Cartman was tracing circles on Kyle's chest - Kyle only allowed him to do that in exchange for Cartman to stop singing in the shower - when he spoke: "Kyle don't you think our relationship has evolved enough so you can use my Christian name?"
Kyle grabbed the pillow on the other side of the bed and covered it over his face. He wasn't quite in the mood to scream just yet, but he was gritting his teeth and he could feel his muscles tightening, sure signs that he would very soon. "I'm not a Christian."
"I can't hear you," Cartman said. He used his index and middle finger to climb up Kyle's chest. "I know that putting a pillow over your head is a good way for you to release stress, but I feel as if it's just a barrier that blocks us from communicating."
Kyle slowly moved to grab each side of the pillow. Then he took a deep breath - well as much as he could with the pillow over his face. After that, he forced his shoulders down. He thought about the calming exercises he'd been doing for the past few weeks. He even thought of England. Finally, he jerked the pillow down his chin, making sure that his hand hit Cartman's. "I knew you just took us to therapy so you could find new ways to annoy me."
Cartman rolled his eyes. "Kyle, that was only part of the reason." He raised one of his hands to his chest, and pressed his palm over his heart. "We've been together for four years. Don't you think this means something?" He tapped his chest a few times. "Something that's right in here?"
"If you weren't sitting on my legs, I would kick you."
Cartman sighed in a long suffering manner. Kyle pondered kicking him off the bed anyway, but decided not to because he really was tired and it wasn't worth the loss of energy.
"I feel as if we're getting off topic."
Kyle huffed and then folded his arms. "Fine. I'm not going to call you Eric. Now we're done."
Cartman shook his head. "Kyle. Right now we're talking about our feelings. That means we both should be able to talk. Think of it as a two way street. A two-way street that you're building a wall across. A wall that I will have to hire suicide bombers to blow up if this keeps up."
Kyle stared at him. "I hate you so much."
"Now was that so hard?" Cartman asked.
The only reason Kyle didn't throw a pillow at him was because he was sure that Cartman would say something about using words and not violence.
Cartman leaned forward. "So tell me, Kyle. Why don't you want to call me Eric?"
"...How long are you going to keep this up?" Kyle asked.
Cartman smiled, folded his arms over Kyle's chest and rested on it. Kyle squirmed more than he'd ever admit. "As long as it takes."
"I've always thought of you as Cartman. It would be annoying to change."
Cartman made a hmming sound. "I really understand your position. But what about my feelings?"
Kyle growled. "Jesus Christ, what the hell do you want?"
"There's no need to yell Kyle," Cartman scolded in a way that reminded Kyle of his mom. Which was creepy because it reminded him of his mom and because it worked - Kyle felt a little guilty. "See, I'm calling you by your first name. How would you feel if I started to call you Broflovski?"
Kyle was starting to feel the effects of the full power of Cartman's weight on his body. He pressed his lips together tightly.
"I asked you a question," Cartman said. "You're hurting my feelings when you don't answer."
"Do you really think I'm going to buy you suddenly care?" Kyle snapped. He knocked Cartman's face away and squeezed his eyes shut. "This is just you manipulating me for something or doing some sort of twisted foreplay!" Kyle paused. Then he opened his eyes. "Why the hell can't you just say you want to have sex like a normal person?"
"You're breaking character," Cartman said, but his lips were twisting into that stupid smile of his that made Kyle want to touch him.
Kyle was very tempted just to pull Cartman into a kiss because that usually got them past the stupid crap like this. But he was struck with an idea.
He looked up at the cleaning. "You're right."
Kyle looked back at him. "You're right." He looked towards the side. "I don't know what I'd call this thing we have together. But it's been happening long enough so that I should take your feelings into account." He took a deep breath and slowly, hesitantly, turned his head to look at Cartman, though not quite meeting his eyes. "Eric."
Cartman looked like he didn't know what to say.
Kyle continued. "I shouldn't use your usual games as some sort of shield when you're genuinely hurting." He looked into Cartman's eyes and gave him a tiny smile. "I'm sorry. Eric. I'm sorry, Eric."
Cartman shifted his weight in a way that made it hard for Kyle to breath for a moment. "Well, you should be!"
"What?" Kyle said between deep breaths.
"Calling out someones last name in bed is creepy." A pause. "And really Jewish."
Kyle bristled. "What gives you the right to talk about stuff like this when you're like that with me?"
Cartman blinked. He moved his hands so that he was bracing them by the sides of Kyle's shoulders. "What do you mean?"
"You don't have any clue at all why it's offensive to say something like that?"
Cartman shook his head. "When will you learn to accept the truth about your icky Jewish -"
Now, Kyle actually did shoved him off the bed. "When the fuck will you learn how retarded it is that a twenty year old man who has known a Jew for fifteen years and been sleeping with him for four still doesn't understand what antisemitism is?" He pulled himself off the bed and stormed over to the closet in order to find a shirt and his coat.
Kyle could feel Cartman's eyes on him as he got dressed. Then he turned around sharply and glared at Cartman before turning around sharply again and walking out of the room, making sure to slam the door as hard as he could.
"Fine!" Cartman called. "Be that way. See if I care."
"I will," Kyle yelled back as he pinched the bridge of his nose.
When Kyle walked out of the apartment, he somehow found he didn't have it in him to slam the front door shut like he'd planned to. As his hand slipped off the doorknob, he was realized there wasn't anywhere that he wanted to go. He wasn't particularly in the mood to be with anyone and pretty much everything was closed by now.
He'd decided to go stew at the park when the door opened. Kyle turned around.
"Why aren't you wearing any clothes?"
"Because," Cartman said, as if it was obvious, "our relationship is at stake. Don't you think that's a little more important than clothing?"
Kyle folded his arms and told himself he'd seen Cartman naked plenty of times and has even had sex with the fat ass so there was no reason to look away or be embarrassed. "Make it quick."
"To do this right, I'm going to need for you to sit down."
Gritting his teeth, Kyle decided it'd probably be faster in the long run just to indulge him. Sighing dramatically, he plopped down on the ground. And then unfolded and refolded his arms to make a point. "Now what?"
Cartman began to pace. "Damn it, Kyle you ruined the mood. Now I have to get back in the zone or else I'll beat you up."
"That really makes me want to stay."
"Shut your mouth or suck my balls!"
Kyle was about to stand up, but Cartman was in front of him before he could even brace his hands on the floor and pressing down hard on his shoulders.
"What the fuck are you doing?"
Cartman's eyes were sparkling with something that Kyle wasn't sure how to call, but whatever it was, it wasn't a good thing. "You're not going to ruin this for me, Kyle. You've ruined too many things in my life. But I won't let you take this!"
"Fine." Kyle scooted back to lean against the wall. "So what is this?"
Cartman coughed then spoke. "Always for the first time, hardly do I know you by sight - "
Cartman took a step back, but it didn't seem to be because of what Kyle had said. "You return at some hour of the night to a house at an angle to my window - "
"You wrote a poem for me?" Kyle asked, feeling his anger melt some, despite himself. It was girly and dumb, but it was also kinda nice to think Cartman had put some thought into something for Kyle.
Cartman closed his eyes, and his voice was distant, and it was like someone else was speaking. "A wholly imaginary house, it is there that from one second to the next, in the inviolate darkness."
Kyle closed his eyes and let the words wash over him. He was calm, but his heart was beating a bit faster. And he felt a bit like he was back in that phase when he was sixteen where he read dumb romance novels.
"I anticipate once more the fascinating rift occurring, the one and only rift, in the facade and in my heart."
Kyle's eyes popped open as memories of seventh grade English surfaced in the back of his mind and he stared at Cartman, though Cartman seemed to be in his own world, the back of his hand against his forehead as he spoke, "The closer I come to you - "
"You didn't write that."
Cartman stopped. "Kyle, I'm trying to do a nice thing here."
"No you're not," Kyle said, standing up. "You just stole a stupid love poem and started reciting it -"
Cartman look delighted for some reason. Kyle paused and Cartman took that opportunity to correct Kyle. "I didn't say I wrote it. You just assumed it." He held up his index finger. "And you know what they say about assuming - it makes an ass out of you and me!"
Kyle stomped over to Cartman and shoved his finger into his chest. "That's not the point. You were tricking me."
"Can't you just be grateful for once in your life?"
"How can I be grateful about you stealing a poem to read to me..." Kyle's voice drifted off almost completely at the end. He moved his hand so that his palm was resting against Cartman's left breast. He licked his bottom lip. "Even though it's incredibly fucked up, I think that might just be the most romantic thing you've ever done for me."
Suddenly, Cartman wrapped his arms around Kyle and pulled him forward so that their bodies were mushed together. Kyle found himself very aware of the fact Cartman was still naked. He swallowed.
"You should make it up to me," Cartman purred softly.
Kyle wasn't sure if he was pissed off, turned on, or embarrassed. Knowing it was kind of lame, he responded with, "We're probably bothering the neighbors even more than usual."
"All the more reason to go to bed," Cartman said with a grin.
Kyle wiggled out of Cartman's grip. "Stop acting like the big bad wolf."
Cartman perked up at that. "We should totally get you a little red ridding hood outfit. It'll be completely awesome. And really hot."
Kyle stared at him for a very long time. "I'm just going to pretend you didn't say that."
"Bullshit, Kyle. You didn't complain when I dressed up like a princess and - "
Flushing, Kyle grabbed Cartman's wrist with one hand and opened the door with the other. Pulling them inside the apartment, he hissed, "Just stop talking and I'll do whatever you want so long as there is no cross dressing involved."
Kyle's mouth grew dry as he watched Cartman let himself be dragged, tapping his chin with an index finger, his eyes gleaming.