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being feeling, angry human

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There were three things in her life that Dawn was angry about for all the wrong reasons.



She was angry at her mother for dying, she supposed.

Not because she missed her or needed her - but because she wanted an audience for what was probably her teen rebellion. Even Giles had left, so there was no one to argue with over chores or curfew. There was no stricken face to slam a door on. There was no one to hurt as she grew.

She thinks this is a sign of adulthood: wanting to hurt people.

(To prove that she is there.)



She was angry at Glory for possessing Ben, sometimes.

Not because he lost his humanity because of her dark soul - Dawn saved her altruism for people deserving of it. She grew angry thinking of it and that anger was fueled by jealousy. Why should banished Glorificus be allowed to keep the memories of her true self, but the Key was stuck drowning in ignorance.

She thinks this is a sign of desire: the monks should have allowed her an out or nothing at all.

(She could just disappear.)



She was angry at Willow for threatening to turn her back into a green ball of energy, they all said.

Because for a split second, Dawn's heart leaped with hope. She could feel her body yearning to split at the seams. There was no breath, no life, no heartbeat, there was only a strangling desire.

She thinks this is what bitterness is: when someone offers you the world and you force yourself to feel guilty for wanting it.

(She could be infinite.)




This is what she thinks makes her so human, in the end.

The moments when she wishes she weren't.