Danny shifted uncomfortably on the hard waiting room chair and rubbed fiercely at the goose bumps on his arms. He didn't know why hospitals always had to be so cold. Didn't they realize that the cold made already upset people even more irritable? It wasn’t healthy either, especially in a place like Hawaii where going from the balmy tropical weather to an air-conditioned icebox could really wreck havoc on a person’s body.
"Relax, brah," Kono said from her seat across from him. "He's going to be fine."
"Relax?" Danny frowned at Kono. "I am relaxed. Calm as can be. I can't help it if this chair is straight out of Guantanamo Bay and the air-conditioner is set with food preservation in mind."
Kono raised a pointed eyebrow as he fidgeted once more in the chair.
Danny glared at her darkly.
Kono met his gaze for a moment before shrugging and standing up. “I think I’ll go find Chin.”
Danny was relieved when she left. He knew that she meant well but he couldn’t take the pressure of company right now. And besides, she had some nerve telling him to relax. He was relaxed damn it! Or at least as relaxed as a person could be when their partner was in surgery.
It really wasn’t her fault. She just didn’t understand. She hadn't seen him out there in the jungle. Steve had been so still and his breaths so shallow when Danny had found him that Danny had thought he was dead. In that moment Danny had experienced a sense of loss so profound that it had felt like he'd lost a part of his very soul. It was worse than the divorce, worse than Matt's leaving, worse than his grandfather's death, he had no context to even describe it and for one frightening moment he'd felt like there wasn't a point to anything anymore. But then he'd seen it, the slightest rise to Steve's chest and he'd sprung into action frantically trying to revive him.
Danny sighed, he had tried to let go, tried to move on with his life but he realized now that he couldn't. Regardless of how much being with Steve had hurt the reality of being without him hurt much, much more. But that didn’t mean it would be easy. He was worried about Steve, but he was also angry. How could he have been so stupid? He’d just wandered off into the jungle with no back-up and he hadn’t even told anyone where he was going. If Danny hadn’t thought to question the informant who had led them on that wild goose chase during their first search for the smuggling caves they might never have found Steve at all. As it was, they almost didn’t find him in time.
Once the doctors put Steve back together Danny was going to kill him.
“You should get some sleep.” Chin said from the doorway.
“I’m fine.” Danny said as he looked up sleepily from his chair next to Steve’s hospital bed. There was no way he was leaving this room until he knew, really knew, that Steve was going to be okay. And so what if he’d thrown the Governor’s name around to get the hospital to let him stay?
“Okay,” Chin said with a shrug. “I’m heading out. Call me if you need anything.”
Danny nodded and turned his attention back to Steve. He reached out and carefully picked up Steve’s hand, running his thumb gently over Steve’s knuckles.
“Come on, Babe,” He said. “You can wake up anytime now.”
The doctors had told him, once again after he’d threatened to call the Governor, that the surgery on Steve’s shoulder had gone well but that they were concerned about the concussion. They said that there was a risk that he could slip into a coma and that the sooner he woke up the better.
“Now you’re just being ornery.” Danny said. “I bet you’re just pretending to sleep so you don’t have to hear me tell you I told you so. Well tough luck. I told you so. There. Did you hear that? How many times do I have to tell you that you need to take back-up? What about that don’t you understand?”
Danny took a deep breath before continuing. “Hopefully that concussion knocked some sense into you but I’m not going to hold my breath. I take one little trip home to see my mother and you go all kamikaze. You’d think a grown man could make it longer than a week without a babysitter but no. Not Steve McGarrett. You need watching twenty-four-seven. I have half a mind to--”
“Danny?” Steve whispered his voice rough. “Shut up.”
At the sound of Steve’s voice, Danny felt a weight lift off his shoulders. It was like all of the tension immediately drained out of his entire body.
“What time is it?” Steve asked.
“Midnight,” Danny answered. “It’s been nearly three days since you went missing.”
“That long?” Steve groaned before suddenly opening his eyes and fixing them on Danny. “The caves! Did you find the caves? Wo Fat was on his way.”
That was it, the final straw. Danny stood up, dropping Steve’s hand. “Seriously? Seriously Steve? You nearly die and all you can think about is Wo Fat? What is it going to take for you to drop it?”
“Drop it?” Steve asked incredulously, struggling to sit up. “How can I drop it? That man took everything from me.”
“No!” Danny yelled, anger boiling over. “You have me! And Grace! Didn’t you hear anything I said out there? I love you. I am in love with you. Does that matter at all?”
Steve stared at him eyes wide, a bit like a dear caught in headlights.
Danny took a deep breath and lowered his voice. “Here’s the thing Steve, I want to get that son of a bitch too but not if the cost is your life. You need to figure out fast whether you want to live, really live, or continue this crusade.”
“And what?” Steve asked bitterness evident. “If I choose wrong you’ll leave?”
“I already tried that. It didn’t work.” Danny sighed, all his anger fading. “No, Steve I won’t leave you but I can’t be with you either.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Steve asked.
“Figure it out.” Danny said walking toward the door. He was done with this conversation. He had to get out of here. It was starting to get hard to breath and he was damned if he would show Steve any more vulnerability. After all he didn’t exactly make declarations of love everyday, let alone unreciprocated ones. He was feeling raw. “Call me after you’ve had time to think.”