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Heterodyne Parties

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There’s a lot that can be said about the old Heterodynes, and not much of it good, but they sure knew how to throw a party. I was just a kid, but I remember - and the stories the old folk could tell! When people got their invitations (those needed to be opened exactly the right way or they blew up) they’d start packing at once, either to attend the party or to go into hiding. Did I ever get one? Don’t be daft, lass, those were for important people, Spark families. And you needed to be a Spark to make it out of one of those parties alive, let me tell you! Wine glasses that poisoned their contents when the wrong person picked them up, cutlery that tried to kill you, booby traps all over the place, and the Castle having its own fun. I heard Nifferti Heterodyne relayed the dance floor so it would electrocute anyone who stood on her toes. And Occam Heterodyne cut an apple into six and each of the other five who took a slice dropped dead, all killed by a different poison… ah, those were the days. What’s that? You’ve heard there are still traps these days? Not like the old ones there aren’t. Those were proper deadly; nowadays they only kill you if you’re really too stupid to work your way out. Eh? The Heterodyne Boys are good? Oh, sure, sure - but they’re still Heterodynes. They’re still Sparks.