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The bell rang, and Darbus swooped in, looking--as always--as if she expected them to break out in applause at her presence. Chad slid down in his seat and stared at the familiar graffiti on his desk, hoping to avoid her attention. Nothing good ever came from having Darbus notice him.
"Good morning, students!" she proclaimed. "Today I would like to take a few minutes to discuss this year's selection for the fall musical."
Out of the corner of his eye, Chad saw Ryan sit impossibly straighter, completely focused on Darbus. He hid a fond smile behind his hand; how could something so predictable also be so adorable?
Yeah, he had it bad.
"Well?" Sharpay demanded. No doubt she was sitting just as straight as Ryan, but on her it wasn't adorable at all. "What is it, Ms Darbus?"
"This year I have decided to branch out from the usual range of school musicals, choose something a little more...daring. How do you feel about Falsettos?"
"Really?!" The excitement in Ryan's voice was too much; Chad couldn't resist looking at him any longer. In his defense, so was half the class, so it probably wasn't too likely anyone would notice. He hoped. "Will the school board let us?"
"Why wouldn't they?" Troy asked. "What's it about?"
Probably no one should've been too surprised when Ryan began singing. "It's about growing up, getting older, living on a lover's shoulder. Learning love is not a crime...." Someone in the back corner of the room snickered, and Chad clenched his fists to keep from reacting.
Luckily, Jason could always be counted on to ask a confused question at times like these. "But what's it about?"
"You mean the plot?" Jason nodded, and Ryan burst into song again. "Well, the situation's this, it's not tough to comprehend: I divorced my wife, I left my child, and I ran off with a friend. But I want a tight-knit family, I want a group that harmonizes. I want my wife, kid, and friend to pretend time will mend our pain."
"Well!" Darbus interjected. "I see we have our Marvin!"
"Actually, Ms Darbus, if it's all right I'd rather play Whizzer. It's going to be hard enough getting a bunch of high school students to take this show seriously without expecting them to accept me and my sister playing characters who have a child together."
Even Ryan's observation set off a round of snickers in the class; Chad couldn't resist joining in, though not perhaps for the same reason. It was just that the idea of what a cross between Ryan and Sharpay might be like was too funny.
No one seemed to object to the assumption that they would be playing the leads, however.
Jason, it seemed, was still back on his original question; why he cared what the musical was about, Chad didn't know. That was just like Jason, though, to get stuck on a minor point no one else cared about. Luckily, Taylor took pity on him.
"Jason, it's about a guy who leaves his wife and son for another man, his psychiatrist who falls in love with the ex-wife, and how they all deal with the changes in their lives. Plus in the second act there's the son's bar mitzvah, and one of the characters' dying of AIDS, only it didn't have a name at the time the musical is set so no one really knows what's happening, just that he's really sick and the doctors don't know how to help him."
Everyone turned to stare at her, not least the Evanses. "How do you know?" Sharpay demanded.
Taylor returned her look coolly and shrugged. "It's a good show. I think I might audition."
"You are not playing Trina!"
"I was thinking Dr. Charlotte. I like her attitude."
Chad saw Ryan grin at Taylor. "I bet you'd be great!"
Taylor smiled back at him, then turned back to Darbus. "I have to agree with Ryan, though--are you sure they'll let us do it?"
"In recognition of the excellence of East High's drama department," Darbus expounded in her typically pompous way, "we have received a grant from a program geared toward taking advantage of the magic of the theatre to reduce discriminatory attitudes among young people. This is the show I have selected for our contribution to the program."
"It's a good choice for that, too. First Finn has the characters repeatedly reclaiming the various labels the audience is likely to slap on them, which as always with successful reclaimings reduces their power, of course, and leaves the people who would intend those labels to sting taken aback. But there's also the way they start out a bit exaggerated, but gradually become more like what those doing the labelling would call 'regular people', so that by the end of the show you've forgotten how strange they once seemed and are just sucker-punched by the ending."
Judging by the blank looks on nearly every face but Gabriella's, Taylor's observation was over more heads than just Chad's own. That didn't seem to bother Ryan, however.
"Doesn't that last line get you every time?" he asked her; she nodded agreement.
"I'm still surprised you could get agreement, though; don't the characters talk about sex a lot? Not to mention the swearing."
"My dear Miss McKessie, you simply need to know the proper way to present your argument!"
"And that is?"
"I offered Principle Matsui a pair of options and let him choose which musical we would produce for this program: Falsettos, or Hedwig and the Angry Inch." Dude, did Darbus just wink at Ryan? That was so wrong on so many levels.
Ryan snickered, though, so there must be a story there. He'd have to get it out of him later.
"I never realised you could be so devious," Taylor said admiringly.
"This will be so much fun," Ryan observed. "But where are we going to find someone to play whichever role I don't? I assume we'll get a freshman to play Jason easily enough, and Mendel shouldn't be a problem, but I don't think we've got any other guys in the drama club who both sing and would be willing to play a gay character."
An unexpected voice spoke up from behind Chad. "I'll do it."
There was a moment of silence, then Ryan glanced warily at his sister before saying cautiously, "Troy, you do realise you'd be playing someone who used to be married to Sharpay, right? You'll have to work with her a lot."
"Yeah, I got that. I'll still do it. If you want."
"It sounds like we'll have a good turnout for auditions, which will be next Friday after school. I am pleased to see such interest. Now, as for the rest of this morning's announcements...." Chad tuned out Darbus' voice as she droned on. He wouldn't even have paid as much attention as he had up till that point if he didn't like seeing Ryan get excited about something so much.
Maybe during free period he could get Ryan talking about the show, so Chad could watch him light up again....
In the days leading up to auditions, Ryan knew he probably drove Chad crazy, talking about the musical so much. He just couldn't help it--a chance to do one of his favourite shows didn't come along that often, and he'd never imagined he'd be able to do this show while he was still in high school.
He still couldn't believe Ms Darbus had tricked the school into giving them permission.
But despite being forced to listen to the cast album and watch Ryan's bootleg video and just generally hear more about Falsettos than he ever wanted to learn about any musical, Chad had been a good sport so far. Ryan did try and make it up to him when they had sufficient privacy, but he was nevertheless impressed by how much Chad appeared to actually be paying attention.
"Are you really going to be happy about giving up the lead role, though?" Chad was asking now. "I mean, it's not like you haven't played opposite your sister before, right?"
"I'd rather play Whizzer, actually. Marvin's pretty much a whiny, self-centered wimp who for most of his life doesn't have the guts to go after what he wants, and who treats the people he claims to care about more like objects than anything else. They're his possessions, and their lives are supposed to revolve around him and his needs. Yeah, he does grow up a little in the second act, but mostly? Totally boring. Plus, I've never gotten to play a death scene before," he added with a grin.
"Oh, well, in that case...."
"And...."
"What?"
"Promise you won't mention this to anyone? Not even Troy?" Ryan bit his lip; he trusted Chad, more than just about anyone, but he wanted some assurance what he wanted to say would go no further anyway. It was just the kind of thing that Sharpay, for example, wouldn't hesitate to spread around if she saw some advantage in doing so.
"Of course, Ry."
"Look, I'm really grateful Troy's offered to do the show--we need someone, after all, and he'll have no problem playing Marvin's frequent failure to notice what he's doing to the people around him." Chad snorted, no doubt thinking back to the summer; Ryan knew he still hadn't entirely forgiven Troy for how he'd behaved. "The fact is, though, this score has a lot of complicated harmonies in the vocal lines, often with everyone singing something different so you really have to know your part--there's no one else to listen to for help--and Troy just isn't strong enough a singer for that kind of thing. But Marvin's usually singing the melody, which he can handle."
"And you don't mind just giving it to him? Isn't the melody what most people are going to be paying attention to?"
"Not necessarily, and anyway, I think the harmony's often more fun. Definitely more fun in this score. So having Troy play Marvin works out best all around."
"Well, as long as you're happy with it...."
"I am," Ryan assured him. "Assuming that's how Ms D casts it, anyway."
Chad scoffed. "Oh, right. Since when has Darbus ever not cast a show the way you wanted it?"
"Last year. Twinkle Towne."
"Oh, yeah. Sorry."
Ryan shrugged; that was all in the past, and sitting out one show was well worth it given all the improvements in his life since then. If Gabriella hadn't decided he could put together an act for the talent show....
"But I think she'll do it this time, which is what matters now. She certainly can't do this show without me, there are just too many important male roles for her to stick me with understudying again--we never have enough guys who can really sing at auditions, which is kind of how Troy was able to get in with no experience whatsoever last year."
"I never thought I'd say this, but...I'm glad he did."
"Me, too," Ryan said, returning Chad's smile. He may not think highly of Troy's talent even now, but his friends were a different matter. Especially Chad.
...who had spent enough time hearing him talk about and prepare for the upcoming audition, and deserved a break. So Ryan asked him about the action movie Chad had seen the previous weekend with his teammates, and watched fondly as Chad enthusiastically described every fight, car chase, and explosion. He didn't think he'd ever get tired of hearing Chad's voice, especially when it had that note of excitement in it over something Ryan found completely dull. He'd never dated a guy he had so little in common with before, and he was still amazed by how fascinating he found their differences.
Luckily, this time Ms D had gotten rid of those ridiculous pair auditions, so he didn't have Sharpay hounding him every minute to rehearse more, and he could spend this time with Chad.
When the auditions arrived, they were pretty much a formality, at least as far as the seniors were concerned, but that didn't stop Ryan from wanting to blow everyone away with his audition piece. This was the first time most of these people--most of his friends had a chance to see him perform solo, and he loved the idea of showing them what he could do without Shar there to rein him in. He loved her, of course, but deep down he couldn't help believing that although she might be more dramatic--possibly--he had more actual talent. He was a better dancer, too; even Sharpay had admitted as much. Once or twice. In private. And anyway, there wasn't really any true dancing in Falsettos, so what did that matter? But here was his chance to prove just why he had never believed casting Troy freaking Bolton over him in Twinkle Towne had been a good idea artistically, no matter how he'd benefitted from it in other ways.
It was possible he was still a little bitter after all. But he had high standards; was that really such a bad thing?
In any case, Ryan managed to persuade Ms Darbus to have the women audition first, so Sharpay couldn't blame him in any way if she screwed up. He sat by calmly as a few other boys auditioned--including Troy, who looked incredibly nervous standing up there alone for once, but determined--then took his place onstage confidently.
When the final notes faded away, the theatre filled with a resounding silence. Judging by the stunned look on most people's faces, and the utterly adoring one on Chad's, that wasn't a bad thing. The resounding applause that broke out a few seconds later confirmed it. Ryan knew he was beaming as he resumed his seat in the house, but he couldn't help it. This was what he lived for. Not even the glare Sharpay sent his way as he passed her could bring him down.
It didn't really surprise him when the next morning, instead of a callbacks list, Ms Darbus posted the final cast list. As requested, he got Whizzer, with Shar as Trina. Taylor and Gabriella were going to play Dr. Charlotte and Cordelia, which he thought would work well; neither was much of an actor, but they were already so close that their friendship would probably carry over well enough to read as a romantic relationship. He was indeed stuck with Troy as Marvin, but Ryan figured Troy would be grateful for his help with the role, since every bit of improvement would be one less thing for Sharpay to berate him over. Sometimes, Ryan found, his sister's reputation could be very useful.
A few freshman had auditioned for Jason, rightly guessing that it would probably be next year before there was another show at East where one of them would be guaranteed a role. Ryan was happy to see it went to the kid from chorus he'd spent the past couple of weeks convincing to try out; it was nice to have his judgement validated. He wasn't too sure about the Mendel, who was a transfer student who wasn't even taking chorus, so Ryan was completely unfamiliar with him. His audition had been promising, though.
All in all, Ryan was optimistic. Sure, Principle Matsui had made Ms. D get written permission from everybody's parents for their kids to be involved with the show, and yeah, he'd have to run interference between Sharpay and everyone else, not to mention try to teach Troy how to sing and act, but overall? This was going to be so much fun.
Chad tried not to pay any more attention to anything having to do with musical theatre than he absolutely had to. He hadn't been very successful over the past several months, since first his best friend decided out of the blue to try out for the winter musical then he went and fell for Ryan, but it was the principle of the thing.
At least he and Ryan had a tacit arrangement about musicals and basketball: they would let each other talk about their obsessions as much as they wanted, without getting upset if the other didn't actually pay attention. Not something that, say, Zeke could get away with if he ever managed to get Sharpay to go out with him, but it worked for them.
It worked in part because one of the things Chad liked most these days was watching Ryan talk about the things he loved. To be honest, there were many things Chad liked about Ryan, but seeing him light up with excitement over what Chad often felt were the silliest things had to be near the top of the list. At times like that, Ryan was just so...mesmerising. Actually, Ryan was mesmerising a lot, which was another of the reasons Chad adored him.
Then was the way he could be made so happy by something he knew would happen, like getting cast in the fall show. Okay, yeah, he hadn't been cast last winter, but Darbus had as good as said Ryan was in this time even before the auditions. And yet there he was, practically glowing as he read his name on the cast list. It was all Chad could do to stay safely on the other side of the hallway; he had a feeling he wasn't controlling his expression very well right now at all. He'd just have to hope no one who didn't already know their secret was paying any attention to him.
Not being out really sucked sometimes. It wasn't fair that Troy could greet Gabriella with a kiss, like he'd just done not five feet away, but Chad couldn't do the same with Ryan. Or hold his hand as they walked to class, or sneak off with him during free period too often, or monopolise his attention during lunch.... Most of the time he was grateful to Ryan for not forcing him to come out to the entire school when he wasn't ready yet, but occasionally he wished Ryan would push him. Once it was done, it was done, right? There'd be no more point in worrying about it. But Ryan was too considerate, and more than willing to settle for just being out to their mutual friends and families.
Sometimes, it was hard to remember that was the compromise they'd agreed on, back when Chad wasn't sure about telling even Troy.
Of course, Chad thought as he watched Ryan talk excitedly to his new cast mates as they headed down the hall toward homeroom, despite the frustration he wasn't sure he really wanted to broadcast their relationship to the world, either. His closest friends had all been fine with learning he was gay, and his parents had dealt with it pretty well once they'd had some time to get used to the idea, but those were people who already cared about him. The teammates he wasn't particularly close to were another story--not to mention the rest of the student body.
The main problem was that Chad couldn't give up sports. Ryan had, and that was fine for him; he'd made his choice, and Chad respected that, no matter how much he'd love to have Ryan on the Wildcats' baseball team this year now that he knew what an amazing player Ryan was. But Ryan had other things he loved, too, things where being gay wasn't much of an issue. Chad didn't have that luxury. Sure, he could probably be out and stay on the basketball team, since the starters already knew anyway and would no doubt make sure the rest of the team behaved decently, but that didn't help for track or baseball. East had always had less of a problem with bullying and so on than most schools, but Chad had spent more than enough time in its locker room to know there would be people who wouldn't be happy about knowingly sharing it with a gay guy. Those people mostly steered clear of Ryan--the dual, if unspoken, threats of his parents' lawyers and his sister's retaliation kept them away--but that didn't mean they didn't have a problem with him. And Chad didn't have those things protecting him.
All in all, Chad thought as he slunk into homeroom and fell into his seat just before the bell rang, he didn't really have any good options. At times he almost wished he'd taken another year to realise just why he never got as excited about girls as his friends did, no matter how hard he tried. Then he'd stop and remember that by next summer Ryan would probably be heading off to New York or somewhere, and he would have missed out on the chance to have a relationship with him at all; even a secret one was better than nothing would be.
He tuned out Darbus as usual, watching Ryan out of the corner of his eye instead. He listened attentively to Darbus' congratulating "her" seniors who'd been cast in the show and blathering about rehearsals or whatever, but once she'd moved on to general announcements Ryan's focus shifted to his notebook. Chad got caught up in trying to tell from the movements of Ryan's hand whether he was writing something, drawing, or just doodling; he was startled when the bell rang, having completely lost track of time.
Hurriedly he grabbed his bag and his basketball and dashed out of the room, not just eager to get as far away from Darbus as possible but hoping to catch up with Ryan. Since they had first period together, he figured it was safe for them to walk there together, too. Dodging around a freshman, Chad sprinted the last few steps to Ryan's side, earning a sideways glance and a half-smile for his trouble. Chad let his arm brush against Ryan's, wishing he dared take his hand instead.
Someday.
"He's Jewish, I'm Jewish,/We're Jewish, they're Jewish," Troy sang for the third time that afternoon. Ryan winced when he went off-key--again--and caught Kelsi's eye. She nodded and stopped playing.
"Okay, let's take a break and try again in a bit. Kelsi, five?"
"Thanks. I'm going to go get some water; you guys want any?" They shook their heads, and Ryan watched as Kelsi left the rehearsal room before turning back to Troy.
"Listen, man, I'm really sorry. I don't know why I'm having such a hard time getting it."
Privately, Ryan wasn't at all surprised, though for the sake of his ears he wouldn't have minded being wrong. But he and Troy had to work together, and they were sort-of friends, and Troy meant a lot to Chad, so what he said was, "Finn's work can be tricky. Maybe taking a break and coming at it fresh will help."
"Yeah, maybe," Troy agreed dispiritedly.
They sat in silence for a few moments before Ryan decided to ask something he'd been wondering about for weeks. "Hey, Troy? Why did you decide to do the show, anyway? I thought you were through performing."
Troy shrugged. "I'm doing it for Chad."
"Huh? I was actually paying attention in homeroom that day; I know he didn't ask you to."
"No, I mean...Darbus said this whole thing was about, like, reducing gay-bashing and stuff, right?" Ryan nodded. "I just thought it might help if I got involved, sort of took a public stand and all. You know how this school is about basketball...."
Ryan blinked, a little impressed Troy was even capable of thinking that way. "Uh, yeah. It probably will."
"I know he's not planning to come out or anything, but if I can help make East a more comfortable place for him, I figure I kind of owe him that. Even if it does mean working with your sister."
Ryan returned Troy's brief smile, privately thinking he might have to re-evaluate his opinion of Troy if he kept surprising him like this. "That's...very thoughtful of you."
Not long after, Kelsi returned with one of the bottles of water the drama club kept stocked in the scene shop's fridge. With a mental sigh, Ryan turned his mind back to ways to get through to Troy, once again glad that at least there were few points in the score where he would have to sing harmony. Times like this, he wasn't sure what had possessed him when he offered to work with Troy one-on-one so Ms D could focus on the rest of the cast, who didn't need as much individual attention.
"Okay, let's try this. You've sung rounds before, right? 'Row, row, row your boat', that kind of thing?" Troy nodded. 'Good, well, think of this like that. In a round everyone's singing the same thing just at different times, and here we're all singing something different, but either way you can't listen to what other people are singing to find out what you should be doing. So just make sure you know your part well and that you've got the right tempo, so you end at the right time, and try to forget about everything else."
They worked up to it--first just Troy and the piano, Kelsi playing his vocal line until he got the pitches and the rhythm. Then Ryan had him run through it a few times a capella, to be sure he could do it without using the piano as a crutch. Next they went over and over it until Troy was able to sing his part correctly while Kelsi was playing something completely different--the most distracting things she could think of, including one of his songs from Twinkle Towne. After he caught himself singing the wrong song, Troy finally seemed to realise that Ryan really meant it when he said not to listen, and things went more smoothly. They moved on to the actual accompaniment, then Ryan joined in with Whizzer's part while Kelsi filled in for Mendel. Eventually Ryan decided they had made enough progress for one afternoon and called it a day.
He really wasn't looking forward to working on "What More Can I Say?" Troy's upper range wasn't exactly his strong point.
A few weeks later, they'd shifted their focus from the music itself to Troy's acting, which was fine in the scenes where Marvin was being self-centered and demanding and oblivious but needed a lot of work on the more tender moments. At the moment, he was having a particularly hard time with "What Would I Do?" and Ryan wasn't having any luck trying to guide him into the kind of performance that scene needed. If they went out there with Troy this awkward, the entire show would fall flat, lacking the impact they were all hoping it would have.
Finally he was desperate enough to resort to cheap tricks. "Look, this is really bad advice, but you don't have any serious intention of going into acting and it's clear that you're not having any success thinking as Marvin, so it can't hurt. Forget, for now, the references to sex, and think about the lyrics that are left. 'What would I do/if I had not met you?/Who would I blame my life on?' and 'who would I be/if you had not been my friend?' and so on. Who does that make you think of? First name that pops in your mind."
"Chad," Troy said readily.
"Exactly."
"But that's not the same. Marvin's not talking about a friend, he's talking about his boyfriend."
"Sure, to some extent it's a euphemism, but it seems to me that the best, the strongest relationships are based on friendship. Right?"
"I guess."
"Okay, so you can relate to at least part of the song. Now think about how you would feel if Chad were dying. No, your relationship with him isn't the same as Marvin's with Whizzer, but it's close enough for our purposes here."
Troy nodded, looking thoughtful.
"Keep that feeling in mind, and when we do those parts of the scene--and here's where the bad advice comes in, but if it works, I'm willing to try it--pretend I'm Chad," Ryan suggested.
"Oh. That makes sense. And when they're talking about being in love, I should pretend I'm Chad?"
Ryan laughed, surprised. "I prefer that over you pretending I'm Gabriella, certainly."
Judging from the guilty look on Troy's face, that was exactly what he'd been doing for "What More Can I Say?" Ryan smothered a grin.
Troy cleared his throat. "Right. Let's try this again."
Wonder of wonders, that time through Troy finally showed some improvement. His performance still wasn't where it needed to be, but Ryan seemed to have gotten through to him this time. Now that they'd had a breakthrough there would be enough time before the show opened to polish things further.
This might actually work.
Chad loved Ryan and all--or, well, he liked him a whole lot, at least; he wasn't sure he was ready to use the other word just yet--but by the time opening night was approaching he was thoroughly sick of hearing about the show. Twinkle Towne had been bad enough, but this time he had to keep hearing about it not only from his best friend, but his boyfriend as well. They kept wandering around muttering about neurotic Jewish bitches being late for dinner or something equally nonsensical.
It was a good thing Ryan was so cute.
When the posters advertising the show were put up around the school, some of them complete with pictures of Troy and Ryan holding hands, he had another reason for wishing the whole thing was over with than just not wanting to hear about it anymore. Ordinarily people didn't hassle Ryan too much about being gay, but he and especially Troy got a lot of snickers and glares and snide remarks in the hallways all of a sudden.
Ryan just shrugged and told them all to ignore it, and warned Troy that if he reacted by making denials or being even more publicly schmoopy with Gabriella than usual people would assume it was an act and be convinced he really was gay. Chad didn't know how he could put up with it all so calmly. Several times a day he wanted to pummel someone on Ryan's behalf, and Ryan himself was the one who kept talking him down. What made him even madder than the comments themselves was the thought of Ryan having heard them often enough to have grown used to them. Like Ryan wasn't ten times better than any of those morons.
Still, they managed to make it to opening night without having Chad accidentally out himself or kill someone. That day at lunch, their table was practically empty--just Chad, Zeke, and Jason, since the Evanses had demanded that everyone else get in one last bit of rehearsal time while they still could. Chad had grown so used to thinking of how different Ryan was from Sharpay that it was strange seeing him agree with her again. Troy definitely gave him a "save me!" look as he was dragged off, but considering that he'd volunteered for this, Chad didn't really have any sympathy for him.
After school he insisted that Ryan take a couple of hours to relax and think about anything but the show--officially because Chad knew he himself always played better when he did something to take his mind off of things right before a big game, but mostly because he missed him. Sure, they'd spent time together when they could, but lately Ryan's head was always in the show whether he was at rehearsal or not, and the past week they hadn't seen each other at all outside of school. Ryan had even spent basically the entire weekend in rehearsals.
So the minute school was over, Chad kidnapped him for the afternoon, with Taylor's help, and took him to a park they liked to go to. It was far enough away from East that they were unlikely to run into anyone they knew, and there was one area that the trees made fairly private. Ryan stopped protesting that he needed to double-check something with the lighting designer when Chad opened his backpack and pulled out an old sheet to spread upon the ground, followed by some Tupperware containers Zeke had provided him with that morning. He wasn't sure what exactly was in them, but it hardly mattered--pretty much everything Zeke made was amazing.
"A picnic?" Ryan asked, looking touched.
Chad shrugged, not wanting to make a big deal out of it or anything. "Yeah, well...we can't have you fainting from hunger in the middle of the show, right?"
Ryan reached out and gently cupped his cheek. "Chad. Thank you."
Reassured that he didn't think the idea was stupid, Chad returned Ryan's happy smile. He wished the trees were a little thicker, because he really wanted to kiss Ryan right now. Instead, he pulled him down to sit on the sheet and began opening containers.
The food was, as expected, fabulous, and Ryan complied with Chad's insistence that they talk about anything but the musical. Chad was pleased to note that as they ate, Ryan gradually relaxed and seemed to forget about how much he'd been stressing out lately. Both boys had a chance to remember why they were together; they hadn't had much chance to just sit and talk like this since school started, and doing so now brought back memories of the summer, when they were first getting to really know each other.
Unfortunately, they only had a couple of hours to enjoy it before Ryan really did need to head back to the school to get ready. At least when Chad dropped him off he was no longer as high-strung as he had been, and his smile when he thanked Chad for kidnapping him was genuine. All in all, Chad returned to his house feeling like his mission was accomplished.
It was late enough that his mother was already home from work. "Hi, honey," she said as he passed through the kitchen. "I'm afraid dinner won't be ready for another hour, but if you're hungry there're leftovers in the fridge."
"Nah, I'm good. I, uh, took Ryan for a picnic before his big show."
"That's right, it's opening night, isn't it? Did you tell him your father and I will be there to see him on Saturday?"
"Yeah, Mom, I told him last week when I bought the tickets." Chad rolled his eyes, but turned away from her and pretended to be looking for a drink before he did, since she had spared him from maternal gushing over how sweet the picnic idea was or whatever else she might think of to embarrass him.
"Good. Well, since you've already eaten, it looks like you've got some time to do your homework before you head back for the show."
Chad groaned, but didn't argue; maybe if he did what she wanted now, he wouldn't get in much trouble if he hung out with Ryan again after the performance and got home late.
He actually did get a little work done before he had to head back to school. One good thing about having Troy in the musical, too, was that he could use that as an excuse if anyone asked why he was there. He was a little curious to see if anyone else would be there, though--besides Mr and Mrs Evans, whose presence at anything involving their children was a given--since reactions to the advertising for the show had been so negative.
To his surprise, the theatre was pretty full. Judging by some of the comments Chad overheard, a lot of students were curious about all of the "adult content" and "foul language" warnings that the school had plastered everywhere. It looked like Taylor had been right, and Matsui's attempts to sabotage the show Darbus had left him no choice about approving had backfired. If there was one thing teenagers were interested in, it was the forbidden. The fact that sex was involved was just an added bonus.
And thanks to all the time he spent with most of the cast, Chad knew that at some point they would all get to hear Gabriella Montez swear, which would probably be worth the price of admission all by itself. Ryan had said she'd had to practice it a lot just to get through those lines without blushing. (Chad was looking forward to hearing Ryan swear, too, since he never did unless it was in a script, but Gabriella would definitely be funnier.)
When the performance began, Chad was initially taken aback. Once he got over the shock of the opening scene, though, he noticed that it was actually pretty funny. Way better than Phantom of the Opera; maybe he should've paid more attention back when Ryan was making him listen to the CD. The relationship between Marvin and Whizzer kind of reminded him of himself and Ryan, too--they didn't like fighting, exactly, but competition? Oh yeah. And Ryan was definitely always telling him to pick up his stuff and take better care of his clothes, just like Whizzer.
There was no sign of Taylor or Gabriella in the first act, but it got so intense near the end that he barely noticed. Chad wondered how cathartic Ryan and Sharpay found the scenes where everyone was ganging up on Marvin, since he knew they both still harbored some resentment towards Troy for the summer, for different reasons. At intermission, he had to admit to himself that although Ryan had been amazing, as he'd expected, Sharpay had actually stolen the first act with her song about having a breakdown. The mental image the lyrics prompted of Troy in a wedding dress didn't hurt, but really, she'd been surprisingly good even without that.
What was the world coming to?
Chad found himself looking forward to the second act, which started out fun and finally involved the girls. Amusing as it was to have Gabriella and Taylor introduce themselves as "the lesbians from next door", he was disappointed with the lack of Ryan in the first few scenes. But then Whizzer came back into the story, and once more the competitive nature of his relationship with Marvin felt familiar--even more so since this time they were competing at sports. (And who knew there could be sports in musicals, anyway?) Sure, he and Ryan had been more evenly matched at baseball than Whizzer and Marvin were at racquetball, but still.
Even so, the flash of jealousy he felt at seeing them in bed together was ridiculous, Chad knew that even as he had to acknowledge feeling it nonetheless. Ryan had possibly even less interest in Troy than Troy did in him, and they weren't even doing anything, and yet...Chad couldn't help feeling he should be the one up there. He barely noticed the song Troy was singing--some slow, sappy thing he might ask Ryan to sing for him later; he'd probably do a better job--getting lost instead in wondering if that was what Ryan looked like when he was sleeping for real. He really was simply adorable.
It wasn't long after that when Chad began to understand just how right Ryan was about which role he should play rather than Troy. There hadn't been any dancing, and still wasn't, but it didn't take much to see that Ryan's dance training helped him make Whizzer's increasing weakness so convincing. Whoever had done his makeup--and Chad really, really hoped it wasn't Ryan himself, because some things were just too weird--had done a great job of making him look even paler and skinnier than usual, but there was no question that Ryan was contributing a great deal to the illusion. His solo about his impending death blew Chad away. This time, Sharpay's performance didn't come close to matching her brother's, a state of affairs Chad was far more comfortable with than he had been after the first act.
Ryan's much-anticipated death scene really got to Chad--and the rest of the audience, from what he could tell. Ryan and Troy actually managed to seem devastated at the thought of losing each other. Ry must have worked miracles; Troy's acting hadn't been this good last winter when he was singing love songs with Gabriella. By the time Whizzer had died, Chad wasn't the only one in tears.
Much to Chad's satisfaction, during curtain calls the loudest applause definitely went to Ryan. Troy was more popular, of course, but with them both on one stage it was hard to deny which was the more talented, and apparently a good portion of the audience had noticed. Chad felt ready to burst with pride on Ryan's behalf; it was about time he started getting the recognition he deserved.
Ryan nearly always loved being onstage, but this time the high was probably greater than ever before. The glimpses he'd caught of Chad's face in the audience contributed, he was sure, but really, he couldn't have asked for a better performance. Even Troy had been not bad. And not being inclined toward false modesty, Ryan could admit that he had been fabulous.
He thought he'd convinced the audience, too. At first the energy in the house had been...not hostile, maybe, but definitely not friendly. He'd seen a lot of skeptical and even disdainful expressions, and the laughs had been slow in coming. That was all right; "Four Jews in a Room Bitching" was intended to be disconcerting to audiences expecting a more traditional musical. It hadn't taken long for people to adjust, however, and by the time they were a few scenes in the snickers had mostly been replaced by genuine laughter. The audience had definitely warmed up to them before the first act was over; after intermission the cast didn't have to work quite so hard, and could relax into the performance.
With very few exceptions, Ryan loved this show and loved his role, but he'd been particularly eager to do "You Gotta Die Sometime" and "What Would I Do?" in front of a real audience. All that work he'd put in with Troy had paid off; he'd have to check the video his mother had almost certainly made, but Ryan was pretty sure they'd pulled off the duet. Judging by the applause during curtain calls, the audience agreed.
So Ryan was higher than anyone who shunned mind-altering substances stronger than caffeine ought to be as he made his way from the wings to the hallway with the dressing rooms. As usual, there were family and friends of the cast waiting to congratulate them; he accepted his share of the praise graciously, but in the back of his mind a part of him that managed to still be rational wondered if he'd be able to maintain a suitably platonic distance when Chad appeared.
He was happily wrapped in his mother's arms--not caring, as usual, if other people thought admitting to loving his mother was uncool--when he noticed Chad out of the corner of his eye. Ryan could tell Chad was aware of him, too, but he continued working his way through the crowd slowly, stopping to talk to, and hug, Taylor, Gabriella, and even Troy. When he finally reached Ryan, Ryan's mom gave him one last quick kiss on the cheek before turning to Sharpay.
Chad's odd behaviour made perfect sense when he reached out to hug Ryan as well. If their embrace lasted a little longer than the others, well, chances were no one would notice.
"You were amazing," Chad whispered in his ear. "I'm so proud of you."
Ryan beamed even harder. His mother had said the same thing not two minutes ago, but somehow it felt even better to hear it from Chad. His pleasure was only slightly dimmed when Chad let go and took a step back; he may not like it that Chad wasn't out, but he understood the reasons, and considered himself lucky that Chad had risked his reputation enough to come see a musical at all.
"You're coming to the cast party, right?"
"Of course." Ryan had been pretty sure that would be the answer; their friendship was public, at least, and Chad also had Troy's involvement to use as an excuse for his attendance at the party.
"Then I guess I'll see you later. Things should get started in about half an hour." One of the benefits of hosting the party, of course, was that they should be able to sneak off and have a bit of privacy; Ryan's parents would cover for them if someone asked after one of them.
"Great. See ya." Chad smiled awkwardly, started to continue moving down the line, noticed the person next to Ryan was Sharpay, and shuddered dramatically. Ryan just laughed, receiving a wink in return before Chad gave his sister and her admirers a wide berth on his way toward the doors.
Forty-five minutes later, the party was in full swing, and Ryan figured he'd done his duty as co-host well enough for the time being. Catching Chad's eye, he jerked his head toward the stairs; Chad nodded understanding, and Ryan headed for his room, certain that Chad would follow when he could.
Only a few minutes had passed before the bedroom door opened and Chad slipped inside, locking it behind him. Now that they didn't have to worry about being seen, Chad greeted him with a very welcome kiss before they settled comfortably on the bed.
"You really were incredible tonight, Ry," Chad began. "I mean, I knew you were good, but that was just...wow."
Ryan smiled. Yes, Chad was biased, but he couldn't help thinking that earning such a reaction from someone who generally hated musicals really meant something. "Thanks. It's been a lot of fun to work on, so it's nice to finally have the chance to show people."
"I'm glad. That you've had fun, I mean; you were so excited when Darbus announced it, and it really sucks when something you've looked forward to turns out to be a bust."
"I know what you mean. But it didn't this time. Actually, things have been going really well for me all around these past few months."
Chad returned his grin at first, but then a shadow fell across his expression. "Are you sure about that?"
"What're you talking about? Of course I am."
"Wouldn't you rather have a boyfriend you could be with openly?" Chad asked, his voice uncharacteristically small.
Ryan placed a hand on Chad's cheek, tilting his head up so he couldn't look away. "No, I'd rather be with you. Sure, it would be nice to be public, but I understand why you're not ready to come out, and I respect that. I'm not my sister,--"
"Thank god," Chad muttered.
"--and I don't ask for everything to be perfect. As long as I get to be with you some of the time, I consider myself lucky."
"Really?"
"Really. Now, what brought this on?"
Chad shrugged. "I don't know. I guess it's just...you were so good up there tonight, and you're so brave, going out there every day and being just who you are no matter what, and you deserve someone who doesn't make you have to hide."
"Hey, now. C'mere." Ryan wrapped Chad in his arms and leaned them back against the pillows. "I think what I deserve is someone I care about who treats me well, and that's what I've got with you. Maybe if you'd asked me to hide even our friendship I'd feel differently, but you didn't, so.... As far as I'm concerned, we're good."
"Well, if you're sure...."
"I'm sure," Ryan told him firmly.
"Glad to hear it."
They lay there quietly for a while, Ryan occasionally pressing kisses into Chad's hair. Eventually, however, their idyll was broken by a knock on the door followed by Mrs Evans' voice.
"Ducky? I'm sorry to intrude, but you boys should come back down soon. People are wondering where you've gone."
"Thanks, Mom," Ryan called out. "We'll be there in a minute."
Chad sighed as both boys sat up, reluctantly untangling themselves.
"Ready to face the world again?" Ryan asked gently.
Chad leaned forward to kiss him. "I am now."