Actions

Work Header

The End and What Comes After

Chapter Text

cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]

CC: -----ERIDAN!
CC: Are you awake??

CA: no fef im typin in my sleep
CC: )(ee )(ee, yea)(, I guess t)(at was a dumb question!
CC: W)(y are you online in t)(e middle of t)(e day, anyway?

CA: wwell off the top a my head id say its probably for the same reason you are
CC: I can't even t)(ink about sleeping, I'm sooooo -EXCIT-ED for tonig)(t!
CC: glub glub! 38)

CA: yeah glub glub
CA: i get that its exciting
CA: im excited too

CC: O)( PL-EAS-E I am at least ten times as -EXCIT-ED as you!
CC: I just want to glub about it to everybody!
CC: It's like our w)(ole lives )(ave been leading up to t)(is
CC: ON-E
CC: -EXCITING
CC: MOM-ENT!!
CC: GLUB!
CC: O)( my gos)(, do you think t)(e s)(ips are in orbit above us RIG)(T NOW?

CA: wwell probably fef i mean they gotta be here tonight
CC: -Eridan, you're the silly guy w)(o lives up top!
CC: Go look out your window RIG)(T NOW and see if you can see t)(em!

CA: come on its fuckin bright out
CC: I know!
CC: But I'm so excited just t)(inking t)(at t)(ey could be above our )(eads at t)(is very moment!
CC: Getting ready to land and take us away into t)(e fleet!
CC: We're adults now -Eridan! I feel so grown up!

CA: me too fef
CA: look at us wwere gonna be the top of the fuckin neww wworld order here

CC: O)( G-E-EZ-E
CA: i mean your empress thing not my genocide thing
CC: 38P You always mean your genocide t)(ing!
CC: It is pretty muc)( t)(e ONLY T)(ING you ever talk about!

CA: wwell this time im talkin about your empress thing
CA: givve me some credit here fef i knoww wwhats important

CC: Ok, sorry! Glub.
CA: glub glub
CA: dont mean im not excited about the rest of it though
CA: wwho wwouldnt get excited im gonna be the best general in the fleet i already knoww that

CC: You sure will!
CA: aint evven wworried about it
CA: im gonna be out there conquerin wworlds like i wwas alwways hatched to

CC: See -Eridan, t)(at is your genocide t)(ing.
CC: You are talking about your genocide t)(ing RIG)(T AFT-ER you said you weren't going to talk about your genocide t)(ing!

CA: wwhy are wwe callin it a thing
CA: it aint really a thing

CC: You called it a t)(ing first!
CA: anywway im goin to be conquerin planets for you fef
CA: buildin up the empire for your empress thing

CC: Well maybe I don't want to build up my empire like t)(at!
CC: I t)(ink t)(ere is probably a better way to go about it!

CA: yeah invvite evveryone in and take all the fun outta bein a wwar hero wwhy dont you
CC: It will still be fun!
CC: You'll just be defending t)(e empire instead of actively expanding it!
CC: T)(at is still fun and important!

CA: wwhatevver
CC: >38( W)(AT WAS T)(AT MIST-ER G-EN-ERAL!!!
CA: wwhatevver you say miss empress
CA: i livve to servve you i guess

CC: )(a )(a t)(at's better! 38)
CC: If you're going to be a really good conquerer t)(en you s)(ould remember t)(at your duty is to your empress!
CC: And t)(at's me!
CC: W)(IC)( IS -EXCITING!!

CA: yeah wwell at least try to start a wwar wwith somebody once in a wwhile
CA: givve me somethin to do

CC: You are terrible!
CC: As your new empress I am making a decree that you )(ave to stop being terrible!
CC: )(-E )(-E

CA: fef i dont think the empress is supposed to giggle wwhen shes givin orders
CC: O)( you don't know anyt)(ing!
CC: I decree t)(at t)(e empress must ALWAYS giggle w)(en giving orders! )(A )(A )(A

CA: reel dignified fef
CC: )(ee )(ee glub! 38)
CA: glub glub
CC: Glub glub glub glub glub!
CC: -Eridan I am just clownfis)(ing around wit)( you!
CC: You are going to be a great general and I'm reely glad you're on my side!
CC: I don't t)(ink I would be able to do t)(is wit)(out your seaport.

CA: wwell fef im glad to hear you say that
CA: you can alwways rely on me im selfless like that

CC: Actually t)(ats kind of w)(y I wanted to talk to you today.
CC: I am reely excited!
CC: But I t)(ink I mig)(t also be a little bit scared!

CA: wwait is this gonna be about feelings
CC: Yes -Eridan, you are not t)(e only one w)(o )(as t)(em!
CC: And as my moirail I t)(ink it is your job to listen to me w)(en I )(ave lots of feelings!!

CA: aint it a little early for this
CA: the fuckin suns still up an im tired

CC: We are bot)( too excited to sleep! Glub!
CC: G-ET IN YOUR WAND PIL-E MIST-ER!!

CA: ok wwhatevver go ahead
CC: ok! 38)
CC: I am a little bit scared about growing up.
CC: And about being away from Gl'bgolyb for t)(e first time.
CC: And especially about being t)(e empress!
CC: I don't know if I'm strong enoug)( to overt)(row t)(e Condesce, or if I'll even do a good job ruling in )(er place!
CC: T)(ese are t)(ings I've been worrying about a lot lately!

CA: fef you knoww wwe got plans for the condesce
CC: But s)(ell be trying to kill me as soon as s)(e knows I'm not with Gl'bgolyb anymore.
CC: W)(at if I board our s)(ip and s)(e's told t)(em all to kill me?? 38(
CC: Or maybe just rigs it to -------EXPLOD----E! 38O

CA: ha see this is wwhy you need me so bad
CA: just rely on me i already thought of evverythin here
CA: made some contacts an called in some favvors
CA: ivve been wworkin on it for a long time
CA: you got allies noww fef i made sure one a those ships wwas on our side
CA: all in secret the condesce doesnt evven knoww

CC: O)( MY GLUB -ERIDAN DID YOU REELY DO T)(AT??
CC: You are amazing! I was so scared w)(enever I t)(oug)(t about it t)(at I couldn't even try to make any plans!
CC: I was just )(oping everyt)(ing would be ok!
CC: AND T)(-EN YOU W-ENT AND DID T)(AT!!! 38D

CA: wwell sure i mean a generals gotta look out for his empress
CC: GLUB!
CC: YOU AR-E T)(E B-EST G-EN-ERAL!!
CC: And t)(e best moirail an empress could ever ask for.

CA: oh yeah
CA: of course
CA: just lookin out for you
CA: like a moirail should
CA: glub

CC: GLUUUUUB! 38DDDDD
CC: You know, it seems like as we get older you're not reely just my moirail anymore.

CA: wwhat
CA: reely
CA: you mean

CC: You are my SUP-ER MOIRAIL!
CC: And my very best friend. 38)
CC: .....
CC: Um, -Eridan?

CA: fef im reel tired an wwe gotta get up early tonight
CA: im gonna go to sleep noww

CC: Awwww, sad glub. 38(
CC: Well I guess I'll see you tonig)(t!
CC: W)(en we'll finally get to see t)(e fleet!
CC: -E-E-E-E--------E T)(IS IS ALL SO -----EXCITING!!!

CA: yeah wwe got our wwhole livves ahead of us
CA: mornin fef

CC: Morning, -Eridan. 38)

caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]

 

 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

CG: HEY MAN, TELL ME YOU'RE STILL ONLINE.
CG: PLEASE BE ONLINE PLEASE BE ONLINE PLEASE BE ONLINE

TA: well 2omebody2 flyiing off the handle more than u2ual twoday.
CG: SHUT UP.
CG: I AM FLIPPING MY SHIT HERE.

TA: a2 alway2.
TA: what, diid you thiink ii wa2 gonna leave wiithout 2ayiing goodbye?
TA: ii wa2 goiing two do iit twoniight karkat, iim not that horriible a friiend.
TA: although ii gue22 iif you were expectiing me two ju2t di22appear wiithout a word then maybe ii am that horriible a friiend...

CG: OK NO STOP.
TA: god karkat ii wa2 going two talk two you twoniight before ii left ii 2wear ii wa2!
CG: JUST STOP, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR DEPRESSION BULLSHIT.
CG: THIS IS A SERIOUS FUCKING ISSUE THAT I AM LEGITIMATELY FLIPPING MY SHIT ABOUT.

TA: what, you 2uddenly thiink youre going two faiil epiically at beiing a thre2hicutioner?
TA: 2eriou2ly kk nobody fail2 at that.
TA: iit2 pretty much the ea2iie2t thiing you can do that2 not the cavalreaper2.

CG: NO.
CG: NO, DO NOT EVEN GO THERE, THRESHICUTIONERS ARE AWESOME AND I WILL BE GREAT AT IT, END OF STORY.
CG: A WHOLE LOT GREATER THAN WHATEVER IDIOTIC THING YOU'RE PLANNING TO BE.

TA: you only wi2h you had the wiicked programmiing 2kiill2 two be an encryptrooper, kk.
TA: youre going two be planet2ide hackiing aliien2 up with your 2iickle
TA: whiile ii siit comfortably iin a shiip and hack fleet2 up wiith my computer.

CG: AND WHO GETS TO BE THE HERO THEN, SMARTASS?
CG: HERE'S A HINT.
CG: IT'S ME.
CG: WHEN THEY'RE HANDING OUT MEDALS NOBODY EVER GIVES ONE TO THE GUY WHO JUST SAT AT HIS FUCKING COMPUTER.
CG: YOU WROTE A VIRUS, BIG WHOOP.
CG: I CARVED RIVERS OF BLOOD THROUGH THE RANKS OF A HOSTILE ALIEN RACE.
CG: THAT MAKES ME BETTER THAN YOU FOREVER.

TA: 2ure you are kk.
TA: and who2 viru2 do you thiink kept that ho2tiile aliien race from carpet bombiing you from orbiit?
TA: 2uperiioriity 2ecured.

CG: LOOK, WE NEED ENCRYPTROOPERS LIKE WE NEED REFUSEDISPOSERS.
CG: IT'S NECESSARY. THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT FUCKING DIFFICULT.

TA: you cant do iit.
CG: I COULD, I JUST WANT TO BE THE ONE GETTING THE MEDALS.
CG: I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR LIFE OF BEING UNAPPRECIATED, BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO GET ABOUT AS MUCH CREDIT AS TROLL CHEWBACCA.

TA: ok thii2 conver2atiion ii2 gettiing 2tupiid.
TA: what wa2 2o iimportant that you had two me22age me and fliip your 2hiit about iit at two iin the afternoon?

CG: I AM STILL FLIPPING MY SHIT ABOUT IT.
CG: THAT DIDN'T STOP BEING A THING THAT WAS HAPPENING.

TA: 2o what are you fliipiing your 2hiit about?
CG: THE SHIPS ARE COMING TONIGHT!
TA: 2eriiou2ly kk?
TA: weve all known about thii2 forever, iit2 not liike iit2 new2.

CG: THAT WASN'T IT, MORON, LET ME FINISH.
CG: THE SHIPS, AND CONSEQUENTLY THE RECRUITINATORS, ARE COMING TONIGHT.
CG: AND I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GO OUT THERE AND TAKE A PHYSICAL.

TA: youre not goiing two get culled kk.
TA: they only do that iif there2 2omethiing wrong wiith you, youll be fiine.
TA: ii mean ii miight, but youre pretty much the defiiniition of normal, 2o

CG: NO.
CG: SHUT UP.
CG: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP, I'M NOT DONE YET.
CG: I'M FLIPPING MY SHIT BECAUSE THERE'S A BLOOD TEST.

TA: oh god kk eheheheheh.
CG: IT ISN'T FUNNY, YOU ARE A HORRIBLE FRIEND.
CG: I'M TERRIFIED OVER HERE.

TA: iit kiind of ii2 though.
CG: I MEAN I GUESS I ALWAYS KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN EVENTUALLY BUT IT'S ONLY REALLY SINKING IN RIGHT NOW.
CG: SOMEBODY IS GOING TO STICK A NEEDLE IN MY ARM AND MY BLOOD IS GOING TO BE OUT THERE FOR ALL OF ALTERNIA TO GAWK AT.
CG: AND I THINK I WOULD RATHER BE CULLED; IT WILL PROBABLY BE LESS HORRIFYING.

TA: eheheheh your blood thiing!
TA: ii dont even get why you have thii2 ob2e22iion wiith hiidiing iit ii mean iit2 not liike iit really matter2 what color you are.
TA: 2hiit ii can't even remember the la2t tiime ii thought about my blood color.

CG: WELL I CAN'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I STOPPED THINKING ABOUT MINE.
CG: TRY SHOWING A LITTLE SENSITIVITY HERE, DOUCHEBAG.

TA: ahahaha 2top beiing 2o 2en2iitiive kk!
TA: iit2 a repugnant qualiity!

CG: SURE, GO AHEAD AND LAUGH WHILE I GET MYSELF CULLED TO AVOID THE HUMILIATION.
CG: WE BOTH KNOW YOU'LL BE BEATING YOURSELF UP ABOUT IT LATER ANYWAY, DROWNING IN THE CRUSHING GUILT OF LETTING ME DIE.

TA: low blow, kk, not cool.
TA: anyway youre going two have two ju2t giive iit up and 2how 2omebody eventually.
TA: you can get away wiith iit here but there2 no way theyre goiing two let you be anonymou2 iin the fleet.

CG: SOLLUX I CAN'T DO THIS. I REALLY CAN'T DO THIS.
CG: I DON'T WANT TO BE A THRESHICUTIONER ANYMORE, I'LL JUST STAY ON ALTERNIA FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

TA: dont be 2tupiid, ii know you want thii2 more than anythiing.
TA: ju2t go for iit, no one ii2 goiing two care what color your blood ii2. 2how everybody and get iit over wiith and go on wiith your liife.

CG: YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.
TA: 2ure kk, it2 hard. haviing a crippliing fear of your own blood and growiing up.
CG: I'M NOT AFRAID OF IT YOU NOOKSNIFFER, I JUST DON'T WANT ANYONE TO SEE IT.
TA: iit2 hard and nobody under2tand2.
CG: OH FUCK YOU.
CG: I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M EVEN TALKING TO ANYONE ABOUT THIS, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU CAN DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
CG: I DON'T NEED ANY CONDESCENDING ADVICE, I'M JUST GOING TO GO AND WALLOW IN THE FLIPPED SHIT PILE.

TA: waiit kk!
TA: look ii gue22 iim not all that great at motiivatiional 2peeche2.
TA: one of the many thiing2 iim not great at.
TA: iin fact wow ii really botched thii2 up, you were really freaking out here and all ii diid wa2 laugh at you.

CG: WHOA OK NO BACK IT UP.
TA: 2orry kk, ii can't beliieve you even talk two me 2ometiime2.
CG: BACK IT UP, IT'S NOT TIME FOR THE PITY PARTY.
CG: THE PITY PARTY HAS BEEN CANCELLED, ALL THE INVITATIONS WERE LOST IN THE MAIL AND SOMEBODY POISONED THE PUNCH.

TA: that 2ure 2ound2 liike a typiical piity party.
CG: NO, LOOK.
CG: I KNOW YOU'RE TRYING TO HELP HERE BY TELLING ME IT'S NO BIG DEAL WHAT COLOR BLOOD I HAVE.
CG: BUT THAT ISN'T EVEN THE PART THAT MATTERS. I'VE BEEN HIDING IT SO LONG IT'S SORT OF BECOME THIS OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE THING.

TA: 2ort of?
TA: kk iit ii2 textbook ob2e22iive compul2ive. do not even kiid your2elf.

CG: OK, SO IT IS ENTIRELY OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE.
CG: THE POINT IS THAT REGARDLESS OF WHETHER OR NOT IT ACTUALLY MATTERS
CG: I DON'T THINK I'M CAPABLE OF SHOWING MY BLOOD WITHOUT FLIPPING OUT AND HAVING SOME KIND OF FUCKING PSYCHOTIC EPISODE.
CG: AND I DON'T WANT TO START OFF MY CAREER AS A THRESHICUTIONER WITH A PSYCHOTIC EPISODE.
CG: I AM KIND OF FREAKING OUT JUST THINKING ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

TA: calm down a 2econd.
CG: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD
TA: kk 2eriieou2ly.
TA: take a deep breath or 2omethiing.

CG: I CAN'T DO THIS.
TA: thii2 ii2 pretty much ju2t a mental block you have two get around. iif you hiide your blood and they fiind out later, theyll cull you 2o fa2t you wont even feel iit.
TA: ii mean 2eriiou2ly, they 2end 2ubjugglator2 after people for 2hiit liike that.
TA: 2o you pretty much ju2t have two force your2elf two get iit out iin the open.

CG: WAIT, HIDE MY BLOOD?
CG: FOR A BLOOD TEST? HOW ON ALTERNIA WOULD I EVEN DO THAT, DON'T BE AN IDIOT.

TA: youre the iidiiot, iit ii2 totally po22iible two fake out a blood te2t.
CG: OH RIGHT, I'LL JUST MAGICALLY CHANGE MY BLOOD COLOR WHEN NO ONE'S LOOKING, THAT'S BRILLIANT.
CG: AND BY BRILLIANT I MEAN STUPID.

TA: there2 drug2 you can take two change your blood color, a22hole.
TA: get 2choolfed, oh my god.

CG: WHAT.
CG: REALLY?

TA: ...oh my god.
CG: WHY WAS THAT NOT THE VERY FIRST THING OUT OF YOUR UGLY OVERBITE THE MINUTE I TOLD YOU I WAS WORRIED ABOUT THE BLOOD TEST?
TA: oh my god kk ii diidnt mean two tell you that!
TA: you 2eriou2ly cant take chromomiine, iit ii2 iillegal a2 fuck.

CG: CHROMOMINE, HUH?
TA: god dammiit why diid ii 2ay that!
TA: iim 2o 2tupiid!
TA: you dont know what that 2hiit doe2 two you.
TA: there wa2 a red-blooded guy iin my neiighborhood who wa2 taking iit two make hi2 blood look yellow, that2 how ii found out about iit iin the fiir2t place.
TA: you want me two de2criibe all the way2 iin whiich iit wa2 2lowly kiilliing hiim?
TA: ii mean 2opor only rot2 your miind, thii2 2tuff leave2 your braiin alone and rot2 the re2t of you.

CG: OK STOP IT, THAT'S DISGUSTING.
CG: IT WAS JUST A QUESTION, DON'T GO OFF ON SOME RANT ABOUT IT.
CG: I GET IT, I AM NO LONGER EVEN CONSIDERING IT, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?

TA: ii gue22.
TA: eheh, not liike you could get iit anyway.
TA: ii doubt you know a dealer and the only one2 who can buy iit legally are iindiigo2 and up.

CG: SEE, WHY WERE YOU EVEN WORRIED?
CG: THIS HAS BEEN YET ANOTHER EPISODE OF "SOLLUX MAKES A HUGE FUCKING DEAL OUT OF SOMETHING STUPID."

TA: tune iin next week two 2ee kk get hii2 a22 handed two hiim by the mothergrubbiing ma2ter encryptrooper.
CG: FUCK THAT, THRESHICUTIONERS BEAT ENCRYPTROOPERS EVERY TIME.
TA: briing iit, biig2hot.
TA: ii'll be coveriing your 2orry a22 from orbiit.

CG: GREAT, BECAUSE I'LL BE THE ONE WITH THE MEDAL SO SHINY YOU CAN SEE IT FROM SPACE.
CG: ANYWAY, THIS CONVERSATION HAS BEEN A HUGE WASTE OF TIME.
CG: I SHOULD BE IN MY RECUPERACOON RIGHT NOW RESTING UP FOR THE RECRUITINATORS AND SO SHOULD YOU.

TA: what, youre not 2tiill fliippiing your 2hiit about the whole blood thiing?
CG: NO, I
CG: I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT, IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL.
CG: I JUST HAVE TO SHOW IT THIS ONE TIME AND THEN IT'LL BE OVER.

TA: whatever you 2ay, kk.
TA: weve got the 2ame recruiitiing outpo2t, 2o ii can alway2 be there two hold your hand iif you cluckbea2t out liike a wiiggler.

CG: SOLLUX.
CG: SINCE WE'LL PROBABLY NEVER SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN AFTER TONIGHT, I WANT TO END THIS RELATIONSHIP ON A HIGH NOTE.
CG: FUCK.
CG: YOU.

TA: eheheheheheh!

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

 

 

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT]

adiosToreador [AT] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

AT: hELP,
TC: WhAt iS Up, My mOtHeRfUcKiNg bRoThEr?
TC: SuRe iS EaRlY FoR YoU To bE AlL Up aNd aBoUt, I CaN StIlL SeE ThE SuN SeTtInG.
TC: YoU EvEr wAtCh tHe sUn sEt oUt oVeR ThE OcEaN? HoW DoEs iT EvEn mAkE AlL ThOsE MoThErFuCkInG CoLoRs?

AT: i, uHH, dON'T REALLY KNOW THE, sCIENTIFIC REASON,
AT: bUT I THINK YOU'RE PROBABLY, gOING TO TELL ME IT'S MIRACLES,

TC: WhOoOoOoAh
TC: YoU AlL WeNt aNd rEaD My mOtHeRfUcKiNg tHiNk pAn, BrO!

AT: iT WAS MOSTLY JUST LOGIC, bECAUSE, uM,
AT: yOU USUALLY SAY IT'S MIRACLES,
AT: aND I GUESS I JUST, kIND OF KNOW WHEN TO EXPECT IT,

TC: ThAt sHiT'S A PrEtTy cHiLl mOtHeRfUcKiNg tRiCk!
TC: HoNk! :o)
TC: So wHaT DiD YoU WaNt mE To bE AlL Up aNd hElPiNg yOu wItH?

AT: wELL,
AT: i WAS IN MY RECUPERACOON, uH, sLEEPING I GUESS,
AT: bECAUSE THE RECRUITINATORS ARE COMING TONIGHT,

TC: ThAt wAs aLl bEiNg tOnIgHt?
AT: yES,
AT: aND I GUESS IT'S IMPORTANT TO BE, uH, wELL RESTED, iF I WANT TO BE A CAVALREAPER AND NOT GET CULLED,
AT: aND THE NEXT THING I KNEW I WAS, sORT OF, cRAWLING OVER TO MY COMPUTER,
AT: aGAINST MY WILL,
AT: aND VRISKA WAS MESSAGING ME AND SAYING, sHE LOVED ME,
AT: aND SHE HAD TO TELL ME, bEFORE I GOT CULLED FOR BEING CRIPPLED,
AT: aND I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY SO I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING,
AT: wHICH MADE HER ANGRY, i THINK, bECAUSE SHE BLOCKED ME AND, uH, lOGGED OFF,
AT: aND NOW I'M KIND OF FEARING FOR MY LIFE,

TC: HoW DoEs tHaT EvEn wOrK, aLl tHoSe cOlOrS?
TC: LiKe tHeY'Re aLl jUsT MaDe oUtTa pUrE MoThErFuCkInG LiGhT.

AT: i DON'T THINK YOU'RE ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO BE, uM, sTARING AT IT LIKE THAT,
TC: OoOoOoH SoRrY MoThErFuCkEr, I SpAcEd fOr a mInUtE ThErE! WhAt's tHaT ShIt yOu wErE AlL Up aNd sHaRiNg?
AT: iT'S FINE, i CAN JUST WAIT WHILE YOU SCROLL UP AND READ WHAT I WROTE,
TC: AwWw mY BrO, hArSh. :o(
TC: I DoN'T KnOw wHaT To eVeN Be dOiNg aBoUt aLl tHaT.

AT: i THOUGHT, yOU PROBABLY WOULDN'T,
AT: sO I GUESS I JUST, wANTED TO TELL SOMEONE ABOUT IT,
AT: iT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER BECAUSE, i WON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH HER ANYMORE AFTER TONIGHT,
AT: oNE WAY OR ANOTHER,
AT: i HOPE I DON'T GET CULLED BECAUSE, i'VE BEEN PRACTICING MY JOUSTING A LOT AND I THINK I HAVE A LOT OF, uH, sKILL,
AT: aND YOU DON'T REALLY NEED LEGS TO RIDE A MOUNT,
AT: sO SHE'S PROBABLY WRONG ABOUT THAT,

TC: If yOuR MoThErFuCkInG JoUsTiNg iS As sLiCk aS YoUr bEaTs, I WoUlDn't wOrRy aBoUt iT, mY MoThErFuCkEr.
AT: i'M PRETTY GOOD AT IT,
TC: HoNk. :o)
AT: hA HA, hONK, }:o)
AT: yOU'RE RIGHT, i SHOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT,
AT: i GUESS, nOW THAT I'M AWAKE,
AT: i SHOULD GET PACKED AND, uH, mAKE SURE I HAVE EVERYTHING,
AT: hAVE YOU PACKED YET,

TC: FuCk, My bRoThEr, I FoRgOt iT WaS EvEn tOnIgHt!
TC: It's cHiLl tHoUgH, sUbJuGgLaToRs DoN'T GeT To bE HaViNg aLl tHoSe mOtHeRfUcKiNg mAtErIaL PoSsEsSiOnS.
TC: JuSt tHe sHiRtS On oUr bAcKs, BrO!

AT: oH YEAH, i FORGOT THAT WAS WHAT YOU WANTED TO BE,
AT: eVEN THOUGH I REALLY CAN'T SEE YOU AS A SUBJUGGLATOR, aT ALL,
AT: aRE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO CHANGE YOUR, uH, mIND, tO,
AT: aNYTHING AT ALL THAT ISN'T THAT THING,

TC: HaHaHaHaHa!
AT: yOU COULD, cOME WITH ME AND BE A CAVALREAPER,
TC: YoU DoN'T ChOoSe tHe sUbJuGgLaToRs, mOtHeRfUcKeR.
TC: sUbJuGgLaToRs cHoOsE YoU.
TC: It's sOmEtHiNg dEeP DoWn iNsIdE YoU, lIkE A MoThErFuCkInG CaLlInG. TeLlS YoU WhO YoU ArE.
TC: MiRaClEs, My bRoThEr, HoW DoEs iT EvEn kNoW?

AT: wELL I THINK IT'S PROBABLY NICE TO KNOW, eXACTLY WHO YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE,
TC: GrEaTeSt mIrAcLe oF AlL, mY MoSt hEsItAnT MoThErFuCkEr. :o)
AT: rUFIO IS KIND OF LIKE THAT, i GUESS,
AT: eXCEPT I DON'T THINK HE REALLY KNOWS WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE BECAUSE, i JUST MADE HIM UP,

TC: WeLl fUcK BrO, mAyBe hE'S YoUr wAy oF TeLlInG YoUrSeLf wHaT To mOtHeRfUcKiNg bE!
TC: WhAt's hE SaYiNg?

AT: iF HE WAS A REAL PERSON, wHO COULD ACTUALLY TALK TO ME,
AT: i THINK HE WOULD SAY, nOT TO WORRY ABOUT BEING CULLED, oR ABOUT WHAT VRISKA THINKS
AT: aND TO JUST HAVE FUN AND DO MY BEST,
AT: bECAUSE MY BEST IS ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD, iN THAT PARTICULAR AREA,

TC: SoUnDs tO Me lIkE RuFiO Is a mOtHeRfUcKeR WhO'S ScHoOlFeD AlL Up aNd aBoUt wHaT He's mOtHeRfUcKiNg sAyInG.
TC: HoNk hOnK HoNk! :o)

AT: hONK,
TC: HoOoOoOoOoOnK!
AT: oK, yOU WIN,
TC: CaN'T BeAt mE In a hOnK-OfF, bRoThEr.
TC: WhOoOoOoOoOoAh

AT: uM, wHOA WHAT,
TC: SuN'S DoWn, MoThErFuCkEr.
TC: AnD I Am sEeInG ThE WiCkEd mIrAcLeS, aLl tHe wAy aCrOsS ThE SkY.
TC: ThAt sHiT AiN'T StArS, iT'S ThE ShIpS ThAt tAkE Us oUt tO WhErE ThE MaGiC HaPpEnS.

AT: iS THAT A SPECIFIC PLACE, oR, aRE YOU BEING METAPHORICAL,
TC: NaH, mAgIc's eVeRyWhErE Up iN ThIs bItCh. :o)
AT: oH, oK HAHA,
AT: uH GAMZEE,
AT: i ACTUALLY ALSO AM TALKING TO YOU,
AT: tO SAY GOODBYE, i GUESS,
AT: yOU'RE A REALLY GREAT FRIEND AND, i'LL TRY TO KEEP IN TOUCH WITH YOU AS MUCH AS I CAN, bUT,
AT: yOU CAN'T REALLY CHAT LIKE THIS, mOST OF THE TIME, wHEN YOU'RE OUT IN THE EMPIRE,
AT: uNLESS YOU'RE STATIONED ON THE SAME SHIP, oR, uH, tHE SAME PLANET I GUESS,
AT: aND WE PROBABLY WON'T BE,
AT: sO I WANT TO SAY THAT I REALLY VALUE OUR FRIENDSHIP,
AT: bECAUSE YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN SOMEONE I COULD TALK TO, aND, nOT FEEL BAD ABOUT IT AFTERWARDS,
AT: aND I'LL MISS YOU,
AT: sO,
AT: uHHHHH,
AT: gAMZEE,
AT: aRE YOU STILL THERE,

TC: Oh hEy, I FoRgOt wE WeRe eVeN AlL Up aNd tAlKiNg!
AT: hAHA, tHAT'S OK,
TC: I'Ll mIsS YoU ToO, mOtHeRfUcKeR.
TC: BuT ThIs aIn't rEaLlY GoOdByE! I JuSt gOt a mOtHeRfUcKiNg fEeLiNg aBoUt tHaT ShIt.
TC: I GoTtA Go, KaRkAt's bEeN AlL Up aNd tRoLlInG Me. gUeSs hE WaNtS To aLl bE SaYiNg hIs gOoDbYeS ToO.
TC: HoNk! :o)

AT: hOOOOOONK, }:'o)

terminallyCapricious [TC] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT]

 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

CG: HEY, BEST FRIEND.
CG: I SURE AM GLAD TO HAVE A FRIEND LIKE YOU.

TC: I'M PrEtTy mOtHeRfUcKiNg gLaD ToO, bEsT FrIeNd!
CG: SHUT UP, FUCKASS, THIS IS KIND OF AN EMERGENCY AND I'M IN A HURRY.
CG: YOU STILL HAVE INDIGO BLOOD, RIGHT?

TC: HaHaHaHa, LaSt i sAw tHaT ShIt!
TC: YoU ThInK It mIgHt hAvE ChAnGeD On mE?
TC: FuCk bRoThEr, ShOuLd i cHeCk?

CG: OH MY GOD.
CG: EVERY TIME I TALK TO YOU I REMEMBER HOW ANNOYING YOU ARE.
CG: I OPEN TROLLIAN AND THINK
CG: THERE'S NO WAY HE COULD POSSIBLY BE AS ANNOYING AS I REMEMBER HIM.
CG: AND YOU BLOW MY MIND EVERY TIME.
CG: MOTHERFUCKING MIRACLES.

TC: HoNk! :o)
CG: DON'T START WITH THE CLOWN THING, I DON'T WANT MY LAST MEMORIES OF THIS PLANET TO INVOLVE YOUR CREEPY RELIGIOUS BULLSHIT.
TC: SoOoOoOrY, bRo.
CG: OK, I NEED YOU TO DO ME A FAVOR.
CG: I FIGURE YOU OWE IT TO ME FOR PUTTING UP WITH YOU FOR ALL THESE SWEEPS.

TC: WhAtEvEr yOu nEeD, mOtHeRfUcKeR! YoU JuSt nAmE It.
CG: HOLD ON, THIS IS THE IMPORTANT PART.
CG: I WANT YOU TO SWEAR ON YOUR FREAKISH CLOWN GODS THAT YOU WILL NEVER TELL ANOTHER LIVING SOUL WHAT I'M ABOUT TO ASK YOU.

TC: Ok, YoU GoT It.
CG: NO, I WANT TO SEE YOU TYPE IT. SAY, "I SWEAR ON MY FREAKISH CLOWN GODS THAT I WILL NEVER TELL ANOTHER LIVING SOUL WHAT KARKAT VANTAS IS ABOUT TO ASK ME."
TC: ThAt's kInD Of sAcRiLeGiOuS. I DoN'T ReAlLy fEeL AlL Up aNd cOmFoRtAbLe wItH WoRdInG It aLl lIkE ThAt!
CG: WHATEVER, YOU'LL JUST FORGET LATER ANYWAY LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO. NOW LISTEN.
CG: I NEED YOU TO BUY ME SOMETHING.
CG: IT'S CALLED CHROMOMINE.

 

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

GC: OH SOLLUX
GC: GU3SS WH3R3 1 4M R1GHT NOW
GC: >:]

TA: at your recruiitiing outpo2t?
GC: CLOOOOS3.....
GC: 4LR1GHT TH4T 1S PR3TTY MUCH 1T 3X4CTLY
GC: BUT 1T 1S NOT TH3 4NSW3R 1 4M LOOK1NG FOR!

TA: ok fiine tz ii giive up. where are you?
GC: 1 4M ST4ND1NG ON TH3 D3CK OF TH3 TH3M1S
GC: TH3 TH3M1S SOLLUX
GC: ON3 OF THE GR34T COURT SH1PS OF TH3 4LTERN14N FL33T
GC: 1T 1S 4M4Z1NG
GC: TH3R3 4R3 SO M4NY COLORFUL B4NN3RS HUNG UP 3V3RYWH3R3
GC: 1 COULD JUST ST4ND H3R3 4ND SM3LL 3V3RYTH1NG FOR3V3R!

TA: 2o you diidnt get culled for the bliindne22 thiing then.
GC: OF COURS3 NOT DUMMY
GC: 1 P4SS3D MY 3Y3 3X4M W1TH FLY1NG COLORS
GC: 4ND BY COLORS 1 M34N SM3LLS

TA: yeah ii fiigured you of all people would be fiine.
TA: ii pa22ed my phy2iical two.
TA: ii pretty much went iintwo thi2 thiing thiinkiing ii wa2 goiing two get culled for 2ome 2tupiid mii2take
TA: but about halfway through ii realiized how 2tupiid that wa2 and ju2t went wiith iit.

GC: YOU SUR3 C4N B3 M1ST3R N3G4T1V3 SOM3T1M3S
GC: BUT WHO C4R3S
GC: N3P3T4 W4S 4T MY OUTPOST 4ND SH3 D1D F1N3 TOO

TA: 2he would.
GC: 1 TH1NK TH3 R3CRU1T1N4TORS W3R3 R34LLY 1MPR3SS3D W1TH H3R 4CTU4LLY
GC: 1N TH3 COMB4T T3ST SH3 F1LL3T3D 4 GUY
GC: 3QU1US H4D M3 G1V3 H1M TH3 PL4Y-BY-PL4Y ON H1S HUSKTOP
GC: YOU SHOULD H4V3 T4ST3D H1M GUSH 4BOUT 1T!

TA: gu2h a2 iin...
GC: OH H3H3H3H3H3
GC: GUSH 4S 1N PR41S3 H3R
GC: 1 FORGOT YOU H4V3 TO SP3C1FY W1TH H1M >:\

TA: eew.
GC: BUT W3 4R3 BOTH B34T1NG 4ROUND THE BR14R
GC: 1 TH1NK YOU KNOW 3X4CTLY WHY 1M T4LK1NG TO YOU >8D

TA: nope, no iidea.
GC: Y3S YOU DO!
GC: 1 H4PP3N TO KNOW TH4T YOU 4ND 4 C3RT41N K4RK4T V4NT4S 4R3 4T TH3 S4M3 OUTPOST
GC: SOOOO....???

TA: no iidea what you want from me here tz eheheheh.
GC: OH YOU TH1NK YOU 4R3 SO FUNNY
TA: you know iit2 funny admiit iit.
TA: you are 2o de2perate two know but you are never goiing two a2k.

GC: T3LL M3 M1ST3R 4PPLEB3RRY BL4ST
TA: tell you what?
TA: ii 2tiill dont know what youre talkiing about.
TA: eheheheheheheheheh!

GC: OK4Y F1N3 1 W1LL 4SK
GC: D1D YOU S33 H1S BLOOD T3ST?????? >:?

TA: maybe.
GC: SOLLUX DO YOU R34LLY W4NT TO US3 OUR V3RY L4ST CONV3RS4T1ON 3V3R TO T34S3 M3 L1K3 TH1S
TA: 2ure ii do.
TA: you diid thii2 two me pretty much my entiire liife, thii2 ii2 my la2t opportuniity two get back at you.
TA: am ii beiing two mean? ii am arent ii.
TA: 2hiit, and thii2 ii2 goiing two be the la2t thiing you ever remember me 2ayiing two you.
TA: way two go, 2ollux.

GC: OH WOULD YOU STOP TH4T
GC: YOU W3R3 DO1NG SO W3LL 1 W4S PROUD OF YOUR T34S1NG PROW3SS
GC: 4FT3R 4LL YOU D1D L34RN FROM TH3 B3ST >;]

TA: heh.
GC: YOU H4V3 DON3 W3LL YOUNG JUMP1NG1NS3CT
GC: R3M3MB3R TO N3V3R US3 YOUR POW3RS FOR 3V1L
GC: UNL3SS SOM3BODY R34LLY D3S3RV3S 1T

TA: can do tz.
GC: NOW T3LL M3 1 4M DY1NG TO KNOW
GC: WH4T
GC: COLOR
GC: 1S
GC: H1S
GC: BLOOD!!!

TA: heh ok ii diid 2ee iit.
TA: for you, tz.
TA: and ii cant beliieve he2 been fliippiing out about iit for all the2e 2weep2.

GC: >:?
TA: iit2 yellow.
GC: Y3LLOW
GC: G1V3 M3 D3T41LS
GC: L3MON Y3LLOW OR YUMMY B4N4N4 Y3LLOW OR YUCKY MUST4RD L1K3 YOU KNOW WHO

TA: a liittle biit briighter than miine, ii gue22 he2 kiind of clo2e two green.
TA: iit2 completely normal, not even a weiird 2hade of iit or anythiing.

GC: W3LL
GC: 1 D1D NOT 3XP3CT TH4T 4T 4LL!

TA: ii know, he made 2uch a biig deal about iit youd thiink iit would at lea2t be 2omethiing weiird.
TA: he wa2 pretty much hyperventiilatiing the whole tiime they were te2tiing iit.

GC: 1 GU3SS H3 W4S JUST US3D TO H1D1NG 1T
GC: 4ND B31NG SP3C14L B3C4US3 NOBODY KN3W
GC: HMMMMMM SOM3TH1NG SM3LLS V3RY F1SHY 4BOUT TH1S
GC: BUT 1T 1S PROB4BLY JUST ON3 OF TH3S3 LOV3LY B4NN3RS
GC: TH4NK YOU SOLLUX 1M GL4D 1 GOT TO F1ND OUT

TA: no problem tz.
TA: my 2hiip2 leaviing now, were probably goiing two get cut off iin a miinute.

GC: QU1CK SOLLUX TH1NK OF TH3 L4ST TH1NG YOU 3V3R W4NT TO S4Y TO M3 4ND S4Y 1T
TA: tz pyrope you are bat2hiit iin2ane.
GC: SOLLUX C4PTOR 1 C4N B4R3LY UND3RST4ND 4 WORD YOU TYP3

 

AC: :33 < *ac says equius, you had better behave yourself when i'm not there to k33p an eye on you!*
CT: D --> I will do my best, Nepeta

CT: D --> Aradia, i have always harbored certain... feelings for you
AA: i d0nt really care

TC: I'Ll bE AlL SeEiNg yOu aGaIn iN A CoUpLe sWeEpS, mY MoThErFuCkEr. i jUsT KnOw iT. :o)
CG: OH GOD I HOPE NOT.

AG: Has anyone heard if that wimp Tavros got culled or not????????

AT: cOULD EVERYBODY MAYBE NOT TELL VRISKA WHETHER I, uH, gOT CULLED OR NOT,

GA: Hes Fine Vriska You Can Start Breathing Again

CA: gentlemen set course for the condesces starship
CA: fef has a fuckin empire to rule

CC: T)(IS IS SO ------EXCITING!!!