Drinking wasn't exactly unusual at Warrior's. Heck, heavy drinking wasn't even all that out of place. Kyle getting smashed, though, that was pretty much a special occasion thing. The guy could handle Earth liquor just fine, more than fine in fact, but the moment Kyle got his hands on something from another planet, he was toast.
So yeah, Guy had been expecting this ever since he'd realized that Isamot's birthday was coming up.
"Goddamn. That pink shit fizzes for fucking ever...", he muttered, as he wiped up one last spill. It was harder doing clean up solo, but considering the hiccupy sounds coming from Kyle's corner of the room, Guy wasn't going to let his partner handle the dishware.
Heck, he wouldn't even trust Kyle with a mop at this point.
Finally finished, Guy ambled over to his partner, slumped over in a booth and doodling wobbly little creatures in the air with his ring.
"C'mon, let's get you to bed."
"But I dun wanna goooooo."
The pissed off, snappy-jawed construct things probably would have been more threatening if they weren't flickering in and out of existence every half second. Guy snorted and beckoned at Kyle in a no-nonsense way.
"It's four in the morning, dumbass. If I let you stay, you're gonna fall asleep here and wake up in the morning with a massive crick in your neck."
"But the floor's all ... spinny. I'd totally fall down. And then I'd be on the floor instead of on this chair! Which would really, really suck. A lot. Tons, even."
"Yeah yeah, that's why I'm here. Up and at 'em, buster."
Sighing, Guy got his arm around Kyle and bodily heaved him into an standing position, letting Kyle lean heavily on his shoulder for support.
"There. That okay?"
"Sooooort of. It's still a little, uh. Wavy."
"If you puke on me, I swear to god, I will end you, Rayner."
Kyle hiccuped, then mumbled something that sounded like "No, 'm okay", so Guy started walking slowly toward the door, dragging his stumbling partner along with him.
Construct bucket held just at the edge of his mind, Guy froze.
"You're really hot."
Guy snorted and refrained from hitting Kyle upside the head only because he wasn't sure what was going to set off Kyle's sometimes-delicate stomach.
"You just went on a drinking binge. Most of that heat's you, man."
"Nooooooo. Not hot hot. Like. Hot hot. Wonder Woman hot."
Several flickers of construct attempted to flow from Kyle's ring, one of which bore a disturbing resemblance to Guy in the Wonder bikini. For once, Guy really didn't want to know.
Being the chattiest drunk in existence, Kyle, of course, just would not let it drop. His tendency to drunk-babble was funny when they were playing "Never Have I Ever", but right now? Not so much.
"I used to have the hugest crush on you."
"I really don't need to know this."
"No, really. It was massive."
It looked like Kyle wasn't going to let this go, so Guy decided to just deadpan his way through this in the hopes of saving his sanity. He even threw in an armpunch to emphasize the whole "WE'RE BOTH MANLY MEN" vibe.
"You're such a teenage girl, Kyle, didja know that? What's next? You got a collection of all my Warrior merch stashed somewhere too?"
It didn't really work.
"Yeah! I have all the posters in my closet! I doodled you with little hearts too...!"
A beat, then Kyle threw Guy a sloppy "oops, you caught me" grin through his bangs.
"Okay, maybe that was Donna. There's still lotsa sketchbooks full of you, though."
Kyle hummed thoughtfully, then added, "'S how I got the job designing your action figures. So it wasn't a bad thing, really."
They were at the base of the stairs now. Good thing too, because Guy had to steady himself against the banister out of shock as he did a double-take.
"You don't remember your eleventy-seven Manly Points of Articulation?" Snickering, Kyle attempted to pat Guy's cheek and Guy tilted his head instinctively to keep Kyle's fingers out of his nose. "Believe me, I do..."
The look in Kyle's eye tipped Guy off to the fact that Kyle was re-imagining those points of articulation in vivid detail, so Guy pulled a face and shook him a little snap him out of it. Not that this whole thing wasn't more than a little flattering, but it was mostly really weird because Kyle was drunk as all hell.
So Guy focussed on other things like getting up the stairs.
"Much as I'd love to hear you go on and on about my kickin' bod, Kyle, tomorrow-morning-you and right-now-me both know that you're gonna hate me if I let you keep blabbin' about your girly crush on me from way back when. So just shut up and lemme get you to bed."
"Sure! Take me to bed!"
Kyle probably was trying to sound inviting there, but he what he managed was a drowsy slur. After that, he went completely quiet as Guy lugged the two of them up the stairs. Idly, Guy decided that even if he were going to take advantage earlier, Kyle had sealed the "sleeping alone" deal by drooling down Guy's neck. Some things just weren't cool, even between partners.
"Okay, here we are, buddy. You owe me so much thank you-ing tomorrow morning."
With that, Guy dumped Kyle ingloriously onto his bed and started to leave as quietly as he could, taking advantage of Kyle's snuffling "almost asleepness" to try to escape.
The most piteous look in the world was aimed his way as Kyle waggled his feet piteously.
"... can you help me take off my shoes? There're a bazillion laces floating around down there."
Okay, that was sort of adorable in a "d'aww, stupid puppy ran into a wall again" way. And Guy was always a sucker for that sort of thing.
"Heh. Sure, buddy."
So Guy helped Kyle tug his shoes loose, dumping them on the floor by his bed. Kyle looked small as he sprawled on the bed, pillow clutched against his chest. Then Guy got up and Kyle grabbed his sleeve and smiled.
Where the hell that expression came from, Guy had no idea, but it was going to haunt his fantasies for the next five million years. Fuck, when did Kyle figure out how to do sultry? And why the hell did he have such long eyelashes?
Frantically, he ruffled Kyle's hair and shoved him back into his bed, muttering a quick "G'night, man." before rushing out into the hall. Then he collapsed against the wall and ran a hand through his hair, cursing a bluestreak under his breath.
Yeah, no, tomorrow was going to be awkward to an extreme.