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REPORTER ASK HULK, WHAT IS EARLY LIFE LIKE TO DEVELOP SMASH AND BICYCLE MUSCLES?
NO ONE EVER ASK HULK ABOUT CHILDHOOD FOR PUBLICATION BEFORE.
HULK ESTRANGED FROM HULK FAMILY VERY LONG TIME NOW, SO HULK AWARE HULK PERSPECTIVE BIASED BEYOND RECOGNITION, BUT HULK TRY ANYWAY. ASK FRIEND J ASSIST WITH EXPLANATION, BECAUSE HULK FINGERS NOT GOOD WITH TINY BUTTONS SO SOMETIMES PERCEPTION IS, HULK SHOUTING ALL THE TIME.
CLARIFICATION: HULK NOT SHOUTING. HULK NOT PREFER FRIGHTEN PEOPLE.
J EXPLAIN BACKGROUND, AND THEN HULK AND J FILL IN.
Hi. I'm J. So, I'm a little wary of the topic, because Hulk and I have talked about the early years a couple of times in passing, and my understanding is that Hulk has generally avoided thinking too much about the early years, during which there was... Hulk, is it fair to say there was a lot of teasing?"
YES. HULK LATE BLOOMER, NOT VERY COORDINATED. HULK FAMILY... EXPECT VERY DIFFERENT CHILD.
Was it that they wanted you to be, what, more academic?
HULK PARENTS DEVISE PLAN TO CONVINCE AUTHORITIES, HULK HOMESCHOOLED.
Really? Wow. I didn't know that.
HULK USUALLY NOT MENTION. HOMESCHOOLERS FALL IN SEVERAL GROUPS, OF WHICH HULK FIT IN NONE.
Yeah, I can see that. Still, I guess if there was a lot of teasing at school--
NO, J. HULK NEVER OFFERED OPPORTUNITY TO ATTEND REGULAR SCHOOL WITH OTHER CHILDREN. HULK PARENTS DECIDE WHEN HULK NOT SMASH YET AGE THREE, HULK NOT NORMAL. PLUS, SCHOOLS ENCOURAGE NOT-SMASH.
Oh. Seriously? Wow. I'm really learning a lot about you, Hulk. I love that we've known each other all this time, and still there's so much to discover. I'm glad you asked me to help out today.
HULK APPRECIATE THAT J APPRECIATE.
I think we're turning into a lovefest for the reporter.
SORRY.
No! I didn't mean we shouldn't. I just meant, maybe we ought to tell her we get this way a lot.
IS TRUE.
Anyway, so your parents wanted to encourage the smash, and you resisted?
HULK NOT RESIST. HULK WANT BE NORMAL HULK CHILD. HOWEVER, HULK CLUMSY.
Clumsy? Honey, that's silly. You're enormous! Of course things sometimes don't stand up well--do you want to stop the interview? Is this too upsetting? You're looking a little greener than usual.
HULK OKAY. APPRECIATE THAT J NOT TAKE FOR GRANTED, JUST BECAUSE HULK VERY LARGE.
All right, so, you wanted to be normal and smash things.
HULK EVENTUALLY DEVELOP SMASHING SKILLS TO VERY HIGH LEVEL, BUT STILL HULK FEEL EMPTY, WANT MORE. HULK PARENTS NOT IMAGINE WORLD WITH MORE THAN SMASH.
Yeah, that must have been rough. I wasn't that excited about most of my parents' ideas about who I ought to be when I grew up, and my mom's pretty flexible about a lot of things. So, is that when you started reading Judith Butler?
NOT IMMEDIATELY. FIRST, HULK SPEND MANY MONTHS AS TAILOR. HULK PARENTS THINK HULK HAVE LOST MIND.
As a tailor? I knew you made your own little purple shorts, but I had no idea you'd worked as a tailor.
HULK LEARN MAKE PURPLE SHORTS. ARE HULK GREATEST SUCCESS. HULK NOT, OTHERWISE, EFFECTIVE AS TAILOR. ALSO, HULK FRIGHTEN SEVERAL OTHER EMPLOYEES WITH SMASH WHEN HULK BREAK NEEDLE. HULK EVENTUALLY QUIT DEAD-END JOB THERE.
Yeah? So, then what?
HULK TAKE BIG STEP. NOT GIANT STEP LIKE ONLY HULK CAN MAKE. HULK MOVE AWAY FROM PARENTS.
How old were you?
HULK FULL-GROWN, BUT NOT ACCUSTOMED TO COOKING FOR SELF. HULK LEARN, COLD WATER IN HOT GLASS BAD IDEA.
Crap, yes, that's generally not good unless it's Pyrex or something.
HULK NOT KNOW THIS.
Of course not! I'm glad you weren't hurt.
HULK PARENTS OFFENDED HULK NOT CHOOSE TO END FOOLISH DETOUR AND RETURN TO REFINEMENT OF SMASH. HULK PARENTS TELL HULK, TALK TO US WHEN READY TO BE HULK.
Ouch!
HULK UNABLE TO COMPLY. HULK ALREADY BE HULK WHEN UTTERED. HULK TURN TO LIBRARY FOR REASSURANCE.
Research is always a good idea.
HULK NOT RESEARCH. HULK READ LIBRARY BOOKS.
Was it reassuring?
HULK MISTAKENLY START IN AUTOMOBILE REPAIR SECTION. START WITH A. HULK KNOW IN PRINCIPLE HOW TO REPLACE SPARK PLUGS.
Good to know, at least.
HULK NOT DRIVE OR OWN CAR.
Still! No knowledge is wasted!
HULK MOVE TO BIOLOGY AND BIOGRAPHY. START WITH B. HULK FLIP COIN. GET BIOGRAPHY. READ ABOUT WOMEN UNABLE TO SMASH. SOMETIMES SMASH USEFUL.
Very.
HULK STAY IN BIOGRAPHY VERY LONG TIME. WEAR OUT PURPLE SHORTS WITH SIT AT TABLE.
That's dedication. So, in the end, were you glad?
HULK NOT KNOW.
You don't know?
HULK STILL LEARN. END IS NOT YET.
Oh. Well, true. But I meant, when you stopped hanging out at the library 24/7. Were you glad for the experience?
YES AND NO. HULK GLAD TO LEARN NEW IDEAS. HULK SAD PARENTS LACK IMAGINATION.
I can see that. I think our reporter friend is running out of time, don't you?
HULK FORGOT. NOT STICK TO ORIGINAL TOPIC.
No, I think you did. I mean, it was a question about how did you become who you are, and it seems to me you had questions about the lifestyle that was expected of you. I'm sorry it was difficult at the time, but I'm glad you went to the library and found things you could identify with.
ALSO THINGS TO SMASH. SMASH PATRIARCHY, WHICH EXPECT HULK TO BECOME HULK DESTINED SELF BY RULES NOT BY HULK PREFERENCES.
Good one.
ALSO, SMASH GENDER BINARY. HULK SMASH LIKE HULK, NOT LIKE MAN OR WOMAN.
I love the way you smash.
LAST THING, HULK SMASH STRAWBERRY.
Strawberries? What did they do?
STRAWBERRY NOT DO ANYTHING. SMASH AND BLEND WITH ICE AND YOGURT. MAKE SMOOTHIE. DELICIOUS. BLUEBERRY ALSO VERY GOOD.
Or both!
BOTH ACCEPTABLE.
Do you think it's easier for other Hulks that aren't born to smash unquestioningly to have you as a role model?
HULK NOT ROLE MODEL. HULK HULK.
So you don't want them to follow your example? Find out who they are? Choose targets of smashing?
HULK WANT THIS FOR EVERYBODY, BUT NOT BECAUSE HULK EXAMPLE. BECAUSE RIGHT.
True enough.
PLUS, HULK REMEMBER PARENTS HAPPY WITH ROLES. IDENTITY NOT SIMPLE.
But it's interesting.
HULK TOTALLY AGREE.