"It was Capra III, the time loop," Pike replied for what felt like the twentieth time but was probably the third. He wasn't even sure how long they'd been debating the issue anymore.
"That doesn't count," One said shortly. They were getting nowhere.
"As a distraction!"
"We kissed 22 times!" Chris clearly felt that this made a difference while Number One resisted rolling her eyes.
"Because it was a time loop and the distraction worked every time! It doesn't count. Unless you want to count the wedding on Vega VI," she said in an all too pointedly off-hand way.
Chris shot her a glare. "We agreed not to mention that."
"But you were such a lovely bride Chris! The tiara and sarong was so you." She couldn't help smiling at Chris as he glowered at the memory.
"I hate you," he said, but there was no force behind it.
"Boyce still has pictures."
"Remind me to hack his computer sometime and destroy them. And if we're counting firsts then we might as well say it was Talos and be done with it."
One raised an eyebrow. "First what? First time you pretended not to notice when someone told you I was attracted to you?"
"First time interest was stated aloud," he pronounced as if it was terribly obvious.
"By mind reading aliens, not by either of us. Doesn't count."
"How about that dinner with the king and queen of Beta XII?"
"There was candlelight... but it ended in phaser fire."
"All of our dates end in phaser fire One."
"Not all." She paused. "Ok, 84.3% of them. But only 21.6% when we're not on a mission," she objected. Chris just grinned.
"See? It counts."
"But that was reluctant, we hadn't admitted anything yet. At least on Kell it was intentional."
"I am not counting 'the time we swapped bodies' as our first date."
"But we had almost half a date before it happened!"
"You're just bitter we didn't have sex while switched." She fixed him with a knowing look.
"Knew it. Fine what about that time the Klingons interrupted?"
"When you made me dinner and then we got fired on."
"Yes, but which time? There were at least four of those."
"The very first one, with the ziti?"
"We didn't get more than two bites and I had to go fight their captain to settle that."
"You look hot with a bat'leth," she justified. Watching Chris fight was always thrilling in ways that went beyond caring for his health, it was a guilty pleasure.
"I almost died."
"Well sure, but it took a week to recover from."
"Only because you refuse to stay in sickbay." He had no comeback for that because they both knew it to be true. "I'm back to the cave on Zenith with the glowing rocks then. It had atmosphere and we weren't interrupted," she explained.
"Because it caved in on us. I say Beta XII, intentional or no it was the first time we went through something together that could be considered a date."
"I still say cave."
"There was wine and dancing on Beta XII."
"Poisoned wine. We talked for over 3 hours on Zenith and we fell asleep together and you kissed my forehead when you thought I was sleeping. It was a date."
"You were awake?" Chris asked quickly. There was a hint of a flush on his neck and she just smiled.
"Of course I was," she said gently and pulled him in for a short kiss. "Are we agreed then?" she asked as they separated
"No, we only slept huddled together because it was barely above freezing and we could have died otherwise." One just sighed and pulled away.
"You enjoyed it. Don't lie. And what, running for our lives is more of a date?"
"When preceded by a feast and dancing it is."
"They were trying to kill you!" They both glared for a minute, One with her arms crossed and Pike with his hands on his hips, neither with the intention of backing down.
"We need an outside opinion," Chris declared before leading Number One by the arm out of the room.
"Boyce, What would you say was our first date, dinner with royalty on Beta XII or when we were stuck in a cave for 6 hours on Zenith?"
One shot him a look. "Stuck inside a romantic cave with glowing rocks. And there was cuddling," she explained to Phil who just looked on skeptically.
"I don't cuddle," Pike retorted automatically.
One couldn't hold back a short laugh, "That's a lie if I've ever heard one."
"Enough children... Aren't you two supposed to be adults by now?" Boyce looked between the two and they deflated a bit under his watch.
"Right, sorry." Pike looked down for a moment and reeled himself in. "So what do you say counts?"
Boyce shrugged. "Eh, the entire mission was your first date."
"You can't have a five year long first date Phil." Pike failed to resist rolling his eyes as he objected.
Boyce scoffed. "You two did."
One looked to Chris and considered it. The times they'd pretended to be a couple, the phaser fights and alien marriages, the 37 (not that she'd counted or anything, of course) kisses before they became official, the how long it had taken for them to work it all out, there was a certain poetry in calling it all one giant first date.
"He sort of has a point, Chris."
"Oh hell, I give up!" Pike threw up his hands turned to leave. One and Boyce laughed for a second before Number One left to chase down her poor husband.