Chapter 1: Find
“I’ll only speak to him,” she repeated the same phrase for the millionth time. To every storm trooper, lieutenant and captain that walked through. Rey had made her purpose and demands very clear but evidently the bureaucracy of the First Order could not handle it.
I will not use my lightsaber, but I will not give it up.
I will not speak to anyone but Kylo Ren.
So she waited. Laying on the hard metal bench of a holding cell in one of the many ships under his command. She wondered if they were traveling towards him or if he was coming to her. It took long enough for even one First Order ship to find her. She had to walk into known anti-rebel city with her lightsaber drawn before she even popped up on their radar.
She was getting impatient. She had wasted a week traveling to be caught and now a day and half in a holding cell. Her fingers itched to train and her chest ached with some unfamiliar feeling she could not place.
Rey closed her eyes, feeling the force around her. It felt powerful and clean. She felt something disturb the clean surface of it, like ripples in a pond. She reached towards it and felt the immense power of the man she sought.
She could have returned to her holding cell right then, comforted that her wait would soon end but curiosity got the best of her. Rey reached out further towards the blazing red throbbing power speeding towards her.
She slowly let out a lungful of air and suddenly she could see him. He was standing in boarding quarters of a large vessel, staring out of a window his helmet discarded on his bed. His sheets were a tangled mess and his hair was unkept. He was only partly dressed in his boots and pants. His shirt and robes were on the floor in a heap. Rey could see all the muscles in his back, and all the old scars from training and battle.
It was like she was standing right behind him sharing his breath. She took a step forward and saw his shoulders tense.
He felt her.
His push on the force, which had been a heartbeat at rest turned into a raging wave that washed over her. Her vision of the room and of him flickered and began to dissolve as her grip began to loosen.
Rey’s eyes snapped open and she was once again in her small cell, drenched in sweat.
It would not be long now.
She felt him before she saw him. Rey knew the second he had boarded the vessel and she was on her feet waiting at the window set in her door for his arrival. Her lightsaber felt heavy on her belt but she ignored the feeling.
When he arrived he had his helmet on, masking his face and any subtle emotion she had hoped to read there. He had stormtroopers behind him as an escort.
“Let her out,” his voice was muffled and altered by the mask, which felt weird having heard its true tone.
The door slid open and Rey moved to step out. As she did the stormtroopers raised their weapons, their barrels trained on her skull.
A gloved hand raised to the side was all it took for the blasters to be lowered.
“What brings you here, Rey,” the way his voice wrapped around her name made her heartbeat accelerate. Was it from fear? She couldn’t tell.
“I would like to speak to you alone,” she said, raising her chin to seem more commanding.
Escorted on either side by stormtroopers, Rey followed Kylo down various polished black hallways before turning into alcove. The door slid open and he nodded for the men to leave. Rey stepped in and took in the room. It seemed to be a simple meeting room. A large round table was in the middle, surrounded by chairs. Various hologram and communication devices were set in the middle of the table but everything was the same gleaming First Order pitch.
Rey turned away from the table to find Kylo had removed his helmet.
He looked mostly the same from when they last confronted one another. This time, however, he had a thick black synthetic bandage running from his cheek to his jaw. He seemed to have brushed his hair to visit her only for his helmet to dishevel it.
She looked into his dark eyes and nearly fell into them. Instead of meeting his intense gaze she closed her eyes finding the words that she thought she had perfect in her holding cell but now seemed to evade her.
With her eyes closed she felt the force within her again, and the force pulsating from Kylo.
“I- I feel this,” she said, her eyes still closed but her hands raising as if she was holding the power of the force in her palms and letting it run out onto the floor. “It is too strong to ignore.”
She opened her eyes, her hand falling to the hilt of the lightsaber on her hip.
“I have sought out a teacher but they have refused me,” she tried not to let the bitterness of the rejection sneak into her voice but she was sure he heard it. “They’re scared of what I can do.”
Rey pulled the lightsaber from her belt and stepped forward. Kylo stood his ground and as she came close, his push on the force hit her like a wall of heat. Still she pressed through it to kneel at his feet.
She raised the lightsaber up, looking up at him.
Chapter 2: Push
Rey looked out the window at all the tiny white spots they whizzed past. They were stars lightyears away and she wondered if anyone leaving by those stars ever held the balance of life in their hands.
She had been given her own quarters on Kylo’s ship. However, they did not feel like her’s. Everything was First Order issued- clinical. She sat on the pristine black blankets of the bed and actually thought back on her dirty home on Jakku. It was rough and all around a terrible shelter but it had character.
The one belonging of her own was her lightsaber, so out of place on the nightstand. Kylo had let her keep it but he didn’t explain why. Truthfully, Rey didn’t know why either.
She should be sleeping. They start training the next day but in space it was always so hard to tell when one day ends and the other begins. There is a clock yes, but outside of the window never changes. A constant night that never seems to wake her up or make her sleepy.
Besides that, one can hardly sleep when they can feel the raging force a floor above them. There maybe people across many planets who are force sensitive, but there is only one person Rey knows of that can use and effect the force like that and it’s Kylo.
He must not know he’s doing it. Why draw attention to himself alone in his room?
Rey gave up her musings and crawled under the covers. However, whenever she closed her eyes the force seemed to pull at her mind drawing her focus up. She fought it for a while but decided that sleep would not come unless she gave into it.
She laid on her back and closed her eyes, wandering up through the ship to the familiar messy quarters of Kylo Ren.
At first she didn’t see him. Only a small porthole with the same view of the stars as she had. She turned to see Kylo lying in bed tossing and turning. He was asleep. He must be having a nightmare.
She moved closer and saw his face drenched with sweat, his chest heaving with each breath. He was giving off ripples of power but he wasn’t consciously controlling them.
Rey tried to move in closer, but the ripples were becoming stronger and stronger, pushing against her.
He was mumbling something now. Rey knew this was invasive and the best thing to do was to retreat to her own space and leave well enough alone. However, she ignored her own advice and pushed more. She could hear it now. Through the thick metal floors of the ship, she could hear his voice.
She snapped back to her quarters, gasping for air. It was then she decided it would be best to get some sleep.
Kylo stood at the other end of the training room, his mask and long outer robe discarded. In a simple tunic and pants, he held his red lightsaber ready to strike.
Rey stood with nothing in her hands. Her eyes focused on the hilt of Kylo’s saber. She had used the force to move things before, she could do it now, right?
She glared at the metal, trying to feel the force within her to move it. Yet, nothing happened.
She tried hundreds of times. With Kylo standing still, with him charging her, stopping at the last moment- his saber flickering right beside her head.
By the end of the session she was on her knees, exhausted, but had not moved anything a single inch.
She heard Kylo’s saber turn off and he walked over, bending down in front of her. He put a finger beneath her chin and raised her face to inspect it.
“It’s there. I see it. You just have to use it.”
Rey froze, staring up at him. He didn’t move, only looked down at her. He seemed to inch closer, but maybe that was Rey’s mind playing tricks on her.
“May I?” his voice was just above a whisper, his hand moving to hover beside her temple.
Rey braced herself and nodded.
It felt like a hand reaching into her mind and grasping at her very thoughts. She refused to close her eyes, instead matching his gaze as he poked around.
Images of Jakku flashed by. Lonely nights in the sand, gazing up at the stars. The forest they had fought in. The feeling of the lightsaber flying into her hand. The sight of Kylo in his quarters, his back to her as she spied on him through the force.
Rey closed her eyes and pushed his hand away from her thoughts.
“I’m not being malicious, Rey,” he said. “I’m trying to help.”
“You’re prying. Like…,” she stopped before she said “last time” for the circumstances of that meeting were very different. She was a prisoner and he had no idea what she was capable of. So why did she feel like a prisoner once more?
“I’m looking,” he began to dip into her mind again and Rey immediately pushed him out, forcing herself into his thoughts like she had on their first meeting.
Han’s face as his lightsaber pierced his body. A building on fire, the stone crumbling into ruin. Rey standing over him in victory as the planet cracks beneath them. Rey’s face her eyes closed, and her brow furrowed in concentration.
As she was forced out, she fell back onto the floor every last bit of her energy used up.
Kylo was panting too, sweat forming on his forehead.
“I thought you wanted to become my student,” he hissed.
“And I thought you were going to stop dissecting me,” Rey slapped back.
“Dissecting?” he laughed.
“Yes! Prodding in my head, studying me like a bizarre new species!”
“That’s rich, coming from someone who spies on me in my personal quarters,” a smile caught Kylo’s lips as Rey’s breath hitched. “Just imagine how good you’d already be if you’d stop playing peeping tom and actually train.”
“I- I do train,” Rey sputtered out.
“Then show me!” Kylo clicked his lightsaber on bathing them both in crimson light. “Disarm me!”
Rey tried to focus on the saber but with the blade so close she could feel the heat burning her skin. She raised a hand, trying to push through her fingertips but her heart was beating so fast and her mind was such a jumbled mess she could hardly breath.
Rey screamed as Kylo lifted off the ground, pushed back a couple of feet before crashing into the floor. His lightsaber laid abandoned beside him, the light retreating back inside the hilt.
Rey managed a smile before passing out on the training room floor.
Chapter 3: Trust
Slowly, Rey opened her eyes. She stared above her at the ceiling of smooth polished chrome. She looked around the room which had light grey walls instead of the usual black. An infirmary of sorts, but a private room within it. Rey groaned as she sat up to lean on her elbows, her head throbbing.
“You’re awake.” Rey turned to the voice. Kylo was sitting in the corner she had not observed on a grey bench leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.
Rey met his gaze, but stayed silent. Their first training session had not gone how either of them had planned. The young woman felt a sense of shame weighing down her stomach. A sense of embarrassment about being another powerful one-with-the-force that failed to deliver.
Kylo shifted forward, leaning his elbows on his legs.
“You have to trust me,” his voice was a whisper, as if it was a secret between the two of them no one else could hear. Rey looked into his black eyes and didn’t see any malice. He was opening himself to her, his features soft. Yet, there was a tightness in Rey’s chest she could not rid herself of.
“You can understand why that is difficult for me,” she said, her mind filled with all the unpleasant interactions they had shared since meeting one another.
“Rey, you came to me,” her name is sounded odd coming from his mouth, as if the softness of the letters were hard for him to master.
“I know,” she said quickly. Rey closed her eyes, trying to gather her thoughts and after a few moments she had them. “There are two people in this world who could teach me how to use the force. I have been to one and been rejected. You are my only hope.”
He looked at her for a few moments, studying her face. She wondered if she had been too honest that he had been her second choice of a teacher. Whatever he was mulling over he stuck to his agreement.
“If you want to learn, you have to place your trust in me,” he said, extending a gloved hand out. Rey slipped her legs out from under the blankets and placed her bare feet on the cold metal floor. She was dressed in a simple white shift for patients that seemed to be too large and also too thin at the same time. She stood up and walked over to Kylo’s offer. She studied his hand.
“And you must be willing to accept it,” she said, pinching the tip of his glove above his index finger. She slowly tugged the garment off, dropping it to the floor and exposing the warm flesh of his hand. His hand was larger than hers, but not as a rough. Years on Jakku had covered her palms in callouses and his were smooth to the touch, no doubt protected by the glove she just pulled off. Rey slid her palm against his, gripping his hand tightly.
Rey looked up from their conjoined hands to Kylo’s face. His lips were set in a firm line as if he was concentrating on something- holding something back.
“I will trust you if you trust me in return,” Rey said, kneeling down to be at the same height as the sitting Kylo Ren. She reached out with her free hand, touching him on the knee.
Kylo stood up suddenly, breaking their hands apart.
“Let me know when you are feeling well enough for another session.” And he was gone.
A few hours later, Rey dressed back into her normal clothes and waved off the hovering nurses of the infirmary. She stepped into the hallway of the ship and realized she was utterly lost. She couldn’t figure out which way the training room was or even where her quarters were. Rey searched around for a sign that may reveal what floor she was on but the aesthetic of clean lines seemed to banish all useful maps from the walls.
She was feeling better, maybe even up for a short training session. That’s what she told herself. In truth her body was still battered and her mind foggy but she wanted to see her new mentor. After he had fled her hospital room in such a hurry, Rey couldn’t stop her imagination running wild.
Even if she didn’t know where she was, she could always pin point where her teacher was. Rey closed her eyes, bracing herself against a support beam and waited. She wouldn’t need to search for him, not even on a ship of this size. She would simply feel him.
Rey sensed Kylo on a lower deck so she followed her instincts and slowly made her way through lifts and stairwells and numerous hallways until she found what she was looking for.
It was a long hall, nicer than most of the ones she had been through and didn’t appear to be a throughway for anyone else other than the superior officers retreating to their quarters.
Rey stepped up to the door muffling power ripples and knocked.
There was a pause, and then she could hear movement within. The door slid open and Kylo seemed surprised to see her there. Standing over and so close, Rey marveled at the man’s height. He was a full head taller than her, her own gaze only meeting his chest.
She raised her eyes to his face and gave him an awkward smile.
“I’m ready to train,” she said. Rey inspected Kylo more closely. He was sweating, his cheeks flushed. “Oh have you been training without me?”
“No, no. I- I, come in,” Kylo fumbled with his words before standing aside to allow Rey to walk in.
Despite stepping into the room for the very first time, it all felt familiar. It was just as she had seen through the force the night before. Only it was like she had been seeing the world through black and white and now everything was in full color.
“You are still weak,” the door slid shut behind him. Rey turned to face the accusation.
“Weaker than normal, but still prepared to train,” she said, nonchalantly grabbing onto the edge of a table to hold herself steady. Rey raised her chin in defiance, trying to appear ready for anything.
Kylo sighed and rubbed his temple.
“We’ve trained enough today already,” he said.
“But I haven’t learned anything,” Rey lurched forward which made Kylo jump to red alert. She had simply been trying to gain his attention but instead she raised every alarm. His ungloved hand had grabbed her wrist, ready to yank it back if she lunged for an attack. They froze for a few moments, Kylo gripping her wrist and Rey looking up at him confused. Slowly, he let go.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, his eyes now focusing on anything but Rey’s face.
Rey looked at her wrist and then at her own feet. She would never learn a single thing if this continued.
She looked up at Kylo and decided what needed to be done.
“Come here,” she said, motioning for him to come closer. Rey went down onto her knees, but Kylo still only stared at her.
“Please,” she begged.
Kylo stepped forward, sinking to his knees in front of her.
“I’ll show you everything- all of it- if you do the same,” Rey said. Kylo’s mouth started to pull into a sneer. “You asked me to trust you. I should have the right to ask the same.”
He stared at her hard, and for a moment she thought he might banish her from his room and take her prisoner as a rebel rather than deal with the whole thing. Instead he sighed once more.
Rey cautiously grabbed Kylo’s hand and brought it to her temple. She raised her free hand to float beside Kylo’s head waiting for permission.
“Are you ready?” she said. Her heart was beating so hard he was bound to hear it thundering around in her chest.
Their eyes closed as their fingers pressed against the other’s temple.
The memories clashed at first, childhood against childhood. Rey saw Princess Leia as a younger woman just as her own miserable sandy memories filled their minds. A young Kylo staring at his grandfather’s helmet, Rey looking up at the stars over Jakku.
Then their memories began to fold together. Their first meeting on Takodana was no longer only from Rey’s own point of view but also Kylo’s. She knew the fear that had run through her veins but now she felt something else. A hunger, the adrenaline during a hunt.
Rey locked into a chair and Kylo standing over her. She could feel the words “monster” leave her mouth and felt offense. She wanted to take off the helmet that hid her face, that hid who she was. Suddenly, she was pushing into her own memories before feeling the slap of her mind pushing back.
The cold wind of the forest and the bright glow of their lightsabers. Rey could feel both of their hearts beating in time as they swirled around one another. Deep inside she felt a gnawing loneliness, a desperate need to stay together.
“You need a teacher! I can show you the ways of the Force.”
Of course, she had refused and as she watched her past self flee from the dying planet the loneliness hit her again only harder, weighing her down from the force of it.
The memory jumped to only a few hours ago with the both of them in the infirmary. Their hands were clasped, and Rey laid her hand on Kylo’s knee. She could feel it: the surprise and then the heat building within. She followed the memory as he bolted out of the room only for the ghost of the touch to linger on his skin and on his mind.
Kylo and Rey both gasped for air as they tore out of one another’s minds. Rey sagged onto the floor, what little energy she had built up during bed rest now gone. Through her exhaustion, she looked up at Kylo’s face. His face was glimmering with sweat, his eyes far off as if contemplating. Rey reached out, grabbing his wrist to pull him back to the present. His dark eyes met her light ones.
It felt scary to have everything laid out like that. All her memories, emotions, and thoughts open for someone else to pick through. Rey felt exposed and from the look on Kylo’s face he did as well.
Rey closed her eyes, thinking back on the heat in her core she had felt when they were connected. She couldn’t place it in the moment but now, thinking back it had become clear. It was a hunger, a desire.
Rey’s eyes snapped open, looking up at Kylo who was just as shell shocked as she was. Despite her taking in slow breaths, Rey’s heart rate would not slow down. She had discovered so much and she hardly knew what to do with the information.
She silently tugged on Kylo’s wrist again and he lowered himself to the floor beside her. Resting on the black carpet of his private quarters, having exhausted themselves from looking into one another’s private emotions, Rey and Kylo looked at one another.
Rey’s curiosity ate at her and, fueled by the heat still lingering within her, she decided to act on it.
She reached out, her arm barely strong enough to support its own weight. Her fingers hoovering over and then gingerly touching Kylo’s lips. The second they made contact the young man’s eyes closed, his own hand raising to hold her fingers in place as he kissed them.
Her chest fluttered and she wanted to speak but exhaustion pulled on her mind and for the second time in a day, Rey passed out.
Chapter 4: Pull
Rey awoke late the next day. If they were on Jakku it’d be the hottest part of the day, but they weren’t in that waste land of sand. They were still on Kylo’s ship, hurtling past stars towards… well she didn’t ever think to ask that.
Rey pushed herself up in bed, yawning and stretching out her aching limbs. She was feeling better, but perhaps Kylo had been right. Maybe she should take it easy so she could return to training at full strength.
Rey slid her feet out from the covers and noticed her boots placed neatly by her bedside. Someone must have taken them off for her last night, and she didn’t have to think very long about who it may have been. She stuck her feet into the worn leather and tried to stifle another yawn.
Her eyes gazed around the room and noticed it seemed much bigger than before. Her thoughts clicked together and the girl realized she wasn’t in her quarters at all. She had never left Kylo’s room.
It was as this thought was coming to her that the door slid open and Kylo Ren stepped in. They paused awkwardly, neither one knowing if they should proceed like before or if something should change. After all they had seen each other’s most private inner thoughts.
Rey’s mind couldn’t help but think of the burning heat he felt when he looked at her. She was enthralled by it, but also frightened. Kylo seemed to be a man of strong emotions- of powerful rage and intense concentration. What would desire from such a person feel like?
In her lap, Rey twisted a thin piece of cloth hanging from her clothes around her finger over and over again. She wondered what he had seen in her mind. No doubt he witnessed her frequent force visitations to his room, including the one where she found him asleep. Rey wondered what he sensed in her memories that she did not.
“You’re awake,” he finally said, the door closing with a soft “swish” behind him.
“And feeling much better,” Rey looked up and their eyes met. She stared into his dark eyes and she felt a hunger within her. A desire to push into his mind again and to feel around inside. To know every inch of him and to have him know her. She imagined herself locked into that metal chair again, and Kylo sitting beside her poking around in her head and revealing a part of her she had hidden away.
Kylo cleared his throat, his hands awkwardly clutched behind his back.
“Well, I will leave you to your rest,” he said, turning to leave.
“No,” Rey was shocked at her own urgency. She was on her feet, her voice sharp as it bounced off the metal walls of the ship. “There is no need. I am quite well.”
Kylo looked at her, and mindlessly licked his lips. Rey was all too focused on the movement of his mouth, and a heat began to simmer within her.
“I think it would be best if we put aside our training for another day,” he said. Rey watched as his adam’s apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed hard. Perhaps she did not have to push into his mind to see what he was thinking. “For your sake.”
“Did something scare you?” Rey blurted out.
“What?” he wasn’t trying to shrug her off anymore, that’s for sure.
“Did you see something in here,” Rey motioned at her head. “Something that scared you?”
“Why would you ask me that?” he said, his face pulled into a sneer.
“Because you’re acting, well, frightened,” Rey said.
“I am not,” he said, stepping closer to her using his height to tower over her.
“Okay, maybe not scared but you saw something you didn’t like,” Rey said, becoming more self-conscious of her own mind. Maybe there was something monstrous hiding behind her thoughts that could drive away another teacher. Kylo clenched his jaw and suddenly a pang of rejection spiked Rey through the chest. She couldn’t lose him. He was her last connection to the force and using it. He was the only other person like her in the galaxy, perhaps the universe and she couldn’t let him go, not like this.
“Fine,” Rey said. “I’ll get it myself.”
Taking a cue from her mentor, Rey pushed herself into his mind. It was hectic and hard to see as he was not prepared for her to pry. She felt nervousness and shame and guilt swirling around in her stomach and it made her want to throw up. She felt her fear in the forest Takodana and of her pure terror in the interrogation room. She saw her own face, with eyes wide with fright as Kylo Ren’s lightsaber flickered and sparked by her shoulder. Then the image became smaller and smaller as she was shoved out.
Rey looked to Kylo, her brow furrowed with confusion.
“I- I don’t understand,” she said, blissfully unaware.
Kylo, having abandoned his flighty approach to the situation, stared straight into her eyes, his jaw muscles tensed up.
“I frighten you,” he said, as if he was in pain. He turned away from her in attempt to hide the rest of the emotions bubbling beneath the surface.
Rey shook her head even though he couldn’t see her. He had frightened her before, but now?
The young woman stepped forward, taking Kylo’s hand in her own. She closed her eyes, focusing on the force she had just used to push and instead began to pull. She yanked on Kylo’s energy pulling at it until she could feel him enter her mind.
She showed him her thoughts as she waited for the First Order to find her. Her memory of his face and how often she thought of it. She showed him her peeking through the force, and the rapid beat of her heart as she stole private glances. She showed him the feeling of heat building within her as he kissed her fingers, and as he licked his lips, and as he stood over her. Every little moment that made a spark fly in her stomach all stacked together into a raging bonfire.
She released her hold on him, letting his energy retreat back to his own mind.
“You don’t frighten me,” she said. “Not anymore.”
Kylo placed a hand on her upper arm as he moved his body closer. She had to throw her head back to look into his eyes, exposing the skin of her throat. The fire from her memories still burned in Rey’s core and she knew from looking into Kylo’s eyes that a similar flame was raging inside of him.
After learning of one another’s desires, they couldn’t help but yearn for more. Rey slowly wrapped her arms around his neck, savoring the feeling of her body pressed fully against his.
Rey could feel the force around them spark as their passions rose. Kylo’s energy seemed to envelope her, meshing with her own.
“Rey…” he began, his voice low and husky.
A knock yanked the couple out of their trance.
“We will be in orbit in under an hour sir. General Hux expects an audience,” a voice called from the other side of the door.
Kylo paused, reluctant to give up their moment of closeness. However, duty won out and Rey felt a pang of loneliness as he pulled away from her. Kylo walked to the door sliding it open to reveal the officer who had carried the message. Kylo put his hands behind his back and gave Rey a small nod.
“I hope we may continue our session later,” he said giving her a knowing look.
“I look forward to it.”
Chapter 5: Fire
Black fabric clashed with Rey’s pale skin. The young woman had worn white and lighter colors her whole life, never daring to wear anything darker than cream for fear of overheating while out in the Jakku heat. She looked at herself in the mirror and found she liked the stark contrast between her clothes and her skin. The thick dark tunic covered her from her neck to her wrists. The tunic had slits at the hips, showing the dark pants underneath that were neatly tucked into black boots.
She ran her fingers over the rich fabric, marveling at the feeling of it against her skin.
She let down her hair, brushing it through and pinning it out of her face. She turned to check her appearance in the mirror and found she looked rather severe. The woman pulled out a few strands of hair to frame her face.
An announcement echoed through every room of the ship announcing they had entered orbit and would soon board a shuttle and dock on the planet.
Rey made her way through the maze of hallways past regiments of stormtroopers to the aggravated energy that pulsed through the ship like a heartbeat. Whatever business Kylo was attending to, it did not seem to be pleasant.
She went up a deck and through a door to a large room surrounded in windows. Through them, she could see the planet below like a ball floating in a black soup. Rey scanned the room and found the source of the disturbance.
Kylo Ren, complete with mask, was focused on a screen in front of him. The desk beside him had deep divots and scorch marks, no doubt left by his lightsaber.
Rey started for him when a man, a lieutenant by the look of it, grabbed her by the arm.
“You are not allowed here, girl,” he said and started to drag her towards the door. Rey was about to speak out, her fingers flying to her hip where her lightsaber hung, when the pressure on her arm lessened and she turned to see the man floating in the air, his hands clawing at his neck.
She turned to Kylo who had a single hand in the air.
“She goes where she pleases,” he said, before letting the lieutenant crash onto the floor in a heap. Rey bent down beside him.
“Are you okay?” she asked, reaching out to offer the man help off the ground.
“Get away from me,” he said, his voice hoarse and weak after having been choked. He scrambled away from her before rising to his feet and stumbling out of the room.
“You have a soft heart.” Rey looked up but found Kylo was focused, once again, on the screen before him.
Rey stood, her chest aching.
“So do you.”
Kylo spun around, marching towards her with such urgency and intensity she took a step back. He grabbed her by the shoulder, his mask inches from her face.
“Don’t say such things. Not here. You don’t know what you’re doing,” he hissed, his voice altered by his mask.
Rey yanked her arm free from his grasp. She was confused. Just an hour earlier they had been so close. She hated herself that even now, standing so close to him sent sparks fluttering around her stomach.
“What’s going on,” she asked, her voice low and her eyes searching for anything behind his mask that may tell her.
Kylo looked around before grabbing her by the arm again and quickly leading her from the room. They traveled down the hallway before they stopped abruptly at a door. Kylo waved it open with a flick of his wrist and pulled them inside.
The door slid shut and they were enveloped in darkness.
“Kylo what are we doing in a closet?” Rey asked, reaching a hand out against the wall trying to gauge her surroundings. In the pitch blackness it was hard to sense anything except Kylo’s raging energy that seemed to grow louder and brighter in her mind every second. “Kylo what’s going-”
There was a clunk of metal as Kylo’s helmet hit the floor. Warm hands grabbed her palms and suddenly she was pressed against him, his lips on hers. Rey melted into his desperate embrace, a fire lit within her. She grabbed at him with frantic hands until she found his hair and grabbed handfuls of dark curls to hang on to. Rey could feel Kylo’s hunger as he kissed her, his lips moving to her jaw and then her neck. Her new First Order issued uniform was in the way of his endeavor. He grunted, and Rey could feel his hand fumble with her zipper before ripping it down, exposing the skin of her throat to his touch.
Rey pressed herself against him, savoring the feeling of his lips on her neck and the sensation of his desire filling her mind through the force. However, Rey wanted to touch him- to feel his skin beneath her hands. Her fingers searched his chest but in the darkness and the distraction of Kylo’s vicious kisses she was unable to find it. Rey focused her energy and, through the force, found the beginning of his tunic and without even touching it, pulled it open.
Kylo pulled away from her for a moment, their breath mingling.
“Well done,” he praised before pushing her backwards until she met the cool metal of the wall. Their lips met again and Rey slid her hands under Kylo’s opened tunic, feeling the warmth of his skin and the hardness of the muscles beneath it. Kylo’s hands grabbed hers, pulling them away from his chest and pinning them against the wall above her head.
“Rey…” he whispered breathlessly. A gasp escaped Rey’s mouth as Kylo’s mouth met her collarbone, kissing and biting at her skin. She wiggled underneath him, enjoying just touching him. She would never tire of his touch, not when it elicited such a powerful reaction in her body. Her knees were weak and her core burned to have him.
“Attention. We are now boarding Shuttle 76-9G for the planet’s surface,” a calm voice called over the intercom.
Kylo cursed under his breath, but let go of Rey’s hands and back away.
They both, reluctantly, replaced their clothing. There was a scrape of metal as Kylo picked his helmet up off the floor and slipped it on.
The door opened, spilling light into the small space. They stepped into the hallway, hoping that the passing workmen didn’t think to wonder why they were inside of a closet.
“No one will interrupt us on the surface,” he said, reaching up to tuck a lock of Rey’s hair behind her ear. “Or I’ll kill them.”
Chapter 6: Connection
Hey guys! I just wanted to say thank you for all the support you've been giving. I enjoy writing this fic and I'm thrilled that people enjoy reading it!
So thank you for your love and I hope you enjoy!
They descended the ramp in neat lines. Segments of equally spaced storm troopers and lieutenants all filing down the metal incline to the surface as if it was perfectly rehearsed. Kylo marched down the middle and Rey followed awkwardly behind him. There was no designated spot for a pupil so she wedged herself into one. Her fingers kept fidgeting with her collar, worried that a love bite from Kylo may be showing. Her cheeks were still flushed that was for sure. Despite his modest clothing and mask, Rey could still feel waves of passion rolling off her companion and it made it difficult to forget her own desires.
However, the mere amount of people waiting for them to arrive put her on high alert. She walked with her back straight, her chin up, and her fingers itchy to grab her lightsaber. A lean red-haired man in a black uniform stood at the front of the crowd. She remembered him in a few of Kylo’s memories. From first impressions, she did not care for him. He was… severe.
Her throat tightened as her feet hit the gravel of the planet. It was a barren, cold planet. Mostly rocky terrain and harsh winds that seemed to cut right through the fabric of her tunic. The base was half built. Some of the buildings still had rebar showing and walls missing. However, the largest one stood before them and was complete. It was large and flat, maybe only two stories in total but stretched out over the terrain making up for its short height.
The enlisted men came to a stop but Kylo charged on, and Rey followed suit.
“Snoke is waiting,” Hux said, his thin lips curling as his eyes reached her.
“My student, Rey,” Kylo said, introducing her. Rey gave Hux a respectful nod which he returned with half of the enthusiasm.
“Come, we mustn’t keep him waiting any longer,” Hux said, starting for the bay doors of the base headquarters. Rey began to follow them when Hux stopped and glared at her.
“Alone,” he hissed. She felt a spike of anger in Kylo’s energy, but she didn’t wish to fight. Rey took a step back and watched them walk into the base leaving her out in the literal cold.
She looked around at the stormtroopers around her and all the First Order men and women. I am one of them now. Her stomach twisted at the thought.
Kylo Ren yanked off his helmet, tucking it under his arm.
“You don’t have to do that,” he said, his jaw tense.
“What?” the General asked.
“Be rude to her,” Kylo bristled at Hux’s feigned ignorance.
“Snoke isn’t going to like it. I can tell you that much. It was a bad idea bringing her here. She could be spying on us, worming her way in to take us down from the inside,” Hux said, his eyes focused ahead.
“She isn’t,” Kylo said softly, his mind filled with Rey’s own thoughts and none of them proved to be malicious.
“Well, you shouldn’t be wasting your time with her anyway. You’ve dedicated too much to her already,” Hux replied.
“The Supreme Leader will be happy I have brought another powerful force user over to our side,” Kylo said, his irritations at the General building.
“We’ll just have to see, won’t we,” Hux said mockingly before throwing open a door and motioning for Kylo to enter.
It was similar to the room on Starkiller Base, only smaller. It was dark and Snoke’s hologram flickered to life as the two men stepped in.
“I thought I told you not to be seduced by the light,” the elder’s voice rumbled through the room before the pair had even reached the hologram.
“What do you speak of Supreme Leader?” Kylo asked, keeping his face as neutral as possible.
“That girl… the scavenger…” Snoke hissed between his teeth.
“She has given herself to the Dark Side, to be trained in the ways of-,” Kylo was cut off before he could finish.
“She has given herself to you!” Snoke snapped. “She isn’t on the dark side, she has barely even seen darkness. The longer you’re with her the farther you pull away from me.”
Kylo gritted his teeth together, choking back the words he wished to say.
“Even now you’re thinking of her!” Snoke hissed. “She should be sent away at once.”
“Supreme Leader, I can bring her to the dark side,” Kylo said, his words firm. “I can bring her to follow you and your teachings. She is strong and would be invaluable against the enemy.”
Snoke’s holographic form leaned forward, squinting to get a good look at Kylo’s face.
“Fine. You may continue your trainings with the scavenger for now,” he said. “General, supervise their sessions and report to me if there is any promise in continuing this endeavor. If not we can send the distraction away and put our energies back into important work.”
Kylo opened his mouth to protest but the hologram flickered and was gone.
“How about we go see how much your pupil has learned,” Hux mocked.
Rey held out her lightsaber, the blue blade flickering and sparking before her. Kylo walked around her, inspecting her stance.
“Relax,” he said from behind her, his hands touching her shoulders for the briefest second it took to push them down out of their tensed position. They were wary to touch one another with Hux’s watchful eye hanging over them.
“Kylo, you’ve been drilling stances and lunges for an hour,” Hux called out annoyed from his seat at the edge of the room.
“I’m sorry training is not always thrilling to watch,” he snapped back.
“You, girl, can you move things,” the General’s icy eyes were on Rey.
“What?” she mumbled, her nerves getting the best of her.
“Can you use the force like Kylo?” he continued, impatiently.
“I have before,” Rey stuttered.
General Hux rose from his seat, and poked his head out of the door into the hallway.
“Mitaka, get over here,” he called. A lieutenant appeared in the door way. His eyes grew wide as he saw who was waiting inside the room and Rey recognized him as the man Kylo had choked earlier that same day. “Lieutenant. I have a special task for you today. Go stand in the middle of the room over there.”
The man warily walked forward, standing between Kylo and Rey and looking terribly uncomfortable.
“Let’s see it,” the General said.
“See what?” Rey asked, knowing what he wanted of her but trying to wish it away.
“I want to see you use the force on Lieutenant Mitaka here,” Hux said, giving her a smile that did not encourage her at all.
“Of course,” she mumbled before turning to face the man before her.
She didn’t want to do it. She had only used the force for self-defense before. Sure, she poked around in Kylo’s head but he did that to her first. This would be hurting a man for no reason, it would be…
It would be a step towards the dark side.
Rey looked past the frightened man to Kylo. His eyes met hers and she felt a rift between them. He nodded at her to do it and her heart twisted in her chest. She had begged Kylo to teach her and if she refused this she would be abandoned again.
It was all Luke’s fault. She had gone to him with an open heart and an open mind and he had scorned her. Just because she was powerful he thought she was dangerous. Well, she’d show him just how dangerous she could be. He made her what she was, didn’t he?
The anger built up inside of her, each new thought another piece of kindling on the fire of her mind. She had tried her whole life to be good, kind even and what did she get for it? A lonely miserable existence on Jakku and rejection from the hero of legends.
Rey glared up at the man who had wronged her only by assuming she was unimportant. No one was going to think that again.
Her hand shot out, her fingers curling in the air as if around a throat. The man gasped for air as the force crushed his windpipe. She raised her arm, lifting the man off his feet so that he was hanging in the air with the tips of his toes scrapping the floor.
She watched his face slowly turn red and then a deep shade of purple, and his eyes begin to bug out of his skull.
Everyone would learn what she was capable of.
No one would ever think her weak or worthless.
“Rey!” Kylo’s voice cut through her throats, and her focus on the man dropped. He fell onto the floor, and for a brief moment didn’t seem to move. Finally, he took a large gasp of air and began coughing as if his lungs were trying to climb out of his chest.
Rey looked to Kylo and then to General Hux.
“Very good, girl,” the General said, looking genuinely impressed.
It took a while to lose Hux. The General kept finding more topics to speak with Kylo about, but eventually he bid them goodnight and headed for his rooms.
The couple calmly walked through the base, reaching Kylo’s assigned rooms and ignoring the smaller quarters they had hastily put together for Rey.
Once the door was shut, Kylo shoved Rey against it, his hands on her hips and his mouth on her neck.
Rey wrapped her arms around his neck pulling him closer against her body, throwing her head back to expose more of her throat to his hungry kisses. Kylo quickly unzipped the front of her tunic and ripped it off, throwing it across the room. With Rey down to her undershirt Kylo could see his previous handiwork from their adventure in the closet.
“Oh look,” he said giving her a devilish smile, his fingers caressing a bruise on her collarbone. “I left my mark.”
Kylo’s knee pressed between her legs and she couldn’t help but dig her fingers into his thick hair, tugging on the dark locks. She pressed her lips hard against his, memorizing the taste of him.
Kylo picked Rey up, wrapping her legs around his waist, and carried her over to the desk set in the front room. They knocked over a lamp and a bunch of files but neither cared. Their hands were everywhere, trying to touch all of their partner at once. Rey’s lips ached to know more of Kylo’s skin, more of his taste, his scent- all of him.
He pulled away for a moment to open his tunic and shrug it off onto the floor. Rey had felt him in the darkness in this state of undress, and even spied on him from behind through the force but to see it in person with her own eyes made her hunger for him even more. Pale skin stretched over toned muscle, his arms rippling as he reached for her and dragged her close against him once again.
Rey couldn’t resist his touch and embraced the roughness of his lips traveling down her chest. She could feel a hardness press against her, and suddenly she knew if anyone interrupted them Kylo wouldn’t have to kill them because she’d do it first.
“Enough of these clothes,” he groaned, pushing her back down onto the desk and slipped off her boots. His hands found the clasp to her pants and as he undid it, he kisses the parts of her stomach is exposed. Then he was yanking her pants off of her, shimming them off her hips before tossing them aside like the rest of their clothing.
He paused for a moment, gazing at her laid out on the desk.
“What?” she asked breathlessly, barely dressed and flushed with desire.
“You’re gorgeous,” Kylo said in a rush as he grabbed Rey by the waist and hoisted her over his shoulder. She giggled and kicked in play defiance as he carried her from the front room of his quarters to the bed room.
Rey dropped onto the bed, stretching out on the plush fabric, looking up at Kylo unbuttoning his pants and slipped out of them. He was on top of her in seconds, his mouth everywhere leaving small bite marks and bruises to show where he had conquered.
Then he was inside of her, their bodies moving together as Kylo’s mouth devoured her neck. Rey moaned his name as he moved within her, their energies melding into a single raging red glow.
Rey had never known touch could feel this could, that another person’s body could make her own feel like exploding fireworks. Excited with ecstasy, she yanked at Kylo’s shoulders moving him beneath her so that she was on top moving her hips in time with his. His hands rested on her hips, gripping them hard as if she might run away if he let go. She looked down into his face, his dark eyes half closed from pleasure. Rey grinned at him before leaning down and biting down on his ear, eliciting a low groan from Kylo.
They continued like that well into the night, exploring one another’s bodies and leaving trophies across the other’s skin until they exhausted all of their energy.
Rey curled up in Kylo’s arms, nothing hidden between the two now. Their minds had been exchanged and now so had their bodies.
As Kylo softly snored next to her, Rey thought back on one of her first meetings with him.
“Don’t be afraid,” he had said. “I feel it too.”
They shared a connection, one no one else could ever understand. Together, they would be unstoppable.
The rebellion would never see it coming.
Chapter 7: Traitor
There is a soberness to morning. The light of a distant star filled the windows as the planet’s sun rose to wake them.
I don’t even know the name of this planet Rey thought to herself, watching the beams of early red inch across the floor. Kylo was still sound asleep next to her, his arm slung over her waist and his head nestled into her shoulder.
The young woman stared up at the ceiling and began to wonder how she came to be here. Guilt began to eat away at her stomach. She had hurt an innocent, and for what? Because General Hux told her to? Since when does she care what he thinks of her?
The truth was she found a darkness within her, a small bundle of resentment built up over years of rejection that had been let lose for the first time.
She simply couldn’t let it out again.
Rey slipped out of the covers, collecting her clothes off the floor and slipping them on in the front room as not to wake Kylo. She could see her reflection in the polished sheen of the door and she looked just like them- all the First Order cronies. Truthfully, she looked like one of Kylo’s Knights in their long black cloaks and she simply couldn’t bare it.
Rey ripped off the long outer cloak, choosing to leave in pants in a sleeveless tunic instead. That way she looked a little like herself, even if only a little.
It was shame that carried her through the base to the infirmary. It was still very early and not many people were out of their quarters yet. She poked her head through the door, looking for a nurse to help her. A young man in grey clothing looked at her, squinting at her clothing and obvious lack of displayed rank.
“I’m looking for Lieutenant Mitaka,” she said quietly, not wanting to wake the other patients. The nurse hesitated, unsure whether to accept her request, then nodded for her to follow. Rey felt out of place in the infirmary in her pitch-black clothes. Despite leaving her hair down and her alterations to her outfit she still felt like someone else, and that person did feel welcomed in this place of kindness and healing.
The nurse stopped at a curtain and pulled it back. The man was asleep, lying still in sheets the color of stone. His monitor was beeping softly, but she could see the thick purple bruise blooming on his neck.
“Is he… is he going to be okay?” she asked, her voice thick.
“Yes, with time. I’ll give you a moment alone,” the man disappeared to check on other patients and Rey slowly moved to the Lieutenant’s bed side. She sat on a small stool and watched his chest rise and fall. She waited for a few long minutes, trying to get her thoughts in order before speaking.
“I- I’m so sorry,” she said, tears stinging her eyes. The poor man couldn’t even hear her and she was babbling like a child. “I’m so sorry I did this to you.”
There was nothing else she could give this man. She had hurt him, humiliated him, used him for her own gain and noting she could do would ever change that. For a single night Rey embraced the sticky black tar that hid in the back of her heart. She brought all of her pain to the front of her mind and tried to hurt the world like it had hurt her. Instead she had brought pain to a man who had not earned it.
That’s not what she wanted. Not at all.
Rey sat with her head and in her hands, trying to think of a way to break the news to Kylo. She felt so drawn to him, so deeply infatuated with every part of him but she couldn’t go down this road. She wasn’t sure if she could even be his student anymore. She had embraced the dark and it had made her sick with regret. The only problem was she didn’t know if she could give up the force. She had turned her cloak to learn more about it and if she turned traitor here too there would be no where left for her to go.
“Fuck!” a gruff voice yelled from the other end of the infirmary. The sound of many boots scuffing the floor filled in the quiet space and the nurse from before ran past the open curtain to the sound. Rey stood, and looked around to the commotion. A handful of stormtroopers stood in the door, one with his helmet off, holding his arm against his chest.
“The fucking rebels nearly took off my hand,” he spat, pain etched in every line of his face.
“Did they get away?” the nurse asked, moving the solider to a bed to lie down on to check his wounds.
“Not this time,” the man grinned. “Got them in chains now.”
“Oh good,” the nurse seemed more occupied with his work than the stormtroopers’ victory.
“And not just scouts this time either. A couple pilots and that traitor,” he smirked through his pain, the thought of his battle distracting from the pain. “I can’t wait to hear what they sing in interrogation.”
Rey’s heart leapt into her throat. The friends she had left behind where here. They wouldn’t want to see her, not after everything happened. She closed her eyes, and thought about how the night before mind, drunk with power, was set on controlling the universe. Today, she felt herself being pulled towards something else. Her eyes drifted to the Lieutenant still sleeping peacefully.
She would right her wrongs. Today.
Rey tip toed into Kylo’s quarters, holding her breath and determined not to make a noise. She could hear his snoring from the bedroom and she felt at least proud that she had exhausted him the night before. The memories of his lips on her skin and his hands roaming her body filled her mind and for a moment all she wanted to do was to crawl into bed feel his touch again.
She shook her head to banish the thought but it stuck itself inside her skull. She would have to ignore it. Her heart ached but she continued her mission. Rey bent down and picked up Kylo’s cloak off the floor of the front room where it had been abandoned the evening before.
Her eyes traveled across to where his lightsaber sat perched on the desk.
For a brief moment she remembered his lips against her ear, and the way his hair felt when she grabbed it by the handful.
No more. She would deal with the repercussions later. She would deal with Kylo when the time came.
She walked down to the little hut where an officer had directed her to where the prisoners were waiting for their interrogations. Kylo’s helmet felt too large on her head, but she was thankful to be hiding behind. His cloak dragged the ground behind her and she hoped no one was awake enough to see that Kylo Ren had shrunk a considerable amount. His lightsaber felt heavy on her hip, like every betrayal she had commented in the last week. The rebellion might (and that was a small might) forgive her, but she knew Kylo never would and the emotions the thought brought up were pushed aside. She had work to do.
The prison was a small, concrete structure tucked behind a wing of the main base. Rey approached the building, and waved a gloved hand at the guard.
“You will take a break from your duties,” she said.
“I will take a break from my duties,” he repeated before robotically turning and walking away.
She entered the small structure and peered into the dim cells. They were mostly empty- a new base after all- but a few figures looked up to sneer at her entrance.
Finn sat against the wall, a large gash in his upper thigh no doubt attributing to his capture. Poe Dameron sat in the cell adjacent to him and shrunk back when she turned to look at him.
“So, we meet again,” Poe spat at him. “Come to probe our minds?”
“No,” Rey said, the mask altering her voice. Then she clicked the side of the helmet and pulled it off. “I’ve come to free you.”
Poe stood, wanting to each through the bars of his cell for her but hesitant.
“Rey?” Finn asked, still seated on the ground. He looked woozy from blood loss.
“It’s me Finn,” she said, kneeling down in front of Finn’s cell, gripping the bar to keep from trying to touch him.
“How’d you get Kylo Ren’s helmet?” Poe asked, confused.
“Long story and we don’t have a lot of time,” she said. Rey stood up and reached a gloved hand out, focusing on the locks of their cells and clicked them open. Poe slammed open the door and immediately went into Finn’s, helping him up and shoulder his weight.
Rey donned Kylo’s helmet again, and went to the door and peered out. She had walked the yard on her way to the prison and eyed a small craft that could be used as an escape. It was tiny, but would be fast. The shortest path to the ship was straight through the watchtowers and stormtroopers on duty.
She chewed on her lip, and looked around before spotting two men in maintenance coveralls takin a short cut around the prison to the ship yard instead of through the wandering halls to the front of the base.
“Stay here,” she whispered to Poe and Finn before heading out to greet them.
It did not take much convincing to get the two men to follow her to the jail and then easy enough to knock them out and get Finn and Poe in their coveralls.
“This might be a stupid idea,” she said, her voice sounding strange being filtered through Kylo’s mask. “But it’s the only one we got right now.”
“I’m ready when you are,” Finn said, with a determined nod.
She looked to the door before pausing. She turned back to the rebels and got a good look at their faces. Who knows if she’d ever see them again.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m sorry I left.”
Finn reached out and touched her arm and gave her a smile.
“It’s okay. You’re with us now.”
Each of them took in a deep breath and then stepped out into the early morning sun. They tried to appear normal, and Rey stretched herself to her full height attempting to look tall. Finn struggled not to limp, but Poe stood close by ready to help him if he needed it.
No one seemed to notice them. People tend to avert their eyes when they see Kylo Ren so that was to their advantage. They were half way through the yard. The guards still paced back and forth in their towers, bored out of their minds no doubt. They were reaching the ship line, where large cargo and small shuttles were organized and filed probably to Hux’s standards.
They're going to make it she thought and allowed herself to smile underneath the mask.
“REY!” the voice that had whispered her name in the heat of lust hours before hand echoed across the yard. She froze, and turned to see Kylo sans helmet and cape, absolutely fuming.
“RUN!” she screamed over her shoulder and Poe and Finn took off for the ship.
Rey, despite the dread that weighed her down, walked towards the middle of the yard trying to place herself between Kylo and the pair. She grabbed Kylo’s lightsaber from her belt but doubted she could use it. It wasn’t tuned to her. She raised it anyway and the red blade sparked and flickered for a few moments before vanishing back inside the hilt.
Kylo’s hand shot out and the lightsaber flew from her hand. It soared across the yard and into his palm.
Rey looked away for just a moment, trying to gauge where Poe and Finn where. They had just reached the ship and but Finn was having trouble with his leg.
Rey turned back just in time to feel the force wrap around her throat and start to drag her forward. She had been caught off guard, but she was determined to fight it. She dug her heels into the rocky ground, and reached out with her own energy pushing away the force choke. It was slow, painful work. Kylo was angry beyond words and he was ruthless with his power. The pressure let up a little at first and then she felt it entirely lift. Kylo cried out in frustration and alighted his sabre, bathing his face with a red glow. He started for her, his long strides quickly gaining ground. She saw her own sabre hanging from his belt brought as a replacement for his own she had stolen.
Rey reached out, yanking it off of him and savoring the feeling of the metal in her hand. She alighted her sabre, and braced herself for the fight. A blaster fired from base, smacking into the ground by her feet.
“SHE’S MINE!” Kylo shouted, his voice hoarse and his black eyes alight with rage.
Rey stumbled backwards and looked to Poe and Finn’s progress. Poe had the dashboard lit up and Finn sat by the entrance ramp motioning for her to follow.
After all she had done, they were going to welcome her back. Rey felt her focus slack as she looked into Finn’s face and saw acceptance and friendship.
But she wasted her chance.
“Watch out!” Finn screamed and Rey turned just in time to see Kylo’s lightsaber coming down on top of her. She slipped out of the way, a good few inches of her stolen cloak scorched off. Kylo reached out a hand, using the force to knock the helmet off her head.
“Go!” she shouted to Poe, raising her sabre and trying to ignore the exhaustion in her muscles.
Kylo slashed down at her again, and Rey raised her blade to catch his, their sabers stuck together as they each refused to back down.
“GO!” she screamed. The ship’s door closed and the engines roared as they began to lift off from the surface. Rey was distracted as the ship gained height and then veered off through the clouds. The image was so familiar to her, but this time she didn’t feel sad or lonely.
Kylo twisted their lightsabers, causing hers to slip from her fingers and crash into the gravel beside her. With her unarmed, he grabbed her by the throat and raised her into the air. Rey clawed at his hand, feeling the world drift away as her lungs were denied air.
She felt triumphant.
She aimed a hard kick into his chest and his arm faltered. Rey crashed to the ground onto her knees. However, his fingers were quick to grab her hair, yanking her face up to look into it.
“Sorry, Master,” she said, light headed but with her eyes firmly connected to his dark gaze. “I seem to have wandered off my chosen path.”
The back of his hand connected with her face, sending searing pain through her cheek and the roots of her teeth.
She smirked at him, his blow drawing blood from her lip. His fingers twitched and the world went black.
Chapter 8: Different
She woke with a start, as if someone was yanking her out of sleep. Rey gasped, her eyes darting around, her body still living in the adrenaline from her fight. Iron filled her mouth and her muscles ached. She was sitting on the floor of a dark room, her wrists cuffed together with thick metal. Her legs were not chained, so she moved to rise to them. They buckled beneath her sending her face first into the cold metal floor. A hand gripped her shoulder, pulling her roughly to her knees. Rey could feel him standing behind her. Rage was a common emotion from him, but it was different now- heightened. It seemed to burn the back of her neck.
“Do you have any idea what I have done for you?” his voice was mangled through his mask, controlled but just barely so. Rey didn’t answer, just weakly pulled at her arm restraints as if they’d decide to let her go. “I saw promise in you.”
Boots scuffed the floor as he walked around her, his robes just barely skimming the floor. He was a part of the darkness around him, is cape melting around him into the dimness of the room and making Rey wonder if he was real or a dream.
He crouched down before her, and grabbed her chin with a gloved hand.
“And I still do,” there were more emotions dotting his frustrations with her but she couldn’t read them. She reached out to grasp them but he felt her and yanked them away, hiding behind a thick wall. Rey could have fought him and found what he was hiding from her, but she was weak and had done enough harm. “You will continue your training with me. You will do exactly as I say.”
Rey’s face contorted with confusion. She had blatantly gone behind his back and freed rebel prisoners. She had impersonated him and had drawn a weapon against him. She had betrayed him. Rey had not wanted to think about that at the time, but it was the truth.
“I- I don’t understand,” she said, looking up in his mask as if he could see the man behind it. He felt cold hidden by metal with his emotions tucked away. She had become accustom to his warmth, and missed it in its absence.
“Those rebels tried to seduce you. Tried to pull you to the light, remember?” he punched the words, as if to leave an imprint in her memory. “After all you are still a pupil and weak. Such relapses are to be expected.”
Rey stared at him for a moment. He knew damn well what she had been thinking. He could see it in her mind and know that no such thing happened. That she had made the decision before even laying eyes on Poe or Finn. Her crimes warrant execution, and yet he had lied for her. Protected her after all she had done.
“Why?” she asked. There were a million other questions on her lips but the single word was the only one that came out.
He yanked his hand away and stood. Kylo walked around her kneeling form, his steps growing softer. For a moment, Rey thought he was going to leave without giving her an answer but just as a the sound of the door swishing open filled the room, spilling light all around her she felt the words enter her mind.
You know why.
The following weeks were excruciating. From dawn until dusk Rey was on her feet drilling, sparing, and all around exhausting herself. At day break she was in the white walled training room with Kylo, who rarely removed his helmet in her presence or speak to her besides giving orders or critiques. Hux had sat in on a few of their earlier sessions but had decided he was needed in other more important matters and left them alone to their work. She was constantly moving, always on her guard. She learned the hard way that there are no such things as breaks in the Kylo Ren’s class. The first day of their new sessions she was still nervous and unsure what to expect from him. They had run a few blocking moves and he turned away from her. Rey had closed her eyes for a second to gather herself when she searing pain ripped through her cheek.
She opened her eyes to his light saber burning into the skin right above her cheek bone. Rey ducked out of the way, falling to the ground in the process.
“You can never let your guard down,” he said, turning away as if he couldn’t stand to look at her. “You are always a target.”
Every morning she would look in the mirror to see if it had healed. It was a slow process and the longer it took the more she knew it was going to scar. Fine, now they both had scars.
In truth, the hard training was improving her. Her muscles, already strong from climbing around on ships on Jakku, were more defined. Her instincts were quicker, and she was becoming proficient with a lightsaber. However, as her body gained muscle memory as it was worked to the very edge, her force skills seemed to rust. Kylo hid behind his mental walls, never once calling out to her. He never asked for her to use the force, to either disarm or hurt anyone. He seemed to ignore it all together, focusing only on the physical.
Sometimes, in the evenings during the last hours of their sessions, as exhaustion crept into both of their bodies, should could feel it. Through his crumbling walls, she could sense a hint of him seeping through the cracks. There was the familiar anger that seemed to always hang over him, but there would be different things to. Sometimes pride when she would get the best of him while sparing. Sometimes frustration when her body gave up on her before their time was done.
However, there had been a handful of times when it was something stronger, more intoxicating. One day, in particular, they had been practicing hand to hand combat. Kylo had shed his robes for the lesson to allow more ease of movement, and half way through the day discarded his helmet as well. It had been the first time in a week Rey had seen his face and she tried not to seem interested by it. They had thrown themselves at each other all day. Practicing being assaulted from every angle, using only their bodies to halt their opponent. It was nearing the end of their lesson, and Kylo commanded Rey try to attack him.
Rey looked for an opening, her eyes trying not to meet his as he readied himself to reverse her attack like he had the previous ten times she had attempted this. She had tried every other angle. From behind, jumping onto his back to grab his neck only to be flipped over his shoulder and the wind knocked out of her lungs when she connected with the floor. She hadn’t tried head on because, in all honesty, she didn’t want to face those dark eyes. Even know, she felt them on her watching her take in deep breaths as she decided her best course of action. They used to show so much to her, but now they seemed like locks hiding away all the treasures she used to be privy to.
She lunged, running across the training floor, her fingers pulled into fists. She aimed for his jaw, but as she threw out her arm, his fingers curled around her wrist blocking her attack. Then, without seeming to think about it, his other arm wrapped around her shoulders and he brought her against his chest. Her momentum through her into his embrace and Rey turned her head as not to smack her nose against his sternum. Then, instead of releasing and returning to their starting positions as they had a hundred times before, they remained still.
Rey, with her ear pressed against his chest, would hear Kylo’s heart beating quickly. She didn’t want to move, she wanted to close her eyes and pretend they were back in the dark supply closet with her skin aching for his touch. That’s when she felt it. Mixed with fatigue and the always present anger, she sensed his desire. She could feel it in the way he gripped her closer to him, and how his heart beat refused to slow.
Rey peered up at him, her eyes skimming over his lips before diving into the darkness of his eyes. His desire grew, rippling out from his body. Rey shivered as it hit her, her own mind thick with warm wanting.
Then his arms were at his side and the pair stepped back putting as much space in between them as possible.
“That’s enough for today.”
Despite her exhaustion, Rey had been begun to be plagued with nightmares. For the last couple of days every time she put her head down it was filled with terror. Crippling loneliness as she wanders through sand for hours without ever seeing anything or anyone. Clambering through a decommissioned First Order ship and slowly being crushed within its ever-narrowing hallways. Some of her dreams, however, were a little different in nature.
Tonight, was one of those. She went to bed and suddenly she was in the sand of Jakku climbing through the scrape yards under dim moonlight. She entered a destroyer through a hole in its hull and squinted in the darkness to make out anything.
She felt him behind her, his arm gripping her waist and his breath warm on the side of her neck. Rey’s heart jumped into her throat, her body alive with want. Every nerve was on high alert to feel every caress, every shift of air against her skin. The hand on her waist tugged her back, pressing her body against his. She closed her eyes, trying to fight the overwhelming wave of desire that had washed over her.
“Don’t be afraid,” he whispered into her ear. “I feel it too.”
Rey woke up with her skin hot and her face flushed. She around her small private rooms. They had made a room for her on the opposite end of the base from the officer’s quarters where she had stolen Kylo’s clothes and sabre. It was a small square room barely big enough for a bed and dresser. She looked up to the clock on her dresser.
She skidded into the training room, her heart thudding in her ears, her hair a tangled mess hanging around her shoulders, and her tunic have buttoned with her under shirt still peeking through at the top.
“You’re late,” Kylo said from behind his mask, his arms crossed.
“I’m sorry,” she panted, her lungs still searing from her dash across the base. “I overslept.”
“Laps,” he said. Her heart sank. Kylo had made Rey run laps only once before. She had what he labeled “back talked” and was sent out to the ship yard to run through the ships. The thing about the ship yard was that it was miles long. She had barely made it to the far end of the freighters when she had tripped and slid into the gravel. She had woken up in her quarter the next morning, her legs shaking like gelatin. Kylo had made her train despite her inability to keep her legs underneath her. The thought of repeating the endeavor was not appealing.
“But I-,” Rey began to protest the punishment when Kylo raised a gloved hand to halt her words.
“Go, or you’ll be doing them tomorrow too,” he said, before folding his hands behind his back.
She bet he enjoyed this. She could feel it radiating off him- it felt like excitement. He must be overjoyed to see her run herself into the ground again.
“Scruffy looking-,” Rey mumbled under her breath as she turned to the door.
“What was that?” he knew damn well what she had been saying.
“Nothing,” she said, giving him forced smile before heading out to the yard.
It was hot. Most of the days on the surface were cool, with strong winds and grey clouds. However, today the nearby star was beating down on the rocky soil and on Rey. She stood at the edge of the ships, daring a look over to the empty space where the ship Finn and Poe had stolen had been parked.
Kylo stepped besides her, blocking her view. She snapped her eyes forward, peering down the long aisle between the ships.
“How many laps do I have to do?” she asked, procrastinating her journey.
“As many as you can,” he said.
Rey sighed and rolled her shoulders, readying her body for the abuse it was about to take.
“Hurry up, it’s only going to get hotter,” he said. Rey resisted the urge to shoot him a glare and took off down the yard.
Like the last time she had run, everything began to look the same. She tried to notice the ships she passed but they all melted together. The first mile wasn’t usually a problem and she tried to enjoy the ease of it while she could.
Rey was about fifteen minutes into the run when she had to step around a shuttle that had landed half way into the aisle between the ships. As she ran around it, something from the other side grabbed her by the arm and yanked her off her feet, dragging her toes through the gravel.
Panic filled her mind as a hand clamped down over her mouth and she was dragged off the aisle and into the shadow of the shuttle. Fear tugged at her mind and suddenly she was reaching out through the force in her terror.
Kylo! Her mind screamed the name, hoping he wouldn’t turn it away.
I’m here slid into her mind as the hand fell from her mouth. She pulled out the person’s hold on her arm and turned around. Kylo was standing in the shadow of the shuttle, his arm still reaching out for her like he may take a hold of her again. His hands were bare, his helmet nowhere to be seen and his cape and long robes discarded.
Rey’s confusion was spelled out on her face and Kylo motioned her forward. Rey looked each way down the aisle of ships before following him into the shadow of the shuttle’s wing.
“What are you do-,” she began was swallowed by the shadow, but her words were stopped by Kylo’s mouth on hers. She didn’t fight it, but welcomed it with the viciousness of a woman tasting water after years of wandering a desert. Her body melted into his, his hands holding her shoulders to him, then traveling down the small of her back.
They separated to gasp for air, and Rey searched his eyes. He saw her curiosity and opened his mind to her, waves of want and desire rippled through her. He reached out a memory to her and she pushed into it eagerly. She realized how much she missed being privy to his private thoughts, to his body.
In the memory it was night, and Kylo was alone in his quarters when he felt a pull on him in the force. He focused on it, letting his mind travel through the base to it only to arrive at Rey’s own beside. It was last night, she could tell from the clothes she was wearing. She was crying out his name through the force and aloud, but not in pain or fear.
Rey pulled out of the memory, her cheeks beat red.
“I- uh- I’m. I can uh,” she fumbled over the words before Kylo pulled her close against him again, embracing her his chin resting on her shoulder.
“I’m still furious with you,” he said. “But I cannot deny my feelings any longer.”
He brushed her hair behind her ear, nuzzling into her neck.
“They’re eating away at me,” he whispered.
Rey pulled away and looked into his eyes, offering up a few short memories of her own for him to divulge into. They were simple moments- brief seconds in training when her eyes lingered longer than they should, watching Kylo remove his gloves, and their shared embraced that prematurely ended that day’s session.
“I miss you,” she said, her voice raw. Kylo put a hand on each side of her face and pulled her into a kiss. Rey’s hunger consumed her, all the emotions she had been trying ignore for weeks came out in a rush.
He pulled away and leaned down, picking her up with one arm under her shoulders and the other beneath her knees. He carried her over to the door of the shuttle and nudged it open with his foot. Inside were the rest of his clothes resting by the door and a large black chair. Kylo set her on her feet and pulled the door shut behind them. A few console lights were on casting the room in shades of red and blue light.
Kylo grabbed her hand and pulled her across the small space of the shuttle to the pilot’s chair. He sat down in it and pulled her down on his lap.
“There are too many eyes in the base,” he said, his face bathed in blue light. Rey nodded in agreement.
Kylo pulled her in, laying kisses on her jaw and neck. His touch felt like electricity shooting through her body and Rey was close to losing herself in it.
Then she remembered the taste of iron in her mouth, of the oppressive force of his anger the second he saw her across the yard. The split-second memory of Finn beckoning her back to the rebellion.
“I’m sorry,” she said, before leaping off the chair and out of the shuttle.
“Rey?!” his voice called after her, echoing against the large metal giants. She ignored it, dashing back towards the base.
She couldn’t do it. Not yet.
Chapter 9: Both
She sat in her room on the floor with her knees up to her chest, tears slipping down the curve of her cheeks and dripping off her jaw. There was a split inside of her, each pulling her different ways. One side reached for the darkness, for the hate and anger she kept hidden away and for the Kylo’s hands gripping her hips. The other begged for forgiveness, for light and goodness, but also for Kylo’s lips on her own.
Rey was confused and frustrated at the duality within her, at the desire that still burned in her core from his touch. She slammed her hand on the floor beside her, the pain radiating through her palm.
“Rey?” a voice said through her door. She recognized the aura behind it and she stiffened. Rey slowly stood, not trusting her hands to keep to herself. Or her thoughts for that matter. She was a complete mess and didn’t feel up to another conversation that would only make her confused and frustrated all over again. However, despite these worries she opened the door.
Kylo was back in his usual garb, only with his helmet under his arm. His face was etched with concern and Rey could feel her heart tremble within her chest.
Rey grabbed his wrist and hauled him into the small room, closing the door behind him. Kylo was very out of place in her tiny quarters. He seemed too tall and too broad for it.
Her chest heaved and her heart hummed in her ears as she took him in. He laid his helmet on the bed and reached out for her.
“Rey, are you okay?” he asked, and she immediately grabbed his hand in both of hers.
“Come with me,” she said, spitting the thought out the second it appeared in her mind.
“What? Where?” he asked.
“Anywhere,” she said, her eyes wild as they stared up into his face. “If we leave this place we can be together.”
“We can be together here,” he said, encasing her hands in his large ones. “I can’t leave.”
“There’s good in you, Kylo” she said. “You don’t have to do what they tell you too.”
He stiffened under her grasp and yanked his hands away as if she were made of flame.
“You don’t know what you’re saying,” he said, his mouth settling into a firm line and his eyes flashing a warning.
“Yes I do!” Rey raised her hand and pushed herself into Kylo’s mind, throwing around memories as if she were ransacking his room.
Ben Solo laughing as a child. Standing with his mother getting their picture taken. The feeling of belonging and elation as he stepped into Luke’s Jedi temple for the very first time. His hands on cool metal, wielding a lightsaber. Rey coming to him, asking to be taught. Pride as she fought off an assault in training. The secret feeling of relief as Finn and Poe’s commandeered ship leaves the planet’s orbit before the First Order can catch it.
“That is enough!” he said, forcing her out.
“It’s there! You’re ignoring it!” Rey said, her tears still clinging to her cheeks.
“You’re doing exactly what they said you’d do!” he said, closing his eyes and shaking his head as if he could banish the moment by not seeing it, and then began to repeat a mantra to himself. “I will not be seduced by the light. I will not be seduced by the light. I will not be-”
Rey threw herself against, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing herself to him.
“Please, come with me,” she said, his hands resting on her arms despite himself. “I want to be with you.”
Kylo calmed in her arms for a moment, relaxing under her touch.
“Please Ben, come with me,” she hadn’t meant to say that name. She had never called him that before but after seeing his memories and feeling so deep with his mind it had slipped out. His body turned ridged in her arms and rage flared hot enough to burn.
“Never call me that!” he said, shoving her off of him. Rey’s calves hit the edge of the bed in the cramped room and she tumbled onto the bed. She watched as Kylo slammed his fist into the wall, leaving a dent beside her door.
Then his eyes turned on her. The dark eyes that she could usually find safety in had nothing but venom and hatred in them now.
“You,” he hissed, leaning across the bed to leer over her. “You can stay here to learn and be with me, or you can run off to your rebel friends. You cannot have both.”
Kylo grabbed his helmet and left without another word.
Chapter 10: Go
She decided to leave in the middle of the night. Donning her tunic and pants she left her quarters for the last time and crossed the halls and empty corridors of the base to Kylo’s door.
He had been holding her lightsaber since she released Finn and Poe and since he was the one who gave the ultimatum she figured he’d play along.
She stood before the door and slammed it open with the force. She didn’t have time for pleasantries.
The rooms were dark, and she saw him step into the doorway of the bedroom, leaning on the frame.
“My lightsaber,” she said, holding her hand out.
He didn’t speak, his face hidden in the dark. He didn’t move. Rey’s boldness began to wavier.
“I would like my lightsaber, please,” she repeated herself, shifting her weight around and holding on to her courage from before.
“Why?” he was mocking her, she could hear it. Rey tried not to let it bother her.
“I’m leaving,” she said.
“No,” he still hadn’t moved, still leaned against the open doorway.
Rey’s mouth hung open for a second before she snapped it shut and retracted her hand.
“Fine. I’ll find it myself,” she said. She could feel it pulsating, calling to her like the first time she found it. Calling from… the bedroom. She took a breath and started forward. As she reached the doorway, Kylo pushed off the wall filling the threshold with his broad frame.
Up this close she noticed that he had been sleeping shirtless and had not put one on when she barged into his quarters.
“Move aside,” she said, her voice rising in pitch as her confidence ebbed away.
“You’re real confusing, you know that?” he said.
“What?” Rey looked up at him, the statement seemingly coming out of nowhere.
“You come to me, then you betray me, you say you love me, then you try to run away. I sense the duality in you as well. The swirling sense of not knowing where you belong. I used to feel it too,” he said.
Rey shifted, her stomach twisting with embarrassment. She didn’t realize she had been so easy to read.
“Please, move aside,” she said again, this time trying to squeeze herself between Kylo’s body and the wall. He blocked her path again, this time placing his hands on her arms and gently pushing her back to look down at her.
“Why is it that you could hurt me a million times and I’d always come back?” he asked, as if she knew. Rey bit her lip before bringing her gaze to his.
“I could ask you the same question.”
“I think everything else in the universe is always in flux, the future always changing the odds,” Rey actually settled into the place he put her. It wasn’t always that Kylo waxed poetic and he was making a lot of sense- thoughts that had seen out of her reach. “But that in any future, in any time or universe-”
“I’m supposed to be with you,” Rey finished. Kylo reached out, caressing her cheek. She closed her eyes and moved into his touch.
“I’m sorry,” he said, his hand falling from her cheek. “For… for everything, but especially this.”
He reached behind him and then presented her with her lightsaber. Rey stared at it for a moment before flickering back up to his eyes.
Even as she left his room, as she crossed the dark ship yard, and as she left the atmosphere she could feel him. His ever-buzzing rage hanging over him like a cloud, his desire, and his pride in her- they followed her even as she soared through the dark, coldness of space. Even as she ran, he was with her.
And she wouldn’t let that go for the whole universe.