Whatever they had, it wasn’t love.
That was what Chris told himself every time his thoughts returned to the four months he had spend being Kevin’s lover.
He even disliked the word. Lovers made it sound as if feelings where involved, and even if he had thought that they were exclusive, even if it had hurt like hell when Kevin got married… it wasn’t love.
If it had been love, Kevin wouldn’t have asked him to stop spending that much time with his friends.
Because it hadn’t just been Justin, Joey, Lance and JC included in Kevin’s little ultimatum.
That last fight had started because Kevin got mad at Chris just because Chris said hi to Howie first.
Kevin was more than a little possessive.
And Chris had been spooked enough by his attitude after the break up to promote the idea of the temporary break for *N Sync.
He was hiding in his cave, he knew, but it was the only place where Kevin didn’t call –and Chris knew that was more because he had never given Kevin the new number, than because Kevin was showing restraint- or showed up uninvited.
It wasn’t that he feared Kevin.
He feared what he would do if he was alone with Kevin. That was why he had asked Joey and Lance to be with him when he talked to Kevin a week ago. Because he couldn’t let himself be convinced.
He couldn’t give Kevin a second chance.
And he could’ve gone back to his pseudo happy hermit existence if it wasn’t for the headline that had appeared on his computer when he turned it on to check his mail.
“Backstreet Break? Kevin Richardson of the Backstreet Boys announces his divorce from his wife of five years, Kristin Willits.”
Kevin was getting divorced.
Chris’s own words, when he told his ex-lover that he didn’t fool around with married people, came back to bite him.
Kevin was going to be single again.
Chris picked up the phone, and dialed the first three numbers before putting it back on its place.
He was not going to call Kevin.
Even if Kevin was doing it because of what Chris said, Chris couldn’t open himself up again.
If Kevin really wanted him, he would have to call first.