Things never go quite as planned in this specific group of dwarves.
From random attacks from Orcs to getting stuck in a mountain range with fighting rock gods, there is never a boring day.
The attack from the goblins proved to make everything so much harder, and then almost right after the scare with those hideous beasts, Azog and his merry band of assholes corner Thorin's Company at a cliff side. Gandalf ultimately ends up saving your sorry butts with his call on the eagles, and Thorin almost dies.
All this happens, and you find that you're as useless to the group as the flies that bother these unwashed dwarves throughout the day.
Even as you were attempting to outrun the huge demon bear on everyone's trails, you were still useless to the group because of your inability to run as fast as the others. You held up the end of the running line, Bombur outrunning all of you despite all his pudge which would actually be quite the funny sight if you weren't all running for your lives.
Suddenly, a building came in sight and you tried to speed up, but you only stumbled and almost knocked over the dwarf in front of you. Both Bilbo and Fili who were holding up the back grabbed your arms, hoisting you back up without stopping.
Once you regain your footing you fall back into the rhythm of running, able to make it the rest of the way without incident. Eventually Fili runs up towards the front as Gandalf and Thorin take the back to make sure no one gets left behind. "Run faster. Y/N!" You hear said mountain king yell, but you've got nothing left in you. The dwarves end up piling up on the door, none of them thinking to actually open the door, and when your body slams into Ori from behind, you use him as leverage to flip the hatch up.
Everyone piles in, and they waste no time in forcing the door shut, hitting the large snarling snout of the beast. The door closes and the latch is secured, and then everyone finally gets a chance to just breathe.
There is silence for a bit aside from the sounds of everyone breathing heavily, before Gandalf speaks slowly.
"That is our host."
His dramatic timing makes you sigh, and you reach up and adjust your wild hair, looking around the large home skeptically. Even when everyone else's breathing starts to calm, you're still panting as your heart rate struggles to calm down.
Bilbo approaches after a few moments, his hand resting gently on your shoulder. "Y/N? Are you alright?"
You give him a simple nod, settling down on a mound of hay against the wall, "I'm fine, Bilbo. Just tired from all the running, is all."
He pats your shoulder lightly in response, then turns and joins the others in speaking with Gandalf.
Eventually you did completely relax, energy replenishing as everyone settled in for the night. Some of them are starting to drift off to sleep already, but your mind is running a mile a minute It seems you have no hope of actually getting any rest.
Many thoughts come and go, but eventually your mind decides to settle on the usefulness of your role in this group.
You don't cook like Bombur, burglarize like Bilbo, do magic like Gandalf, lead like Thorin or his nephews, hell you can't even grasp simple medicine like Oin. You were just a stupid little hobbit girl, tagging along with her brother because she didn't want to be home alone. You don't even have a proper weapon to protect yourself with, the dullness of the blade you were given only dueling that of the intelligence of a troll.
These reflections only made you feel discouraged and dejected, your mind wandering to the possibility of everyone seeing you as nothing but a liability.
After a bit more of dwelling on this, you began to upset yourself greatly.
You can feel yourself becoming emotional, and when you can no longer withhold your sorrows you get up and rush off to a more private area of the large house to avoid grabbing anyones attention.
When you finally achieve seclusion, you sit yourself down and bury your face against your knees, trying to fight the self doubting thoughts plaguing your mind. They've no proper place to call home, and the hardships the have suffered are great, so what right do you have to drag them down?
You hear the distinct sound of hay crunching under the weight of someone's feet, and you find yourself looking up rather quickly.
Fili and Kili stand in the open doorway of the room you entered, both of them looking straight at you with matching expressions of confusion and worry.
You hurriedly wipe your face and offer up a forced smile to them. "O-Oh Kili, Fili... I didn't hear you two get up", you pause and clear your throat, "Is something wrong?"
The puffiness around your eyes and the obvious tear streaks on your cheeks are clear indicators as to why you left so suddenly, and you can see that they're trying to process what's going on here.
The two brothers exchange a look, and then they both walk over and plop down on either side of you.
You look between the two slowly, questioning showing clearly on your face.
Kili's heavy arm rests over your shoulders, and he leans in closely. "Y/N, whats got you down so? It's practically killing us seeing you so sad like this."
You shift around a bit, looking at him shyly, "I-I'm not upset! I am... having an allergic reaction..." Wow, you can't even come up with excuses properly. Where will your horrible pathetic-ness end?
Next to you Fili chuckles, and you feel yourself becoming even more embarrassed.
Fili shifts next to you, and then his head is laying in your lap as he stares up at you with his big blue eyes.
You look down at him for a moment, then tilt your head back and close your eyes. "If I tell you, you will both laugh at me." You state simply, strangely comforted by the two brothers presences despite your apprehension to share.
Kili reaches over with his other hand and gently turns your head towards him, looking at you seriously, "There is nothing you can say that would make us laugh at your sorrows," he assures with a small smile, "You can tell us anything."
A moment of silence passes by where you just look at him, searching his face for any sign of deception of insincerity.
When you find none, you let out a long and overdramatic sigh and begin, "I..." you clear your throat, "I don't provide anything for the group. I slow you all down. Even Bilbo has done so much more than I, and he claimed to hate adventures. All I do is... fall and stand in the middle of the group why you all put your lives on the line." You're amazed that you're able to say it so clearly while keeping the tears a bay, but your resolve is quickly declining.
You sniffle quietly, a small whimper leaving past your lips. You breath heavily a couple times then hide your face with your hands shamefully, "I-I'm sorry, um, I..."
Fili sits up from your lap and you feel the arm around your shoulders pull you a bit closer. "Is that really what you think? That you drag us down? That's ridiculous." It's Fili who speaks up first after your explanation, but you find yourself doubting his words.
Kili removes his arm from your shoulders and pulls your hands from your face while he offers you a reassuring smile. "You bring many things to the group, Y/N. I mean... we all enjoy your company, Fili and I think you're great you know, and you think quickly on your feet."
The doubt still shows on your face as clear as day, and you retort in frustration. "Enjoying my company doesn't keep anyone safe, Kili! I'm useless! Completely useless to this group, and to the both of you. Even Bilbo thinks I should've stayed in the shire, and he's right!" You don't mean to snap at them, and your anger isn't actually directed at them, but you're just so furious with yourself. You take a deep breath and whimper out, "And now I'm being a total jerk when all you're trying to do is make me feel better!"
They both exchange a worried look.
Fili reaches up and cups your face gently in his hands, and you can see determination in his eyes. "Remember today when the beast was chasing us, and none of us had the brains to open the door? Remember how you jumped up and unlatched the door so we could all file in?" You give a slow now, eyes flickering between him and his brother who still hold your hands rather tightly.
Kili then speaks up, "What about the time when the trolls had us all caught, and you convinced those fools that eating you was would poison them and you released our ponies?" You give another slow nod.
Fili speaks again, "Or when the goblins were chasing us after Gandalf killed their king, and you cut the ropes behind us as we went so they couldn't follow?"
You are beginning to understand what they're getting at.
"I-I guess I see what you're saying..." Your voice is whispery as you look Fili straight in the eyes, watching as a smile lights up his face.
"You've got to be one of the smartest in our group."
"And the prettiest!" Chimes in Kili.
You feel your face heat up at that, your eyes dipping down to look at the hay shyly. "I-I don't know about that..."
The brothers laugh loudly, and you smile a bit at their joy. "There it is! She's smiling Kee. Look how pretty she is when she's smiling instead of crying!"
This time you laugh a bit, sniffling quietly because of how terribly stuffed your nose is. "S-Shut up you two, you're embarrassing me", you're mumbling again, but the smile betrays your feelings to them.
Kili releases your hands and Fili lets your face go, but neither of them move to leave.
Fili sounds more serious when he speaks, "You're not useless you know. We know that you won't just drop everything you believe and listen, but it really is true."
Chewing gently on your bottom lip, you nod your head slowly to let him know you understand what he means. "I-I understand... um, thank you two, for, uh, talking to me, I-" You're silenced suddenly by a weight on your mouth, and it takes you a few moments to realize that you're being kissed - by Kili.
He pulls away after a few moments, and you're about to say something before the same weight returns, only this time it's Fili who's kissing you.
When he pulls back, you're in a daze. They'd only kissed you for a few seconds each, but that's enough to fluster you.
They are both looking at you with cheeky smiles, meanwhile you're so red someone may mistake you for a fruit.
"We've made her all red, but I think it suits her." Fili states proudly.
"Don't be so loud, Fee, Bilbo will kill us if he thinks we've done something to her."
"Oh, good point..." he mumbles quietly. His expression brightens suddenly and he perks up as if struck by a great idea, "but I'm thinking that I need to kiss her again, incase I am to forget."
"And me as well!" Kili agrees.
You tap your finger against your knee a few times, listening to them speak back and fourth quietly. Honestly, you've not a clue what to make of this. "Boys... perhaps we should all go to bed and sort things out in the morning?" Two pairs of eyes move to you, and two mischievous smiles light their faces.
"Ah, good point. Go ahead and lay down, we'll both keep you warm!" Kili states cheekily, pulling you closer to him.
Fili laughs, wrapping his arm around you gently. "Common, stop teasing her brother, I think her head will explode if she gets any redder."
That one makes you laugh, and you find yourself almost finding this normal.
Which is why you chance a soft, and very bashful, "I-If you want to share a sleeping space... I won't, um, be upset about it."
They smile again, and now your bed arrangements have been sorted for the rest of the trip.