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Tu Me Manqué

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It's been a long hard week. With all of the things going on with my mother and trying to get my new life together, I was just stressed to the max and needed a relaxing outlet.

I was riding around downtown, blowing off some steam from the argument with my mom when I spotted a new jazz bar. It wasn't anything fancy compared to the other bars I've seen on this end of town, but it was enough to catch my attention.

Now, aside from the occasional outing with a few coworkers or my best friend, I didn't really get out, I didn't see the point in it anymore. That's what mother was constantly telling me. That I needed to go out and stop worrying about work all of the time. That I needed to live a little before life passes me by. She wasn't completely wrong, being thirty and only having school and work to show for my life wasn't really that exciting. I wasn't always this monotonous person that I am now. Before my fiancée pasted I was very social and charismatic, but when I lost her it was like I lost the better half of myself. It wasn't something that I like to proudly admit but it was true. I had become a shell of my old self.

In the middle of my musing my cell starts to ring, "Dennis." I answer.

"Yo Bo, where you at? Yo moms is going cray over here."

I sigh and pull into a parking spot, "Don't worry Kenz, I just needed to get out."

She huffs, "I'm just worried about you BoBear."

"I know, I know." I rub my forehead in frustration. "Listen, I'm going to relax a little tonight. I'll be home later on. I just need some time to myself."

"I get it, I totes do." she says lowly. "You just be careful."

I chuckle, "Of course. See you later Kenz."

"Later." she says and hangs up the phone.

I was grateful to have a sister like Kenzi. Well technically she wasn't my actual sister, my mom just adopted her when I was in middle a school. She's a few years younger than me but when mother brought her home from the orphanage we clicked right away. We had been through a lot together and I wouldn't ask for anybody else to call my sister, but tonight I needed a break. A break from my mother, a break from Kenzi, and a break from life. I needed an escape and hopefully this jazz bar would help me with that.

There was something about jazz that always relaxed me. The smooth feeling it had going through your ears, coursing through your whole body as if it was your blood. I guess you could say I got my love for jazz from my father. He would always play vinyls of old jazz and blues music when I was growing up. He always said that no matter how you were feeling, if the jazz was right then your problems would melt away. For the most part he was right, but there are some problems that a cup of tea and a few jazz records could fix.

There's always something missing from me, well rather someone. My fiancée was the only woman I had ever seriously been with. Her name was Emily, she was, well she was my Em. She showed me adventure and a love like I couldn't even imagine. Our relationship wasn't always easy, but who's was? We had fights, we'd walk out on each other but we always found our way back. That was until she stormed out one night because she thought I was cheating, I can blame that little lie on her ex girlfriend. I wasn't of course and it hurt my heart that she thought so lowly of me. Words were said and she left. A hour later I got a call from the hospital that she got into a car accident with a drunk driver and was killed on impact. I carry that burden around with me everyday. I didn't get to tell her I was sorry or that I loved her and maybe if would've just let her talk to me and she had let me explain myself she wouldn't have left at all. She would be here with me. Loving me.

I shake the thoughts from my mind and make my way into the bar. I've been to every jazz bar there was Jersey so it was nice to have a change of scenery.

As soon as I walk in I'm enveloped by calmness that only a jazz bar could bring me. My muscles relax and a let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. The place was beautiful. Lowly light, with two candles on every table. There was a stage at the front center with a light system above it and a bar close to the entrance. It was what I expected for a typical jazz bar. What I didn't expect was for the stage to rotate and reveal a beautiful blonde in a green corset with skin toned stockings held up by a black gaudier. She was exquisite.

I walk to the bar and order a whiskey and sip, "Ladies and gentleman, The Sax is proud to present the delectably sweet, Flora." the announcer says over the intercom and the crowd claps.

The woman looks up at scans over the coward with a sexy smirk, "Thank you ladies and gentleman for joining me this evening." she says in a French accent. From the looks of her she doesn't look French, and from the way her American accent laced through a few of her words, you could tell it was an act. A sexy act to say the least. "If you would let me, I would like to sing one of my favorite French songs. This is C'est Si Bon." the crowd cheers lightly, bringing a smile to her face.

She opens her mouth to sing and I am completely captivated.

C'est si bon,
De partir n'importe où,
Bras dessus bras dessous,
En chantant des chansons,
C'est si bon,
De se dire des mots doux -
De petit rien du tout -
Mais qui en disent long.

She exits the stage while she sings to walk around the floor. Her smile never fades and she touches lightly and a few gentlemen's arms and hair. I'm glued to her as she seemingly glides across the floor, closer and closer to me.

En voyant notre mine ravie
Les passants dans la rue, nous envient
C'est si bon,
De guetter dans ses yeux

The blonde looks at me and stops when she gets to me, my breath catches in my throat as she caresses my hair. I close my eyes and sigh as her fingers linger on my face. When I look up into her eyes I am left dumbfounded by how beautiful she actually was, and those eyes. God, I've never seen brown eyes so beautiful in my life. She pecks the side of my lips and takes her leave back to the stage, smirk firmly set in place. I instantly miss the contact, along with the sight of her beautiful brown eyes. Since Emily I've never entertained the thoughts I was entertaining for this strange blonde.

Un espoir merveilleux
Qui donne le frisson

C'est si bon
Ces petit's sensations
ça vaut mieux qu'un million.
C'est tell'ment, tell'ment bon

Voilà C'est bon
Les passants dans la rue
Bras dessus bras dessous
En chantant des chansons
Quel espoir merveilleux
Uummm - C'est bon.

Je cherche un millionnaire
Avec des grands "Cadillac car"
"Mink coats" - Des bijoux
Jusqu'au cou, tu sais?

C'est bon
Cette petit' sensation
Ou peut-être quelqu'un
avec un petit yacht, no?

She smirks in a way that makes you think she knows something you don't as she makes her way back to the stage. If there was one word to describe her it was riveting. I can only tell a few words in what she is saying but all I knew was I didn't want her to stop. I never knew I would find French so attractive, but for her, my god she could talk for days with that accent and I wouldn't give a damn if anything else happened around me.

Aahhh C'est bon
C'est bon, C'est bon
Vous savez bien que j'attendrai
quelqu'un qui pourrait m'apporter
beaucoup de "loot."

Ce soir?, Demain?, La semaine prochain ?
N'importe quand.
Uummm - C'est bon - si bon
Il sera très - crazy, no?
Voilà, c'est tell'ment bon !

The blonde ends her song with a curtesy and exits the stage. But in my eyes she is still there, looking at me with that sexy smirk, singing only for me.

I was so lost in my fantasy that I didn't hear the bartender come up behind me and refill my drink,"She great isn't she?" the bartender asks with a small smile.

I turn around to face him in a haze, "Um, who is she?"

He smiles knowingly, "Well, her stage name is Flora but judging by her best friend her real name is Lauren."

Looking back were she once stood my hand traces were she had kissed me and I whisper to myself, "Lauren."