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A Dying Rose

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“Oooh,” she moans. “It’s so- I, ah!” she gasps. “I- I can’t take it all!”

Sweet lord, Wess. What have you gotten yourself into?

“Ah, I… I can’t take it!” Ruby shrieks and yet whispers.

I gently pat her on the back. “Too much cake?” I ask.

Pulling away from the toilet, she glares at me. “What do YOU think, huh?!” she demands as she points at the-

“OH SWEET LORD!!!” I quickly turn away. I didn’t even know the human body was capable of producing such a red color.

“If there IS one, he’s not very sweet to ME!!!” she complains as she clings to me for support.

“Please don’t vomit on me, Ruby,” I plead with a desperate pat on the head. “I asked to be your fiance, not your puke bucket.”

“AAAGH!!!” she moans as she releases me in favor of clutching her stomach. Great, now she’s rolling on the floor. “Too much! Too much!” she declares in agony.

“Maybe I should’ve had a smaller cake made,” I thoughtfully comment.

“Weeeiii-AAA-sss!!!” she screams as she gets up, grabbing the toilet bowl.

“Okay, are you DYING or what?!” I demand. “Just finish throwing up already!”

In my infinite wisdom, I had the entire third floor of our dormitory vacated to some fancy cafe or whatever in the city. The original idea was so that no one could hear her screams of pleasure.

Not screams of severe, after-sex birthday cake overdosing.

“You’re such a great fia-HUUAAA-”

“AAAH!!!” Some of it got on me! SOME OF IT GOT ON ME!!! AAAGH!!! WHAT TRAGEDY DOTH BEFALLETH UPON THY FARE SELF, WEISS SCHNEE?!

That’s it! She’s on her own! Forget marriage! I’m not marrying some vomit machine!

“Weiss, wait!” she gasps for breath after the… ‘episode.’ “Don’t leave meee!”

I slam the bathroom door behind me. I did NOT sign up for this!

I glare at the red velvet cake still sitting there in the middle of our dorm. A THIRD is gone. I had two pieces before calling it quits.

Ugh, the bed’s a mess. The sheets are soaked from various bodily fluids; and our clothes are going to be wrinkled, they’ve been on the floor for so long.

I swear, it’s as if those smut authors INTENTIONALLY leave out the messy aftermath!

Soft banging on the door. “We-i-i-IIIsss!” Ruby pleads before gagging.

“HUU-AAA-”

Oh, sweet lord. The red’s coming through the door.

I could leave! Go hijack an airship! It’s not like Beacon would mind if I borrowed one!

Ah, but I can’t leave my fiance to die! But then again, I don’t want to be holding an impromptu funeral service in the bathroom either…

A compromise! I am a generous fiance.

Just jiggle the handle to lock the door from the outside, aaand… done!

Knock, knock, kno-knock, knock.

“Do you want to clean your throw uuup?” I ask. “If you did, you’d be a saaaint.”

Oh, lord. “It’s coming out the door! It’s ON the floor! Oh lord, don’t faaaint!”

“YOU’RE NOT HELPING, WEII-HUUAAA-”

More red comes out the door.

That’s it, I’m done. “Okay, byyye!” Nope, nope, nooope.

Ah! Ruby’s cape! There it lies, and none so poor to do it reverence!

“Don’t worry, Ruby!” I reassure her as I snatch her cape up and move back to the bathroom. “You can puke to your heart’s content!”

There we go, just blotch it up next to the bathroom door. It’ll absorb just about all of the-

“HUUAAAGHAAA-”

...Yep! Works like a charm!

“Wee-iiisss!” Ruby moans, gently tapping on the door. “Hell-p!”

She’s whining. She’s whining like a kicked puppy.

UGH! Fine! The cape’s soaked up just about as much as it can take anyways!

“Okay, Ruby.” I try to open the door. Hm, I forgot I locked it. How convenient! “Oh, Ruby!” I cry, “The door is locked!”

She unlocks the door and swings it open.

The floor is covered in a thin film of-

No, NO! Bad cake! Stay down! Stay down in the stomach!

“Weeiiiss!” Ruby yelps, holding her arms out helplessly as she gets to her knees.

Her entire front side is covered in… it.

“Ruby, nooo,” I plead.

She pouts, on the verge of tears. “Weiss?” she feebly requests.

“Ugh, fine.” I hold out my arms.

I can hear the squish as we embrace. I can feel it against my bare skin.

Huh, I suppose I should’ve been wearing something; but she had to get to the bathroom so quickly! And I just followed, and then it all just got out of control!

“Weiisss?” she mutters as she looks into my eyes.

“Yes, Ruby?” I ask. She looks so sad but adorable, even if there’s a bit of vomit on her chin.

“Please don’t lock me in the bathroom again?” she begs.

Oh no. “I’m so sorry, Ruby!” I immediately apologize. “I just- I guess I thought-”

She places a finger to my lips.

“Weiss,” she whispers, leaning in.

“Yes?” I ask, leaning in to meet her lips.

“I love yo-HUU-”

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOOOPE

“ACKAGABLARGAGHAAA!!!” Scramble back! Get up! Spit it out! Spit it out! Spit it out! “RUBY ROSE!!!” Aaaagh, I think it’s in my hair!

Our door opens up. “Honey, we’re hoo-” Yang immediately stops, almost dropping Blake from her arms.

“RUBY ROSE!!!” she screams, frantically setting her own girlfriend down and walking over to the very nude Ruby Rose, covered in her own bright red vomit.

Lifting her to her feet, Yang reprimands, “NO sister of mine will take part in ANY sort of pornography!”

“Yaaang!” Ruby practically cries. “Too much caaake!” she explains, hanging limp from her big sister’s grasp.

Yang stops. Looking at me, then back to Ruby, then back to me; she asks, “This isn’t any weird fetish porno?”

“NO!!!” I scream. My patience is OUT. GONE! “Your sister has decided to make herself sick through the whole evening! And after I proposed and EVERYTHING!”

Yang sighs. “Again?”

Blake chuckles. I’m going to hurl on HER if she doesn’t shut up.

“Blake?” Yang asks as she takes her naked sister into her arms. “Can you help Weiss clean up? I’ll take care of Ruby,” she declares before marching off to the bathroom, carefully stepping over the ruined cape.

“She’ll kill you for that when she recovers,” Yang informs me as she starts running a bath.

Blake offers me a spare shirt. “What a birthday,” she comments. “But you proposed, right?”

I nod as I put on the shirt.

“And she said yes?”

Sighing, I nod again.

Blake grins. “I guess you could say that this is the birth of a new day.”

Oh, sweet lord, why me?

“Confound it, Blake.”