It's general opinion it is hard to keep on hating somebody if you have to go to sleep with them every night and wake up with them every morning. Shadis shares this opinion.
Jean thinks his parents' marriage is proof of how patently untrue that general opinion is. Eren, with all his intense dislike for Jean, might have snickered a little when he expressed the concept. Shadis told them both to shut the fuck up.
In the end it's totally their fault, for picking that fight not twenty minutes after Shadis told them next time he caught them was going to give them a week of shared bunks (the fight was about whose fault it is they fight so much, in case you're wondering).
Not that they're going to admit it, or try to take this as a learning experience of any kind. As Eren's head peeks up the bunk and looks at Jean, all sprawled on it, all they do is stare nastily at each other, both thinking of the best way to throw the other on the ground while he sleeps without it looking like it's their fault.
Jean begrudgingly moves to the side only when it becomes crystal clear that nobody wants to risk punishment by exchanging bunks with Eren. He's still taking up too much space with his stupid body, in Eren's opinion, and Jean tells him that he can go fuck himself and this is his bunk, and Eren shoves him, and Jean shoves back, and there's a brief scuffle.
"Jeez, you guys could at least wait for lights out before starting to fuck."
Somebody, probably Reiner, snickers.
For a long second, they stare at each other in horror, going more and more red. Jean reacts first - he shakes Eren off and leans from the side of the bunk, down to were Connie sleeps.
"What the fuck did you just say?"
"Well, the moment Eren got up there that bunk started creaking and shaking like nobody's business. I mean, you weren't even trying to be sneaky about it."
This time, Reiner full out laughs, and more snickers and chuckles add to the chorus.
"We were fucking fighting!" Eren answers, leaning next to Jean.
"Hey, don't yell in my ear, idiot," Jean mutters, with less heat than he would use normally, since he's focusing all of his anger into glaring at Connie.
The rest of the barracks takes this as cue to explode into comments and laughter.
"Oh, that's how they call it nowadays? Fighting?"
"Such passion! Such fire! You got yourself one hot little thing up there, Jean."
"I'll warn you, they're pretty traditional down in Shinganshina, Jean, and Eren is a honorable maiden."
"Yeah, Kirstchein, do what you want, but his sister will make you marry him if she finds out."
The combined forces of Jean's and Eren's death glares is enough to shut up the rest of the kids, but Connie is made of tough stuff. He raises his hands in a gesture of mock surrender and beams brightly at them.
"I'm happy you're getting laid, Eren, brother, but don't interfere with other people's shuteye. You can wait until we're all asleep tonight before making your beloved yours."
"I am going to kill you now," Eren announces.
He looks like he would be perfectly capable to, and he would launch himself bodily down at Connie from the bunk if Jean didn't grab him by the shirt.
"The fuck you're doing?"
"He's just trying to get a raise out of us, right? So when Shadis comes for lights out he'll catch us out of the bunk and we'll be punished even more."
Eren blinks at him.
Jean bites back a comment on how idiotic Eren is, because he really is fucking tired, and Shadis is actually coming to check soon, and he doesn't need to have points detracted because of Eren.
"Just go to sleep." He regales Eren with his best evil grin. "Tomorrow we'll think of something good, teach him to fuck with us."
Eren answers with a cruel smile of his own. Jean has a lot of faults, like, a massive amount, but if one good thing can be said about him is that he's an extraordinary accomplice for practical pranks.
"Connie, you're dead meat!" Eren yells down before pulling back.
"Wow, giving up on the fight because Jean told you so? The wifey's got your ass whipped, Eren."
"Connie, stop it. If they start fighting for real they're keeping us up all night," Marco points out, putting a end to it for the time being, since they're all too tired to find the idea entertaining.
Eren is still death-glaring at the world at large, and Jean sighs, deciding that if he isn't reasonable then no one is going to be.
"Look. This is the middle of the bunk, right?" he says, drawing a line on the mattress and carefully placing a spare strap on it. "We put this here, and this will be like, I dunno, Wall Sina, and I'm in the Inner City and you're in Wall Rose."
Eren narrows his eyes at him and pushes the belt towards Jean.
Jean rolls his eyes.
"Whatever," he says, and lays down on the bunk, giving his back to Eren and resolving on ignoring him until morning.
Jean shuts his eyes tight and grits his teeth as he feels Eren, behind him, tossing and turning, again and again. Let it go, Jean, this is not his bunk, he's got a right to be uncomfortable, he repeats himself. It's just for a week, you can survive a week, right? Come on. The MP doesn't share bunks.
Luckily, Jean really is tired, and even his anger can't keep him awake. He ends up falling asleep even before lights out.
Being in bed next to Jean turns out to be surprisingly easy. He sleeps like a log, rolled just once to face Eren when he was already fast asleep.
Eren sighs, vaguely bothered that Jean is turning out to be a decent bunk companion. If he had made a lot of noise, or at least stole the covers, Eren would have had a good reason to throw him on the floor first thing in the morning.
He lays on his back and puts his hands behind his head as he closes his eyes. Jean's body seems pleasantly warm and smells kind of nice for a boy, but like hell Eren's getting closer, especially because he needs to get out of the bed in five minutes to fight the Titans.
Captain Levi is coming to shake him awake already.
"Kirstchein, Jaeger," he says, "You've been especially selected for a mission by the Scouting Legion."
"Does he have to come?" Eren asks.
"He's the best on the 3dm gear," Levi answers.
Jean isn't complaining. He instead seems to find the idea of killing Titans as interesting as Eren does usually. He's smiling an evil grin.
They ride into battle with the Scouting Legion. There are Titans storming them from every side, and Eren flies through the air, screaming in pure joy, in a cavalcade of blood and cruelty until there are at least one hundred Titans laying on the grassy fields of Maria.
Eren lands. He is all covered in Titan blood, and he isn't sure where his horse went. Luckily, Jean lands next to him and whistles to call for his own horse. He's covered in Titan blood too, but the horse isn't freaked out because it's a brave Scouting Legion horse, and Jean mounts and offers Eren to ride with him.
Eren accepts, but instead of sitting with his front to Jean's back, for some reason he sits backwards, chest to chest against Jean, his face against Jean's neck.
It should be gross, especially with the Titan blood steaming from their bodies, but instead it's...Eren finds himself dragging his lips on Jean's neck, pressing little kisses on it.
Jean isn't grossed out either. He looks at him with that evil grin before kissing him on the mouth. They're pressed so very close, and the bouncing up and down of the horse makes it so that they're rubbing against each other in a way that makes Eren feel incredibly weird, warm and tingly all over.
"Jean, you're not looking where we're going," he points out.
"It's a Scouting Legion horse, it knows the way," Jean answers, like it is obvious.
Jean grabs his butt to press him even closer, and Eren puts his legs over Jean's for the same reason, his hands going to hold back on the saddle. He can feel Jean's hard bulge pressed tight against his, rubbing against each other with every bounce, and they kiss some more, with lots of tongue, and Eren arches and moans Jean, Jean this is hot and -
Eren's eyes take a long moment to blink open, his mind to connect everything together.
Some elements seem to have carried over from the dream that is already fading from his memory - Jean's neck against his lips, and the warm, tight sensation spreading from between his legs, and this is hot, Jean. Some things just don't plain make sense for a moment: why is he sleeping with Jean? Even when he does remember about the punishment, it still doesn't explain why he's all snugly wrapped in Jean's arms, with his face against his neck and one leg thrown over Jean's hips, even.
They must have rolled close at some point, somehow. To his great shame, Eren can't even blame Jean - Eren feels the belt digging in his side, so they're on Jean's side of Belt Sina.
He can't let Jean find him like this, fuck, he can't, he needs to...and then Jean makes a little noise and moves and Eren thinks, oh, so that's where that comes from and bites his lip because.
Because Jean's breath is quick and whimpery and his hips push with sudden movements that make them grind against Eren and Eren wishes he could say that he finds Jean's erection disgusting, how it's pressing against him through flimsy night clothes, he really does, he wants to, but the thing is.
The thing is that there's an answering erection in his own pants, really hard too, even going a bit damp at the tip, and whenever Jean presses forward, blindly looking for friction on his own dick, completely wrapped up in what is apparently the king of all lewd dreams, he ends up rubbing against Eren's, too.
Alright, let's...let's examine the situation, shall we.
He knows he tosses and turns a lot, and it's not uncommon for Armin to unconsciously wrap his arms around him to keep him still - so that explains that part. He tossed and turned and slid up to Jean, and as soon as he was within reach, Jean threw one arm around him and pulled him close to keep him still, probably without even waking up, and Eren unconsciously burrowed against him, his hands making fists against Jean's chest and his face pressing against his neck, until they reached their current state of being tightly wrapped together in a cocoon of blankets.
And rubbing dicks through their clothes.
That never happened with Armin, Eren thinks stupidly as Jean jerks his hips forward again, making tiny stars flutter at the edges of his vision.
Is Jean really asleep? Truly? His breath is fast but regular, and the weight of his arms on his shoulders feels like the hold of somebody asleep, heavy and without tension in the muscles, but he might be an excellent faker.
He can feel his pulse against his mouth, maybe. His lips brush against the line of Jean's neck in a way that Eren refuses to call tender, until he can press them against the underside of his jaw, where his pulse is. It's quick, but it's regular.
Eren tries to turn his face to look at him, then, but Jean lets out a long sigh at the sensation of his mouth on his neck that sounds definitely like somebody asleep and jerks his hips against Eren's again and Eren has to choke back a moan.
He never did this kind of stuff, awake or asleep - fuck Jean, he managed to pervert him in his sleep, he should pull back and call him out on this, for the fucking animal he is...
But then Jean moves again, harder now, and in some part of his brain that Eren didn't even know he possessed a voice begs please, this is so good, fuck and Eren suspects that's what happens if you ignore the development of your sexuality until the age of fifteen, it basically just explodes one night all over the closest person.
His sexuality could've picked a better person to explode over than Jean. But on the other hand, Jean's body feels surprisingly familiar - and why shouldn't it, he's been grappling and grabbing him more than anybody else, more than Annie, even, since Annie just mostly tosses Eren ass over face - and Jean's quick whimpering breaths sound so sensual, and the way he grinds against him is...
...fuuuck, it's so hot, so hot, his brain can process little else, and Jean's dick feels big and hard through the clothes, his arms feel strong and his hips narrow in the most pleasant way, his whole body slotting against Eren's so well that Eren thinks they couldn't have managed it on purpose.
He finds himself pushing back on sheer instinct, giving as good as he gets, making Jean let out little noises, making his breath get shorter and his pulse spike and it's so pleasant to have so much power over him, to know that he can make Jean into a wreck as much as Jean can make him into one...
...until Jean's hold around his shoulder tightens slightly and his breathing stops completely for a second and then restarts, deliberate and deep, and he makes a noise that is surprised and definitely the noise of an awake person.
Just as Eren is mid-push.
Eren freezes and tenses up. He doesn't even dare breathing.
Jean's voice is insecure in the dark, confused beyond belief, but still heavy with...with whatever this thing they're doing is. His dick, however, is still very sure of itself against Eren.
"Eren, what the fuck..."
Jean's whisper is equal parts scared and angry and Eren feels a tiny bit of the usual annoyance towards Jean - of course he would try to pin this fully on him, but no, they're in this together, alright?
He straightens up, in an unconscious attempt at making himself taller he does a lot around Jean - but the effect at the moment is that he rubs himself against Jean's erection, and Jean moans and then covers his mouth with his hand.
But doesn't pull back. In fact, his hips slide the slightest bit closer again.
Oh, Eren thinks. Oh.
He grinds against Jean, slow, experimental, and Jean...Jean mutters shit against the hand covering his mouth and seems to consider something and for a long moment Eren is terrified and yet at the same time exhilarated.
And then Jean pushes back and Eren suppresses a moan of his own against his neck because fuck it's about a thousand times better when they're both awake, when they can settle on angle and strength and slot together even better, and Eren tightens his leg around Jean's hips and Jean puts one hand on the small of Eren's back.
Jean makes little stuttering noises on every intake of breath, and Eren's hands are fisting his shirt and his mouth is open against the delicate skin of his neck and the weirdest part is, it's not weird at all. It all feels so simple and natural and intimate, and hot and intense and just too fucking good to be real. Jean grabs his ass, pulling him close (Eren has a weird sensation of deja-vu) and if Jean is allowed to grope then Eren is totally allowed to leave a hickey on his neck.
He kind of really wants to.
Eren wonders if Jean knows he is awake too. If he thinks he's asleep the hickey is gonna be one hell of a surprise.
Some fogged part of his brain tells him that it's kind of horrible to grind against a guy you think is asleep, what the fuck Jean, what the fuck Eren, but it's all not really important in the face of how loudly the this is so good, oh fuck, so hot, Jean is so hot, I'm so close, keep going, I'm so fucking close... part is yelling.
He sucks on the skin of his neck, and Jean must have a sensitive neck because he can't help a little moan at this, how he presses against him harder, rubbing wildly now.
Then he suddenly shudders and goes rigid and Eren feels wetness spreading between them and his eyes flip open because Jean is coming, fuck and this, this is what pushes him over the edge, the fact that he made Jean come, and he sees stars again as he arches hard against Jean's body and just goes off like a firework.
As he's still catching his breath and shaking with aftershocks, Jean says, panting, "I know you're awake."
The phrase The horse knows where it is going pops into Eren's brain, nonsensical, and he almost bursts into laughter.
"Good on you. Rubbing against a sleeping person is pretty gross."
"Like you were doing?"
Eren bites his lip. Touché, Kirstchein. Though Jean still hasn't released him from the death grip on his ass so he's probably not that angry about it.
"I...I don't really...it's not like I planned on it," he ends up saying, lamely. "I was having a dream and when I woke up we were already...doing this."
"In our sleep."
"Feel free to not believe me, but it's the truth."
"And you didn't stop because...?"
"Well, this never...I sort of...alright, I didn't know what I was thinking. I was just...horny, I guess."
"Fuck, Eren, do you ever know what you're thinking? At all? This is not something one just does, you know," Jean says, but his tone isn't angry, more like tired and still somewhat confused.
Which is how Eren feels, too, at any rate.
Except his butt. His butt hurts.
"Squeeze my ass a little more kindly? It's not the blade handle, dick."
Jean lets go of him and rolls on his back and Eren does the same.
"You didn't stop, either," Eren points out, because like fuck he's letting Jean win. "And you touched my ass."
"Yeah, I...fuck, I tried, but...I just...it was just..."
"It was too hot," Eren concludes.
"Yeah, what the fuck?"
"I don't know. I just don't fucking know."
Eren moves a little and notices with an angry noise tiny Wall Sina digging into his back.
"What are you squirming about?"
"The belt, wait a minute..."
He grabs it and throws it off the side of the bunk.
"Ouch! Shadis, sir, I'm awake, sir!" Connie yells.
Loud enough to wake up the rest of the barrack, who doesn't take it lightly.
"Hey, dickbag, I was sleeping!"
"Springer, the rest of the world can fap silently, you know!"
"I swear to God, Connie, if you wake me up again we're putting you to sleep with the horses!"
"Who was it, Connie? Connie, you're getting it tomorrow!"
"I think you hit Connie," Jean mutters with laughter in his voice.
"Good," Eren says, and very generously lets Jean wrap his arm around his shoulders like a prize.