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Welcome my dears
Stumble around,
We've got the worst
Housekeeper in town.
Pardon our dust,
This place is a dive,
But it's hard to clean
When you're buried alive.
Trapped in time are we,
This House has ceased to be!
Our Name has been struck
From Time Lord history!
Doctor in the House
Linen-suit of white
Hat upon his head
and holds his brolly tight.
Not been here for years,
Six seventy-three,
Time to reunite
with his dear family.
Seems he has misplaced his TARDIS,
His companion's lost his mind...
Dreaming other people's dreams
And flitting back and forth 'cross time.
Doctor in the House
Got a lot of sass
Ducking down and hiding
from the looking glass.
Come pull up a chair
They're rather oversized,
Since we're never children
it's to fool the eyes.
Everybody meet the Cousins,
In total we were forty-five
Woven from the same cloth;
It's a wonder any have survived!
Companion in the House
In the dark again...
Is it 'cause he's blond or
has he lost a friend?
Here's a crime to solve,
Chief witness is deceased,
And Chris keeps goin' over
like a fallen tree,
Drudges try to chase the Doctor
His brain is leaking like a sieve...
Chris is the receptor?!
This is much too crazy to believe!
Welcome, Miss Ace
Leela as well
Best grab your leathers;
this trip will be hell.
Armed to the hilt
Pushovers NOT!
You mess with them and
it's trouble you've got.
Romana gets them free,
But she herself must flee
the Celestial
Intervention Agency!
Blow the capital
Head out towards Mount Lung
Sneak inside the House -
the fun has just begun!
Wild Earth Mother leads,
Followed through the scene
by a Dalek-killing biker
in a crinoline!
Fresh fish falling from the fireplace,
For dinner it's a miracle!
Anything but tafelshrew
and feathergill and fungus gruel!
Chaos in the House
The Doctor's turn to flee
They've all forgot the Laws
of Housepitality
Quences hid the will
Glospin stopped his hearts
Badger's hiding something
in his stuffed-toy parts,
Time for us to find the Cousins,
Most of them have gone away,
Hiding from the drudges,
Bearing years of grudges,
Otherstide will be a fun-filled day!
Ferrain has reached the House.
Conspiracies galore!
He wants the Doc to work for him,
oh what a bore!
Romana's got a plan
Clever little lass,
The Sisterhood's arrived;
the Curse to lift at last!
Andred's gone and knocked up Leela,
Who is next we cannot say,
Bio-clocks are wound up --
Now we know why Chris wanted to stay!
[[Glospin's lament:]]
I used to dream
That I would be the kithriarch
But thanks to Wormy
I've been left here in the dark . . .
Wormhole in the House
Such a little toad!
Anomalies exist
in his genetic code!
First get him Disowned
Then get him Replaced
Anything to run that bastard
off the place!
He always was Quences' favourite,
Innocet's wrapped 'round his thumb,
Framing him for murder's
How I shall come in into my own!!
(Chorus) Doctor in the House
(Glospin) No Cousin of mine!
(Chorus) Loomed just like the rest of us
(Glospin) He's from the Other time!
(Chorus) Who he was before; too terrified to know -
(Glospin) Simply put: A Monster! With his Hand in tow!!
(Chorus) Ace and Leela blow the rafters;
Satthralope has lost her spouse!
Neither cruel not cowardly!
(Glospin) This House should belong to ME!
(All) Leaving Cwej and his House key, He's the Doctor in the House!