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Kate was unsteady; she was sure she was crossing a line, showing up uninvited. She and Teyla had come to share meals together, speak during social events for hours on end, they'd even spoken of serious things on a balcony overlooking the East pier. Kate knew Teyla did not share needlessly and knew also that she had her reasons for canceling their standing professional appointment. Still, Teyla's team had asked her to come; Ronon even explicitly stating that none of them knew what to say.
So she was here, entering Teyla's quarters in a quasi-professional way with a bag of distractions over her shoulder.
Teyla was lying in rather a distracting position, on her side the plush fur that served as a rug, one leg drawn up preternaturally high behind her head. Kate's silence waiting for her to resume looking forward and carefully release the pose was as much lack of breath as anything else.
"Hello," Teyla said, and her voice sounded tired.
"I checked on the boys in the infirmary," Kate said, "they seemed more concerned about you."
"They are all here, and well," Teyla said, as though reminding herself.
"They're frightened for you," Kate responded, realizing the truth of it and remembering John's face in the infirmary, "can I ask what happened?"
Teyla took a long time breathing in the air to answer, so Kate settled herself in a similar cross-legged pose on the carpet. She caught herself tilting her head in a professional way and stopped. She felt herself cataloguing hints of PTSD symptoms in Teyla and made herself quiet.
Finally Teyla opened her mouth to speak, and Kate had to make herself listen for the sounds instead of just watching as though she could see breath through lips. "I was.." Teyla shook her head slightly as though she couldn't find the words. "I was frightened myself." And then she shook her head again as if shaking off the emotion and implication of fear.
And then Kate understood that that was the heart of the matter, at it's most pure. She stopped concerning herself with whether she would be professionally obligated to report her discussion with Teyla or write down notes later; Teyla was more self aware at that moment than Kate could ever lead her to be.
"I brought some things to distract you, if that's what you want," Kate said, all stuttering voice now the professionalism was irrelevant, "but I can leave you too, if you'd prefer."
At the slight quirk of an eyebrow Kate un-slung her bag and displayed the three items of frivolity she had in her possession. Teyla picked one of them up. "I've been thinking of dying my hair red," Kate explained, and wondered if Teyla remembered the conversation they'd had. Teyla skipped over the tube of face mask and picked up the cucumber. "I had to trade with the kitchen staff," Kate said wryly.
"Is it a food item?" Teyla asked, and Kate thought suddenly that of course Teyla wouldn't know what Earth food looked like unprepared if it had been grown in the Lantian kitchen greenhouse and not on the mainland.
"Yes, and if you've had a long day, cold slices on your closed eyelids can feel good..." Kate trailed off as Teyla got a particularly mischievious look on her face and tested the weight of the vegetable in her hand as though she were going to throw it.
"It does not look like a food item," Teyla said, with at least half a smile. Kate blushed, but couldn't look away. After all, she reasoned, she's come there to distract Teyla, she was entitled to watch her handiwork as the woman smiled.
And a smiling Teyla was worth watching.
"What I would most like," Teyla said, eyes looking away and then back, boldly, to Kate, "is to be held. To sleep, and not be alone." Kate felt her smile ease off her face as she understood what Teyla was asking.
And then she knew with great certainty that she would not be returning to her quarters to write a report, or for any other reason. Kate smiled again at Teyla, and freely watched to see if she smiled back.