Chapter by imaginarycircus
Steve is bleeding heavily from his thigh and Danny can feel the panic bubbling up in his throat. He is kneeling over Steve. Get a grip. You're a cop. You've had first aid training, he thinks.
"Danno? Is it that bad? You can't even look at me?" Steve says between gasps.
"Why did you have to go after Wo Fat on your own? I thought we were partners. You idiot." Danny strips off his tie and his button down shirt and uses the shirt to apply pressure to Steve's leg wound. In seconds the shirt is soaked with blood and almost too slippery to hold. He's going to have to do something drastic if he wants to keep Steve alive, which he does because he cannot imagine life without him.
"Nice bed side manner, doc." Steve smirks and Danny wants to hit him and hold him close at the same time. But they don't do that sort of thing with each other. It's just that Steve looks human for once all covered in blood, gray faced and sweating buckets. His breathing is ragged and Danny's heart hitches in rhythm. Steve is not going to die out here in the middle of the goddamned jungle. Not today. Not for a long time, if Danny can help it.
"Applying pressure is useless," Danny holds up his tie and Steve nods. Danny cuts a stick to the right length and fastens the tie around Steve's thigh above the gash and twists the stick until the bleeding slows to a trickle.
"Not tight enough, Danny." Steve can't prop himself up to look, though he tries to.
"Brace yourself." Danny twists the tie two more times and that's as tight as it will go. He cuts one of the sleeves off his ruined shirt and ties the stick into place. He's pretty sure that Steve's femur is broken in addition to his femoral artery being cut. And Danny knows that if someone doesn't find them soon Steve is going to die. He's built a fire and it's nice and smoky. He wishes he had a flare gun, but he doesn't. He has enough water for one person for a single day. He can do without. Steve cannot.
Steve grabs his hands, which are sticky with drying blood. Steve's blood. Blood, Danny very much wishes he could put back into Steve.
"They'll find us, I know Chin and Kono won't give up on us." Steve closes his eyes and Danny's heart nearly bursts.
"Steve! Come on, man. Don't you--"
Steve opens his eyes in alarm. Those eyes. Danny's never noticed how dark blue they are, like the ocean back home on a sunny day. No, that's a lie. He's noticed. He's noticed a little too much.
"Don't do that!" Danny says. "So--Wo Fat?"
"Taken care of." Steve goes dead eyed for a second and Danny knows he took no pleasure in revenge.
"Did he have any friends with him?" Danny asked.
Steve shrugs and says, "Is there some kind of pain killer in the first aid kit?"
"No," Danny says.
"In the sole of my boot. The right one." Steve makes a feeble move to sit up.
"You have pain killers in a secret compartment in your boot?" Danny shakes his head. Why is he even surprised? "You don't happen to have a helicopter in your back pocket or anything?"
"Would you just-" Steve gasps and Danny examines the sole of Steve's right boot with fumbling fingers. There is a small piece of rubber sticking out of the heel.
"Push the yellow oval and pull the tab," Steve says.
Danny finds a small syringe already full in the secret compartment. He knows Steve is in way more pain than he is letting on, but who knows how long they'll be stuck out here. Danny has already considered trying to carry Steve out, but the man has at least fifty pounds on him. And he doesn't have a clue which direction to go in.
"I'm only going to give you half of what's in here, OK?" Danny says and Steve nods. He takes the cap off the needle and it slides easily into Steve's bicep. Danny pushes the plunger to the halfway point and before he has the cap back on the syringe, Steve's face relaxes and his eyes look unfocussed.
There's a Mylar blanket in the first aid kit. Danny settles himself with his back against a sturdy tree with smooth bark. It's getting dark and they need to conserve body heat. Danny pulls Steve a few inches settles his head in his own lap and spreads the Mylar blanket over as much of Steve as possible. He prays that they are found soon, because the longer Steve wears that tourniquet the more likely he'll need to have his leg amputated. Danny can't imagine Steve hobbled like that. Though he knows Steve would get some bionic leg and start running marathons or something crazy.
"Danny?" Steve's voice is soft now; the medication has taken full affect.
"Do you like me?"
"What kind of question is that? We're partners." Danny scratches his chin. He probably should have shaved this morning. The panic is back. What if they aren't found? He can't die out here and leave Grace with no Danno.
"No, I mean it. I don't think you like me. I like you." Steve is slurring his words slightly now.
"You goofball. Of course I like you. How can I not like you? You're amazing and I'd trust you with my life. Hell, I'd trust you with Grace's life."
"Really?" Steve says trying to look up at Danny's face.
Danny bends forwards and is about to say really, when he finds it suddenly very hard to breathe. He almost closes the few inches between them, but not here. Not like this and certainly not with Steve looped on painkillers. He leans back and says, "Really."
Steve reaches up and pats Danny's cheek. "I like your face, Danno. Especially when you're irritated with me and your nose crinkles up. Now you tell me something you like about me."
"What?" Danny feels like Steve is reading his mind and maybe teasing him.
"I told you I like your face. Now tell me what you like about me," Steve repeats slowly and then looks expectantly at Danny.
"Um, you have really nice arms..."
"See. Was that so hard? And thank you." Steve closes his eyes and says, "I'm tired."
Danny spends the night watching Steve, making sure the tourniquet stays on and that he keeps breathing. His eyes are gritty with fatigue. He hasn't heard any search planes or helicopters in the air. Maybe they're waiting for morning? The fire is burning low and Danny needs to keep it going if they have a hope of being found. Steve should also have some water and if possible some food. He looks so peaceful now with his wounded leg covered up and his head in Danny's lap.
Danny shakes him very gently by the shoulder and he finds he likes touching Steve, likes the solidness of him. He keeps his hand there even though Steve has opened his heavy eyes. Danny has a flash of waking up in the morning and seeing those heavy lidded eyes first thing and he blushes like a twelve year old.
"I need to build up our fire and you really should have some water. Do you think you can eat something?"
Steve nods and yawns. Danny extricates himself out from under Steve and slowly builds up the fire, being careful not to smother it. Everything is so damp here that the fire is very smoky, which is great for signaling, "Here we are!" If Wo Fat's men are looking for them they will find them easily. Danny has his gun and two spare clips of ammunition, but that's nothing against automatic rifles. There is nowhere to take cover.
"Do you hear that?" Steve props himself up on one elbow.
"Seriously? What are you? Part bat?" Danny listens, but only hears the wind rustling in the endless green canopy of trees and vines. And then after another minute he hears it. A helicopter. It's the HPD copter and it flies directly over the opening in the trees where they are stranded. Danny can hear it turn and circle back.
"YES!" He turns to tell Steve, but he sees there is a hulk of a man, one of Wo Fat's men, standing over Steve with an automatic rifle pointed at Steve's head. Danny pulls his gun and fires three rounds into the man's arm and head. The man falls onto Steve who screams and tries to push him off his injured leg.
Danny pulls the giant off of Steve and sees that his leg has started bleeding again. He fumbles with the tourniquet and just has it tight enough when the copter comes in for a landing. Danny shields Steve's leg with the Mylar and his own body to keep things from blowing into Steve's leg wound.
Kono is out of the helicopter before it's completely landed.
"Hey, brah. Nice night for camping, huh?" She grins, but Danny can tell she is whistling in the dark. "How bad?"
"Bad," Danny says. "I had to make a tourniquet."
She hands him some water and pats him on the back. Chin carries over a stretcher and they all lift Steve onto it, trying to move his leg as little as possible.
The pilot radios the hospital that they're coming and Danny does not leave Steve's side. Steve reaches out and grabs Danny's hand and holds it.
"Can we never do this again, Steven?" Danny smirks and Steve smirks back.
"What? You don't like spending the night with me?" Steve pouts.
Kono looks from Danny to Steve and back and smiles questioningly.
Danny stage whispers, "Pain killers." Not because he's ashamed of the possibility of something between him and Steve, but because he isn't sure if Steve is just teasing him, or means what he's saying.
They land on the roof of the hospital and Steve is whisked away by doctors and nurses. Danny is checked over and released. Kono drags him to the cafeteria where she makes him eat and drink lots of water. She keeps checking her phone.
"Chin will let us know the second he hears anything," she says.
Danny drops his head into his hands. "If he loses his leg..."
"If you hadn't used the tourniquet he'd be dead, Danny. Whatever happens--you saved his life."
Danny looks up at her and nods. When he'd first met Kono he'd had a bit of a crush on her, but that seems almost comical now compared to whatever this is that he feels for Steve.
"I gotta ask. Was he flirting with you?" Kono smiles.
"It was the pain meds," Danny says, though he's not sure that's the truth. He's scared that it was just the meds and scared that it might not have been.
"Yeah, OK." Kono is clearly not convinced. "Well, I think you make a cute couple."
Danny does not take her bait. He looks down at himself. He is sitting in a civilized place in his undershirt, covered in blood. His arms are covered in Steve's blood.
"Yeah, you look like a mass murderer," Kono says.
"Can you drive me home so I can shower and change?" Danny says.
Kono sits on the edge of Danny's bed and waits for him to change. Just as Danny is coming out of the bathroom in a clean shirt and tie, her phone rings. She listens, nodding and then says, "OK."
"He's out of surgery. They were able to save his leg. We can see him in a few hours."
A few hours seems like a ridiculously long time to wait. Danny covers his face with his hands and smoothes them back over his hair. He knows Kono can see that his eyes are glassy, but hers are too.
"You too?" she says.
No point in lying, he thinks. He nods. This is a funny thing to have in common with her. They drive back to the hospital and wait until they can go in and see him. Danny knows that he and Kono will never speak of their feelings for Steve openly again.
They sit and tap their feet and pace back and forth until Chin comes looking for them and says, "Danny, he wants to see you."
He exchanges a look with Kono. She smiles, but her eyes water up again. And who knows? Maybe she has a better shot with him than Danny does. Of course she does. Danny doesn't know what he's been thinking or why he even dared hope.
Steve is pale and groggy, but clean. He is hooked up to several machines and has an oxygen canula in his nose. He has a few days stubble, which Danny prefers and can almost imagine the rasp of it against the palm of his hand, or it catching on his own stubble, which he reaches up and scratches for something to do.
"I'm right here." Danny stands at the side of the hospital bed and grips the handrails. "I'm glad to see you awake, man."
"I'm only here because of you. I will never forget that." Steve closes his eyes. Danny can't help himself. He leans forward and kisses Steve on the forehead. Steve's eyes flicker open.
"Did you just kiss me?"
"No," Danny says, which is just stupid because they both know he did.
Steve looks at him for a moment and then smiles. "You missed," he says.
"No," Danny says. "I didn't. Get well first."
"I will," Steve said. "And then..."
"I won't miss," he says.
Steve squeezes his hand and smiles, not a smirk, but a real smile and it's the sweetest thing Danny has ever seen, besides one of Grace's smiles.
Danny turns and waves Kono and Chin into the room. She raises both her eyebrows at him and he nods once. She smiles to say she is happy for them, though he can see it hurts her too. Danny can hardly believe there is anything to be happy about. This could still be Steve loopy on painkillers. He decides not to let himself really believe until Steve is walking again and sober, but he hopes with every cell in his body that Steve means it.
Chapter 2: Healing
Chapter by imaginarycircus
Steve is healing from his injuries, but his relationship with Danny is a mess.
Steve is a rock star when it comes to physical therapy. He isn’t allowed to drive yet and that makes him a cranky back seat driver.
“Danny, turn left there. Left! You’re going to run into traffic this way. There’s construction on—“
“Steven, do I criticize your driving?” Danny says.
“Yes. Yes, you do. Quite a lot.” Steve crosses his arms and shifts in the passenger seat. Danny can tell he is relieved to finally have the cast off his leg, but he still has quite a bit of healing left to do from the machete wound he sustained while trying to capture Wo Fat half way up a mountain.
“That’s because you drive like a maniac,” Danny says and that silences Steve until he pulls the car into a parking spot outside the clinic. He walks around the car to help Steve out and hand him his cane. As he helps Steve to his feet, their eyes meet. Steve’s are a strange green gray today. A current of something passes between them and Danny drops Steve’s arm and moves away. When he glances back Steve is doing that looking down his nose thing that Danny hates.
“I’ll be here when you’re ready to go,” Danny says.
Steve furrows his brow, but nods and walks into the clinic. The cane and his injury syncopate Steve’s normal easy gait, but that just makes it easier for Danny to look away—to not ogle the roll of Steve’s hips as he walks. Thinking about Steve’s hips is dangerous and Danny looks up at the blue sky and the palm trees and curses Hawaii for being so damn beautiful.
They haven’t talked about the kiss or anything since Steve has gotten out of the hospital and Danny is certain Steve either doesn’t remember, or wants to pretend it didn’t happen. It stings, but it’s all for the best. HPD policy forbids co-workers from having relationships and even though the 5-O task force is technically not part of HPD, Danny still feels obligated to abide by the rules. So it is all for the best, he tells himself over and over.
Danny brought paperwork to occupy himself while Steve is in his session. He spreads it out on a picnic table and becomes so engrossed he doesn’t hear the thump of Steve’s cane until Steve casts a long shadow across his papers.
Danny starts to pack up, but Steve sits down across from him, straddling the bench because it is still beyond him to sling his injured leg over the seat.
“We need to talk,” he says.
“Nothing good ever comes after that phrase,” Danny says.
“When I was in the hospital you kissed me,” Steve keeps his eyes trained on Danny’s face.
“On the forehead,” Danny says.
“But you said when I was better you wouldn’t miss,” Steve eyes flick down to Danny’s mouth and linger there.
“I know.” Danny puts his hands in his lap because they are shaking. It’s those damn eyes of his and the way he’s staring at Danny’s mouth is practically obscene. “But…”
“Are you scared? It’s OK. I’m scared too,” Steve says and reaches one of his hands across Danny’s paperwork.
“It’s not that.” Danny keeps his hands in his lap. But maybe it is. He’s never been in a relationship with a guy before and who is he kidding? That is a little scary. Truth be told, Steve is what scares him. He is a force of nature and there’d be no half way with him. Danny isn’t sure enough about his feelings to commit, isn’t sure he wants to risk his career either.
“What is it then?” Steve gazes steadily across the table.
“I don’t want to mess with our partnership,” Danny says.
“That’s crap,” Steve says, but his phone rings and when he takes it out of his pocket Danny can see it’s the governor calling.
He listens for several minutes and then says, “I understand. We’re on our way.” Steve stands up and heads for the car.
Danny grabs his paperwork and follows. He almost laughs when Steve goes automatically to the driver’s side of the car. He won’t be able to drive for at least six more weeks.
“Don’t laugh!” He points at Danny and walks around to the passenger side.
“Not laughing,” Danny says and keeps his expression carefully neutral. He gets into the car and asks, ”Where are we headed?”
“The marina over in Waikiki. Someone’s holding a family hostage. The Governor wants me to negotiate with the gunman.”
“You? She wants you to reason with someone holding a gun?” Danny turns on the lights and sirens and speeds up the highway.
“Why is that a surprise? I’m trained in hostage negotiations and rescue.”
“Yeah, but you’re technically still on sick leave and you aren’t exactly able to sneak up on people and go all SEAL on them.” Danny actually prefers Steve injured, because he is marginally less likely to get himself shot.
Steve is able to slip into his bulletproof vest by leaning against the trunk of Danny’s car. He looks grim and Danny figures all this extra standing and walking is too much for him, but he knows better than to tell Steve to take it easy. He’d just push himself harder and end up aggravating his injury. Maybe it is better—Danny thinks—not to get into an emotional relationship with someone like Steve. Deeper into a relationship, he concedes to himself, because he already cares about Steve way too much.
Kono and Chin are already set up at the marina and HPD has a SWAT team in place. Steve immediately takes command and no one looks twice at his cane. Steve is even-tempered on the phone with the gunman. He says all the right things, until he volunteers to go on the boat to talk face-to-face with the guy. Danny’s heart crushes as he watches Steve take off his vest.
He trots alongside Steve as he makes his way down the dock to the slip. Steve hands Danny his gun.
“Are you insane? No, don’t answer that. I know you are. Please. Don’t get yourself killed.”
“Why? Would you miss me?” Steve smiles and climbs nimbly onto the boat, or as nimbly as one can with a cane.
Danny goes back to Chin and Kono and bites his bottom lip so hard he draws blood. Kono pats him on the back. Danny decides he is going to kill Steve when he gets back and a very tense hour later, Steve emerges limping and leading the gunman off the boat. Once the gunman is in HPD custody the family disembarks, white faced and shaking. The mom throws her arms around Steve and he pats her back awkwardly.
Danny drives him home and helps him inside, trying not to breathe too deeply, trying not to appreciate the way Steve smells like soap, and musk, and ocean water.
“Why are you giving me the silent treatment?” Steve says as he pops a pain killer, leaning against the kitchen counter.
“You asked me if I was scared before. And my answer is yes! Yes. I am scared. Every time you do something crazy I worry about you. You’re going to get yourself killed and I don’t think I can take it. I can be your partner, but that’s it. That’s all I can handle.” Danny waves his hands like an umpire calling a runner safe.
Steve hobbles forward so that he is closer to Danny. He leans down without breaking eye contact and is about to kiss him, but Danny jumps away.
“No,” he says, “it’s against HPD rules to have a relationship with a co-worker.”
“But you want to?” Steve cocks his head.
“It doesn’t matter what I want, because this,” Danny waves his hand between them, “this, can’t happen.”
“It matters to me,” Steve says.
“You need to get off your feet. You look like shit.” And it’s true. His normally tan face is gray and drawn.
“I’ll go put my feet up, if you stay and have a beer,” Steve says.
Danny pulls a beer from the fridge and opens it. Steve nods and limps into the living room, where he swings his legs up onto the sofa. Danny rolls his eyes.
“You’ve been trained in crazy wilderness medicine, but you don’t know how to elevate an injury.” He trots upstairs and grabs a pillow from Steve’s bed, resisting the urge to smell it, and tucks it under Steve’s thigh.
“Thanks,” Steve says and closes his eyes. The pain killers are kicking in and Danny tries not to stare at Steve’s face, but he is just so pretty. Danny hadn’t realized that men could be pretty before he’d known Steve. He’d known men who were hot, and Steve is that too, but those lashes—they are so pretty.
“Are you going to sit down?” Steve doesn’t open his eyes as he speaks.
Danny sits down at Steve’s feet and takes a swig of his beer. A little bit of tension eases out of his body.
“Are you going to take your boots off?” Danny looks at Steve’s enormous clodhoppers, at least that’s what his mother would have called them. He tries not to think about what other parts of Steve might be enormous, especially while thinking about his mother.
“You do it,” Steve says.
Danny sighs, but reaches over and unlaces each boot and eases them off, being careful not to jostle Steve’s injured leg. Steve still has his eyes closed, but he looks comfortable now, peaceful, and that does something funny to Danny’s heartbeat.
“Are you in pain?” he asks.
Danny peels off Steve’s socks and is a little surprised that Steve even has nice feet. They are mildly callused, but over all soft and trim. Danny sits cross-legged facing Steve’s feet and starts to gently massage his left foot. When he begins to work out the tension just under the ball of his foot, Steve lets out a moan that makes Danny freeze. He then makes it worse by saying in a breathy voice, “That feels so good, Danny. Don’t stop.”
Danny doesn’t want to stop touching Steve, even if he is only touching his feet. He finishes the left foot and moves on to the right one.
“Tell me something,” Danny says.
“You haven’t said anything about Wo Fat at all since the accident and I just wonder how you’re doing with all that?”
Steve opens his eyes and they are full of anguish. “Danny, I don’t want to talk about it.”
Danny nods. “OK, I can understand that, but this thing that may or may not be happening between us? Can’t go anywhere if you won’t talk to me about important things. Unless…”
“Unless what?” Steve is propping himself up on his elbows so that he can look at Danny.
“Unless you’re just trying to get me into bed.” Danny crosses his arms.
“Would that be so bad?” Steve grins wolfishly.
“Fuck you, McGarrett.” Danny kicks over his beer bottle and storms out. He should have known, he thinks, should have known that McGarrett wasn’t to be trusted with anything deep and emotional and real. Danny is embarrassed at how much he let the other man see, that he let him see that he cares as much as he does.
Chapter 3: Trust
Chapter by imaginarycircus
Danny talks Kono into driving Steve to physical therapy so he doesn’t have to see him, or deal with him, or feel his fingers still twitch as if he wants to touch him—which the man clearly doesn’t deserve.
“Sure,” she says, “but why? Did you have a fight?”
“I would just appreciate it if you would drive him,” is all Danny will say. He knows he could confide in Kono, but that doesn’t seem fair because she probably still has a thing for Commander Obtuse. Danny worries he might be overreacting a little bit, but Steve should know by now that he is not a casual guy, know he doesn’t just roll into bed with just anyone. Of course, thinking about rolling into bed with Steve leaves Danny shifting uncomfortably in his desk chair and willing his erection to calm down.
Danny prays they get a case, something to keep him busy, but they don’t and he spends the afternoon doing paperwork. Steve comes into the office and stands in his doorway silently for several minutes. Danny refuses to even look at him and Steve shuffles off. When Danny emerges from his office later, Kono gives him a look, and says she took Steve home.
“Don’t look at me like that,” Danny says. “You don’t know—“
“That he’s scared? That he knows how to disarm most explosive devices, but he doesn’t know how to have a relationship? That he’s still hurting from his father’s murder? That he hasn’t even begun to deal with killing Wo Fat and what that means regarding his mother’s murder?”
Danny feels awful and she’s right. Steve is an ass because he doesn’t know what he’s doing. Emotionally he is probably like sixteen years old.
“Well, what am I supposed to do?” Danny throws his arms up.
“That depends on how you feel,” Kono says softly, but Danny can hear the accusation in her tone, that she thinks he is deserting Steve, who already has a grade A abandonment complex.
“That’s my problem. I don’t know how I feel. I don’t know if I can handle all his baggage, especially on top of my own.”
Kono shrugs and Danny thinks he’s said too much. Kono just has a way of opening him up like an oyster and exposing all his soft spots.
Danny leaves the office early and drives over to Steve’s house. His palms are slippery on the steering wheel and he knows it’s more than the constant warmth and humidity making him sweat. He is prepared to tell Steve that he feels something, he just doesn’t know what yet and that they can take it slow and he understands that Steve is emotionally stunted, though he won’t say it like that. He rehearses the words in his mind once, twice. Steve might want something more casual than that and Danny doesn’t know, maybe that would be OK as long as they understand one another.
His gut twists, but he gets out of the car and marches up to the door and knocks. There is no answer. He tries the door handle and it’s unlocked so he cracks the door and says, “Hello? Steve?”
He is greeted by silence and figures Steve is asleep. He closes the door quietly and takes off his shoes by the door. Steve is not in the living room, but Danny knows he sometimes naps in his bedroom upstairs, or has since he was able to start navigating the stairs, which is still a slow process for him.
Danny goes upstairs and peers into Steve’s room and his heart drops through his feet because Steve is asleep, but next to him in bed is a woman with long brown hair and she’s naked and she’s gorgeous. There’s a woman’s dress uniform tossed on the floor.
Danny is rooted to the spot in the hallway and instead of quietly creeping back down the stairs and pretending he is not hurt and jealous and insulted and about fifty other things he marches into the bedroom and nudges Steve awake.
“Danny? What are you doing here?” Steve looks over at the woman, who is still sleeping.
“Can we talk? Downstairs?” Danny can barely get the words out through his clenched teeth.
“Now?” Steve sits at the edge of the bed. He is naked and Danny’s eyes are drawn to the livid red scar on his thigh. It’s going to be hard for Steve to make it down the stairs and then back up again, but Danny finds he doesn’t care very much.
“Never mind,” Danny says and hurries back downstairs. He was a fool to think that Steve could offer him anything more than a fling and Danny is not a fling kind of a guy, well, not in this case. The sight of Steve naked and still half asleep distills all Danny’s uncertainties. He knows, now, how he feels about Steve and he is pretty sure Steve will never be able to return the feeling.
He walks to his car, but he is too upset to drive and he stands with his head in his hands and wonders what just happened.
“Danny?” Steve is standing in his doorway in a pair of shorts and he is gripping the doorframe tightly. He doesn’t have his cane and he’s going to hurt himself. “Please come back inside?”
Against his better judgment Danny goes inside because he is drawn to Steve like the moon to the earth.
“Do you want a beer?” Steve says, he seems anxious and Danny wonders if it’s just his leg bothering him, or if Steve really cares, or is just embarrassed. Steve eases himself into a chair at the kitchen table.
“Do you have anything stronger?” Danny says.
Steve points to the cabinet above the refrigerator. There is a bottle of tequila and a bottle of Talisker and Danny wonders if the single malt belonged to Steve’s father? It’s dusty. Danny pours himself a glass and drops two ice cubes into it.
“So?” Danny says when Steve doesn’t start the conversation.
“Yeah, I don’t know what to say. What do you want me to say, Danny?”
The scotch is burning a trail into Danny’s gut and the fire of it spurs him on. “Oh, I don’t know. You could say you’re sorry.”
“For what?” Steve is genuinely puzzled and Danny wants to punch him, or shake some sense into him.
“For what?” Danny echoes and drinks down the last of his scotch letting the ice cubes click against his teeth and all the things he’s been not saying make a run for it. “Maybe for running off on your own and almost dying on me? For leading me on? For pretending you care about me when all you wanted was to get laid? For not giving a rats ass about how I feel and doing whatever you did with Lieutenant Naked up there?”
“You said there was no way that you and I was going to happen. You said it was against the rules.” Steve rubs his face with his hands.
“And it took you five minutes to hook up with someone else?” Danny knows he is being irrational and jealous, but he doesn’t care.
“Catherine and I have been doing this for years,” Steve says. “I don’t know what you want from me, Danny. You’re sending me mixed messages.”
“Oh, I’m sending mixed messages? Who’s the one who flirted with me and then said he was just trying to get me into bed?”
“I don't see how that is a mixed message.” Steve scratches his head and Danny resents that even in this moment when he is so angry, he is still extremely attracted to Steve. Danny half wishes he’d just gone along with that program and rolled into bed with him. Then he would have been the one up in Steve’s bed naked and maybe that’s what’s really galling him. That he lost his chance.
“Maybe what I want from you isn’t something you can give me,” Danny says to his empty glass. Steve was clearly the one in the wrong when Danny woke up this morning, but now he isn’t so sure.
“That’s a cop out,” Steve says. “You haven’t even given me a chance yet.”
“Do you want a chance? A real chance, not just a roll in the hay.” Danny lifts his eyes and Steve is leaning across the table towards him with a hopeful look on his face and those damn eyes that always look like they are in love with everything, when they aren’t busying wanting to blow everything up, that is.
“Hello?” The woman is dressed now and drapes her coat on the back of the chair and looks uncertainly from Danny to Steve. Danny hadn’t heard her coming and wonders what she must make of the two of them sitting there and how much she overheard?
“Danny? This is Catherine.” Steve covers his mouth with his hand and looks back and forth between them as if he expects a fight to break out.
“I’ve heard a lot about you,” Catherine says.
“Wish I could say the same,” Danny didn’t mean that to sound so catty, but he’s at the end of his patience, which was almost nonexistent to begin with. And this woman has recently had her mouth and hands all over Steve and that’s just not OK with him.
“So—I need to get going,” Catherine says and clears her throat. “Nice to meet you,” she says to Danny and puts on her coat and from the way she is looking at Danny he knows that she knows and she feels sorry for him. Probably too much time spent with Mr. Wonderful. She hands Steve his cane and he walks her to the door where she kisses him on the cheek. Danny can see them in the reflection on the kitchen window.
Maybe he should feel ashamed that he has just pried a woman out of Steve’s bed and given him a sort of ultimatum. He’s doing all the things he would hate someone to do to him. All his actions reek of insecurity. He needs to get a grip and extend a little trust—and that is the problem. He never knows what Steve is going to do and how can you trust someone like that?
Steve sits back down and says, “Yes.”
“Yes, I want a chance. And I’m sorry I upset you. I didn’t see how things were with you,” Steve says and pours some more scotch into the melting ice and takes a swing out of Danny’s glass.
“What do you mean? How things are with me?”
“That you’re so far gone on me,” Steve says and grins. Smug bastard.
“Whereas your feelings for me are what? Lukewarm?” Danny snatches the glass of scotch back. He hates the way Steve is always able to turn his certainty around and hand it back as doubt.
“No, I wouldn’t say that.” Steve gives him a slow up and down look and Danny feels as if he has been stripped naked and dipped in very hot water.
“How would you describe your feelings, then?” Danny wonders if he is always going to have to pry everything out of him and if it’s going to just exhaust them both in the end.
“I don’t know, Danny. This part is hard for me,” Steve reaches for the glass, but lets his fingers brush against Danny’s and linger there.
“You wanted a chance,” Danny says, “here it is.”
“I’m much better at showing,” Steve traces a finger down Danny’s hand toward his wrist.
“You know that would be almost sweet if you hadn’t just had a woman in your bed.”
“Oh, right.” He has the decency to look sheepish.
“Jeez. How did you get a woman like that in your bed, if you can’t talk about any of this?” And Danny knows the answer—just look at him. All Steve has to do is smile give them that smoldering look, the one he is giving Danny right now.
“I should go,” Danny stands and calculates that he is steady enough to drive on the scotch he’s had.
“Will you have dinner with me? Tomorrow?” Steve leans on his cane and actually looks nervous, like Danny might say no.
“Yeah, OK.” Danny smiles and Steve grins hugely and they both stand there awkwardly.
“OK,” Danny says and he wants to walk over and grab him, but he makes himself walk to the door and is mostly glad there is no kiss goodbye. He needs there to be a little separation between himself and Catherine.
Danny calls Kono to tell her she doesn’t have to drive Steve to physical therapy in the morning and she is smug about it, or at least Danny thinks she’s being smug about it. They’re on the phone and he can’t see her expression, but he can practically hear the smugness. He doesn’t really understand how she can be so generous with him, considering how Danny had felt ready to toss Catherine to some sharks.
Even though he’d driven Steve to therapy and dropped him off a few hours ago, Danny feels like he’s never really seen Steve before when he opens the door. He’s wearing a blue dress shirt, open at the neck, and nice pants. Danny’s heart does a funny flip in his chest and he hands Steve the bottle of wine he brought somewhat abruptly.
“You look very nice,” he manages to say despite the lump in his throat.
“So do you. No tie.” Steve smiles his big warm smile and some of Danny’s nerves quiet down.
Steve turns out to be a decent cook and Danny asks him about that, and whether he learned in the service.
“Nope, just a matter of survival. My father didn’t have time and Mary was too little.” Steve pours them both more wine. They’ve been talking all evening, sharing stories, and occasionally debating the finer issues of some point, but it’s comfortable.
“Have you—you know, with a guy?” Danny asks, the wine loosening his tongue a bit. It’s a different drunk than beer drunk or scotch drunk.
“I was in the Navy. Don’t ask. Don’t tell.” Steve waggles his eyebrows and Danny laughs.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” he says.
“What about you?” Steve says—the challenge clear in his eyes.
“Twice,” Danny says and he has to fight not to laugh at Steve’s shock. “Once in college, and once after Rachel left me. Just one night stands.”
“I thought you didn’t do one night stands.” Steve frowns.
Danny drops his face into his hands.
“What?” Steve reaches over and pulls his hands down and holds them. Danny can feel he must be lobster red. “Not with me?”
Danny nods and repeats, “Not with you.”
“So what now?” Steve asks, still holding Danny’s hands on the table.
“Well, what would you do with a normal date?”
Steve laughs. “I don’t really do normal dates. I guess I’d have you half naked and we wouldn’t be talking so much. How do your dates go?”
Danny groans. “It’s been so long since I had a date, babe.”
“OK, well. I don’t want to rush you. We could go outside and look at the stars?”
“Sure, let me just clear the dishes.” Danny whisks them off the table and into the dishwasher before Steve even has time to object. He hands Steve his cane, takes his hand, and leads him out onto the lanai. The night air is pleasantly cool and Danny likes the smell of the ocean, even if it is the wrong ocean.
They sit in a chaise lounge that is double-wide and lie back. The stars are dazzling and the moon is peeking up above the edge of the water. Danny’s arm is pressed up against Steve’s and his leg is so close he can feel the other man’s warmth. He aches to turn his face and kiss him, but he also wants to savor this moment and the frisson of want that passes between them.
“Tell me about your first kiss,” Danny says.
Steve takes his hand again and squeezes it. “First real kiss? Tenth grade. Lydia Stanwick during the opening credits to some movie, which I can’t remember because we spent the rest of it making out. And she kissed me. I was shy.”
“You were shy? Why do I have trouble picturing that?”
“You don’t think I could’ve been shy?” Steve sounds stung.
“Yeah, I went through a growth spurt that year and my mom had died and I hadn’t started to be, you know, good at anything.”
“I can’t picture that,” Danny says softly and turns to see if Steve is having him on.
“Why not?” Steve looks hurt and Danny knows he is not kidding.
“Because you’re good at everything. Seriously, you’re like perfect. Crazy, but perfect.”
Danny smiles and instead of returning his smile with one of those heart wrenching grins, Steve brushes his lips against Danny’s, testing the water. Danny leans into the kiss and parts his lips, which is all the encouragement Steve needs. It’s impossible to say who starts in with the tongue, but they are soon tongue-tangled, hands in hair, Danny’s leg on Steve’s good one. They are breathing heavily, but not making any other sounds.
They are not letting their hands wander and Danny thinks Steve is mirroring him, not wanting to push Danny past any thresholds he doesn’t want to cross. He half wishes Steve would just push him down and manhandle him, take the decision out of his hands, but he knows Steve won’t.
Danny breaks the kiss and leans on Steve’s shoulder panting. Instinct tells him he should leave it at that for tonight. He should go home and jerk off, while imagining Steve’s mouth all over his naked body—and that thought alone nearly undoes him.
“I should probably call it a night,” Danny says into Steve’s shoulder.
“If you want,” Steve says softly, his voice heavy and slow. It’s clearly not what he wants.
“No, I want to take you upstairs and fuck you stupid, but I think it’s better to wait. This thing has to be about more than sex, you know?”
“I don’t, but I’m willing to take your word for it.”
Steve walks Danny to his car and presses him up against the door and kisses him hard, as if he is trying to break through Danny’s resistance with his lips and tongue and teeth. He presses his erection against Danny’s abdomen and his thigh against Danny’s and grinds himself slowly and rhythmically against him and just when Danny is about to crack and go back inside because he can’t take it anymore and he wants his clothes off and Steve’s clothes off and he wants to see all of him and touch and taste all of him—Steve pulls away and laughs a little when Danny groans.
“I’ll see you tomorrow?” he says.
“You better believe it,” Danny gets into his car and smacks his head against the steering wheel. His thoughts are so clouded by lust he has no idea why he thought it would be a good idea to wait, but that’s the reason—isn’t it? He starts the car and accidentally drives halfway to 5-O headquarters before turning around and going home.
He climbs into his dingy sofa bed naked and imagines what he would have done to Steve if he’d gone back inside with him and he comes longer and harder than he has in years. He wonders if Steve has done the same and falls asleep smiling and heavy limbed.
Chapter 4: Bed Rest
Steve reinjures his leg and Danny comes the rescue again.
Thanks to casness and piperki for the beta! <3's
Danny doesn’t hate the Hawaiian sunshine or its warmth this morning and drives to Steve’s house with the windows down, singing along to the radio the entire way. He even feels a surge of affection for the crunch of the shells under his tires in Steve’s driveway. He taps the horn and waits, but there is no sign of Steve. The song on the radio ends and Danny wonders if Steve overslept. If he has, the physical therapist is going to kick Steve’s ass.
Danny gets out of the car and knocks on the door. Given what he found last time he barged in, he’s wary as he cracks the door and yells, “Come on, McGarrett. You’re going to be late. Move your shapely ass.”
He thinks he hears Steve, possibly saying his name, but it’s faint. Danny rushes in and there is Steve sprawled on the floor. He can’t get up and the vein in his temple looks like it is about to burst—talk about aneurysm face.
“What happened?” Danny kneels down next to him, but is afraid to touch him, for fear of causing him more pain.
“Fell down the stairs.” Steve grinds the words out angry, frustrated, and in pain.
“OK, I gotcha. I’m here.” He pats Steve on the back and takes out his phone to call Steve’s doctor, when he sees the dark sticky splotch on Steve’s thigh. Instead he calls dispatch and has them send an ambulance, despite Steve’s weak protests. Danny makes him take a pain pill while they wait and he holds Steve’s hands and kisses Steve on the forehead. He realizes he is soothing Steve exactly the way he’d soothe Grace and that makes his heart turn over in his chest.
“You missed again,” Steve says and tilts his face up to Danny. The vein in his temple is calming down and smoothing out.
“Do you really think this is the right time to start making out?”
“It’d distract me…” he starts to say, but the paramedics, Joey and Sarah, come storming through the door Danny left open. They know Steve and Danny well enough now. Joey cuts off Steve’s cargo pants and Steve’s injured leg looks a bit thinner and weaker than his good leg. There is a smear of blood and the incision, which had started to look like a closed scar, has popped open at one end, like an angry little mouth. Sarah bandages Steve’s leg and they trundle him to the ambulance on a gurney. Sarah drives and Joey spikes a bag of saline. Danny hops in with them and closes the rear door. Steve looks relieved when Danny sits down on the bench and holds his hand.
Danny has to look away when Joey starts the IV in Steve’s hand. He doesn’t like needles. He is glad Grace doesn’t share his aversion. She’s a trooper whenever she has to get a shot at the doctor’s.
“I made him take one of these,” Danny holds out the bottle of medication with his free hand. He’d stuck in his pocket in case anyone asked what Steve had taken.
Joey nods and makes a note. He monitors Steve’s vitals and doesn’t seem phased when Danny strokes Steve’s face and tells him it’s going to be OK. He even gives Danny a little smile, an ‘it’s going to be OK’ smile.
The doctors and nurses let Danny stay with Steve as they wheel him into one of the bays in the ER. Steve clings to Danny’s hand and begs him not to leave him. Danny promises and even leans over and brushes a kiss across Steve’s lips when no one is looking.
The doctor who examines Steve wants to do some X-Rays to make sure all the pins and the rod in Steve’s leg are still in place. Danny calls Chin and Kono while they take Steve to radiology.
“Yeah, I’ll let you know,” Danny is saying to Kono when they wheel in some car crash victims, one of them a child, no bigger than Grace. The kid is screaming and crying and covered in blood and Danny has to get out of there. He wants to be there when Steve gets back, but he can’t stay in there with that child. He needs some fresh air. And it all comes crashing down on him—that Steve, who should be invincible, is fragile. Steve could die so easily. Danny needs to be anywhere else but inside this building.
He is sitting on a bench in the park across the street from the hospital with his head in his hands when Kono finds him and he has no idea how long he’s been there.
“Hey,” she says and pats him on the back. “Are you OK? Steve is in surgery right now. One of the screws got messed up. He was asking for you. I promised I’d find you.”
The idea of going back into the hospital sucks all the air right out of Danny’s lungs. He holds up his hand, indicating to Kono to wait.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Danny covers his face and says into his hands. “Getting involved with someone as crazy and reckless. I don’t know if I can do this, you know. Cause I can see a lot of ER visits in our future, whether or not I’m with him.”
Kono is silent for a whole minutes before she says, “Maybe if you’re with him, he’ll have a reason to try and be careful?”
Danny shrugs. He can’t imagine any force reigning Steve in when he’s throwing himself into harm’s way, but Kono might have a point. Maybe Steve has no ballast, nothing to keep him on terra firma. Maybe. It’s possible and Danny wants to believe it, believe that he could be the counterweight Steve needs to take some care, but it’s too neat. In play, things are never that neat.
“Well, if he’s going to the ER anyway don’t you at least want to be getting the fringe benefits?” Kono raises an eyebrow and Danny laughs because it’s a dead on imitation of Steve.
“Come on,” he says. “Let’s go see what the damage is.”
They make Steve spend the night in the hospital, which makes him hilariously murderous. The morphine makes him spacey, so he knows he’s pissed, but he keeps forgetting why.
“I’m so mad… wait, who am I mad at?” he asks again.
“Chin,” Danny says.
“What did he do?” Steve is slurring his words.
“He ate all your malasadas.”
“I never eat those,” Steve says, but the nurse comes in to take his blood pressure and check his incision and Steve forgets he was peeved and falls asleep
Danny watches the rise and fall of Steve’s chest. Eventually he falls asleep in the chair next to the bed, and maybe it’s because of his badge, but the nurses don’t kick him out. Danny decides to send them something to say thank you, not flowers, maybe chocolates.
Steve has crutches again and the full leg brace is back, even though it’s the removable kind. The doctor tells him sternly, “No more stairs until I say so. You need rest. You can start your PT again in three days. You’re on bed rest until then. No exertion. Period.”
Steve nods, but he’d agree to anything to get out of the hospital.
“I know your partner here will make sure you follow instructions.” The Doctor shakes hands with Danny, who nods in agreement.
“So, do we have a case?” Is the first thing out of Steve’s mouth once they are driving away from the hospital.
“Did they check your head for injuries?” Danny says. “No. I’m serious? Did they do an MRI? Because I’m turning around so they can do one.”
“I take it that’s a no on the new case then?”
“You are going home and getting into the bed in the downstairs bedroom with your leg propped up on pillows. You’re going to watch TV and eat soup. Capiche? Because if you don’t, I will never speak to you again, never mind do anything else to you.”
“You’re serious? You know this is going to kill me right?” Steve is actually pouting.
“No, it won’t. Because we are going to do all the paperwork we need to catch up on. It’ll be fun with you high on drugs.”
“You’re going to stay with me?” Steve looks hopeful.
“Of course. You’re not allowed to get out of bed except to use the bathroom. Sorry, babe. I don’t do bedpans.”
“I guess it won’t be so bad if you’re going to stay with me.” Steve reaches over and puts his hand on Danny’s thigh and Danny smiles at him and worries slightly that if Steve’s hand on his clothed leg makes him this excited—then he is doomed for the foreseeable future, because no exertion includes sex.
Steve is being docile and gets into bed without complaint. He’s tired, either because of all the drugs or from the ride home, and falls asleep. Danny emails Kono a list of groceries and she helps Danny make soup. She’s not much of a cook, but she makes a good sous chef and chops all the vegetables into even little piles.
Chin brings three banker’s boxes of papers to be organized and a printer for Danny and sets it up. The whole crew falls into a pattern of working at Steve’s dining room table during the day, unless they need to go into the field. They don’t catch a case until the third day and Danny and Chin decide to share the command, which works out very well, because Kono ends up bossing them all anyway.
Chin and Kono take the first stakeout and arrange for HPD to cover during the day. Danny comes back to Steve’s late.
“Hey, how you feeling?” Danny asks and drops a kiss on Steve’s head.
“You missed,” Steve holds his face up and Danny rolls his eyes, but kisses him on the mouth.
“Whoa. You’ve got to brush your teeth,” he says. “Smells like something died in there.”
“I’ve got to go to the bathroom anyway,” Steve hobbles down the hall.
He’s been sleeping, chastely, with Steve for the last two nights. Steve’s been too exhausted for anything more than a quick kiss anyway. Danny can hear him brushing. He brushes for exactly two minutes, which Danny finds adorable and who is he, that he finds Steve’s regimented brushing of his teeth adorable? He is a man who is so screwed, that’s who he is.
He helps Steve get back into bed. He hasn’t shaved in days and the heavy stubble looks good on him. Danny runs his finger down the dark line of Steve’s jaw and then steps back. Better not to even start down that path.
“I have paperwork to do,” Danny rubs his eyes and Steve gets the message. He looks too tired and worn out to argue, which is saying something.
“Will you sit with me?” Steve says. He’s all doe eyes and Danny sighs and nods. He gathers what he needs and climbs onto the other side of the bed. Steve is watching old episodes of ChiPs on his laptop and he uses the headphones so as not to distract Danny.
Danny doesn’t notice when it happens, but Steve reaches over threads his fingers through Danny’s. Maybe it’s being here in his parents' old bedroom, which has the feel of an adult bedroom, but then Danny feel's like they could be an old married couple. It makes Danny laugh and he has a sudden vision of themselves in forty years in bed. Danny has reading glasses and white hair. Steve is gray, with deeper laugh lines. And Danny so badly wants that to be the truth—to be his future, but they aren’t going to get there if Steve doesn’t take care. They’re going to have to have a talk.
Danny looks over and Steve has fallen asleep and is drooling a little bit on the pillows. Danny softly closes the laptop and removes the earbuds from Steve's ears. He stows them on the dark wood nightstand, which is so obviously from some painful part of the seventies. He refills Steve’s water glass in case he needs to take medicine in the night and then Danny strips down to his shorts and climbs into the bed and falls into a deep sleep.
Danny knows where he is when he wakes up, but it’s still strange to wake up and find Steve staring at him. Strange, but kind of awesome.
“Morning,” Steve says and he grins so hugely that the skin around his eyes folds up into little crinkles.
Danny leans forward and kisses him. Not just a peck on the lips, but a full throttle, tongue included, who cares about my morning breath kiss. Steve is on board with that and makes a soft noise, a precursor to a moan and that’s got Danny’s full attention. He wants to hear all of Steve’s noises, wants to wring moans from his trembling body, but this is not the right time. Steve’s leg is not up to the things Danny wants to do to him and Danny figures he’s waited this long. What’s a few more weeks? He breaks the kiss.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t get you wound up,” he says and hops out of bed onto the wood floor.
“Speak for yourself,” Steve says eyeing the tent pitch of Danny’s shorts.
“Can you imagine?” Steve says and whistles low.
“What?” Danny is distracted by Steve’s whistle puckered lips.
“If that’s what one kiss is like, what’s it going be like when we can actually do stuff?”
“Do stuff? What are you, twelve?” Danny can’t help saying it.
Steve flushes and looks up at Danny from under his lashes and says in a low voice that rides down Danny’s spine, “When I’m better and I can run my tongue over every inch of your body, suck you off, get you hard, and then fuck you until your brains melt out your ear…”
“Guh,” is all Danny can manage. Because yes he can imagine it. Has imagined it.
“Come here,” Steve says and crooks his little finger and wiggles it at Danny.
Danny comes close and sits down when Steve pats the bed.
“So maybe I can’t do anything, but you can.” Steve flicks his eyes down to Danny’s crotch. “And my hands and mouth are working fine.”
“No,” Danny says, not because he doesn’t want it, but because it seems unfair to Steve.
But Steve just keeps looking at him with those magic color changing eyes, which look greenish today, and runs his hand up Danny’s thigh and right into his boxers. He slips his fingers around Danny’s cock and Danny forgets how to breathe.
“But what about you? I don’t want to get you all worked up and not…” Danny says, breathing too much now.
“Shhhh. I can take it. I’d rather see you get off than not have any fun at all.” Steve’s smile is so genuine that Danny kneels on the bed and yanks off his boxers and letfs Steve look and touch all he wants. He stays up on his knees so it is easy for Steve to reach him.
Steve seems utterly fascinated and he runs his hands slowly all over Danny’s abdomen and hips and ass and places small kisses wherever he can while slowly strokes Danny. Danny starts murmuring and all the things he’s imagined, every dirty little thought he’s ever had spills from his lips and Steve looks up at Danny’s face with bright eyes and a stripe of red riding high on each cheekbone.
Danny begins explaining his favorite fantasy, “It’s early morning and no one is in the office yet. I’ve come in early to do paperwork and I find you in my office in your uniform…”
Steve giggles. “Seriously? What is it with the uniform?”
“Shhhh. Do you want to hear the rest or not?”
Steve takes the head of Danny’s cock into his mouth and sucks it gently and looks up at Danny, waiting to hear the rest and Danny almost comes right that second. But he takes a deep breath and holds it and hangs on.
“You come over and take off my tie, without saying anything. You’ve just got that smoldering look in your eyes like you want to take all my clothes off and burn them so I can’t ever wear clothes again. And so I take off your tie in retaliation. You kiss me and then we tear off each other’s clothes. And you sit in my desk chair and take the lube out of my desk drawer and I sit on your lap and you know how the chairs are good and springy? I bounce up and down on your dick until you explode inside me and you are jerking me off and I come all over the paper work I was supposed to do.”
Danny comes as he is explaining about the paper work, so many words come out as one long slurred word with lots of moaning thrown in. Steve swallows and gives Danny another ten thousand watt smile.
“I should have known you’d swallow,” Danny says.
“Is that bad?” Steve actually looks self-conscious.
“No, it’s fucking hot. Just like everything about you.” Danny sinks down on his knees and kisses Steve thoroughly.
“Yeah, my hot leg brace must be what got you going this morning,” Steve says. He is still clearly aroused and Danny wants to apologize again, but he doesn’t want to rub Steve’s face in it either. So he lets it go.
“Actually it was your smile, but on you? Everything looks good.” Danny kisses him again. “Come on. You’ve got PT in an hour.”
“Do you really keep lube in your desk at work?” Steve says.
“You’ll have to get well enough to find out,” Danny says and runs for the shower feeling like all his bones have turned gelatinous. He still needs to have the talk with Steve about him being more careful, but it’s going to have to wait until later.
Chapter 5: Backup
Danny has qualms about being with Steve.
Very great thanks to casness for the beta reading! <3
Danny watches Steve walk into the rehab facility and notices his leg is getting much stronger. It’s been three weeks since the surgery and Steve is expecting to be cleared to swim again and also to have sex. They still haven’t talked and Danny really needs Steve to promise he’ll be less reckless before this thing they’ve got goes any further, except it’s already gone too far and will tear a big hole in their lives if it falls apart now. The real problem is that Steve will probably say, “Of course. I’ll be more careful.” But will forget at the first sign of a burning building he can run into. He just won’t be able to help himself, Danny thinks.
He gets a call that there is a robbery in progress less than half a mile from where he is sitting. Steve won’t be done for over an hour so Danny switches on his lights and sirens and pulls out onto Kapiolani Boulevard. HPD is on the scene when he arrives and so is Kono. Danny pulls his TAC vest out of the trunk and checks his weapon, which is fully loaded. He has two full clips in his vest.
Kono pulls her vest over her head and tightens the straps. “Three armed suspects in the store. It’s a high-end jeweler. There are four employees and two customers so we now have a hostage situation. Should we call Steve?”
“No, he’s at PT. We can handle this.”
Kono doesn’t look convinced.
“You know I am a trained detective, right? Or do you think they just gave me this badge because I’m so pretty?”
“Yeah. I mean. No. Um…”
“I’ve got this,” Danny says. It’s great when your teammates have such faith in you. The thing is that Danny hasn’t done this in a long damn time and he’s only done it once before and it worked out OK. The gunman surrendered. No one got shot. Danny’s mouth and throat are dry, but he saunters over to Chief Mahaka and offers his services, not sure whether he’s going to be rebuffed, and not sure that would be a bad thing.
“Great,” the Chief says. “Good to Have Five O on board here. Where’s McGarrett? Still off the leg?”
“Yeah, he’s not active yet. Another week or two.”
“Mahoe? Get Williams up to speed here. He’s running comm with the suspects once we make contact.” Mahaka claps Danny on the back and runs off to order his men into formation and see that everyone is doing what they’re supposed to be.
The gunman who eventually speaks to Danny is skittish as hell and Danny uses his calmest voice and says all the things he’s been trained to say. The situation still goes pear shaped and one of the gunman shoots the owner of the store. SWAT storms the place with flash bangs and gets everyone out alive. The owner took one in the leg, but he’ll be OK.
Danny checks his phone and realizes he’s totally forgotten about Steve, who was probably finished with PT over an hour ago. Shit.
He jumps in the Camaro and flies back to the rehab facility where he finds Steve sitting outside with mild aneurysm face.
“I am so sorry,” Danny says. “There was an armed robbery and…”
“It’s all right.” Steve shrugs as if to say these things happen. He knows the drill.
“So?” Danny gestures at Steve’s leg.
“I’m cleared,” he says quietly, like it’s not a big fucking deal.
“Did you say you’re cleared? For swimming? And for?” Danny steps closer and lowers his voice.
Steve nods and smiles.
“That’s great. I’m…” Danny’s brain is heading in two very different directions. He wants to take Steve home and finally get his hands on all that skin, but they also need to have a talk before things get even more complicated.
“What’s wrong?” Steve furrows his brow.
“Nothing, I just think we need to have a talk, before we, um celebrate your news.”
Steve gets in the car and doesn’t say anything for several minutes. He finally clears his throat and says, “So. We’ve had weeks to talk and you want to talk now?”
“I didn’t say it was all I wanted to do. But we have to. I’m kind of freaking out.”
“You’re having a big gay freak out now?”
“What? No. That’s not what this is about. Look, just let’s go to your place and sit down where we can look at each other. I don’t want to have this conversation in the car. OK?”
Steve’s jaw is rigid. “Look, if you’re going to dump me, could you not do it at my house?”
“For Christ’s sake, I am not dumping you. I’m crazy about you. Calm down.” Danny pulls into Steve’s driveway and turns to Steve who still looks freaked out.
“Trust me,” Danny takes one of his hands. “This is just about something I’m worried about and need to talk to you about before things go any further. If we’re going to do this we’re going to have to talk about shit, you know?”
Steve just stares at him blankly.
Danny covers his eyes in horror. “Oh, God. You really don’t know, do you?”
Steve pries Danny’s hands away and says, “I can learn.”
“I know, babe. I just hope I can teach you. Come on. I need a beer.”
Steve unlocks the door and Danny follows him into the kitchen, pulls two Longboards from the fridge and opens them. He and Steve drink their beers in an awkward silence that just grows thicker the longer it goes on.
“Look, I’m not in any way trying to break up with you, but I do need you to do something for me. OK?”
Steve nods and he’s scanning Danny’s like he’s trying to crack a code.
Danny takes a deep breath and if Steve says he can’t or won’t make an effort to restrain himself Danny will have to figure out if he can take it, but first he has to find out. He sets his beer down because he feels like he might drop it.
“I know you’ve been trained to just throw yourself headlong into gunfire and danger and burning buildings and hostage situations, right? But I can’t take it. My heart can’t take it, babe. It kills me every time you do that. And I need you to be a little more careful with yourself. Wait for backup, not just me, but actual backup. Look before you leap. I don’t know if you can do it, but I’ve got to ask.”
“You want me to be careful?” Steve says the words like they’re a foreign language and his brows pucker.
“Yeah, that’s it.” Danny is practically holding his breath. He doesn’t want to add that he doesn’t ever want to have to tell Grace that Uncle Steve isn’t coming home. That’d be a sucker punch and he doesn’t want to be manipulative about this.
Steve takes a long minute and picks at the soggy label on his bottle. He’s got his hip jutted against the counter and Danny wishes he would say something.
“So, if I don’t? If I can’t? What does that mean?”
“It’s not an ultimatum. It’s a request. It’s something I need from you. I’m not expecting you to be perfect, or overcome years of training, but if you could make an effort? Just hold back when you don’t need to go in with guns blazing, you know? Just try and stick around, for me.”
“And for Grace?” Steve doesn’t look up.
Danny nods and can’t speak around the lump in his throat. Steve gets it. That’s good.
“Yeah,” Steve says softly. “I can do that for you, Danny. I can’t promise that my training won’t kick in, but I’ll try.”
Steve closes the distance between them and Danny’s throat and eyes are hot and he’s totally not choked up. At all. Except his allergies are bothering him a little. That’s all.
Steve hooks his trigger fingers through Danny’s belt loops and draws their hips together.
“So, I’m all clear for swimming and for sex,” Steve says, matter of fact.
Danny smirks. “Which do you want to do first?” But Steve’s mouth fastens on his before he can finish the sentence. They’re pushing against each other so hard that they ricochet from the stove to the island in the middle of the kitchen to the sink and Danny ends up pressed against the refrigerator.
Danny breaks the kiss and pushes Steve back. “I’ve got a plan. Come on.” He takes Steve by the hand and leads him upstairs.
“You’re not going to last the first time, because it’s been a while, so I’m going to go down on you and get you off fast. Then we’ll take our time.” He nips at Steve’s neck and whispers in his ear, “Then I want you to stretch me open and fuck me into next week. Do you want to do that to me?”
“Yes,” Steve says all breathy and deep and Danny’s glad he’s been getting it regularly from Steve’s mouth and hands or he’d be pretty useless for what he has planned.
They strip their clothes off while kissing and it’s clumsy and they laugh into each other’s mouths. Danny gently pushes Steve onto the bed and he spends a moment looking at the pink incision scar. It’s healed up quite nicely and soon it’ll be flesh colored. Danny presses a kiss at the bottom and top of it.
“You’re such a sap.” Steve rolls his eyes. He’s leaning up on his elbows.
“This is news? What clued you in?” Danny crawls between Steve’s legs and runs a finger up his cock. He’s seen it before, but this is the first time he’s allowed to touch. Steve takes in a sharp hiss of breath, but he closes his eyes like a cat.
“If anything hurts, you have to tell me,” Danny says and wraps his fingers around Steve’s hot, throbbing erection.
“Do not stop. Unless I am bleeding out my eyes.”
“Nice visual.” Danny blinks. He shakes his head and gulps. He’s only done this once before and he hopes he can make it good for Steve, but it’s intimidating because Steve is like a cock sucking ninja, of course.
“Danny? You don’t have to—”
Danny swallows him down and the taste is like the rest of Steve, only more so. And he’s dreamed of doing this so many times, imagined it when he should be doing paperwork. And it’s harder on his jaw than he expected. He isn’t sure how hard to suck. He tries imitating what Steve’s done to him and from the noises Steve is making and the way he has his hands tangled in Danny’s hair, he must be doing OK. He tries to take Steve in a little deeper, chokes and has to pull off for a moment. His eyes are watering and he’s sure this is very sexy, choking yourself on your partner’s cock.
“Let me get you some water,” Steve tries to get up, but Danny pushes him back down.
He clears his throat and wipes his eyes. “I’m fine. Just. I haven’t done this a lot, you know. I’m learning.”
Steve runs his thumb along Danny’s lower lip and gives him a look that is pure molten desire. “You’re doing fine. It feels amazing.”
Danny feels that heavy painful expansion in his chest that he gets sometimes around Steve and he almost says it, but he doesn’t want to step out on that particular ledge, especially since he might be out there alone, and naked. Instead he swallows Steve down, but wraps his fingers around the base so he doesn’t gag again. Steve moans and throws his head back. Danny gets a good rhythm going and is so intent on making it good for Steve, on swirling his tongue around the head periodically, that he is surprised when Steve starts to shove him away. Danny resists and Steve stops and looks him in the eye, nods and then explodes inside Danny’s mouth. It’s bitter and thick and an odd sensation. Danny isn’t sure whether to spit or swallow. He kind of doesn’t want to swallow, but there’s nowhere to spit, so he just does it.
“You look like you just swallowed a live goldfish,” Steve says and laughs. He looks loose limbed and happy, red stripes riding his cheekbones. Danny feels a little stab of pride because he did that.
He crawls up and kisses Steve, thinking he’ll never ever get tired of these lips, of the way he tastes, of the fullness of his bottom lip and the way he groans when Danny nips at it.
“So, I’m flying blind now. I don’t know how this works, exactly.”
Steve leans up on his elbow and grins. “So, I’m driving now?”
Danny groans. “I guess so.”
“You’ve never? With anyone?” Steve is much too excited about this.
“No,” Danny says and Rachel wouldn’t let him so whom would he have done it with? But he doesn’t feel comfortable talking about his past sex life with Steve just yet. “How is your leg?”
Steve flexes and straightens his leg and lifts it off the bed. It still looks weaker and paler than his good leg, but he’s healing and doesn’t seem to be in any pain.
“Come on,” Steve pulls Danny off the bed and into the bathroom, where he runs a warm shower, drags Danny into it, pushing him under the spray. “You need to relax. We’ll try this, but if at any point you’re uncomfortable you just need to say ‘stop’ and I will. Because I really don’t want to do anything to you that doesn’t feel good. OK?”
Danny nods and washes his hair with Steve’s shampoo that smells vaguely of mint. It feels a little weird, but he washes his armpits and his crotch while Steve leans against the wall of the shower and watches Danny’s hands move over his body.
“Let me do your back?” Steve says and his eyes looks so dark under his wet lashes that Danny just turns around before he says something that’ll make Steve realize just how big of a sap Danny is.
Steve lathers up his hands and soaps up Danny’s back, gently massages his shoulders, easing the tension away. He moves slowly down Danny’s back, working out knots and soothing him, but Danny knows where he’s headed and isn’t surprised when Steve slides his hands into Danny’s crack and ghosts a finger over his asshole. Danny shivers and his cock perks up.
Steve murmurs in Danny’s ear between kisses on his neck that he’s going to finish cleaning Danny up and then he’s going to lie down and lube up his fingers and he’s going to slip one inside to see if Danny like it. He’s going to go so carefully. And Oh. It’s going to feel so good. Danny can feel Steve’s erection against his hip, where Steve is pressed against him.
The shower lulls Danny into a blissful stupor, lust blown and hard. Steve rinses him off thoroughly and then quickly washes himself, stopping every few seconds to kiss Danny.
They don’t waste too much time drying off and climb onto the bed with slick damp skin that sticks to the sheets. Steve falls on Danny and kisses him everywhere, until Danny feels like he’s about to burst out of his skin and turn into something else all together.
“Steve, if you don’t…” Danny nearly whines from wanting.
Steve takes a bottle of lube from the nightstand and slicks up his fingers, while kneeling in the V of Danny’s bent legs.
“Please tell me—” he starts to say.
“Yeah, I’ll tell you to stop if it feels uncomfortable. Just go on. Do it.” Danny raises his hips off the bed slightly. Steve applies extra lube to Danny’s hole and runs his finger teasingly around it, watching Danny’s face for the tiniest reaction.
After a minute he slides in the tip of his index finger and Danny squirms and makes a hmmmm noise that is neither clearly pleasure nor pain.
“It feels strange, but not bad,” he explains quickly before Steve can take his finger out. Danny wants to give himself up to Steve so badly that he won’t say ‘stop’ unless it’s really painful.
Steve eases his finger all the way in and wiggles it gently and that feels quite nice. Danny’s hole spasms and grabs at Steve’s finger, which makes Steve smile and Danny moan low and guttural.
“Do you want more?”
Danny nods and Steve slowly adds a second finger, wiggling and stretching Danny open, but at a glacial pace. His cock is a hard, hot weight against his abdomen. He wants to jack himself, but he knows he has to wait. Steve is driving.
“You’re doing so well,” Steve kisses Danny’s kneecap and slips in the tip of his third finger. Danny isn’t sure how it feels; it’s like nothing he’s ever experienced before. It doesn’t hurt, but it’s not quite pleasure either. He’s relieved he’s gotten this far without having to ask Steve to stop.
“OK.” Steve withdraws his fingers and rolls a condom down over his cock and lubes it up very carefully. He leans down and kisses Danny deeply and nudges at his entrance. Danny tries to shove himself down to meet Steve, but Steve pins him to remind Danny that they’re doing this his way.
He pushes past the ring of muscle and it’s so much, almost too much and it’s just the head of Steve’s cock and Danny can’t imagine what it’s going to feel like with all of Steve inside him. Steve groans into Danny’s neck and pushes in a little bit more and waits to see how Danny reacts.
“I’m OK,” he says. “You don’t need to treat me like glass.”
“I do,” Steve says, nearly panting. “Because I want you to let me do this again. And again.” He slips in a little more with each word until he is all the way in and he hits a sweet spot that Danny didn’t even know he had. He sees stars and gasps and rocks back against Steve wanting to feel that pleasure punch through him again and again.
“Oh, fuck. Danny. Give me a minute.”
“You all right?” Danny freezes.
“Yeah, that just felt a little too good.” Steve smiles sheepishly and starts to thrust gently in and out of Danny’s ass, knocking up against his prostate and sending that intense, almost painful rush through him. Danny is making noises he can’t help and he sounds like an animal in pain, but he doesn’t care. And then Steve circles his fingers around Danny’s cock and begins jacking it in rhythm as he pounds Danny’s ass.
“So long. Wanted this for so long. Fuck. So hot. So tight. I love fucking you. I love it. I love you,” Steve says.
Danny’s eyes fly open and he goes rigid.
“What?” Steve slows down.
“You just said…”
“I love you?” Steve says and cocks his head.
“You can’t say that when you’re fucking me.”
“I just did,” he looks confused.
“It doesn’t count.” Danny wants to believe him, but he knows how sex can addle your brain.
Steve grins and kisses Danny. Then he says it with every thrust and every pump of his fist up Danny’s shaft. It’s too much to feel inside and out and Danny comes long and hard, while Steve continues to chant that he loves him.
Steve is right behind him. Tendons stand out in his neck. His mouth goes slack and he groans, almost growls when he comes.
Steve pulls out and slumps to Danny’s side, with one arm flung across Danny’s chest. They’re both breathing hard.
“I love you too,” Danny says.
“Really?” Steve looks at him with wonder and laughs for the sheer joy of it.
The next case they get, Steve waits the extra two minutes for backup, and Danny thinks he might not make it. He’s practically worn a hole through the asphalt with his pacing. But he does it. He waits. And Danny knows then that Steve means it. He really does love him.