I'm watching myself
A vision so darkened I cannot stay
I'm reaching out wide
Trying to catch myself before
I fall too little too late
Can you save me ?
Where do we go when I walk on light
Who do we call at the edge of night
Carry me close like the tear drops in your eyes
All I can give you is memories
Carry them with you and I'll never leave
I'll lay my head down
But when I lay my head down
Dean slummed limply against the wall. Swells, cuts and bruises covered most of his face. It felt so difficult to see or even breathe for that matter. Metatron had done a number on him wielding the “power of god”. The stench of blood was thick in the air. Dean was barely able to concentrate let alone pick himself up. Still the Blade called to him, like a beacon of untold power. Son of a bitch! Dean Winchester knew that if he took the blade and kill Metatron now, there will be no going back.
Ever since he had killed with the First Blade, there was a hunger growing steadily within him. It gnawed at him, clouding his mind, urging him to pick up the Blade whenever it was near its vicinity. Dean tried to resist the Blade’s calls but he always gave in. Once he had the Blade in his hands, all thoughts of doubt and fear immediately faded away, giving him clarity and focus. The focus to Kill. Dean never told anyone, especially Sammy, about what was happening to him. He couldn’t. How could he lay his burden on his brother. Not after all Sammy had been through. It’s my burden to bear, not yours Sammy.
The Blade lay just out of reach from Dean with Metatron gloating at him. Dean could barely hear him. To hell with it. Even if I die, least I’d drag that smug bastard down with me. He focused all his energy in summoning the Blade to him, like he had before he stuck it into Abadon’s guts. The Blade shuddered and moved. It flew into Dean’s hand. Then, he felt something sharp and cold pierce his gut. He faintly turned to see Sam running towards him with a mouthed NO! Dean had no more strength left. It’s too late. That angel douchebag got to me first.
Sound began to return to Castiel as he got over the shock of his former-brethren-turn-enemy-turn-ally Gadreel sacrificing himself to prove his innocence and a chance to atone for his sins. Cas quickly got out of the rubble and made his way to Metatron’s room in search of the tablet, the same one that fuels the “Would-be God’s” powers. He knew he was running out of time as Dean would be fighting against Metatron to buy him time to destroy the tablet. I hope that I’m not too late. Please hang in there Dean. I’m already in the Deathstar.
Now where would I hide a tablet that possesses the power of God? Cas’s logical and methodical mind answered a million possibilities. However, his emotions and instincts tugged at him. He was missing something. Metatron said he was a writer. His entire endgame is based upon him emerging as the hero and saviour of the story he wrote. Cas glanced towards the blue antique typewriter sitting on Metatron’s desk. The word of ‘God’ indeed…
Darkness swirled within Dean. Metatron was gone. Sam gripped and shook him, trying to keep him awake. Underneath all the exterior injuries sustained, he could feel the power of the Blade spreading. Something cold, not winter cold but a give-me-the-creeps-chill sort of cold. The feeling of sensing something was out there, watching and preying on you from the darkness. Whatever it was, it was evil and Dean knew it. He desperately fought to keep the chill that was threatening to overwhelm him.
Damnit Cas! Where are you? I need to see you. At least one last time. Memories of Cas flashed before him and the chill began to slow its pace. Dean was surprised at this revelation and his reaction to the lack of Cas’ presence. ‘I did it all you, Dean,’ echoed Cas’ voice. I guess it makes sense... in a way. The things that Cas did began to fall into place, rebelling against heaven, fighting against his own kind. Hell...the guy even gave up his army for me. Cas always had affected him profoundly in ways he never thought possible. He just never realised it until now. Dean had always thought that his brother Sam was the one person he could never truly let go off. Turns out that there was another in Dean’s life. It wasn’t Bobby, it wasn’t Dad, it wasn’t Lisa, Benny or any of the others. It always has been the angel who had literally left his mark on Dean, his Cas.
No matter how badly things went, Cas always found his way back to him. Dean only hoped that Cas made it out alive. I’m sorry that I have to leave you Sammy and Cas. I wished that you could save me but it’s too late.
So let me freeze time
Before it turns cold
The moments go by and life goes on
The torturous stars
Are taking every breath I wish I held
The love is my heart
Is never ending
Sam carried Dean the best he could, out of the warehouse. Away from here. It seemed like Cas and Gadreel succeeded in destroying the tablet. Otherwise, Metatron would have stuck around to finish the job. Sam’s jacket was beginning to soak with Dean’s blood. He’s lost a lot of blood. He’s going to die if I don’t get help. Sam silently prayed for Cas, hoping the angel could hear him and heal Dean. Cas did not come to his call. Something was wrong. Everything had gone seriously wrong. Metatron is out there. Cas is not here. And Dean…
Dean slummed even further onto Sam. ‘Sam, hold up,’ Dean breathed. He had to let Dean rest. Dean leaned against an old rotting table and held Sam by his shoulders. ‘I need to say something,’ Dean struggled.
No. Don’t say anything. I don’t want to hear it. Save your strength. ‘What?’ asked Sam instead.
‘I’m proud of us,’ declared Dean, staring straight into Sam’s eyes. His hand moved to tap on Sam’s face like a father who was proud of his son would have done. Tears threatened to overwhelm Sam as he watched his brother’s eyes closed and fell on him.
‘Hey, hey, wake up, Dean! DEAN!’ gestured Sam desperately. You can’t die. You’re my brother. I’m so sorry Dean. Dean! Just wake up! Please!!
Dean didn’t respond. Sam knew he was gone. He cried for his brother’s passing as he hugged Dean tightly for the last time.
After smashing the tablet, Cas found himself handcuffed to the chair. Metatron had returned. If he had returned, that would mean Dean had... Dean wouldn’t fail. He couldn’t. Pieces of the tablet lay shattered on the floor.
‘So Gadreel bites the dust and the tablet, arguably the most powerful instrument in the history of the universe and for what again?’ questioned Metatron. ‘Oh that’s right. To save Dean Winchester,’ he sneered.
Cas looked up at the mention of Dean. Dread began to fill him. ‘I mean that was your goal right?’ Metatron continued. ‘You draped yourself in the flag of heaven but ultimately it was all about saving one human, right?’
Cas turned away. He couldn’t even look at Metatron. He was guilty by all accounts. Dean started off as part of his assignment – to protect him. Somehow along the way, that protection became a vow. In all his life of existence, Cas had never felt more alive than he was with Dean. Dean challenged everything he used to believe in; made him see the good in humanity; that free will was worth fighting for. That Dean was worth fighting for.
While Dean had sacrificed a lot to save Cas; likewise Cas had also given up so much for that man. He lost his place with his brethren, his home above, his angel grace and his own life. And Cas knew that if he could do it all over again, he wouldn’t choose differently. Because it lead Cas to him. As an angel, Cas had never experienced love but from what he understood about that complex emotion with so many different answers, he somehow knew that his love resided with Dean Winchester.
‘But guess what?’ eyed Metatron. ‘He’s dead too.’
Cas turned back to face that son of a female dog. His eyes went wide, mouth parted in shock. This is not happening. Not Dean. I failed him.
I can't see me
But you still feel me
I only live in your memories
I mean something
You lay me down
Take me there
He has to pay for what he did. This has to end. Cas did his best to calm himself, tapping into his angel half to subdue the raw pain and anger he was feeling at the moment. The angel forced himself to think logically and took in deep breaths whenever he could. Cas baited Metatron to confess to his crimes. Metatron, ever so eager to tell his story, revelled in the opportunity to gloat at his victory over Cas.
In doing so, he unwittingly told everything he did with smug glee. The rest of his brethren did the rest of the work for Cas as he heard Metatron’s first hand confession over the PA system. Cas did it. Metatron was finally defeated. And all Cas felt was grief.
Dean felt himself pulled away from his body. He saw Sam crying, hugging his body, now an empty shell. I hope you find your happiness Sammy. This will only be temporary. You’ll get over it. I could never get over losing you but I know you’re strong enough to do so. Goodbye Sammy.
He continued upward until he found himself in a room. Metatron was there. Dean remembered that he was supposed to kill that bastard. But it didn’t really seem that important now. Then, he saw Cas handcuffed to the chair. Cas’s face was white but his eyes were filled with sorrow and rage. His jaw clenched with a sense of determination Dean had seen countless of times when the nerd angel was by his side.
Dean turned around to see the PA microphone was turned on. Metatron was spilling all his dirty secrets out and he didn’t even know it. He would be the cause of his own downfall. Nice one. Real smooth Cas. He smiled with pride at Cas as the rest of the angels rushed in to take down Metatron. Despite the victory, Cas could only look down at the floor, shoulders slummed in defeat. Dean knelt in front of Cas. His angel couldn’t see him off course but Dean couldn’t bear to see him like this.
Hey, hey... Dean faced upwards to look at Cas. It’s not your fault. Don’t do this to yourself. You never failed me. You saved me. It took me so long to realise this but You mean everything to me Cas. Never forget that. Dean stroked Cas’ face as he felt himself fading away.
Cas felt a familiar touch to his face as the feeling dissipated. He looked around for a sign but there was no one there.
Don't let me go
Hold me in your beating heart
I won't let go
Forever is not enough
Let me lay my head down on the shadow by your side
Don't let me go
Hold me in your beating heart
Sam carried Dean back to the Men of Letters Headquarters. His tears had dried, his face replaced with a hollow look. Sam lay Dean down on the latter’s bed and walked out.
The younger Winchester sank into a chair at the main hall, a drink in his hand. He downed the drink in a single gulp and let the cup slide from his fingers, landing onto the table with a loud thunk. His thoughts drifted back to that moment of confrontation. ‘You would’ve done the same for me if the situation was reverse’. ‘No. Actually I wouldn’t’. Sam closed his eyes tight. He regretted telling Dean that. He knew it was the truth when he said it. Sam had always wanted a normal life. One where there were no monsters out to rip your throat and you could just sleep soundly into the night. But he knew he was past that stage. And now that Dean was dead, Sam will be damned if he let his brother go just like that. Dean was right, they are family.
It took everything Cas had in him to not shove a blade through Metatron’s skull. To torture him in every way imaginable, just as he had done to Dean. As he had done to Cas. He knew Metatron hadn’t been lying when he said Dean was dead but Cas could not bring himself to see Dean’s body. Instead, he sought to see it through that Metatron is safely locked away in heaven’s cell.
After it was all over, Cas found himself alone in Metatron’s now ex-room. After a long day of maintaining a stoic face with beaming angels smiling at him like he’s some sort of leader, Cas could not take it anymore. His fist rammed into the wall, a hole left in it, like his heart. Blood dripped from his knuckles but he didn’t bother healing it. He needed to focus on the physical pain. Because the emotional pain was too much for him to handle. Tears flowed down silently from Cas as he knelt down, too tired to stand up.
What’s the point in all this? I could have everything I wanted. My brethren have finally accepted me. I could help them, lead them back into our home. Only it’s not my home anymore. Metatron lost. We won. But Sam and I are the ones who truly lost. I would never let you go Dean. I will find a way to save you. I promise.
Dean found himself in a dark space of nothingness. The darkness seemed to stretch till no end. For some reason, he could see himself quite clearly despite the pitch black surrounding. So this is where I’m supposed to spend my eternity eh? Dean thought bitterly as he had harboured a tiny hope that he could at least become a ghost, watching over both Cas and Sam. If they truly could live life without him, then perhaps he could find some peace in that. Dean noticed the glow around him, which allowed him to see himself, was growing brighter.
The light source was emitting from the Mark. It grew brighter and brighter. Its eerie orange-yellow glow slowly gave vision to where Dean was. Dark black smoke swirled around Dean. He instinctively knew that this was the same evil that tried to claim him before he died. Dean tried to run from it but the smoke was everywhere. It crawled up, latching onto his legs as the smoke transformed into a liquid corporeal state, climbing up on Dean’s body. He desperately tore at it, trying to rip off the black sludge threatening to take his life once more.
The effort was futile. A raspy voice surrounded him. ‘Come back with us. Rise, my Son. Soon, you shall be reborn and carry out what you were destined to do. To Rule.’ ‘I will fight this. I WILL FIGHT THE DARKNESS!!’ screamed Dean defiantly. He prayed that Cas and Sam had not given up on him as the darkness enveloped him.