“It’s just wrong, Ann,” says Leslie. She slams her eighth empty shot glass down on the table. “Every year, at midwinter, they use government funds to travel to a secret location, where they plot against all things good and righteous.”
“It’s very wrong,” Ann agrees. She’s been matching Leslie drink for drink for a while, but now she’s wondering if it’s time to cut her friend off and get them both a cab.
“I’ve heard about what goes on there, too,” Leslie continues. “There’s some sort of gathering where one of their leaders, El Sevier, makes them drink strange substances. I’m not saying it’s the blood of cute, fuzzy animals like kittens, but...well, anyway, then there’s a ritual...”
“A naked ritual?” Tom interrupts.
“A ritual of evil library stuff,” Leslie says.
“Let’s get back to the naked part,” Tom begins again.
“And some of them,” Leslie raises her voice. “Some of them like Tammy Swanson belong to a secret society called YALSA, dedicated to making sure our teenagers never experience the joys of parks and nature and...and just living life. If they had their way, our kids would stay inside all day and read graphic novels and play video games and do weird social networking things on the Internet and stuff and probably, I don’t know, die virgins...”
“Die virgins?! That’s awful!” Tom says.
“Librarians,” Ann mutters in disgust. She’s not quite sure how much to believe, but even a little of it is true, it sounds terrible. To think, she used to like libraries.
“I don’t know,” says Andy. “I’ve read a little bit about them on April’s computer, and it sounds like they like some of the same things you do, like gay penguins and goofy sing-alongs.”
“Andy,” Leslie explains patiently. “That’s just what they want you to believe. The American Library Association is evil, I tell you. Just plain evil. And our city shouldn’t be supporting this. I’m going to put to stop to it right now.”
Leslie attempts to rise, bumps into the table, sways a little bit, and sits abruptly back down.
“On second thought, I’ll put a stop to it tomorrow,” she says. “Right now, I think we need more drinks!”