The Miracle of Thanksgiving
You know, this had been my first Thanksgiving without my sister. I remember that after she married Danny, she had realised that Danny was in love with me, rather than her. And I must admit that I liked Danny intensely, so much that I wanted him to be mine rather than hers. But all these years, I've tried to act like an adult, and I've dealt with these feelings. But even though she's passed away, and me and Danny have finally been able to be a couple without worrying about her, I can't deny that she was my sister. My emotions have been confused over the years; at first, I felt jealous towards my sister because I liked Danny. Later on, I could only reassure her that we don't know our true nature until later on, and what we thought were our perfect partners were not perfect for us. Then she passed away, allowing me and Danny to be more open about our feelings, but losing a sister was more painful than I thought. Looking at that photo album of our childhood reminds me so much of simpler times; simpler times when I didn't have to worry about much. I remember being racked with guilt over her death---that if me and Danny weren't attracted to each other, they could have had a happier marriage. But I understand that this guilt is useless, as I didn't cause that accident, and I would not have made a difference regarding the circumstances of her death. Anyway, Danny reassured me that talking about my feelings might help, and he told me that he was glad I was here. Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, Danny came up to my room to see if I was all right. I don't know how long it was since I'd cried like a kid, but I ended up doing exactly that. Danny held me in his arms, and allowed to cry until I was too tired to cry any more that night. He was even courteous enough to make up some random excuse about why I had slept in that next morning.
This Thanksgiving was the first one without Pam, and the first one with both Jesse and Joey. I may not have loved my late wife as a woman, as I was strangely enough, more attracted to Jesse, but that doesn't change the fact that she was Jesse's sister, and that she was the mother of my kids. Her death enabled me and Jesse to live like this, but I have never wished her dead, even after we all found out that we loved different people. It always pains me to see people that I care for in pain, and it was painful to see Jesse become emotional over his sister's death. But as soon as I reassured him that it would help to talk about it, he started to talk about incidents in their childhood. That night, I went to Jesse's room to check up on him; he had still been looking at that childhood album, and he was crying like a little boy. I felt the need to be there for him, as I knew that we all stuck together after the tragedy.
Joey went off for his comedy tour, allowing us to figure out what to do with Joey's room. It also allowed for me to have some more time with Danny. However, our time together was cut short when he was busy with his work. After I had spent all day cooking and cleaning, as well as taking care of the kids, he had come home from work late. While I wasn't truly angry, I was tired and a bit frustrated. There I was that day, nagging at him as if I was his wife or something. I could have just exploded with rage, but instead I chose to play the role of the nagging housewife. It's funny in a way, because he's the somewhat womanly one, despite his height, yet I was acting more womanly than he was. The girls must have had bewildered expressions on their faces, but they will need to learn how to deal with both of us acting like this sometimes. That night, I apologised to Danny about my nagging. Surprisingly, he wasn't angry about the whole thing, although he seemed concerned about my well-being. While he told me that he doesn't think of me as a wife substitute, I knew that subconsciously, I wanted to be his spouse. Then again, anything goes here in San Francisco. Nobody bats an eyelid at three men trying to raise three kids in one household; nobody bats an eyelid at anyone's sexuality, regardless of their marital status here.
It was a struggle to figure out Joey's room situation, and we didn't want to make him feel that he wasn't wanted here. I only look at Joey as a friend, but it would seem too blatant if me and Jesse were to sleep in one room, with Joey using the room that one of us would be no longer using. Eventually I figured out that we could get an architect to renovate the garage into Joey's new bedroom, so that none of us had to move our rooms. Anyway, I came home from work late one evening, and Jesse was there complaining about it. In fact, he was sort of acting as if he were my wife. Or rather, a caricature of a housewife. I don't blame him one bit for his nagging. Running a household is a team effort, and I felt that I had burdened him too much. I knew things would be a bit more easier on us with the housework when Joey comes back. But come to think of it, most male/male couples here do all the housework with just two adults, and not three. Well, Jesse later apologised to me about the nagging, and I easily forgave him. I don't look at him as a wife substitute; although he is definitely my lover.
The Big Three-O
It was supposed to be the greatest gift to Danny, to use with his beloved car, until this idiot rammed into it, and made our gift nearly useless. Yeah, I said 'our'. It was a gift from me and Joey, and it was a seat cover for his car Bullet. So we decided to make it up for him by buying him another car, just like Bullet. The problem was that it was expensive, and the guy on the other line on the phone wanted an even higher price for it. Eventually, the guy gave up and me and Joey persuaded the dealer to buy the car at a lower price. What we found out later though, was that the guy on the other line was Danny! I was so devastated when he kept on babbling about he wanted to move on from Bullet, and that he wanted to buy a new car. It was almost as if he were talking about a woman he fell in love with, and while my feelings were clearly not that of envy, I wanted to jump up and kiss him and say "Forget about the old Bullet; I've got a new one for you". But I knew I couldn't do that, so me and Joey reluctantly showed him the new Bullet we got for him in the backyard. He was ecstatic over the new car, and was touched when he heard of the length we went to get him that car.
Jesse and Joey had both good and bad news on my 30th birthday. The good news was that they got me this gorgeous seat cover for my car, and the bad news was that while they were out buying it, a guy had rammed into car, thus wrecking the car. It was not their fault, and I was not angry at Jesse or Joey, but the car had a special place in my heart. I know it's rather foolish for a grown man to name his car, but I can't help it. Later on, I tried looking for a car just like Bullet, but these other guys that were trying to buy it kept on hiking up the price. I eventually gave up, but to my surprise, the guys that were desperate to buy it turned out to be Jesse and Joey! My heart filled up with warm emotions as I realised that even if this car still looks like Bullet, it doesn't change the fact that Jesse and Joey went that far to make it up to me.