Selena almost doesn't answer her phone when it rings. She's learned in the last few years that an unknown number is almost never a telemarketer and almost always a gossip monger. She does, at the absolute last second, remembers what day it is.
“Hello?” She tries for guarded and ends up with hopeful.
“Hey.” It's Demi, she knows it is, but it doesn't sound anything like her at all. They haven't talked in over a year but it doesn't sound like her Demi at all anymore.
“Hi.” She wonders where Demi is and what she looks like now. All the things she wants to say choke her and she eShe wants to stay mad at Deminds up saying nothing.
“I just,” Demi sounds like she's choking on something too and Selena's chest tightens like it's in a vice. “I just got home, I got out today...” She fades into nothing.
“I know. Miley called me last week to let me know. No one else,” she means no one at Disney or Demi's parents or Dallas, “even thought about it I don't think.”
Demi doesn't answer. The line is quiet for so long Selena wonders if the call got dropped and she's about to say something when Demi lets out a quiet gasp. They were friends for almost ten years before they suddenly weren't and Selena knows all the variations of Demi's gasps. There's a surprised-in-a-good-way gasp, the surprised-in-a-bad-way gasp, the-holy-crap-you-scared-me gasp, the I'm-trying-not-to-cry grasp, and once, just once the Oh-god-Oh-god-I'm-about to― gasp. This isn't that one.
“I just, I got home and there's no one here, my mom picked me up but none of them are here. And I needed to, she's being such a bitch about it, Sel, I just need―”
“I'm coming over.” She's at the door, keys in hand before she even knows what she was going to say. “I'm leaving right now. I'll be there soon.” Brian walks into the hall just as she puts her hand on the knob to leave.
“Selena, where are you―” She cuts him off by mouthing Demi's name and he cocks an eyebrow. She shrugs. He waves her out.
“Selena, you don't―”
“Dems, I'm already in the car. I'll be there before you know it. I gotta hang up to drive though.” Demi sniffles and Selena knows she's nodding. She hangs up.
It's not far, but there's traffic so it takes her longer than she wants it to to get to Demi's house. Only Demi's car is in the driveway when she gets there, so she knows there's really no one there beside Demi and her mom. It takes a minute to figure out how to park where she won't block anyone else who comes home. After she turns the car off it hits her where she is, and what she's doing. Demi cut her out of her life like she was infected flesh, so fast and so completely Selena didn't even know it had happened until after it was done. What is she doing here? She doesn't owe Demi anything, not anymore, not after what happened to them. She doesn't want to, she can't go in there and pretend like none of that hurt her.
She gets out of the car and walks to the door. She takes a deep breath and counts to ten before ringing the bell. It opens almost immediately and Dianna opens it before the sound of the chimes has even faded. Selena's surprised by how much older she looks.
Dianna looks surprised to see her. “Selena, hi.”
“Hi. Dems asked me to come over. Is that okay?” Dianna eyes are red-rimmed, like she's been crying and she's not wearing any make-up which never, ever happens. A smile ghosts her face though as she nods and moves out of the doorway.
“Of course it is sweetheart. You're always welcome here. Demi's up in her room. We had an argument earlier.” she looks stricken, “ She's been up there ever since.”
“Oh, right.” Selena doesn't know what to say. “I guess I'll go up then.”
Selena doesn't move. She wants to but her feet won't obey. Seconds tick by like hours and she's staring at the staircase, then glancing over at Dianna then back to the staircase. Finally she breathes deep and takes the first stair.
“Selena,” she looks back to where Dianna is smiling thinly at her, “I'm glad you came. We've all missed you.”
Selena doesn't answer, just puts on her bravest face and puts her foot on the second step.
By the time she gets to Demi's door Selena isn't even sure what she feels anymore. She knocks and enters without waiting. “Demi?” she calls out, but the room is empty. She hasn't been here in months so she's not surprised that it looks completely different. All of Demi's old posters are gone, replaced with terrible, bland little inspirational posters.
A throat clears behind her, making her jump half out of her skin. She spins around and Demi's standing there smirking. She looks...hollow and Selena's heart cracks a little, she knows she's about to cry but that will get the afternoon off to a terrible start so she takes another deep breath and plasters a smile on her face.
“My mom did it while I was,” Selena waits for Demi to pick a word. “Away.”
“Oh.” Selena isn't sure what she's supposed to say. She feels like a little girl in a way she never used to around Demi. “It doesn't really suit you does it?”
“It's one of the things we argued about when I got home. She decided my old stuff was too dark. Like what happened was because I liked death metal.”
“It's, it doesn't matter. We'll go get you some new stuff.” Selena doesn't even realize what she's saying until after she's said it. She wants to stay mad at Demi, because it really shouldn't be enough that Demi called her first, not when she was so horrible to her for the last year. “I mean, if you want to that is. And, and if I have time.” Selena sighs. She's so, so lame.
Demi starts to tear up a little and shakes her head. “Sel, don't―you can't just do that.” Selena isn't sure what Demi's trying to say but the tiny crack in her heart just got a whole lot bigger.
“Do what Dems?” Without thinking she takes Demi's hand and gives it a squeeze.
Demi tugs at her until they're standing beside her bed. She flops forward, dragging Selena with her. “You can't just show up here and be all forgiving and whatever. I was so, so mean to you for like, a year. You can't just let that ride.” Demi isn't crying, but it's there in her eyes and Selena's chest tightens in sympathy.
“Dems, come on. What am I going to say?” She can tell it was the wrong thing to say by the tightens at the corners of Demi's mouth.
“I don't want your pity Selena.” Demi never uses her whole name in private. Shit.
“That's not what I―” Demi puts a finger on her lips to force her quiet, and even after everything between them and in the middle of all this shit Selena can barely resist taking it between her lips and sucking.
“I need to say some things to you. And I want to say them to you before I say them to anyone else because you're my best friend and I stomped all over that. So.” She sits up and looks down into Selena's eyes and she's not sure what Demi sees in them but she hopes it's as much surprise and love as Selena feels. “I'm sorry. I really am. About everything, about not being there for you when you needed me. For all that stuff I said about you, for blaming you and Taylor for whatever.”
Selena thinks it's her turn to talk now, so she opens her mouth but Demi keeps going. “I'm sorry I cut you out of my life without any explanation. I let everything get out of control and it all got away from me. Mostly I'm sorry for running away that night. I got scared about everything and I didn't know how to come back from that.”
Selena knows she's going to start crying any second and she wants to say something before that happens. “Demi,” she says and her voice is shaky, “You didn't―” Too late, she thinks as she starts to choke on tears. “All this stuff happened and you never even answered your phone.”
Demi looks so fragile that Selena knows she could break her with a word, and a tiny, unforgivable part of her wants nothing more than to do that. She doesn't, because it's Demi and she's Selena and that's never been an option. Instead she reaches out and takes her hand, pulling their bodies closer together and wrapping her in her arms.
The last time they had lay together like this Demi had kissed her, smiling, and then kissed her again. Selena had been waiting for her for so long she thought her heart would explode. They kissed for hours before falling asleep in each other's arms. When Selena woke up Demi was gone, and she hadn't talked to her again until today.
Their second first kiss is harder than their first one. Selena tries to put everything she feels into it, anger, betrayal, hurt, lust. Demi opens her mouth underneath her, Selena bites her bottom lip hard enough to elicit a gasp of pain. She wants to bite it hard enough to make it bleed. They aren't tender and tentative this time; teeth bang together, Selena can taste something underneath the minty freshness of just brushed teeth. It's sour and awful tasting. She's tasted it before, usually when she has the flu.
“Demi.” She pulls away, flushed and panting, to look in Demi's eyes.
“I didn't―Sel, I swear I didn't. I was nervous when you said you were coming over.” Demi reaches out to pull Selena back into her embrace. “Please Sel, I swear I didn't.”
Selena isn't sure she believes her, is angry that she still has to care. They start kissing again and this time she does bite hard enough to draw blood. Demi's hips buck forward when she does it and she let's out a moan that's more arousal than pain. The taste of pennies in her mouth is infinitely better than the other thing.
Demi tugs at the hem of her shirt, Selena can feel cool hands on the hot skin of her back. And this is where it stopped last time, where she stopped it for reasons tied up in God and rings and ideas of perfection, this is when Demi left her. This time she doesn't stop, for reasons tied up in God and rings and not being able to say what she needs to say any other way. Instead she roughly pushes Demi's hands away, grabs her shirt and yanks it over her head.
Demi gasps as Selena pushes her back onto the bed, straddling her hips and diving back down to her lips. Selena kisses her way down Demi's neck, pushing her t-shirt up as she goes so that by the time she gets to her cleavage Demi's bra-less chest is completely exposed. She pinches a nipple, harder than she'd ever pinch her own before taking it between her teeth. Demi lets out another moan and this time Selena knows that she's hurting her, just a little and she's okay with that.
Demi's hands are on her back, frantically searching for the clasp of her bra and undoing it. Scrapping lightly with her finger nails until Selena bites her other nipple, harder than before, and then she's digging in and scratching deep enough, Selena knows, that there will be marks tomorrow. And this, she realizes is how the night is going to go for them. They've hurt each other and been hurt and this is the way they'll try to work it out.
Demi's hips are bucking against her again. Selena's short skirt has ridden up her thighs. She feels the press of denim and zipper through a thin layer of silk and it makes her so wet she's sure Demi's pants are a little damp now too. She thrusts down to meet the next rise of Demi's hips, digging long nails into the soft flesh of her breasts as she does, trying to mark Demi like she's been marked.
Demi's hands are moving again, from her back to her thighs and Selena knows what she wants as they push her skirt up and out of the way, pulling at the waist band of her underwear, seeking what lies beneath. Gasping, she pulls away from Demi, leaning back and away, sliding them off as she does. She's throbbing with want now, so wet the recently departed panties are probably ruined and when she looks at Demi she sees the same want in her eyes. She keeps leaning back, grabbing Demi's hand and pulling her forward as she falls away from her. She's spread wide and Demi falls between her thighs hard enough to hurt. They both grunt at the impact and then Selena's pulling again, claiming Demi's mouth for her own, pillaging it with her tongue, cutting it with her teeth.
Now it's Demi who stops kissing her on the mouth. Bites her hard on the ear lobe before sucking on the throat like an open wound. Selena's nails dig into her shoulder, red crescent moons just deep enough that five spots of blood rise to the surface. She's gentle with her breasts though, and it throws Selena because this is about one thing and Demi's suddenly taking it in a very different direction. Her hips rock up again, and it hurts, rubbing against the zipper and rough fabric so Selena reaches for the button, ripping it open and pushing Demi's jeans off hips.
Demi takes the hint and pulls away to finish what Selena started, pushing her underwear along with them. Selena gasps at the sight of Demi standing beside her. There's a network of faint white scars that she's never seen before crisscrossing the low part of her hips which jut out further than she's seen them since they were eleven and Demi stopped going to school.
“Demi.” Selena wants so much to say something else but words fail her again. She sees the look in Demi's eyes, part defiance, but mostly shame. Selena reaches out, Demi steps to her and she kisses them tenderly, runs her tongue along the most prominent ones making her sigh long and hard as she does. Demi promised she wouldn't ever again and she did. Selena's not sure why, but she bites down―hard―on the deepest scar.
“Selena,” Demi moans her name, tangling her hands in Selena's hair and the room shifts again. Selena slides her hands up the back of Demi's legs, smoothing over the backs of her thighs before cupping the cheeks of her ass. She doesn't know what she's doing. She gets that now. Her heart pounds in her chest, her throat is tight and she feels like she might puke. Everything is so tangled in her head, anger, forgiveness, sadness, love and lust.
Anger wins temporarily when she slaps Demi across the cheek. Hard.
“Ow!” Demi cries out. “Fuck, Selena!”
Selena doesn't let it stop her though, pushing Demi onto the bed and kissing her roughly, forcing Demi's mouth open with her tongue, sucking her bottom lip into her mouth, making it start to bleed again. She can't stop herself any more, she pinches, bites and scratches her way down Demi's body, leaving marks everywhere she touches. Bruising her body the way Demi bruised her soul. Deep down an tiny part of her is horrified at what she's doing. This isn't what sex is supposed to be like at all, not the first time, not with Demi. She shuts the thought out of her mind as she rolls Demi onto her stomach and slaps her ass again, hard enough to leave a hand print this time.
Demi cries out again and it's pain and lust and loud. Selena covers her mouth. “Do you want your mom to come barging in on us? Jesus, Dems.” Demi looks back at her, her eyes dark and pleading for something, more pain, forgiveness, Selena isn't sure. She knows she likes it, though. “I'm going to take my hand off your mouth. Be quiet, okay? Your mom's right downstairs.”
Selena jerks her hips off the mattress so Demi is face down in her pillows, legs spread wide and ass in the air. She reaches between Demi's legs and fuck, she's so wet now, so fucking open. It takes Selena a minute to figure out what to do, the angle is weird, and it turns out everyone is a bit different but she finds Demi's clit and flicks it with her fingernail, hard enough to make her cry out.
“Shut up,” She says, and hits her hard across the ass, “Your mom is still right downstairs.” Demi groans and pushes her face deeper into her pillow as Selena flicks at her clit again. She leans back and looks at Demi, at her hips bucking against air, the sheen of sweat coating her ass. Demi reaches back to finger herself and Selena slaps her hand way. “No you don't.”
She licks two fingers, tasting Demi on them, and plunges them in her cunt. She can feel Demi's whole body as she squeezes down on them. She thrusts in and out, her hand slippery, before adding a third. Demi cries out in surprise. “Demi! Jesus! Shut up!” She reaches around before grabbing her discarded panties in and shoving them in Demi's mouth. When she adds a fourth finger it's so tight she's worried she might break one. Demi rears up, grabbing for her head, pulling her mouth to her neck, where she bites down on it again. For a while she rams her fingers into and out of her, thrusting in and pulling out, There are tears in Demi's eyes, Selena knows she's hurting her again and again, each time Demi's cunt tightens around her, til she's exhausted and Selena is holding up all their weight. She pushes Demi forward into the bed one more time, driving her fingers so deep into me that she's afraid something will break. Demi convulses around her, her cries muffled against the improvised gag and collapses completely into the bed.
Selena's still kneeling, staring down at Demi's back as she struggles to catch her breath. She wants to move, to scramble off, scramble out but she's frozen with the enormity of what she's done.
“Demi,” Her chest is so tight she can hardly breathe to talk. “Demi I don't―God I'm so sorry.”
Demi reaches a hand up and yanks Selena's underwear out of her mouth. “Don't, Selena that was...” She pauses long enough to roll over, “That was fucking amazing.”
“I could've really hurt you, Dems. I don't know what's the matter with me.”
Demi smiles sadly and reaches up for her. “Come here, come lay down with me.” Selena quickly obeys, laying her head in the crook of Demi's neck, where she's been so many times before. Demi's murmuring something in her ear while stroking at her head and Selena's trying to pay attention when a wave of exhaustion passes over her and she falls asleep.
She isn't sure how long she's been asleep when the feeling of Demi's hands running over her feet wake her up.
“Dems, you don't have to―”
“Baby, I want to. I want to so much.”
Demi kisses up her thighs and she watches, fascinated. She watches her lips on her leg, watches the tip of her tongue leave a shiny wet trail on her skin; watches as her lips brushed the very tops of her thighs and watches as her tongue finds her centre and works her wide open. The sight of Demi's tongue on her clit registers before the sensation. But when the sensation hits she cries out.
“Demi,” Selena moans,”Right―”
“Shh ” Demi says, and the vibration of her soft sound soaks into Selena so swiftly it steals her breath. Already she hovers right on the edge of coming. Demi's fingers splay across her thighs, warming her skin. Selena silently prays for Demi's fingers inside of her. She presses her lips together and bit her tongue a little because her soft shh is Demi's way of asking her to let her be the guide. So Selena does.
Demi slides her rigid tongue past Selena's clit and works lower. Selena moans at the loss of wet pressure on her clit and the intense pleasure of it, but when Demi works her tongue deep inside her and her body pulses around it she sighs. Demi touches her everywhere, her waist, her belly, her nipples, and her whole body responding to the alternating touches: gentle than harsh, back and forth so Selena is never stable. And then Demi's fingers find her, and her eyelids slam closed, and Selena is lost in the feel of her.
There is just the feel of Demi's slippery tongue on her clit, her long fingers in Selena's cunt, soft hair on her thigh. The bedroom was lit up with the artificial glow of streetlamps through the open window, and she feels the cool evening breeze on her skin. She can hear the crickets and Demi's wet ministrations as she comes, Demi laughing softly against her skin and then makes her come again. The second time her orgasm is less intense but beautifully lazy. She can feel everything melting away, her anger, Demi's anger, their mutual guilt, envy, all the things that have torn them apart.
Demi crawls up Selena's body and wraps her arms around her naked chest. They're mouths are so close together that contented sighs mingle and get reinhaled. Demi snuggles closer and Selena tightens her arms around her. They haven't snuggled this tight in so long and Selena's missed it so much she silently wishes they could stay like this forever, no parents, no Disney, no celebrity. Drained, physically and emotionally, they fall asleep quickly and so close together Selena barely has time to note Demi has started snoring in their time apart.
Selena wakes up early when the sun comes bursting through Demi's window. It takes her a minute to remember where she is but when she does she her heart swells with hope. Things aren't good between them yet. Demi's still damaged and Selena is still angry. They'll never be what Selena used to fantasize about when she was fourteen, fingers between her legs, but maybe...She lets the thought die; swings her feet to the floor and pads into Demi's bathroom to get a drink of water.
When she walks back into the room Demi's awake, staring at her, a tentative smile on her face. No one's ever hurt her like Demi has, but no one's ever loved her like Demi does either, she gets that now. She smiles back and crawls back under the covers. Things aren't perfect between them, maybe they never will be but Selena's starting to learn that less than perfect is usually good enough.