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A is for Asshole

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It was cold out, the kinds of cold where you could see your breath and your nose would turn red. The sky was cloudy, the snow fell slowly. It was a beautiful sight to Spencer, and it was one of the few seasons he truly loved. He only liked winter and spring--everything would die and then come back. He also felt less guilty about cuddling up in a corner with a sweater, some tea, and a good book. He also had more time on his hands, especially around Christmas when the team was sent off for vacation. Unfortunately, when the weather changes, so does Reid. A bad case of seasonal depression always hits him. Aaron doesn’t know about his issue, the issue that has ruined his relationships in the past, the issue that will ruin the two of them. And, although Spencer knew he had ways to stop it from happening, he couldn’t. He loved Hotch, but maybe it was time their fling ended. He knew Hotch deserved better. He always had.

And maybe that was a factor in how Spencer felt; he always felt as if he wasn’t good enough. Too smart to be helpful, too dumb to know when to shut up. He was too skinny, he was too tall, he wasn’t attractive enough. He didn’t amount to anything compared to the rest of the team. They were all hot and amazing at their jobs--Spencer wasn’t. So when the depression hit, along with his insecurities, there wasn’t much he could do.

~~~

“Aaron, I think we should break up,” Reid said, completely unwarranted.

“What?”

“I said, I think we should break up.”

“Y-You’re kidding, right?”

“Why would I kid about this?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t need someone like me nagging at you constantly.”

“Spencer--”

“Listen, I really can’t handle this right now. You don’t need me, you’re fine by yourself. I only ever annoy you, and you once said if I ever started to feel like I was done, that you would be okay with it, so why aren’t you okay with it?”

“Reid, I know we aren’t supposed to profile teammates, and I definitely shouldn’t profile my own….boyfriend still, I guess, but…”

“Don’t even do--”

“You have deep-rooted anxiety from high school. You’ve been traumatized by the many times they’ve bullied you, made you feel like you would never become something. You have seasonal depression, and it’s acting up. Add that up to your usual major depressive disorder AND your generalized anxiety disorder, you’re terrified I’m going to break up with you, so you break up with me first, even if you don’t want to. You can’t get over the time you were dumped and left out in the rain, and you don’t want it to happen again. I dare you to tell me I’m wrong.”

Reid stared at Hotch and whispered something he couldn’t quite hear.

“What?”

“You’re wrong. You’re wrong, you’re wrong!”

Spencer started to break down, grabbing onto the couch to keep himself from hitting something. Hotch didn’t know what to do, he couldn’t even move.

“Spencer, pl--”

“Shut up! You’re an asshole, Aaron! You can’t just go and profile me, we aren’t at work! You’re an asshole!

“Spencer. You better stop or there will be consequences.”

“I’m not a fucking child! Shut the fuck up!”

“Daddy, why is papa yelling?” Jack asked, walking out of his room with his stuffed pig, his thumb in his mouth.

“Go back to bed, Jack. It’s okay,” Aaron said, voice stern and hard.

Aaron carefully approached Spencer, but Spencer just shoved him away.

“I’m getting my stuff and leaving, Hotchner. I’ll see you at work on Monday.”

And Hotch was left there in the living room all alone, his heart broken in two.