So Alec had randomly mentioned that he was actually just gonna stay home on Thanksgiving and yes, as Eliot so awesomely put it, "play stupid video games." (Alec just knew that Eliot was picturing something like the old arcade version of Magic Sword, and there was totally a barbarian joke to be made there, but it would be wasted on this group.) Anyway, Eliot was complaining that Alec had this huge-ass kitchen and never used it, and he actually used the phrase "That's a crime," which Alec thought was kind of, what's the word, oh yeah, hilarious.
"Hey, you want to come over and cook me a Thanksgiving dinner, be my guest," Alec said, throwing his arms wide. "I'll even give you my Nana's recipe for peach pie. Ooh. You ever made collard greens? 'Cause Nana had a recipe for that too." And maybe Eliot's Nana had made collard greens and maybe she hadn't, but how bad could you mess up a recipe?
Eliot scoffed. "If I'm gonna be cooking a multiple-course dinner for two, someone better be either dead or puttin' out at the end of the night, s'all I'm sayin'."
Alec definitely had a response to that, just starting with "Do you even hear yourself talk," but Parker knocked his snappy comeback right out of his head when she popped up from God knew where and said, "I'll come!"
Alec dared a sideways glance at Eliot. He looked exactly as aneurysm-ish as Alec felt. "You what?"
"I'll come!" Parker repeated impatiently. "Then you'll be cooking for three...? And Hardison doesn't have to put out...? Unless you want to," she said, and Alec did not even know what that look in her eye was. "Do you want to? Is this awkward? Should I uninvite myself? I could just stay home. I have Hot Pockets."
"Oh, Jesus Christ," Eliot burst out, and so that was how everybody ended up invited to Alec's for Thanksgiving, except for Nate, who was probably gonna get all his calories for the day from a bottle of Scotch, and Sophie, who explained that it wasn't her holiday anyway.
"Black Friday's a big shoplifting day. All the chaos," Parker said, nodding sagely. "Better get your rest." She patted Sophie's hand soothingly. Sophie gave her a dark look.
"Well! We better be getting to the store," Alec said, slinging an arm around Parker's skinny shoulders. "Eliot needs those cranberries! Yes he does."
"Thanksgiving's three whole days away!" Parker protested as Alec dragged her out of the office.
"You seriously know nothing about this holiday," Alec said, amazed. Then he felt bad about saying it, because it wasn't Parker's fault. She didn't seem bothered, though.
"Can I get the cranberries?" she asked, bright-eyed.
"Sure you can," Alec said.
It took him almost the whole shopping trip to realize that Parker's enthusiasm wasn't just about the stealing. She wasn't just keeping her skills sharp or even showing off (although Alec was still impressed, because seriously, not that it was his specialty or anything, but shoplifting cranberries, marshmallows and yams three days before Thanksgiving seemed like it had to be the freakin' triathalon of shoplifting, and where the hell did those yams go anyway.) No, apparently it was Parker getting excited about helping. Actually contributing something to the get-together.
It was kinda cute.
* * *
So there was that. Add in Eliot being all "bam!" in the kitchen, making Parker and Alec taste things all freakin' day, and Alec's apartment all warm and cozy, smelling like turkey and pie and a big old slice of heaven, basically, and... Well, it still didn't explain what happened, but Alec felt like the record would show that Eliot had clearly started it with his tough guy bullshit. Or else Parker had started it with her crazy android literalism. The point was, even if it was Alec's invitation, Alec's place, Alec's couple bottles of wine... it wasn't like he'd started it.
Alec felt like it was real important to get that firmly established. The inevitable social awkwardness was not going to be his fault. He was totally going to mention that. As soon as somebody said something.
Between the two of them, Parker sniffed loudly, then leaned over and rubbed her nose on Alec's shoulder. He stared at her. Eliot stared at her. "That was fun," she said. "I want pie!" she added, and leapt bare-assed out of the bed, disappearing into the hall.
Eliot and Alec stared at each other. Alec rubbed at his bare arm where Parker had itched her nose.
"So you--" Eliot started, and then they both jumped as Parker stuck her head back in the room, fingers clutching the doorframe, tousled hair trailing down over her bare shoulder. "Do you guys want pie? Should I just bring it...?"
"Yeah," Eliot said roughly, "bring the pie."
"Really?" Alec said as Parker vanished again. "Just bring the pie? Right into my bed? You know how much these sheets cost?"
"There's somethin' wrong with you," Eliot said, flopping onto his back.
"I beg your pardon," Alec said, then flinched and scooted nearly to the edge of his giant mattress in a desperate attempt to preserve his manly bits from getting squished, stabbed or stepped on as Parker dive-bombed herself back onto the bed, pie pan balanced in one hand and three forks clutched in the other.
"Here," she said, handing a fork to each of them. She scootched herself up to sit cross-legged up against the headboard, then pulled a pillow into her lap to set the pie on, which meant that Alec's attention as he ate was pretty much torn between pie-- and, damn, Eliot had done Alec's Nana proud-- then Parker's cute little bellybutton and her cute little breasts-- and he tried really hard not to think about Nana-- but then there was pie again-- and then Parker's breasts again. Which now had little tiny flaky bits of pie crust sprinkled on them... oh, hell.
"Yeah, I'm done," Eliot said, tossing his fork off somewhere, probably where Alec was gonna step on it in the middle of the night sometime, but whatever. Even though he'd only had a couple bites (and even though it was really, really good) Alec had to agree.
"No! Stoppit!" Parker said, poking at Eliot with her fork as he started nuzzling her shoulder. Eliot jerked back, probably remembering vividly that Parker with a fork was not a Parker you wanted to cross. "I'm eating," she said, hunkering down over the pie. Alec raised his eyebrows. "Food and sex is gross, not sexy," Parker clarified. "Wait till I'm done."
"You brought it into the bed," Eliot argued, but raised his hands to signal that he was backing off as Parker stabbed the pie again, forking up a slice of peach and biting it cleanly in two. She chewed. "You guys go ahead. Entertain yourself," she said, pointing with the fork. It was still topped with half a slice of peach. "There's two of you... I'll watch." She wiggled back into her seat against the headboard, gesturing towards the foot of the bed.
Eliot looked past Parker at Alec.
"Hold up one sec," Alec said, and looked at Parker. "Food and sex is gross, but...?"
"Food and porn is fine," Parker said, and beamed.
"Well, I'm up for it," Eliot said.
"...I know you did not just imply that I would not be up for it," Alec said, because you did not imply that kind of thing in Alec's own bed, thank you. Eliot just shrugged. "Okay," Alec said, "you come here." He reached past Parker and grabbed Eliot's arm, pulling him down to the end of the bed. It took a little arranging to get everything set up right, especially with Eliot looking at him like that the whole time, all laid-back and challenging-- his eyes went all glittery when he did that. But Alec felt like he was maintaining his composure pretty well. He cleared his throat. "Parker, how's your eyeline? Can you see everything okay?"
"Mm mmm!" Parker said happily, still eating.
Beneath Alec, Eliot was lying still, his muscled arms stretched obediently up over his head. His eyes were locked on Alec's, impatient and a little bit mocking. Alec knelt up, leaned in (making sure not to block Parker's view with his arm) and kissed him, long and slow and deep. Which they hadn't done before, during all the rolling around with Parker. And so maybe Alec was a romantic, but he liked kissing. And he was good at it. Eliot could deal.
"Damn," Eliot said when Alec pulled back. He looked vaguely surprised.
"Oh, what," Alec said, "you didn't think I was gonna kiss you on the mouth?"
Eliot shrugged. "Maybe I just didn't think you'd be any good."
"But I am, right?" Alec squinted. "I am good. Right?"
"Less talking, more kissing!" Parker ordered.
Eliot grinned and Alec obliged.
"Ooh, and Eliot, make that sound again. That growly bear noise thing," Parker said, stretching out her leg and poking Eliot's arm with her toe.
"What?" Eliot said, pulling out of the kiss to glare at Parker. "I don't have a-- a growly bear noise thing!" he said. Alec laughed at him, and Eliot tried to glare the both of them down at once. It didn't work real well. "I don't make a--"
"Hardison," Parker said, "make him do it."
"Don't you worry 'bout it, I will." Alec trailed his fingers down over Eliot's hipbone, then paused to press a kiss under Eliot's ear, Eliot's hair tickling his face He was pretty sure it had been Parker who'd provoked the 'growly noise' before, but Alec didn't see that as a disadvantage, more like a challenge. And he was definitely good with challenges.
"Go easy on me," Eliot said, "I think this is the kinkiest thing I've ever done." He took Alec's wrist in his hand, trying to move it where he wanted it. Alec pulled back, just playing.
"What, interracial bisexual voyeuristic blonde on pie on a national holiday threesome action with your co-workers, that's your yardstick?" he said. "Seriously, that's your all time high?"
"It's not mine," Parker noted.
"You, if you're gonna watch, then hush," Eliot said. "And you, I can't believe you're still talkin' either," he told Alec, and that voice he was using was getting pretty close to a growl. He let go Alec's wrist and got an elbow underneath himself, grappling with Alec and rolling him over.
Alec laughed and let him. Turned out, making fun of Eliot was a good way to make him do the growly bear noise. And then it turned out that making Eliot do the growly bear noise was a good way to get Parker to put the pie to the side and come play. Alec was a good multi-tasker, and he was definitely noting all these things, just for future reference.
Not that it was gonna be his fault then, either. But it was good to know things. Just so you were prepared.