UC: ES, calm down.
UC: You have work to do, remember.
ES: I’ll go check that Lathe thing.
UC: Don’t forget the card!
You watch Peter go up and play with the device you put in his room, the floating head of Petey still following him. You’re very much relieved that the little bird’s okay, for whatever the hell passes as okay right now. Peter looks like he’s about to be sick, though.
“Kyrianne, the cookies are finished,” your mom says.
“I’m kind of busy here mom!” you yell back.
“Sure you could spare half a minute for me?”
You sigh, as loud as you possibly can to make sure she hears it, then get up and walk to the kitchen. “Alright mom, I’m he-“
You find yourself rudely interrupted as something round flies right past you and buries itself in the wall behind you. You immediately take cover behind the doorway and notice that the round object still stuck in the wall is, in fact, a cookie.
“What the fuck mom?!”
This is answered by another cookie flying in your general direction.
“Are you insane?!”
“That’s not a nice thing to say to your mother, and no, I’m not.”
“Then what the hell is this?”
“I have to make sure you’re ready.”
“Ready for what!?”
“For the trials of the game.”
“And that involves throwing cookies at me!?”
Apparently, it does, because there are now three stuck in the wall.
Well, that just about does it. You grab your awesomely epic toy scythe and get ready to fight your mother in a duel to the death.
Well, okay, maybe you’re not going that far. You hope she isn’t too serious about this.
And that she’s ready to get her ass handed to her on one of her silver plates.
You sneak up to the corner of the door and try to take a peek.
“I can still hear you,” she says. Well, so much for that plan. Time for a different approach.
“How do you have cookies that stick into walls?”
“Family recipe, dear, I might teach you one day.”
“Can you even eat those?”
Crunch. Great, they’re crunchy cookies, even. You hate those things. “They taste really nice, actually.” She’d say that.
Wait for it. Crunch and you’re around the corner, rushing behind the table before she gets a chance to react.
“That was pretty smart of you,” your mother says and you are half tempted to say ‘thank you’ before you remember that she really is supposed to be your enemy here. Crunch. “Although you’ve kind of trapped yourself behind that table.”
“Yeah, but you can’t get to me, unless you want a scythe in your body.” Okay, that actually sounded pretty bad-ass.
“So we’re locked in an epic stalemate.” Crunch. “Luckily, I’ve got food to keep me alive.” Fuck.
Or, maybe not. “Yeah, and when you run out of food, you run out weapons.” Crunch. “That’s why most people don’t use their weapons as food. I’m pretty sure that’s in the Art of War somewhere.”
It’s quiet, then. For a long time, even, only broken by your mom’s constant crunches.
That is a very good question, actually. “Uhm? You could give up, I guess?” you suggest.
“While I have you pinned down?”
“How are you going to talk me into that?”
“Because I’m your daughter and you should be nice to me?”
“Yeah, I didn’t think that would work.”
“You could give up,” your mother says.
“Would you let me?”
“That’s a good point.” Crunch. “How many cookies do I have left, Kyrianne?”
“How should I know?”
“Wait, you weren’t paying attention?”
“I was kind of busy dodging them, actually.” Okay, three in the wall. At least nine crunches, which probably means she has eaten four and a half, or something. That’s eight gone. “How many did you make?”
“I could say eight.” Crunch. “But then you’d know I’m lying.”
Well, that’s just great. She could be lying, anyway.
“Ten.” More like twelve, then.
Huh, knowing you can’t trust someone is actually kind of refreshing. Let’s see where you can go with this. Sneak closer? That sure as hell didn’t work last time. Charge out there like an idiot? Actually that might not really be a bad idea.
After all, your mom would never see it coming.
The first cookie misses you completely and by the time she can grab the second one your scythe has connected with her plate and sent all remaining ones flying. There were, in fact, three left. You stand in triumph before the plate itself connects with your face and you fall to the ground.
“That fucking hurt, mom!” you say, rubbing your cheek.
“You haven’t won until you’ve won, Kyrianne,” your mom replies in what is probably the most cryptic bullshit you have ever heard and you’ve been talking to DI and yeah maybe she’s right. “Now let’s get you something to cool that.”
A little while later, you’re sitting at the table with a bag of ice against your cheek. It has stopped hurting, at least.
“That didn’t go half bad, did it?” your mom says.
“Easy for you to say,” you shoot back. “You’re not hurt.”
“Well, you ruined a couple of really good cookies.”
Crunch. Okay, so with milk they might even be good cookies.
“Are you alright?”
“I’m fine, mom.”
“Then I’m wrong in thinking you’ve got a friend that’s-“ You don’t even hear the rest of it.
-- annoyingDutchie [AD] began pestering unorthodoxCreation [UC] at 12:59 --
AD: are you there?
AD: come on!
AD: Peters meteor just hit and hes not answering
AD: that sounds really stupid
AD: please tell me youre still here?
UC: Oh God I’m so sorry.
AD: is he okay?
AD: please tell me he’s okay.
UC: Hold on let me check.
You switch to your SBURB window and see Peter’s house, perfectly fine.
UC: Are you sure the meteor hit?
AD: yeah im sure the dot went red
AD: im not stupid
UC: Im just saying his house is a-ok
AD: how do you know that
UC: Because I can see it.
AD: you can see his house?
UC: That’s what I just said, yeah.
UC: Ugh listen explaining this to you right now is going to take way too long
AD: Why does everyone keep telling me that?
UC: Can you just connect to me as a server player while I check up on him?
UC: It’ll be a lot easier that way.
AD: you got it.
ES: Okay, I got a totem.
ES: Ky? You there?
-- eccentricStyle [ES] is now an idle chum! –
UC: Oh God Peter I’m so sorry.
UC: Are you okay?
UC: The meteor hit and everyone’s really worried about you.
UC: And by everyone I mean AD because I haven’t really talked to anyone else yet.
UC: Are you okay?
He probably isn’t, then. Damnit.
Well, you might as well get connected to Thijs, since he sounds like he hasn’t had the best day either.
UC: i can’t talk to him either.
AD: i connected to you
AD: now what?
UC: Hold on I have to press enter.
After you do so, you notice that absolutely nothing changes on your end, but you’re sure things have changed on his.
AD: what is this
AD: is that you?
You turn around and wave at the empty sky, but you know he can see it, at least.
AD: the fuck
UC: Welcome to SBURB
UC: get used to it, it’s going to get a lot worse from here on out
AD: no, seriously, how can I see you?
AD: what the hell is this?
UC: oh man
UC: Do you want the short or the long version?
AD: i want the make this make sense version
UC: I’m afraid that one hasn’t been written yet.
UC: But I’ll try.
AD: is there a camera there or something?
AD: then what?
UC: It’s the game, obviously
UC: You are officially playing now.
UC: And that means you can change stuff in my house.
AD: i can what
UC: But don’t do that yet, seriously.
UC: There are a couple of important things you need to drop in my house.
AD: slow down
UC: not happening.
UC: I don’t know how it works, I just know that it works and that it’s important.
UC: So you’re going to do what I tell you because I have experience.
AD: but what youre asking me to do is impossible
UC: Is there a Dutch gene that makes this so hard for you to wrap your head around or is it just the two of you?
AD: whats wrong with you?
AD: calm down
UC: Sorry, okay?
UC: It’s just that Peter is in trouble and you’re bitching about reality again
UC: can you please just do what I told you and drop those things in my house?
UC: I really don’t feel like listening to a this is impossible! rant again, okay?
AD: peter did that too?
UC: You have no idea.