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Damn You, Autocorrect!

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Emma: Hey
Regina: Yes?
Emma: I wanted to ask when I can pick up Henry tomorrow.
Regina: Perhaps you could collect him at four? He should be home from school then, and will have packed his vag.
Emma: I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have one of those.
Regina: One of what?
Emma: Read your last text to me.
Regina: Oh good God! Bag, I meant bag. Truly, how old are you?
Emma: Old enough to know what a ‘vag’ looks like.
Regina: Four PM. Don’t be late.
Emma: Got it. Good luck with that ‘vag’ ;-)
Regina: Bye, Emma.

---

Regina: Emma, I will be at the diner at 6 PM for dinner with Henry. You are welcome to join us if you would like to?
Emma: Sure! I’ll come fuck you once Henry’s done with his homework.
Emma: Dammit! Regina, I’m so sorry, I meant to write ‘I’ll come find you’, and this damn thing autocorrected. Seriously, don’t be mad. Please?
Regina: I’m not mad. I’m quite amused, to be honest. I’ll see you both at six.
Emma: Oh yes, laugh at my embarrassment!
Emma: Thanks, though
Emma: I’ll see you soon :-)

---

Emma: Henry left his sweater at my place; I’ll come drop it off tomorrow. I had a really good time at dinner tonight, by the way. Thanks for inviting me.
Regina: Thank you for letting me know; I thought we had left it at the diner. I enjoyed dinner as well, thank you for agreeing to stay.
Emma: :-)
Emma: Oh—Henry gave me a penis slip for you to sign for the field trip? I think officially only you can sign that? Although, what’s the status of those adoption papers now it sort of never happened, but then the curse got broken so that’s undone?
Regina: I’m quite sure you meant to write something else there?
Emma: God damn it! Yes! PERMISSION slip. I meant to write permission slip. I hate this phone.
Emma: Seriously, though, why are all of our latest autocorrect failures sexually tinted?
Regina: Our phones surely have a mind of their own ;-)
Regina: It’s quite alright, by the way, although I laughed so hard that Henry asked me what was wrong. I didn’t tell him.
Emma: Well, at least I can make you laugh. MM asked why I just choked on my coke. I showed her our conversation and she blushed harder than I did. You know, for someone who sleeps downstairs with her husband and has, you know, fun with him within earshot of me, she sure is a prude sometimes.
Regina:
Regina: I am not sure I needed to know that about Snow, to be honest. Making her uncomfortable is a plus, though.
Emma: Sorry *blush* and ha ha, laugh it up. At least you don’t have to hear it.
Regina: True. You have my sympathies.
Emma: Thank you.
Emma: :-)
Regina: Sign the permission slip yourself, I have no idea what the legal status of Henry’s adoption is (but I will find out in case of emergency, thank you for the reminder, Emma!) but you are his mother just as much as I am. You can give him permission; I am sure he would like a field trip.
Emma: Okay, thanks. I’ll sign it.
Emma: Seriously, thank you. It means a lot to, you know, share him with you.
Regina: You’re welcome. He’s a great kid and you took care of him very well in New York—as I knew you would.
Emma: *blushes*
Regina: :-) Sleep well, Emma.
Emma: You too
Regina: Bye.
Emma: Bye

---

Regina: Guess who got his ass pounded?
Regina: Pounded
Regina: POUNDED!
Regina: OH MY GOD! G R O U N D E D!
Regina: I hate this update!
Emma: Oh God, Regina! I’m in the grocery store and I just had to sit down against the fridges in the dairy isle because I was laughing so hard. I am saving this conversation forever.
Emma: What did Henry do? Because I am sure we are talking about him, right?
Regina: Emma, I am so sorry. Really. I am still figuring out the changes. Please delete this conversation. I’m mortified.
Regina: Yes, Henry is grounded until Friday. He and Gretel escaped my supervision while out shopping and went out for ice-cream. I’m sure he considered himself to be quite the man.
Regina: Also: I think he likes her. It’s cute. Not cute enough to get away with making me worry like that, but cute none the less.
Emma: Never gonna happen. I’m saving it. See?
Emma: [Screenshot]
Emma: Seriously?! I mean, that’s smooth as fuck, but that’s not okay. Okay, grounded it is. Thanks! Are you okay?
Regina: Yes, I am now. For a few minutes, though, I was beyond frantic.
Regina: You are insufferable.
Emma: Pretty much ;-)
Emma: …and I get that. Well, he’s okay, and maybe he has a girlfriend.
Emma: His first one.
Emma: :-)
Regina: I still remember when he was just a little baby, looking at me with those big eyes of his. How did he grow up so fast?
Emma: I ‘remember’ as well. I don’t know, but I’m happy to be there for it.
Emma: Well, except for the sneaking off-bit. I like Gretel, but there is a little bit too much Ava in that girl, still ;-)
Regina: Agreed. Well, I gave him quite the talking to, so hopefully that nonsense is done and over with. Oh—when does your shift at the station end? I’ll drop Henry off with you so he’s not out alone. I’m not sure I trust him to cycle over ;-)
Emma: Make it 5:15. Thanks.
Emma: Hey, I’ve been wondering… would you maybe like to do dinner again someday?
Regina: I would like that.
Regina: I have an idea, how about you stay for dinner on Friday after dropping off Henry? I can make you something nice to eat?
Emma: Sounds good! If it has cheese, I’m good.
Regina: Alright, I’ll think about it. I’ll see you tomorrow, and I look forward to Friday. Good luck with your groceries!
Emma: Thanks, everyone is still looking at me like I’m nuts.
Regina: Are you still seated on the floor?
Emma: Yes, I got comfortable.
Regina: Well, then I can see why they look at you funny. Get up, Miss Swan, you’re this town’s sheriff.
Emma: Yes, Madam Mayor. See you tomorrow :-)
Regina: Until then.
Regina: :-)

---

Emma: I’m home. Thank you for dinner and, you know, the good time.
Regina: Very welcome. I’m sorry about the broccoli. I’ll remember it’s not your favourite.
Emma: It’s fine, I enjoyed the quiche well enough :-)
Regina: Good. Okay, I’m going to take a flusher and go to bed. It’s been a while since I went to bed at 2 AM.
Regina: I mean shore.
Regina: Showee
Regina: I give up. I’m going to get clean and go to bed.
Regina: I want my old iOS back :-(
Emma: I woke up my parents. HA! I knew I should have driven on to the inn. Perfect end to this day, though. Enjoy your shower ;-)
Regina: Oh I will! You should try my personal shower one day, I promise you it’s better than the one your parents or the inn has ;-)
Regina: (Why didn’t it autocorrect now?)
Emma: It sounds like you would not have made it to the inn either ;-)
Emma: (I have no idea!)
Regina: I may be a little tipsy. The invitation stands, though. I don’t brag about my home often, but the shower is divine.
Emma: Well, if that’s true, I might take you up on the offer one day. Thanks!
Emma: Sleep well, Regina. I had fun.
Regina: Me too. Sleep well! Thank you for bringing wine.
Emma: Thank you for the scotch.
Emma: ;-)
Regina: :-*

---

Emma: Hey Regina, did I do something wrong...?
Regina: No? Why do you ask?
Emma: Okay, this might sound silly, but I sort of got used to talking to you at least for a while every day... and you've been very quiet. I mean... it's okay, but it sort of makes me wonder if I did something wrong on Friday.
Regina: You didn't.
Emma: Okay, then what?
Regina: Nothing.
Emma: Well, it seems I can tell when you are lying even when we're texting. Try again?
Regina: Fine.
Regina: I'm a little embarrassed.
Emma: About what?
Regina: About the texts I sent you.
Emma: Do you mean the auto corrects? Because I have made far worse. I'm *still* mortified for telling you I would 'come fuck you',
Regina: Not the autocorrects
Regina: And that one really was amusing! You should have seen my reaction.
Emma: Then what? The shower thing? Because I plan on taking you up on that offer, so you had better be serious about that.
Emma: Now I'm curious.
Regina: Yes, that, mostly.
Emma: Wow, short reply. Okay, I am going to go out on a limb here and say there is more going on here than a flirty shower invite.
Emma: Regina?
Emma: Regina?

---

Regina: I'm sorry.
Emma: Hey, there you are. Are you okay?
Regina: That is a complicated question to answer right now.
Emma: Would you maybe like to talk about it...?
Regina: It's late, I should let you sleep. I just wanted to apologise for disappearing.
Emma: I'm awake. No worries. I was watching OITNB.
Emma: What is there to be sorry about? You don't owe me conversation or anything. I mean, I really like talking to you, and I sort of missed talking to you over the past few days, bit it's not an obligation to do it.
Emma: **but, sorry.
Regina: Autocorrect?
Regina: Also: OITNB?
Emma: No, just me. Anyway, my previous text was only because I wanted to ask if I had done something wrong.
Emma: Orange Is The New Black. It's a Netflix series, really good. You would like Red.
Regina: Okay, thank you. I'll try it.
Regina: You have done nothing wrong. May I ask you a question?
Emma: Sure!
Regina: Why did you describe our texts as 'flirty'.
Emma: Well, they sort of are, aren't they?
Regina: And you are alright with that...?
Emma: Yes! It's been great to get to know you, and we've been talking and doing dinner... personally, I am not opposed to flirty at all.
Emma: Regina? Did I scare you off again?
Regina: Thank you for saying that, Emma. I have been enjoying our conversations very much, co-parenting Henry, having fun together... I have been looking forward to your texts, and I missed talking to you as well. I was rather impaired on Friday and waking up to find myself having texted you shower invites made me panic; I thought *I* had done something wrong and I didn't know how to fix it. It's not like I am on friendly texting terms with anyone else... and to be honest, there is no one else I would send a 'kiss'-emoticon to when under the influence. I felt I may have jeopardised the headway we had made and withdrew. I'm sorry.
Regina: No, sorry, I was typing a longer reply.
Emma: It didn't show you typing. Don't worry.
Emma: I'm sorry you freaked. I liked Friday's conversation very much, and I liked your 'kiss'... no need to be sorry about that.
Regina: Good! Thank you! I'm very relieved!
Emma: :-)
Regina: Would you be opposed to my saying that I rather meant that emoticon?
Emma: Huh?
Regina: I was thinking about kicking you when I sent it.
Regina: KISSING! Damn it.
Regina: Kissing. When I sent that emoticon, I was thinking about kissing you. I had been thinking about kissing you for a large portion of the evening... which was also part of my withdrawing from you. I'm sorry.
Emma: I like you wanting to kiss me a lot better than you wanting to kick me ;-) Why didn't you...?
Regina: Really?
Regina: Because I was scared. I didn't know how you would react, and I don't want to lose what we've built together—also for Henry's sake.
Emma: Are you scared now?
Regina: Yes, terrified.
Emma: Well, I thought about kissing you, too, on Friday. I didn't do it because I wasn't sure how you would react, and I'm not all too great with taking leaps like that.
Regina: I would have let you kiss me in a heartbeat.
Emma: Same.
Emma: So what do we do now?
Regina: Are you working tomorrow?
Emma: From four onwards.
Regina: Would you like to have lunch with me? Henry will be at school and we can talk.
Emma: Just talk? ;-)
Regina: I hope we do more than talk, truthfully.
Regina: I'm blushing so badly, and smiling... :-D
Emma: Me too! :-D Okay, lunch sounds good.
Emma: Now I can't stop thinking about kissing you. I'm never going to fall asleep.
Regina: Me either. Maybe I should try that show of yours.
Emma: Do it! You'll like it.
Regina: I'm sure I will. Good night, Emma!
Emma: Good night!
Regina: :-*
Emma: :-*

---

Emma: I can't function.
Regina: What's wrong?
Emma: I keep thinking about you is what’s wrong!
Emma: I should be doing the paperwork you keep making me do and instead, my mind keeps going back to kissing you...
Regina: I’m sorry, Miss Swan ;-)
Emma: I’m not! Damn… those were some of the best kisses I have ever had!
Regina: Me too… and I have been thinking about our date (?) since you left. Henry is suspicious. I burned dinner tonight, and that very rarely happens.
Emma: It was a date. Our third, I would say.
Regina: Third?
Emma: Dinner at the diner, Friday’s extended dinner, and then this lunch. Third date.
Regina: I like that reasoning :-) You behaved very well for a third date!
Emma: Hum, a missed opportunity, for sure! I guess I should make up for that next time, although I have no regrets about today. I can still feel you against me…
Regina: Me too…
Regina: Next time, yes. Perhaps we should have one more date alone before we include Henry again? I would like to have you to myself and maybe (in between other things) we could talk about how to handle telling him. I think we should tell him. Do you agree?
Emma: Yeah, I think that would be good. I don’t want to jizz this with big declarations and all, but… I really enjoy our time, and kissing you left me pretty much a puddle.
Regina: Oh my God! I’m laughing so hard!
Emma: What?
Emma: OH SHIT! Hahahaha! Well then, thank you, autocorrect. Seriously, this is getting ridiculous!
Regina: At least it’s not me this time!
Emma: True. Jinx, I meant jinx. Sorry XD
Regina: I understood, don’t worry. I agree… I would like this—us—to be a… more long-term thing?
Emma: Good :-D Me too.
Emma: So… another date? I don’t want to sound, you know, presumptuous, but maybe we could arrange a sleep-over with my parents for Henry soon? It would give us time…?
Regina: I like you presumptuous. Would you arrange the sleep-over?
Emma: Sure. When?
Regina: Truthfully, I would love to have you arrange it for tonight or even tomorrow, but I shall suffice with saying ‘soon’.
Regina: *blushes*
Emma: Mmmm… I like your enthusiasm ;-) I’m going to call MM right now. I’m a big fan of ‘soon’.
Emma: I called, they can take him tonight as well, but I said tomorrow so we won’t have to explain too much. So, tomorrow?
Regina: Yes, splendid! I’ll tell Henry! :-D
Emma: Okay, I am embarrassingly excited.
Regina: Me too, Emma. Me too. Now, get your work done and get home safely. I’m going to tell Henry.
Emma: I’ll try, but now I can only think about kissing you *again* instead of having kissed you.
Regina: I’ll be thinking about that too… ;-)
Emma: I like the way that wink sounds ;-)
Regina: Me too… :-* Go work, Emma. I still want that paperwork.
Emma: Sigh… okay, okay. We’ll talk soon :-*
Regina: Soon… :-*
Emma: :-*

---

Emma: I’m home, and you should be sleeping deeply by now. I just wanted to say that I’m happy with how we’re doing. I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye, but we’ve been working on it really hard and I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about getting together with you before. I was always attracted to you, you know that? Well, kissing you today—well, yesterday, technically—was really special. I mean, it was sexy and hot, and I can still hear you moan and feel your tongue against mine, and even thinking about that is making me shiver, but… I like how… natural it feels, and how thinking of you gives me butterflies. It’s been a long time since I felt this many of them, and I’m grateful. The last few weeks have been rough, and things are looking up now—largely because of you. So thank you. (I have checked this text three times for autocorrects, so there shouldn’t be any XD ) :-*

---

Regina: (Same! I think I have finally figured out this update!) Seeing as you went to bed two hours ago, you should still be asleep. I hope you turned your wifi off because I would hate to wake you, but I didn’t want to wait with replying. Thank you so much for leaving me such a sweet and heartfelt message to wake up to! I feel very much the same: butterflies, gratitude, and a positive outlook. I have a confession to make: when you came over yesterday, I wanted nothing more than to kiss you from the moment you came in. I made myself wait until after lunch, because I didn’t want to come across as too forward. It was worth the wait, but I sort of wish I hadn’t waited; that I had kissed you right away and let you take lunch with you when you left. I would have loved to have spent all of our time in your arms. You really are strong, you know that? It makes me feel safe. Secure. I woke up buzzing with excitement for tonight, and if you will excuse me for being forward now, I would very much like to make the most of our time together. I’ve been attracted to you for so long that I honestly don’t want to wait just so we can look at each other longingly over a glass of wine like Friday. About a more practical issue: would you like me to drop Henry off at your parents? When will you be here? :-*

---

Emma: Good morning (well, afternoon)! Mayor Mills! Did you just proposition me…? Because if you did, all I can say is that that sounds really, really, good. Honestly, I was dying to kiss you yesterday, from the moment you opened the door, but I didn’t want to overwhelm you or anything. How about we rectify that today?
Emma: And yes, drop him off. I’ll be at your place around six?
Regina: I would love to be overwhelmed by you…
Regina: Six. Four more hours. I can do that.
Emma: Sooooo… what would you like me to do to you once I get to your place, Regina?
Regina: I’m blushing so hard right now but… I would like you to kiss me as soon as you come in. I’d like you to vest me of my clothes and take me upstairs.
Regina: (oh god…)
Emma: Jesus, Regina. I went to take a shower and got back to that?! Wow! Well, I need a new shower, a COLD one. I’m suddenly not sure I can make it four hours. I would love to do that; push in and kiss you hard as you struggle to close the door, undo your blouse while pushing you back, leaving clothes on the stairs and the landing as I try to get you to bed as soon as possible…
Regina: God! Emma! I’m at work! I can’t be reading things like this and hope to be productive. I’m stupendously aroused right now and you aren’t even touching me; it’s just a text.
Regina:Just to check: are we moving too fast for you? We don’t have to do this on our fourth date.
Emma: We’re not moving too fast; not at all. I want you—I’ve wanted you for a long time—but it’s not just that, okay? Just so we’re clear, I have feelings for you that aren’t just sexual. I just need you to know that.
Regina: I feel the same… and I want you, too. So badly. I’m aching for you, and aching to touch you. It’s insane. You’re right; this has been long overdue.
Emma: Absolutely!
Emma: Okay, I’m going to get dressed and do the groceries I promised MM I would do before I can come over. I told her that we’re going to have dinner, by the way, and she smiled. I think she knows.
Regina: Well, that’s mortifying. I have to admit I’m flattered, though, that you didn’t make up an excuse about the nature of your evening.
Emma: Well, I didn’t exactly tell her I was hoping I would spent the night making you come… ;-)
Regina: Emma! My God… I think I really need you to get over earlier than six. I’m just going to go home because I’m getting nothing done. I’ll drop Henry off in half an hour or so, if I can pry him away from his Playstation and I don’t crash into a tree along the way because I keep thinking about you. I’ve said it before, and I will say it again: you are a menace to this town ;-)
Emma: …and you have always loved that about me ;-) I’m going to rush through those groceries and I’ll be at your place as soon as I can. I feel like such a teenager right now XD
Regina: I’ve never felt like this. I’m getting into the car. Get here soon, Emma… I want to feel you against me… naked… your hands, your mouth…
Emma: You
Emma: Are
Emma: Evil
Emma: I love it! I’ll be there as soon as I can :-*
Regina: :-* ;-)
Emma: Hey! Did you notice we didn’t have an autocorrect mishap?
Regina: Haha! I did! Maybe the curse has lifted! Now shut up and do those groceries, Savior. I’m feeling quite like a damsel in distress ;-) Come save me!

---

Regina: Is it too early to say that I miss spending the night with you?
Emma: You just miss that thing I can do with my tongue that made you scream.
Regina: Mmmm… I do, but not *just* that (although it’s very, very, good, and I need that again soon, please!). I miss having you here, talking to you, laughing with you. It’s very lonely here in bed.
Emma: Well… if we tell Henry soon, maybe I can sleep over more often…? I’m not exactly happy by my lonesome either.
Regina: How about dinner tomorrow? I don’t think it will be a big thing for him, but it would be good to have time to talk. If he reacts really well, perhaps you can stay over?
Emma: I like that idea. I’ll pack a few clothes just in case. I can’t believe I did the walk of shame this morning. MM didn’t say much about it, but she knows. We should have that talk soon, too.
Regina: I’m blushing like a fool. Alright, we should schedule that in soon. I’m not sure I will survive, but yes, her and David should know—officially, I mean.
Emma: So… that means we’re official, right? Like… together?
Regina: As far as I’m concerned, yes. I would really like to think so.
Emma: Good, me too.
Emma: [image]
Regina: Hahaha! That is a very wide smile, Miss Swan :-*
Regina: [image]
Emma: …and that is a very beautiful one <3
Regina: :-) You make me smile.
Emma: Now I really feel like a teenager in love.
Regina: Love, huh?
Emma: Maybe ;-)
Regina: Same here :-*
Regina: Okay, I should go to sleep. I have to get up in six hours. Tomorrow we’ll tell Henry, and hopefully, I can fall asleep with you right here.
Emma: Mmmm… yes, I’d like that. Tomorrow. Sleep well! :-*
Regina: You too :-*

---

Emma: Okay, so that went well, I think!
Regina: Are you actually texting me from the bathroom?
Emma: Well, Henry’s right there, so I couldn’t exactly pull you aside or anything. But it went well, right?
Regina: It did :-) I think he was a little shocked, but overall, very happy.
Emma: I agree. So… do you think I can stay over?
Regina: I think so, but let’s give him a little bit? We’ll talk.
Emma: Okay, coming back in.

---

Regina: I think you can stay over.
Emma: Hahaha! Look who’s texting from the bathroom now!
Emma: Yes! Okay, awesome!

---

Regina: Oh God, oh God, oh God!
Emma: What?! What’s wrong?!
Regina: I just ran into your mother at the grocery store!
Emma: Oh no! What happened? XD
Regina: She smiled at me, and then hugged me—in the middle of the bread aisle, I might add!—and told me she is very happy for us. I think we don’t need to tell them; they know. They know very, very, well and I wanted the ground to swallow me up on the spot.
Emma: Omfg, I’m laughing so hard. I can just picture it. Were there tears?
Regina: Very nearly. Hers. I just stood there like a statue.
Regina: She has invited me—and you and Henry, presumably—over for dinner tonight, and I accepted. So, I get to see you sooner than expected. Unfortunately, I will also have to endure David’s ‘Daddy David’-stare because I’m sexually engaged with his daughter.
Emma: Hahaha! Oh, this is going to be priceless! XD Don’t worry about it too much, okay? You guys have been making major strides for months now. They like you, and they are obviously fine with us being together.
Regina: Yes, I know. It’s just a little odd given our history. Well, it’ll be fine. I can endure.
Regina: Alright, I am going to try to shake off my panic attack and see if I can drive home before my ice-cream melts XD I’m telling you, I was not prepared for this.
Emma: *snort* I can imagine! Good luck, and I’ll see you tonight! :-*
Regina: Yes! That’s good! Until soon! :-) :-*

---

Emma: Why are *my parents* on *your* side? Why am *I* taking the brunt of the embarrassment here?
Regina: Is this ‘texting from the bathroom’-thing going to become a constant in our relationship, Miss Swan? ;-)
Regina: And I don’t know, but I’m just fine with it.
Emma: You are terrible. Stand up for me, will you? I need at least one person on my side in that room! XD
Regina: Will do, sweetheart.
Emma: Awwww…. <3
Regina: I’m blushing again… :-*

---
Emma: I’m home safe—well, at the inn.
Regina: I’m home as well.
Regina: I had fun tonight. I’m sorry you took the brunt of the teasing ;-)
Emma: Don’t worry, I survived :-P
Emma: Hey, Regina? I didn’t get to tell you with Henry there, but… I love you *blush*
Regina: I love you, too, Emma. It’s all moving so fast, but it somehow flows so naturally… I’m amazed and grateful, and yes, very much in love with you.
Emma: Same here.
Emma: So, I know we said I should sleep here tonight but… would you mind if I came over anyway…? I really want to be with you right now…
Regina: Come over, Emma. Please. You know how much I dislike sleeping without you now.
Emma: I’ll be right there
Emma: Regina? Maybe we should try to limit the nights apart…?
Regina: That sounds like a very good plan :-)
Regina: I’ll see you soon, sweetheart.
Emma: I love it when you call me that.
Emma: Okay. I’m on my way to you. Be there soon. Love you :-*
Regina: Love you! :-*

---

Emma: I’m on my way to you :-*
Regina: We’re waiting for you. Dinner is almost ready; no broccoli, I promise.
Emma: Awesome! I could get used to this!
Regina: Please do! :-*
Emma: I might :-)
Regina: Good, I’d like that :-)
Emma: Me too :-*

---

Emma: I’m on my way home :-*
Regina: Did your phone autocorrect?
Emma: No? I meant to say ‘home’ *blush*
Regina: Good, just checking :-)
Regina: I’ll see you soon… home :-*
Emma: Home :-)
Regina: Home :-*