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"What do you mean," John asked slowly, in case he'd misunderstood, "you don't do your taxes?"
"I don't," Sherlock said, as if it were obvious.
"Like, you don't personally do them? You have an arrangement with an accountant who got out of a murder charge or something?"
"I don't do them as in I don't lodge them, I don't pay them, I don't bother with them." Sherlock sighed. "Really, John, it's far too tedious."
"It's not optional," John found himself saying, pointing at forms, payslips and scraps of receipts around him. "The HMRC isn't requesting a tax return. It's something you have to do."
"I don't."
John turned in his chair, looking over his shoulder to see Sherlock sitting at the kitchen table, with a scalpel in hand and... "Are those fingers?"
"Of course," Sherlock said, "I wanted to know--"
"No," John interrupted. "We were talking about taxes. And how illegal it is to refuse to lodge them."
Sherlock frowned down at the table, although it was doubtful the fingers had annoyed him. "I have Mycroft."
"He works for the HMRC?"
"They work for him. In a very unofficial way." Sherlock made one long incision, peeling skin from the muscle, saying, "When I went to university, Mummy wanted me study to study something respectable like law or economics. Or political history."
John could recognise Sherlock's disgusted tone. "Something boring?"
"I wanted something interesting. Chemistry, biology, criminal psychology. Mummy responded by cutting off my allowance. I didn't have access to my trust fund until I was 21, so I took on a few odd jobs."
John still wasn't used to grown men referring to their mother as "Mummy" but it became less strange every time Sherlock or Mycroft used the term. "How does that link to tax returns?"
"I lodged one when I was nineteen and Mycroft had the gall to ensure I got a refund."
"Because Inland Revenue wouldn't ever give a refund to a student working multiple jobs and possibly being overtaxed?"
Sherlock sighed. "I find it hard to believe that every student receives fifteen thousand pound refund. Given the number of students each year, Britain's treasury couldn't support it."
"So now you don't lodge a tax return?"
"I refuse to give Mycroft the satisfaction." Sherlock paused, and looked over at John. "If you lodge your return this year, you shouldn't be surprised if you receive a remarkable refund too. It would be Mycroft's style."