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Something Different About You Today

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flashfic, fma, humor, nc-17, ot4

(flashfic) (fma) Something Different About You Today (ot4)

runaway drabble request, written for [info]ponderosa121
warnings: genderswitch, a little smuttish, humor?

When Maes heard Roy and Riza come in, he didn't even bother to look up from his newspaper. Not until he heard Gracia gasp, and the unsettling sound of a copper-bottom pot clanging to the floor.

He got up quickly, paper slipping in pieces, awkward-folding, and when he peered around the door frame into the kitchen, he stopped dead in his tracks. "Uh..."

There, on the threshold of the back door, stood someone who was clearly Roy - short black hair, irritated glower - but female. And next to him - her? - was another someone who was clearly Riza - blonde hair sliding down to the shoulders, and also with an irritated glower - but male.

"Uh," Maes repeated. "Hm," he continued.

"What happened?" Gracia stammered out.

Riza's irritated glower went up a notch. When she - he? - spoke, it was with Riza's usual voice, female, familiar. "It's his fault."

"My fault?" Roy demanded, turning half-towards Riza. "How is this my fault?"

"You're the one who insulted him!"

"What insult? I was praising him! I congratulated him on his study habits! I complimented his skills! I told him that he had the potential to be one of the finest alchemists in history!"

"Which you followed up with, 'Who'd have thought there'd be such a big brain in such a small fry?' "

"You're the one who laughed!"

"I coughed, thank you, and you know he's sensitive about his height."

"It's not my fault the kid is short!"

Riza let out a frustrated noise and crossed her arms over her - significantly flatter, now - chest. Her arms slid up and down for a moment, as if they weren't sure where to settle without breasts to guide them.

Roy half-snarled and crossed his arms over his chest, too - crossed them too high, re-crossed them lower, tried again under the breasts - and just as Maes was noticing that Roy had been given a pretty impressive rack, Roy let his arms drop to his sides in frustration. "How the hell do you people function with these things?"

Riza's eyes went angry-wide, and Maes slipped behind Gracia, trying not to look like he was hiding. "At least with a decent undergarment, 'those things' will stay in one place! This..." Riza gestured in front of her crotch. "This stupid thing just flops about no matter what you do with it!"

Holding up a finger, Maes helpfully submitted, "It helps if you kind of tuck it to one side."

Riza glared daggers. At Maes now, instead of Roy. Gracia turned her head to give Maes the 'shut up now before it's too late' look, over her shoulder. Maes pressed his lips together in a firm, non-moving line. "Right," he muttered.

"Just look at this ridiculous thing," Riza said to Gracia, hands working to undo the buckle of her belt and the buttons of her fly. When the pants were open, Riza let them hang open, barely held up by too-slim hips. "Look at it! It just...lays there. You can't make it stay in one place; you can't tuck it off to one side or another without it slipping wonder men are constantly adjusting themselves! Have you ever seen a more useless piece of..."

Gracia cleared her throat - gently - and said, "Riza..."


"You're hung like a horse, Riza."

Riza paused, looked down. "Am I?"

Gracia looked back up - no longer at Riza's new penis, into Riza's eyes. "You mean you didn't notice?"

"I was a little too taken aback by the fact that I was hung at all to notice!"

"Seriously, Riza - that's..." Gracia's hand fluttered - over her mouth, over her breastbone, fingers trailing up and down her neck. "Oh, my."

Suddenly Riza looked significantly less pissed off. "Yeah?"

Gracia nodded - slowly - swallowing a breath. "Yeah. Definitely." She stepped forward - to Riza, leaving Maes standing there watching with wide eyes - brushed her fingertips over Riza's...cock. Riza's cock. It took Maes a minute to work through that idea, and he tried to tell himself it was just because it was all so strange and not because those two words together were insanely, irrationally hot.

"Al told us it would only last about 24 hours," Riza half-whispered, her - his? - eyelids fluttering.

"Well then," Gracia replied, "We'd best not waste any time." She slid to her knees and pressed a kiss to the head of Riza's cock, and when it throbbed, Riza shivered.

Maes turned to Roy, raising an eyebrow, inviting.

"What?" Roy asked, voice suspicious.

Maes nodded towards Gracia and Riza, then gestured - you wanna?

"Isn't it going to know, weird?" Roy replied.

Maes shrugged. "They're doing it."

Roy thought for a moment and then shrugged back. "Okay."