All the Wasted Time

by few (Jennifew)

Summary:

Senior year didn't turn out at all like Ryan had expected....

Notes:

The first draft of this was written before HSM3, and as far as the fic is concerned HSM3 never existed.

It was strange to be back. Though all-too-familiar, the school seemed like it was part of another lifetime--another life, even. After what had turned out to be the most amazing summer of Ryan's life, it was quite a letdown to be here again. No doubt everything would revert to the way it had been last year--and the year before, and the year before that--but the status quo held no attraction for him anymore. He'd had a taste of acceptance, of friendship, and it wouldn't be easy going back to being seen as merely half of Sharpay.

Not that Sharpay was really speaking to him, at the moment.

She'd never quite forgiven him for helping someone else prepare for the talent show, even though she'd been the one to kick him out of their act. Worse still was the fact that it was the Wildcats he was helping, and that he enjoyed it. Enjoyed being with them. For a long time it hadn't bothered him much, since he was having too much fun to really worry about it, but now that school was starting again he realised how much he was going to miss having someone to talk to all day. He had a feeling she even had plans to kick him out of drama club somehow, though considering how unpleasant it was to be the target of Sharpay's animosity, it might be better to just go along with it rather than try and participate anyway.

The warning bell rang, leaving him with no choice but to make his way inside. This year the only person in his homeroom he really knew was Sharpay, and as expected she ignored him completely. Well, that was fine; he wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of begging for her attention. If she wanted to make up, he'd decided, he wouldn't give her a hard time about it, but there was no need to let her know she was getting to him.

The morning passed in something of a blur; for some reason, all the teachers seemed determined not to waste a moment of their senior year, and abandoned the tradition of taking it easy on the first day back. Ryan was actually a little glad for it, since he was left with no time to dwell on the question of the day: namely, was it worth trying to sit at the drama club table at lunch in hopes that Sharpay would continue to ignore him, rather than sending him away, or should he just cede the territory to her and find an empty table somewhere?

When lunch rolled around, he still hadn't made up his mind; then the decision was taken out of his hands. He'd just paid and was bracing himself to face his sister when Gabriella looked up from a nearby table and waved him over.

"Hey, Ryan," she said. "Want to sit with us?"

He glanced uncertainly around the table for objections, but the faces were mostly welcoming, and in fact people had already started to scoot down the table to leave room for another chair, and suddenly the day was looking up. With a smile that he hoped was more friendly than pathetically grateful, he set down his tray and grabbed an empty chair from the next table.

Maybe things didn't have to go back to what they were just because summer had ended after all.

A lot of the conversation that flowed around him was...not above his head, exactly, but of things and people he didn't really know much about. He tried to look interested, however, and venture a comment now and again to show he was paying attention. Some of the jocks who hadn't been working at the club kept casting him doubtful glances, clearly wondering what he was doing there, but they seemed willing to wait until he was gone to ask.

Despite his best intentions, his attention had started to drift a little when for the first time since he'd sat down he was addressed directly. "Hey, Evans," Chad said, sounding just a bit too nonchalant to be natural, "we kinda have this tradition of getting together after the first day of school and playing a bit of baseball. You're welcome to join us, if you'd like."

Suddenly things made far more sense. Judging by the way Gabriella and Taylor were studiously looking at their plates, clearly trying not to laugh, and the fact that when Troy started to say something he gave a yelp instead, like his foot had just been stomped on under the table, no one had mentioned the game at the club to anyone who hadn't been there. It was an intriguing idea, being brought in as the ringer. Aside from the fun he'd had the last time he'd played, the chance to see dawning respect in his classmates' eyes twice in just a few weeks was too good to pass up, so Ryan drew upon every bit of acting talent he possessed to keep a grin off his face and out of his voice as he said he might drop by. He had to look away before Chad's answering smirk caused him to burst out laughing and blow the whole thing.

The rest of the afternoon dragged on, but the novelty of being on the inside of a joke, for once, made it impossible for him not to be in a good mood. It didn't even matter that when he looked for Sharpay after school to tell her he wouldn't be going home right away, he found she'd already taken off without him. No problem; if she didn't know about the game, she could hardly find a way to sabotage it.

Briefly he considered changing--there had to be something in costume storage that would be more appropriate for playing sports than what he was wearing--but then decided it would make a more striking statement to play as he was. It had worked the first time, after all; why ruin a perfectly good precedent?

When he arrived at the field, several people were already there, and it looked like a few were in a heated debate with Chad. Given the way the conversation ended suddenly once someone noticed him, presumably they hadn't been happy with his being invited. No matter; he felt quite confident that for once in his life he wouldn't be the last picked for a team.

In fact, Chad chose him first. He pretended not to notice the surprised murmurs spreading through the small crowd that had sprung up--murmurs that doubled in intensity when the other captain immediately claimed Troy Bolton. Even Ryan was surprised; Chad had chosen him over East High's golden boy? It was crazy; it's not like there was any chance Ryan would be chosen for the other team, or anything. Bizarre.

But nice, he had to admit.

It didn't hurt that Gabriella, Martha, and Taylor were grinning at him from the bleachers, or that Zeke and Jason gave him friendly pats on the back as they were called over to join Chad's team. He tried to act all cool and aloof--the contrast to what the others expected from him would be all the more startling if he reinforced his image a bit more first--but in a way it was even harder than before the game that started it all. This time, he didn't have anything to prove, so he could just have fun. This time, some of the school's best athletes were on his side, and accounted him an advantage to the team.

This time, with himself and Chad on the same team they were almost certain to win.

Chad volunteered to have their side bat first, explaining as they headed to the dugout that he wanted their opponents to have a little time to become complacent before "unveiling their secret weapon". It was clear that even the guys on their own team hadn't been told what was going on, but Zeke told them they'd just have to wait and see. Ryan exchanged amused glances with Chad, but otherwise said nothing.

They did tolerably well in their first at-bat, but he could tell he wasn't the only one itching to take the field. If he weren't so competitive, it would have been tempting to strike out deliberately just to hurry things along; but they had their third out soon enough.

It was impossible to miss everyone's surprise when Chad tossed the ball to him and bypassed the pitcher's mound for third base. He noticed some of his own teammates looking at Chad like he was crazy and started to feel more pressure than he was comfortable with, but the mocking from the other side--clearly either Troy hadn't told them what Chad had said about his playing back at the club, or they hadn't believed it--enabled Ryan to relax again. This first inning was going to be easy, and the most fun; they weren't prepared, and obviously thought they'd score off him without even trying.

Suckers. Hadn't anyone ever taught them not to judge a book by its cover, and all that?

Unable to hold back a smirk any longer, Ryan exchanged one final look with Chad, who grinned in encouragement, then threw his first pitch.

Strike.

In fact, the first two batters struck out easily. Troy was up next, and managed to hit a single, but that was all right; judging by the astonished looks all around him, they'd already made their point. It was only going to get harder from here on, now that the other team realised he was actually going to be a challenge.

When the inning was over and they were awaiting their next turns at bat, Chad suddenly asked, "Was that what I looked like? 'Cause I gotta say, that was pretty funny."

Ryan grinned at the memory. "Pretty much, yeah. Though I think you were too busy trying to convince me you don't dance to give the game your full attention," he added lightly, not having felt comfortable enough to tease him about his victory at the time.

"Whatever, Evans, we still beat you," Chad scoffed before they turned back to the current game.

In the end, it was a close game, but they managed to pull off a win anyway. To his astonishment, Ryan found himself surrounded by the very people who would ordinarily have him surreptitiously looking for an escape route--only they were congratulating, not threatening, him. A couple of guys were chiding Chad for having kept Ryan's skill a secret, saying they'd thought he had lost his mind for claiming him first when they chose teams; Chad threw an arm around his shoulders and replied, "You think I was going to risk having you guys snap him up first? Not a chance!"

And when everyone laughed, it was because the joke was on them, not Ryan. It was an amazing feeling.

He was stunned speechless when Chad went on, "So, what do you think? Should we work on getting this guy to try out for the team this year?" only to be greeted by a chorus of "hell, yeah!" Clearly the world had gone insane. He tried to demur, but no one seemed to be paying any attention. The crowd started moving en masse toward the parking lot where everyone began piling into cars. He got swept along with them--whether intentionally or not, he had no idea--and heard someone say something about going for pizza. With a mental shrug, he figured he might as well let this whole thing play out, see what happened; it wasn't like he could extricate himself at the moment anyway. If they hadn't meant to bring him along, he'd find out soon enough.

This post-game celebration was rather more boisterous than the one at Lava Springs had been, but as he had familiar faces around him Ryan was soon able to relax somewhat. It helped when the focus shifted off of him and he could stop worrying so much about saying the wrong thing. Much of the initial conversation centered around the game, so this time he was able to participate; already this was going better for him than lunch, and even that had been better than he'd expected.

During a relative lull in the noise, Chad turned to him and said, "I meant it about joining the team, you know. We could really use you if we want to make the championships this year."

Ryan felt his eyes widen and hoped he wasn't blushing. "I don't know if that's such a good idea...."

"Chad's right," Troy added. Ryan looked across the table in astonishment. "I've seen these guys play; they're pretty desperate for a decent pitcher." Troy laughed as Chad threw a balled-up napkin at him. "Seriously, man, it's not a bad idea. I bet I could get my dad to talk to the coach and Darbus, try and work the schedules so it wouldn't keep you from doing the spring musical."

Ryan felt his good mood dissipate and looked down at his plate before he could stop himself, hoping his unease wasn't too obvious. "Actually, I don't think I'll be doing drama club this year."

Kelsi--who'd missed the game, but joined them at the pizza place--suddenly bent forward so she could see him from further down the table. "What?" she exclaimed. "Why are you quitting drama?"

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "I think it's best. Sharpay still hasn't gotten over everything that happened this summer, so I imagine she's trying to find a way to kick me out as we speak."

"She can't do that! Ms D loves you. She'd never let you be forced out," Kelsi protested.

Ryan shrugged. "Why fight it? It's so much easier to just go along with what Sharpay wants. Especially considering that I have to live with her."

Silence fell briefly over their section of the table, then Chad nudged his shoulder and said, "That settles it, then. You're definitely joining the team."

He mustered up a fleeting smile. "Well, I'll think about it, at least," he conceded. As he'd hoped, that got them off his back for the time being, and they changed the subject.

To Ryan's surprise, he did find himself thinking about it later that evening, more seriously than he ever would have expected. He had several months before he'd have to make a decision, of course, but now that the idea was in his head it was hard to dismiss. To begin with, it would allow him and his sister to save a bit of face where the spring musical was concerned--Sharpay could believe that lingering guilt over his betrayal during the club talent show was the reason he didn't audition, and he could let everyone else think that he was simply too busy with baseball. He'd still have to find an excuse for the fall and winter shows, but it was a start. He also kind of missed being on a team; for the past several years they'd been so focused on theatre that he hadn't had time to really think about sports, and though there was always some camaraderie that developed among a cast, he and Sharpay had been the leads so often that they had ended up effectively isolated from the rest of the people they'd worked with, due in no small part to Sharpay's insistence that their talent and skill meant they were inherently better than the others. Even many of the drama club members didn't exactly want to hang out with them voluntarily.

But if he did this, if he joined the baseball team, he would have a whole group of people to spend time with, not just his sister. Sure, he, too, had dismissed most of them as being uninteresting not all that long ago, but that summer had taught him how wrong he was--at least in some cases. And he was willing to believe that he could be wrong about the other jocks as well; they'd certainly seemed to accept him quickly enough once they'd seen him play. He'd rather enjoyed hanging out with Chad and Gabriella and their friends, and he'd always thought Sharpay was wrong in her judgement of Kelsi. If he was on the team, he could keep hanging out with them. After all, they'd met him on his turf with the talent show, so perhaps it was time he returned the gesture.

Besides, he really had missed playing. He'd nearly forgotten how much fun it could be, caught up in the increasingly focused pursuit of the stage. Not that performing wasn't fun as well--he couldn't imagine ever giving that up permanently--but this was something that was just his, something Sharpay had no say in. She'd never liked that state of affairs, and looking back, he wondered how much of her "concern" that he'd injure himself and be unable to dance was genuine, and how much was just a ploy to lure him away from the one thing he'd been good at that she couldn't dominate.

Of course, he couldn't entirely blame her for his quitting; he'd started to feel unwelcome in the locker room, and in the end giving up baseball had seemed the easiest thing all around. But this time...Chad and the others had to realise he was queer, and they wanted him on the team with them anyway. So even if things were a little awkward or uncomfortable at first, he was beginning to believe everyone would get past it. It was certainly worth further consideration, at any rate.

The next day at school Ryan was, despite everything, a little surprised at how many people greeted him in the halls or when they shared a class. A lot of people he'd never exchanged two words with before the previous afternoon were now saying "hi", and apparently news of the game had spread pretty fast, because by lunch he was getting surprised looks from kids he was pretty sure hadn't even been there. In a way it was frustrating--years of flawless performances in school productions had never gained him anything like the approval he got from one stupid game of baseball--but he couldn't deny that it was nice nevertheless. This time when he entered the cafeteria he saw people waving at him from the table he'd sat at yesterday, and once he was through the line he didn't hesitate to go join them. It still felt a little awkward, like any moment they'd all turn and announce that he didn't belong there, but he ruthlessly quashed that idea as ridiculous. He'd felt the same way when Gabriella suggested he put together an act for the talent show, after all. He'd gotten over it then, and he'd do so now. Eventually. It was just a little hard to believe, sometimes, how suddenly things could change.

Gradually he became used to being part of a crowd, and though part of him missed being close to his sister, overall he wouldn't trade what he had now for anything. He'd even started to carve out a niche for himself within the group--his impersonations frequently had everyone in stitches; he had to be very careful about when and where he did the one of Sharpay, because despite not being the smartest guy in the world, Ryan wasn't actually stupid, but it was totally worth it to see Chad laugh so hard he cried when he pretended to be Sharpay at the height of her obsession with Troy. (Luckily, Troy took occasionally having Ryan drape himself all over him in good humour.) And while people still made comments about his fashion sense, they were now good-natured rather than cruel.

He suspected he had Gabriella to thank for a lot of it. Because Gabriella had a lot of influence over Troy, and everyone else took Troy's opinion very seriously. If he accepted you, plenty of other students would too. Even if you were weird and a bit flamboyant and preferred dancing to most sports and wore pink. Not to mention that whole "not officially out but not pretending to be straight, either" thing.

Things got a little awkward when Ms Darbus asked why he hadn't auditioned for the fall show, but somehow Ryan managed to convince her that he'd decided he needed to focus on his schoolwork. And he really did need to try harder in his classes--he just probably wouldn't have bothered ordinarily. (Then again, he had his heart set on Cincinnati Conservatory of Music, and while he was confident he could nail the audition, they accepted so few applicants into their Musical Theatre program each year he actually was worried they might opt for someone who was a bit less talented but a better student. So maybe he would've tried to improve his grades after all.)

Both Gabriella and Taylor proved perfectly willing to help him, though he sensed their frustration sometimes with his inability to grasp concepts that were perfectly obvious to them. He insisted on paying them the going rate for tutoring, since he could easily afford it and knew he wasn't exactly an ideal student. Some things were just above and beyond the bounds of friendship. To his surprise, they must have been getting through to him more than he'd realised, because his grades did slowly start to creep up. He'd never be moved up into the honors classes, much less the AP ones the girls were taking, but he was no longer struggling quite so much just to keep up.

He liked not being lost all the time in his classes enough to make a point of continuing to get regular tutoring even after he didn't need to use it as an excuse to take up his time. Toward the end of the fall quarter, he saw a notice in the paper for auditions for a local community theatre group that was putting on Parade. Sharpay had always scoffed at the notion of community theatre--school productions were hardly better, but at least she could impose her own opinions on them since she had the drama club pretty well under her thumb--but this time Ryan found himself considering it. Baseball season was still a few months away, he loved the show, and he'd really missed having something specific to do after school. Hanging out was all very well, but he liked having a purpose; so he decided to audition. He hadn't told anyone about it in case things didn't work out, but within a few days he was able to announce that he'd gotten a part. Not a lead--Sharpay would never have approved, even if it weren't "just" community theatre--but although his first character didn't even have a name, his track was a step up from the majority of the ensemble. In fact, he would be opening the show, and he had another short solo as well. Ryan was thrilled, and his new friends were almost as excited for him as his mother was. It was hard to balance those rehearsals and his new dedication to schoolwork, but he managed, and the sense of accomplishment was much greater than that he'd felt doing the school shows, since he was the only teenager in the cast who wasn't actually playing a child.

Needless to say, Sharpay--who had resumed speaking to him to some degree, but was clearly still holding a grudge--wasn't exactly pleased by his newfound success. Not only could she not take credit for it, he'd done it without so much as seeking her permission, much less approval. He'd thought it wouldn't matter to her, since she had once again secured the lead in the fall musical at school, in nearly every respect a much better part than the one he had, but it seemed Sharpay would never be happy. Ryan regretted losing her good opinion, however conditional it may have been, but he still couldn't bring himself to regret the events of the summer that had led to the current state of affairs.

At least he had plenty of things to keep himself occupied with--and out of Sharpay's way. It hurt that she didn't make any effort to arrange her rehearsal schedule to allow her to come see him perform when their parents did--he was quite certain Darbus would have been accommodating, under the circumstances--but he had a miniature cheering section one night when a bunch of Wildcats turned up, and that was nice. Doubly so since he knew that most of them had no intentions of attending the school play, and had only come to his to support him.

Ryan tried to return the favour as often as possible. He'd already attended more sporting events since the school year began than he had the entire rest of his life, but it wasn't nearly as dull as he'd anticipated. To begin with, having a regular group of people to sit and talk with made everything better, he'd found. More importantly, the scenery was often very nice, and though he tried to keep his appreciation for specific individuals discreet, he had no qualms about joining the girls in checking out the competitors as a group. He developed a particular fondness for track meets; football was too confusing despite Chad's enthusiastic attempts to explain the rules, and all the padding involved got in the way of more shallow forms of enjoyment. It was especially boring since his favourite object of such shallowness these days wasn't on the football team.

Winter, of course, brought basketball season, and since most of the guys in their little clique were on the team, it was often just Ryan and the girls in the stands. He didn't mind; they were less likely to freak out if he slipped up and spent too long looking at someone, and given the skimpiness of the uniforms, there was certainly a lot to look at.

Once again Chad took it upon himself to try and "educate" him, but this time he went beyond just lectures on the rules, insisting on trying to teach Ryan how to actually play. Several of the other guys joined in, and usually before long the "lessons" would end up devolving into laughter as everyone genially made fun of Ryan's deliberately exaggerated attempts to try and follow all of their often-contradictory advice at once. He wasn't really getting any closer to being able to play basketball, but he had a lot more fun entertaining people anyway.

Chad had never entirely stopped trying to convince him to join the baseball team, and as tryouts approached, he'd even offered to practice with Ryan, so he'd be as ready as possible when they arrived. Ryan wasn't about to turn this chance down, so a lot of their mutual free time was spent at the batting cages or working on their pitching. Some days a couple of the others would join them, but most of the time it was just the two of them. He really appreciated Chad's commitment to helping him make the team, particularly since it was all his idea in the first place. That was really what tipped the balance in the "to try out or not to try out" equation--Ryan had never quite been able to convince himself Chad and the others hadn't just been saying he should join the team out of politeness, but no one would go through this much trouble for something they hadn't actually meant. That, and the fact that Ryan had a hard time saying no to Chad.

Knowing at least some of last year's team was expecting him to be there didn't make showing up at the tryouts any less intimidating, however. It wasn't about showing off or confounding expectations any longer; by that point he honestly wanted to make the team, and he had to admit, if only to himself, that the titters and jeers when he walked up embarrassed him more than they should. It didn't help that when Chad came over to greet him, he mentioned having told the coach to look out for Ryan--more pressure to perform wasn't exactly what he needed just then. Despite all the recent practice, he was nervous: until the previous summer, he hadn't played since Little League, and the confidence he always felt onstage wasn't carrying over.

He snuck in a few calming moments of yoga breathing as he stretched, and as usual it helped give him strength to face this. Not long after, he was too busy to worry about anything beyond the task of the moment. Every so often, Chad or one of the others would give him a word of encouragement, and he remembered why he was putting himself through this in the first place. It helped.

Three grueling hours later, they were dismissed. As everyone trudged off the field, the crowd of hopefuls naturally subdivided into smaller groups as friends found each other to commiserate over how badly things had gone. Ryan found himself walking between Chad--who was convinced Ryan had made it--and Jason, the only other baseball player in what he privately thought of as "the Troy-and-Gabriella Gang".

"Dude!" Jason said in the inflection Ryan had eventually determined was an indication that a question was to follow.

"What?"

"Why aren't you more winded? Look around! The other newbies are barely able to breathe!"

Ryan laughed. "I'm a dancer, remember?" He got blank looks from both sides. "Have you ever thought about the kind of stamina it takes to be able to spend two or three hours dancing while still being able to sing well? And actually, that's just the performances themselves; rehearsals and classes sometimes last all day. At this point it takes a lot to leave me out of breath."

The others looked thoughtful, then Chad nodded. "Huh. Never thought about it like that before, but I can see your point. I guess you're in pretty good shape, then."

"Pretty much. Dancing may not be a sport, but if you're serious about it, you basically are an athlete in all the ways that matter. People just don't tend to recognise it."

"Well, they will now, once this year's team has been announced. I'm telling you, there's no way you're not in. Coach was watching you closely, and he definitely seemed impressed."

"Yeah, well. We'll see."

He tried to put it out of his mind as much as possible over the next couple of days, though that wasn't easy when it seemed like everyone around him was conspiring to talk about the school's baseball prospects that year every time he turned around. When the day for the roster to be posted arrived, Ryan was uncharacteristically nervous. When Darbus posted a cast list, he and Sharpay checked it, but that was mostly just for the pleasure of seeing their names in print. The only time they'd had any doubts about being cast was the year before, thanks to Gabriella and Troy. Now, however...he was anything but confident. He felt he'd performed pretty well at tryouts, but that wasn't a guarantee, particularly given how far in the past all of his baseball experience was. "Little League World Series Champion" sounded impressive, sure, but it said nothing about how well he could play now, so many years later.

In any case, he wasn't at all certain his name would be on the list, and despite the casual attitude he took care to portray, he'd somehow ended up with his heart set on this. Wanting a chance to get his disappointment under control before he had to face anyone, assuming the worst, he snuck into a classroom near the gym with a decent view of the locker room door before the list was due to go up. Through the window in the classroom door he watched as a flock of eager boys pushed their way into the locker room, then traipsed back out a couple of minutes later. He thought he caught Chad looking around for him, but ducked back before he could be spotted. Waiting a little longer to make sure there were no stragglers left inside, Ryan crept out of his hiding place and snuck into the locker room himself. He'd spent the past three and a half years avoiding this place as much as possible--the week they'd started high school, their parents had arranged for Ryan and Sharpay to get PE credit for their dance classes, which meant he'd never had to actually take gym--so it took him a little time to find the right coach's office; in fact, he had to ask Troy's father, which was embarrassing.

He scanned the seemingly innocuous paper with some trepidation, but there it was: Evans, R. Without realising it, he began dancing in joy; once he noticed what he was doing, he glanced around sheepishly to make sure the area was still deserted.

Not even the thought that he might have been seen could wipe the smile off his face, though.

He hadn't made it very far out of the locker room when he encountered Chad heading back towards him. "There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you."

"Yeah, sorry. I was running a little late this morning," Ryan lied smoothly.

Chad turned to walk with him, slinging a friendly arm over his shoulder. "Told you you'd make the team! This is going to be awesome. Between the two of us, we're going to have a great season. Maybe even as good as we've been having for basketball!"

"Aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself there?" Ryan asked with a laugh. "Surely it's, like, bad luck or something to start predicting success before even the first practice."

"Whatever, man. I know I'm right, just wait. See you at lunch!" Chad added before veering off toward homeroom.

Ryan continued on to his own homeroom in a daze. He wasn't so distracted that he failed to notice the curious look Sharpay gave him when he walked in, however; he gave her a tentative smile in return, and vowed that if she hung around after homeroom long enough, he'd tell her why he was nearly late. It was long past time they started repairing their relationship, even if he doubted they'd ever be as close as they once were.

With that in mind, he took his time gathering his things when the bell rang, letting the other kids leave before he looked up. Somewhat to his surprise, Sharpay was indeed still in the room, so he decided to give it a shot. "Hey," he ventured, figuring it was best to test the waters rather than just assume she'd be interested in his news.

"Hey."

Not an actively encouraging response, but at least it was neutral, so he decided to forge ahead. "So, I, uh, made the baseball team."

Judging by the widening of her eyes before she got her expression under control, Shar either hadn't thought him capable of it, or had been ignoring him to the point where she hadn't even paid enough attention to his conversations with their parents to know he was trying out. Ryan wasn't sure which was more insulting.

"Oh. What about the spring musical?"

"I don't think I'm going to audition. There will always be shows to audition for, somewhere, but this is probably the last time I'll have a chance to play ball again," he explained, hoping she wouldn't turn this into a huge production. The lack of audience was on his side there, for now, but pretty soon kids would start arriving for first period....

He watched as his sister wrapped herself once more in the familiar role of East High's Ice Princess, sniffed contemptuously, and strutted out of the room. With a relieved sigh, he grabbed his stuff and hurried off to his first class; that had gone better than expected. That was actually a pretty reasonable reaction, for Sharpay. She hadn't ranted about how nothing was more important than theatre, or yelled at him for leaving her with no audition partner, or anything he might have predicted. Instead, she'd just accepted his decision, and if she also felt the need to protect herself from seeming like she cared either way, well, that was fine. She'd actually sounded curious when she'd asked him about the musical, not dismissive or threatening or any other tone she'd been using with him for the past several months, so he considered it a breakthrough.

Good timing, too; soon he was going to have another personal problem to deal with, and having his relationship with his sister on the mend would leave him with more attention to devote to figuring out how he was going to handle being on the baseball team. With Chad. Who, as he'd been reminded that very morning, was a highly tactile person, very comfortable initiating physical contact with his friends. In a totally platonic, extremely frustrating way.

With effort, Ryan refrained from banging his head on his desk. He really hadn't thought about what it would mean when he decided to go out for the team. Specifically, how much more time he'd be spending around the boy he'd had a secret crush on for quite a while now. Usually he was able to shove it to the side and simply enjoy Chad's friendship, but this was going to be a serious test of his self-control.

Not that that stopped him from taking what had become his usual seat next to Chad when lunchtime came around, of course. Ryan's private justification was that it was easier to keep his eyes from drifting in Chad's direction too often when he had to turn his head to do so. It wasn't even an entirely bogus reason, either; the last thing he wanted was to call attention to his feelings. Sure, everyone seemed unfazed by the idea that he was gay--in principle; but it was likely to be different if they knew he had a thing for one of them. "Awkward" was probably the best he could hope for in that situation, possibly even too awkward to make his continuing to be a part of the group feasible. Deep down, however, he couldn't deny that he sat where he did because he liked it when Chad nudged his shoulder to get his attention, or accidentally bumped his arm while waving his hands around as he told a story, or reached over him for the salt instead of asking for it to be passed like a civilised person.

Today, in fact, everyone had barely sat down before Chad's arm was once again around his shoulders as he proudly announced that Ryan'd made the team, like it was Chad's own accomplishment somehow. Granted, in a way it was, since Ryan never would have considered trying out without Chad's encouragement, but he still found Chad's almost proprietary air amusing. But the congratulations were welcome, and not solely because they provided an excuse for the blush he felt certain was creeping over his cheeks despite his best efforts to stop it. Everyone appeared genuinely happy for him, without seeming surprised enough to make it insulting. Then some of the boys started debating the team's chances that year, and soon the arm around Ryan's shoulders was withdrawn, leaving him able to compose himself enough to actually eat his lunch while they talked.

He received a few more congratulations that afternoon, from some of his new teammates who weren't part of their usual group but seemed willing enough to have him on board. By the time the final bell rang, Ryan was eagerly looking forward to sharing the news with his parents, too. He knew without a doubt that they'd be thrilled for him, every bit as much as they always were when he or Shar got a role they wanted. Perhaps more, even, since by now getting cast was almost a sure thing; there was never any suspense, Twinkle Town excepted. But this...this was something he'd actually had to take a chance on; taking a chance was something his parents had always encouraged in both of them, and he knew they'd been proud he'd decided to go for it despite his doubts.

His mother had been particularly supportive, but then, she always was. Ryan figured he owed her--a lot. Far more than he could ever repay, certainly, though he did his best to at least keep from worrying her--like not complaining about some of Sharpay's more outrageous behavior. In the past, when he'd gone along with pretty much anything his sister wanted, he hadn't wanted to risk facing his mother's disappointment in him, and now that he'd broken free from Shar's influence he was trying to become a better person. Causing trouble at home didn't seem like it would fit in with that goal very well, so he'd done his best to avoid commenting on anything his sister did.

But things were starting to look up on that front, if homeroom was any indication, so maybe he wouldn't have to look for ways to change the subject any time his parents asked him anything about Shar for much longer. They didn't even have a lot of classes together this quarter; it was as though life was conspiring to make it easier for them to go their separate ways. And if their mother asked him about it, they were simply growing up--they couldn't be by each other's side forever, after all, and surely it was past time for them to start being two separate people, rather than simply halves of a pair. It was likely they would end up going to different colleges and need to know how to be on their own, was the reasoning he'd use publicly; and while that was true, secretly Ryan was ecstatic that for the first time he could remember, people were looking at him and thinking "Ryan" rather than "Sharpay's twin". He hadn't realised quite how much it had bothered him to be seen as part of his sister until Gabriella reached out last summer and pulled him out of Sharpay's orbit. After all, he'd had nothing else in his life at that point but performing, no one else but Sharpay.

Now, though...now he had friends, and theatre experience that, while still amateur, wasn't a foregone conclusion for a change, and even baseball back in his life. It appeared he hadn't lost his sister entirely after all, and there was really only one thing he could think of that might make life even better. But since that wasn't likely to happen, he'd simply enjoy what he had for as long as it lasted; he'd get over the thing with Chad eventually, and until then it would only really be a problem if someone found out about it.

Ryan announced his big news over dinner, and his parents' enthusiasm was all he had hoped. Sharpay even made an effort to appear pleased, though he thought he detected something in her eyes that almost looked like...disappointment? He spent the rest of the meal trying to figure out what that could mean. He dismissed the idea that she was disappointed that he'd gotten something he wanted almost immediately; she was perfectly capable of it, but given that it had been a while since she'd acted maliciously toward him, he doubted that was the case now. It wasn't until they were beginning dessert that he recalled her question in homeroom about the spring musical. Could she possibly have wanted to audition with him? After blowing him off all year? He eyed his sister speculatively.

She put on a good front, of course, but to someone who knew her as well as he did, she seemed a bit listless. She hadn't said anything about auditioning to him, but then, she probably wouldn't. She'd probably just announce that they had to rehearse and berate him for not being dedicated enough, and trust he'd understand it was meant as an apology. He would have, too; it was impossible to survive eighteen years in the same house with Sharpay without learning to to read the things she refused to say. If that was what she'd intended, she had waited too long. He couldn't be sure what he might have decided had she let him know she wanted things to go back to the way they were--how could he choose between his friends and his sister?--but the thought that she even wanted to make up touched him.

He knew Sharpay probably wouldn't make another overture now that her presumed plan of attack had been preemptively foiled, so it would be up to him to try and mend things between them. As he finished his sorbet he came up with an idea that just might work, incorporating as it did one of his sister's favourite activities.

When they were dismissed from the table, Ryan followed Sharpay upstairs, wanting to catch her away from their parents so she wouldn't feel like she had to agree whether she wanted to or not. She was about to enter her room when he stopped her.

"Hey, Shar, you got a minute?"

She didn't say anything, but when she turned to him he could see she was surprised. He couldn't blame her; it had probably been months since he'd attempted to initiate a conversation with her. Encouraged by her silence, he went ahead.

"So, I was thinking--with this whole baseball thing, I'm going to need something I can wear to practice in, something that can get all dirty without it being a big deal. I was hoping you might feel up to a little shopping expedition this evening?" When she didn't respond right away, he decided fixing their relationship at last was worth stroking her ego a bit. "I could really use your advice."

After watching him thoughtfully for a moment, Sharpay tossed her hair and said, "Well, of course you could." Without waiting for a reply, she turned and strutted back down the hallway, clearly expecting him to follow. Ryan couldn't help grinning; his twin was back.

Wonder of wonders, they managed to provide him with a decent-sized selection of items that were stylish enough for an Evans to be seen in, but plain enough to get grubby in--without killing each other. It wasn't quite the same as old times, but far closer than they'd gotten since the previous summer began. The following morning they still drove to school separately, but that seemed more like a matter of practicality than backsliding: he had his first baseball practice after school, so carpooling didn't make sense.

He still sat with his friends at lunch rather than the drama club, but Sharpay gave him a nod--and a skeptical glance in Chad's direction; it was scary how well she could read him even after months of ignoring him--as she passed their table. They had to start somewhere, and it was probably better to rebuild their relationship slowly. A part of Ryan was afraid that if they just jumped back into being as close as they once were, he'd fall into the old patterns, and despite how much he'd missed his sister he refused to go back to always deferring to her. That just...wasn't him anymore.

All in all, it was an unusually good day for Ryan. The trick was to keep focusing on the good things--making up with Sharpay, making the team, his friends--in order to force thoughts of the upcoming practice to the back of his mind. Privately, he had to admit he was nervous. Not about the practice itself, exactly; no, what worried him was the rest of the whole ritual. Specifically, the locker room. The arguments he'd used to convince himself it wouldn't be an issue seemed less convincing as the need for them grew imminent.

He managed to casually run into Chad and Jason after the last bell rang so he could walk to practice in the safety of friends. He and the other new boys were assigned lockers, then Ryan pulled some of his new clothes out of his messenger bag and began to change while conversation flowed around him. This part didn't bother him; he'd spent far too many hours in dressing rooms for guys in their underwear to be a big deal. As long as no one else made an issue out of his being there, changing before practice wouldn't be a problem. (Hell, even Chad wasn't going to be too much of a distraction, given that he'd already seen him half-naked when they'd swapped shirts that time at Lava Springs. A temptation, yes, but one Ryan could ignore.)

The practice itself also went smoothly. Most of Ryan's concerns on that score had dissipated once he'd actually made the team; he figured if he wasn't considered good enough to hold his own, he wouldn't be there. Given how welcoming the rest of the team had been once the roster was posted, the others seemed to agree. He'd still have to prove himself once the season actually began, of course, but for now his confidence level was just fine, thank you.

Once practice was over, however, he deliberately trailed behind everyone as they headed back to the locker room, letting himself fall further and further back. The strategy appeared to work; by the time he reached the locker room it looked like a third of the team was already in the showers, with the rest not far behind. Ryan grabbed a towel from the stack before slipping unobtrusively through the crowd to his locker. Again he took his time as he undressed. He was meticulously folding his dirty practice clothes when Chad and Jason plopped down on either side of him on the bench. They, too, were wearing nothing but the towels wrapped around their waists, and judging from the state of their hair they hadn't showered yet either.

"Okay, man, first of all," Chad began, "since I can't believe there's any way you're wearing those clothes again before washing them, why on earth are you worried about getting them wrinkled?"

"Habit," Ryan said, shrugging.

"And secondly, what's taking you so long? If we don't hurry up, the hot water will be gone. C'mon."

He hesitated, then glanced around. Though people were starting to drift back in, the section of the locker room they were in was currently empty, so he decided to confide in them. That was what friends were supposed to be for, right?

"Yeah, sorry. It's just...locker room showers, you know?" he said, making sure to keep his voice down. Chad and Jason may be friends, but despite having been friendly thus far the rest of the team hadn't earned that designation yet. No need to go giving anyone ideas.

Judging from the blank looks he received, they didn't get it. He'd rather not have had to come out and say it, but now that he'd started, there was no going back. "Really bad place for guys like me--straight boys tend to get paranoid when you get a bunch of them together and naked, for some reason," he added, attempting a laugh he could immediately tell sounded fake. "I figure the best way to reduce the chances of the whole mob mentality thing happening is to reduce the size of the potential mob, which means waiting until most people are through."

Jason still looked confused. "You think the guys are going to, like, attack you? They're your teammates, dude!"

"It's not that I think they will, or I would never have joined the team; it's just...." Ryan sighed, trying to think how to explain. "I've known--too many people it's happened to. For some of them, the guys that caused the most damage were their teammates. So I'm a little...apprehensive, shall we say, even if logically I know I'll probably be fine."

"So...would it help if Jason and I made sure at least one of us always showers at the same time you do?" Chad asked uncertainly. "That way we could, like, step in or whatever if it looked like something was about to happen."

Ryan was touched; friends or not, he'd frankly expected them to dismiss his concerns, if not laugh outright. Clearly they still didn't quite understand--hardly surprising; this wasn't exactly the kind of thing they'd ever had to think about--but they were obviously trying. "I'd...really appreciate that. Thank you."

The others flanked him as together they made their way through the growing numbers of boys heading back to get dressed. Ryan barely managed not to break his stride when he suddenly felt a warm hand clap him between the shoulder blades.

"Okay, folding your practice clothes is one thing, but there is no way you're wearing those flip-flops into the shower!" Chad teased.

Whether intentionally or not, the light mockery helped Ryan relax enough to smile and shoot back, "Hey, I'll shower with you Neanderthals if I have to, but I'm not about to risk catching some sort of fungus in the process."

And wonder of wonders, Ryan found himself still laughing with them as they entered the dreaded showers.

As the days passed, they were true to their word; Ryan was never left alone in the showers. Somewhat to his surprise, even Jason managed to be almost subtle about it, too. They simply walked back from the field together, and though their lockers weren't really near his, it was easy enough for whoever was undressed first to go find the others and resume whatever conversation they'd been having. It didn't take long for him to be able to forget that they were essentially serving as bodyguards; the routine became natural, easy. What was more, if either of them had said anything to the others about his concerns, no one had brought it up around him. Whether it was discretion on the part of Chad and Jason, or simply tact from everyone else, he was grateful for the chance to feel normal when he was with the gang, rather than like they were all looking at him funny.

The whole concept of not feeling like people were looking at him funny in the first place still struck him as a little surreal now and then. But in a good way.

In between baseball practices, homework, and hanging out with his friends Ryan tried his best to make time for finally repairing his relationship with Sharpay. Since their shopping expedition she seemed to have let go of the last of her resentment, and as he'd hoped doing separate after-school activities made it easier for him to be friendly with her again without falling into his old role. Their conversations still tended to be mostly about her, but that was just how Sharpay was; and she did on occasion ask about his life, which in itself was an improvement. Now that he had his sister back--and yeah, maybe they weren't as close as they used to be, but Ryan suspected this was healthier in the long run, so it was probably a good change--Ryan was happier than he had been in a long time. There was really nothing more he could imagine wanting that was at all within the realm of possibility, and he was determined to enjoy these last few months of high school to the fullest.

When baseball season finally began in earnest, he discovered it was in fact possible for life to get even better, even if only in a shallow, meaningless way. He got to pitch the first game of the season, and the Wildcats won easily. If Ryan thought he gained a lot of attention after the back-to-school game, that was nothing compared to this. Before he knew it, boys he'd barely known existed--and even a few girls who apparently hadn't gotten the memo--were practically fawning all over him. He was pretty sure he could've easily gotten laid at the after party, and although he didn't try, it was nice to feel wanted all the same. He still felt that the adoration people heaped onto athletes at the expense of other talents was excessive and unfair, but now that he was secure in his own genuine friendships, he resolved to just sit back and enjoy his fleeting popularity for what it was.

One day while it was all still new, he and Chad were walking down the hall on their way to practice, barely able to go two feet without some total stranger or other saying hello or otherwise trying to get their attention. It was like something out of one of Sharpay's fantasies. Completely unreal.

"You know," Ryan commented once they'd made it through the crowd, "for years I thought the whole worshipping jocks thing was completely stupid."

"And now?"

"It's still stupid. But kinda fun," he conceded.

Chad grinned. "Oh, yeah. Having people automatically move out of my way in the halls never gets old."

"I just..."

"What?"

"It's stupid. But I can't help thinking that I'm basically the same person I was a month ago, only they'd never have dreamed of treating me like this before they knew I could play a sport."

Chad slung an arm about him and said, in much the same tone he'd once used to explain football or basketball, "Look, do you think they really care about anything else? About you, me, Troy? None of them have the slightest interest in who we are, just what we can do. And yeah, it's annoying sometimes, but you just have to remember that the groupies are the ones like that, not your friends. Think of it as practice for dealing with those adoring fans you know you want someday."

Ryan laughed. "When you put it like that...."

"Yeah, I thought you'd see it differently," Chad said with a grin. "Now, stop complaining and enjoy the hell out of it!"

Knowing he wasn't the only one who sometimes felt that all the attention was empty helped. The combination of pride and approval he received from his teammates and his friends meant more, but as the season wore on Ryan learned he was far from immune to the good opinion of the rest of the school. Baseless though it might be, he revelled in the knowledge that he could finally walk the halls in even his pinkest, most sparkly outfit and not have to worry about reprisals; in an astonishingly short time he'd come to be considered the star of the baseball team, and as he'd lamented many times over the years, star athletes really did rule the school. He didn't take advantage of his new position--in fact, he barely changed his daily behaviour, still hanging out with the theatre geeks, now that he was no longer avoiding Sharpay, and still dressing as flamboyantly as ever. He never bossed underclassmen around or asked other people to do his homework for him (much though he might like to) or any of the other things that some of the less scrupulous jocks did. But the point was, he could have, and secretly he kind of liked knowing that.

He thought he understood, now, a little of why Sharpay liked to surround herself with sycophants. It was certainly an ego boost, having people hang on your every word, and though Ryan didn't like to admit it, he suspected that if he'd received this kind of attention even just a year earlier, he'd have eaten it up. In retrospect, he was glad that in the past people had tended to ignore him in favour of his sister; now, he'd had a chance to know real friendship, and could put the superficial kind in perspective.

It probably helped that some of those friends tended to tease him about it--Chad in particular. Chad still liked to jokingly claim credit for "discovering" Ryan, conveniently overlooking the fact that without Gabriella Ryan would never have been anywhere near the baseball diamond that day, and he also took it upon himself to, as he often put it, "keep the fame from going to Ryan's head". Ryan couldn't help liking that most of all; every joking shove, every smilingly-offered insult, just served to make him feel more accepted. And since that pesky crush hadn't faded, having Chad treat him this way--the way he treated guys he'd been close to for years--well, he'd trade all the rest of it for just a few minutes of that.

He'd long since given up trying to convince himself this obsession with his best friend was anything but pathetic, but he was okay with that. Soon enough they'd all be going their separate ways for college, and chances were they'd lose touch soon afterward, so there seemed little point in worrying about it. If no one had picked up on his feelings by now, they weren't likely to, so he might as well enjoy what he could while he had the opportunity. And if sometimes he wished for more, well, there was no reason anyone had to know.

It hadn't taken great powers of observation to pick up on the fact that he alone of the group never got teased about liking someone or even just asked who he might have an eye on, and under the circumstances, Ryan considered it a good thing. As signs his friends weren't quite as comfortable with his orientation as they generally seemed to be went, a complete lack of curiosity about his personal life was pretty benign, and since it meant not having to lie about his feelings for Chad, he was all for it. He could lie, of course; he was more than capable of doing so convincingly. But it didn't seem right, somehow--lying to friends. He was perfectly happy to lie by omission, however. And the fact that none of them cared to know made doing so easy.

It probably helped that Chad and Taylor weren't publicly affectionate; he didn't know how he would have handled it if they'd been as nauseatingly demonstrative as Troy and Gabriella. In fact, though, as far as Ryan had seen they basically treated each other as friends when other people were around. He could never tell them, but he appreciated their circumspection. If Gabriella hadn't mentioned it last summer, he might have never even known they were dating. Not having their relationship rubbed in his face all the time certainly made keeping his inevitable jealousy under control easier than it might have been.

Between baseball, schoolwork, and just plain hanging out with friends, the weeks flew past. Before Ryan knew it, even the boys were already talking about prom. Was it really that close to the end of the year? Thanks to all the changes in his life since September, Ryan almost didn't want the school year to end, and the thought that all these wonderful things were nearly over wasn't something he wanted to contemplate.

Neither was prom, for that matter. Years ago Shar had declared school dances beneath them, and Ryan had always been more than happy to follow her lead on the subject. Spending an evening surrounded by kids he barely knew and mostly didn't get along with, without even his sister for company, had never sounded like fun, and none of the boys he knew dared to show up to school functions with another boy as a date. Not that he blamed them; after all, his family's money and his sister's ability to terrorise the school could only protect him so far, and probably wouldn't extend to cover third parties. Given the current state of his love life, prom, too, would be just another evening. Sure, if he did go he'd at least have people to talk to now, but he didn't relish the idea of watching from the sidelines as everybody else paired off.

Okay, he didn't want to have to watch as Chad and Taylor actually acted like a couple for a change.

So when as they were changing for practice one day someone said something about how he probably could afford to not have to share a limo, he simply informed them he wasn't planning to go at all.

"Why not?" Jason asked.

Ryan shrugged. "Prom's really a couple-y kind of thing. It'd be weird."

"Nah, man," Chad said easily. "A bunch of us single guys are going. We're going to hang out by the refreshments and mock people. It'll be fun!"

Ryan was so surprised by the implication he blurted out the first thing in his head. "You're not going with Taylor?"

"What? No, why would I?"

"I thought--last summer, Gabriella said you guys were...."

Chad laughed. "Oh, yeah. We were, sorta. But not long after school started we realised we didn't really think of each other as anything more than friends. We were 'together' for nearly ten months and never actually went on a date; it kind of seemed like a sign, you know? I think she's going with some guy from chem club."

The fact that Chad wasn't involved with Taylor didn't make it any more likely he'd ever fall for Ryan, of course, but all the same this sudden reversal in what he thought he knew took several moments to process. He wasn't sure, but he had a feeling he may have been talked into going to prom after all while he wasn't paying attention. Then again, at the moment that didn't seem like such a bad idea as it used to.

Yes, he was truly pathetic.

Regardless, now that he'd let himself be roped into attending, Ryan figured he might as well go all out. That he'd be wearing white tie was a no-brainer--naturally he'd have to go that much further than other boys, and he always enjoyed an excuse to get really dressed up. Besides, anyone could wear a tuxedo; it took grace to pull off tails. But he also wanted to do something to show his appreciation for his friends and teammates, to thank them for accepting him as they had, whether they knew that was what he was doing or not. He discarded several ideas before realising they had inadvertently suggested something themselves: he could provide a limo. He knew the guys who were going alone thought it wasn't worth the expense without girls to impress, but they were still teenage boys. Any opportunity to ride in a fancy car was a thrill, and chances were good that none of them had been in a limo before, except maybe for a funeral, when they could hardly enjoy it. He promised himself that Chad wouldn't be the first one he picked up, though; giving himself a chance to pretend they were on a date was something Ryan refused to do. Pathetic or not, there were some depths to which an Evans would never stoop.

Prom itself fell right before the baseball playoffs began, and for the people Ryan was going with, the evening turned into a celebration of having actually made the playoffs for the first time since before any of them had started at East. Chad, naturally, continued to give most of the credit to Ryan while claiming responsibility for getting him on the team. Ryan by this point just laughed, having noticed that this way of looking at things actually gave Chad the ultimate credit for the team's success without his appearing to make the claim himself. Not exactly subtle, but then, Ryan's ability to find that anything but endearing had fled long ago. In any case, Ryan's baseball hero status was in full force at prom, which meant he spent the evening doing anything but watching alone from the sidelines. Several of the girls asked him to dance, and whenever he took a break from dancing he soon found himself surrounded by boys discussing sports. It wasn't exactly the prom of his dreams, but it certainly beat the one he'd expected.

In fact, the night went so well that Ryan allowed himself one indulgence: when the time came, he had the limo driver change the order in which the others were dropped off. He figured he deserved a few extra minutes with Chad after all. It wasn't like he was under any delusions; of course nothing would happen. He just wasn't quite ready to say goodnight.

As the limo pulled away from dropping off the last of the other boys, Chad leaned back in his seat and sighed.

"I can't believe it's nearly all over."

"What is?"

"Everything! Senior year, high school. An entire phase of our lives, almost gone."

Ryan quirked an eyebrow. "Get philosophical in the middle of the night, do we?"

"Maybe a little." Chad smiled. "But that doesn't mean it's not true. Before we know it, everything's going to change. We won't even be in the same city anymore, most of the time."

Ryan shrugged. "I guess. It'll probably be worse for all of you, though. I mean, it'll be strange not having Shar around, even if we haven't been as close lately, but for me this past year has been like...like living in a dream," he admitted, just tired enough to not care what he was revealing. "I've gotten past the point where I expect to wake up and find everything back to normal, mostly, but I'm still not entirely used to it. So I guess I'm more grateful to have had this time at all than worried about losing it."

Chad looked thoughtful. "I guess high school probably wasn't all that good to you," he observed somberly.

"Not especially, no." Not liking the direction the conversation was taking, Ryan tried to lighten the mood. "But it definitely got better once we became friends."

The grin made a reappearance. "Well, yeah, 'cause I'm awesome."

Ryan laughed. "Okay."

"It's too bad we waited so long to get to know each other. You're a lot of fun, and I can't believe it took me so long to notice."

"To be honest, until last summer I probably wouldn't have given you the time of day even if you had tried to get to know me," Ryan admitted. "Jocks weren't exactly my favourite people, and I can be just as guilty of stereotyping as anyone else."

"So...we should be glad that your sister was going to such lengths to get Troy last summer and be done with it?" Chad suggested.

"Works for me."

"Speaking of Sharpay, I'm surprised she didn't come over tonight to, like, gloat or whatever. You know, show off her no doubt impressive dress."

"Oh, she wasn't there," Ryan replied unthinkingly.

Chad blinked. "Really? Why not? It seems like the kind of thing she'd love. A chance to be the center of attention and all. And it's not like she can't bribe or threaten someone into taking her if she needed a date."

So much for lightening the mood. "We never go to school dances," he said simply, hoping Chad would leave it at that.

"Seriously? But...you love getting dressed up and dancing and all that stuff."

"We pretend we're above school dances, but the truth is...we went to one, once. Back in middle school. We'd been looking forward to it for weeks. The actual experience was...unpleasant," Ryan confessed quietly, wishing he could go back to repressing the memory and believing their self-deception. Unfortunately, the contrast with the evening he'd just had was too great, dredging it all up again whether he wanted to remember or not. "I know we tend to act like we think we're better than everyone, but we're not stupid. We've known for years what people think of us. It's just easier when you can convince yourself they're not worth your time in the first place."

Ryan couldn't believe he'd revealed so much, despite his exhaustion. Although it was usually one of his favourite activities of late, he was unable to look at Chad, afraid of what he might see. Pity didn't sit well with an Evans under any circumstances, but to be pitied by his best friend, even aside from his other feelings, would be too much.

An awkward silence settled over them for a time, until Chad said uneasily, "Sorry, man."

Ryan shrugged and continued to watch the lights pass by outside the window. Chad, too, seemed willing to let the conversation drop, and didn't even complain that now they were no longer talking, he had to listen to the musicals that were on Ryan's iPod, which had been hooked up to the rear compartment's stereo. Ryan couldn't stand being in a car without music on, even if just in the background. Much to his chagrin, the playlist shuffled around to I Never Wanted to Love You, which in many ways seemed far too fitting just then.

"I never wanted to love you; I never wanted 'till death do we two part'. Condescend, stay my friend. How do I start not to love you?" he found himself singing along softly out of habit when the time came, hoping Chad wouldn't read anything into it beyond Ryan's natural tendency to sing along with songs he knew. Especially since whatever he might read into it had a good chance of being true.

When the song had finished, he was startled by Chad's voice saying, "I thought musicals were supposed to be, like, happy and stuff. Not, well, cynical."

Ryan looked back over at him, surprised by the observation. Since when did Chad pay attention to songs from musicals, even when they were playing in his vicinity? "Not all of them, especially in the last few decades. And didn't you say once that your mother had some unhealthy obsession with Phantom of the Opera? Have you never actually listened to it? That's not at all happy. Melodramatic and emo as a thirteen-year-old girl's diary, yes. Not very good, absolutely. But happy? Not in the slightest," as he warmed to his subject, Ryan's melancholy mood faded away, replaced with the enthusiasm he always felt when talking about his favourite subject.

"As a matter of fact, though, a lot of the show that song comes from is, if not happy, certainly joyful. And funny and quirky and painful, and, yes, cynical. But really, what you come away from it remembering is not just the heartbreaking ending, but the energy and joy of most of the score. At least, that's how I always remember it. Oh! You might like this song, from a little later; it's more representative of they way I think of that show overall." Without waiting for Chad to protest that no, really, he wasn't asking for an impromptu musical theatre appreciation lesson, Ryan crawled down the seat to where the iPod was tethered, turned up the volume a bit, and skipped to The Baseball Game. About five seconds in--they hadn't needed to get past "We're sitting and watching Jason play baseball"--Chad laughed and shot him an approving smile. Ryan grinned back.

To his surprise, Chad remained quiet throughout the song and actually appeared to be listening; Ryan was particularly pleased that he didn't seem bothered by the gay content, and even snickered at the "He still queer?" exchange.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but...that wasn't half bad, Evans," Chad admitted reluctantly when Ryan had turned the volume back down to more of an "underscore" level. "Way better than Michael Crawford, at least."

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone you thought so," Ryan teased him.

"Eh, tell whoever you want. I'll just deny it."

Now it was Ryan's turn to snicker. Chad would, too, but he bet it'd be in an "inside joke" kind of way rather than maliciously. Right now, though, he was looking at Ryan with an odd half-affectionate, half-bemused expression on his face.

"What?" Ryan asked, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

"Nothing," Chad claimed before apparently changing his mind. "You're different when you talk about that stuff, you know? All, like, glowy or bouncy or something. I think it's cool that you love something that much. I mean, I think feeling that way about musicals is completely strange, but I totally get it. That's how I feel about basketball. Other people don't really understand, do they?"

"No, they don't. But I'm used to it."

Chad shrugged. "Me, too. And 'dumb jock who never thinks about anything but basketball' isn't really a bad role to be put into, all things considered. But it's nice to know someone else who feels so strongly about something."

"What about Troy?"

"Troy stopped living for basketball a long time ago," Chad told him matter-of-factly. "I blamed it on Gabriella for a while, but the fact is he stopped getting really excited about playing long before they met."

"Sorry," Ryan offered awkwardly, not really sure what to say to that.

An idea popped into his head, and Ryan felt emboldened enough to give it a shot. If it backfired, well, they were nearing the Danforths' house, so at least he wouldn't be stuck trying to pretend it didn't bother him for long.

"You know, one of the local theatre companies is doing that show right now. I'm going to see it next Sunday afternoon, and out of habit I bought two tickets. Sharpay doesn't want to go, and my mother's got a prior commitment, so the ticket's free, if you think you might be interested."

Surprisingly, Chad didn't dismiss the idea out of hand. "I don't know...."

"I could give the ticket to you at school Monday," Ryan offered, hoping he didn't sound too eager, "and that way you don't have to decide until the day of. It'd just go to waste anyway, so if you end up not using it, no big deal."

After a pause, Chad shrugged and said, "Why not? I'll think about it, anyway."

"Cool." He'd gotten the suggestion out there just in time; before he knew it they were pulling into Chad's driveway. The boys parted with a simple "goodnight", and now all that was left of Ryan's prom night was the drive home.

He probably shouldn't have been surprised to find his mother waiting up, but he was. "Hi, Mom," he greeted her, altering his course for the living room instead of the stairs and joining her on the couch.

"Good evening, Ducky. Have a nice night?"

"You know, I really did." He was pleased to be able to answer her truthfully.

"I'm glad. Surprised to see you home so soon, though."

"The guys didn't see much point in the traditional 'staying out all night' without girlfriends," Ryan explained. "So once the dance itself was winding down, we agreed to call it a night."

"That makes sense," his mother commented mildly.

"So...if you expected me to stay out, why are you waiting up?"

"Because I thought you might not, and would want to tell me about it."

Ryan grinned; she knew him so well. She set aside the book she'd been reading and gave him her full attention as he eagerly relayed the night's events. His mother honestly wanted to hear all the details, he knew, still happy for every sign that he'd finally found friends. He'd figured out years ago that she worried about him and Sharpay both, seeing right through their "we only need each other" act. It pleased him to have been able to relieve some of her concerns this past year.

Which was why he was careful not to talk disproportionately about Chad. Although he wouldn't be surprised to learn she'd guessed, Ryan had never actually told his mother about his feelings, knowing nothing would ever come of them. He'd long ago resigned himself to the fact that he'd probably be in college before he got his first boyfriend, given how few of the boys he'd liked so far were neither straight nor so far in the closet they couldn't even bring themselves to consider a secret relationship--but Ryan's acceptance of the situation didn't stop his mother's wanting more for him. He didn't see the point in worrying her with his hopeless crush, especially since everything else was going so well.

So he talked about the decorations and the music and the clothes and how often he'd danced and what he'd talked about when not dancing, and left out the ride home. Most of it was uneventful anyway, and his mother didn't seem to pick up on the omission. Eventually, however, the exhaustion caught up with him and, after the third or fourth attempt to smother a yawn, his mother smiled and sent him off to bed.

When Monday rolled around, Ryan found an unobtrusive moment in which to hand Chad the Falsettos ticket and directions to the theatre, but aside from that he'd resolved not to raise the subject at all. He didn't want to seem too eager or make Chad feel like he was being pressured to go. It wasn't like it was a date or anything; he'd simply presented the opportunity, and it was up to Chad whether or not to take advantage of it. As a friend. Really.

Naturally, the closer Sunday became, the more convinced Ryan was that he'd be seeing the show alone after all. And he was okay with that, he truly was--although ordinarily he went to the theatre with his sister, his mother, or both, this wouldn't be the first time scheduling conflicts had prevented them from accompanying him. He just really wanted to share something he loved with the person he credited with changing his life (Gabriella's role having been downgraded over the months; still acknowledged, but overshadowed by Ryan's obsession).

He was, therefore, pleasantly surprised to look up and see Chad somewhat awkwardly making his way down the row of seats. Once he was in conversational distance, Ryan smiled and said, "I honestly didn't expect to see you here."

Chad settled in his seat before replying. "Yeah, well, I didn't either. But I had nothing better to do, and an English paper due tomorrow, so I figured why not?"

Ryan laughed. "How long did it take you to decide this would be preferable to actually working on the paper?"

"About an hour," Chad said with a cheeky grin.

"I should probably be insulted, but I did say this was entirely up to you...so I guess it's my own fault."

"You got that right!"

Ryan bit back an impulse to stick out his tongue in reply, settling instead for a mock glare. Since the house lights started dimming at the same time, he settled back to watch the show satisfied he'd had the last "word" in their little dispute.

Although Ryan was determined not to spend the entire performance watching to see what Chad thought, he couldn't help glancing over now and then. To his relief, Chad soon seemed to get over his initial nonplussed reaction at the deliberately provocative opening number and relax, and before long Ryan heard him laughing at nearly all the right parts. Considering that Chad actually returned from his trip to the restroom at intermission, Ryan figured he must still consider the show better than homework, which was really all he could ask.

The second act being Ryan's favourite, after intermission he stopped worrying so much about whether Chad was having a good time and let himself get swept up in the music and story. As always, the ending hit him hard, but he'd mostly recovered by the time curtain calls were through and he turned back to Chad once they'd made their way up the aisle and out of the theatre.

"Well?" he asked simply.

Chad thought for a moment. "It was fun. Not what I expected, and kinda weird at times--"

"True," Ryan agreed.

"--but fun."

"Good, I'm glad you liked it." Ryan was at a loss for what to say after that. Ordinarily at this point he and his sister or mother would be dissecting the performance, sharing opinions about the cast, staging, design.... But clearly Chad wouldn't be interested in any of that. He probably would be willing to grab something to eat, since that would mean getting to continue postponing work on that paper, but Ryan was afraid that if he suggested it it would seem like he was trying to make this a date. And since Chad apparently hadn't thought of it on his own, when they reached his car he settled for a slightly awkward "see you tomorrow". For all that he considered Chad his best friend, they really hadn't spent all that much time hanging out away from school, just the two of them, and frankly Ryan was still a little unsure of the protocols.

Judging by Chad's friendly wave as Ryan put the car in gear, however, he must not have done anything too inappropriate, so all in all he had to consider it a good day. Chad hadn't even asked him to not to tell anyone he'd voluntarily seen a musical, which had to be a sign that he trusted Ryan. It was a nice feeling.

He didn't have long to bask in it, though. Between his teachers' dire warnings about colleges' withdrawing acceptance based on poor spring term grades--and having actually gotten in to CCM, there was no way Ryan was going to take that chance--and the baseball playoffs, some days it felt like he barely even had time to breathe. He was used to being busy, sure, but normally it was with dance and voice classes or rehearsals--things he was naturally good at. Schoolwork didn't qualify, and as for baseball...he might have a natural talent there, too, but the pressure of his teammates' expectations of him was hard to ignore. Luckily, the coach had a rule forbidding anyone from pitching two games in a row, so at least the responsibility wasn't entirely on Ryan's shoulders.

When he was playing, he now had not just friends but family in the stands cheering him on. His parents had attended what games they could throughout the season, but as far as he was aware this was the first time Sharpay had made the effort. He liked knowing she was there more than he would have expected to, and made a point to go over and talk to them all for a few minutes after each final inning as soon as he could get away from his teammates, before he greeted his other friends. He knew Shar would appreciate the thought that she took precedence, and he liked it when there was some little thing he could do that made her happy.

The Wildcats ended up not winning the championship, and part of Ryan felt guilty for being glad that he wasn't the one pitching the day they lost. He tried to consider it a moral victory that he even could feel guilty over something like that, but losing when they'd come so close and everyone said they had a real shot at the title was just too big a disappointment for that to be any comfort.

It did help--a little--that a few people said they never would have made it as far as they did without him, but knowing he wasn't blamed for their ultimate defeat still couldn't make up for not being able to say their team was the best. Ryan's natural competitiveness may have been, for the most part, better hidden than his sister's, but it was no less real. He'd very much wanted to win, and getting so close only to have it slip out of his grasp was extremely frustrating.

Before he even had a chance to get over the loss, final exams had come and gone and graduation was upon them. He and Sharpay were singing at the ceremony, of course, and he had a sneaking suspicion his teammates planned to do something to try and embarrass him while they were onstage (though, really, how they failed to realise that doing anything at all while they were performing was far more likely to make his sister furious at them, he couldn't figure out--Chad and Jason, at least, ought to know better). Afterwards he'd probably put in an appearance at somebody or other's graduation party.

Everyone else was looking forward to graduating, of course, but also dreading the inevitable separations. Ryan, on the other hand, felt a bit indifferent to it all. Sure, he'd be relieved to have high school behind him, and he was excited about starting CCM, but that wasn't until the fall. And like he'd told Chad after prom, while he'd miss having his new friends around, he'd never quite gotten used to having them, at least not to the extent where the idea of their not being there was unexpected. So much had happened this year that graduation itself was almost a letdown rather than the rite of passage it was supposed to be.

Which was why, when the time came, he went through the motions--the ceremony itself, the smiling for pictures, everything that was expected of him--but was most looking forward to it all being over. If he'd thought he could get away with it, if he hadn't known how much it would disappoint his parents, he would've skipped the whole thing; but he couldn't, and it would, so he played his part with reasonable goodwill, if not enthusiasm.

Later, he ended up at the baseball team captain's party, since that was where most of the people he knew were going, but he wasn't really in a party mood and before long ended up climbing the hill at the back of their yard. When he neared the top he turned and sat, watching the stars, watching the partiers. Thinking.

At some point he noticed a figure separating itself from the crowd below, wandering around for a bit before heading in his direction. As it drew closer, he recognised Chad and couldn't help smiling a greeting.

Rather than saying anything, Chad dropped down onto the ground next to him. Ryan sighed dramatically. "And thus endeth the dream."

"It doesn't have to. I mean, there's still the summer and everything. I know we're not, like, working at Lava Springs and stuff this time, but we can still all hang out."

"Sure we can. Around everybody's work schedules, and shopping and eventually packing for college, we'll have plenty of time to hang out."

"Okay, when you put it like that...." Chad's voice trailed off thoughtfully. "But we can make time, right? At least the core of the gang? And that includes you, by the way," he added, nudging Ryan's arm. "If we want to spend our last summer together, we'll find a way."

"Sure," Ryan agreed, more out of politeness than because he believed it would happen.

"Hey, if all else fails, I'll just make some mournful comment to Gabriella about not getting to see everybody anymore, and she'll go around smiling and encouraging everyone until we all give in and drop whatever else we're doing just to stop her before we go into sugar shock."

That got a genuine laugh out of him. He adored Gabriella, he really did, but sometimes her excessive niceness could be a bit much. He didn't hold it against her, though; after all, a lot of people said the same about him, except for the "nice" part. It certainly made a pleasant change from his sister's more...forceful brand of excess. Sort of the anti-Sharpay--they both got things done against people's will, but their methods couldn't be more different.

"Speaking of last summer and Gabriella, there's something I've always kind of wondered. Was I imagining it, or was Troy jealous of me?"

Chad snorted. "Yeah, he was. What can I say, I love the guy, but sometimes he's kind of an idiot."

"Clearly."

"But he got over it, you know," Chad assured him. "Learning you were the one who came up with that plan to get them back together helped. And then once he'd had time to recover from your sister he lightened up."

Ryan nodded; he understood all too well how being the focus of Sharpay's concentrated attention could mess with your mind.

After a while, Chad tentatively asked, "Hey, Evans? Can I ask you a personal question?"

"I guess."

"Do you like me?"

For an instant, Ryan froze, grateful the darkness hid the blush he knew must be spreading over his cheeks. Hoping Chad didn't notice his hesitation, he said as casually as he could, "Of course. I consider you my best friend."

"No, I meant--"

Ryan sighed. "I know what you meant."

"Well?"

He didn't answer at first, continuing to stare off into the night as he thought. He'd hoped to keep his feelings a secret so their friendship could remain intact, but high school was over and before too much longer their friendship would be, too, regardless of what he might say tonight. And Chad did ask--and refuse to take the easy out Ryan'd offered him.

What the hell.

"Yes," he admitted quietly at last.

"Oh." Silence fell once more as Chad digested that. "So...what now?"

"Why are you asking me? You're the one who wanted to know." Ryan was aware he sounded snippy, but really, what was Chad doing asking him something like that if he didn't want to hear the answer?

"Sorry."

Ryan took a deep breath, centering himself. Chad hadn't left, after all, or hit him or even just called him names; surely he deserved some patience on Ryan's part in return. He was just so tired.... "Look, it's no big deal. I know you're straight, and frankly I'll get over it, so I don't really see the point of this conversation."

"I'm sorry," Chad repeated, sounding sincere. "That I can't, you know."

"Don't worry about it. I really do consider you a friend, and okay, yeah, I'd like us to be more, but I know it's not going to happen and I'm okay with that. So if you could just forget you ever asked, I'd appreciate it."

"Right." The silence stretched awkwardly between them, as Ryan refused to continue that topic of conversation and Chad...thought about whatever Chad was thinking.

Eventually he leaned over to bump Ryan's shoulder with his. "At least you've got good taste."

Ryan snorted. "I used to think so, but now I'm starting to wonder about that," he joked back, relieved to be moving things back to something resembling their usual relationship.

Chad's answering laugh was only slightly strained. "You should come back to the party. People have been asking where you are."

"In a minute," he promised. Chad nodded in acknowledgement and made his way back down the hill.

Ryan watched him go, then broadened his focus to include the other kids milling about. He couldn't identify individuals at this distance, but he knew that down there, among the crowd, were several who would count him among their friends. He never in a million years would have imagined that would be the case, yet here he was. Looking back over the past year, he barely recognised it as his life.

As he rose and slowly headed back to the party, Ryan realised he wouldn't have it any other way.