When Macklemore said that Taylor Swift had stolen the hearts of all the boys in the class, he wasn’t kidding. There had been a number of disappearances among the male students since the beginning of the semester. After each one, Swift came out with a new hit single. In fact, as the story goes, an individual song was named a “single” to mimic the newfound freedom Swift felt after a breakup. Some said that she fed on the blood of straight, white men to fuel inspiration for her music. There were rumours that she kept the hearts of her victims in decorative glass jars, and if one walked past her locker after school hours they could catch the vague scent of formaldehyde. Her album name, Red, took on a whole new meaning to the students of Celebrity High.
Macklemore swallowed hard. He knew better than to mess with her, but the teacher could turn around any minute and notice that he was late. He looked down at her from in front of his desk, frozen in place. She gave him a sly smirk, the corner of her mouth quirking up evilly.
“Oh, is this your seat? I had no idea!” she spat.
Macklemore was dumbfound. His shoes were glued to the floor, his back locked in place. Despite his phenomenal rapping skills, he couldn’t rummage up a retort.
“I-I”, He choked on his words, eyes darting around the room anxiously.
“What is it, Macklemore?”, She asked slyly.
“Yo Taylor” a voice shot from the other side of the class, “I'm really happy that you were able to get a seat, and Imma let you finish-”
“Kanye, this isn’t 2009 you old memer!” she interrupted. A warm smile crossed Beyonce’s red lips from the platinum pedestal at the back of the classroom. She didn’t even have to listen to the whole quote to know where it was going, crossing her knees under her hardwood, renaissance inspired desk.
Despite Swift’s flawless comeback, she let out a defiant grunt and ran out of the classroom on all fours. A growl could be heard in the hall, followed by the blood-shrilling scream of an underclassman. Macklemore beamed at Kanye from the back of the class, grateful for standing up to him. Feeling a sudden burst of confidence he turned to the door and shouted:
“Don’t get butthurt if you get memed on!”
The entire class gave him a standing ovation. The teacher let him and Kanye leave the class early and gave them 100% for class participation.