Your name is Calvin Walker. When not spending your time researching things for your papers at University, you often spend most of your time fantasising about playing video games back at home. You also like playing guitar, practicing karate, and going on the internet to read web-comics.
You take pride in your Dutch ancestry, though you don’t always act all Dutch. You went to Amsterdam once, so you argue that’s when you really became interested in your Dutch heritage. You are also a Canadian, but unlike other Canadians, you’re not all that interested in any sports, including Lacrosse and Hockey. You still love to eat poutine, though. God, that shit is delicious.
As mentioned before, you go to University, specifically to study for Political Science. You find politics a fascinating thing to study, if complex and somewhat difficult to fully comprehend compared to your other, more political-minded friends. As a result of your studies so far, you are strongly opposed to anyone proclaiming any solid ‘truth’ about anything, since it is not an easy thing to understand the world with absolute certainty. This has more often than not contributed to your difficulty to get along well with others.
This might also have played a part in how your day has taken a turn for the worse ever since you opened your eyes. You’ve been fighting your way through annoyance after annoyance for the last couple of hours, mostly concerned with people trying to convince you to play this bullshit game while the word is burning to the ground.
You downloaded the damn thing last night in a drunken stupor and the image on your screen right now isn’t really helping your mood.
TR: GOD FUCKING DAMNIT
KM: what’s wrong this time?
TR: I CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE THIS
KM: you’re being a dick again.
KM: turn off caps lock for a minute and tell me what’s going on.
TR: Will you STOP patronising me?
TR: I’m not entirely sure if you’re aware of this, but I’m NOT taking this nearly as well as all of you
TR: A LITTLE BIT of concern for me would be really nice
KM: alright fine.
KM: what’s going on?
TR: The game is going on
TR: Well, actually, no
TR: The game is NOT going on
KM: man, an hour ago you would’ve been so happy with that.
KM: what changed?
TR: Thank you SO MUCH for pointing that out to me
TR: I REALLY appreciate it
TR: Point being, it isn’t working
TR: Whatever fucking file I downloaded is corrupted and isn’t going to work
KM: oh crap.
KM: can you get another one?
TR: I can TRY to download it again
TR: But I don’t think it’ll do me any good
KM: is there a game store nearby or something?
TR: That’s open during a METEOR SHOWER?
TR: That would be a really DEDICATED BUSINESSMAN
KM: stop doing that!
KM: you need to get a copy of the game as soon as possible!
KM: steal it if you have to!
KM: you’re supposed to save my life here!
TR: Let me get RIGHT ON that
TR: It’s nice to see how your morals hold up under duress
KM: calvin shut the hell up.
KM: i don’t even.
KM: why are you doing this to me?
KM: just a minute ago you were bitching about efficient time management or something stupid and now you’re doing this?
KM: i can’t even deal with this right now.
TR: I’m just saying we could’ve found out about this A LOT EARLIER if you’d let me play as soon as I was ready
KM: don’t you even dare blame this on me calvin.
KM: i’m going to ask ol to be my server and you can go do your own thing.
KM: maybe ask es to be your server and you can play hero for ol if she wants you.
TR: I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO START FIXING THIS!
TR: WHAT CAN I EVEN DO HERE?
TR: I’M ON CAMPUS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD
TR: I just
TR: Good luck with OL, I guess
KM: calvin, i’m sorry.
KM: can you ask someone to help you?
TR: I don’t know
TR: My roommate left a little while ago saying something about taking care of some shit
TR: I don’t even know what that guy is doing
TR: Probably found some shelter like a sane person
KM: can you go find him, at least?
TR: I guess I’ll have to go outside anyway
TR: This is such a stupid as fuck idea I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore
TR: And yeah I guess I was being mean, so sorry about that
KM: your apology has been noted and is being reviewed for acceptance.
KM: getting your ass in gear will look really good on your resume.
TR: I get it, alright?
TR: I’m going
KM: good luck.
-- tyrannosaurusRock [TR] ceased pestering killerMedic [KM] --
Maybe your roommate even thought ahead and already went to find you a copy of the game. You know, to make things easier. You seriously doubt this is the case, however.
Because the universe despises you, and won't let you do anything sensible anyway.
Before you go out and find him, though, you’re going to bring the guy who started this whole mess up to speed.
-- tyrannosaurusRock [TR] began pestering eccentricStyle [ES] --
TR: Peter, I would like to thank you
TR: For being such a great friend and sending me this copy of the game that will allow me to apparently save my life
TR: No matter how little sense that makes in any context whatsoever
TR: There is just one little thing I’d like to complain about
TR: It’s not much really, but I thought you should know this
TR: THE GODDAMN THING DOESN’T WORK!
TR: Now not only did I let myself get convinced not to SAVE MY LIFE in any sane fashion
TR: I’m also apparently doomed to die because the guy who GOT ME INTO THIS in the first place send me A BROKEN FUCKING COPY
TR: THANK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH
ES: It’s nice to hear from you again, too, Calvin.
ES: Yes, I am fine.
ES: Yes, I survived certain doom because Kyrianne and I are badass.
ES: Thank you very much for your concern for my well being.
TR: THIS IS NOT FUNNY
TR: I AM ABOUT TO DIE HERE
ES: Oh dear.
ES: Let me drop everything and pop right back into our original dimension without any obvious means to do so to help you out.
ES: Because that’s apparently exactly how cool you think I am.
ES: I am flattered, really.
TR: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT?
ES: Dear God it’s really annoying how out of the loop you are.
ES: I know, you can’t help it, and I’m sorry.
ES: But I’m pretty sure I don’t understand half of what’s going on right now.
ES: It’s frustrating as all hell and it doesn’t look like it’s going to end soon.
TR: This is hell, isn’t it?
ES: If it is, I want my money back.
ES: I was told it’d be entirely different.
ES: Warmer, for one.
ES: And less infected with annoying little things that try to kill you.
ES: Okay, that part might’ve been somewhat accurate.
TR: None of that made ANY damn sense
TR: I hope you’re aware of that
TR: Actually I think you’ve lost your mind
ES: Welcome to crazy town.
ES: Population: six and counting!
ES: Now, you get to finding a good version of the game.
ES: I have to try out this new stick.
ES: You will not believe how much glass this thing cost to make.
TR: That’s the laugh of WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?
ES: Good luck, Calvin.
ES: You will need it!
-- eccentricStyle [ES] ceased pestering tyrannosaurusRock [TR] --
Did... did he just piss you off? You think he pissed you off, but you really have no idea what the hell just happened. You’re just confused and you’re pretty sure he’s actually completely crazy.
Or maybe you are and this is just some crazy illusion, or something. Maybe you haven’t even waken up yet? Haha, that would be funny.
Yeah, fuck that noise, you’re not about to turn into a solipsist right now. You’re just going to find your roommate and sort this shit out, because you desperately need someone real and at least slightly sane to talk to.
Speaking of the exact opposite...
-- obfuscatingLogician [OL] began pestering tyrannosaurusRock [TR] --
OL: hey TR
OL: so i heard youre in some really deep shit
OL: like mariana trench levels of deep shit
TR: There’s not even a question mark there
OL: dude calm your tits
OL: im here to offer you reassurances
OL: like all this its going to be alright sappy kind of bullshit
OL: got word of your little fucked up game problem
OL: wont even tell you who told me because fuck that
OL: seriously though its totally going to be cool
OL: lets face it all of us are way too badass to be thwarted at stage fucking 1
OL: i scoff at the thought
OL: britishly scoff so you know im being really goddamn serious
TR: appreciate the thought?
TR: I guess?
OL: looks like youve got shit to do n shit
-- obfuscatingLogician [OL] ceased pestering tyrannosaurusRock [TR] --
You’re just going to go find your roommate now and nothing is going to interrupt you anymore and it’ll be all cool and chill and he’ll help you out of this somehow.
The door falls shut behind you and the hallway’s actually empty. There’s not a soul to be seen or heard, which is kind of unnerving.
Hold on a sec, did you bring your keys? You did bring your keys, right?
OH COME ON!