I know they think me strange, that maybe I'm finally losing it. I know they all think my speech tonight was about New Caprica and it was. Just not they in the way they thought.
I said I let myself get to close to them and I did. Not just to them though.
I got too close to Laura. The President I remind myself, after all that’s what tonight was all about.
Our closeness created New Caprica.
I grew too close to her and cared too much about one individual instead of the whole she always sees. I grew close enough to know the woman behind the President, to know her truly as few others have. I knew the election would slowly eat at her and my close proximity assured me that it would slowly eat me too, having to watch her suffer.
So I suggested she call it off. I’m not as deluded as everyone thinks I am to assume that I forced her to make this decision but I know that she made it for the same reason I suggested it. She was too close to me and couldn’t bear to see me in pain. I know that that was the only reason, for she is willing to sacrifice herself for the fleet.
But not for me.
Part of me exults in this for I know that she knows, she really knows, the cost it would have on me. She would kill herself a thousand times over for the remnants of humanity but for me she sacrifice her duty, her promise to protect, all to make me feel less pain.
I feel humbled. I feel stupid, inadequate, the way I always do when I fall in love.
But the rest of me…
And so she conceded. Baltar won and continued to make humanity suffer.
That planet, as many now refer to it, almost destroyed those that lived there and those that had to abandon it. I look around and everywhere there is suffering. Everyone bears scars, not all of them obvious. I know Laura has closed herself off from her heart since that planet and the only reason I know this is because I’m still too close.
I got too close and Kara, Saul and the rest of the humanity suffers for it everyday.
This ends now.
At least, that is what I will keep telling myself.