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Mystery of Love

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SIMON:

 

All this nonsense started a few weeks ago when Will, Micah’s brother who also moved to London a couple of years ago to work for a bank, decided he wanted to set me up with a co-worker of his. Of course, I politely declined, and I thought that would be the end of it. But it wasn’t. We all dine together every day, giving that we all live in the same apartment building and on the same floor. And every single dinner since that fastidious day Will told me about his gorgeous analyst friend Ty, they haven’t shut up about it.

I understand that Penny is worried I will die alone. It seems a little too early to be having such a dramatic reaction to the fact that I am single, if you ask me. I am only 25. Not everyone meets the love of their life at Watford and stops having to worry about it so soon. I’ve told this to Penny once, and then she insisted that pretty much everyone did meet the love of their lives at Watford. So, I stopped trying to show her how normal it is to be single at 25.

It’s not even as if I have been single the whole time since Agatha and I broke up. A few months into college I came out to all my friends as pan and started dating a guy from my class. It lasted for about a year, and we didn’t exactly end on good terms, but being with Oliver did make me grow as an individual. Ever since, I’ve been with some people, occasionally. Some lasted for more than a month, but most never did. The truth is that none of them ever felt right. Not even Oliver, if I am being honest. I don’t really know what it is that I am looking for. But I know I haven’t find it in anyone, yet. And I don’t believe I could find it in some random guy Will seems to think is perfect for me.

Penny thinks otherwise, as she is the most insistent one that I agree to this set up. She is particularly focused on the fact that this guy is also a mage. I know part of her worry that I will be lonely forever comes from the fact that Normals don’t usually enjoy much of my presence. It drives them away eventually, even if not at first. They can never tell what it is, but all of us know. My magic is still pretty strong. Even if it is not as strong as it used to be, I still have more of it than most magicians do. So, I know Penny thinks that if I don’t get together with someone from the magickal world, I won’t get together with anyone at all.

“But Simon, what harm could it make?” She is saying, for the millionth time. And I guess it wouldn’t. I could just go to make Penny happy, and then proceed to never see this Ty person again.

“Fine. If it shuts you up, I’ll go out on a date with Will’s friend.” I say. Penny smiles from ear to ear.

“I know you won’t regret it. Now Will, tell us more about this Ty!”

“No! No more talking about Ty. I’ll go on a date with him if we stop talking about it. We can talk about him after the date. But for now, let’s make it a blind date.”

Penny frowns, but sees that I’m serious. I know I should want to know more about him, but isn’t that the whole point of the date itself? Besides, I don’t want to start out already disappointed.

“It’s a blind date, then!” Will agrees. “I will tell Ty.”

 

BAZ:

 

William and I hit it off right from the moment he started to work at the bank. I know I should say it was the fact that he had a charming personality, or that he and I and a lot of things in common. But the truth is that we became instantly friends because of only one thing we both shared – the fact that we were both magickal.

Eventually, we found out more things we did have in common with each other, and a bunch of things we didn’t. But I guess you could say magic was what really brought us together. He was one of the few people in that goddamn bank that I tolerated, and we spent some time together, even after work. He occasionally came to my house to watch Manchester play, but that was about it.

One day, he started to tell me I needed to meet his brother’s friend. He argued we would be the most perfect match he could think of. I obviously told him no. And every time he started that conversation I changed the subject.

Truth is, I am not interested in a relationship. All I do, and all I’ve ever done, are random hook-ups with random guys I meet and random gay bars. They are all in and out of the apartment before they even know it. And although I tell them I will call them back, I never do. They all get the picture.

So, I obviously don’t want to go out with a friend of one of my few friends, and make things awkward between Will and me. Because I clearly will only fuck this guy and ask him to leave, never calling him back. Like I do to everyone. And Will knows it.

But yet, he keeps insisting this wouldn’t be like that. He assures me this man is perfect for me and that I would completely fall in love with him in no time. Which I won’t. And I know that, but Will doesn’t. No one does, really. Everyone I know finds it odd that I have never found love, considering I’m intelligent, attractive and interesting. And I guess it would be odd, if it wasn’t for the fact that I never looked for love. Because the truth is, I have fallen in love a long time ago. And I have been in love with that person ever since. And it really is sad, considering I haven’t seen the object of my affection for over 6 years. It is even sadder that he and I ended off as badly as we did. It’s not as if we had the big fight that we were expecting. None of us had to die. After the Humdrum was defeated and the Mage imprisoned, the war just ceased. Just like that. So, we never got to have our big fight. And I never got to tell him that I loved him just as he stabbed me with his sword, like I had always thought I would.

None of that ever became true, and the last thing I said to Simon Snow was ‘See you never, git’. To what he responded, ‘Thank Crowley for that, fucker’. And that was it. I never saw Simon Snow again, even though we probably live in the same city. And it is likely that I will never see him again. Yet, I will forever be stuck loving him. I know that by now. It’s been around 7 years and I still dream of him every single night. Every time I look at the night sky, I envision his freckles and moles in the constellations of stars. I think the back of my eyes is more golden and blue than it is black. I swear I could draw him by memory if I knew how to draw, even though I haven’t seen him in so long. Simon Snow will always have my heart. He has had it since we were fifteen. And he will never know that. But that doesn’t make it less true.

That is why I don’t want to go out with Will’s friend. Nothing serious would ever happen between us. And that could change things between me and Will. I’ve told him that countless times. But he still talks about it every day. It’s becoming utterly annoying. Then, one day, he comes over to my table at lunch time with a big smile on his face.

“He agreed to the date, so now you have to go.” I look at him annoyed.

“I really don’t. I’ve told you that.”

“Come on Ty!” Everyone from life after Watford calls me Ty. Only my family, Dev and Niall still call me Baz. “You have to trust me. He really is your type. I’ve known you long enough to recognise someone you’d fancy when I see them.”

“No.” I say as I take a sip of my coffee.

“Come on.” He whines. “Look, he even told me he wasn’t looking for anything serious. And he wants it to be a blind date.”

“Why on earth?”

“I don’t know. But the thing is, he already knows your name. So, I guess it is only fair that I tell you what he looks like. That way, what you know about the other is different. Then you can go and look for him and you can make sure it is him because of the name.”

“The way he looks like won’t make any difference. The answer is still no.”

“Just hear me out. He is tall, but not as tall as you. Quite fit, considering he eats as much as an elephant.” I blurt out a slight laugh. I didn’t think there would be someone in this world who would eat as much as Snow. “He has golden curly hair and blue eyes, and will be wearing a green shirt for you to be able to find him.”

I know I should have stuck with my no. But this guy’s description was, to say the least, appealing to me. He sounded as if he would be slightly similar to Simon Snow. And although I knew I would never love anyone other than him, it couldn’t hurt to at least try. And if he was close enough, maybe he could work as some sort of consolation prize. So, I did what I knew I shouldn’t have done. I said:

“Fine, I’ll go out with your friend.”

 

Chapter Text

BAZ:

 

For some reason I couldn’t quite comprehend, I felt nervous. I checked myself on the mirror three times before leaving my flat. Then, I proceeded to check my reflection on every car and every window I crossed on my way to the restaurant. I felt ridiculous. I couldn’t understand what it was about that night that was making me so uneasy. I was just going to have dinner with a random dude William thinks I will fancy. I was going to charm him with my handsomeness and incredible interesting personality. I was going to make him want me enough to leave this place with me to go to my place. And then, I would ask him to leave, without even getting his number because I knew I would never call back. And that would be it. That was always it. And William knows it, so I guess he won’t be surprised to hear that’s how it ended with his friend as well.

Despite knowing all this, I still couldn’t shake that feeling I had in my gut that maybe this wasn’t going to turn out the way I had been planning. Although Fiona always taught me to never ignore my gut feeling, this time I did. Because a part of me wanted to know who it was that Will thought would be my perfect match. Who it was that he thought I would fall in love with in no time.

As I arrive to the restaurant, I peak inside trying to spot someone resembling the guy William described to me. Someone who could look a little like Snow. There is no one there who could even vaguely remind me of him, so I guess the guy hasn’t arrived yet. I go inside nonetheless. William decided, eventually, that it would be better if he booked a table on his name, that we both could ask for when we arrived.

I approached the host, telling her I was here for the reservation on William’s name. She smiled at me and accompanied me to an empty table. He really hasn’t shown up yet. She handed me the menu and wished me a good meal. I sat with my back to the door because I didn’t want to see him appear. I wanted to maintain the fantasy that he would look so much like Snow my mind would be blown away, for as long as I could. And I also wanted to seem uninterested. As if him showing up or not would make no difference to me. I looked through the menu, thinking about what to order. It was an Italian place, and it seemed to be a pleasant place for a first, last, and only date. Even if it sucked too badly, at least the food did look good. One of the greatest advantages of creating a spell to hide my fangs, is the fact that I can now eat at restaurants. And in front of people. It doesn’t seem like it would mean so much, but it does. It really makes my life easier.

As I am thinking about this, the restaurant is suddenly filled with magic. Powerful magic, I must say. This person is already better than I was expecting. As he gets closer and the feeling of his magic grows strong, I can’t stop thinking how strangely familiar it feels. That’s when a that voice greets me. A voice I had thought I would never hear again in my whole life.

“Hey, I’m sorry I’m late Ty. I’m Simon.” I see the chair in front of me being pulled back, and a dishevelled Simon Snow sits down, only then looking at me. His eyes go wide.

“What the actual fuck… Baz?”

 

SIMON:

 

I am already late. Penny is lecturing me about it, despite the fact that she is the reason why I am late in the first place. I was all ready to leave when she knocked on my door to check on me. And the minute I opened it she said:

“You are not on this date dressed like that.

“What the hell is wrong with this outfit?” I asked her, looking down at myself. I honestly saw nothing wrong with it. I was wearing standard ripped off jeans and a t-shirt, green as Will and I had agreed.

“Simon, you’re going to a fancy place. You can’t dress for it the way you dress to go to Pizza Hut.”

She marched into my room and opened up my wardrobe. Then, she proceeded to scatter on my bed everything I had inside.

“You have absolutely nothing to wear to a date.” She says, as she throws all my clothes to the ‘No’ pile. “All you have is jeans and t-shirts. I know you work at a tech company and you guys don’t care weather you are dressed up or not. But didn’t you wear something better for the interview, or something?” I look at her guilty. I went to the interview in jeans and a t-shirt.

“I don’t know what I am going to do with you.” She sighs. And then drags me across the hallway and into her own apartment. There, she opens the door to her own closet and starts searching through Micah’s stuff. I guess I’m lucky we’re about the same size, because it seems that Penny is not going to let me leave the house with the cloths I’m in. She finally picks some black trousers and a green shirt that I absolutely hate, but that don’t look as bad as I had thought they would on me. She finally lets me leave.

At this point, I am slightly freaking out. The date was supposed to start as eight o’clock and it’s a quarter to. To make things worse, I live across town from the place Will chose for us. I was planning on taking the subway, but if I did I would be over an hour later, and I don’t think anyone would wait that much for someone else.

As I am sitting at the back of the cab I decided to take, I start wondering why I suddenly cared so much about this date. I didn’t want it in the first place. Am I really so lonely that I think this little arranged date could actually mean something? No, it’s not that. I just have a feeling in my guts that this night might turn out completely different from what I am expecting. And for some reason, I can’t shake that feeling off.

The driver pulls up across the street from the restaurant. I pay him and leave, running to the other side of the street. Still not understanding what I am rushing to. As I enter the place, the feeling of someone else’s magic instantly hits me. The host greets me, and I tell her I am just here to meet my friend. I don’t need her, I just need to follow the magic.

As I approach the table where a black haired tall man is sitting, with is back turned to me, I can’t stop thinking that his magic feels strangely familiar.

“Hey, I’m sorry I’m late Ty. I’m Simon.” I pull back the chair in front of him and sit down. That’s when I look up and see him. A face I never thought I would lay my eyes on ever again in my whole life. And he looks exactly as I remember him. And I can’t believe that out of every single person in London, William had to set me up with Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch.

“What the actual fuck… Baz?”

 

Chapter Text

SIMON:

 

I stand up almost instantly to leave. This can’t be happening. How on earth did I end up on a blind date with my evil vampire ex-roommate? How did I end up here with the person who hated me more than anyone else in this world? I don’t intend to stay, and I suppose he doesn’t either. But then, as I’m passing by his side to leave through the door and to never look back at him, he grabs my wrist.

“Don’t go, Simon.” And I freeze. Did he just call me Simon? Did he just ask me to stay? Why would he want me to stay?

“Why?”

“Just… Just stay. Please. Dinner is on me. I am sure you can easily enjoy free food, even if it means you’ll have to talk to me.” He still knows me. I mean, he always knew me like no one else. We shared a room for 8 years, for fuck’s sake. He obviously knows me.

I don’t know why I do it, but I agree to stay. I sit down. He is looking at me with an expression I can’t decode. He looks as if he is seeing a ghost. Which I guess is true, considering we thought we would never see each other again. I finally take a good look at him. He looks slightly older. More tired. I guess he might not be a vampire after all, given that vampires don’t age. I think. But he still looks just as fucking gorgeous as he did back then. Only more mature. His features still sharp as ever, but softer at the same time. And his eyes don’t seem to radiate as much hate as they used to towards me. They don’t seem to be radiating any hate, as for now. Just wonder. And something else I can’t read.

 

BAZ:

 

When I grabbed his wrist and asked him to stay, I didn’t think he actually would. Now he is sitting down, waiting for me to say something. And I know I should, but I am sure my voice would crack if I did. Because, after all these years, I am seeing Simon Snow again. After all this time, he is right here, in front of me. And he looks more beautiful than I remember. I can sense his eyes on me, searching for an indication of what might be going through my mind at this moment. He can’t even imagine. I am an expert in hiding what I am feeling right now. I’ve been doing it since I was 15. But this is the hardest that hiding my love for Simon Snow has ever been. Because it’s been 7 years and he is just sitting across from me. He agreed to stay with me. And he doesn’t even look disgusted or upset. Just curious. And all the feelings I’ve had buried deep within me these years without him are just flourishing to the surface. I can feel his magic on my skin, and this feeling takes me back to when we were young, and careless, and immature. To that time when I just fought him to be close to him. To feel his touch, even if his touch hurt.

And William was wrong. He told me he found me a person I would fall in love with in no time. I won’t fall in love with him. That I know. But the only reason that I am not falling in love with Snow, is because I already am. Will found me the one and only person I ever loved. And I don’t know if I should be happy I am getting a second chance, or sad that I will just fuck it all up again.

 

SIMON:

 

The waitress approaches our table and I am really glad she does. Baz hasn’t said anything since he asked me to stay, and it is getting awkward. We both ask for our dishes and, as she is about to leave, Baz calls her back to tell her:

“Excuse me, just one more thing. Could you bring us some bread and loads of butter?” I look at him astonished. He winks at me and I feel something inside me melt a little. I know he used to know me like no one, but it has been 7 years. Almost as long as the time we spent together as roommates. And he still remembers. He still remembers how much I have always loved butter.

“Thanks.” I say. Not sure what else to do.

“Look, Snow...” He begins “I know we left things kind of wrong between us. And I have regretted that ever since.” ‘So, did I.’ I think. “I think we can use this dinner that Will so insistently planned for us to, maybe, leave it on a different note. A better one?” I nod. I don’t know what I am supposed to reply to that.

“I am sorry.” He says. I look at him with my mouth hanging and eyes opened wide. Did Baz just apologize? “I am sorry I made your life a living hell. I didn’t mean most of it.” He looks at me embarrassed. I still can’t find the words to say. “Oh, come on Snow. Stop looking like a fucking fish.” I close my mouth immediately. “You couldn’t actually think I was the evil person I played out to be.”

“I didn’t. I just never thought I would ever hear you apologize to anyone. Especially me.”

“People change, Snow.”

“You called me Simon before.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“You did. But it doesn’t matter. I am sorry too. I didn’t make your life too easy either. Always following you around and trying to convince everybody you were a vampire.”

 

BAZ:

 

‘You didn’t make my life easy’ I think. ‘But it was mostly because of how much I wanted you. And how hard I had to hide that.’

“Thanks, Snow.” I say. “Now we got that out of the way, can we talk about something else? Anything.”

“Yes.” He agrees. “For instance, we could talk about why you agreed to go on a date with a guy.” He can’t be serious. Do I really have to spell it out for him?

“I could ask you the same.”

“I’m pan.” He says. “Now you.”

“I’m 100% gay.” I reply. He looks confused with this. I’m here on a date with him. Not that this is a date anymore. Snow wouldn’t want to be on a date with me. But still, it was supposed to be. Why is it odd for him that I like men?

“But what about Agatha?”

“I don’t understand what you are asking me, Snow.”

“You fancied her when we were dating” Oh poor, Snow. Still so clueless after all these years. “You didn’t know it back then?”

“I did. I just flirted with Wellbelove to make you jealous.” I regret the words as soon as they leave my mouth. Even Simon Snow couldn’t be dumb enough not to understand what this meant.

“You really just wanted to get under my skin all the time. You were such a git, Baz.” Okay, maybe Snow was dumb enough to miss what that meant. I let out a relieved breath.

“I was. Still kind of am. But I’m improving that trace of my personality.”

“You are.” He agrees. “You haven’t made fun of me since we got here. And that is surprising, to say the least.”

 

SIMON:

 

At some point, we stopped talking about Watford and started talking about the years that went by since the last time we saw each other. I told Baz how I went to Oxford to study Computer Science, and how I worked in a Tech Company in London now. Baz went to Cambridge to get a degree in Mathematics, and worked as an analyst at the same bank as Will, which I already knew.

We talked about everything. He told me what he really wanted to do was to play violin in an orchestra. But, as it wasn’t an easy thing to accomplish, he settled for a career that would allow him to make a good living. I told him how I wanted to open a bakery where I could sell sour cherry scones like the ones we used to have back at Watford. But that I haven’t been able to bake such amazing ones, so the idea was on hold until I did. He laughed at this, remarking that he always felt I loved sour cherry scones more than I loved Agatha, back then. I admitted it that he might be slightly right.

I had a really good time. It made me wonder if this is what it would have been like to be friends with Baz back at Watford. I wondered if we could have shared these moments back then, these complicities. But I guess it just hadn’t been our time.

Of course, posh wealthy Baz had a car. And after realizing I was going to take the subway home, he didn’t let me reject his ride. I agreed to let him drive me home. Partially because I knew he would cast a spell on me if I tried to escape; and partially because I wanted to spend a little more time in his presence. I felt good. I felt the happiest I had been in a long time.

When Baz started the car, Taylor Swift started playing amazingly loud. I couldn’t hide my laughter as his speakers blasted “Don’t blame me love made me crazy if it doesn’t you ain’t doing it right”. And, instead of being embarrassed as I though he would be, Baz just turned the radio up, rolled the windows down, and started screaming the lyrics. And I think that was one of the best moments of my life, right there. Finally seeing Baz for who he really is. Just a boy. Just a sad little boy who grew up to be a less sad gorgeous man. Who apparently no longer cared what anyone though about him, considering he was blasting Taylor as we drove across London. As soon as I was able to stop laughing, I joined him. And something inside me shifted. Something changed right in that moment, as Baz and I speeded through the highway singing at the top of our lungs.

 

BAZ:

 

Of course, I took Snow home. I wanted to get as many moments with him as I could, considering this was probably the last time I would see him. I knew this dinner had been a success. We did have a good time. I knew Snow well enough to understand he was enjoying himself too. Yet, I knew this meant nothing. It was only closure for us. We would now be able to part ways not hating each other’s guts as much. Not that I parted ways the first time hating his, but he thought that to be the case.

As I pulled over next to his apartment building and turned off the radio, he looked at me smiling genuinely.

“Thanks for this Baz. The dinner, the ride, all of it. I had a really great time.”

“I did too.” I replied, not sure what else to say. I looked at him as the moonlight hit his face. The constellations of freckles and moles were on him, this time. I remember all those times I imagined them high up in the sky. Now… Now they were right here. And Crowley, I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to kiss him so badly. But I couldn’t. And I wouldn’t, because I didn’t want to ruin what we had both accomplished tonight.

So, I let him leave my car and simply waved at him as he walked through the door and into his building. Then, I drove away, tears in my eyes, and hole in my chest. Sure that this time, it really was the last time I would ever see Simon Snow.

Chapter Text

SIMON:

 

The moment the elevator stops on my floor, the doors from the two apartments that aren’t my own open instantly. I don’t even have time to react before I am being dragged into Penny’s flat and bombarded with questions.

“How was it?”

“Isn’t he hot?”

“Are you guys going out again?”

“What’s he like?”

“Didn’t I tell you he would be worth it?”

“Please, shut up guys!” I say, a little louder that I needed to, but loud enough for them to actually comply. “Let me breath, would you?”

“Come on Simon!” Penny says, with her nagging tone “You said we could talk about the date after you went on it. It’s after already.”

“I know I did, but you need to let me speak. Neither of you were doing that.” I say, looking at them accusingly. They all know I am right, because they do stop talking.

I know I should just say that I went out with Baz straight ahead. But I also want to make a little fun of all of them. They were the ones to put me in this position, in the first place. Not that I am complaining. This night gave me something I never thought I would have. It gave me closure. And, also, a little hope that after all this time, Baz and I could actually become something more than enemies. I really enjoyed his company tonight. And I definitely wanted to do this again.

“So, to answer your questions, it was great.” I begin. And I am not lying, it really was. It easily earned a place in my top 5 dates. I can see Penny is getting that ‘I told you I was right’ face that I hate. So, the mocking continues. “And he really is hot. Will, you weren’t exaggerating. This guy is seriously gorgeous. Although he kind of reminds me of a vampire.” I say, thinking that I should ask Baz if he actually is a vampire next time.

“Oh, come on Simon. I thought you were done with that vampire nonsense ages ago.” Penny says, laughing. 

“I thought so too.” I reply. And it couldn’t be truer. Yet, this vampire in particular walked right back into my life. For some reason, I’m truly glad he did.

“He is super cute. And polite. Although he is too sarcastic sometimes. But it is fine.”

“You lived with Baz, the epitome of sarcasm, for years. You’ll be fine.” Penny says.

“Yes, I will. And he is also kind of posh. But he drove me home, so I guess it made up for that.” Penny is clearly super excited by now, so I decide to just make it a little bit worse before dropping the bomb. “And I am clearly interested in another date. I guess you were right Pen, I’m glad I accepted.” Again, this is not a lie. None of it is. But I still can’t wait to see Penny’s face when I tell her who I went out with.

“Oh Simon, I’m so happy for you!” Penny stands up to hug me.

“Oh, Will. Just do me a favor and tell Penny here what Ty stands for.” I ask, grinning from ear to ear. Penny frowns, not understanding my request.

“Oh, he told you? It took me ages to figure it out. He must have really fancied you. Yeah, it’s quite funny. My friend’s name is Tyrannus. It’s a terrible name, that poor guy.”

Penny’s eyes go wide. She looks at me whispering:

“What an unusual name… I thought there wouldn’t be that many people in this world with such a name.”

“Oh, and there probably aren't. I just know one.” I say as her jaw drops.

“What do you mean you just know one. What about Baz?”

“What about him?”

“That was his name too.” She says, clearly missing my point. It’s unusual for Penny not to figure it out immediately. She must really think it would be impossible for Will’s friend to be Baz.

“I know that. You see Pen, the thing is that tonight, I went on a date with Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch.” And I don’t regret it. But that part, I would have to tell her later.

 

PENNY:

 

After Simon told us how he went on a date with Basilton, we had to explain the whole story to William. He found it fairly amusing, and we all had to admit it actually was. Although I sensed there was something else in his reaction. Slight regret, maybe? I would have to ask him about it later. Anyway, we had to admit it was quite funny. Out of every person in London, it was him William chose.

And Crowley, I must admit he chose well. At least for Baz he did. I have always known how Simon was totally Baz’s type. And, apparently, Will chose well for Simon too. After Simon told me about the date, I thought it would be the end of it. I thought that what Simon had said before the big reveal, that the date was amazing and all of that, was just to mock me. But apparently it wasn’t. And I know that since I am currently sitting on Simon’s couch as he tells me all about his date. And that he sounds a little too excited for it to have meant nothing to him.

“And then, as he turns the car on, Taylor Swift starts blasting out of his speakers. Penny, Baz listens to Taylor Swift!” I have to admit I always though Baz to be the kind of person that would drive to the sound of some classical tune. I guess there are a lot of things about Baz that have changed. Or that we just didn’t realize were true back at Watford. He built all those walls around him and never let anyone in. I am happy to know he changed that.

“That sounds like a fun date.” I tell Simon. He smiles and nods.

“It really was, Penny. I never thought I would say this, but I really had fun with Baz.”

“I don’t know what that means, Simon.” I totally know what that means. But I need him to say it out loud for me. I need all this to come from him. I need him to realize it by himself that he has the hots for Baz, his evil vampire ex-roommate. It is a little weird, I guess. They used to be sworn enemies. But at the same time, I don’t find odd at all. I honestly think they do make sense together. And I know Basilton agrees with me, given he was desperately in love with Simon back when we went to Watford. I wonder if this date brought that all back. I wonder if Basilton still loves Simon, after all this time. I figure he does, considering he asked Simon to stay. Considering he drove him home and sang Taylor Swift with him. I believe he must still love Simon, after all these years, considering he let his walls down. And they used to be high up in the sky, back then.

“I think… I think I might want to go on another date with him. Is that too weird?” I can’t contain my laughter.

“I don’t think it’s weird.” I assure him. “Why don’t you just call him and ask him out?”

“Hum… I kind of forgot to ask for his number.” I roll my eyes. Simon is the worst. Only he would forget such a thing.

“Why don’t you send him your number through Will? That way, he’ll know your interested. But at least you won’t get rejected if he is not.” Although he totally is. But I don’t say that part out loud.

“That’s a great idea. Thanks, Pen. You’re brilliant.”

“Yeah, I know.”

I can’t believe this blind date actually worked. Even if it turned out completely different than I expected. I think we might have actually found Simon love in the most unexpected place. In the most unexpected person. Truth be told, in the person I think makes the most sense of all.

Chapter Text

WILL:

 

I barely slept the night of their date. After Penny and Simon told me the story of who Ty, or Baz as they call him, really was, I couldn’t shake the guilt I was feeling. I am not even sure how I faced Ty the next day and kept my composure, because all I wanted was to hug him and apologize for what I had done to that poor heart of his. But that would mean I would need to tell him about that night.

A few months ago, at the bank’s Christmas party, Ty had gotten way too drunk on eggnog. To this day, I still wonder what else he had to drink, and where he found it, because I don’t see him as the kind of person who enjoys eggnog enough to get drunk on it. I had been the designated driver for the evening, thankfully, so I had driven him home. But man, was he trashed. He had fallen asleep with his head leaning on the storage compartment and, when we got to his place, I had been unable to wake him up. I had to half-carry him up his stairs and lay him on his couch. As I was about to leave, he had called me back to thank me.

That’s when the babbling started. He had begun by telling me what a great friend I was. He went on and on about how he treasured my friendship and how he valued me, and all that drunk honest bullshit. And then he started saying that if there was anyone in the world who could know, it had to be me. That’s when the confessions started. 

I had always tried to set Ty up with random guys, because I had the feeling he was lonely and needed someone. But every guy he met ended up as a one-night stand. Every single time. And that night, he decided to tell me why.

He told me how he had fallen in love, ages ago, with his old roommate from school. He told me how they were supposed to be enemies, and that he had always done his best to remain so. But that, deep down, he had always been in love with him. He called him the sun. He said countless times how he was in love with the sun. He told me that he had never loved anyone since, and that he had never really been in a relationship in his life, because of how he was still in love with the sun, after all these years.

He never told me who the sun was, and I never asked. The next morning, he didn’t remember a thing he had said. And I didn’t think it would be such a great idea to mention it, so I didn’t. But that’s when I had really started to look for someone for him. I wanted to find him someone he could love. Someone that could make him forget about the sun. Then, one day, I was over at Micah’s and Penny’s having dinner, when I looked at Simon and thought: ‘Hum… he could actually be perfect for Ty.’

And I promised my poor friend Ty I had found him someone he’d fancy. I told him I had found him someone he would be in love with in no time. I thought I had found him the person that would make him forget all about the sun. I had no idea I had found him the sun himself.

And I regretted that deeply. To put my friend through his misery again. To bring back to his life someone he loved so deeply, but that didn’t love him back. I had figured Simon still kind of hated Ty, from the way they told me about things at Watford. But then, today, he came to me with a piece of paper to give to Ty. Or Baz, as he said. A note with his number on (I admit I peeked).

Now, I am not sure I regret it anymore. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad thing, after all.

 

BAZ:

 

Will didn’t say anything the morning after the date. And I thought he might be saving all his speech for lunch, but he didn’t mention it at lunch either. I just assumed Snow had told them about me, and William probably already knew how I used to be a git and an evil vampire and all. He didn’t bring it up, so neither did I.

I wish I could say I soon forgot all of it, but that would be a great lie. If I had thought of Simon Snow every single day for the seven years that went by without seeing him, how could this make it any different? It just made it worse. Because now I knew what a grown-up Snow looked like. And how incredibly stunning a grown-up Snow was. His smile, the one the gave me while he thanked me for the night and before he left, was burnt on my brain.

I thought it was hard to love Snow, before. But it became incredibly harder now that I knew what to be friendly with him was like. Now that I knew what it felt like to hear him laughing because of something I said. Now that I knew what it felt like to drive down the highway with him by my side, singing along to Taylor’s songs. Now that I remembered how he looked like when the moonlight shined on his face and his freckles became the stars. Now that I remembered why he would always be the one I loved.

But I knew it meant nothing to him. I was sure I would never see him again. I was sure I would never even hear from him again, given that William has been pretending that he never set me up with Snow. I was sure that was the end of it. I was wrong.

William and I had just sat to have lunch when he looks at me and says:

“Look, Ty. We have to talk.”

“I know what that means. Have you cheated on me?” I mock him, faking a horrified face.

“I am serious.” He says, although he smiles a little. “It’s about Simon.”

“Seriously? Almost a week later you want to talk about that?”

“When they told me, I didn’t know what to say to you. I wasn’t sure if I should apologize or not. I had clearly no idea, as you must imagine. If I had, I wouldn’t have said anything.”

“I know. It’s fine. It was no big deal.” Lie. It was the biggest of the deals. It was everything.

“The thing is…” he says, and looks at me as if he fears I will react badly to what he is going to say next.

“Will, seriously, let it go. It’s fine. I know he hated it. I’m not expecting to hear from him again.”

“Well, that’s what I want to tell you.” He replies, taking a not out of his pocket. “He does. He wanted me to give you this.”

I look at the piece of paper unable to open it. My mind is going a thousand miles per hour. I’m considering every possible thing that could be written in that little note. My hands are sweating as I carefully open it. Written in Snow’s still incredibly ugly handwriting I can read ‘Maybe call me, sometime? Simon’ right next to his number.

“Cool, whatever.” I say, looking at William. Trying to make this sound as unimportant as choosing what cook for dinner in a month is.

“Cut the bullshit off, Ty.” He responds, laughing. “You’re bright red. I know it means something.”

“I will murder you if you tell him that.” I say, using my most threatening voice.

“Don’t worry, I won’t. I am slightly afraid that you might drain me.” I look at him trying to pretend I didn’t understand what he was implying. “You know” he whispers, “Because you’re a vampire.” And he laughs.

I mock punch him and put Snow’s note in my pocket. I have no idea what this means. But I’ll be damned if I don’t find it out.

 

SIMON:

 

I gave the note with my number on to William this morning. And I know he gave it to Baz because he told me so. And I’m already sensing the rejection, because it’s dinner time and Baz hasn’t called me yet. Or texted. Nothing. Penny says he is probably just taking his time. He doesn’t want to seem too eager to talk to me. He doesn’t want to seem too desperate. But I still can’t shake the feeling that he is going to reject me.

And I feel ridiculous. How did I ever think that dinner could be an invitation to be with Baz again? I should have leave it at that. We had closure and that was it. I shouldn’t have put him in this awkward situation. Now he will have to ignore me or straightforward reject me and it will make it all go back to what it was.

I’m freaking out. I’m regretting my decision so badly. I am already considering telling Will to call him and tell him it was a joke, when my phone buzzes. We were in the middle of dinner, but they all just look at me and scream “Go!”, and I comply. I search in every pocket of my jacket before realizing I left my phone lying on the couch. I pick it up, and I can feel Penny’s, Micah’s and William’s eyes on me. Looking for my reaction. I unlock the phone.

 

New Message

 

From: Unknown Number

Hey Snow.

It’s Baz. As I’m sure you guessed.

Would you be interested in going to that ‘Food from the world’ market that will be taking place downtown, this weekend?

I could call you Friday to work out the details.

 

I instantly hit reply, grinning from ear to ear.

 

To: Baz the Vampire

Heyyy Baz.

U kno I cant say no 2 food.

 

From: Baz the Vampire

You text like a 13-year-old, Snow.

I’ll call you on Friday, then.

 

To: Baz the Vampire

U text like a posh vampire.

Will b waiting. its a date.

 

From: Baz the Vampire

It’s a date.

 

I put down my phone and walk back to the table. All of them looking at me, waiting for me to speak. Since I don’t, Penny asks:

“So…?” I smile.

“I have a date.”

 

BAZ:

 

My heart is racing. I keep rereading the text, over and over again. He said it’s a date. What did he mean by that? It’s a date, date? Am I going on a date with Simon Snow? Am I misreading all of this? What is happening? Am I dreaming?

He said it’s a date. It’s a date. I look at my phone.

 

From: The sun

U text like a posh vampire.

Will b waiting. its a date.

 

I think I am going on a date with Simon Snow. Crowley, I am living a charmed life.

Chapter Text

SIMON:

 

I think this is the first time in years I am up before ten a.m. on a Saturday. And it’s completely useless to be awake so early, but I am way too excited to sleep. I never thought I would ever bee too excited to sleep over a date. And I never thought I would ever be too excited to sleep over a date with Baz. There were many times Baz was the reason for my sleepless nights. When I thought he was plotting all the time, down in the catacombs, I spent every minute he was gone awake, waiting for his return. I couldn’t sleep if he wasn’t asleep. I needed to know where he was at every second of every day. But those times were nothing like this time. I used to be unable to sleep out of suspicion. And a little obsession, too. But this time… This time it is different. I am no longer wondering what he might be doing to hurt me, more than I am wondering what he might be dressing later. I am not thinking how much of a git he is, but I keep thinking of his laughter. And his eyes. And his voice. And his touch, from that brief moment our hands slightly brushed together while we were walking to the car, after dinner. And although this all seems kind of new, I have also been writing a list in my head of things I might want to do to Baz. A list that I am sure was already halfway through when I thought of it. And maybe my obsession back at Watford wasn’t so much out of suspicion, as it was from attraction.

I hear my phone buzz when I am about to stand up to have breakfast. I pick it up, heart already racing. Could it be him?

 

New Message

 

From: Penny the mommy

You up yet? Nervous? Need help with clothing?

<3

 

I am disappointed it is not from Baz. Although it wouldn’t make much sense for him to be texting me, since we’re going out in a few hours. I hit reply before getting up.

 

To: Penny the mommy

Yes. Yes. And no. its just baz. he knows how i dress.

but also yes. maybe. i dont kno. im nervous.

just get here pen. <3

 

BAZ:

 

I didn’t sleep much tonight. Which makes it even weirder that I am up so early. I stayed up until late hours creating scenarios in my head of how I would fuck up this date. And when I was too tired to do that, but I still couldn’t fall asleep, I just thought of Snow. I thought of his eyes and how they shined when I turned the radio up and started singing to Taylor. I though of how warm his skin felt against mine, when our fingers ever so lightly brushed up against each other as we walked to the car. I thought of how he seemed to have even more freckles and moles than I remembered. Of how many more constellations I could trace on his skin, if only he’d let me. I thought of his smile, the one he offered me before he left. The first genuine smile that was actually directed at me. I thought of his hair, and of how much I’ve always wanted to put my hands through it and mess up even more those already messy curls. I thought of all the things I have always wanted to do to Simon Snow since I was fifteen. And all the ones I only later discovered I also wanted.

It was not the first night that Simon Snow kept me awake. It was not the first night I had stayed up until late hours contemplating how much I loved him. And I am sure it wouldn’t be the last, either. But it was the first night in my whole life that I thought of Simon Snow with hope. Hope that all that I was feeling might not be my curse, after all.

We had agreed I would pick him up after noon and would drive us to the market. I had already decided that I would be blasting Queen B today. I remember how Snow used to listen to Beyoncé while in the shower, so I figured he would sing along to her too.

Last night, we had spent nearly half an hour on the phone as I told him the tents that would be at the venue, and he told me how he always wanted to try whatever food it was that was typical from those countries. And I didn’t even care if all he talked about today was food. I didn’t even care if this wasn’t an actual date-date, and I had misread the situation. I didn’t even care because I was spending time with Simon Snow. The love of my fucking life. And even if all he wanted was to be friends, I didn’t care. I’ll take what he is willing to give me. Whatever that is.

 

SIMON:

 

I walk out of the building and immediately see Baz leaning against his car. He is in a grey V-neck and a black leather jacket. He has some really cool sunglasses on, and he is wearing jeans. Baz. Baz is wearing jeans. I suddenly feel as if I just walked right into the Twilight movie. Meeting the handsome vampire in sunglasses. As I reach him, the first thing that comes out of my mouth is:

“Baz. You’re wearing jeans.” He lets out a full laugh.

“You didn’t think I wore a suit everywhere, did you?”

“Well, no… But it took me by surprise.” He smiles at me at opens the door to the car for me to enter. I blush lightly from the gesture. When he turns on the car, it is Beyoncé that is blasting this time. I look at him inquisitively.

“I thought you might want to remember all those shower concerts you used to give back at Watford.” I blush a lot this time. I had never thought he had heard that. But I shouldn’t be surprised, considering he probably has super vampire hearing. (I should really ask him about that). On the other hand, I am incredibly astonished he still remembers it. There are a lot of things Baz remembers about me that I didn’t except him to. He remembers a whole bunch of little details I never even thought he had noticed back then.

“Aren’t you going to sing, Snow?”

“Only if you do.” I dare him. He just laughs and turns the radio up. And we roll down the highway, once again, singing together at the top of our lungs.

 

BAZ:

 

Snow looks little a little kid in a toys store. He made me visit every single tent in the park to see what they had to offer. And is now going back and forth between them all, unable to decide what he wants to try. Or rather, what he wants to try first. I am sure we won’t leave this place without him trying a dish from every single one of the countries. That’s partially the reason why I chose this place for today. I figured I could keep him here, with me, longer than anywhere else. Because as long as there’s food, Snow is happy. Even if he is with me.

He finally settles for Indian food. We sit down on a wood table in the middle of the market as we have lunch.

“So, Baz…” Snow says with his mouth full of curry. “How come I never saw you eat back at Watford, but now you’re eating in front of me with no problem?”

“Maybe you weren’t paying enough attention, Snow.” I reply, realizing how stupid this sounds. He was always paying attention. He was always watching me. Sometimes I liked to pretend he did that because he was also secretly in love with me. But I knew that not to be true.

“You know that’s hardly true. I was always paying attention.”

“I have to agree with that. I don’t know Snow, you probably just don’t remember it.”

“You sure it has nothing to do with you being a vampire?”

“Seriously Snow, after all these years you still hung up on that?” I knew this was bound to happen. I knew he would come back to the whole ‘Baz you’re a vampire and I’ll prove it’ thing. For a split second, I wonder if that is all this is about. Him still wanting to prove that I’m evil. But then I remember how much fun we had the other night. And how he looked at me and smiled. And I choose to believe that he is here because he enjoys my company. Or the food. Probably the food, but still counts.

“I’m just joking. I know you won’t crack this easily. But in order for this relationship to work you have to be honest with me. And you’ll eventually have to tell me.”

I cock an eyebrow.

“Is this a relationship? I think I missed the part when we decided that.” He becomes instantly red.

“You know what I meant.” He manages to say. “This relationship as in we spend time together and we’re friends. Not like a relationship-relationship. Just friendship. Probably should have gone for friendship.”

“I was just kidding, Snow. Don’t need to get all worked up about it.” I say, smirking. He throws me a threatening look, but eventually smiles. For some reason, I really enjoyed his reaction. I know I had always been able to get reactions of this kind out of Snow. But this one was slightly different. He was embarrassed instead of angry. And it was good. That I made him like this. I think. Unless I was misreading all of the signs.

 

SIMON:

 

After I had tried every single dish from every single tent, Baz and I took a walk around the park. Although we had arrived at lunch time, the moon was already out. I didn’t know how late is was, but it had to be past 8. I was, again, having a really good time with Baz. As we walked further away from the market and near to the bridge, we started to get closer. It is already spring, but it is still pretty cold at night, here. I remember how Baz used to be really cold all the time, and figure he is probably just getting closer to me because I am pretty much always radiating heat.

“Remember when we used to fight over the window?” I ask him, as we halt by the river to look at the moon. He smiles.

“How could I forget, Snow? You were such an asshole. Even in the middle of the fucking winter. When it was snowing!”

“But the room felt like a furnace with the window closed!” I argue.

“It did not, Snow. It’s not my fault you were always so fucking hot.”

“Ah! You just told me I was hot.” Baz blushes.

“You know what I meant.”

“Still, you said it.”

“Cut it out or I’ll toss you down the bridge.”

“You would not. Although you did throw me down the stairs, once.”

“It was an accident!” He says, throwing his hands in the air. I laugh and give him a slight nudge. He immediately tenses.

“I know it. I was just making fun of you. And I am sorry about the window.” He looks at me with those deep grey eyes. As the moonlight illuminates them, they remind me of the moon itself. They are just pure grey now, and deep as the ocean. But I know (how do I know this?) that on stormy days they imitate the storm itself. His eyes are scouting me, trying to figure out what is going on in my mind. And I feel his magnetic field pulling me towards him, closer and closer. I feel a sudden need to kiss him. To find out what his lips taste like. What he feels like.

And then, out of the blue, a random dog just jumps on Baz making him fall to the ground. A worried owner follows right after, apologizing while running to us.

“Buttons, you know you can’t do that!” The woman says, looking apologetically at Baz. “I am deeply sorry, Sir. I hope she didn’t hurt you.”

Baz gets up, shaking the grass off his jeans and laughing.

“It’s okay, ma’am. She is a dear.” He says, petting the dog who licks his hand. The lady calls the dog and they both leave, apologizing to Baz once more. He looks at me and smiles.

“Well, we should probably go.” I say. His smile falls a little, but he nods. I don’t want to go, just yet. But at the same time, I am afraid of what is to happen if we stay. I almost kissed Baz. My not-so-evil-anymore vampire ex-roommate. And I almost did it because I wanted to. And this is new. I think. At the same time, the list in my head says, ‘kiss Baz’ right at number one.

 

BAZ:

 

Snow remains quiet the whole ride home. I put some Miles Davis on because he doesn’t seem like we might want to sing, and I kind of need some jazz to put my mind off things. We nearly kissed earlier. I am sure I didn’t misread that. And then that cute dog knocked me down, and the moment was gone. And I don’t know where that leaves us. I think he might be regretting this. All of this. And that is why he wanted to leave right after the near-kiss incident. I feel my eyes filling up with tears and keep them straight ahead on the road. Snow can’t see me breaking. It would reveal too much. And if he is regretting this already, he can never know how in love with him I am. How in love with him I have always been.

He seems too lost in his own thoughts to be paying any attention to me, though. I don’t know what is going to happen once we get to his place. I fear what he might say this time. I fear that he might tell me how big of a mistake this was. How he still hates me for all that happened when we were kids. And I don’t think I am ready to hear hurtful words coming from his mouth again. Not after what happened.

I pull over next to his door.

“This is your stop, Sir.” I say. He gets out of his trance and looks at me. For a second, I think of what could happened if I kissed him. If I just kissed him before he could say all the painful things he is about to say. Just once, to know what it feels like to kiss the sun. But then he smiles at me, just like last time. And I am not so afraid anymore.

“Thank you for today, Baz. It was amazing. You know well that the way to keep me happy is to feed me. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?” He says, and leans towards me, planting a kiss on my cheek. As he is entering his building and looks back at me to wave, I am still in the same position I was. I wave back and start the car again. I drive all the way home with a hand on my cheek. I can feel his burning hot lips on my skin as if he was still here kissing me. And even if I never get to kiss him, this will remain with me until my dying day.

When I get home, I see I have a new message.

 

From: The sun

Who the fuck calls their dog buttons?

Chapter Text

BAZ:

 

I don’t know where Snow and I stand. Since that date where we almost kissed, he calls me nearly every day. Even when he doesn’t call, he still texts me throughout the day to tell me funny stuff he saw, or just regular stuff that happened to him. We went out a few other times since then, and we’ve been having lunch together at least two times per week. But we never again had a moment like the one right before Buttons the dog appeared. And I don’t know what is happening, because I can no longer read him. Sometimes, it fells like he is flirting with me. Sometimes, it feels like he actually wants to be more than friends. But then, most of the times, I can’t be sure. He almost kissed me, and then he really did kiss me, even if it was only on the cheek. But then we just went on to pretend nothing like that ever happened. And I want to do something about it. I want to kiss him so badly it hurts. But I also don’t want to fuck this all up because I am misreading the signs. Maybe they aren’t even any signs at all. Maybe all I am going to get is friendship with Snow. And although it hurts like hell that I will always love him, friendship is more than I ever thought I would have. And it is better than nothing, right?

 

SIMON:

 

I have been cursing myself for weeks for not kissing Baz the night of our date. The moment had been right there, and I had let it go to waste. And when he dropped me off at home I had chickened out and kissed him on the cheek. Way to go, Simon Snow.

Now, I don’t know where we stand. I can’t read him. I can’t understand if he actually feels the attraction I do, or if I am just misreading this. I mean, I though he was flirting with me, and I thought the food market day had been a date. But now, I wasn’t so sure anymore.

We had been together a few times since the date. We had grabbed lunch most days, since we apparently work close to each other. I sometimes wonder how we never crossed paths before, considering we have been living and working fairly close since we both finished college. But I am glad we didn’t, because I don’t see any other possible scenario of us becoming whatever it is we are now. This wouldn’t be what it is if it wasn’t for Will setting us up.

I was just about to leave work that Friday afternoon, when I sense my phone buzzing with a new text message.

 

From: Baz the vampire

Hey Snow.

The park downtown is having a pastry market this weekend.

Would you like to grab some scones after work?

 

My heart skips approximately three beats as I immediately hit reply. Going back to the park where we almost kissed seems like a great idea. I feel that if we were ever to be as close as we had been to kiss, it had to be there. I just hoped Buttons didn’t show up this time.

 

To: Baz the vampire

best idea ever. when u leave?

 

From: Baz the vampire

Already did. I’m kind of at the door.

 

I smile instantly and pick up my stuff to leave. I remember thinking how I didn’t know what is was that I was looking for. That I only knew how I haven’t found it yet. When Will told me about Ty the first time, I was sure I couldn’t find it in some guy he thought was perfect for me. ‘Crowley, was I wrong.’ I think, as I run down the stairs to meet Baz.

 

BAZ:

 

I need to figure out what we are doing. I need to find whether Snow sees me as a friend or as something more. I need to see if I stand a chance, because not knowing is eating me alive. But I also know I will probably just fuck this thing up by asking, so I decided to spend a good possible last day with him. I brought him to the place where we almost kissed the first time. I am going to feed him a bunch of cakes and scones. And only later will I bring the ‘what are we’ topic. For now, I am just going to enjoy his company.

“Baz, these scones are amazing” Snow says, with his mouth full of a chocolate scone with a lot of butter. “You have to try this.”

“I know you’re not a fan of sharing your food, Snow.” I say, grinning. He still insists, and tries to feed me a piece of butter with a little bit of scone on it. I blush a little bit, but accept it. He is looking at me with those beautiful ordinary blue eyes, waiting for my call.

“Yup, there pretty good.” I say, liking my lips. I can see him tracing the movement with his eyes and blushing. It’s moments like this that make me believe that I am not imagining things. That Simon Snow could actually be interested in something more than being friends.

“Still not as good as sour cherry scones from Watford, though.” he says. I laugh. I knew he was going to say this. I am pretty sure Snow feels about those scones the way I feel about him. They will always be his long-lost love.

“Seriously. Now the only thing I regret from Watford is never asking cook Pritchard for the recipe.”

“You know you can still go there, right?” He shrugs.

“I know. But I think it would be too weird.”

I almost offer to drive him there now. But I don’t. To be honest, I don’t really want to go back there either. It would be too weird for me as well. It would be too odd to go back to the place were we almost killed each other a bunch of times, now that we are on good terms. So, I don’t push the subject anymore, but make a mental note to call my cousin, cook Pritchard, to ask him for the recipe. I know he will willingly give it to me. He always liked me more than he liked the rest of the family. It would make a good surprise for Snow. To serve him those, if I ever managed to get him up to my flat. I am hoping that I do. One day.

 

SIMON:

 

This time, as we walk towards the river, is not dark yet. The sun is setting on the horizon, and the sky is pink and blue and a little grey from all the clouds. This is still London. We are walking, once again, really close to each other. Every time our fingers brush together, I can feel the electricity of Baz’s touch all the way up to my neck. I shiver, although I am not cold.

We sit on a park bench, looking at the view. I love this hour of the day. Everything feels still. And, right now, I feel like the whole world stopped and we’re the only two people still here. I can feel Baz’s gaze on me, and his ever-burning magic on my skin. I want to look at him, but I also don’t want to ruin this moment just yet. I know I am going to spill out all I am thinking the moment I open my mouth to speak. And I am going to destroy this. Whatever this is. Because I am sure he doesn’t think of me the way I have been thinking of him. How could he? I am a mess. After all these years, I am still a mess. I am still the same clumsy and prone do disaster little boy I was back then. Back when he hated me. And my mind is racing, trying to figure out where I went wrong. And how I could I be feeling like this for someone who could never return my feelings.

I look at Baz. He is staring at me with those deep grey eyes and I feel a shiver run down my spine. And my mind just wonders what is the worst that could happen if I just kissed him, right now. Would he punch me? Would he push me away and leave? Would he insult me? I could take it, I think. We did that all the time when we were young.

“Simon…” Baz whispers, his eyes never leaving mine. And I swear I could just lean in a little closer and kiss him right now. Because I want to. Because I think I am falling in love with him. I think I am going to do it. I am going to kiss him.

And then, he kisses me.

 

BAZ:

 

I don’t know what urged me to do that. But he was just right here. The low sun was hitting his face and I could see his eyes shine. His golden curls just danced with the wind. And all those freckles, and all those moles that I have been dreaming of every single night since I was fifteen were so close that I could count them. And I just needed to kiss him. I couldn’t fight in any longer. The gravity, the desire, the longing.

For a second there I regret it. Because, as my lips touch his, Simon freezes. But then he is grabbing my hair and he is pulling me closer and he is kissing me back. I am kissing Simon Snow. And it is infinitely better than I had imagined. I run my hands through is curls, as I had always wanted to do, and I am taken by surprise at how soft they feel, even though they always look so messy. I didn’t expect this to get a big reaction out of him, but as I am doing it, Snow just pulls me even closer and deepens the kiss.

He is doing a thing with his jaw that I like, and I let one of my hands rest on the back of his neck. I have no idea how it happened, but Snow is practically on my lap right now. My skin burns in every spot he touched, and I never want this moment to end.

But every great moment does. And suddenly, I feel something chewing my shoe. I unwillingly let go of Snow and look down to see Buttons having too much fun destroying my shoes. Her owner appears running from behind us, screaming for Buttons to stop. Snow can’t stop laughing, but he still hasn’t got off me, and hasn’t let go of my hand.

“I am so sorry, Sir.” The woman says, looking at us. Then, she smiles brightly. “She must really like you two!” Buttons has already managed to climb to the bench, and is leaning against my leg. Snow and I pet her as she barks happily.

“It’s alright ma’am. She is still a dear.”

“Come on, Buttons.” The lady says, picking up her dog. “Let’s leave these two gentlemen alone. They were busy.” And she winks at us, before turning around and disappearing.

“Well…” Snow says, hiding in the crook of my neck. “At least she didn’t ruin it this time.”

“I am glad she didn’t.” I say, putting my arms around him and hugging him tightly. He looks at me, bright red.

“I am too.” He whispers back.

And then, this time, it’s him who kisses me first.

Chapter Text

BAZ:

 

If I could take back the text I just sent, I would. I am regretting it as soon as I hit send. As the minutes go by and Snow doesn’t reply, I keep regretting it more. It was too soon. I shouldn’t have invited him over early in our… whatever this is. He doesn’t like me enough to want this already. I look at the screen and re-read over, and over again, what I just texted him.

 

To: The sun

Hey Snow. Want to come over for dinner tonight?

 

I shouldn’t have done this. But I was so excited over the fact that cook Pritchard finally sent me the recipe for the scones, that I didn’t even think this through. Of course, he will take this the wrong way. Or else, he will take it the right way, but he will think that I am pressuring him, and that was not at all the point.

We’ve been going out for over three months now. I don’t know if we’re boyfriends, because we never really said that, but we’ve had countless dates in numerous places. And we have lunch together nearly every day. But we haven’t crossed this line yet.

I have been dropping him home after every date, and we usually stay in the car for a while, just snogging. But he hasn’t asked me to come up yet. And I am starting to think that he never did because he doesn’t want to. But that didn’t even cross my mind when I sent that text. Okay, it might have crossed my mind, but that was completely not what all this was about. It was about the scones. I made a baking test last night, and they turned out amazing. I am fairly good cook, so I shouldn’t be surprised. But they were pretty much spot on. They took me back to Watford for a moment, and I wasn’t even that much into those scones. I am pretty sure that if I ever get a shot at making Snow really fall in love with me, this is it. Scones are the way to his heart, if there is one for me.

But it’s been almost half an hour since I sent him that text, and Snow hasn’t responded yet. He always texts me back in seconds. And I am going crazy.

I fucked this up. I fucked up the only shot I got in my life to be with the person I love.

Way too go, Basilton.

 

SIMON:

 

I am freaking out. I have re-read his text a thousand times and I don’t know how to reply. Baz just invited me to his apartment. And I am no fool, I know what that means. And Crowley, I want to say yes. But I also don’t know if I should.

I’ve been trying to work up the courage to invite him to come up whenever he drops me off at home. But then, I always chicken out. It feels too real. I don’t even know what we are. I don’t even know if we’re on the same page. I mean, I am completely falling in love with him. But if he doesn’t feel the same, it will hurt too much once it’s over.

That’s why I am trying to avoid this step. Because I know it will make everything worse. I don’t think I have ever had sex with anyone I had real feelings for. It was always just about pleasure. But this time, I feel like it might be different. It might mean something more. But it might not be like this to him. This we have been doing… I don’t know what it is. I don’t know if it actually means something for him, if it is just pure desire, or if it is his final plan to destroy me. I know it is ridiculous to think of this, but I guess old habits die hard.

So, I am not sure how to respond to this. Although I really want to say yes. I mean, who wouldn’t? Baz is incredibly handsome and so fucking hot. I should be proud of my apparent self-control to have been able to resist this long. And I am not sure if I should, or even need to, resist for any longer. And, although I really don’t enjoy talking about my sex life with other people, this is one of those situations in which I need Penny. She’ll know what to do.

 

PENNY:

 

Simon has been walking around my kitchen for half an hour now and, for the looks of it, he doesn’t intend to start talking anytime soon. He knocked on my door a while ago and, as I opened it, the first, and only, thing he said was:

“We need to talk. It’s Baz.”

Then, he proceeded to march into my kitchen and begin this senseless walking around that has been taking place until now. I am trying not to lose it, but this is too much. I mean, the way he is behaving it seems like Baz proposed to him. I think that’s the only situation I would admit such a reaction. But I am guessing he probably just confessed to Simon he is a vampire and Simon is freaking out. For no reason whatsoever.

I never agreed with Simon when he started with his conspiracy theories of Baz’s vampirism, but I thought he was sure of it. And I knew of it since we started Watford. Baz wasn’t exactly discrete in the beginning. And I am extremely observant. But I figured from the start he wasn’t a threat to anyone, and decided to keep quiet. When Simon started suspecting of it, I usually disagreed with him because I didn’t want him to go tell the whole school and ruin Baz’s life. And I am glad I hid my knowledge, considering how things turned out.

I look at Simon, still walking around my kitchen and mumbling incomprehensible things to himself. He looks like he is finally about to talk, but then regrets it. I don’t think I can take this much longer.

“Simon, what is it? You’re driving me crazy.” He halts and looks at me, pulling a chair and sitting down. Finally.

“It’s just that… Baz invited me over.” It takes every bit of my self-control not to bury my face in my hands. Seriously? Is this all this is about? I can’t believe he his freaking out over such a normal thing.

“I need you to elaborate. Because that hardly sounds like something to freak out about.”

“He texted me earlier inviting me to come over for dinner. And I know bloody well what that means, Penny.”

“Okay. Yet, I still don’t see the problem.”

“You don’t see the problem?” Simon throws his hands in the hair and looks at me annoyed. “If I say yes, we’re going to have sex!”

“Simon, you know you don’t necessarily agree to sex just by accepting his dinner invitation, right?”

“Yes, I know. But if I say yes, there will be sex. Because I won’t be able to control myself.” I look at him confused. So, if problem is not that he doesn’t want sex, what is?

“Honey, I’m lost. Then what’s the problem?”

“The problem is that we’re having sex! And it’s too early!”

“What do you mean it’s too early? It’s been over three months Simon. I have seen you bring people over after knowing them for one night.”

“But that was different.”

“How was it different?” I kind of see what he is getting at now.

“Because it is, Penny.” He says, looking down at his lap.

“That doesn’t clarify it, love.”

“It’s just that… those people meant nothing.” He is bright red. I don’t understand how my best friend can be more embarrassed to admit to me he has feelings for Baz, than to rant about his sex life.

“And Baz does?” I didn’t need to ask him that to figure out the truth. But I needed him to say it out loud. For himself. Because he needs to admit to himself how he is completely falling for Baz.

“Yes.” He finally discloses.

“And why would sex ruin that?”

“I don’t know. If he doesn’t feel the same, every step further will be something to mourn about later.”

I can’t believe how clueless Simon can be sometimes. But I guess I shouldn’t be surprised he hasn’t figured out yet how in love with him Baz is. Baz spent the last few years at Watford desperately pinning over Simon. If he didn’t realize it then, why would he do so now? However, I am not going to be the one to tell Simon how much his boyfriend really loves him. That is for Basilton to do. But I can’t let him think he is dating someone who doesn’t feel a thing for him. That couldn’t be further from the truth.

“Simon…” I say, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. “You’re wrong. This means something for Baz too. And you should ask him that, if you doubt it. But I can see the way he looks at you. This is not nothing.” It is everything. But I can’t tell him that much.

“You really think so?”

“I know so.” He smiles at me and hugs me.

“Thanks, Penny. You’re the best. Sorry for freaking you out.”

“It’s alright, Si. But now you should probably text your boyfriend. He is probably freaking out right now.”

“I don’t know if he’s my boyfriend.” He responds with a smile. “But I am guess I am going to figure that out tonight.”

 

BAZ:

 

I jump when my phone beeps. I have been staring at it for the past couple of hours. Since I sent that fucking stupid message. I have been losing all hopes that he would respond at each minute that goes by. But now my phone is lightening up and it says I have a new message from the sun.

I am trembling as I hit the open button. I am waiting for an enormous text where Snow explains why this is not working. Instead, I am greeted by 3 words. And, right now, they are the best three words I could read.

 

From: The sun

What time there?

Chapter Text

BAZ:

 

I’m slightly freaking out. Snow will be here at any minute, and I am fixing up my bed for the tenth time. It’s probably useless. I’m sure nothing is going to happen. But there’s nothing wrong in making sure everything looks perfect. Just in case something does happen.

I made us lasagna for dinner, because that’s what Snow ordered the night of our blind date. To this day, I still don’t know if that counted as a date or not. Maybe I should ask him sometime. I also have the cherry scones batter ready to put in the oven as soon as we start dinner. Without him seeing it, of course. I want him to be surprised. I want to see him guessing why my apartment suddenly smells so much of sour cherry scones. And I want to see him tasting them. I hope they’re as good for him as I found them to be. I hope that, if they take him back to when he was young, they’re still not enough to make him hate me again.

Suddenly, I hear the doorbell and my heart stops for a moment. ‘This is it, Baz. You got this. You can do this.’ I think, as I rush to the door, almost falling twice on the way, and let him into the building. After a while, I hear him come up the stairs. We don’t have an elevator. Or rather, we have one that has been broken for ages. I see him finally reaching the last step, completely out of breath. It is a long way. I live on the top floor.

“I… can… now… see… how… you’re… so… fit.” He manages to let out, before collapsing into my arms.

“I am sorry.” I say laughing and holding him while e recomposes himself. “I forgot to mention the elevator thing.”

“Yeah, you did.” He says, smiling at me, slightly less tired now. “Hey.”

“Hey.” I answer, leaning down to kiss him. It still feels new every time. Although we have done it so many times I lost count. My heart still feels like it’s going to burst out of my chest whenever he grabs my hair while we’re kissing; or when he holds the back of my neck and lets one hand rest in the small of my back; or when he does that bloody amazing thing with his jaw that I love. It drives me insane. And I am sure he knows it, because he always pushes the right buttons.

He grabs my hand while I walk him into my apartment.

“So, Simon, welcome to the vampire den.”

“You admitted!” He says proudly, squeezing my hand.

“I guess I did, Snow.” He laughs. And then looks at me with a serious expression.

“I had always though there would be some kind of big reveal. This is slightly anti-climactic.”

“You know I could just be joking, right?”

“I know. But you weren’t.”

“I wasn’t.” I admit. He squeezes my hand once more.

“I am glad you trust me enough to tell me.” I kiss the top of his head, my heart still pounding so loudly I am sure he hears it. I have been trying to find a way to tell him about this without making a big deal out of it. And in a way I could easily deny if he reacted wrongly. I came up with this earlier today, and it sounded like the perfect opportunity to test him. Thankfully, it worked out.

“So, you’re not going to show me around?” he asks.

“Only if you want to.”

“I do.”

 

SIMON:

 

Baz is showing me his apartment, but I am hardly paying attention at what he is saying. Firstly, because he just admitted to me he is a vampire. And that feels like something he would only do if he trusted me enough. If he cared enough. And secondly, because he’s shown me every room in his house but his bedroom. And now that we’re heading there, I am just praying that I can control myself and not jump on him. Not before I get a chance to talk about what we are, to make sure we’re on the same page.

“Where’s the coffin?” I ask him teasingly. He laughs.

“Sorry to disappoint you, Snow. But I sleep in a bed like everyone else.” He turns around and starts walking towards the living room. I sigh relived. I survived this round.

He tells me to sit down at the table he set for us while he grabs dinner. I comply, looking around the living room and paying attention this time. His house is nice. Which is no wonder. Everything about him always is. He apparently has the eye for interior decoration, because everything matches everything else in a tasteful way. His furniture is dark, but it contrasts with the light colors of everything else, so it is not dim at all. He has a great amount of photographs hanging on the walls. I know he told me to sit down, but I want to see them. I walk around the living room admiring each one of them. I can see his football team pictures from Watford. He has one for each year he was on the team, and you can clearly see him grow a little more every year. I feel the blood rushing to my cheeks as I spot the last year’s photo. I suddenly remember how hot I thought he was, even back then. I guess part of my obsession has always been a little bit out of attraction.

He also has pictures with his family. Some are recent, because he looks just like he is now, and I can see a woman I assume is his step-mother. But most of them are old. From when he was little, and his mother was still alive. After the Mage was arrested, everyone found out how Natasha Pitch was murdered by vampires. And everyone knew Baz was there. Now that I know how he really is a vampire, I figure that was when he was turned. That’s why he looks so different in these pictures. His skin was darker, and he was always blushing. He looks warm and happy. Unlike the Baz I met a few years later at Watford. The Baz I now know, thankfully, resembles this little kid more than he resembles teenage Baz. At least when it comes to warm smiles and happiness.

I can hear him rumbling around in the kitchen while I walk back to the table. Then, he appears with a huge plate of lasagna. I can feel my mouth water.

He sets the lasagna down and gestures for me to serve myself. I immediately comply. As I take a bite, I swear I can see stars.

“What the fuck, Baz. This is amazing. How come I never knew you were such a great cook?” He laughs.

“You never asked me, Snow.” I don’t think he understands what he is doing to me. I mean, it was bad enough that he is incredibly handsome, utterly interesting, and sexy as fuck. But now… now he cooked for me and I swear this is what heaven would taste like if you could eat it. Crowley, I am head over heels for this man. And I decide I need to have the ‘what are we’ conversation right now. Before he can do something else to make me fall for him even harder.

“Baz, we need to talk.”

 

BAZ:

 

Fuck. What did I do wrong? He is breaking up with me, I know it. No one ever says ‘we need to talk’ before giving good news. I knew this was a mistake. I tried to move too fast and he figured out how I feel. And now he needs this to end, because he doesn’t feel the same.

“What is it, Snow?” I say. Thankfully, my voice doesn’t crack.

“I… wait, do I smell scones?” Is he kidding me right now? He can’t just say that and then stop only because the house smells like scones.

“Snow. What. Is. It?” I need him to continue before he knows of the scones. So I know that whatever he is about to say will not be influenced by him being high on sugar and cherries.

“Oh, right that. Look, I don’t know what we’re doing here. And I need you to know that I have always been a terrible boyfriend. You could ask anyone who has had the bad luck of experiencing that.”

“I don’t see what you’re getting at.”

“It’s just that I don’t know what this is.” He says gesturing between us. “But I like it. All we’ve been doing. And I want this. I want to be your terrible boyfriend. That is, if you’ll have me.”

If I wasn’t dead already, I would be by now. Apparently, there is one person in the whole world who says, ‘we need to talk’ before giving good news. And that person happens to be my boyfriend. I can’t believe I can finally say this. Simon Snow is my boyfriend. I stand up and walk to him. He is looking at me with fear in his eyes. And I still can’t understand how he hasn’t figured out how I crazily in love with him I am. I kneel in front of him and take his face in my hands.

“Simon…”

“Yes.” He whispers.

“There is nothing I want more than for you to be my boyfriend. I was just afraid we weren’t on the same page.” His face lights up with a huge smile. And then he launches himself at me, kissing me with such force we both fall back into the floor.

 

SIMON:

 

Baz lifts himself up and pulls me up with him. I don’t want to let go of him just yet. I am so happy I feel my heart is going to burst out of my chest. But, on the other hand, I really need to know why it smells so fucking much like sour cherry scones.  

“Baz, seriously though, why do I smell scones?” If I am not mistaken, and that rarely happens when it comes to scones, this is bound to become the best day of my life. Baz laughs and kisses my cheek.

“Just sit down, Simon. I’ll be here in a minute.”

I do as he says, but can’t sit still. I am already drooling, sure Baz is going to show up at any minute holding a plate of scones. When he finally does, I wonder if I am dreaming. He puts them down in front of me and gestures for me to take one.

“Try them.”

I do. They’re still burning hot, but I don’t care. Of course, Baz didn’t forget the butter. He brought a whole pack of it. I spread the butter in one of the scones and take a huge bite. It burns my tongue and my eyes water a little. And, suddenly, I am 10 again and I am having my first scone at Watford. Then, I am 15 again, and I am having my thousandth scone at Watford. And I am 18 and I am having my last scone at Watford. And now, I am 25 and I am having my first real sour cherry scone in 7 years. And it tastes just like childhood. It tastes of the past. It tastes of a different time, and a different place. And I can’t help the tears from escaping my eyes because they taste just like Watford’s. And I don’t know how Baz did this, but this is the greatest thing anyone has done for me in a long, long time.

“How did you do this?” I ask, before eating another scone, this time whole.

“Well, I phoned my cousin and asked him for the recipe.”

“Who the fuck is your cousin and how does he know cook Pritchard’s recipe?”

“My cousin is cook Pritchard.” He says, laughing. “I though you knew that.”

“If I did we wouldn’t have been enemies back at Watford, love.”

“I take it you like them.”

“I love them Baz. They are exactly like the ones we had back at school. I could eat them all.”

“You can. I made them for you.”

I don’t know what I did to deserve him. But thank Crowley for that. I can’t believe I am eating sour cherry scones that my boyfriend, Baz, just baked for me. I reach for his hand from across the table.

“Thank you for this. For everything. You’re amazing.”

“You don’t even know the best part.” He smiles, sliding a piece of paper in my direction. I pick it up and it reads ‘Watford Sour Cherry Scones’. It’s the recipe. I look at him astonished.

“For when you finally decide to open that bakery of yours.”

I no longer want to control myself. I stand up immediately and rush towards Baz. Then, I pull him out of his chair and throw myself at him. This is the best night of my life, so far. And I intend on making it even better. I kiss him deeply, pressing him against the nearest wall. He is kissing my neck in that spot he always does, and he is pulling my hair and I am already losing it.

And I want him. I want him now.

“Maybe you could show me that bed of yours again.” I say, both of us panting. He looks at me with a mischievous smile, cocking an eyebrow.

“Gladly.” He says, taking my hand and walking me to his bedroom, once again tonight.

“Just to be clear… I’m saying this because I want to have sex. With you. My boyfriend.” I say, so that there’s no room for misunderstandings. He laughs loudly.

“Always the smoothest, love. I got that. And I want to have sex with you, my boyfriend, too.” He says, throwing me on top of his bed and jumping right after.

 

BAZ:

 

My head is resting on Simon’s chest and I can hear every beat of his heart. He has been asleep for a while, but I can’t. I can’t close my eyes and miss this sight. I need to memorize every detail of this moment, so I can keep it with me forever. He is sound asleep, and my head is moving with each breath he takes. This night was everything. And even if I never get to have another night like this with Simon, my boyfriend, ever again, I will still get to have this night to remember, forever.

Simon is mumbling in his sleep, and it takes me back to when I was fifteen and stayed up all night watching him roll around his bed. I remember how the moonlight used to shine on his skin, and I used to imagine his freckles where stars. And he, himself, was the sun. The biggest of them all. And I was crashing into him. And now… now I am laying down next to him. And his arms are around me, and I can feel the warmth of his skin on mine. It feels so real I almost forget that I am half dead. And this moment, right here, takes me back to all those times I thought I would never get to have this. A happy ending. Or at least a happy middle, if this happens not to be my ending.

I remember being 15 and thinking of, when I died, I would do so knowing I had never kissed Simon Snow’s lips. And it would be my biggest regret. Now… I’ve done it so many times I’ve lost count.

I remember being 18 and thinking of, when I died, I would do so never knowing of how many stars there were in Simon’s body. And that, would be my biggest regret. Tonight, I found out he has exactly 378 freckles and moles spread all over. And, when I die, I will die knowing how I kissed every single one of them.

Now that I am 25, if I were to die right this moment, my biggest regret would be that Simon never knew how much I truly love him. How much I have always loved him. It’s still too early for that, I think. I don’t suppose he feels the same. Maybe he never will. But a man can dream. And while I do, I just hope I don’t die in the meantime.

Chapter Text

SIMON:

 

I was resting my head on Baz’s lap as we watched Sherlock. He is spending the night at my place before flying to New York first thing in the morning. He will be attending a Symposium for the bank and will have to stay there until next year. I thought Baz and I would be spending New Year’s Eve together, with Penny, Micah and Will. But then, this work thing came up and my plans went to waste. I was looking forward to beginning a new year with him by my side, but there is nothing he can do to avoid this. It will be worse for him, since he will be spending New Year’s Eve alone. Although he will be spending it in New York, which I guess makes up for it. At least partially.

Baz is playing with my hair as he looks attentively at the television. I have seen this episode before, so I am just observing him. I love how his eyes make little wrinkles on the sides when he finds something amusing. Or how he opens them a slight bit more than usual when he is surprised. His jaw tenses whenever something dangerous is happening, and he frowns slightly when he finds something mysterious.

I can’t take my eyes off him. He is such a sight. And I can’t stop but wondering how the hell I go so lucky. The universe has some strange ways of making things work. Ten years ago, if someone told me I would be dating Baz by the time I was 25, I would have laughed so hard I would have probably fainted. But now… Now I can’t see a future that doesn’t include him. He is everything I never knew I was looking for. And I love him. I love him so much it hurts. He doesn’t know that yet. I haven’t been able to work up the courage to tell him, even though I want him to know. I want him to know even if he doesn’t feel the same. I want him to know he is everything.

 “Simon.” Baz says, looking at me. It’s always Snow this, Snow that. He only calls me Simon for important things. I sit up straight.

“What is it?”

“I hum… I want to give you this.” He holds out an envelope that came out of nowhere. I pick it up.

“What is it?”

“It’s a plane ticket. The bank offered me an extra ticket so that I could take someone with me to New York. Since it’s New Year’s Eve and I would be spending it alone. And I want you to have it. You just have to call the airline and book for whenever you want. I know you work until the 29th so you could maybe fly there on the 30th? I mean, if you want to come, of course. It is fine if you don’t. I understand if you’d rather stay here with Penny and the guys.” I am looking at him and I can’t believe this is happening. Baz is actually offering me a ticket to go with him to New York. For New Year’s Eve. And he actually thinks I could say no to this. I mean, I love Penny, and spending New Year’s Eve at hers and Micah’s is always a blast. But this is New York we’re talking about. And with my handsome and amazing boyfriend. Only an idiot would say no.

“Of course I’ll go with you!” Baz’s face lights up with a big smile. “Although, maybe I should worry if this is not the final stage of your grand plan to finally get rid of the Chosen One.” His smile drops immediately.

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“You know, your great plan. You had so many years to plot my downfall, this could be it. You could be planning to kill me when no one I know is around to rescue me.”

Baz stands up, clenching his fists. I can see his jaw tensing up. That’s when I realize I fucked up.

“If that’s what you think, then I shouldn’t be here.” He says, and before I can even react, he is out the door. I call for him while he runs down the stairs, but he doesn’t reply. When I get to the street, he is already gone.

What have I done? Fuck.

 

BAZ:

 

I keep my eyes on the road although I can barely see a thing. I haven’t been able to stop the tears since I left his apartment. I can’t believe he would actually say that. I can’t believe that, after all these months, that’s what he thinks of me.

I’m headed to Fiona’s. I can’t come back home tonight, because my apartment is filled with his things. I can’t go to a single place in that flat without some memory of something we did there together. I can’t avoid him at home. And, right now, the last thing I want is to think of him.

I can still hear his voice loud and clear in my head. ‘You know, your great plan. You had so many years to plot my downfall, this could be it. You could be planning to kill me when no one I know is around to rescue me.’

I thought he knew how much he meant to me. I thought he had it figured out by now. How much I love him. How much I always have loved him. I guess I was wrong. He doesn’t know. And even after all these months, even after I show him a side of me no one in the entire planet knows of apart from him, he still thinks I want to hurt him. He still thinks I am plotting. He still doesn’t trust me. And I know I shouldn’t have left. I know this is the worst way of dealing with this. But I can’t handle it right now. I can’t handle that my boyfriend (if I can still call him that after leaving his house out of the blue) doesn’t know how all I want is to make him happy. I can’t handle the fact that he doesn’t know how much I love him. Even if it is partially my fault, since I never told him that.

 

SIMON:

 

I fucked up so badly. And I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know why I said that. It was just supposed to be a joke. But I really hurt Baz, because he would never leave like that under any other circumstances. And I understand it. I basically just became my past self for a second. Accusing him of plotting, of planning my demise. After all this time we’ve been together, it just tells him that I still don’t trust him. And that’s not true. I do. I trust him with my life. But that was a hell of a bad way of showing.

I called him a million times last night. I texted him even more. I took a cab and knocked on his door for over an hour, but he didn’t open it. I couldn’t find his car parked anywhere and figured he probably went somewhere else tonight. Probably to his aunt’s. He told me once she is the person he goes to when he needs to vent. I didn’t know where Fiona lived, so I gave up. And decided to sleep it off. Maybe in the morning I could wake up to find this day never happened. That it was only a nightmare.

I wasn’t that lucky. It’s morning already, and Baz still hasn’t called back, still hasn’t text back, and I still fucked up just as badly as it seemed last night. And, although it is only 8 am and it is Sunday, there is only one person who could help me with this. And I need her. Now.

 

PENNY:

 

I wake up to the familiar sound of Simon’s knock on my door. He always does it the same way so that I know it is him. Micah mumbles something I can’t decipher and rolls around to the other side. I kiss him lightly on the cheek before, unwillingly, getting up. I know this has to be something serious, because it is 8 am and it is Sunday. And Simon never wakes up so early on weekends. When I open the door, I can see something immensely wrong happened. Because Simon has bags the size of a house under his eyes. And I can see they are still bloodshot from crying. I suddenly remember Baz was supposed to fly out to New York today. My heart skips a beat as all the worst-case scenarios flash through my mind.

“Simon what is it?” I ask, visibly concerned.

“It’s Baz.” He says, walking into my living room and sitting down. I brace myself for the news. I am not ready for this. “I fucked up last night.”

I breath out in relieve. I swear I thought something terrible had happened. It appears that it was just an argument. With that I can deal. I’m used to it. It was pretty much all I did back at Watford.

“What happened?”

“It’s… hum last night Baz invited me to fly out with him to New York, for New Year’s Eve.”

“So?” I don’t see how that is argument material. Even if Simon said no, I knew Baz wouldn’t be angry. He was pretty understanding, nowadays.

“And I was super happy and obviously said yes.”

“Yet, you’re not at the airport. So, what happened?”

“I kind of fucked up by saying this could be his final plan to kill me and get rid of the Chosen One, once and for all.” He mumbles after a while. I nearly scream. I promise you I only stopped myself from doing so out of respect for my neighbors. I can’t believe this actually happened. I can’t believe Simon could actually say this to his boyfriend. Aleister Crowley, of course Baz got mad. I would too, if I knew Micah thought I was trying to hurt him.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now, Simon Snow?”

“It was just a joke. But I know he was hurt because he basically ran out of my flat and hasn’t said anything since. I even went to his apartment, but either he wasn’t there, or he didn’t let me in. I’m figuring it is the first, since I rang the bell for at least one hour straight.”

“No wonder he is hurt Simon. Crowley, you know how he hated when you did that back at Watford.” My best friend is a complete dumbass sometimes.

“Yes, but I was right then. He was plotting all the time. But I know I am not now. It was wrong. I know Penny.”

“You weren’t right then either, Simon. Baz was never planning your downfall.”

“Yes he was, and you know it.”

“Oh, for crying out loud, you can be so clueless sometimes it actually hurts, Simon.” I regret the words as soon as they leave my mouth. Now I am going to have to explain the whole thing to him, because I know he will ask. And he does.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean, Penny?”

“Nothing. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Penny. What. Does. That. Mean?” When he uses that voice, I know he is serious. And I have to tell him. I take in a deep breath.

“Look…” I say, looking at him in the eyes. “I wasn’t supposed to be the one saying this this to you. After all, it is Baz’s secret to tell. But I understand that if there is a moment when you need to know the truth, it is now.”

“What truth? Penny, you’re scaring me.” I can see he is tense. He looks at me, urging me to continue. I can’t back out now.

“Baz was never plotting your demise. If anything, he was plotting how to hide from everyone the way he felt about you.”

“I don’t understand.” I was hoping he would catch the drift, but you really have to spell it all out for Simon. I proceed.

“Honey, Baz has been in love with you since he was 15. And I know that for two reasons. First, because I am extremely observant and saw the way he looked at you back at Watford. And second, because he got drunk once and told Will he had never dated anyone for real because he was still in love with his roommate from school. Aka, you.” Tears run down Simon’s face as I tell him this. His eyes are opened so wide they could almost fall out.

“I can’t believe this.” He says sow lightly it’s barely a whisper. “Now I really understand why he got so upset. Penny, I need to fix this. I need to get to the airport and stop him before he can leave. He has to know I love him too.”

And he is out of my door before I can even respond. I walk back to bed, still half asleep, and wishing for Simon not to do something stupid. Again.

 

SIMON:

 

For the first time in my life, I take a huge risk and use magic in front of Normals. I make it as smoothly as I can, but I do it because I need to get to that airport before Baz leaves.

I catch a taxi within seconds by using Taxi’s Here and get to the airport within minutes by whispering Make Way To The King so that the driver wouldn’t listen.

I can still hear Penny’s voice loudly in my head ‘Baz has been in love with you since he was 15’. How could I have missed that? How could I not know? It all made so much sense. All the signals were there. He pretended to hate me, but there is a reason I caught him staring at me so many times. I remember waking up in the middle of the night thinking I had just seen him with his eyes open and staring at me smiling. I even remember hearing him mumbling my name in his sleep. I spent all those years thinking he was plotting, when he was just dealing with his huge crush on his roommate. And he was still in love with me. After all this time. After not seeing me for 7 years. That is probably why he asked me to stay that night. When Will set us up. I remember seeing something in his face I couldn’t read. Now I know. He was seeing me, after all those years, and remembering how he felt. And fuck, it must have hurt like a bitch. And here I was, wondering if it was too soon to tell him I love him. When he has been hiding that for almost half of his life.

And then, I just had to go and ruin this by trying to make a joke and accusing him of plotting. When he never did that in his life. I needed to find him. I needed to see him and apologize for what I had said. I needed to tell him I love him. He needs to know.

After finally figure out to what gate I should go to, I start running like crazy. I just pray to whatever god there is that the plane is still there. When I am turning the corner, I can still see a bunch of people around the door. I run even faster. When I get there, I realize I am on the wrong side of the airport. Across the glass, in the other terminal, I can see Baz’s plane take off.

Fuck. 

 

BAZ:

 

You’re supposed to sleep on these long flights. And I should be sleeping, considering I couldn’t last night. I stayed awake until dawn thinking of Simon Snow. Of how much I love him and how much I want him to know that. Even though he clearly doesn’t, since he can’t even trust me enough to believe I am not plotting. That I have never been plotting. That I am with him because I want to. Because I love him. Because this is the best thing that ever happened to me. And Crowley, now I don’t know. I don’t know what this means. I don’t know what we are anymore.  

I didn’t even have the courage to open his countless texts. I was sure they were just angry texts. Possibly break up texts. After this, I don’t know anymore. I love him. I don’t want to lose him. But this… this was too much. I can’t be with him if he doesn’t trust me. And it hurts. It hurts so much to think of a reality in which Snow and I are not together anymore. It hurts to think that I had all in my hand, and just let it go.

I love him. But I guess that isn’t enough to erase all I’ve done in the past. At least not for him.

 

SIMON:

 

The minute I saw that plane take off, I ran to the closest ticket office. I needed to be in the next possible flight to New York. I cursed myself for not bringing the ticket voucher Baz had offered me, but I didn’t have the time to think about that. I needed to be on that plane. Fortunately for me, there was one seat left on the flight leaving for New York that day. Unfortunately for me, that flight only left in twelve hours. Which meant I had to wait almost a day before I could apologize to Baz. Before I could make things right between us.

I didn’t text him anymore, because what I needed tell him was too important to be said over text. He never opened any of the texts I sent him last night, but I didn’t care. I was coming for him. I was going to make this right. I wasn’t going to lose him over some ridiculous and senseless joke.

I called Penny from the airport, telling her what I was doing. After a while, she showed up with a suitcase packed with clothes for me to take to America. I hadn’t even considered it. I was just going to run off there with the clothes I had on and nothing else. Thank Crowley for my best friend who is always looking out for me.

I also called the office and told them I needed to use my emergency vacation days. I always saved a few days for emergencies every year. This is probably the first time I was using them. But I needed them. I wasn’t going to wait until the 29th and make Baz spend 2 days alone in New York thinking of the hurtful things I had said.

Gladly, he had shown me the hotel he would be staying in, where the Symposium would be held. And once I got there, I just had to follow his magic to figure out what room he was in. And I didn’t know what I would say once I found him, but I could think of that out later. Right now, all that I know, is that I need to see him. I need to apologize. And I need him to know that I love him.

 

BAZ:

 

I have always loved New York but, tonight, New York is just bringing me down. I thought of walking around the city for a while once I dropped my bag off at the hotel and checked into the room. This place is really close to Times Square, so I figured it would be nice to walk around there for a while. I had forgotten how impossible it is to walk around Times Square. I ended up coming back to the hotel in a matter of minutes. Now, I am just laying on my bed and thinking about how I am going to fix this.

By now, I know I should have stayed and talked to him. I should have. It was a rush decision to leave and I regret it now. And, as the minutes go by, it gets worse. I tried to call Simon earlier, not caring how much I would pay if he actually picked up, but his phone was turned off. I still hadn’t found the courage to read his texts. I fear what I might read there.

I am exhausted, but I can’t sleep. I can’t shut my mind off. Every time I close my eyes, I see him. I see him and his golden curls. I see him and his ordinary but amazing blue eyes. I see his smile. I see him, and his 378 freckles and moles scattered all over his body. I feel his touch, his warmth. I feel his lips on my skin, and his skin on my lips. And regardless of of how this situation might turn out, I will always see those things, and feels those things. He has always been in my mind. Crowley, I spent seven years not seeing him and yet, dreaming of him every night. And now… now it will be worst. Because I know what it is like to be with Simon Snow. And I will know what it is like to lose Simon Snow.

I can’t stop the tears that run down my face, blocking my vision. I wished so badly he was here. I want him to be here. From where I am laying, I can see out the window. It is impossible to spot stars in the middle of the city. But I still wish on an imaginary shooting star for Simon Snow. And for a moment, I swear I can feel Simon’s magic invading my body.

And then, I hear a knock on my door.

Chapter Text

 

BAZ:

 

I rush to the door with my heart pounding in my chest. I know it is him. Nobody else’s magic feels this way. Nobody else’s magic feels as familiar as his. When I open the door, I’m still hit by surprise. How is he here? We’re 3 thousand miles away from London, we had the most stupid argument two nights ago, and yet he is here. I am so happy to see him I could cry. We stay there, just looking at each other, for I don’t know how long. I can see he doesn’t know what to do as much as I don’t.

“Simon, what on Merlin’s name are you doing here?” It sounds harsher than I intended. But I really don’t understand why he flew across the ocean to meet me after that stupid fight.

“Apologizing.” He answers, looking at me.

“You flew 3 thousand miles to apologize?” My voice cracks this time.

“I did. Can I come in? It feels weird to have this conversation in the hallway.”

I nod and step aside for him to enter. He brings a suitcase with him, and drops it on the floor next to the door before marching into the room. I follow.

“Look, Baz. I am sorry. I am really sorry. I know you’re mad, and I get it. But it was just supposed to be a stupid joke.”

“I didn’t feel like a joke.” I reply. “You sounded like you used to when we were young.”

“I know, but I didn’t mean it. I tried to explain it to you, but you disappeared out of the blue and I couldn’t find you. You didn’t return my text or my calls, and you weren’t home. I didn’t know what to do, so I flew here to tell you I didn’t mean it. You know I don’t think that of you. I used to. But I don’t anymore.”

“But why would you say it then? Maybe subconsciously you do. You still don’t trust me.”

“But I do. You know I trust you. And I am sorry. It was a ridiculous thing to say. And I shouldn’t have. But I don’t want to lose you over this ridiculous argument.” He looks at me, waiting for my reaction. I don’t know what to say. He doesn’t want to lose me. Simon Snow thinks he could ever lose me. Like I would ever be able to let go of him, even if I wanted to.

“I’m sorry too, Simon.” I say, finally holding him in my arms. And he holds me back so tightly I can hardly breathe. But I don’t care. I don’t care. He is here. And he doesn’t want to lose me. I am never letting go of him. “I shouldn’t have run out on you.”

“It’s alright love. We were both gits. We’ve always kind of been.” I chuckle a little. That’s when he looks at me with a serious expression on his face. The one he only makes when he suddenly remembers he forgot something important.

“What is wrong?”

“I can stay here, right? I kind of came on an impulse and have no place to stay tonight. Or any other night, for that matter.” I laugh. Like he even needs to ask this question.

“Of course you can stay here.”

“Good.” He says, smiling and kissing my cheek. “Now, there’s something else we need to talk about.”

“What is it?” I no longer find it odd that Snow talks as if he is going to present me with some horrible news before every important conversation we have. Not that we have had that many, but whenever we did, it was always like this.

“So, I was talking to Penny after our argument...”

“Yes…” I don’t see what he is getting at.

“And she told me off for saying what I said to you. And she was right, we’ve established that. But she also explained to me why it hurt you so much.” Okay, now I am kind of seeing what he is getting at.

I always knew Bunce had it all figured out. Even before, at Watford. She is a very perceptive and observant person. And she used to catch me staring at Simon all the time. She would give me that sad look I hated, but she never told him anything. There was some kind of unspoken agreement not to mention it. Even now. I knew she had figured out how I was still in love with Simon. And how I had always been in love with him. And the unspoken agreement we had made back then, still stood. She didn’t say anything to him. Until now, apparently.

“I… well. I guess you know, then.” I say, looking at my lap. I don’t know what else to say. I can feel his eyes on me, and I am afraid to look. I am afraid to find pity when our gazes meet. I love him, but I don’t want him to stay with me just because he feels sorry for me.

“So it was true, what she said?”

“I don’t know exactly what she told you. If you tell me, I can confirm or deny it.”

“I would actually rather hear it from you.” He says, reaching for my hand. I take a deep breath. Well, I guess this is it. I guess I am about to tell him the whole story.

“You see… the truth is… I love you. And I am sorry if that’s not what you wanted to hear, but I do. And I have been in love with you for longer than you can imagine. We were 15 the when I first realized how I felt for you. And sad as it may be, I never stopped loving you. Not even after spending 7 fucking years without laying my eyes on you. Even though I was sure I would never see you again. But then, I did see you. And it hurt like hell because it just made it clear I could never love anyone but you. And now we’re dating, and everything you do just makes me fall more and more in love with you. And it’s fine that you don’t feel the same. I mean, you used to hate me. This is still an upgrade. I get it if you don’t want to stay with someone who loves you when you don’t love them back, though. And…”

“Hold on, hold on, hold on.” Simon suddenly says. “You’re joking, right? You know I love you too.”

I finally look at him. Did I just mishear this? Did he say he loved me too?

“What did you say?”

“I said I love you too. I haven’t been in love with you for as long as you have. But I love you now. And you know that.”

“I didn’t know that.” I whisper. He looks at me surprised. And then he does that face he does when he remembers he forgot something.

“Oh fuck. I didn’t say that earlier, did I? I had planned on saying it before asking you if it was true, but I must have forgotten.”

He looks at me embarrassed. And I just lean down and kiss him. Because I don’t think words could ever express how I am feeling right now. He kisses me back with just as much force, and I doubt I have ever been happier in my entire life.

I am 25 now. And if I died now, I would have no regrets left. Simon Snow already knows I love him. And he loves me back.

Aleister Crowley, I am living a charmed life.

 

SIMON:

 

I’ve been walking around the city in the mornings while Baz is attending the Symposium. Baz can only fly back to London on the 5th of January, since the conference only ends on the 4th. And I decided to stay here with him instead of flying back home earlier. I have never been to America, and I figured it would be a good idea to take this opportunity to know this city.

Tonight, is New Year’s Eve and Baz didn’t have to work. We’ve slept in this morning. I fact, it is past noon and Baz is still half asleep. I wanted to go to Central Park this morning, but I don’t see that happening any sooner. But I don’t want to wake him up. I know he has been tired.

This week has been amazing, even if we have not been spending as much time together as I’d like. He works the whole morning. Sometimes afternoons too. But we walk around the city whenever he is free. After we manage to get out of the hotel. It’s always hard to leave such a warm and cozy place with an enormous bed. At least when you have a boyfriend as hot as mine, it is.

He rolls around the bed a little, only settling after finding me. I can’t help but smile. I love it when he pulls me closer and how he always kisses the exact same mole on my neck when he does that. After a night together, we almost seem like a person with a normal temperature. He cools me down and I warm him up. We really do match.

“Morning love.” He whispers, planting a lazy kiss on my cheek.

“Good morning sleepy head. You finally sick of this bed?” He opens one of his eyes and looks at me.

“Never tired of beds with in you them.” He says, smiling that playful smile I know so well. I stick my tongue out at him, although I blush a little.

“Come on Baz.” I say, trying to get lose from his grip. “I want to go to Central Park.”

“Just five more minutes.”

“Fine. But really just five more minutes.”

“Okay, just five. Can’t I convince you to stay a little longer than that?”

“You can not. I want to go and see New York.”

“You sure about that?” He says, kissing me neck. I can see what he is trying to do, but I won’t let him.

“Positive. Your five minutes are counting.”

“Fine.” He whispers, pulling even closer and kissing me properly on the mouth. I wish I had more willpower to resist him. But when he starts kissing my freckles all the way down my chest, I know we’re not leaving anytime soon. I would say he won, but I wouldn’t call this exactly losing.

I guess Central Park can wait.

 

BAZ:

 

We arrived at Central Park three hours after Simon told me I only had 5 minutes. I’ve been here before, the last time I came to New York. But I’ve never been here with Snow, and that changes everything. Taking Snow some place new is always an adventure. He can’t stand still, and changes his mind about what he wants to see next at each second. And it is adorable seeing how excited he gets over the littlest things. Now, for example, he is staring at a flower he found that he thinks is beautiful. And I have never seen someone so excited over a random flower on the side of the trail. We’ve been walking around the park for a while, and this thing is endless.

“This is so beautiful.” He whispers, as we approach of one of the ponds on the park. It is freezing cold, but he still wants to sit by the water and look at sky. The night is falling, and we will have to get back soon. We have a reservation at the hotel restaurant. The bank bought us New Year’s Eve dinner and we’re not wasting that away.

“Thank you for bringing me here.” Simon says, after a while.

“I didn’t bring you here.” I say. “You flew here all by yourself on an impulse because we’re both dumb and had a stupid fight.”

“True. But you were still bringing me here, nonetheless. The ticket is still somewhere back at my place.” I laugh pulling him to me.

“You’re very welcome. And I am sorry you had to fly out here under such lousy circumstances.”

“If it hadn’t been for it, I wouldn’t know how irresistible I am that even the person who hated me the most fell in love with me.” I give him a playful nudge.

“You’re the one to talk. You fell in love with me too!”

“I did.” He says, smile and leaning towards me for a kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Simon.” And I know, right at this moment, I am never letting him go. Ever again. And I think he is fine with that.