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Secret love

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When you hold me in the street,
And you kiss me on the dance floor.

I watched as Leon twirl Asta around, loud upbeat music booming around the ballroom.

It was one of those alliance parties that Allura was throwing to celebrate another successful partnership.

Asta and Leon were part of Nyx, a rebel group that were made up of half bloods. Voltron had made an alliance with them a while ago and now they follow us to many alliance talks.

I sighed as I saw Asta giggle as Leon kissed her nose, burying my head into my hands.

I wish that it could be like that.
Why can't it be like that?
Cause I'm yours.

I can't help but start to think about Shiro. God I love him so much. I really want to hug him and kiss him everyday. I want to flaunt it to the world that I'm just that lucky to get someone like him.

But I can't.

And I hate it.

Shiro requested that we kept our relationship a secret. He was worried that it might affect Voltron. I don't get it but I respect that.

However, I'm just getting so tired of it. Heck, Hunk has caught us more than once already. I'm not even sure if its even still a secret.

We keep behind closed doors.
Everytime I see you, I die a little more.

I watched as some random girl walk up to Shiro and started to flirt. Touching his arm and laughing.

I wanted to go over, to show that he already has someone, to tell her to back off.

But I can't.

I want to hold his hand and I want to dance with him. I want to feel him close to me. I want everyone in this room to see how much I love him.

But i can't.

It's obvious you're meant for me.
Every piece of you, it just fits perfectly.
Every second, every thought, I'm so in deep.
But I'll never show it on my face.

I stand up and walk to him.

"Shiro? Can I talk to you for a second?" I say when I reach him.

The girl gives me a look, clearly annoyed that I interrupted. I felt my throat close up. I wanted to scream in her face that he's mine, but I kept my mouth tight shut.

"Yeah sure Lance." Shiro replied and I quickly led him out of the room.

But we know this.
We got a love that is homeless.

Once out of the ballroom, I looked down at my hands.

"What is it, Lance?" Shiro asked gently, looking around to make sure no one was there before taking my hands in his.

"Nothing. I just didn't like her flirting with you and touching you." I said softly still not looking up at him.

"Lance..."

"I'm sorry, but I just really want to show everyone that you're with me and they should back off but I can't. I can't do this anymore Shiro I really can't hide it anymore!" I could feel tears start to gather in my eyes.

"Lance, I already told you why I don't want the rest of the team or anyone to know. I thought you understood that." Shiro said, his voice aggravated.

"I know that, but I think its okay because I don't think it'll affect Voltron much. We shouldn't keep secrets from the team." I said back, my voice being as soft as it can get.

"Lance, I said no." Shiro's voice was firm. He snatched his hands away from mine and crossed his arms.

I bit my lip.

Why can't you hold me in the street?
Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor?

"But Shiro, we know that Hunk has feelings for Shay and that didn't throw the team dynamic off!" I argued, I don't get it, I don't get why Shiro just doesn't want the team to know.

Is he just ashamed of me? Is that why he doesn't want the team to know?

I wish that it could be like that.
Why can't we be like that?
Cause I'm yours.

"Hunk and Shay are different. I'm the leader, Lance. What will the team think if they know that their leader is dating one of their team members? The team dynamic will definitely be thrown off." Shiro said, he was pacing back and forth now.

"What? You scared of how the team will see you if they see that you're dating someone like me? Is it cause you're ashamed of that?" I spat.

"Lance, stop making this all about you." Shiro turned and glared at me, his voice raising.

I scoffed.

"All you care about is you. Is that it? If I'm such a disgrace that you can't even tell the team then why the hell are we still together?" I breathed deeply, holding back the tears that were threatening to fall.

"Lance, stop pushing the blame to me. I already told you why. Stop being so insensitive and selfish." Annoyance was laced in his voice.

Boy, you know this.
We got a love that is hopeless.

"Oh so I'm insensitive?" I let out a laugh.

"I'm trying so hard but it just seems like all my efforts are just in vain."

"Oh shut up. You know what? If you can't do this then fine. Don't." With that Shiro left, storming back into the ballroom.

I couldn't move I just stood there letting the tears fall.

I don't want to hide us away.
Tell the world about the love we're making.
I'm living for that day.
Someday.

I sobbed it hurt so bad. It was like someone was stabbing my heart repeatedly with a knife.

I really didn't want this to end this way, I really wanted it to work out. I sobbed even harder, sliding down the wall where I stood.

Why can't I hold you in the street?
Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor?

I eventually got up and entered the ballroom again. Shiro was talking to Keith. He ignored me as I walked past him.

A little part of me shattered even more. I made my way to the table that I was sitting at before and made sure that my back was facing Shiro.

I saw Asta and Leon smiling at each other, foreheads pressed together.

A spike of jealousy shot through me. I wanted that. I wanted everything they had.

I don't know if anything could work out at this point. I just felt like it's all useless anyway.

"Lance, buddy, you okay?" Hunk tapped my shoulder. I looked at him and I felt guilt. I couldn't possibly hide so much from him.

I felt the tears start to fall before I could even stop them.

"Whoa, okay calm down buddy it's okay." Hunk immediately enveloped me in a hug.

I don't deserve this. I kept so much from him.

I wish that it could be like that.
Why can't it be like that?
Cause I'm yours.

Hunk slowly led me out of the party and to my room. He was rubbing circles into my back.

"Hunk I have to tell you something." I sobbed, I just couldn't keep it a secret anymore.

"You can tell me anything Lance." Hunk reassured, his voice was soft and soothing.

"I- Me and-" I could feel my throat constrict. Why can't I just say it? Why? I sobbed even harder.

"Lance, calm down. It's okay, take your time." Hunk looked at me worriedly. Why am I like this?

"I want to tell you Hunk, but I can't. I can't." I wailed even harder, burying my face into his chest.

"Why not?" Hunk asked gently, hugging me tighter.

"I just can't Hunk." I cried into my best friends chest, clutching at his shirt.

"It's okay then, Lance. You'll be fine." Hunk reassured, softly running his hands into my hair.

Why can't I say that I'm in love?
I wanna shout it from the rooftop.

I screamed. It just hurt so bad. I don't think I can do it anymore. I really don't.

"Shh..." Hunk comforted, he quickly hugged me tighter. I muffled my screams into his chest. I felt like I could just die.

I thought about how everyone could be so open about their relationships, about how in love they were. Why can't I have that too?

Why can't Shiro understand me as well. I don't know if I could face him at all anymore. Everytime I see him I feel like dying. It feels wrong to hide this all away. To lie to the team.

I wish that we could be like that.
Why can't we be like that?
Cause I'm yours.

I can feel my eyes start to droop. My sobs started to die down.

"It's okay buddy, you can go to sleep." Hunk rubbed my back, speaking softly.

"Will you..."

"Yeah I'll be here Lance, don't worry." Hunk gave me a small reassuring smile. I found that I couldn't return it so I just let myself slip off into unconsciousness.

I hate that I dreamt about a happy and open relationship with Shiro that night.

I know it isn't going to happen but,

Oh how I wish it could.

Why can't we be like that?
Wish we could be like that...