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Louis: senior captain of the uni football team, president of the literary magazine club, possible theatre major, official loather of anyone who acts a certain way just to fit the theme of their Tumblr
Zayn: senior, does not understand sports, claims to not be addicted to cigarettes, is addicted to cigarettes, proud roommate and bestfriend of Louis
Liam: junior, best friend of Niall Horan and also spell-check, shows up at literary magazine club but has yet to publish anything that does not look like the twitter page of a twelve-year-old
Niall: junior, famous for sonnets about bacon and other breakfast-related items, says he is on the football team, is not really on the football team
Harry: sophomore, wearer of headscarves and skinny jeans, apparent fan of 20th century poetry, unsurprisingly dabbles in the ukulele
- Part 1 of Satan's Got A New Headscarf