Billy was fooling around. It was no surprise really, all the hobbits fooled around, but usually they played off each other. But for these scenes, none of the other hobbits were around.
Viggo had been readjusting a vambrace, so he didn't realize that Billy was talking about him until he heard his name. One of his names.
"Aragorn may be king and all," Billy stood across the clearing, speaking to one of the props guys, "but once we're in the bedroom, he's Pippin's bitch!" He nodded, seriously.
"Pippin Took!" Sliding into Aragorn was so easy that Viggo didn't think about it. He rested his hand on his pommel. "Come over here and say that."
Billy played it up nicely, with a flash of abashed, "I'm in trouble now" followed by a "brazen-it-out" chin-up swagger. He stopped downhill of Viggo, standing in a hole. He was still a bit tall for his part. Viggo stood taller.
Billy -- Pippin -- waggled his eyebrows at Viggo's crotch (nearly eye-level to him now) before looking up with supreme confidence, "Yes, your Highnesty?"
"What were you saying?" He didn't see anyone watching, but they were on set -- there was always an audience.
"He asked me if hobbit feet were related to the size of other parts of us," he hitched up his britches, "and I assured him that they were, Your Majestness. And that the Gondor saying about 'fucking like rabbits' was really about hobbits, except that Big Folk had forgotten about hobbits and rabbits were handy for the saying."
"And my name came up because..." Viggo looked stern -- easy enough, since Aragorn spent so much of the movie wooden-faced and tight-jawed. Underneath the concealing and heavy armor, he could feel the start of an erection. Ridiculous.
"Oooh!" Billy's eyes widened, "Did you want to keep it quiet, then?" And then, patiently, as though speaking to a child, he said, "You have to tell me these things, you know. Hobbits gossip about everything."
Willing to play the straight man, Viggo said, "Everything?"
"Of course! The thing you did with the lace teddy and the feathers was really too good not to share with Legolas, and Gimli said he wants to try it if he can find a teddy that fits him..." he trailed off, watching Viggo nervously. Viggo tried to look threatening without actually moving. "But, I, uh..." his voice sank, "I didn't actually share, you know, measurements." In a near whisper he added, "At least, not with anyone but Merry..." He shut up and settled into Pippin's goofy don't-hurt-me-I'm-too-gormless-to-know-better smile.
Viggo was trying to come up with an indecent reply, when the AD stepped up. "Gentlemen," her eyebrow raised at Billy, as though the title was clearly only a courtesy on her part when applied to him, "places."
Viggo laughed, unable to hold back any longer. He clapped Billy on the shoulder. "Thanks, I needed a laugh."
Billy nodded, clearly himself again. "Aye, so did she," he jerked his head at the retreating AD. "So do I," he added quietly, stepping up to his mark.
Viggo waited patiently while Gina from Wardrobe adjusted his quiver before he stepped into place. "You miss them," he said to Billy, without turning to look, "Dom and the others."
Viggo nodded, and then they had no more time to talk, they were going over their lines again for the take.
After they finally wrapped that take and were wrapping up for the day, he said, quietly, "Come by my trailer tonight. We'll drink some wine and be as maudlin as we like about missing the others."
Billy's half smile turned into a full mischievious smile, "The rumor mill will love that."
Viggo smiled back, "If it gives everyone a laugh, I'm willing to go along."
"So I should wobble up to your door in heels, bearing condoms?"
He laughed. "Maybe a cucumber, too" Viggo said.
Viggo grimaced, "I used to like marrows. After that image, I don't think I'll eat any for a while."
"But cucumbers didn't set you off?"
"I don't like cucumbers."
"Tell you what: You find the vegetables, I'll provide the massage oil and the feathers." Billy scratched at the edge of his wig and waited until nobody was within a few feet of them. "Vig," and his voice was pure Billy, not a trace of Pippin, "are we just winding them up, or are you serious? Because I haven't gotten laid in months."
Viggo remembered the way he'd reacted to Billy giving him the eye. "I don't know. A little of both, maybe?"
Billy smiled again, and Viggo watched the way his cheek folded around the edge of his mouth. He'd like to take a closeup of that, but suspected that still photography wouldn't do the image justice. Billy said, "Kinky first date."
"Maybe we'll skip the vegetables then, and we'll just have some wine," Viggo said. "And don't wear heels," he added seriously. "Your feet suffer enough as it is."