Disclaimer: This is a purely fan-made piece that is using the world and characters from Masashi Kishimoto’s Naruto and is made entirely for enjoyment. No financial gain has been made in the making of this piece
Summary: A package is delivered. Chaos and Kiba ensue.
Author’s Note: Written for Kiterie. Possible out-of characterness
Constructive Criticism is always welcomed
Published: 30 December 2009
Kiba stared at it. “What the fuck!” He yelped.
Shino looked impassive. “Kiba. What is that?”
“How the fuck should I know! That blond BIMBO—”
“Um, Kiba-kun?” Hinata tried to interrupt nervously.
“—Just showed up with it and told me to ‘get pictures’!”
“Exactly! Just ‘cuz she’s got some stupid-assed plan to get—”
“Kiba-kun,” Hinata tried again.
“—Her fuckin’ fix from me doesn’t mean that I know what the fuck that is!”
Hinata took Kiba’s pause to take a breath as a chance to try for a third time. “Kiba-kun.”
“Yeah? What izzit, Hina-chan?”
“It’s…it’s not…it’s not for you.”
“What the hell do you mean?! Ino-kun said that it was!”
“The name on the card is smudged,” Shino said as he plucked the card off of the…whatever it was. “But that does not look like your name.”
“It’s too messy to—”
“There are clearly more letters being used than are in your name.”
“—Yeah, well, screw Ino, too! Damn fan girl…” Kiba paused. “If it ain’t for me, than who’zit for? And why did Ino say that it was?”
“Um, well,” Hinata nervously tapped her fingers together. “I, um, think it’s for…well, me.”
“WHAT?! Who the hell is trying to muscle their way into Hina-chan’s heart?! They have to go through me first!”
“There is NO WAY I’m gonna let jus’ anyone get to date Hina-chan! Akamaru!”
The dog whufed out an agreement and sniffed the package.
“Kiba.” Shino sounded patient.
“Yeah? What izzit?”
“Have you even asked Hina-chan if she’s interested in dating anyone?”
Kiba paused mid-rant and blinked. “What? Why?”
Shino made a slight long-suffering noise. “Because if Hina-chan wants to date someone, it really doesn’t matter what you think, now does it? You should make sure that she wants this person’s attention before you start threatening people.”
Kiba thought about this for a moment. “I guess you’re right,” he grumbled. “Hina-chan, is there anyone you don’t wanna date but they might wanna date you an’ can I beat the crap outta ‘em for not goin’ away for you?”
Hinata smiled. “If someone like that…come around, you’ll…you’ll be the first to know.”
Mollified for the moment, Kiba looked at the thing. “Who sent it, Akamaru?”
“I know Ino had it! She’s the one who brought it here!”
“Fine, establish a timeline if that makes you happy!”
Shino handed Hinata the card and watched impassively as she opened it.
Kiba laughed uproariously. “That’s ‘scactly what I think, too!”
Hinata flushed a pretty red and stuffed the card back into the envelop. “I…I…IthinkKurenai-sensei’scoming!”
Shine raised an eyebrow. “That good?” He asked wryly.
Kiba looked at the two of them. “What? What’d I miss?”
“Never mind,” Shino said dryly. “Why did Ino-kun think it was for you?”
“I dunno. ‘Maru says Shikamaru-kun had it before that Bimbo did.”
“Nara Shikamaru? Ah.”
“What’s THAT supposed to mean, huh?”
“Nothing. Simply that it explains a few things.”
Kiba looked at his friends. “What’d I miss?” He asked suspiciously.
Hinata tapped her forefingers together nervously. “You…you already know.”
He scowled. “Does this have something to do with the increased amount of hormones comin’ off of that lazy bum?”
“Well, I d-d-don’t know that I would call it—”
“Yes,” Shino said blandly.
“Okay.” Kiba appeared satisfied for the moment. He looked at Hinata. “Well? Ain’t you gonna open it?”
She flushed darker. “Um…I…I really don’t think…”
“No, she’s not. Not with us here.” Shino snagged Kiba’s sleeve and dragged him out the door. “Hina-chan, we will see you tomorrow morning at the usual training field.”
“HEY! HEY! HINA-CHAN, IF IT’S ANYTHING DIRTY, I’LL KILL HIM! HEAR ME?! I’ll KILL HIM!”
“The whole village did.”
“Yeah, well, she’s only got us to protect her! We hafta make sure that she’s safe and some jackass doesn’t go an’ break her heart! An’ we hafta make sure he’ll treat her like a queen. And that she’s getting’ the best. An’—”
“Kiba. I know.”
“Right. She’s only gonna get the best.”
There was a small commotion in the restaurant. Ino stumbled out, waving at them and Sakura peered over the blonde girl’s shoulder, unobtrusively holding a camera.
“Sooooooo…” Ino grinned that insane, obsessive smile of hers. “Like what you got?”
“The package was for Hina-chan,” Shino droned impassively.
The smile slid off of both girls’ faces. “No way,” Sakura breathed.
“That’s not true!” Ino squared her feet and put her hands on her hips. “I got it from—”
“—Who probably got it from someone else.” Shino interrupted, sounding almost bored.
“Bet you didn’t think of that, didja?” Kiba said. He knew there was something in Ino’s behaviours (and Sakura’s camera), but if there was one thing he had learned from observing them, there were things that he didn’t really want to think too deeply on. This clearly was one of those things.
Akamaru snuffed and sat down, scratching his ear vigorously. White bits of fur went flying everywhere.
“Ew! Gah! Kiba-kun! Make Akamaru stop it!” Ino screeched, trying to ward off the barrage of dog hairs.
Kiba laughed uproariously. How the hell that girl ever became a ninja, he had no idea, especially since such little things grossed her out.
“Mah, Ino, keep it down,” a bored voice drawled from inside the restaurant. “People are trying to enjoy their food here.”
“And what do you mean by THAT?”
“He means you’re puttin’ people offa their food!” Kiba announced gleefully.
Kiba thought nothing of it. He waved energetically and ran down the street, laughing as Akamaru loped alongside him, tongue hanging out happily.
Ino glared harder. Kiba was so going to regret that.
Kiba knew he was in trouble when he couldn’t find his pants. He knew that he was in even more trouble when he heard a faint booming noise and smelled the faint wisps of gunpowder.
He really wished that Sakura’s cable would get pulled. Then maybe she’d stop watching those stupid Samurai-gun shows and getting stupid ideas.
He’d get the idiot who sold her the gunpowder later. First, he had to get a pair of pants. Then he had to do something equally terrible to Sakura and Ino. Only after that could he get the gunpowder moron.
He growled. He might have to get Shino involved for some of this. Shino was much better at these kinds of things.
But first. Pants.
Kiba whistled and Akamaru loped up, tongue lolling.
“Shut up! It’s not that funny! Get over here!”
Akamaru barked, but obligingly stood on the bank so Kiba could use him as a shield.
Gods. Kiba was never going to live this down, he just knew it! He was never going to hear the end of this one. What kind of ninja was he, not noticing that Ino (or Sakura or whoever) had stolen his pants while he was swimming?
Fuck. He hated that bitch.
A clearing opened in front of him and he breathed a sigh of relief. Shikamaru was lying in the centre, staring at the clouds.
Shikamaru was a good guy; he’d help a friend in need.
A pony tail rose slightly. “Tch, what is it now?”
“Help me out here, will ya?”
The pony tail raised a little higher. “Kiba? What…” he faded out. “Ino?”
“Yeah, damn blonde stole my pants!”
“…Do I even want to know?” Shikamaru grumbled, but got up. He gave Kiba a long look.
Kiba tried breathing through his mouth because the air had suddenly gotten very thick with smells he’d rather not think about right now.
“What do you want?” Shikamaru asked, voice half an octave lower than normal.
“Pants. Clothing. To kill Ino and her little posse. But I’ll settle for just the pants right now.”
“I’m not giving you mine,” Shikamaru drawled. “I could go and find you some. Or I can loan you my shirt until you find a pair.”
“Shirt,” Kiba said after a moment of contemplation. At least then he wouldn’t have to worry about people coming up from behind or Akamaru getting distracted.
The lazy genius peeled off his vest and then stripped off his shirt, tossing it at Kiba. “If you cut it half, you can make it into a sort of loin cloth skirt,” he noted, voice still lower than normal and without only the smallest amount of boredom in his voice.
Kiba paused. “You okay with me shreddin’ it?”
“I did suggest it, didn’t I. Besides,” Shikamaru adjusted his mesh undershirt as he put his vest back on. “It’ll give that troublesome woman something to complain about that’s not my marital status.”
“Man, I so owe you one! You just name something and bam! I’ll do what I can!” Kiba made quick work of the shirt and tied the sleeves together around his hips.
“Hey! Don’t talk about that sort of stuff here!” Kiba glared at his dog.
The large dog whined a little bit, and then trotted off to sniff a few trees.
“Hey, you’re a genius. What do you think I should do to Ino?”
“Mheh, I don’t know. When she gets mad, she makes my life difficult,” Shikamaru grumbled. “Anyhow, I owe her right now.”
“How the hell did you get in her debt?” Damn, maybe Shikamaru wasn’t such a genius after all.
“She…arranged some things for me, in a rather…ingenious way. Apparently, she can be rather resourceful when she wants something.”
“Whatever. Hey, I’m gonna go get some real clothes, okay? I’ll pay you back later!”
“Are you doing anything this evening?”
Kiba scratched his head and then pulled the shirt back up when it slipped a little. “Dunno. ‘Sumin’ that I’m done wit’ Ino at that point…don’t think much, why?”
Shikamaru shrugged slightly and put his hands in his pockets. “Thought you might want to go out for ramen or barbeque or sushi or something.”
“You wanna go out? Sure, I guess.”
“What?” Kiba squawked. “He does not!”
“Dumb dog,” he grumbled. Then—because it was Akamaru who said something—Kiba narrowed his eyes and asked “it ain’t a date, izzit?”
“Could be.” Shikamaru was still watching him a bit too intently. “I figured that I’d broach it slowly.”
Kiba snorted. “You don’t get nuthin’ by goin’ slowly, dumbass. I thought you were some fuckin’ genius or sumthin’!” He stalked up to the Nara. “You hafta go for it!”
“If you insist.”
Faster than Kiba thought the lazy bastard could move, Shikamaru grabbed Kiba’s face and kissed him, hard.
Okay, Kiba had walked right into that one.
And he really should have figured out that Shikamaru was in heat for him a long time ago.
Guess he had to make up for some lost time, then.
He vaguely heard Akamaru pad off to give them a little more privacy.
“So,” Shikamaru breathed across his mouth. “Dinner. Date. Make-out session. Tonight.”
“Okay,” Kiba agreed and closed the distance between them.
For being such a lazy bastard, Shikamaru certainly knew how to expend energy.
Only Akamaru’s loud announcement of people approaching could force Kiba to pry himself off of the Nara and take his hands out from unzippered vest.
Hinata took one look at them and started blushing terribly.
Shino looked---well, the same. He might have paused for a moment longer than he normally would have, but he was always one to take things in stride. “Kiba. Why were your pants shot out of a cannon from the top of the Hokage Monument?”
Kiba rubbed the back of his neck. “Long story. But it’s Ino-kun’s fault! Hey, wanna help me take her down a notch or summin’?”
Hinata braided her fingers together. “We…um, we…webroughtyouyourpants!” She blurted out. “Didn’tmeanttointerruptyou!”
“Pants!” Kiba reached for them and suddenly found that he couldn’t move. “What the fuck!”
“He’ll need them later, but not now.” Shikamaru drawled. “Come back in, oh, two hours.”
Hinata’s face reach a shade of red that had been previously undiscovered until that moment.
Part of Shino’s face might have twitched, but it was hard to tell. “Of course,” he said blandly. “We’ll come back then.” He caught the girl’s arm and steered her away.
“Hey! Bring back my pants! What the fuck were you thinkin’?! Those are my favourite pair!”
“I already told you that you don’t need them now.” Shikamaru kissed him to stop him from protesting further. “You can get them later.” Another purposeful kiss. “Much later.”
“…okay.” Pants might be overrated, anyhow.