Work Text:
Stardate: 2259.4 0900hrs
FROM: rand2.j@mil.starfleet.ter
TO: kirk.j.tiberius@mil.starfleet.ter
SUBJECT: something has to be done
for the record, I remain Not Your Personal Gossip Hub but: Ensign Eliot Wellman & Crewman Stacy Fletcher (female Stacy, obviously; male Stacy's still on bed-rest from the Parasite Incident), in the engine room, with, I kid you not, a noose. and other restraints. a whip or some other instrument of hitting may also have been involved.
some things a girl does not need to see, Captain. (Scotty doesn't know, otherwise he'd have had Words, and there's no way the entire ship wouldn't have found out about that inside of five minutes.)
- rand
Stardate 2259.4 0930hrs
FROM: kirk.j.tiberius@mil.starfleet.ter
TO: rand2.j@mil.starfleet.ter
BCC: mccoy.lh@med.starfleet.ter
SUBJECT: re: something has to be done
I'll talk to them. More concerned about the crossed ranks than the public sex, though.
Also, how does Scotty not know that? I mean seriously, the man has a sixth, seventh and eighth sense about anything that happens in his engineering bay.
JTK
Stardate: 2259.4 0935hrs
FROM: rand2.j@mil.starfleet.ter
TO: kirk.j.tiberius@mil.starfleet.ter
SUBJECT: re: something has to be done
you would be, sir.
(I have no comment on the matter of Psychic Scotty.)
PS: attached the next shore leave rota. suggest either bumping Wellman &Fletcher onto different schedules or making sure their leaves match up, depending on what means you're using to remedy the situation
ATTACHMENT: debauched_draft.fst [federation standard text document]
- rand
Stardate: 2295.4 1000hrs
FROM: kirk.j.tiberius@mil.starfleet.ter
TO: scott.montgomery@mil.starfleet.ter
SUBJECT: Inadvisable Places For Carnal Relations, Part VII
Medical supply closet
Bridge, gamma shift
Rec Room during movie night (This Is Up For Discussion)
Officers' Mess, center table (corner table okay)
Engine room. What happened to keeping your kids in line?
JTK
Stardate: 2259.4 1001hrs
FROM: scott.montgomery@mil.starfleet.ter
TO: kirk.j.tiberius@mil.starfleet.ter
SUBJECT: re: Inadvisable Places For Carnal Relations, Part VII
Wait, what?
No, scratch that: wait, who??
------
Lt. Cmdr. Montgomery Scott,
scott.montgomery@mil.starfleet.ter
Stardate: 2259.4 1015hrs
TO: scott.montgomery@mil.starfleet.ter
FROM: kirk.j.tiberius@mil.starfleet.ter
SUBJECT: re: Inadvisable Places For Carnal Relations, Part VII
apparently your Fletcher and my Wellman were getting kinky downstairs. Rand caught them - just finished talking with her, & she says it looked like it wasn't anywhere particularly dangerous, but still. Not a good place to be naked.
You going to talk to her or are you having Gaila do it?
JTK
Stardate: 2259.4 1019hrs
FROM: scott.montgomery@mil.starfleet.ter
TO: kirk.j.tiberius@mil.starfleet.ter
SUBJECT: re: Inadvisable Places For Carnal Relations, Part VII
... You really think Lt. Gaila is the right person to give the, "This is a Bad Place to Have Sex" conversation?
Stacy Fletcher is never getting laid ever again. She will be degreasing ball bearings from here unto eternity, and then there are a good thirty kilometers of jeffries tubes that could do with a good dust.
(I can only hope you're equally serious dealing with Wellman)
------
Lt. Cmdr. Montgomery Scott,
scott.montgomery@mil.starfleet.ter
Stardate: 2259.4 1026hrs
TO: scott.montgomery@mil.starfleet.ter
FROM: kirk.j.tiberius@mil.starfleet.ter
SUBJECT: re: Inadvisable Places For Carnal Relations, Part VII
He'll be on gamma shift for at least the next month.
>> You really think Lt. Gaila is the right person ...
Point. Shore leave rota draft's in - you want them on the same schedule or different ones? And any requests for yourself?
JTK
Stardate: 2259.4 1038hrs
FROM: scott.montgomery@mil.starfleet.ter
TO: kirk.j.tiberius@mil.starfleet.ter
SUBJECT: re: Inadvisable Places For Carnal Relations, Part VII
"never going to get laid again"
Different schedules. (I understand exhibitionism, I do! I just don't want it happening in my engine rooms!)
Just get me down's all I ask. I'm not picky so long there's decent alcohol and pleasant scenery.
------
Lt. Cmdr. Montgomery Scott,
scott.montgomery@mil.starfleet.ter
Stardate: 2259.4 1045hrs
TO: scott.montgomery@mil.starfleet.ter
FROM: kirk.j.tiberius@mil.starfleet.ter
SUBJECT: re: Inadvisable Places For Carnal Relations, Part VII
Consider it done. Messaging Rand with the details now.
JTK
Stardate: 2259.4 1100hrs
FROM: kirk.j.tiberius@mil.starfleet.ter
TO: rand2.j@mil.starfleet.ter
SUBJECT: shore leave
Go ahead & take my name off the roster. too much stuff to get done here to justify it.
Also: different schedules for Fletcher & Wellman, & put Scotty on the first group down.
JTK
Stardate: 2259.4 1115hrs
FROM: rand2.j@mil.starfleet.ter
TO: mccoy.lh@med.starfleet.ter
SUBJECT: fwd: shore leave
[Go ahead & take my name off the roster. too much stuff to get done here to justify it.
JTK]
Times are I think the man's forgotten how to sleep. Ball's in your court, doc.
- rand
Stardate: 2259.4 1141hrs
FROM: mccoy.lh@med.starfleet.ter
TO: rand2.j@mil.starfleet.ter
SUBJECT: re: fwd: shore leave
OH FOR THE LOVE OF --
It just NEVER ENDS with him!
Thanks for the heads-up Janice.
Stardate: 2259.4 1200hrs
FROM: mccoy.lh@med.starfleet.ter
TO: kirk.j.tiberius@mil.starfleet.ter
SUBJECT: don't even think about it
That tribble pile you call a circadian rhythm needs three peaceful and recuperative days spent NOT ON THIS SHIP.
Stardate: 2259.4 1205hrs
FROM: kirk.j.tiberius@mil.starfleet.ter
TO: mccoy.lh@med.starfleet.ter
SUBJECT: re: don't even think about it
I was just about to message you! What'd you think it'd take to get Chapel to give The Talk to Stacy Fletcher?
JTK
Stardate: 2259.4 1209hrs
FROM: mccoy.lh@med.starfleet.ter
TO: kirk.j.tiberius@mil.starfleet.ter
SUBJECT: re: don't even think about it
Do not change the subject. What makes you think that your body, over and above all others on this ship, is so very special that it doesn't require, oh I don't know, what's that word?
That funny word?
REST. That's the one!
You're exhausted, and you're going on shore leave, and don't think I won't pull medical rank on you.
(Why would Chapel need to give The Talk to Fletcher? The man's 38 years old, for God's sake.)
Stardate: 2259.4 1220hrs
FROM: kirk.j.tiberius@mil.starfleet.ter
TO: mccoy.lh@med.starfleet.ter
SUBJECT: re: don't even think about it
You didn't get the original bind copy to?
Other Stacy Fletcher, down in Engineering.
And I am not exhausted.
JTK
Stardate: 2259.4 1222hrs
FROM: mccoy.lh@med.starfleet.ter
TO: kirk.j.tiberius@mil.starfleet.ter
SUBJECT: re: don't even think about it
No.
Repeat: And why does Chapel need to give The Talk to Fletcher?
You're a damned liar is what you are.
And don't tell me you can't interpret a medical chart when I taught you how myself. Highest fatigue levels I've seen in ten years.
ATTACHMENT: SC937-0176CEC_physical2258-351.fst [federation standard text document]
Stardate: 2259.4 1230hrs
FROM: kirk.j.tiberius@mil.starfleet.ter
TO: mccoy.lh@med.starfleet.ter
SUBJECT: fwd: something has to be done
[for the record, I remain Not Your Personal Gossip Hub but: Ensign Eliot Wellman & Crewman Stacy Fletcher [snip] in the engine room, with, I kid you not, a noose. and other restraints. a whip or some other instrument of hitting may also have been involved.]
Because of that. And because it'd be grounds for sexual harassment charges if I gave her The Talk myself. And because I like my command, thankyouverymuch.
Coming in for another physical because that one is out of date and also wrong.
Meet me in the officers' mess? There's pie. Cobbler, even. Peach, with real ice cream. Lt. Farrouk programmed the food synth with his mom's ice cream recipe, so it's really magical frozen vanilla bean custard.
PS: would this face lie to you?
JTK
ATTACHMENT: honestcat.img [federation standard lossless image file]
Stardate: 2259.4 1232hrs
FROM: kirk.j.tiberius@mil.starfleet.ter
TO: rand2.j@mil.starfleet.ter
SUBJECT: I am wounded
You sold me out, Yeoman!
My heart aches for the betrayal you have wrought upon it.
JTK
Stardate: 2259.4 1240hrs
FROM: rand2.j@mil.starfleet.ter
TO: kirk.j.tiberius@mil.starfleet.ter
SUBJECT: re: I am wounded
consider it payback for the Incorporeal Charlie Incident, Captain.
besides, you're complaining about enforced vacation? It's not like we're making you eat salad or anything.
- rand
Stardate: 2259.4 1242hrs
FROM: kirk.j.tiberius@mil.starfleet.ter
TO: rand2.j@mil.starfleet.ter
SUBJECT: re: I am wounded
... That sound you just heard?
That was the sound of me quitting while I'm ahead. Stick yourself in the first group down for shore leave, too.
JTK