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dave strider is not a bicycle; he's a speed machine with polytechnic rims and a sweet stereo system

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the first cut is the deepest

Dave Strider's first kiss was in a paradoxical space and time that don't exist anymore. It was with a girl who played him like an intense game of spider solitaire and yanked him down mid sentence to crush their lips together. He kissed her a little more sincerely than she kissed him and he knew that she noticed and hoped that she would be magnanimous enough not to point it out.

She probably doesn't exist anymore either.

The first time he's asked about it, his evasive half-truths don't quite come together and he says: "I cut my mouth on it. She left a scar that's how brilliantly godawful it was."

Because, really, Terezi Pyrope's hyena cackle never stopped echoing in his ears.

 


here we are, dear old friend

John yelps right into Dave's mouth which doesn't so much deter him as make him frustrated. He clutches John's shoulders and presses him into the wall, doing his dedicated boy-scout duty best to make the kiss work at all- c'mon, Egbert, you aren't even trying.

"Ha ha," John's laugh is thin and tinny, "C'mon, Dave, you can't really be serious."

"No, Egbert. I'm fucking joking. Thought I'd try out your bit for a while- this is the greatest damned ironic prank you'll ever experience."

The sarcasm is carefully parsed; Dave is generous and will let John interpret that however he wants.

John cracks a sun-bright smile and jostles his way out from between Dave's arms, "Oh man, good one!" and he slaps Dave on the back. In a manly, platonic way, "You really had me going for a minute there!"

Dave snorts derisively and hides his grimace behind the universe's coolest poker face.

 


the last and final moment is yours

"So we forget everything."

Rose nods, hands clasped behind her back elegantly. Her and Dave are starting at the Beat Mesa and refining the great and noble art of Not Making Facial Expressions Proportional To How Fucked Up This Shit Is.

"We forget everything and become different people."

"Yes, this is the general idea." Rose frowns mildly and Dave suddenly reaches out and takes one of her hands. She quirks an eyebrow at him questioningly.

"In case things are especially different, I should probably tell you that you're just about the classiest flighty broad."

They lean into the kiss in unison, equally guilty of messed up paradox incest because that's the only polite way to go about it. The kiss is chaste, almost innocent. Respectful. But it doesn't have to be and that would be a problem if they weren't about to press the reset button on the Universe.

"Well," Dave pulls away grinning bitterly, turn-tables at the ready with a hiss and spark, "I'd better get this party started. See you on Side B, Lalonde."

Rose touches a finger to her lips gently and smiles, "Naturally."

 


it's hell to pay when the fiddler stops

"Look I don't really understand any of this shi-"

- and she reaches out and takes his hand in hers. Her palm is so small, her hand so pale- ashen even against his admittedly pasty white ass. She smiles secretively at him as her eyes fall shut and around them

everything

changes

- and stays the same

 

and the whole distilled-like-mineral-water-gasoline-sheep-sheared-pig-fucking tapestry of the game is laid out before him beginning to miserable end.

 


He clutches Aradia's hand tightly as the secondsminuteshoursdaysweeks pass between them. The Maid of Time knows things the Knight may never understand.

 


pucker up, for heaven's sake

He does it to shut him up.

He is not expecting Karkat's immediate and needy keening into the kiss. The way he fists his hands in Dave's collar and mashes their lips and teeth together like boiled potatoes. Dave laughs right into Karkat's mouth before shoving the troll off but all Karkat can do is stare at him like he's glowing with the light of the goddamnit Holy Rapture.

"Fuck it," the troll wipes his mouth, sticky with spit and blood, "I never realized how fucking, hideously beautiful you are in this light. It makes me want to hit you in the nose until your face is flat as a pancake."

Dave cocks his head back a degree and raises his chin confidently, "Then go for it."

 


the only girl in the world

Jade steps on his foot when he forgets to thank the popcorn vendor and he surreptitiously gets one arm around her in the movie theater. Afterwards they take their time getting home- the air is crisp and the stars clear enough to discern the faint outlines of constellations and she says:

"I think you've made one facial expression the whole night."

"This one facial expression's served me well up till now, babe. Why make things complicated?"

She stops with her buck teeth worrying at a dangerously blossoming pout, "Well-" and she leaps onto the fountain's edge with an etheral levity, just unreal man, "Come here, then."

He leans in for the kiss, but she goes for the double-reverse tackle and they both tumble into the shallow water with a giggle and a splash.

"What the fuck, Jade!?" Dave flails for his sunglasses, but she's already holding them just out of reach, her smile reaching distressingly Egbert-esque widths.

"This is what I like to see," she says softly, touching two fingers to his cheek, "I think you're coolest like this."

He's too stunned to kiss her, so she takes the initiative instead.