We're flowers, you and I.
We share a light.
I need you.
Mike still remembered the first time he had looked at Chester in a different way. He had shaken his head, thinking that the feeling would surely disappear, but the they had only grown more and more persistent, until he could no longer ignore them, until it was suffocating him. He remembered staring at the singer and feeling like he was being engulfed by a deep, dark desire, twisting his insides. All he could see, all he could feel was Chester. He had always been an important part of Mike's life, but now he was all the emcee could think about.
He remembered seeing him hopping on stage, his smile lighting up the room as his energy ravaged everything in his path. He remembered that Chester had not noticed how Mike was watching him even more so that his eyes should have been focused on the crowd, the microphone or his piano. Chester was like a mirage of a sea in the desert that Mike could not ignore because he was parched – Chester was all he was seeing as Mike felt like he was lost in a trance, his eyes never leaving the singer.
That feeling was now unbearable as he stared at Chester during half the show as the man rushed over Mike to hug him, something that was far from uncharacteristic for the other man. Mike felt an electric shock run through his body and he had not remembered the last time he'd been so happy, so free.
But I long to love you like flowers do.
Just to feel your sweet perfume,
I want you.
The first time he had met Chester during the auditions, he had immediately felt a strong connection to the tattooed man and had quickly realized that they completed each other – it was a strong feeling, one that he had never felt with anyone before. Chester had appeared like a breath of fresh air and Mike had finally felt alive, as if all his life, there was something missing – but but he had never noticed until he had finally looked into the other man's eyes.
That feeling had grown over the years, and even though he had never felt anything sexual toward the singer before (of course, he could not deny that Chester was quite attractive), at that exact moment on stage, he had noticed that something pulled deeply inside of him every time the other man was near him.
As that gut-wrenching feeling took him over, he knew he was now obsessed with the singer. He needed to see him at any time of the day just to see his smile so it could warm the emcee's heart, just to know they were in the same room was calming for his mind.
Will we never get to be?
Will I ever get to be?
Will I ever get to feel you in me?
On the other hand, Mike was also a greedy person. He wanted more from Chester. He dreamed of being close enough to him to smell the intoxicated scent of his friend as he noticed the faint traces of lavender eradicating from the man's hair, mixed with the scent of his last cigarette and something else that Mike had never been able to identified but that instantly reminded him of Chester - something that belonged to him alone, something that made the half Asian weak in the knees.
He had also wanted to taste the man's lips, remembering the first time he had softly kissed the singer on the corner of his mouth when Mike had simply wanted to put his lips on Chester's cheek as the latter had quickly turned toward him. Mike had been caught off guard, feeling his heart pounding in his chest, but Chester had just laughed as he gently slipped off his friend's embrace.
"Don't you think it's a little early in our relationship for us to take such a big step as a first kiss?"
He had joked, almost flirting with him. A smile had appeared on Mike's face and he had done everything possible not to let this remark hurt him. Chester had started to haunt him day and night and he had trouble confessing to himself that he now had feelings for the other man whereas when he was lying alone in the dark, he could not wonder how Chester would taste, how it would be to feel the singer's body pressed against him as his silky skin would be gliding against him, to feel Chester buried deep inside of him as they made love, marking the half Asian as his own.
Deep down inside, it was hurting Mike that he was only pretending.
Pretending Chester was there as he used his left hand under the covers, stifling his moans so he would not shout the name of the singer again and again as he came, leaving him shuddering and mostly empty as he would feel the loneliness creep into his body as soon as his climax had gone.
He was unprepared for the flood of feelings that came with loving Chester Bennington.
What was the most surprising for Mike was simply that he wanted to be Chester's and Chester's only.
He wanted to wake up next to him, to feel the warmth of his body pressed against him as the sun filtered through the curtains as Chester would opened his sleepy eyes to look at the emcee with nothing but love in his eyes as he would smile at him, making Mike's heart skipped a beat.
He wanted to leave his studio at night and be greeted by the tattooed man who would wait quietly sitting in the living room reading or watching television, as Chester would happily hugged him, telling him how much he'd missed him even if they had seen each other a couple of hours earlier.
He needed more.
He wanted to know what it would be like to have Chester Bennington as a lover.
As something that he had never been to Mike – as something that he would now never be.
And while Mike was sitting on his bed in his hotel room, reading for the hundredth time the last text message that Chester had sent him, as he clasped his cell tightly in the palm of his hand, his other hand holding his head as tears poured down his cheeks and the text began to blurred while his shoulders shook under his sobs, he knew it would never be possible for him to do so.
He had missed the chance to save his best friend, his soulmate.
He had missed the chance to be closer to him, not only physically, but emotionally too.
He had missed the chance to share his life with the person he truly loved.
And now that Chester was gone, he would never be able to erase that mistake.
The seeds binds unaltered,
But on some planet, on some other moon,
We bloom still.
I love you.