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Shanks Live-Tweets Kent's Bachelor Party

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"Listen up, everyone! Cameron Shanker of the Las Vegas Aces here with the most amazing woman in the world -- my girlfriend Lacey, aka mother of the most amazing child in the world, Ivy, aka my pride and joy -- and the one and only Eric Bittle, social media sensation." Cameron paused to take a big breath and let the others greet the viewers.

"Hey."

"Hi y'all!"

"Bittle is here in sunny Las Vegas all the way from the frozen tundra of Providence, Rhode Island--"

"It's July."

"Shush, I'm adding flair."

"He's very dramatic," Lacey teased.

"Aren't you both from Canada?"

"Anyway, Bittle is in town for the wedding of the century. That's right! My best bro Corey Henderson is marrying the NHL LVA's MVP, KVP! Yup! Kenny and Henny are tying the knot!"

"My parents are in town for the wedding, and have graciously agreed to babysitting duty so that we can enjoy two nights of bachelor parties," Lacey began. "Kent's party is tonight and Corey's will be tomorrow."

"Yeah, we really had to beg those proud grandparents to watch her for the night," Cameron said sarcastically.

"Grammy and Pop-Pop for the win!"

"Good lord, that is adorable. If y'all need someone to take her off your hands for a bit during the wedding, I would be more than happy to watch that little munchkin," Bitty volunteered.

"Bittle, my bro, sold!" Cameron laughed and put an arm around his shoulders.

"But back to the point of this video -- there is a big surprise in store for my almost-brother-in-law, so we will be documenting every second." Lacey motioned between the three of them.

"That's right! We've got Bittle livestreaming sporadically throughout the night, Lacey on the 'Gram, and yours truly will be tweeting everything I possibly can."

"Keep in mind that our drinking days are few and far between since our little bundle of joy came along, so Cam and I will be getting drunk very easily."

"Yeah, super trashed. It's gonna get messy."

"We're talking epic trash fire proportions, right babe?" Lacey asked.

"Absolutely."

"This does not bode well... Stay tuned!" Bitty smiled and waved at the camera before ending the video.

******
Cameron Shanker @beefyshanks - Twitter Feed

Cameron Shanker retweeted
Brett MacNamara @bamac33
[Photo of Kent leaving his house with Corey standing by the door]
- Don't worry Henny! We'll bring him back in one piece!
6:51 PM 19 JUL 2018

- It's on!
6:52 PM 19 JUL 2018

- my dude has no clue what's in store for tonight.
6:54 PM 19 JUL 2018

- 3... 2... 1... aaaand Zimmermann just grabbed him in a bear hug while Macker stole his phone. I can tweet every detail I want. Parser will have no clue.
7:18 PM 19 JUL 2018

- "sorry sorry sorry please don't hate me this will be fun I promise sorry!" - Macker as he pockets Parse's phone.
7:19 PM 19 JUL 2018

- "I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with that clingy asshole, give me ONE night of freedom. Fuck." - KVP when someone said they were surprised Henny wasn't here.
7:23 PM 19 JUL 2018

- They're so in love you guys. I swear.
7:23 PM 19 JUL 2018

- Tonight's big surprise was a group effort, but Henny was the maestro. He knows how to treat his man right.
7:28 PM 19 JUL 2018

[photo of a steak at Kent's favourite restaurant]
- STEEEEEEEEEEEEAK!!!!!!!!!
7:41 PM 19 JUL 2018

- "wait wait wait! The beard and the cuckold need a pic together before we get too drunk at this giant sham!" - Lacey posing for a selfie with Parse
7:43 PM 19 JUL 2018

- "You know it's all fake, right? I was just the surrogate for Corey and Cam's secret love child." - Lacey to our waiter. I love this woman so much.
7:43 PM 19 JUL 2018

- Now I know where all those tabloid rumours are coming from. Such a troll! LOLLL!
7:44 PM 19 JUL 2018

- Oh god. That wasn't even our waiter. Apologies to that random dude. The love of my life is a messy drunk.
7:44 PM 19 JUL 2018

Cameron Shanker retweeted
Lacey Henderson @lahen94
[selfie of Lacey and Kent from Instagram]
- 2 days until this bro is OFFICIALLY my bro-in-law!
7:45 PM 19 JUL 2018

- "I think I'm already drunk!" - Lacey, trying to whisper. It was not a whisper.
7:49 PM 19 JUL 2018

- Parser's trying to appeal to Bittle for help getting his phone back. It's not working.
7:51 PM 19 JUL 2018

- Now he's trying Zimmermann. Lost cause, man. "Please help me get my phone back? For old time's sake?"
7:52 PM 19 JUL 2018

- that "old times sake" stuff is just about they're friendship back in the Q!!!!
7:52 PM 19 JUL 2018

- **THEIR. Fuck autocorrect.
7:55 PM 19 JUL 2018

- "Did I ever tell you that I used to have a crush on you?" Achievement unlocked. We have acquired a Drunk Parser!
8:09 PM 19 JUL 2018

- Who did he say that to, you ask??? Some mysteries aren't meant to be solved!!!!
8:10 PM 19 JUL 2018

- "I suspected as much. I'm pretty hot and subtlety is not your forté hahahaha!" - the mystery man. Aww they hugged it out. #LVAcesFam
8:11 PM 19 JUL 2018

- I donn't know what I'm dirnking but it's the best thing I've ever tasted. Barkeep! Another one of your finest these things!
8:17 PM 19 JUL 2018

Cameron Shanker retweeted
Eric Bittle @omgcheckplease
- Shanker: 9 HOUSES IS IN THE HOOOUSE!!!
Jack: huh?
MacNamara: My boyfriend. He thinks "Villanueva" means "9 houses"... it doesn't.
8:35 PM 19 JUL 2018

- IT DOESNT????????????!!!!
8:37 PM 19 JUL 2018

- "Drink this." Jack Zimmermann of the PVD Falcs just gave me a glass of water.
8:37 PM 19 JUL 2018

- Oh god. I need to sobrr up or they won't let me into the next bar for thrsurprise.
8:38 PM 19 JUL 2018

- just got a text from Henny. It says "Dude." I know I know I'm gettign a nother glass off water.
8:39 PM 19 JUL 2018

Cameron Shanker retweeted
Eric Bittle @omgcheckplease
- Shanker and Lacey weren't kidding about that low alcohol tolerance since their little darling came along. I'm going to take over with a livestream for a bit while they enjoy some non-alcoholic refreshments
8:39 PM 19 JUL 2018

- Okay! We're off to the main surprise! I'm so excited I can't stand it. Parser is gonna lose his fucking mind!
9:07 PM 19 JUL 2018

- Roll up to the club and are immediately escorted to a private room in the back. #VIPsection #HereItComes #CountdownToArrival #ParsersSurprise
9:15 PM 19 JUL 2018

- She's here!!!
9:19 PM 19 JUL 2018

- ITS BRITNEY, BITCH!!!
9:19 PM 19 JUL 2018

- "WHAT?! No way! What?! Fuck! What???! You guys. OMG. Fuck. What?!!!" - KVP is at a loss for words.
9:20 PM 19 JUL 2018

- "Huh? Yeah. On Saturday... Unless YOU want to marry me? Cuz I would marry you in a heartbeat if you asked... Hm? Oh yeah, VERY." KVP when asked how soon his wedding was.
9:23 PM 19 JUL 2018

- the "VERY" was about whether or not he was gay LOOOOL
9:24 PM 19 JUL 2018

- My dude just suggested they could get married "for like a day or two" and then call it off before he marries Henny. Currently praying that Parse doesn't get slapped in the face by his idol.
9:26 PM 19 JUL 2018

- ohhhhhh thank god it was laughed off with a joke about quickie Vegas weddings hahaha! One of those is probably enough lolll
9:26 PM 19 JUL 2018

- number of times Parser has said the word "wow" in the past 10 mins: approx 537.
9:29 PM 19 JUL 2018

- word count!
Wow: 541
So cool: 227
Marry me: 1,000,382
This is amazing.
9:31 PM 19 JUL 2018

- A HUGE thank you to Ms. Spears for being so chill about our Captain's epic fan-boying.
9:56 PM 19 JUL 2018

- Parser: "I can't believe you guys did this."
Me: "We helped, but it was Henny's idea."
Parser: "WHAT???"
I can't tell what kind of shock that is...
9:59 PM 19 JUL 2018

- Parser: "Bambi! Give me my phone!"
Macker: "But I'm not supposed to!"
Parser: "Dammit, Mac! Give me my phone!"
Marco: "Just do it. You shouldn't disobey your father."
Have I mentioned how much I love that little dude?
10:00 PM 19 JUL 2018

- SO the very first time they met, Macker accidentally called Henny his dad. Marco has NOT let him live that down.
10:01 PM 19 JUL 2018

- in my experience, the best relationships are founded on relentless mocking/teasing. (Assuming both are in on the joke)
10:01 PM 19 JUL 2018

- True story: first time I met Lacey, I told her she was hot enough that even a really shallow guy would like her. Better believe she still brings that up. #Smooth #ChirpOrFlirt
10:02 PM 19 JUL 2018

- If you're wondering why the love of my life has not posted to IG in a while - she's currently dancing with Bittle on a table. Also HOLY SHIT Bittle has got MOVES!!!!
10:02 PM 19 JUL 2018

- Aaaand Parser is finally off the phone. I wonder who he was talking to....? Lmao jk it's obviously Henny.
10:05 PM 19 JUL 2018

- Aaaand Henny is apparently on his way. Drunk Parser CANNOT wait until "aaaallll the way at the end" of his bachelor party to thank his future hubby for that surprise. #KeepItPGBoys
10:06 PM 19 JUL 2018

- Zimmermann: "It's barely even 10???"
Brezzy: "Riiiight?!" (Brezzy is less than sober)
10:08 PM 19 JUL 2018

- "You stupid beautiful f***ing a**hole I can't BELIEVE you DID THAT!!!" Henny is here. Parse is... yeah he's like in his lap lol. #HardcoreMakeoutSesh
10:33 PM 19 JUL 2018

Cameron Shanker retweeted
Lacey Henderson @lahen94
[Picture of Kent and Corey kissing from Instagram]
- leave room for the holy ghost! #CatholicSchoolProblems
10:45 PM 19 JUL 2018

- DRAAAANKS WITH MY BROS!!! #ShotsShotsShotsShotsShots #TBTSongRef
10:53 PM 19 JUL 2018

- @ everyone asking: yes Henny is staying for the rest of the night. Honestly a miracle that they stayed apart for even 4hrs.
10:55 PM 19 JUL 2018

- Henny: "BTW this still doesn't mean that you get to crash my party tomorrow"
Parser: "Like I even want to go to your lame fucking party."
They're making out again.
10:56 PM 19 JUL 2018

- You don't have to understand them (it's betterif you don't even try lol) just know that it works haha
10:57 PM 19 JUL 2018

- Henny's got the champagne a flowing and telling me to put the phone down & drink with him. If you INSIST! hahaha
10:59 PM 19 JUL 2018

- Hello Shanker's followers. This is Jack Zimmermann. He asked me to answer some tweets for him because he is... not able to right now.
11:44 PM 19 JUL 2018

- Yes, he is absolutely drunk. No, everyone has responsible ways home tonight. Yes, I'm the only sober one, but I have had a drink or two.
11:46 PM 19 JUL 2018

- MacNamara is under 21 so he is not drinking alcohol. Hash-tag responsible drinking.
11:47 PM 19 JUL 2018

- # Hashtagresponsibledrinking
11:47 PM 19 JUL 2018

- Bittle is laughing so hard he can't even speak. What am I missing?
11:48 PM 19 JUL 2018

- #ResponsibleDrinking
11:51 PM 19 JUL 2018

- Why is the number sign called a hashtag? Shanker wants his phone back now. Bye everyone.
11:51 PM 19 JUL 2018

Cameron Shanker retweeted
Eric Bittle @omgcheckplease
Shanker: "#ResponsibleDrinking"
Jack: ??? "Hashtag Responsible Drinking"
Me: "No honey, press this '#' first and write it as all one word"
Jack: "# HashtagResponsibleDrinking"
Lord, he tries!!!
11:52 PM 19 JUL 2018

- ahahahahaha thanks you jack zimmenwnt!!! That totaltty made my night!! Save heinfs twetts forevtr!!!! #hashtag
11:53 PM 19 JUL 2018

- ps im drunk.
11:53 PM 19 JUL 2018

- notnevenmidnight yet! Ahhhhhhhhahahaha goos times! Food friendss! Giid music! I loce thrse guysnso much andnthey re gettinf married soon like fuckign FINALLY! !!!
11:55 PM 19 JUL 2018

Cameron Shanker retweeted
Eric Bittle @omgcheckplease
- Parse: ugh this song! I know it's a dance mix but fuuuccckkk!!!! It reminds me of you.
Jack: Because my eyes are blue?
Parse: No. Fuck. Hug me. I'm so glad we're friends again.
Me: omg!
11:58 PM 19 JUL 2018

Cameron Shanker retweeted
Eric Bittle @omgcheckplease
- So sweet! I'm happy they're friends again too.
11:59 PM 19 JUL 2018

- apologies folks but im too dribk to keep tweetign. Prtty suren pr isngonna talknto me jn the morninf. Gonna call itna nihht on here whiel we party on!!! Love u! Peace!#hashtag
12:09 AM 20 JUL 2018

******

"Finally! I was waiting for you to put down that fucking phone!" Kent dropped into the seat next to Cameron and clumsily put his arm around his shoulder.

"Dude! Someone had to live-tweet the shenanigans!"

"You've been doing that?"

"Uh-huh!"

"Well fuck that's gonna be a mess in the morning," Kent said with a laugh. His body slumped against Cameron's arm, too drunk to maintain proper balance. "Fuck it! I love it. I love you. Why aren't we fucking dancing already?"

"Right?! We're awesome at dancing! Why aren't we dancing?!"

"Let's go!"

"I know! We're going! We're going right now!" Cameron stumbled to his feet and pulled Kent up with him. "Rem-- member last time? We were so hot!"

"Well obviously! Look at us! I'd fuck us!"

Corey was standing nearby talking to Brett and Marco, and laughed when he heard his fiancé and best friend completely mis-remembering every time they had danced together. "You guys are completely un-sexy! You just stand there like, giggling and shit!"

"No way, liar! We're sexy as fuck. You're gonna get so many boners watching us!" With that, Cameron grabbed Kent's hand and dragged him to the edge of the dance floor.

Brett stared wide-eyed at Corey for a moment, his face steadily turning red. "I can't believe he just said you'd get a... a boner..." Brett whispered his final word.

"Come on, Bambi. You've heard worse words than that before." Corey laughed.

"Yeah, but... what if you do?"

Marco choked on his drink and started laughing. "Sweetie, no..."

Corey looked out onto the dance floor and pointed to Cameron and Kent who were, true to form, drunkenly giggling with their arms around each other, barely moving to the music. "Those losers are not turning anyone on."

Brett looked at them and let out a small chuckle. Oh." He looked back at Corey, but his eyes trailed away from his face to his lap.

"Stop looking at my dick, Bambi."

"I was just making sure!"

Marco shook his head then rested it against Brett's shoulder. It soon morphed into nuzzling his neck. "I want to go dance. Come with me?"

"Of course," Brett replied without any need for a second thought. "Don't get any boners," he added to Corey as they were leaving.

"Wow. Well, I certainly came in at the wrong part of that conversation," Bitty said from behind Corey. "Dare I even ask?"

"You probably don't want to go there," Corey replied and caught the petit blond in a big hug. "Aren't you drunk yet?"

"Oh, honey, you don't spend 4 years in a frat house without developing an impressive alcohol tolerance." Bitty laughed.

"I dunno, Bittle. I have seen you very drunk before. I have incriminating video from a French vineyard to prove it," Corey teased.

"You are grossly underestimating how much I actually drank at those wine tastings." Bitty grinned at him. "Plus I am pacing myself tonight a little. I have to save some energy for your party tomorrow."

"True. What kind of groomsman would you be if you were too hungover to party with the side you're actually here for?"

"Precisely." Bitty's face was flushed and a bead of sweat trailed down his neck, having just come from the dancefloor with Jack. Jack came up and handed him a bottle of cold water. "Oh thank you, sweetheart! You are a godsend!" He pulled Jack in for a quick peck.

Jack smiled at Bitty, so completely gone on his fiancé. He wrapped his arm around him and looked at Corey. "Excited? For Saturday, I mean, but it makes sense if you're excited for your bachelor party tomorrow too, of course."

"Yeah, tomorrow will be fun. Little more low-key than this, unless there is some kind of celebrity guest for me too. Which... I don't even know who that would even be? I'm not a fan of anyone like Ken is about Britney."

"I assure you, there won't be. I made sure Shanker told me every detail in case he drank too much tonight and, well..." Bitty laughed.

"Smart man. You're lucky you locked this one down, Zimmermann." Corey winked.

"I know."

Bitty pressed a little closer to Jack's side with a smile. "I think an argument could be made either way about who is the real fortunate one here, sweetpea."

Jack chuckled and took a sip of water from his bottle. They both had smug "it's me" grins on their faces and Corey could not help but laugh.

"You guys, I swear..."

Jack cleared his throat. "So, uh, where were we? The wedding. Excited?"

"Yeah. A little terrified, but mostly excited. I think... I think once the actual, like, ceremony of it is over, I'll be good. That's the nerve-wracking part."

Bitty gave Corey a reassuring pat on his arm. "It will be fine. Oh! Did you write your own vows?"

Corey's face twisted. "Um... well, kinda? We have a back up plan to use some standard ones if it all feels like too much the day of. I honestly don't know which way it's gonna go. I'm worried Kent hasn't written anything -- you know how he gets about like, expressing feelings and stuff. And in front of all those people...? Well, I'm not gonna blame him if he can't do it in front of an audience."

"That's fair. You have written yours though, right?" Jack asked.

"I'm like 90% done. I swear," Corey squirmed a little under Bitty and Jack's eyes.

Jack in particular was looking at him with the kind of "don't procrastinate on something this important" that he used to get from his fathet when he was little. Which felt strange, considering Jack was actually a year younger than him.

"What? Just wait until it comes time to write your vows, then you'll see how hard it is to find the right words."

"I finished writing mine on Tuesday," Bitty beamed proudly.

Corey looked at Jack. "Well, what about you?"

Jack chuckled softly. "I wrote mine over a year ago. I suppose I could revisit them in case there's anything I want to add." He shrugged.

Bitty let out a quiet gasp. "Sweetheart! More than a year? We weren't even engaged then!"

"Yeah I know, but... I knew, so..."

"Oh my lord. Baby..." And with that, Bitty started kissing his fiancé, and Corey took his cue to step away.

When Corey glanced back at the dance floor, Kent and Cameron were nowhere to be found. With a small concerned frown, he scanned the rest of the bar for a glimpse of either of them.

Corey decided to venture outside of their VIP area, and checked the bathroom in case one -- or both -- of them was currently getting sick. Instead, he bumped into Brett and Marco looking suspicious. "Oh, hey guys! Have--"

"NOTHING!!!" Brett shouted, his face red.

"What did--" Corey realized that the suspicious look was actually a mix of guilt -- and a bit of an adrenaline rush. "Dudes. Fucking in a bathroom stall?"

"We didn't have sex!"

"Shhh! Oh my god, stop shouting!" Marco whispered to his boyfriend.

Corey laughed. "Third base in a bathroom stall, then?"

Marco pressed his lips tightly together, answering the question with his silence. Brett sighed. "...Are you going to tell Parse?"

"No. Just... maybe shower when you get home. Or definitely. Definitely shower. Public bathrooms, man... The floors... I will never tell Kent about this, I promise." Corey made a crossing motion over his heart. "Speaking of... have you seen him?"

"He was going to look for you. Lacey came to dance too, so Parse said he didn't want to be the 5th wheel. You can't find him?"

"I'm sure we just missed connecting. Uh, go about your, uh, afterglow or whatever. I'll find him. No worries." Corey parted ways with them and went back out to the dance floor. He spotted Cameron and his sister, but still no Kent. He checked his phone to find multiple missed texts.

Kent: Where are you???
Kent: omg did you bail? Wtf???
Kent: COREEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYY!!!!!
Kent: seriously wtf? Where are you?
Kent: nobody knows where you went! Seriously you gotta answer me I'm freaking the fuck out over here!
Corey: I'm looking for you! Where are you??
Kent: back in our private section thing. U???
Corey: on the dance floor.
Corey: be right there

"Jesus Fucking Christ, Cor! You scared the shit outta me!" Kent said with a big sigh of relief when Corey finally found his way back. "Jack and Bittle said they were in the middle of talking to you and then you just disappeared."

"They started making out, I gave them privacy." Corey shrugged.

Kent looked over at Bitty and Jack. "Really, guys? Conveniently left that part out. Hopeless." He scoffed before turning back to Corey and resting his forehead on his shoulder. "Fuck. Don't scare me like that. I've had a lot of gin tonight, it makes me an emotional drunk..."

"For one thing, I was the scared one because you're the one who is super drunk. Secondly, gin makes you a rowdy drunk. Whiskey makes you an emotional drunk," Corey corrected him.

Kent let out a short chuckle, just a hot burst of air against Corey's chest. "Fuck. Whatever. Maybe I'm just emotional for other reasons."

"Meeting Britney?"

"Shut up, that was... I can't even process that yet. It's... so much. I hope someone took a picture. Oh my god I was such an ass. Like... made a total fucking mess of the whole thing. Probably came off super creepy. Oh god..."

"Relax. I informed all necessary parties that you would make an ass of yourself, but that you were really just a harmless doofus fan. They were fine with it."

"I love you so much."

"I know, Sparky. I know."

"I think I'm emotional because of the wedding," Kent said, admitting the obvious.

"I get that. Me too. You're not getting cold feet, are you?" Corey asked.

"Never."

Corey chuckled at the stubborn tone Kent had used to answer. "Good."

"...We should go get matching tattoos."

"Okay-- WAIT. What?!!" Corey burst out laughing. "Okay, whoa! I think it's probably time for bed."

Kent blinked as he realized what he had just suggested. "Oh god. Yeah. Holy fuck. I need to go home. I'm done." He chuckled. "Thank god you're not totally wasted like me right now."

"Tell me about it. We'd definitely be getting those fucking tattoos, otherwise." Corey kissed the side of Kent's head, breathing in the scent of his shampoo. "You smell sweaty."

"Fuck you. I was dancing and it's July in Las Vegas."

"Fair point."

"Last I checked, you don't exactly smell like a bed of roses either."

"I thought you loved my manly musk?" Corey teased.

"When have I ever said those words, Cor? 'Manly musk?' When? My nose is like an inch away from your armpit right now. Trust me." Kent chirped him right back. "I might puke."

"Oh, really?" Corey caught his fiancé in a playful headlock. "How 'bout now?"

"No! Corey. Fuck! I mean it. I drank sooo much tonight!"

"Oops. Sorry," Corey said sheepishly and halted the rough-housing. "Okay, let's say some quick goodbyes and then we can head home."

They spoke with everyone they could find, and stepped outside to find the car that was waiting to take them home. Corey made sure Kent was feeling well enough for the ride home, and helped him with buckling his seatbelt when drunk Kent's depth perception failed him.

Kent closed his eyes and rested his head on Corey's shoulder in the back seat. "Hey... Am I really not allowed to come to your party tomorrow?"

"What? No, of course you can come. I expected you to be there, just maybe a little late because of the Zimmermann stuff in the afternoon."

"Okay good. I'll be there," Kent paused. "...because, really, like... You're the one who showed up uninvited at my bachelor party."

"Like fuck I was 'uninvited.' You called and begged me to come out for the rest of the night." Corey chuckled.

"Sounds fake."

Corey continued to chuckle, and gave Kent's knee a squeeze. "You're such an asshole."

"Whatever. You're the one who's memorized what kind of alcohol gets me in what mood."

"So?"

"That's such a creepy thing to do."

"Well, not like I planned it. I just noticed the pattern. Seriously, Sparky. How many times have we gotten drunk together? Like, a thousand?"

Kent snorted. "Yeah, probably."

"Exactly."

"Pfft! Whatever, stalker..." Kent drifted off to sleep with a grin still tugging at the corner of his mouth.