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You are not feeling very well right now.

You were going to play a game and it was going to be fun and you were excited.

And then you killed someone’s bird.

So much for all that.

You didn’t mean to do it! Birds are the coolest animals ever! And Peter doesn’t even care that the poor thing is dead! If only you could do something to bring it back to life.

Speaking of Peter, you have him right here on your laptop screen, which is really quite weird when you think about it. But he’s already freaking out enough for both of you so you’re simply not going to think about this.

It does look endearing, seeing him all worked up like that with IP trying to calm him down. He’s tall, way too skinny for a healthy person and constantly a bit hunched forward. His is always busy readjusting his glasses or running a hand through his dark blond hair even though it’s already neatly moved to one side and he doesn’t actually change anything. Probably just a nervous habit, then. In general, really, the guy looks like a total geek.

Lesley, on the other hand, looks completely calm. He stands a bit shorter than his friend, but has broader shoulders and in general a bit of a heavier build. Not like you need much to have that. He has black, curly hair and sports a moustache on his stoic face, just like Peter does. Only IP also has a beard.

The two of them almost have a sitcom dynamic going and it’s pretty hilarious even if this program doesn’t let you hear what they’re saying.

Well, time to get back to this game. You click on the most interesting sounding thing, that being ‘Phernalia Registry’. This opens up a sub-menu with a couple of, well, things. There isn’t really another way to describe them. You’ve never seen anything quite like them.

The first is called a Cruxtruder, whatever the hell that means. It has a square platform as a base, with a smaller one on top of that. The top one has a large tube sticking up with a small wheel on the side, while there appear to be small windows on the side of this platform.

The second is a Totem Lathe. Okay, at least that seems to make a bit of sense, although what totems they could be referring to absolutely baffles you. It does look like an overgrown sci-fi version of a lathe, at any rate.

The third and last one you can see at the moment is an Alchemiter. This one also has a square base, but has one large circular platform on top of it, with a really weird shape on it. There is a smaller, but a bit higher, circular platform next to it and an extendable arm with a small device on top of it.

No point in sitting here and trying to figure out what these things do, time to just find out what they do!

You click the Cruxtruder and nothing happens.

Okay, you click Deploy and then click the Cruxtruder and now you’re holding the thing in your hand, or cursor, or whatever. Tedious, but oh well. It turns out this thing fits perfectly in the little space you just made in Peter’s living room. Convenient.

Peter disagrees, though.

ES: What
ES: The fuck
ES: Is that thing?

UC: It’s a Cruxtruder.
ES: Did you put that here?
UC: yeah.
UC: for free!

ES: What?
UC: It didn’t cost us any grist.
ES: Ah.
ES: Ignoring everything else for a second.
ES: What does it do?

UC: I don’t know.
ES: What?
ES: You ruined my reality even more and you don’t even know what for?

UC: Hey, I’m just playing the game.
UC: Why don’t you figure out what it does?
UC: While I go play around some more.

ES: Can I rant for a second before that?
ES: Because I feel like I need it right now.

UC: go right ahead.
ES: So, apparently this game doesn’t only allow you to change my house considerably by using up material you get from somewhere.
ES: It also allows to drop stuff in my house from completely out of nowhere using absolutely no material whatsoever.
ES: There are just so many ways in which this doesn’t make any sense whatsoever!
ES: But fine, I’ll go turn this little wheel and see what happens.

UC: awesome
UC: I’ll go and put the other stuff down.

ES: Whoa wait what?
ES: What other stuff?

UC: Totem Lathe and Alchemiter.
UC: Oh, and we’ve got a Pre-Punched Card now.

ES: This game hates me doesn’t it?
UC: yep
ES: Well, tell it that I hate it too.
UC: I definitely will.
ES: Now where are you going to put that stuff?
UC: Wherever’s room, I guess.
UC: I might have to move some stuff around, though.

ES: How about no?
ES: Put something outside when you don’t have room.
ES: But don’t change anything else.
ES: Please.

UC: okay
UC: If you say so
UC: it’s your place, after all.

ES: I’m not even sure of that anymore.

You hope he’ll get over this soon. This really isn’t like him. Oh well, might as well go find a place to put that Totem Lathe. There isn’t really a place downstairs, but maybe you can find something upstairs.

You see three bedrooms and one bathroom. In only one of the three bedrooms is a single bed, the others all have two-person beds, so you reason this one’s his.

Won’t hurt to check, though.

UC: That single bed is yours, right?
ES: Yes.
UC: your room is clean!
UC: like, insanely clean

ES: Sterile, even?
UC: ...
ES: That’s what IP said once.
ES: You’re lucky I cleaned it yesterday.
ES: Anyway thanks.

UC: I’m going to put the Totem Lathe there.
ES: Okay.

You do so and it happens to fit almost perfectly. Although it might’ve just gotten a lot harder to get in and out of the room. And the bed. Really though, that’s irrelevant.

You’ve still got two things two drop. Or, three. Another thing has just opened up. A ‘Punch Designix’, although it’s all greyed-out at the moment. You need some sort of purple stuff instead of the blue build grist you already have. You wonder just how you’re supposed to get this stuff, but you’re sure you’ll figure that out later.

Time to put the Alchemiter somewhere. Oh, wait, someone’s talking to you again.

-- obfuscatingLogician [OL] began pestering unorthodoxCreation [UC] at 12:44 --

OL: ky
OL: kyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

UC: I’m here
UC: what’s up?

OL: nothing
OL: because I am boredddddddd
OL: give me something to doooooooooo
OL: what are you doing

UC: playing sburb.
UC: breaking reality.
UC: messing with ES’ head.
UC: The usual.

OL: ahaha
OL: uhh wut

UC: It turns out SBURB can alter reality.
UC: Who’d have guessed?

UC: Apart from her :P
OL: :P
UC: ES looks adorable freaking out, though.
OL: ooh, caps or it didn’t happen
UC: Shit!
UC: I forgot to screencap it!
UC: damnit!

OL: oh come on
OL: next time you have to remember bb

UC: Considering the way this game’s been going?
UC: You can bet on it.

OL: so you can see him? Bcbw
UC: relax
UC: he hasn’t taken a shower yet.

OL: lol
UC: Anyway, yeah, I can give you a screencap of the interface right now, if you want.
UC: But after that I have to go back to the game.

OL: bahahahaha
OL: and I assume, since you are playing sburb
OL: that you are totally pwning noobs or someshit like that

-- unorthodoxCreation [UC] sent obfuscatingLogician [OL] the file "GameInterface.jpg" –

OL: oh sweet
UC: i’m good.
UC: I killed a bird
UC: But other than that I’m good.

OL: bb you’re joking
UC: Seriously!
UC: I killed ES’ bird!
UC: I feel so bad for it.

OL: omg bb :( that poor bird
UC: i know!
UC: It didn’t even bother him!
UC: He was just like
UC: “Sorry, freaking out over reality right now, brb.”

OL: oh hey this is actually like pretty cool looking or something?
OL: idk I’mma see if I can get on the same server as you
OL: just so I can bother you, you know how I roll

UC: Okay, have fun!
OL: you too bb, you too

-- obfuscatingLogician [OL] ceased pestering unorthodoxCreation [UC] at 12:46 --

Haha, oh man, this game is going to be so much fun. Seriously.

Anyway, you’ve still got a large thingy to ditch somewhere and you can’t seem to find another place in ES’ house to do so. Well then, might as well drop it off outside.

ES has a pretty nice backyard, all things considered, especially the view, although it’s nothing compared to your mountains. Mountains everywhere, all the time. You carefully put the Alchemiter down outside and then finally ditch the small Pre-Punched Card in the living room and then go check on Peter again.

Okay, what the hell is he doing?