Work Text:
Piggie: GERALD! Come play with me.
Gerald: I can't. I am busy.
Piggie: What are you doing? *bounce* *bounce* *bounce*
Gerald: I am watching videos. The Old Spice Guy is answering questions and he is very funny.
Piggie: *peers over Gerald's shoulder* Oh. I want to ride a tyrannosaurus rex to work now.
Gerald: *laughs* You don't go to work.
Piggie: We should ask him a question.
Gerald: I don't know what to ask. *looks dejected*
Piggie: *thinks* I don't know what to ask either. *looks dejected*
Gerald: We could ask Pigeon. He always has questions.
Piggie: YES! YES! Let's go see Pigeon. He will know what to ask.
Piggie: PIGEON! Come see.
Pigeon: Not now. I am writing a very important twitter about how I should be allowed to drive the bus.
Piggie: The Old Spice Guy will know. He knows everryyything!
Pigeon: *perks up* Maybe he can get them to let me drive the bus.
Piggie: Show him, Gerald. You'll like the videos. He drives a nuclear powered segway as he selects only the best cocoa pods in the jungles of Brazil to pound into cocoa powder with his bare hands.
Pigeon: I could do that if anyone ever let me try. *pouts*
Gerald: *types in url* Here are the videos.
All three: *watch and laugh*
Pigeon: *eyes widen* He ran around the Earth backwards in 80 seconds so that he could slow its rotation and prevent global warming for getting any worse.
Gerald: He danced for thirty-three hours straight on a firepit while juggling chainsaws.
Piggie: He trampolined to the moon! He can do anything.
Pigeon: He can help me drive the bus.
Gerald: He has a twitter account. You can ask and he will answer.
Pigeon: I will ask now. *thinks* Oh I know.
The_Pigeon @oldspice I want to drive the bus. Any suggestions?
Gerald: He will answer.
Piggie: He has to answer. It is very important. If Pigeon drives the bus, he can take us for a ride.
Pigeon: He hasn't answered yet. *pouts*
Gerald: He has to film a video and put it on Youtube.
Piggie: He might be skydiving with sharks in the Grand Canyon or skiing across the Mojave Desert. We must be patient.
Gerald: We must!
Pigeon: We must!
*seconds pass*
Pigeon: Has he answered yet?
Gerald: You have to reload the page.
Piggie: THERE IT IS! THERE IT IS! @the_pigeon - THAT'S YOU!.
Gerald: CLICK IT QUICK!
Pigeon: *starts the video*
The Old Spice Guy: The_Pigeon writes "I want to drive the bus. Any suggestions?" Hello,The_Pigeon. First let me ask you, do you smell like a Pigeon or a Man. A Man would not wait until other people let him drive the bus, but would take control of that 14 ton vehicle of metal and just DRIVE across mountains, plains, and valleys, building tunnels and bridges with their bare hands if necessary until they reached their goal at the top of Mount Everest from whence they would shout "I am a Man!" Or "I am a Pigeon, if that is what you are. Bowling ball catch!
Pigeon: *droops* I smell like a pigeon.
Gerald: But Old Spice would make you smell like him.
Pigeon: *perks up* We should go get some now. Then we can all smell like him and drive busses to the top of Mount Everest. Where is Mount Everest anyway?
Piggie: I don't know.
Pigeon: I bet you can have all the hot dogs you want there.
Gerald: If we all smelled like him, we could all go.
Piggie: WE COULD!
Pigeon: LET'S GO GET OLD SPICE NOW!
Gerald: I don't have any money.
Piggie: I don't either. *slumps*
Pigeon: I have lots of change. People drop it more often than hot dogs.
Piggie: LET'S GO!
*exeunt stage left*