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A Kind of Loincloth Magic

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Chapter 1: Breakthru
Castiel had never been lucky with love or sex. He had been in relationships but they always ended in boring dates, dissatisfying orgasms and ruined friendships.

Meg had been the first to his heart and to seduce him… then had proceeded to tell everyone he was bad in bed, but what 15 year old was actually good in bed? Meg's over-exaggerated three dollar hooker moans had put him off anyway and he hadn't even climaxed that first time but Castiel did learn to be more guarded with his emotions.

However disappointing his first time was, the memory of it had been enough to fuel his teenage brain into semi-satisfying orgasms when he had a spare moment and some Vaseline handy.

Next came Daphne, who had gone out of her way to get Castiel's attention all through high school but when he had given in their senior year he found her to be quite boring and obviously only dating him because of his prestigious Novak name.

Although he had found Daphne attractive (he found her green eyes to be quite alluring) their relationship was mundane and sex with her had been at best - adequate.

Whenever he would try to stray from the usual missionary - she would glare at him as if he was some sort of pervert. He once spent a little longer than normal cupping her ass, only to have her call him a deviant. He hadn’t let himself feel anything too deep for her so it was no huge loss when at the end of their senior year Daphne had dumped him, stating his ‘promiscuity’ as the reason, after he had gotten drunk and dared to ask her for a blow job.

He dated a couple more women much like Daphne in his first year of college, disappointed by the lack of imagination they all seemed to have agreed on when it came to fun and sex.

None of them came even close to making him feel anything for them. He wasn’t cold hearted, and he did genuinely want to experience falling in love or even just be in a relationship where he could feel comfortable enough to be himself.

Women seemed to find him attractive enough but Castiel wanted someone adventurous and curious.

It had been a far cry from his brother Gabriel’s college experience which seemed to entail every type of legal fornication plus a few that were borderline if his brother’s excited rantings were to be believed.

His next sexual experience had been at a college party where he had gotten ridiculously drunk and found himself the recipient of a sloppy drunk blow job being administered by an overly enthusiastic guy he vaguely recognized from one of his business classes. It should have felt weird and wrong to have a male so intimately engulfing his cock but it was the first time Castiel had felt a strong orgasm outside the ministrations of his own hand.

He entertained the idea of perhaps pursuing men but found there was no man he was particularly attracted to. Even the blow job guy - in the light of sober day - held no appeal. Castiel put the experience down as a clear indicator that he needed to start dating less prudish women.

His last girlfriend had been more or less forced onto him by their respective families. Hannah Chester was a Teaching Assistant at their Business School and had started off being as conservative as the others, much to Castiel’s disappointment, but had at least been curious enough to try new things when it came to food, music and movies.

Their sex life was more mechanical than intimate but Castiel, by that point, had resigned himself to the idea that love wasn't real, the best orgasms came from his hand (or unexpected homosexual blow jobs apparently) and that his relationship with Hannah would do as well as any other if he focused on his studies and prepared himself to run his father’s business.

A year into their relationship, Hannah left Castiel for a female student in one of her classes and Hannah’s family had accused Castiel of corrupting their daughter.

Needless to say, the Novaks did not receive a Christmas card from the Chesters that year.

"You know there was always something strange about that Hannah girl. Jaw too square, hands too rough." Castiel's mother took a deep drink from her wine glass as she swayed a bit despite comfortably sitting on an expensive leather armchair.

"And that grey lesbian suit jacket should have been a dead give away," added Gabriel as he poked and prodded the Christmas presents.

"Gabriel, get away from those!" their mother snapped, a little bit of wine sloshing on her pristine knee length skirt. "But it is rather rude of the Chesters to blame Castiel for their daughter’s deviancy - if anything WE should be the ones alienating THEM from parties."
She pursed her lips and made a small tut sound before taking another deep swig of wine.

"Aw, are the rich old coots not inviting you guys to their boring ass snobby hootenannys?" sing songed Gabriel.

"Honestly Gabriel, with the the way you talk - people probably think you were raised by wolves and sent to public school," their mother tutted again and slowly blinked while swirling the wine glass in her hand.

Gabriel rolled his eyes and continued terrorising the presents.

Castiel was just happy that they had ceased discussing his private life and he could continue browsing through endless dating profiles on his phone. He had taken part in four one night stands since Hannah, which, although debaucherously thrilling, still left him feeling dissatisfied in mind, body and soul.

The house phone rang and their mother shakily stood up to answer it.

As soon as she was out of earshot Castiel felt Gabriel slink uncomfortably close, no doubt to peer over at Castiel’s phone.

Before Castiel could tap out of the dating app, Gabriel looked up at him with a lecherous grin. "So baby bro, decided to play the desperate skank field before trying the ol' ball and chain gig again?"

"Not that it's any of your business but . . . well. . . yes," Castiel shrugged.

Gabriel straightened up and stretched. "Careful with that slope - those dating app skanks are kinky as fuck."

Castiel was definitely aware - his first encounter had been with a seemingly normal girl named April who turned out to be into extreme, dubiously consented bondage with a hint of blood kink.

Castiel wanted adventurous but April seemed a little too peppermint for his curiosities. "You've tried the app before?" he asked his older brother.

"Not that particular one but I've tried a few in my time, especially before Kali and let me tell you - I count myself as a pretty sexually adventurous guy but even I was scared off by some of those crazy chicks." Gabriel scratched his stomach through his blindingly loud shirt that Castiel knew was only worn to rile their mother up.

"I haven't had any truly horrible experiences as yet," Castiel said. Which was true, even with April, who'd called him vanilla for not wanting to try her messed up kinks, a first for Castiel.

Gabriel had poured himself some expensive scotch from the cabinet they weren't supposed to take drinks from. "Oh? So you've actually met with some already?"

"Yes, four actually," Castiel said, while safely stowing his phone in his jacket.

"Haha Cas! You dog!" Gabriel sat in front of Castiel with crossed legs and a straight back. "Well, how were they?"

Castiel rolled his eyes at his brother and crossed his arms. "Gabriel, I'm not going to go into detail about my sex life with you."

"Ok fine, just give me a run down, then. Yes or no answers only," Gabriel suggested excitedly.

That sounded . . . reasonable. "Um . . .ok"

"Did they give you head?"

"Gabe," Castiel pinched the bridge of his nose suddenly feeling very tired.

"C'mon - yes or no?"

Castiel sighed. "Yes"

"Did they swallow?" Gabriel asked with a suggestive eyebrow.

"Um. . . no." Castiel had to think about that one because there had only been one blow job worth remembering in his life and none of those girls had provided it.

"Did they want to do any crazy stuff?"

Abort, abort, Gabriel could NOT know about April. "No. . . "

"Ok, I don't believe THAT for a second, but I'll let it go for now . . .hmmm." Gabriel leaned back on his elbows with the tumbler of scotch next to him. "Did you go in the back door?"

"Yes with one of them," Castiel answered without realising and instantly felt a blush take over his face.

"Haha awesome. . . did you let them do butt stuff to you?"
Gabriel raised the more lecherous eyebrow of the two.

"No! Of course not!" One of them had suggested butt stuff and although Castiel had been slightly curious about prostate orgasms for a while - a one night stand didn't seem like the right time to explore that.
"Ok ok." Gabriel held his arms up in mock surrender. "Were any of them squirters?"

"Um, I don't think so."

Gabriel's smile faded as he picked up his tumbler of scotch.

"Well this was less fun than I thought it would be. Um. . . Was your relationship with Hannah a front for her lesbianity?"

"Wait. . . That wasn't a part of -"

"Yes or no, Cas?"

Castiel folded his arms over his chest again, much like a petulant child. "Lesbianity is not a word and no, it was a real relationship as far as I was concerned."

Gabriel's brows creased in displeasure. "Did you know she ate carpet while you were dating?"

"No." And he didn’t – he had no idea. Castiel thought they had been pretty open with each other about most things and if he was hurt by anything about their break up it was more that Hannah hadn’t trusted him enough to tell him of her preferences.

Gabriel looked down at his scotch and hesitated before asking "Did you. . . love her?"

". . . No." He didn't.

If he were to describe their relationship it would have been closer to a friendship . . . with obligatory relationship sex thrown in to keep up the charade.

Gabriel genuinely smiled at Castiel. "Well I guess I'll have to cancel the flaming poop I had planned to send her then."

"What?!"

"Haha nothing. Hey, so I got you a special present that mother can't see. . ." Gabriel gracefully popped up into a standing position despite being on his fifth scotch of the night.

"Um ok?" Castiel had always been cautious of Gabriel’s “gifts” since that time he had managed to rig a blow up doll to inflate when Castiel pulled the bow of a gift box.

Gabriel took out an envelope from the back pocket of his pants and handed it over to his younger brother.
Castiel opened it to find a cruise ship ticket but not to the fancy 'networking' ones his parents were always trying to push him into going on. Instead, it was one of those bawdy singles mixers he's heard his friend Balthazar talk about where everyone is drunk the whole time and having sex everyday with strangers.

Castiel was confused by the gift, sure, he spent an obscene amount of time thinking about sex but apart from the candid conversation he had just had with Gabriel, the general consensus was that Castiel was as vanilla as they came.
"Gabe, I Uh-"

"No need to thank me - I feel it my duty to school my little brother on the finer craft of banging skanks . . . Even though you finally seem to be doing a good job of that yourself," he added with a wink towards Castiel.

"I can't justify a week off work plus, mother would find out and that's just all kinds of embarrassing." Even as he provided excuses of why he shouldn't go, Castiel’s interest was definitely piqued.

Gabriel's expression turned into something that Castiel could only describe as 'scheming.' "Hmm I'm not hearing a no . . .which is more than what I thought I'd have to work with."
Gabriel sat down in the armchair their mother had been occupying. "Well, taking the week off is actually the easiest part of this considering you're the boss there and mother and dad - well, we'll just tell them the same thing I told them when I went on the cruise."

Castiel felt his face crinkle in concentration trying to remember when Gabriel was absent for a week but could only think of that time he broke his leg while on a skiing weekend and had to stay because he couldn't travel. . . wait.

"Ah there it is, and no I didn't break my leg - but I did spend the week in bed." Gabriel waggled his brows at Castiel as he poured himself another drink.
Castiel looked down at the ticket in his hand, maybe he could go on the cruise, have a week of kinky sex and get it out of his system. Then. . . then what? Marry a boring woman his family approved of and father a couple of kids into a loveless lacklustre marriage? Depressing didn’t even begin to cover that outcome.

"What's wrong?" Gabriel's voice cut through Castiel’s sudden melancholy.

"Nothing, thank you Gabriel, I'll think about it." He offered his brother a grateful smile and folded the envelope into his jacket pocket along with his phone.

A shrill voice sounded from the other room. "Fine Roger, if you don't want to spend Christimas eve with your family. Fine. . . . I'm fine. . . No, I'm not angry, I'm just tired . . . Hmmhm. . . Ok goodbye husband." Their mother appeared in the doorway. "Your father is fucking his secretary this Christmas eve but will be gracing us with his cheating presence tomorrow for lunch."

Castiel winced - not at the language or even the subject, but because their mother's attitude meant that she was very drunk and close to that scary point where she started crying and talking about men that wanted to marry her before she had chosen their father.

"Mother, with a mouth like that people might think you went to public school and were raised by-"

"Gabriel please, I have too much of a headache to deal with your so called wit." She held her temples and scrunched up her face.

As a fellow veteran of their mother's drunken moods, Gabriel sighed and was by her side in a few strides and cooing sweet words, encouraging her to go to bed.

She didn't put up much of a fight but before she let Gabriel help her up the stairs she turned around to face Castiel. "Castiel, one of your father's business partners is coming to Christmas lunch and he's bringing his family along. He has a daughter named Tessa who I think you should speak to. She's very bright and has expressed an interest in meeting you," his mother sniffed nonchalantly.

"She reminds me of myself at that age, determined and beautiful with so much promise," she said almost wistfully.

Gabriel rolled his eyes and gently guided her elbows towards the staircase. "Alright drunky, time for bed."

"Gabriel!" their mother snapped.
Castiel could hear the echo of Gabriel's giggles up the stairs. Great, he thought, he now had to deal with yet another 'family approved' set up. He knew if he really didn't like the girl nobody could technically force him to date her. But he would have to put up with his mother calling him everyday telling him how he was wasting his life, and how their brother Luke had been set up with his wife Lilith, and they couldn't be happier and the only way he would be happy too was if he started a family of his own. Which of course was a big fat hairy lie, made glaringly obvious by what had transpired between his parent just moments ago.

Suddenly the cruise didn't sound like something he should be making excuses for. What if there was a girl on the cruise that also came from an affluent family but was looking for a last hoorah before she settled down with some boring preppy guy that was going to cheat on her with his secretaries?

Castiel slumped back into his armchair with a sigh. He was obviously overthinking the situation.

Gabriel came down the stairs smelling distantly of potpourri. "Drunky had a bit of a barf but then went to sleep, she'll be fine for lunch tomorrow."

Castiel scrunched his nose up and rubbed his face suddenly feeling exhausted again.

"Hey Glummy, have a drink, it'll be fine. I've heard Tessa is pretty hot." Gabriel downed what was left of their mother’s wine in one obnoxious gulp.

Castiel felt a ripple of annoyance. "Ugh she could be the most beautiful woman in the world and it wouldn't matter if she’s as boring as dishwater."

Gabriel looked over at him with surprised eyes and then burst out laughing. After his amusement had trickled into small giggles he finally said "Maybe you could find someone like my Kali? Y'know long distance, see each other once a month to fuck like bunnies and then get to tell our respective families that we're in a relationship."

"I think you lucked out there," Castiel tried to say with as little sarcasm as he could muster. Kali was actually terrifying, he hated to think what sex with her must be like. That being said, she had always been kind to him despite their first meeting consisting of Luke introducing Castiel as ‘their repressed little brother’.

In a rush of impulse Castiel finally made a decision. "Gabe. . . I'm going on the cruise."

Gabriel turned around again and walked up to Castiel with a grin on his face. "Atta boy!" Gabriel smacked him on the shoulder. "Get ready to see more pussy and wang than you'll ever see again."
"Gabriel, ew." Castiel scrunched his nose up again but the more he thought about it. . . it didn't actually sound so bad.

Chapter Text

Christmas lunch had been extravagant but ultimately dull. Tessa was attractive enough, and if the way she kept calling attention to her breasts was anything to go by, Castiel thought that she would, at the very least, be confident in bed.

But she was quite vacuous, plus he saw her unsubtly flirting with everyone, even Castiel's father, which had been very off putting.

His mother had been too drunk to notice however, and sang Tessa's praises even after Tessa's family had left. After the fifteenth time his mother had said what a wonderful wife and mother Tessa would make, Castiel had to bite his tongue to not blurt out that he had seen his dad and Tessa walking out of one of the guest rooms at one point looking dishevelled and flustered. Tessa had winked at him when she noticed him.

His father had always been distant with Castiel and Gabriel but seemed to praise Luke like he was the second coming. His father was so cold that their mother’s purse lipped passive aggressiveness seemed almost loving in comparison.

As distant as he was with his father, there was NO WAY he would take sloppy seconds from the man. Gabriel had agreed when Castiel had told him what he saw and if anything they both saw it as a sign that Castiel should go in the cruise.

A month of dodging his mother's calls later and Castiel found himself boarding the MS Bijou with approximately fifteen hundred other eager passengers (read : horny harlots and man whores).

Even at check in Castiel could feel eyes on him and the smell of hormones thick in the air. Everyone was definitely under no false pretences as to why they were there, especially since every passenger had taken STD tests to be allowed in. Castiel had never taken a normal cruise before but he was pretty sure that wasn't a standard cruise prerequisite.

After checking in and dropping off his bags in his deluxe room (he would have to thank Gabriel for not throwing him into the deep end and booking a shared room with a stranger) he headed down to the ballroom for an introduction mixer.

If he had thought the hormones were thick before, the ballroom smelled like people had already started having sex in there. He suddenly felt itchy and in dire need of a bath but he pushed on, realising it was probably just nerves and determined to at least talk to someone.

The first person he spoke to was an overly excited blonde girl named Becky. Castiel hadn't been particularly attracted to her but she seemed extremely nervous if her wavering high pitched voice was anything to go by.

After an obnoxiously pink drink she seemed less nervous and was excitedly talking about a TV show Castiel had never watched. He was trying to find a moment in the conversation to move on when a small jittery shaggy man sat with them. He was obviously interested in Becky which, though technically a good thing because it meant Castiel was off the hook, he couldn't help but make Castiel feel a little territorial.

He chose to leave them when they both started enthusiastically talking about Becky's favourite show and leaning towards each other in a suggestive manner.

The second person Castiel met was a pretty and peppy red head who had spilled her drink on him while at the bar. Castiel took a chance and introduced himself, she said her name was Charlie and that she was on the cruise to do an exposé on how seedy those cruises could be and ‘to get some hands on experience’ in the meantime.

Castiel liked her, they talked about movies and music while they drank their non pink drinks.
However, the potential for anything to happen between them was quickly extinguished when Castiel noticed they were both checking out the same brunette from across the room. Castiel reasoned that she could have been bisexual but then again he didn’t feel any pull significant pull to ravage her or whatever he was supposed to feel.

They instead made plans to have breakfast in the morning to discuss if either of them had gotten lucky and Castiel felt good in knowing that even if the cruise was a bust, he had at least made a new friend.

A few more drinks later, including one from an attractive brunette man at the end of the bar, Castiel was crossing the ballroom floor to the bathrooms when he felt a strong hand grab him by the wrist.

"Castiel, I thought that was you," came a smarmy voice through the din.

"Hello Bartholomew. . . " Castiel tried to sound as casual as possible considering he had a few drinks in him and despite the rising bile that someone as untrustworthy as Bartholomew would know about Castiel's private activities.

Bartholomew had been temporarily put in charge of one of Castiel's father’s companies until Castiel had graduated from business school. When Bartholomew had ‘graciously’ stepped down, he began telling anyone that would listen about the nepotism that had caused his demotion and that Castiel would run the business to the ground.

Castiel, however, had exceeded everyone's expectations and almost doubled the company's profit margins in less than a year. Bartholomew still kept talking smack behind his back but no one really believed him anymore.

"Come now, Cas, we're all friends here, call me Bart." Bartholomew's face split in half with the same sleazy smile that had apparently gained him access to most, if not all, of the secretaries at work. "I had no idea you were into this . . . shall we say scene?" another panty dropping smile.

Castiel suddenly felt extremely claustrophobic, abruptly aware that he was drunker than he realised on a ship . . . and was that Bartholomew’s hand on his ass?

Castiel snapped his eyes to look at Bartholemow but before he could say anything Bartholomew had slid his other hand behind Castiel's neck and pulled him in for a very determined kiss.

It wasn't exactly a pleasant kiss, too much suction and too much aggression to be comfortable. But this was what Castiel was on the cruise for, wasn't it? To explore all those things at the back of his mind he had only skimmed the surface of when he masturbated?

He wasn't particularly attracted to Bartholomew; the man had a weaselly, scrunched up quality to him that reminded Castiel of his rickety old social studies teacher from grade school. And wasn't that a massive turn off?

Still, his body seemed to be begrudgingly responding to the attention even though a distant part of his mind was screaming things like "eeeeeeeewwww Bartholomew? Really?" And "how did he even pass the STD test?".

Then the kiss ended and Bartholomew was whispering in his ear about going outside for some privacy.

Castiel was vaguely aware of holding on to Bartholomew as they walked and a burst of fresh sea air engulfing him, for some reason he felt really tired and could barely keep his eyes open all of a sudden.

Something was definitely wrong, he could feel Bartholomew touching him and kissing his neck but Castiel wasn't turned on, but wasn't fending him off either. He felt nothing except the sharp sea air ruffling his hair and something metallic at his back, possibly the ship fencing.

Through the strange fog clouding Castiel's brain he felt Bartholomew's hands all over his body but it was a strange sensation like when a body part falls asleep but just before the blood rushes back in and feels like pins and needles.

The part of Castiel's brain that had been warning him about Bartholomew previously was now saying something about one of his drinks tasting strange. . . The one the stranger across the bar had sent him maybe? But the thought was lost as soon as it came as he heard Bartholomew say something that sounded like a 'goodbye' and then Castiel was falling. For a second he thought he might be falling to the floor or into a bed but the fall felt like it went for an incredibly long time.

When his body finally hit something, it definitely wasn't solid - and for the longest of times Castiel found he couldn't discern which way was up. He was all at once very aware of the burning sensation in his torso every time he took a breath.... and then darkness.

Consciousness trickled in and out of the darkness, a fight to grab onto something solid, the night sky, feeling extremely cold and then hours later feeling like his body was being slowly roasted, being tossed around while lying on something that felt wooden and flat? More darkness.

Memories and nightmares mixing into one and feeling everything as if he was trapped in a glass bottle.

Castiel hardly even felt human by the time hands pulled him onto solid ground - he'd almost forgotten what that felt like. A wave of nausea swept through his stomach but besides a couple of feeble attempts at convulsing his body was pretty unresponsive. Even opening his eyes felt like it would take Herculean strength.

Another age passed before he could open his eyes but he could hear muttering in the distance and soothing hands occasionally touching his forehead and wrists.

Then, in a burst of sensation, his body started to respond and the first thing Castiel managed to focus on through the darkness were two very green eyes staring back at him.

Chapter Text

Castiel's body felt like lead but feeling solid grainy ground beneath him was oddly comforting after being tossed about for an indeterminate amount of time.

Faraway, Castiel heard a deep rich voice "Hey Guy, Are you alive?"

A flash of vibrant green eyes seeped into Castiel's consciousness and he thought of Daphne. He thought of their time together and that maybe she was right and there really was something abnormal and 'deviant' about him and maybe he should have been satisfied with what they had.

Castiel promised himself that if he got out of whatever mess he was in, he would get in contact with Daphne and ask her to marry him...and be ok with boring missionary sex every Sunday morning... and pretend to enjoy the mundane social gatherings she loved to organise...and put up with her almost aggressively religious family...

Hmmm, he started to remember all the reasons why they weren't compatible... But my god, those eyes! Those beautiful shimmering green eyes...

Granted, he didn't remember being so infatuated with them when they were together but right now as those eyes invaded his mind,they were perfect and went perfectly with the light dusting of freckles over the bridge of her nose and on the top of her cheekbones... Wait...did Daphne have freckles? And since when did he wax poetic about her looks?

"Daphne?" He knew he had spoken but the voice that came out was croaky and dry and sounded as if he was talking through a plastic tube.

The green eyes in the forefront of Castiel's mind became more vibrant until he realised he was actually staring at a non-Daphne owned face.

The extremely aesthetically pleasing face of the young man in front of him said, "Sorry Guy, no Daphne here, but if it's any consolation you're not like . . . dead or anything."

Not being dead was definitely a boon.

"W-whe. . w-where am I?" Castiel managed to croak out.

"Um, that's kind of a long story. How about we get you off this beach and under cover first?" said the rough voice.

Castiel’s eyesight was definitely improving every second because he could now see the attractive man’s face properly and if he turned his head slightly he could see the ever expanding ocean... which looked terrifying underneath what he realised was the night sky.

A wave started to roll in and Castiel felt a sudden panic curl in his gut from half forgotten memories of drowning and liquid darkness.

Without realising, Castiel had sat up but suddenly felt his head pounding and his surroundings began to spin.

"Woah there, I think you hit your head at some point so you're going to have to take it easy. If you grab onto my shoulder I can hold you up and we can walk to my hut," said Attractive face..

Castiel slowly looked up at the attractive guy - his face was so open and... innocent?

Attractive Guy continued talking. "The nights are really hot and sticky but they do change to cold beyond all reason at the blink of an eye so it's best if we get you to a fire to dry you out soon."

Castiel blinked and tried to process the information that Attractive Naked Guy was giving him...wait... naked?

Castiel slowly let his eyes drift down the broad naked torso that was somehow glistening in the moonlight and then his eyes drifted lower but couldn't really see anything through the dark shadows caused by the man crouching.

"Can you get up?" Attractive Possibly Naked Guy asked in a rough manly voice that seemed a bit odd considering his delicate feminine lips.

Castiel looked away to stop himself squinting at Attractive Possibly Naked Guy's crotch. His eyes, however, drifted to the ocean again and he had to close them against the returning panic threatening its presence.

Castiel kept his eyes closed and controlled his breathing and after a minute or two of composing himself he breathed out, "y-yeah I think I can stand."

Attractive Possibly Naked Guy's face softened from its worried expression and he immediately slipped one of his strong arms under Castiel's and began to lift him up with surprising strength.

Not that Attractive Hopefully Naked Guy didn't look strong because he did, but Castiel was 6 foot and had a lot of muscle from years of running track and subsequent morning runs.

Castiel felt himself being pulled up and half dragged across the dark sand, mainly because his legs felt so heavy with every step he tried to take. His shirt was riding up and he could feel some sort of fabric at Attractive Guy's hip which meant he was probably not naked.

After more or less dragging Castiel for a few feet, Unfortunately Not Naked Guy stopped to take a breath. "You're heavier than you look," he panted.

Castiel felt himself blush and duck his head a bit. Not Naked Guy's eyes widened and he spluttered a bit. "I'm not saying you're fat! You're not, I just meant you're... like a full grown man and I'm not... um... Well maybe if we take your wet clothes off, you won't weigh as much?" Again with the innocent face.

Castiel raised an eyebrow at Not Naked Guy - was this guy for real? He felt like he was in a cheesy romance novel (which he totally didn't read in his spare time). "You...want me to take my clothes off?"

Not Naked But Very Attractive Guy nodded and then looked away shyly. "You can leave the clothes here and I'll come back for them - trust me, wet clothes weigh a lot."
Castiel thought about it and he did feel weighed down by what was left of his threepiece suit. Feeling steadier on his feet, he slowly disentangled his arm from Not Naked Guy's shoulder and slowly peeled his clothes off.

Ridiculously Attractive Guy kept his eyes determinedly looking down at his feet, which Castiel found quite endearing. Taking his clothes off proved to be harder than expected in the dark, with fatigue and probable dehydration, but he managed to drop his shirt and jacket to the sand. He thought he heard Sexy Not Naked Guy intake a breath but when he looked up the broad torso'd man was just standing there looking out to the ocean.

Castiel unbuckled his belt and dropped his pants. He bent over to take his shoes off only to find that one was missing. For some reason, this seemed like the funniest thing in the world all of a sudden and Castiel began to giggle. He giggled so much that his legs got tangled in his pants and he fell backwards in the sand in a fit of laughter.

He must be going insane, this whole thing was ridiculous. He knew Bartholomew hated him but pushing him off a ship that Castiel had been on with the intention to have kinky sex with strangers? It was too much, Castiel felt his stomach starting to hurt from the rolling laughter that he couldn't stop and he couldn't see from the laughter tears.

He was breathless and impossibly tired by the time the laughter morphed to giggles and then eventually sporadic chuckles. When he was finally able to open his eyes he was met with a very worried looking Kinda Naked Attractive Guy.

Castiel could feel his giggles threatening to return at the mere thought of the Adonis in front of him. If there was any indicator this was all some crazy impending sex dream it was the strapping almost naked man with the hypnotising green eyes. Castiel had a weird thought about maybe this whole thing being part of the cruise experience. Like what if he was still on the cruise in some sort of sensory deprivation pod and this was all a hallucination?

While his mind took him to crazy sci fi scenarios, he hadn't realised that Attractive Half Naked Guy had been removing his single shoe (giggle) and carefully removed his feet from the tangle of pants.

While trying to stifle another hysterical fit, Castiel heard Attractive Guy softly snort, in what seemed like amusement, as he lifted Castiel and wrapped his strong arm around Castiel’s waist again. And oh did that feel nice... Castiel felt absolutely giddy having skin on skin contact and he couldn't help wrapping his arms around Extremely Firm Half Naked Guy's neck.

Exhaustion rolled through Castiel like molasses and he was being dragged across the sand again. Manly Smelling Firm Guy huffed in amusement again and bent over to pick Castiel up bridal style.

Castiel wanted to object that he was a manly man and shouldn't be carried like that but mostly he just enjoyed the skin contact and mildly sweaty stickiness that their bodies produced.

Somewhere in the distance he heard himself tell Sweaty Half Naked Guy that he smelled nice. Which got him a stuttered, "Um... Thanks... You also... Um... Thanks."

Castiel must have passed out after that because the next thing he was aware of was being carefully placed on a slightly itchy but comfortable surface. He managed to open his eyes and saw Even Attractive From The Back Guy crouching over something and mumbling to himself.

Suddenly Castiel was obscenely thirsty, his throat felt like sandpaper and he was sure that any second he would turn to dust. His first instinct was to call out to Attractive Half Naked Guy but considering he didn't know his name, he stopped himself before he could call out any of the descriptive titles his brain had been supplying. Castiel finally decided on the most cliché but most effective thing to say. "W-water."

Still Ridiculously Attractive And Still Half Naked Guy's eyes snapped to look toward Castiel and a soft smile played on his lips. "You're awake!"
"W-water please," because, yes, he felt like he was dying but manners were still ridiculously ingrained in his psyche apparently.

"Oh yeah, right, I have some for you here." Attractive Half Naked Guy held up a pitcher that looked a hell of lot like those old pitcher and basin baths that you find in old timey bed and breakfast places - the ones that Gabriel colourfully called ball washers.

Castiel looked at the impossibly beautiful man uncertainly but he couldn't find a speck of malice on his perfectly proportioned face...And to be honest he probably would have drunk deeply from Satan’s toilet bowl at that point if his dire thirst was anything to go by.

Castiel's arms still felt ridiculously heavy despite not being drenched in sea water anymore so it was lucky that Attractive Half Naked Guy practically poured the pure tasting water into Castiel's mouth.

After the pitcher was almost empty, Castiel leaned back on the itchy but soft surface he was lying on and closed his eyes, having depleted his energy on the drinking. Despite having his eyes closed, he could still feel Attractive Half Naked Guy hadn't moved from his side. As Castiel opened one of his eyes, Attractive Half Naked Guy mumbled, "Dean."

"Sorry?" Castiel asked confusedly because he heard "bean" and suddenly he was starving.

"Dean, my name... It's Dean. You, um, kept calling me Half Naked Guy when you were sleeping... It's Dean," he said shyly.

"Oh." Castiel felt himself blush and wondered if he had said anything else in his semi-conscious state. Half Nak ...Dean was looking at him expectantly with one eyebrow raised and Castiel realised he was waiting for him to supply his own name.

For a split second he thought about giving Dean the fake name he was going to give people on the cruise,Dimitri. "I'm Castiel." He held out his hand and although Dean shook his hand the young half naked man had a confused look in his face.Castiel felt himself frown. "I-is something wrong?"

Half Naked Dean somewhat schooled his features. "Yeah, well no, I just... " The young green-eyed man sighed deeply "When I imagined someone else getting stranded with me I always pictured a girl... Or at least someone with a normal name."

Castiel didn't know whether he should laugh or be offended. He settled on releasing Dean's hand which for some reason he had still been shaking.

Dean looked down at their hands and looked at his own as if it had been burnt. Castiel felt a sour feeling in his gut and yup - offended. "Well I'm sorry I'm so disappointing."

Dean's eyes widened. "No, I didn't..."

"It's fine. I need to rest. When I'm better, I'll start working on a plan to get out of your hair." Castiel knew he sounded like a pouting child but he didn't care. He'd just been through a traumatic experience. His bad mood had nothing to do with his ego being bruised. Nope. Not. At. All. He lay back and then deliberately faced away from Dean.

Castiel heard a sigh from Dean. "I'm glad you're alive Cast... Castee... Cas."
It wasn't much but the sentiment at least helped Castiel relax and eventually fall into darkness and green-eyed filled dreams.

Chapter Text

“Mom, dad, Kali and I are no longer together...” No, that sounded too formal and they'd instantly know something else was going on. “Mother, Dad figure – Kali and I aren't banging anymore.” Yeah, that sounded more his style… Queue mother screeching about his vocabulary and dad running down figures of investments he might miss out on in not marrying one of his sons to the Shavrankah family...

Gabriel paced back and forth on the ample porch of their family home and wondered how his baby brother was doing. He didn't like to think of specifics but he did hope Castiel was getting his dick wet... or his ass... It had been nearly 2 weeks so he was hoping his baby bro had gotten at least SOME action.

Gabriel had gotten Castiel drunk one night with the intention of wringing out some deep dark secret that he could use as blackmail later on but what he had gotten out of Castiel instead was that his younger brother had received a mind blowing blow job at some point, courtesy of some dude from business school and that apparently it had opened his mind to the possibility that humans are extremely stupid to close themselves off to half the population from the get go.

Although Gabriel was surprised that his normally straight laced baby brother had a more open minded side to him, he hadn't used it as blackmail. Instead he had bought cruise ship tickets for his baby bro to get his rocks off because after all, the reason he needed blackmail fodder was to have someone on his side when he told his parents that he had broken up with Kali over three months ago and was on the cusp of dating a man.

He had played his grand coming out over and over again in his head with his mom exclaiming "Oh Gabriel" in her most disapproving voice and her lips pursed to butthole proportions. And his father lifting his head up from between the legs of the current slutty rich girl he was banging to raise a disinterested brow in Gabriel's direction.

Gabriel had been thinking about the possible scenarios for long enough that he had apparently been standing outside his family home just staring at the door. He was snapped back into reality by a sharp slap to his face, he grabbed his cheek and turned to see his mother in the doorway breathing heavily and with tears streaking down her makeup smeared cheeks.

“Didn’t you hear what I just said Gabriel??!!” His mother had her shrill 1950s ageing starlet voice on but even at her drunkest and shrillest she had never actually hit any of them before.

“Mother! What the hell?!” Gabriel's hand instinctively went to his stung cheek.

“This is no time to daydream! Your brother committed suicide!” His mother squealed dramatically.

Gabe’s vision narrowed to a single pearl on his mother’s neck because what she had said didn’t really compute in his brain. “Luke?” he asked weakly.

“Castiel,” she said softly before letting out a wet sob that seemed to originate from her throat.

Gabriel focused on that one pearl again... that can’t be right. Cassie is... yeah he’s a little weird but never... Gabriel looked at his mother and grabbed her by her arms trying very hard to not shake her. “What happened?!”

His mother sniffed and started pulling him into the house. “Not out here Gabriel. The neighbours will see,” she wheezed out between sobs.

“ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?” Gabriel harshly shrugged off his mother’s arm that was pulling him into the house.

“Hush, Gabriel. Our tragedy doesn’t need to be the neighbours gossip,” his mother practically hissed at him.

“That’s no way to speak to your grieving mother, Gabriel,” came an unfamiliar voice from the Novak living room.

“Mrs. Novak, can I get you a glass of water?” An expensively dressed weasley looking guy reached out an arm to guide Gabriel's mother to the living room.

“Who’s this asshole?! What the FUCK is going on? Can you all stop being crazy for a second and tell me where the hell Cas is?” Gabriel was a breath away from absolutely losing his shit unless someone started explaining things right the fuck now.

“He’s dead.” The slicked hair stranger said. Gabriel could have sworn he saw a slight twitch of the man’s lips as he ever so casually proclaimed Gabriel's favourite brother to be dead.

A series of violent sobs wracked through his mother as the slick stranger pulled her in for a half hug but Gabriel didn’t really care at that point. “How? And who the hell are you?!”

“Bartholomew May,” the snide stranger said with predatory grin as he extended his hand for Gabriel to shake.

Gabriel just stared at his hand. “Are you from the cruise company?” is all he could manage.

Bartholomew raised an eyebrow. “You knew where Castiel was?”

His mother’s eyes snapped up “Oh Gabriel! How could you let your brother go on one of those uncouth cruises?! Was it one of your so called pranks?” she said in between dainty swipes of her running nose.

“What? No!” Gabriel heard himself splutter. “What happened?” he asked softly, feeling his shoulders slump.

“I’m so sorry, he jumped off the cruise the first night.” Bartholomew looked down at the wet patch Gabriel's mother had left on his expensive suit and made a disgusted face before adding “I tried to stop him.”

Bartholomew turned to Gabriel’s mother and gave her the grossest fake sad face Gabriel had ever seen. “I really tried to talk him down but he was so distraught after giving into his homosexual desires that he wouldn’t hear any of it.”

Gabriel's mother nodded demurely as she pat dried her nose.

“Mother! You aren’t buying any of this are you?” How could anyone accept the words of this smarmy ass guy?!” Gabriel heard the hysterical tone his voice had taken but all this information was just not adding up.

“Oh, Castiel has always been a troubled child, Gabriel!” squawked his mother.

“Troubled? Well, maybe a little socially awkward but never depressed or manic...“ WAS Castiel depressed? Gabriel felt a new wave of panic roll within him at the thought that he hadn't known his little brother felt suicidal. “So wait, you ARE from the cruise company?!”

Before the smarmy bastard could respond his mother cut in. “Bart works for your father. He knew Castiel well; they were colleagues.”

Despite his previous thought, his mother’s comment made his blood boil. “Ok, I’m going to need you to stop using the past tense. And you – why are we supposed to believe this story without any evidence?”

The smarmy guy... what did he say his name was? Barf? “The cruise management can confirm what happened,” Barf said condescendingly.

Gabriel narrowed his eyes at Barf. “So there were other people there when this supposedly happened?”

Barf sniffed and wiped at the tear stains on his jacket distractedly. “It was just me.”

“Well then why are we supposed to eat up what you’re selling?”

“Gabriel, don’t make this harder than it already is,” his mother snapped.

Gabriel held eye contact with Barf even though the man had at least a foot on him. “This isn’t over; I’m going to get to the bottom of this, Barf.”

Barf grimaced. “It's Bartho-“

“What is the big emergency that could not wait until the end of the business day?” His father waltzed in looking like he was already bored with the conversation despite having only just arrived.

Gabriel stood there while Barf related the supposed demise of his middle child and all his father said was “That’s unfortunate.”

Gabriel looked up at his father trying to gauge the man’s feelings for once but instead of looking distraught - his father looked nervous.

Gabriel stared at his father some more as the conversation continued unsure why it was so unnerving to not only see his father emote but to have such a bizarre response to the situation.

Gabriel loved both his parents but he could barely stand to be around them most of the time, at least not without Cas around... Cas... Gabriel shook out any sort of emotions that were pulling at him to cry. “I’m going to find out what happened here!” He pushed past his father and ran onto the street and got into his stupidly expensive car.

He was speeding down the quiet suburban streets without any specific destination until he remembered what he had been thinking about before his mother had opened the door. He grappled for his phone in his pants pocket, connected to the car Bluetooth and dialed.

“Kali Bulsara.” Kali had taken her mother’s last name to get away from the elitism that her father’s name implied but she always spoke with confidence and a little aggression.

“Kali-“

“You have a lot of nerve calling here,” came the rather intimidating voice through the phone.

“I know, I’m sorry... it’s Cas... he’s... missing.” Right to the point was Gabriel's best bet.

There was a long silence on the other end but finally a sigh. “What can I do?”

“Thanks, Kal.” Gabriel blew out a relieved sigh.

“I’m not helping for you. Cas was always sweet to me, almost like he never should have been a Novak.”

Ouch. “He IS sweet... I need your company’s PI services.”

“What’s wrong with the Novak ones?”

“I have a feeling there might be foul play from within.”

There was another long silence and then some shuffling of paper “Ok...ok, I know who to put on it.”

Gabriel sighed in relief again. “Thanks Kal.”

“Mmhmm...” and then dial tone.

Gabriel felt every bit the schmuck he was for calling Kali after breaking up with her but he couldn’t think of anyone else that could help him. He had a gut feeling his brother wasn’t dead. Barf seemed like a rat and there were so many holes in his story and Gabriel couldn’t shake the feeling his father was hiding something...

Gabriel sighed again, praying to all the deities he could think of that his little brother was alright. But mostly he hoped that his gut feeling wasn't just a mental breakdown from not being able to accept his brother’s death.

Gabriel shook himself out of those thoughts and sped off again.

Chapter Text

Castiel felt the liquid darkness swirling around him again, however without the prior urgency which he now recognised as drowning. This time, the swirling seems like a memory... possibly a dream? A gust of wind swept over his bare shoulder and a waft of something delicious and warm hit his nostrils.

For a few seconds before he opened his eyes, Castiel remembered campouts he and Gabriel used to have; even Luke would join them sometimes, before he became engrossed with the family business.

“Um...C...Cas... are you awake?” the hesitant Adonis asked.

All that Castiel could manage was a grunt, remembering the conversation before he fell asleep the previous night.

Castiel’s brief foray into the idea that this whole thing was a part of the cruise had all but crumbled because what kind of torturous fantasy would have him stranded with one of the most beautiful men he has ever seen only to have him be straight? That train of thought, of course, makes Castiel internally cringe. Because at what point had he accepted the fact that he was indeed attracted to men? This had gone well beyond the scope of enjoying a drunken blowjob in the dark.

“Um, listen, I’m sorry about what I said. I’m not disappointed you’re here. It’s nice to know that I can talk to someone and they’ll respond y’know?” Dean releases a soft sigh. “Talking to my baby was starting to wear a little thin.”

Aghast, Castiel sits up from his horizontal position. “You have a baby here?!”

Dean seems startled by Castiel’s sudden alertness.

“What? ...oh, haha, no.Baby is a toy car my dad gave me when I was little. I, uh, used to talk to a picture of my family but that...got...sad.” Dean got up from where he was sitting near a small fire and started to nervously shuffle a few small pots around.

Castiel studiesd Dean for a moment wondering for the first time how long this loincloth-clad man had been stranded by himself.

Slowly, Castiel turned his body toward Dean. “Were you...shipwrecked?”

Dean doesn't look up as he stands and starts putting things away in what looks like a makeshift cupboard made from… a suitcase? “Yeah, uh, the boat we were on caught fire and I got thrown off in an explosion... um, are you hungry?” His response tapers away before his question and Castiel firmly establishes that even though he knows next to nothing about Dean, the circumstances which lead him to be here still pain him. Castiel can't blame him; his own circumstances are something he doesn't even want to skim over just yet.

“I’m actually really thirsty still.” Even as he managed to croak that sentence out, his throat felt like it had been stuffed with cotton balls and he could feel his heart beating too fast which was strange considering he had never felt his heartbeat this obviously before. If he were in a romance fantasy he would say his heart was beating faster for the semi-clothed beach hunk in front of him... but Castiel abruptly realized he was actually in a lot pain.

Dean turned around with genuine concern on his face. “Oh, you must have swallowed a lot of sea water out there... you probably need to pee like a racehorse too, huh?”

“Uh, yeah, actually...” His bladder suddenly felt like a pulsing water balloon in his abdomen.

“Yup, that’s the dehydration.” Dean put one hand on his waist and looked very thoughtful all of a sudden.

Castiel tried to stand up but faltered for a moment, still not used to standing after being in the water for so long, he supposed.

“Um, do you need help standing up?”

Castiel stood up too fast, fighting against the dizziness and his alarmingly fast heartbeat. A sudden pain on his head and a loud thwack noise informed him that he’d hit the low ceiling.

“Yeah, sorry, watch your head.” Dean’s voice was much closer than it had been a second ago.

When the room stopped spinning and Castiel was confident that opening his eyes wouldn’t make him vomit, he slowly opened one eye to take in his surroundings. “Did... did you build all of this?” Castiel examined the seemingly solid structure they were in, which looked more like a rustic Mediterranean bungalow than makeshift shelter for a castaway.

“Um, yeah... I’ve had a bit of time to refine it and it seems to hold up against the weather.” Dean blushed a little as he spoke and rubbed his neck with one hand in an endearing bout of modesty.

Castiel forced himself to focus on the craftsmanship of the shelter so as not to encourage his own wandering eyes.“How?”

Dean’s eyes lit up as he launched into an excited explanation. “Well – you have to have a strong foundation which is what those thick, long logs are for in the middle and all the structure around them is set up kinda like a circus tent, I guess? But if you were to look at it from the top – it would look like a starfish. A starfish with the word ‘help’ written on it, y’know, for any planes flying nearby... But um… none have... obviously.” Dean’s demeanour became disenchanted and he suddenly looked very sad.

“Dean?”

“Hmm?” Dean turned to look at Castiel but his eyes seemed like they were far away in a memory.

“How long have you been here?” Castiel asked as he sat down, the jolt of sitting reminding him of the needs of his bladder.

Dean crouched down near Castiel, presumably to be at eye level as he responded. “I can't be completely certain. There was a while there at the beginning that I was just... existing I guess? I think I was expecting to get rescued straight away. By the time I realised I had to actually start surviving – I’m not entirely sure how much time had passed.” Dean avoided eye contact.

Castiel was full of questions but he chose a simple one to try to put Dean at ease. “What did you eat?”

“Um, some stuff from the boat washed ashore and then I tried my hand at fishing. But let me tell you – some of those fish gave me major dia- uh... ignore that.” Dean smiled sheepishly and added, “Sorry, it's been awhile since I've had someone to talk to so my filters are a bit off.”

Castiel offered what he hoped was a reassuring smile. “It's ok, so you're not sure how long?”

Dean’s eyes unfocused again but this time in thought processing mode. “Um, my guess would probably be about two years?”

Castiel swallowed the cotton balls in his throat and stared at nothing because two years was a hell of a long time to spend alone. “What date do you last remember ?”

“Um, August 2014 is when the boat left the states.”

Castiel inhaled and as he exhaled he managed lzmrto say, “Three years.”

Dean’s eyes went wide. “What?”

Castiel looked straight into Dean's scared green eyes. “That was nearly three years ago.”

“Oh...“ is all Dean said for a few minutes. “I mean, I guess that makes sense. The time I lost at the beginning could have been months and then there were moments that I kind of just... “ Dean sighed, “...lost myself.”

Castiel's heart broke at that last bit, said so softly and sadly.

Dean cleared his throat loudly. “You know there's only so many times a guys can jerk off,” he said with a shit eating grin. “Sorry too much info,” he added.

Castiel chuckled a little. “No, that's ok...” Castiel was momentarily caught in the beam of Dean's brilliant smile which he blamed for his next question. “Dean, how old are you?”

Dean had to think on it for a few seconds. “Um, well I guess since it's been three years. . . I'm 20?”

“Ah.” Dean was a baby. Sure, 20 wasn’t that young but geez, suddenly Castiel felt really dirty.

“What about you?” Dean asked with small smile.

Castiel could lie... but what would be the point? Dean was just being polite, he wasn’t asking for any... ulterior motives. “29.”

Dean’s eyebrows arched up. “Oh, you look younger than that.”

“Um, thanks.” Castiel couldn't help but feel like Dean was rejecting him again. First Castiel wasn’t a woman and now he was 9 years older than Dean? Castiel felt like he was about to say something defensive when a yawn stretched his mouth unexpectedly.

Dean effortlessly sprung up to a standing position. “Sorry! I'm just babbling on and you're getting tired and you haven't even pissed yet or eaten! Drink some of that water there but not all of it and take small sips. If you drink too much too fast it's going to make you feel worse, trust me.”

After his third small sip of water Castiel asked, “How do you know all this?”

Dean was fussing over whatever he left by the fire,by the smell of it, Castiel guesses some kind of fish. Dean smiled at whatever he was cooking while he explained. “My dad was a bit of a survival nut. He used to make us do these crazy adventure trails when we were little; Mom seemed to enjoy them though.” Dean shrugged.

Castiel felt uncomfortable for multiple reasons. The water he just drank felt like lead in his stomach the smell of food incited both disgust and hunger, and his bladder pounded at his abdomen. He decided to ask more questions to take his mind of his body. “You have siblings?”

Dean targeted another bright smile Castiel's way and he felt himself sigh at the beautiful sight. Dean kept the smile as he spoke “Yeah, my little brother Sammy, he was 3 years younger than me and he hated all that survival stuff. I kind of did too but I can't really bitch about it now, considering it's kept me alive for…three years.” Dean tapered off again as he said the words ‘three years’ as if they didn’t feel right on his tongue.

Dean snapped himself out of the thoughtful expression that had crept onto his face. “Drink up and I'll get you small portions of food to not overload your digestive system.”

Castiel twisted painfully, unsure how to bring up that he REALLY needed to piss.

As if reading his mind, Dean added, “Oh um, it seems like the dehydration has really taken hold so it's probably best if you don't attempt walking again just yet. Um here, use that and I can... um...empty it for you.” Dean held up a wooden bottle looking thing.

Castiel knew that he should feel embarrassed that he essentially pulled his cock out in front of a near stranger, but at that point in time, he felt that if he didn't expel some urine immediately, there was definitely going to be internal damage, if there wasn’t already.

Castiel vaguely heard Dean mumble, “I'm, uh, going to step outside to get some herbs for our food.”

Castiel could have sworn he saw Dean shyly blush and smile at him but he couldn't be sure, as the most important issue at the moment was emptying his bladder.

He shamelessly moaned as he finally let loose and it was only after a few minutes of basking in the relaxation of having emptied an overly full bladder that he realized his moan might have given Dean the wrong idea.

Should he say something? Would that be weird if he was like, “I wasn't jacking off, I just really needed to pee?” But that would sound super weird too because then what if Dean thought he was one of those people that got off on urination! Would Dean even know about that? What if he was sheltered like Castiel and was still a virgin and then here came Castiel talking about people who are sexually aroused by urine?

Between Dean’s isolation and Castiel's rusty people skills – they were probably going to have a metric ton of misunderstandings... in a really messed up way, Castiel was looking forward to it... For platonic reasons... Obviously.

Chapter Text

Castiel got to know Dean well those first few days.

Dean seemed to be really happy when he noticed Castiel was awake and wanted to talk to him for as long as Castiel would allow it. Most nights that limit was up until Castiel could no longer keep his eyes open and was lulled into a dream haze by Dean's deep voice.

Dean was the first person he saw when he woke and the last person he spoke to before he fell asleep. With anyone else, Castiel was sure he would have gotten sick of them by now but with Dean… Castiel was desperate to hear more about how Dean's parents met, and how his mom actually wore the pants in the relationship, or how it took his little brother over two years to ask a girl he liked on a date. The fact that Dean chose to walk around in nothing but a loincloth all day and night made Castiel's recovery a little nicer even though he knew he should be ashamed for ogling the Dean at times.

Castiel had also become addicted to the laughs and smiles Dean freely gave him and he tried to ignore the way his own heart fluttered a bit when Dean held eye contact for a bit too long.

Castiel had started to get fewer headaches and feel less dizzy and, after a week and a half after napping, eating and recovering in his makeshift bed, he was actually able to walk outside of the bungalow and pee by himself for the first time since… the incident. Castiel couldn't let himself think about what happened; it all sent him into a panic attack when he skimmed the surfaces of that night and that bastard Bartholomew.

It was day time which was ideal, because Castiel's stomach still rolled nervously at the thought of the dark night and the black expansive ocean. As he walked back from the spot Dean had advised was the designated “whizz area” Castiel took in the structure he had been in for the last ten days. The structure that a 17-year-old had built to protect himself from the elements.

It was pretty impressive, really.

He could make out the curve of the ‘P’ he knew was on the sloping top of the bungalow where Dean refreshed the word “HELP’’ every few days with an ash and tree sap mixture he had concocted.

Castiel had already thought about the fact that if he had been stranded and Dean hadn't been here, he would have already died of dehydration, or starvation, or poisonous fish (of which there were apparently many).

He walked slowly back to the bungalow and relished every breath of fresh sea air and the wind in his hair even though the muscles in his legs and back burned from disuse. He heard Dean humming inside the Bungalow and it made Castiel smile as he passed through the archway.

Dean had wanted to accompany Castiel when he said he felt well enough to go pee outside that day, but Castiel had told him he’d be fine, mainly because he knew he had another embarrassing bodily function to see to. It had only been a week and a half but in such close quarters and with Dean looking after him – Castiel knew that he trusted Dean more than a lot of people in his ‘normal’ life already, but some mystery needed to remain between them.

“Heya Cas, I was about to send out a search party.” Dean grinned at Castiel in a way that sent his stomach into a frenzy of imaginary butterflies.

“That's pretty ironic considering the circumstances.” Castiel smirked at his own dark joke.

Dean chuckled. “Yeah, I guess so”.

Castiel felt his face heat up at the thought of making Dean smile in other ways but he stopped before his mind could get too creative. He walked back to the bed that he had grown to think of as his own. He now knew it was made of a special kind of leaf that, when dried, was actually quite soft and malleable, and Dean had found a way to sew them together to house other soft leaves making a pretty comfortable mattress.

“So how did you go?” asked Dean, as he turned from the fire where their food was cooking.

Castiel raised an eyebrow. “How did I go?”

Dean may have blushed before turning around again, Castiel couldn’t be sure. “I mean, I don't want a play by play detailed description but are you... uh, functioning correctly?”

Castiel had some idea why Dean was asking but chose to play the fool to see Dean blush some more. “Am I functioning correctly? How do you mean?” He tilted his head to one side for effect.

Dean turned back to look at Castiel and there was definitely some rosy cheek action happening on Dean's face. “Yeah… well, I need to know if I can start fixing you good meals to eat, or if I have to keep feeding you tiny morsels of bland fish.” This time, when Dean turned, there was no hiding his bright red ears.

Castiel had no idea where the impulse came from but he positioned himself right behind Dean and spoke into the younger man’s ear. “Good meals? Have you been holding out on me, Dean?” He deliberately spoke huskily so every word would blow his breath on Dean's ear.

Castiel wasn't sure if he saw Dean shudder but there was a definite stutter when the half naked man in front of him started talking again. “Y-yeah Cas… do you think fish is all there is to eat round here?”

Seeing that he had made Dean uncomfortable — or maybe flustered?— Castiel backed away but leaned against one of the large support logs facing Dean. “There's other things besides fish to eat?”

Dean was still side eyeing him but responded enthusiastically. “There's all sorts of stuff to eat on this island! On the other side, there's these wild rabbits that reproduce like nobody's business during breeding season. There's also these weird ass birds that look like bags of trash but they taste good with jam.”

Castiel had been enjoying the way Dean's muscles flexed and writhed when he was talking about something that he was obviously passionate about but the conversation caught his attention again. “Where did you get jam from?”

Dean shrugged. “I made it.”

Castiel smirked as he managed to steal what looked like a raw piece of carrot from the makeshift table where Dean prepared their meals. “Of course you did.”

Dean lowered his head and turned a different shade of pink. Castiel longed to close the space between them and give him a hug, and his body twitched with the impulse, but Castiel managed to keep still; he had already done one stupid thing on impulse today.

“Don't be embarrassed; you're resourceful. It's a good thing.”

Dean's back straightened and he got a strange sort of proud look on his face so Castiel continued. “Funnily enough, on my way back here I was thinking how I probably would have died already if you weren't here.”

Dean’s happy smile dropped and his brow furrowed. “Don't say that Cas.”

Castiel mirrored Dean's frown because great, he'd managed to stuff up another conversation. With a sigh, Castiel made his way to his bed as his legs were starting to ache from the walk on the sand. As he walked past Dean he said softly, “I just wanted to thank you, Dean.”

Dean stood up and met Castiel's eyes, stopping Castiel completely right in Dean's personal space. “You don't have to thank me, Cas,” Dean almost whispered.

Castiel was very aware of their proximity and the electricity sparking between them. “And you didn't have to look after me. But you did and I just wanted you to know that I'm grateful.”

All Castiel wanted to do was to lean over and kiss Dean; it would have taken minimal movement on his part to capture the full lips that were currently in front of him slightly open…

In a second, the spell was broken as Dean cleared his throat and began to stir whatever was cooking as he spoke with deeper than normal voice. “There's this really cool spot further in the island where there's a rock the sun hits just right and the trees only allow a bit of the winds through so it's the perfect temperature…” Dean cut himself off and then added, “We should go. When you're feeling better obviously.”

Castiel let himself smile freely at the notion. “I'd like that.”

Dean looked over at Castiel and half smiled in a shy, almost coquettish way — Castiel was almost sure it could be classified as flirty. The flutters in his stomach turned into writhing and much less innocent thoughts were starting to form in his mind just from that smile. But Dean hadn't talked about any guys in his life – he had mentioned a lot of girls but no guys… at least not in a way that implied he had experimented with one.

Dean had mentioned a Benny a few times but nothing overly descriptive. That being said, the same thing could be said of himself. He had spoken about most of his relationships but conveniently left out the blow job that made him question his sexuality. Dean was young though... what if he never got the opportunity to experiment?

The worst part of the whole situation was the possibility that neither of them were actually attracted to the other, but were only experiencing some sort of isolation attraction. That had to be a common thing when people were stranded... or even in offices where people fall madly in love simply because they're exposed to each other everyday, but would’t have given each other a second glance had they not been in that situation…

Then again, Castiel would definitely have given Dean a second glance. He probably would have chalked it up to the green eyes that resembled Daphne’s, but deep down he would have known it went much deeper than that.

Putting all that aside though, the fact that Dean wanted to take him somewhere that he enjoyed made Castiel's insides go crazy and-

“Cas?” Dean’s worried face came into focus in front of him.

“Yes? What? Sorry what?” Castiel internally cringed at having being caught in a fantasy.

“Are you ok?” Dean asked tentatively.

Castiel did feel a little dizzy so it wasn't a complete lie when he replied. “Yes… I think the walk made me more tired than I thought.”

Dean was at his side in an instant. “Sit down. I was asking you before if you were hungry?”

Castiel's stomach rumbled in response as he gave Dean a sheepish smile. “Um, yeah. Yes, please”

“Awesome, stay there. I'll bring you a plate.” Dean filled up the polished wood slates he used as plates with what looked like... casserole?

Dean carefully walked two plates of food to where Castiel was sitting on his low bed and after carefully placing one of the plates on Castiel's lap, sat cross-legged next to the bed and began eating.

Castiel felt like his taste buds were throbbing after taking his first bit of the brown mush on his plate. He knows that pornographic growling sounds must have escaped him because when he opened his eyes — when did those close?— he saw Dean sitting completely still with his wooden scoop halfway up to his partially open mouth.

Castiel cleared his throat and looked down at his plate. “Sorry, this tastes really good. Thank you, Dean.”

Dean grinned. “If that's the reaction you get with a little bit of flavour, wait til you try what I can do with other things.” Dean made a suggestive expression with his eyebrows and then chuckled to himself.

Castiel's stomach squirmed again. “Um, yes, I look forward to it.”

Dean nodded, smiling and continued eating. However after a few minutes he had a small frown playing on his brow. “Hey Cas?”

Castiel looked up from his food to give Dean his full attention.

“Were you ever with any men?”

Castiel choked on his food. “What??”

Dean looked down at his plate and started playing with his food. His reply got progressively faster as it did when Dean was nervous. “It's just, you mentioned kissing that guy Bartholomew before he pushed you off the cruise and-”

“What? When did I say that?” Castiel mentally skimmed through the multitude of conversations he'd had with Dean but didn't remember mentioning that gross detail.

Dean still hadn't looked up but was focused intently on his food as he spoke. “The night I pulled you out of the ocean, you said that you never should have kissed that slimy bastard… now that I think about it, you could have said ‘limey’… but I guess that doesn't make much sense…”

Well it wasn't a lie.

It was Castiel's turn to look down and inspect his food. “Uh yes, we kissed but I don't really remember much about it - I think he roofied me... which is probably why it's taken me so long to recover now that I think about it.”

Castiel looked at Dean from the corner of his eye, expecting Dean to be disgusted or to walk away because of Castiel's confession.

Instead, Dean looked up and nodded thoughtfully. “Probably yeah.”

They ate in silence for another few minutes before Dean started talking normally. “Benny tried a roofie once on a dare and let me tell you – carrying a six foot quarterback is NOT an easy thing to do.”

And just like that, Castiel thankfully didn’t have to think about the ocean on Bartholomew.

Chapter Text

In the days that followed, Castiel felt strong enough to venture outside a little more and to gather sticks and logs for the various uses Dean had for them. Dean protested at first of course, telling him not to push himself but Castiel was determined to carry his weight.

He started to feel useful and he ate more heartily. Dean wasn't kidding either; even considering the limited supplies, he managed to cook incredibly delicious wild rabbit stews. The first night he had served it, Castiel got incredibly sick, but by the gods, it had been totally worth it.

Dean went back to semi-blandish foods for the sake of Castiel's stomach and Castiel felt embarrassed as hell to think that Dean had heard him being sick.

Without the constant napping, Castiel also started to notice embarrassing things, like how horrible he smelled, but Dean, bless him, hadn't said anything or recoiled from him when helping get around the bungalow.

Dean had a manly musk to him that Castiel caught every time the younger man was near him but he was pretty sure his own body wasn't producing anything as tantalizing.

“Dean, is there anywhere I can clean up a bit that isn't saltwater?” Castiel asked Dean one evening while they were weaving insulation mats — another of the many skills Dean had mastered while on the island.

Dean seemed confused by the question. “Yeah, there's a nice patch of water further in. It's near that rock I was telling you about... Did... Did you want to go?”

Castiel felt an urgency to smell better for… himself (for Dean) but he knew his body might not be able to handle the trip. “As long as it's not too far to hike? I don't completely trust myself yet.”

Dean smiled pleasantly. “Definitely, yeah, you should be fine... I can um, pack us a picnic.” Dean stood up in such a hurry that his cloth flapped and Castiel thought he saw something he shouldn't have.

Castiel’s brain short circuited at what he may or may not have seen and… wait, did Dean say picnic?! Castiel wasn’t sure if he was dizzy because he had exerted himself or because… Could Dean be...? Picnics are a romantic type situation, right? Castiel had never been on a picnic with a friend or even with a group of friends. Maybe Dean was part of community where friends constantly went on picnics and no one questioned it?

Or maybe, just maybe Dean did find him attractive and wanted to… what? Start a relationship on a deserted island? What if they broke up? How would they avoid each other? Would Castiel have to move to the other side of the island?

Castiel was torn between excitement over the prospect of Dean actually wanting him back, and wariness of the constant cycle of thoughts reminding him that IF Dean was interested in him, it was probably only because of his prolonged isolation and need for human contact.

Castiel promised himself he’d behave; he couldn’t take advantage of Dean. Especially when he had taken such good care of Castiel and basically saved his life. No matter how perfectly sculpted or half naked he was. No matter how hard he sometimes got at the mere thought of touching the tan corded musc-

“Cas?” Castiel was transported back to the bungalow by Dean’s worried voice.

“Hmm?” was all Castiel thought to reply.

Dean smiled at him in that way that made him look both dashing and innocent at the same time. “I lost you again, huh?”

Castiel wondered how often he daydreamed that Dean had started to notice. “No, I was just...” imagining my hands touching every inch of your naked body.

Castiel heard Dean chuckle before he spoke. “You literally tuned out in the middle of explaining why you tuned out.” Dean shook his head with another sweet smile.

Dean turned around to continue whatever it was he was doing and Castiel became mesmerised with the young man’s back, the way the muscles undulated in a tempting way… Castiel’s groin tingled with the telltale signs of a forceful erection.

“I think I need fresh air,” he managed to say before walking out of the bungalow, not even waiting for Dean’s response.

Masturbation! Why hadn't Castiel thought of that before? He settled on the explanation that, considering he had been in such close quarters with Dean, the opportunity had not presented itself where he could masturbate without Dean hearing or the gods forbid, seeing him.

He walked further out than he had dared since he had felt well enough to roam the dense jungle area surrounding the bungalow. Castiel took a few steps and looked back to make sure he could still see beach.

He was being honest with Dean when he said he didn't feel well enough to venture too far out but the insistent throbbing of his groin was propelling him a little deeper into the trees to make sure there was no chance Dean would see or hear anything.

As luck would have it, Castiel found a small stone cave that looked shallow enough to not have a big scary creature living in it, but big enough for him to comfortably sit in AND be hidden from view of the rough trail he had been following.

Castiel did a final check behind him to make sure Dean hadn't followed him and ducked into the cave. Castiel was certain he had never been as horny as he was at that moment. He hadn’t fully entered the cave before he was unzipping his pants-turned-shorts to free his heavy cock from its belted prison.

Even without touching himself, the relief of letting his cock pulse and twitch without the restriction of his shorts or belt was enough to make Castiel sigh and moan at the same time.

He let himself bask in his want, feeling the familiar throbbing. If he closed his eyes, he could almost imagine that he was at home about to touch himself... if he ignored the jungle sounds and the growing anxiety that Dean might show up at any moment.

Dean.

The half naked Adonis was both the worst and best thing he could think of, because Castiel felt himself get impossibly harder and a large drop of precome aided the way when he finally couldn't keep his hands off himself.

With the first slick drag of his hand, his mind started racing with images and questions. Would Dean be a top or a bottom? Would he moan? Did he like his nipples touched? His neck sucked? Would he beg Castiel to come or would he race towards his own pleasure?

In those moments, Castiel realised he knew more about gay sex than he gave himself credit for.

All it took for Castiel to erupt in his hand was the final thought of Dean chanting his name while Castiel pounded into him.

He almost blacked out.

When his vision had returned to normal, he cleaned himself up as best he could with some waxy leaves that were in arms reach. He wasn’t proud of it but he also wiped his more filthy hand on some moss covering the roof of the cave.

With a final check that he didn’t have cum hanging from his ear (because what man didn’t check that after watching There’s Something About Mary) he made the trip back to the bungalow slowly.

When he finally reached the bungalow he was too tired to be embarrassed, even if Dean had heard or seen something.

“Everything ok?” came Dean’s voice as he entered the bungalow with stack of firewood.

“Yes, nothing…. wrong.” Castiel smiled stiffly.

Dean smirked. “Alright, champ.”

Castiel exhaled sharply as he sat down on his makeshift bed.

“You know Cas, we’re both grown men.”

Castiel nodded because he couldn’t even begin to imagine where this conversation was going. ”Ok.”

“We’re both grown men and ….” Dean bit his lip and then continued, “your pants suck at hiding a raging boner.”

Castiel’s brain went into overdrive DENY DENY RUN

Dean paused and smirked again. “It’s ok, Cas, I mean I guess I should be glad you’re not an exhibitionist that whips it out when you get the urge right?”

“I suppose…” Castiel uttered.

Dean laughed to himself. “Hell, I could even show you where this small cave is, it’s perfect to relieve stress and any sound will get swallowed up instead of amplified, y’know?”

Castiel felt all the blood drain from his face.

He had masturbated in Dean’s... masturbation cave?

“It’s alright Cas, like I said, we’re both grown men.” Dean looked up and gave Castiel a flirty smile. “We good?”

“Yeah, Dean we’re good.”

THINGS WERE NOT GOOD.

Castiel had it so ingrained since childhood to be embarrassed about his body and especially his sexuality that he was mortified. And to top it all off, the conversation had made him twitch in his pants again. They had to find a way to get off the island before Castiel did or said something even more embarrassing than running off for a jerk off session starring the only other person on the island.

Chapter Text

The days passed surprisingly easy on the island, despite the embarrassment of the masturbation conversation. There were still times when Castiel thought he might be on a hidden camera show where TV execs were going to jump out of the bushes at any moment and tell him he'd won a shitty car or something equally ridiculous.

He voiced those thoughts to Dean with a chuckle but Dean hadn’t found it very funny; in fact it was the closest Castiel had seen him to getting angry.

“Why can’t we just enjoy being here?” Dean had said more than asked.

“I do enjoy it here, I mean as much as you can enjoy being stranded,” Castiel had replied in confusion. It was true though; he felt silly for thinking it, but he was actually quite happy.

There was always something to be done on the island but they were never stressed out or busy in the traditional sense. They could relax anytime they wanted but they were never bored. It was actually scary how quickly Castiel felt at home at Dean’s side on the island.

“If you’re happy here then what’s the point of thinking about being rescued? Either we get rescued or we live like we’ll spend the rest of our lives here. There’s no middle ground. Imagine wasting your life waiting for a rescue that never comes?”

Alarm bells were going off in Castiel’s head. Dean must have broken at some point in the last three years, maybe more than once.. There must have been a point where he gave up or almost did. Suddenly, Castiel really wanted to hug Dean and tell him everything was going to be OK and that he was indeed happy on the island and that his happiness could be 90% attributed to Dean’s mere presence.

But he didn’t do any of that. Castiel just sat there watching Dean as the younger man cleaned up the remnants of their breakfast, obviously avoiding eye contact.

Castiel spoke without really meaning to, but he was so desperate at that moment to get back into Dean’s good graces that he would’ve had said anything, propriety and resolutions to behave be damned!

“I’ve been thinking, my body has healed a substantial amount the last few days, maybe we could go to that spot you’ve been telling me about. I’m confident I could make the trip now.” Castiel tried to keep his voice casual but he ended up sounding like a nervous teen asking his crush to the prom.

“Yeah?” Dean’s eyes brightened and his back straightened.

“Yeah!” Castiel heard how excited his own voice sounded and decided to dial it back a bit. “I mean, if you want to.”

“Yeah that sounds awesome. Picnic too?” Dean asked with what Castiel could only describe as forced indifference.

“Yeah.” Castiel couldn’t help smile at the younger man.

“Today? It’s still early, we could make it there by lunch time, spend a few hours there and be back a bit after dark?” Dean asked hesitantly.

“Sounds great.” Castiel gave Dean another genuine smile because even though he had promised he wouldn’t put himself in situations where he fell deeper for Dean, he just wanted Dean to be happy, and being the reason for Dean happiness made Castiel ecstatic.

“Awesome! I’ll get stuff ready!” Dean practically skipped out of the bungalow.

The butterflies in Castiel’s stomach were having a rave or something because he was definitely having major flutters.

They gathered all their supplies into sacks that Dean had made out of large leaves dipped into some sort of wax he had fashioned. Every day Castiel had been on the island, he had marvelled at the amazing objects Dean had created to survive or to make his life easier.

He was like MacGyver… A sexy half-naked island MacGyver…

The only one of Dean’s creations that Castiel was hesitant to try was the loincloth. Castiel had made his slacks cutoffs, and his white button up shirt into a type of vest so he wouldn’t feel naked but could still feel cooler in the tropical heat.

Dean had offered to make him a loincloth — which actually sounded like an extremely good idea given how much Castiel’s runner’s thighs chafed in the heat — but he knew he’d be too self conscious to walk around half naked next to the male model look Dean had going for him.

Castiel had started to fantasise about how good the other man looked when Dean himself came rushing back in with the same excited energy as when he had left. “Cas, what if we have a camp out?”

Castiel raised his eyebrows. “A camp out?”

“Yeah, like with a big fire and we can sleep under the stars. I mean yeah, there’ll be no marshmallows or music but we can tell scary stories…” Dean continued on about all the fun things they could do.

Castiel wasn’t exactly an outdoors person as an adult — most of the outdoors activities he did as a child were because Gabriel always dragged him along on adventures — but how could Castiel say no to the excited and beautiful puppy in front of him?

Castiel nodded, “Ok.”

“Awesome.” Dean’s smiles were becoming too much for Castiel to bear.

In a way, the altered plans made Castiel feel more at ease, because it meant he didn’t have to make the trip twice in one day. He hadn’t lied to Dean, he did feel physically better but he was still a bit hesitant to push himself. The way things had turned out, he wouldn’t have to show that weakness to Dean.

They had everything ready quite quickly and doubled some supplies to account for their extended stay away from the bungalow.

As they walked further away from the beach and deeper into the jungle, Castiel felt strange that they had left the bungalow unprotected, but it wasn’t like anyone else was around to steal anything. Castiel wanted to ask Dean whether he had refreshed the HELP message on top of the bungalow but with the fresh air and good company, he completely forgot.

They passed the small cave Castiel had desecrated a week prior and Dean had just given him an embarrassed sort of look, probably remembering their conversation. Neither of them had spoken about masturbation since. Castiel thought he heard some breathy moans a couple of nights previous but it could have been his imagination.

The walk to the lake took three hours and when they finally arrived, Castiel was ready to pass out from exhaustion.

“Cas, are you ok?” Dean’s concern was clear in his voice.

Breathing heavily, Castiel responded as he all but crumpled to the ground. “Yeah… rest,” he managed to say.

Castiel heard some shuffling around him and then strong hands guided him to a slightly softer surface than the ground he had let himself fall on.

“This was too much wasn’t it?” asked Dean as he fussed over Castiel.

“Ok, just lay here for a bit and I’ll set up camp.” Dean looked at him dubiously, but clapped his hands together determinedly to start setting things up.

Castiel had gotten his breath back but was still ridiculously tired. Not wanting to burden Dean with all the campsite set up though, he tried to get up. “It’s fine, I can-“

Dean placed his hand on Castiel’s chest and gently pushed him down on the blanket. If Castiel hadn’t been so exhausted, he was sure his cock would have taken an interest in what was happening. Dean lingered for a moment longer than necessary with a devilish smile on his face and then turned away to set up camp.

Castiel found that he was breathless for a completely different reason after that particular moment. He decided to look around to keep himself distracted from the half naked man doing manly things nearby.

The lake was serene and beautiful, just as Dean had described, but there was an ethereal quality to the location as well. The trees were really dense in some places but had breaks in foliage to let the sun in. The rays of light that hit the lake reflected on all the surfaces around it. Castiel lost himself in the beautiful view but was brought back to reality when he heard Dean grunt while lifting a large piece of wood.

There was no doubt Dean had been flirting with him for at least a couple of weeks but Castiel had yet to understand if Dean was flirting because he wanted something with him or if ‘flirty’ was just a part of his personality that had come out once they had gotten to know each other better.

Dean’s voice brought him out of his head. “Hey Cas, you don’t mind if we sleep a little closer than we normally do, right?”

Castiel turned to look where Dean was pointing and smaller versions of their beds were placed almost next to each other on the ground. “I uh…”

“It’s easier to make a roof over our heads if the beds are closer together,” Dean explained a little too quickly.

“Oh, yes of course. I don’t mind,” he tried to say calmly, but he heard his voice break like a nervous teen.

“Great!” Dean winked as he clapped his hands together again and started working on the roof they were going to sleep under.

Castiel was in a prime position to watch Dean work, his body was literally glistening in the sun that reflected off the water nearby. Castiel had to close his eyes and think of horrible things to not be caught out with an erection… again.

A wave of panic washed over Castiel as he wondered how was he going to control his body with Dean sleeping an arms length away? Castiel groaned as he realised it was almost certain there would be another embarrassing moment in his near future.

Chapter Text

Castiel was genuinely confused about what was happening.

The worst part was he knew his decision to make the trip to the lake had been made to make Dean happy with him again. If Castiel had sat down and thought about it, there were so many reasons why they shouldn’t have come.

Castiel’s health for one, his resolve to not take advantage of Dean was another. Was it actually taking advantage if it was instigated by Dean though? Castiel recoiled internally because he was pretty sure that was the train of thought that skeezy old men had when pursuing people younger than them.

Mostly, Castiel felt out of control; his whole life had been following his parents wishes, or censoring himself for prudish partners. With Dean, Castiel felt more himself than ever but also giddy… all those feelings that Castiel had always scoffed at when people talked about being in lo-

“Earth to Cas.”

Castiel felt his face get warm when he realised how close Dean had gotten to get his attention. “Sorry, the walk must have really taken it out of me,” Castiel heard himself say.

“Yeah I noticed.” Dean looked at him closely. “You weren’t ready to make this trip were you?”

Castiel shook his head with embarrassment.

Dean backed away a little and looked away as if he was thinking. “Did you only suggest the trip because you thought I was mad you?”

Castiel nodded like a naughty child being caught in a lie.

Dean sighed and sat by Castiel’s side. “I wasn’t angry with you… or with what you were saying really. The last three years have been a bit of a roller coaster for me.”

“Dean you don’t have to-“

Dean held up his hand to silence Castiel. “I know, but it’s not like you’re gonna tell anyone, huh?” Dean’s green eyes glittered with humour.

Castiel rolled his eyes with endearment at Dean’s sense of humour.

Dean rubbed the back of his neck with an embarrassed chuckle. “Sorry, I, um, use humour to deflect from serious stuff, or at least that’s what Sammy used to tell me.”

Castiel watched Dean intently and felt himself lean closer to offer some sort of comfort, he knew whatever Dean was about to tell him, was going to be rough for the younger man.

Dean took a deep breath and looked down at his hands. “Things got dark… like REALLY dark, to be honest there’s huge chunks of time I don’t even remember… probably for the best really.” Dean looked so sad and defeated that Castiel wanted to wrap him up and protect him from his own memories, if that were even possible.

Dean took another deep breath and continued. “The only way I can describe it was …savage. I just lost all sense of who or what I was and destroyed everything I had made up to that point and just… existed. I don’t know… it probably just sounds like I’m unstable or something.”

Castiel frowned. “Not at all… you went through an extremely traumatic experience, you did what you had to, to survive. Many people in your situation would have given up.”

Dean had looked up at Castiel as he spoke but lowered his gaze to his hands again as he whispered, “I did.”

Castiel’s shock must have showed on his face because Dean continued talking. “After my little caveman stint, I… I don’t know…. it was like the fire on the boat had just happened again and I guess I was mourning my family… and my life. I felt lost and like nothing I did mattered and… that it wouldn’t matter if I died.”

Castiel’s heart clenched and he instinctually put his hand over Dean’s. Dean let him which Castiel was ecstatic about, not for any nefarious reason, but because Dean needed to be comforted.

Dean smiled down at their entwined hands but his eyes were a little watery. “You know, ironically, what made me appreciate living again was nearly dying.”

Dean paused but Castiel didn’t have to ask anything as Dean kept talking. “I was being reckless on one of the cliff faces on the other side of the island. I fell and got cut pretty bad.” Dean pointed to a large scar on the side of his body that Castiel had never noticed. “It got infected, and hurt like hell. I made it back to the bungalow somehow and applied various salves that I’d been harvesting hoping that one of them would help. It was through the fever dreams and blurred vision that I saw the picture of my family.”

Castiel was very familiar with that picture as Dean had placed it on a tiny shelf by the doorway of the bungalow with Baby. He had felt like a weirdo for staring at someone else’s family but Dean understood when Castiel had tried explaining his fascination with the picture. After all, it was the only picture of other people they had, and they meant a lot to Dean so Castiel had grown to love it.

“It’s funny though because it wasn’t about making my parents proud… but more about them telling me I was better than just giving up, y’know?” Dean turned to face Castiel.

Castiel nodded solemnly and squeezed Dean’s hand softly encouraging him to continue. “I owed it to myself to fight. There was no way this island was going to beat me, and so I started trying to work out how to make some sort of boat. I had tried to make one when I first got here, but nothing I made held together very well. After the amount of time I’ve been here and all the stuff I’ve built, I was convinced I could create something that could get me off this island… but then…”

There was a long pause before Castiel asked, “Then?”

Dean looked away and Castiel could have sworn he had been blushing. “A dishevelled blue-eyed business man blabbering obscenities washed up on my shore.”

It took Castiel a few seconds to realise what Dean was talking about. “I wasn’t blabbering obscenities,” he said chuckling.

Dean grinned at him. “Trust me, you totally were. Between calling me all sorts of lewd but flattering names, you would curse Bartholomew’s name, family and I think you mentioned something about his cat.”

Castiel nudged Dean because he had to have been teasing. “Well that’s unfathomably embarrassing.”

Dean looked at him with a strange lopsided smile.

“What?” Castiel asked suddenly feeling extremely self conscious.

“You talk so proper.” Dean smiled again as if remembering a joke.

“Sorry,” Castiel apologised out of habit.

Dean nudged him a little back. “Don’t be sorry, it’s… cute… or whatever.”

Castiel felt the blood rushing to his cheeks at Dean’s admission.

Dean squeezed Castiel’s hand and then let go. “Well that’s enough of the chick flick moments I think. How about I go kill something and we have a manly Viking lunch?”

Castiel nearly got whiplash from Dean’s change of mood but accepted that he had gotten more from Dean in that last hour than he was ever expecting to get.

Lunch and dinner were amazing and Castiel didn’t even care if he got sick or not (he didn’t). They ate gluttonously, told stories, and laughed until their too full stomachs burned.

Once they didn’t feel so full, they swam in the lake and horsed around in a way Castiel had never done with anyone outside of his own family and even then, it was always him running away from Gabriel.

There was a point in their play wrestling when Dean had snuck up behind him and gotten him in some type of top body hold and Castiel could have sworn he felt something hard poke him in the ass, but it was gone as soon as he had felt it so he put it down to wishful thinking.

Dean commented during the course of the night that he wished they had beer to “really make it a party” but Castiel felt intoxicated without it. He was giggling at every little thing that was said and when the time came to go to sleep, he was sad to leave the floaty feeling of having enjoyed himself. He didn’t even feel self conscious enough to put his shirt vest back on; he just carried it on his shoulder not caring one bit if he looked ridiculous.

As they stumbled back from the lake to the tiny leaf covered tent Dean had constructed, they giggled and nudged each other and at one point Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel’s shoulders and whispered “I’m so glad it was you” before talking about something else so quickly, Castiel questioned whether anything had actually been said at all.

When they reached the tent, Dean asked him if he wanted the left or right side and Castiel thought the last time someone had asked him that exact question was when he and Hannah had started staying over at each others houses. “L-left I guess.” The whole scene was so domestic that it made Castiel’s palms sweaty.

Most days, Dean always woke up before Castiel and fell asleep after him so it was odd for Castiel to witness Dean getting ready for bed especially in such a close proximity.

Castiel averted his eyes when he thought Dean was going to take off his loincloth, but instead he bent down and started taking things out of the rucksack he had carried.

“Ah hah!” Dean exclaimed excitedly.

Castiel smiled at how enthusiastically Dean treated everything, especially after knowing everything the younger man had been through.

Dean turned around with a plaid blanket in each hand. “Am I awesome or am I awesome?”

Dean was definitely ‘awesome’.

He draped a blanket on each of the beds as he spoke. “I’d completely forgotten I had these until I was looking for stuff today. These are the only two that washed ashore from the boat and one of them was a bit singed but they’re still warm.” He was tucking in the corners as he continued. “Don’t really need them in a tropical climate but the trees surrounding us actually keep the warmth out and it gets pretty cold in this area.”

Castiel noticed that Dean was rambling which he only did when he was nervous.

Castiel carefully sat down on the scratchy blanket that in his life outside of the island would not have been acceptable, but in that moment, sitting with Dean after an amazing day, that blanket felt heavenly. Castiel stretched out on it and sighed at the alien yet familiar feeling of cloth on his body.

“Let’s play truth or dare,” Castiel heard Dean say much closer to his right than he thought he’d be.

Castiel chuckled. “Dean, I’m 29 and not a teenage girl.”

Dean laughed. “You could have fooled me with all that giggling at the lake. We’re doing it, you have to pick truth or dare.”

Castiel rolled his eyes as he settled back into his blanket. “Truth, I’m not getting up.”

Dean let out a huge belly laugh that made Castiel laugh too.

When they had both settled again Dean asked, “Do you love Daphne?”

Castiel’s sleepiness disappeared in an instance and he turned to look at Dean who looked back at him with a blank stare.

“I… no… why?” Castiel asked confusedly, he didn’t think he’d mentioned her often enough for Dean to get that impression.

Dean looked down and played with the frayed edges of his blanket. “You thought I was her when I found you.”

“The pretty green eyes confused me,” Castiel blurted out, before he could stop himself. He expected Dean to cut the conversation or to roll his eyes. What Castiel wasn’t expecting, however, was to see Dean blush and smile without turning away.

“Hey Cas?”

Castiel looked straight into Dean’s eyes to acknowledge he was listening.

“Have you ever been with another man besides Bartholomew?”

Castiel bristled at the sound of that assbutt’s name. “Firstly, I was never with Bartholomew… Secondly, this is like your third question so don’t think you’re getting off the hook on your truth or dare and thirdly, in answer to your question… yes, once… kind of…”

Den’s back straightened a bit in surprise. “Kind of?”

Castiel had never told anyone about the illicit closet blow job (although he had a suspicion Gabriel might have dragged it out of him while drunk once). “There was a party and um… aguygavemeablowjob…”

The pause that followed Castiel’s rushed sentence was excruciating. Was he wrong to trust Dean? Had he been reading the situation incorrectly and Dean was actually going to be disgusted with him?

After what seemed like an age Dean cleared his throat. “Did… did you enjoy it?”

Castiel chanced a look at the half naked man a foot away, completely confused by the unexpected reaction. “Yeah. It was… nice,” was all Castiel could think to say.

“What?” Dean seemed annoyed for some reason. “Nice? This random dude must not’ve been very good if all you can say is it was ‘nice’. I’ve heard you call a flower iridescently beautiful dude!”

Castiel could have sworn Dean had gotten closer as he continued to talk. “If someone gives you a good blow job, you’d definitely be saying it was more than nice. You’d say it was amazing or mind blowing.” Dean’s voice had gotten deeper breathier.

Dean leaned forward and whispered into Castiel’s ear. “Cas, Do you want to know what a mind blowing blow job feels like?”

Castiel’s heart almost stopped because all the blood to keep it pumping had rushed down to his cock. Castiel accepted he was probably going to go to hell for what was going to happen next.

Chapter Text

The PI Kali sent Gabriel to was a family business called Winchester and Sons.

Gabriel had run background checks on all the family members of the Winchester family and they all checked out. Mostly.

Their eldest son had been lost at sea 3 years prior hence the occupation change for daddy Winchester from a marine to a PI.

It was strange though, thought Gabriel, why not become a fisherman or tour guide — what were they supposed to be investigating in a case like that? At least in Cassie's case he could get that asshole Bartholomew investigated. Gabriel was still in denial that his father would have had anything to do with Cas’... disappearance but the thought had certainly planted itself at the back of Gabriel’s mind.

When he had gone to meet John Winchester, Gabriel had instead been met by a tall gangly boy in the awkward phase of being not quite a teen, not quite a man.

He had introduced himself as Sam Winchester and said he would be the one to help Gabriel out with his Bartholomew problem.

Gabriel, in any other situation, would have walked away considering John Winchester had obviously shafted him and given his case to his youngest son. But Gabriel was willing to give the kid a chance on pure gut feeling and because the kid had proven to be feisty.

Gabriel explained what had happened with Cassie on the cruise and his suspicions about Bartholomew.

Sam had looked sad when Gabriel had finished his story “can I tell you a story Mr Novak?”

Gabriel was confused by the change in tone but nodded to see where it was going, resisting the urge to to get the kid to call him Gabriel or Gabe.

Sam took a drink of water before speaking like if he was preparing himself for a rough speech “my dad nearly lost his mind because he was convinced that my older brother Dean was still alive after our boat caught fire and sunk. Dean had been on the other side of the boat when it all happened so he was separated from the rest of the family when the boat fell apart.”

Gabriel thought about Castiel and how horrible it would have been if his brother had been lost at sea with his family being so close but unable to help.

Sam continued “dad got hold of me and pushed me towards the lifeboat, we thought we were the only ones to survive but my mom showed up with her hair slightly burned but without Dean…” Sam took a labored breath “We all shouted for hours in the hope that Dean would hear us and find us but we never even saw a glimpse of him.”

Sam stared out the window near the desk he was sitting at and then cleared his throat “no one could do anything, someone lost at sea is almost impossible to find, dad became obsessed how the fire had started in the first place, not accepting that it was just a freak accident.”

Sam sat back in his chair and looked much older than his 17 years “it was the reason we got into the PI business yknow? Giving grieving families the kind of closure we could never get for Dean” Sam huffed out a bitter laugh “even if we mostly just get husbands and wives wanting to find out if their partners are cheating on them.”

Gabriel felt like he should give the kid a commiserating pat on the back or something but instead he asked questions “have you ever gotten a lead about Dean I mean?”

Sam turned his computer monitor to face Gabriel “we have evidence the currents near where the boat went down could have lead Dean out to open sea” Sam pointed to little water current animation on a map “and yes, it would be impossible to find him in open seas, however there’s this small cluster of islands that wasn’t investigated because small boats get ripped to shreds by the rough water and larger boats would get damaged from all the rocks.”

Sam turned the monitor back around “we’ve been saving up since Dean went missing to buy our own mid size boat and customise her to withstand the trip”

When Gabriel looked over the maps Sam had showed him, he noticed the area where the Winchester boat had gone down was very near to where Castiel had been lost.

Sam sighed and turned to Gabriel, “sorry Mr Novak, I guess what I was trying to say is don’t lose yourself in trying to find your brother, I guess we’ve become a cautionary tale.”

Gabriel bristled at the politeness “Gabriel”

Sam stopped shuffling papers around “sorry?”

My name’s Gabriel, please don’t call me Mr Novak – that’s my dad, and he’s a jerk.”

Sam looked like he didn’t know what to say so Gabriel kept talking “Look kid, I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt here and assume you know what you’re doing, so tell me the truth – can you get Bartholomew arrested for hurting Castiel?”

“The most I can do is try, mr N-Gabriel, if you let me do my own investigation I can dig deeper than most corporate investigators.” Sam said with a hint of pride.

The only way he could be better than their corporate investigators was if he was doing some illegal back door stuff with the corporate servers… Gabriel started to like the kid at that point.

It turned out Sam was a pretty damn awesome PI.

It took him less than a month to figure out Bartholomew was actually stealing small amounts of employees' pension funds. Not enough for anyone to notice but enough that when the amount of people he had stolen from was taken into account, it would equal well over the two million mark.

The working theory was that Bartholomew wanted Cassie out of the picture because, given enough time, Cas would have stumbled upon some of Bartholomew's dodgy dealings when he looked over the company's accounts.

It all seemed like Bartholomew had simply been opportunistic. The information that Sam had gathered was enough to have Bartholomew charged with fraud and money laundering.

That obviously wasn't enough for whatever he had done to Cas but it had been a start.

When Gabriel had delivered the news to his parents, they hadn't even said thank you. Instead his mother had given a spiel about how she had never trusted Bartholomew and that poor Castiel had died because of a greedy weasel.

His father was curiously silent.

Gabriel had tried to talk to him when his mother had gone to call one of her friends but instead managed to overhear his father in a phone conversation.

“Bartholomew acted alone, over a petty two million dollars, the fool has no idea how many plans he’s sabotaged” there was silence as he obviously waited for a response. “Leave it with me, we’ll work something out, but we’ll have to lay low for a while... I’ve had PIs tailing me lately, it’s not worth the risk right now.” The rest of the conversation seemed to be his father saying overly sweet things that made Gabriel’s stomach roll.

Gabriel didn't tell his parents that he had hope Cas was still alive, in much the same way that Sam had hope that his brother Dean was still alive. But now there was the added issue, that his father was almost definitely involved in something shady... not to mention that he obviously viewed Cas’ disappearance as more of an inconvenience than a tragedy.

He was still unsure what was going on and planned to get some answers at dinner but His parents had made him furious, talking about a funeral for Cas and what to do with his apartment, so Gabriel had sought out Sam, not for the case which at that point was technically closed, but for company. They met at a bar close to the Winchester PI office which was known for being chilled and cheap.

As Gabriel guzzled his second beer of the night he spat out “Have your parents given up on finding Dean?”

Sam seemed shocked by Gabriel’s aggressive tone but thought about it for a moment before answering “I think mom has.”

Sam fiddled with a beer coaster and obviously fidgeted because he bumped Gabriel under the table a couple of times with his extremely long legs “I know dad still has some active traces around the country in case he by some miracle washes up ashore.”

Gabriel could see that John was the more sentimental of the two “See that makes sense, my parents are ass, dad is a robot and mom is already planning a funeral for Cas a fucking catered party more like.” He grumbled.

“That sucks Gabe.” Sam had his puppy dog eyes on but before Gabriel could get sucked up in the vortex of Sam Winchester’s adorableness, a buxom waitress came up to their table.

“What can I get ya cute stuff?” She winked at Sam who blushed in return and asked for a beer, Gabriel found himself feeling queasy at the exchange.

When the waitress had left with another wink and a pronounced sway to her lips, Gabriel realised something “are you old enough to be drinking?”

Sam smiled cheekily and pulled out a perfectly crafted fake ID and flicked it across the table to Gabriel.

Gabriel smirked “Fake ID Sammy? What a rebel”

Sam blushed and huffed “Your influence I can assure you.”

Gabriel was surprised considering that he and Sam hadn’t actually spent that much time together, at least not as much as he would like “Me?”

“Yeah, you always want to meet up at bars so I figured might as well partake” Sam shrugged.

Gabriel felt a bit guilty because he hadn’t even thought about Sam not being able to drink until he actually ordered a beer “You should have said something, I was just naming places, next time we can meet at a play ground or a malt shop or wherever the hell kids meet up these days” Gabriel teased with the most shit eating grin he could muster.

“Malt shop? Gabe, you’re not even old enough to have called places ‘malt shop’! Stop trying to act old” Sam said with a chuckle.

Gabriel took a large gulp of beer before adding “I am thirty three, Sam. You know that right?” Gabriel just wanted to keep everything transparent.

Sam smiled at Gabriel not paying attention to the waitress exaggeratingly leaning over to place the beer in front of Sam. “I know Gabe” he nodded over to the pool table “You wanna play?”

The odd moment had passed much to Gabriel’s relief “Eh, why not?”

Nothing untoward happened with Sam that night, obviously, because he was too young, but Gabriel found that he really enjoyed spending time with the kid.

Sam had recently had his heart broken and had put his pre-law classes on hold to get himself together which is why he was available to work on the Bartholomew case. It didn’t really matter in the long run because the kid had been smart enough to skip a couple of years of high school which meant even if he put his classes off for another two years, he’d still be the same age as his classmates when he went back. A regular Doogie Howser.

After too many beers and a few shots the eager waitress gave Sam, the bar was clearing out and only Sam and Gabriel and a low key group of women on the other side of the bar remained.

They were sitting on the Sam side of a booth when Gabriel made a decision about what to do next “Sammy?”

Sam was building a card castle with the coasters on the table but looked up “Yeah?”

Gabriel took a deep breath ”My instincts tell me Cassie’s alive.”

Sams’s surprise was comically revealed by the card castle collapsing in on itself “I’ve never given up on Dean…” Sam’s whispered excitedly.

Gabriel’s heart pumped faster “I have the money to get us a boat.”

Sam’s eyes widened “A-are you sure?”

Gabriel was very aware that they had drifted closer than they were “Yeah, let’s do this.”

“Holy shit, Gabe!” Sam had lunged at him and essentially smothered him in what would later be called a hug.

Gabriel was drunk but not drunk enough to forget the fact that when the hug ended, Sam leaned back and then gently but quickly pressed his lips to Gabriel’s. He then proceeded to talk about their impending trip like absolutely nothing had happened, so Gabriel did the same.

Two months later, convincing mum and dad Winchester had been an ordeal; Mary Winchester was actually scarier that John. At one point Sam and John left the room to deal with a client and Mary had given Gabriel a cold stare.

She leaned in close and used her standing position to successfully make Gabriel feel intimidated “I’m not losing my youngest son how I nearly lost my husband, what’s your angle Novak? Are you one of those predatory types that gets off on young boys? Or do you get off on filling people heads up with dreams and your money?”

“Woah, back up mama bear” Gabriel stood up and made some space between them.

If Gabriel was completely honest with himself, he did find Sam extremely attractive but barring a peck on the lips (that for all Gabriel knew was probably meant to be a cheek kiss), Gabriel was sure Sam was not interested…and straight (Gabriel hadn’t even come out to his own family yet) and too young.

If Sam had been twenty or even eighteen, Gabriel might have at least flirted a bit harder but he was just barely seventeen.

Gabriel felt genuine when he informed Mary “I promise you, I will not cross that line and as far as giving him false hopes, making the trip to the uncharted islands might be good closure for Sam and for myself.”

Mary had studied him closely before nodding her consent and when Sam and John had returned, John was obviously against the idea but Sam had been ecstatic.

It took nearly three months, multiple fights with his parents about how he was delusional, and a hell of a lot of cash for Gabriel to find a suitable boat, find someone trustworthy to customise it and have it ready for the trip to the uncharted islands.

By that point, Gabriel and Sam had become even closer friends, bonding over planning the trip and and an understanding of each other's need to find their brothers. Even John and Mary Winchester didn't look at Gabriel with as much distrust as before.

They set out early on a mid-December morning with all the hope that, at the bare minimum, they were going to find out what happened to their brothers.

Chapter Text

"Uh … I’m…" Castiel had obviously died because there was no way that Dean — the handsome, loinclothed man he had been stranded with — had his hand travelling up Castiel's thigh at that moment. "Dean?"

"Cas." Dean's voice sounded deeper than normal and that little fact did not help Castiel's struggle to remain calm and unaroused. "I don’t think we shou-uuu...nggh." There was suddenly a very warm hand massaging the barely contained bulge in Castiel's pants.

Dean chuckled in an affectionate way with a squeeze to Castiel's hardening groin. "It feels like you’re definitely up for redefining how ‘nice’ blowjobs can be."

Castiel felt embarrassed by how overstimulated he was simply by the ministrations of Dean's undulating hand. Castiel's words came out broken and gasping just from the effort of not coming in his pants. "Dean… w-we shouldn’t… you’re…and I’m…"

Dean’s body went still hovering over Castiel's and his face had gotten serious. “Cas, if you tell me to stop right now, I will stop.”

Castiel let himself take a few deep breaths, told himself to stop, to get up and take a walk to... where? Castiel's brain was hazy with lust for the man in front of him... Dean was technically of age... said a small voice inside Castiel. Before he could stop himself, he had whispered, “Don’t stop," and had looked up nervously at Dean.

Castiel hadn’t even had time to prepare himself for the velvet heat that surrounded his cock. He was suddenly just made up of sensation. Dean had barely done anything and Castiel knew that what he had experienced in the past was a mediocre blowjob at best.

Dean did things with his tongue that made Castiel’s body writhe in pleasure. Before he had time to decide whether it was a good idea, Castiel had one hand pulling on Dean's hair and the other grabbing onto the blanket beneath him.

Through the cloud of lust and sensation, Castiel felt Dean's reactionary moan every time Castiel pulled his hair and it made Castiel's eyes roll back.

Castiel wished that he had actually paid attention to what Dean was doing exactly. If he was going to reciprocate (which obviously he was) he needed to know what was pleasurable. Unfortunately (or fortunately?) he was only aware of heat and pleasure and rolling waves of shivers and moans.

He lost track of how much time had passed before his lower abdomen started to get tight. He wanted to warn Dean he was about to come but all he could manage were deep grunts as Dean had grabbed his hips to encourage Castiel to fuck Dean's mouth.

Then everything went white and blinding and Castiel could hear a scream of pleasure which on closer inspection had come from his own mouth.

When the pleasure and blindness ebbed, Castiel opened his eyes to find Dean staring down at him with a worried expression. "Cas, did I kill you with an orgasm?" Dean asked obviously trying to lighten the mood.

And how right he was because for a moment there Castiel thought he might have died. He probably could have and it would've been a pretty good way to go too.

Castiel had to force his sluggish limbs to comply with shrugging. "It was ok," he said as nonchalantly as he could muster. He looked up at Dean with a cheeky smile.

"Oh really? Just ok? Because that last scream at the end and the massive load you shot out into my mouth would call you a dirty liar." Dean raised an eyebrow.

Castiel felt one of his big gummy smiles make an appearance — the kind that only came out when he was too tired or too drunk to school it into a normal smile. Which was apt considering he felt both drunk and pleasantly tired.

"Um do you mind if I..." Dean had a blush over his nose and cheeks that Castiel could just make out in the dim light from moon outside. Dean looked down at himself, drawing Castiel's gaze down to Dean's groin. He couldn't quite see anything in detail but he was pretty sure this was the moment that he was supposed to reciprocate.

"Oh." Castiel's eyes widened and his stomach fluttered because touching Dean would probably kill him but in the time it took for Castiel to finally reach for Dean, the younger man had already gotten a firm hold of himself and started to jack himself off at a lightning speed. Less than a minute had passed before Dean's breathing had gotten erratic and was gently thrusting into the air with his eyes closed and small gasps escaping his lips.

He was beautiful. If Castiel hadn't just come moments before, seeing Dean like that would have done the job. Castiel filed the image of a debauched Dean in his mind for later in case their tryst was going to be a one off.

With a final grunt and a moan, Dean came into his own hand and slumped down to lay near Castiel, although apparently not on purpose, rather he just let himself fall wherever was free.

The next few minutes were as torturous as they were peaceful.

Castiel wasn't sure what he was supposed to do.

With women, he knew more often than not, there was at least a little cuddling after anything sexual (which if Castiel was being honest with himself, would have been nice at that moment) but he was completely clueless what men were supposed to do.

He thought maybe talking would be the best way to break the tension. "Uh..."

"Good hustle," Dean said as he patted Castiel's thigh before Castiel could even begin a sentence.

Castiel could tell in the darkness of the small tent that Dean had crawled over the small space to his bed and had laid down facing away from Castiel.

Castiel felt extremely sick in that moment. He cleaned himself off with an edge of the blanket and turned his body away from Dean.

What if Dean was already regretting what had just happened? Had Castiel pushed him in any way? Was Dean disgusted with their age gap? Those questions and others didn't allow him to get a second of sleep that night and by morning he was sleep deprived enough to think that creating a boat out of one of the walls of the bungalow would be a good enough way to escape the inevitable awkwardness that was going to pass between Dean and him.

However, when Dean woke up the next morning things were... normal. Dean talked as if nothing had happened and proposed a plan for the day just like he usually did when Castiel woke up each morning.

While Castiel felt and probably looked like a sack of reheated crap, Dean woke up refreshed and rosy cheeked. For a minute Castiel's sleep deprived brain tried to convince him that Dean was in fact a succubus, that had obviously gained strength through sexual activity.

"Woah, you look like crap, are you ok?" Dean asked obviously having finally actually looked at Castiel.

"I'm fine, just couldn't sleep."

"Oh," a worried expression flitted across Dean's face but was then replaced again with his happy demeanor. "Stay in bed for a bit, I'll make breakfast." Dean flashed Castiel one of his brightest smiles and Castiel felt that all too present flutter in his stomach.

"Thank you, Dean."

"My pleasure." Castiel thought he heard Dean say, but he could have imagined it as somehow he fell asleep almost immediately after shutting his eyes.

Chapter 12 - Body Language

Life on the island returned to normal after they got back from the lake... for a about a week.

Neither of them mentioned what had happened although Castiel noticed Dean become more physical, nothing obvious at first but definitely lingering touches and "friendly pats" that were not part of their friendship before.

Castiel thought he was imagining things at first but as the touches lingered and pats turned into little open handed ass taps, even Castiel could tell that Dean had been flirting.

One afternoon, Castiel had begged Dean to let him refresh the HELP sign on top of the bungalow, more because the alternative was Dean teaching him how to fish which terrified Castiel. Not because he thought he'd be bad at it — even though that was a very real possibility — but more because he'd developed a bit of a fear of the open water. The thought of going anywhere near it made Castiel gag a little, so he had been putting the fishing lesson off for a few days.

In all the time he had been on the island, he hadn’t gone into the open water, despite being surrounded by it. Dean had understood and not been put out by him being the only one who would go out to the water to hunt for fish or other seafood but he mistakenly thought it was because Castiel couldn't fish instead of Castiel having recurring nightmares about the expansive open seas turning black and engulfing him.

Dean had finally agreed to Castiel refreshing the HELP sign on the condition he would only go up there when Dean was around as he wanted to make sure Castiel wasn't going to fall through the rough slats.

Castiel agreed and he spent the afternoon outlining the letters as Dean kept him company on the side leaning over the makeshift ladder.

It took Castiel two hours to finish painting the letters with the sticky black paste Dean made especially for that purpose. Dean had jokingly begun to complain that he was hungry and that he could have finished the job in half the time.

Castiel had playfully thrown some of the 'paint' at Dean which had just barely missed and from that moment a paint war had erupted trailing down the ladder and onto the beach.

Castiel stumbled over a rock covered in sand, and Dean being close behind fell right on top of him. In a normal situation it would be assumed that the person who fell last would get up but Dean didn't. He lingered and for a crazy moment Castiel thought that he might even kiss him.

After a long moment Dean finally spoke. "Well I think that's probably enough of this chick flick moment." He grinned and made to get up but Castiel's instincts kicked in and his arms shot up to grab Dean's hips and pulled him down a little as he let his own hips buck up so their barely clothes groins created some friction.

Dean made a hissing noise and chuckled. "Nothing screams 'chick flick' like two guys rubbing their cocks together."

Castiel surprised himself with a burst of laughter that turned into a moan as Dean ground down onto Castiel with sinful intentions, creating more delicious friction.

Dean's weight on top of him felt amazing, it was nothing like the soft light weight of a woman, not that many of the women Castiel had been with had even gotten on top of him. Most of the time it had been him on top in the missionary position and although technically what was happening with Dean's at that moment was missionary, the fact that Dean was very much man-shaped was setting Castiel's blood on fire.

Castiel opened his eyes, not even realising he'd closed them, and was met with Dean smiling down at him, still relentlessly dry humping the life out of him.

"What?" Castiel asked self consciously.

Dean had been holding himself up with his palms down on the sand but with Castiel's question he lowered himself onto his elbows which brought his very full lips closer to Castiel's.

"You start making some pretty adorable gasping noises when you're getting into it." Dean looked at him like he was a thirsty man in front of a waterfall, and Castiel was disoriented by the feeling of someone ten years younger than him making him feel innocent and young.

Castiel lowered his gaze because that's something he had never been told before. In fact he remembered Daphne once telling him to be quiet when he had started letting himself enjoy sex with her. She told him she didn't want anyone walking by her apartment thinking she was whore.

Castiel was pleasantly brought out of his not so fond memories by Dean shifting his body downwards. Castiel, although becoming excited again at the prospect of what was about to happen, did also feel a twinge of disappointment at the fact they weren't going to kiss.

After another brain melting blow job and Dean spilling over Castiel's stomach again, they lay on the beach getting their breath back.

Castiel had almost built enough courage up to ask Dean what exactly was going on between them when Dean got up and offered his hand help Castiel up.

"We should get dinner started," Dean said with shy smile.

All Castiel could do was nod and stare up to Dean's shimmering green eyes that had seemingly gotten brighter with the orgasm.

The next couple of weeks felt like one long satisfying blow job. It felt like Castiel was a teen again… or at least what teens that had their sexuality sorted would probably feel like.

Dean was amazing and Castiel definitely understood why describing a blow job as ‘nice’ was completely inadequate when describing a mind blowing one.

Castiel started to feel guilty though, he wanted to reciprocate but his awkwardness kept getting the better of him and he’d pretend he wasn’t reaching for Dean’s groin if Dean noticed his wandering hands.

Something else that worried Castiel about their new arrangement was that they weren’t kissing or holding hands or even acknowledging what was going on. Which Castiel supposed he was okay with; it confirmed his suspicions that Dean was starved for attention and needed to feel close to someone on a primal level. Unfortunately everyday they spent together made Castiel fall deeper and deeper in love with Dean.

He had become very aware every blow job was instigated by Dean, not that Castiel was complaining. The younger man had an insatiable libido which meant Castiel didn’t get a chance to instigate anything before Dean was gently pushing him down on one of their beds, the floor, against a tree and then engulfing Castiel’s dick. Dean was amazing.

It wasn’t just the fact that Dean was ridiculously handsome either (although that was nice) or that he was so sexually liberated (which was very nice) it was everything about Dean: his courage, his generosity, his corny but endearing sense of humor. Castiel knew he was gone, which made the strictly blow job arrangement very inconvenient. The sudden thought that he may never get to touch Dean lead Castiel to be daring one day after a particularly mind melting Dean special.

Dean was finishing himself off to one side when Castiel reached out and took a firm grip of Dean's hard pulsing cock.

"Uh... Cas what are you doing?" Dean asked breathily.

Castiel looked up at Dean's flushed face and shrugged "Returning the favor?"

"You don’t have t..." a little breathy moan escaped Dean’s swollen lips that Castiel oh so wanted to devour.

He leaned into Dean's side without losing the rhythm of his hand sliding up and down Dean's cock. "I’ll stop if you want me to," he breathed into Dean’s ear trying to sound as assertive as Dean had at the lake.

Dean shook his head and held on to Castiel’s shoulder, which sparked a thick wave of lust through Castiel. With Dean’s heavy breathing as his soundtrack, Castiel precariously slid down Dean’s body, wanting to kiss every inch of skin he passed but not daring to break the spell they were both in.

Dean reached for the tie that held his loincloth together and untied it. As the cloth dropped away, Castiel was rewarded with seeing Dean’s cock close up for the first time. It stood proudly hard and swollen on Dean’s stomach, dripping precome and visibly throbbing.

Castiel had never been overcome with the feeling of wanting a cock in his mouth so much than at that moment. His mouth actually watered and although slightly embarrassing, Castiel felt liberated. He licked a long stripe from balls to tip and dipped his pointed tongue into the slit, which triggered another stream of free flowing precome and a sharp hiss from Dean.

The reaction encouraged Castiel, and he started to lightly suck on the tip, dipping his tongue underneath the head in quick swipes. Dean grabbed at Castiel’s hair as he emitted a low rumble in response.

The slight pull of his hair set another fire burning low in Castiel’s stomach and even though he had just orgasmed, his cock twitched in a valiant effort to join in again.

Castiel enveloped Dean’s cock as deeply as he thought he could without embarrassing himself by choking. Dean’s hips jumped up as he moaned what sounded like Castiel’s name.

Castiel looked up in time to see Dean pass his hand down his own face revealing a lopsided grin. "You’ve been holding out on me, Cas. I thought you said you’d only ever received a blow job before?"

Castiel slid off Dean's cock with pop. "This is my my first time," Castiel said with a smile.

Dean's eyes widened. "No way."

Castiel nodded and Dean made a little amused noise from his throat. "Well shit."

Hand jobs were introduced into their repertoire after that moment because Castiel’s jaw ached like hell from inexperience. They still didn’t talk about it outside of those intimate moments; they still didn’t kiss or touch each other outside the unspoken arrangement, but it was good.

Their friendship was easier than any friendship or even relationship that Castiel had ever had.

Until it wasn’t. It’s not that their friendship/arrangement was hard (giggle) it was more that it became more difficult for Castiel to not hold Dean after they had exchanged intimacies, or to crawl into the other man’s bed at night for comfort.

One night, Castiel had been on the island for about 4 months (it could have been longer or less – it was hard to tell) when he woke up from a darkness dream and felt incredibly vulnerable. He wouldn't normally bother Dean with his nightmares if he could help it but he just needed to feel that there was in fact someone there with him, that the waking up hadn't been a dream, that he wasn't stuck out in dark waters in the middle of nowhere.

However as the fates would have it, Dean was already awake. More than that; by the sounds Castiel heard, Dean was in fact pleasuring himself at that moment.

Chapter Text

Dean had shut his eyes tight as he tentatively slipped a spit soaked finger into his ass. Even just the tip of his finger burned without lube and without having had any real experience with things up there before.

The trip to the lake had been at least six weeks before and although this.... whatever they had with Cas was fun and stress free, Dean really just wanted Cas to get so worked up, he'd flip Dean over and fuck him stupid. It was an odd thought really, because Dean had never been fucked stupid to know what it felt like but he knew he wanted it from Cas.

Dean had a crazy amount of time to think about himself during the three years he spent alone. Three things are very apparent to him he's definitely bi if his drunken fumblings with Benny back home are anything to go by. Second, he doesn't want to die so he can make the memory of his family proud and third, he might have an older man kink... or rather a Cas kink.

A squeeze to the head of his cock made him whimper a little too loudly and he stopped his ministrations to get a look at the older man in the handmade bed across the room. Castiel could sleep through anything apparently, Dean had initially thought it was because of the trauma of nearly drowning and dehydration, but the guy actually slept through all sorts of loud noises.

Just looking over at him made his cock twitch in his hand as his other hand worked his finger deeper into himself. He allowed himself a few small moans, but mostly he wanted the fantasy to last, that it was Cas's hands touching him and preparing him to be impaled.

Dean froze when he heard Castiel cough and then there was some shuffling followed by silence. Dean figures he was safe when, after sixty Mississippis, Castiel was still silent. Dean continued stroking himself with the added bonus of having the image of Cas's body sprawled out on his bed.

New fantasy: Dean draped over Cas thrusting deep into the older man while he lets out those breathy gasps he makes that make Dean squirm. God, he felt like such a skeeze having those fantasies about Cas but he had tried to steer their... extracurricular activities into the actual sex stage but Cas kept shying away from him and he wasn't going to push him into anything. Considering Dean was the first man he has been with, he's probably just scared.

"Dean?" Cas's deep sleep affected voice sounded a lot closer than when Dean had last looked over.

"Cas!" Apparently Dean had been closer to the finish line than he realised because just at the sound of Cas' voice, he came embarrassingly into his hand. At least he had his blanket over himself so it might have hidden the worst of it from Cas. "Um, hi Cas."

Castiel had gotten closer and sat on the edge of Dean's bed with his squinty inquisitive face. "Why... why didn't you wake me?"

"Oh shit, Cas, were you having a nightmare?" Dean reached for Cas, noticing too late that he touched Cas's taut bicep with the hand he had just jacked off with. He crinkled his nose disgusted by himself but when he looks up at Cas, the older man just looked sad.

"No... well yes, I was having a bad dream, but I mean why didn't you wake me if you were...." Dean clearly saw Castiel blushing and ducking his head. How can some one nearly ten years older than him be so fucking adorable? It's obscene.

Dean cleared his throat. "Cas, are you asking why I didn't wake you if I was horny?"

"Yes... no? I don't know..." Cas squints at him again. "Are we allowed to talk about this?" he asked in almost a whisper.

Dean snorted out a laugh. "Cas we're on a deserted island off the coast of fuck-knows-where, we can do whatever the hell we want." Dean looked at Castiel and gave him the most seductive face he could muster without going cross eyed, trying to convey that he was up for it if Cas was.

"Whatever we want?" Cas asked nervously.

"Yeah," Dean breathed out more than spoke.

"C-can I sleep in your bed tonight?" asked Cas shyly.

Ok, not what Dean had been expecting... it still could have been a sexy request but by the way Cas asked, it sounded awfully vulnerable. "Yeah... that's ok"

Cas gave him an embarrassed smile and went to get his blanket, Dean scooted over and pushed some of the leaves in the makeshift mattress around to make his bed wider. Subtly Dean used some random leaves to clean himself up quickly before Cas returned.

When Cas finally laid down next to him, it was all super awkward, they were both just staring up at the rough wooden ceiling. After what seemed a really long time, Dean couldn’t take it anymore. "Cas?"

"Hmm?"

"I think my bed might be a bit small for us to lay like this."

"Oh... " Cas sat upright and started to get out of the bed. "Ok I'll go back to my..."

"Wait! That's not what I meant... um.... look, you obviously had a bad nightmare and well, when I used to have nightmares, my mom used to just lay with me and cuddle for a bit y’know? Until I felt safe I guess..." Dean doesn't know where that little confession had come from.

"That's very sweet." Cas said sitting back down.

"Yeah..." He hadn't let himself miss his mom in a while and it made Dean's throat tighten with emotion. "Just come here."

Cas obediently laid down on Dean's bed again and Dean manhandled him onto his side.

"Dean, wha-"

"Trust me, Cas."

Dean got on his side too and shuffled closer to Cas's warm body essentially spooning the guy.

Dean was roughly the same height as Cas, if not a little bit taller, even at his age, so it made sense he would be the big spoon. His hand itched to wrap around Cas's waist but he wasn't sure if that would be too much for the adorably nerdy dude.

Ah fuck it, Dean wrapped an arm around Cas' torso and snuggled in until his face was nested into the back of Cas' neck. Dean thought he heard a sigh from Cas but he couldn't be sure because he slipped into the most restful sleep he'd had since he landed on the damn island.

---------

Cas started sleeping in Dean's bed most nights after that He'd sometimes sleep in his own bed if Dean had done particularly arduous work that required him to be able to be sprawled out on his bed, or when the tropical heat was too much. As much as he loved sleeping in Dean's bed, he did not enjoy the sweaty feeling of two overheated bodies... well not if it was the weather’s fault.

There was a night when Castiel had gone to his own bed simply out of spite, which he later felt silly for but at the time felt like the right thing to do.

Castiel had accidentally said something along the lines of "when we get rescued” or “when we get out of here" and Dean had lost it and started ranting that they were never going to get off the island and that having hope was stupid. He hadn’t been angry at Castiel per se but he was definitely ranting and talking too fast.

Something inside Castiel had snapped and he had shouted back that he would go insane if he didn't have hope, that he refused to accept he would die on that island surrounded by the darkness.

Dean had slumped down and Castiel had stormed away. That night Castiel was in his own bed by the time Dean had gotten back to the bungalow after doing God knows what after their fight.

"Cas?" Dean's voice sounded so young compared to normal and a wave of shame washed through Castiel, mixing in with the anger.

"Cas, I know you're awake," Dean said with an affectionate tone.

"I'm trying to sleep, Dean."

"In your own bed?"

"...Yes."

Dean shuffled about the bungalow before talking again. "Are you ... still mad at me?"

Castiel was about to say no to appease Dean but his anger told him to stick to his guns "...Yes."

Castiel felt Dean's body heat at his back and his body responded without his consent. It made Castiel even angrier to know that Dean had that much of an effect on him.

A small kiss to the back of his neck ripped Castiel out of his thoughts however. Dean had never kissed him... well not anywhere above the waistline.

"Dean what are y-"

"I'm sorry, I just..." Dean sighed so deeply it felt like it came from his soul. "I just... we don't have it so bad here, right?"

Castiel closed his eyes and his anger was abruptly replaced by sadness, because of course Dean thought Castiel wanted to leave him.

"Dean, I want us both to be rescued and I want to know that we'll both be alive tomorrow and I want... I want to not be anywhere near so much water," Castiel whispered the last bit.

Dean's arm slid over his waist and hugged him tight, the embrace helped soothe Castiel's nerves an alarming amount.

"Cas... look at me" Dean's breathe at his ear made Castiel shiver.

Castiel turned to face Dean. Dean was looking back at him with an expression Castiel didn't think he'd seen before.

Before Castiel had time to contemplate what the look meant, Dean had pressed their lips together.

There were a few seconds where Castiel was so shocked he didn't kiss back and Dean started to pull back, but Castiel couldn't let that happen. He wrapped his arms around Dean's neck and pulled him in for a deeper kiss.

Castiel felt Dean smile against his lips and he felt his stomach explode in fluttering at the thought that Dean was happy to be kissing him.

They spent an undetermined amount of time kissing and exploring each other. Castiel's hands had travelled down to give Dean's ass a squeeze before their kissing turned passionate. Not frenzied like usual but slower and with emotions.

Dean moved on top of Castiel and managed to free their cocks from their respective cloth prisons, starting to jack both cocks in one of his hands.

Castiel was assaulted with the pleasure of feeling another silky,hard cock rubbing against his own and when they both started to leak precome, a whole new world of pleasure opened up to Castiel.

As Dean continued to pump them his hand around them both, he also kissed a trail down Castiel's neck and dedicated equal time to Castiel's nipples, which Castiel had never realised were so sensitive.

Through waves of lust and pleasure and want, Castiel felt Dean thrusting their cocks together and it almost felt like they were having actual sex. The realisation made the heat in his stomach explode and he came more forcefully than normal all over their stomachs.

Just a few thrusts later and Dean's spend was joining the mess on their stomachs.

Dean let himself fall forward on top of Castiel with a grin on his face. "Mmm that was nice," he sighed into Castiel's neck. After some satisfied silence Dean had spoken again. "Come back to the bed," he whispered sleepily as he nuzzled Castiel's ear.

Castiel tried to hide his smile as he nodded, because it was pretty dang heart warming that Dean referred to his bed as 'the' bed — like it was the only one they should be sleeping in.

They sluggishly got up from the smaller bed,cleaned as best they could and Dean rolled onto the bed.

Castiel slipped into the space Dean had made for him and automatically the younger man wrapped around Castiel like an octopus before softly kissing him a couple of times on the back of the neck.

It was everything Castiel had wanted from Dean from the moment he knew he liked him but something sat heavily on his chest — free will.

How much of the closeness they had could be attributed to Dean being alone for so long and Castiel feeling oppressed? If they had met 'in the real world' would they have given each other a second glance? Would Dean have thought Castiel a pervert if he'd checked him out? He also hadn't forgotten that Dean had basically told him his hope of getting off the island was stupid. Deep down Castiel hoped that his family were looking for him, he could understand why Dean didn't want to hope, because his family had died, but Castiel's family was still out there and cared for him... well, Gabriel did.

Castiel was alone with his dark thoughts for what seemed like a really long time until Dean's voice cut through the darkness.

"We should go to the lake again tomorrow," he slurred next to Castiel's ear.

Castiel smiled because, despite his worried thoughts, he was happy to be there with Dean. "Yeah, I'd like that."

Chapter Text

The walk to the lake was an infinite amount less awkward and tiring than the last time.

For one, Castiel was much stronger and could enjoy the walk instead of just survive it.

The other pleasant aspect was being able to talk to Dean on the way there; they had been on the island together close to six months according to Castiel's inner calendar and they had never run out of things to say. It felt like they were always trying to catch up on each other's histories. They knew the names of each other’s families and friends. Castiel felt attachment to all of Dean's loved ones except for Benny - Mostly because Dean talked about his friend with so much affection. Castiel felt silly for feeling jealous about some kid he will probably never meet... but that jealousy was very real nonetheless.

There was an added level of flirting this time around too that had Castiel smiling too much and Dean blushing too much.

Castiel had long ditched his shirt vest combo and was wearing only his shorts for modesty, even though they were so worn down they resembled booty shorts more than anything.

"I like them," Dean had said with a huge grin, before they had left for the lake.

Castiel hadn't been convinced he didn't look like an overgrown three dollar hooker but they were easier to move in and he was honest enough to admit to himself that he would keep wearing them if Dean kept looking at him as if he was going to pounce any moment.

Before Castiel knew it, they had reached the lake and it looked just as magical as it did the first time. The air even seemed fresher and Castiel inhaled deeply before assisting Dean with setting up camp.

"How sick were you the last time?" Dean asked thoughtfully while he dug a small fire pit.

Castiel raised an eyebrow at Dean, ready to defend that he wasn't sick but decided last second there wasn't any reason to be defensive. "I think I passed out when we finally got here, and I was dizzy the whole way... I was trying to be a hero but I'm not entirely sure why." Castiel chuckled at the absurdity of trying to act tough with only Dean as his company, when the younger man wouldn't have judged him.

"You thought I was angry at you." Dean said a little too casually.

Castiel shrugged in amusement. "Yeah that too," he mumbled.

Dean finished digging the pit with a smile and a whistle and walked toward where Castiel was sitting.

Castiel thought Dean was going to say something cheeky but instead the younger man leaned in and kissed him gently for a few seconds then continued talking about what else needed to be set up.

Castiel was left frozen, crouching near the newly dug fire pit, unsure if he'd imagined the kiss ... but his buzzing lips were definitely evidence of... something.

Dean had never acknowledged their arrangement outside of them both being post orgasmic.
They had only kissed for the first time the night before, granted they kissed for a long time...

Castiel was ecstatic but still felt guilty. Dean deserved more than Castiel, he deserved to go out on dates with prom queens and whatever else normal kids do.

Dean shouldn't have to settle for a nearly thirty year old man that had failed to please all his previous partners.

Castiel would never deserve Dean.

"Woah, you look deep in thought there Cas? You ok?"

Castiel shook himself out of the void his brain had dug him into. "Y-yeah."

"Ok... I don't believe you for a second but I'm willing to let it go if you would be so kind as to join me in the lake." Dean gestured toward the lake like he was a model on Wheel of Fortune and it made Castiel chuckle for a moment.

He was going to suggest they wait a bit before going into the lake when he saw Dean pull a thread from his loincloth and the light piece of fabric fell to the ground - leaving Dean gloriously naked.

The sight of Dean's cock in any context made Castiel want to drop to his knees and worship it. It had a become a Pavlovian response that pushed out any other doubt he had and he stood to join Dean.

The rest of the afternoon was spent, what can only be described as, frolicking in the lake. Everything was more hands on than last time and there was no mistaking when Dean became aroused at one point. Except this time, they made out and rubbed up against each other teasingly.

The messed up situation aside, Castiel was really happy spending time with Dean, he felt like a completely different person to the one that had washed up on the shore or agreed to go on that stupid cruise. Physically stronger, more decisive, happier, he was sure of who he was and what he wanted. Castiel wondered if his family would recognise him when they were rescued.

After their wrestling in the lake Castiel took off his shorts and laid them next to the fire to dry (Castiel was very aware that his sudden nudity made Dean nearly burn himself serving their dinner. Castiel pretended not to notice.) After a delicious stew Dean had made, Castiel spread out one of their blankets on the ground near the fire and laid down feeling completely content.

Dean leaned against him almost immediately for a filthy kiss that said everything about the younger man's intention. He tried to straddle Castiel but Castiel was having none of that - he flipped Dean on his back and made himself space between the beautifully freckled thighs.

"Well, hi there." Dean grinned up at him and Castiel felt his body get warm at the pure affection Dean’s eyes were conveying at that moment.

Castiel smiled down at Dean and then leaned in for another filthy kiss accompanied by their unclothed cocks sliding together, creating a slight burn before the precome kicked in.

As the friction became maddening, Castiel's instincts took over and he held Dean's legs up so Dean's knees bent up toward his own head, essentially bending him in half.

The dry humping from the day before had been filthily delicious, but this moment at the lake was threatening to make Castiel come much quicker than he wanted. On a particularly enthusiastic thrust, Castiel's cock slid down and jabbed Dean just under his balls making Dean gasp and then pull Castiel down so they were eye to eye.

"Fuck me, Cas," Dean practically growled.

"Dean..." Castiel moaned.

"Please, fuck me until my eyes roll back in pleasure from just your cock," Dean breathed into Castiel's ear.

There was absolutely no way in heaven nor hell that Castiel was NOT going to come from hearing Dean say those things to him.

So he came, Dean following moments after.

Castiel rolled over off of Dean and tried to catch his breath, only realising after the fact that he had been thrusting as hard as if he was actually inside Dean.

The thought made Castiel shiver because Dean saying he wanted Castiel to fuck him was both the hottest and the most concerning things the younger man had ever said. Concerning, because what if Dean was just horny and would regret them having actual sex?

Then of course there was the practicalities of having sex with a man on a deserted island. They could only get so far with their own precome... and saliva didn't seem like a sufficient lubricant.

"You're thinking awfully hard there, Cas. I must not've done my job right if your brain is still functioning." Dean rolled over and nuzzled Castiel's scruffy neck.

Castiel genuinely smiled despite his insecurities. "Careful Dean, people might think we're cuddling," he said teasingly.

Dean shrugged a little and then rested his head on Castiel's shoulder. "Cas?"

"Hmm?" Castiel's eyes had gotten heavy but he wrapped his arm around Dean's shoulder and gave him a light squeeze.

Dean continued "I want you to have something.” Dean shuffled around with something nearby and turned back with the small model Impala, that usually stayed with Dean's family portrait, in his hands.

“That's your Impala Dean, I can't take that.” And he couldn't? Even though the butterflies in his stomach were going crazy at the idea that Dean wanted to gift him something that meant so much.

“Look, it's dumb ok, but this little car with its missing wheel and thinning paint is what I used to hold onto when I was little and had nightmares; my two security blankets were my mom and Baby.” With the last word he held out the model car for Castiel to take.

Castiel took it gently and smiled at Dean because it was honestly the most thoughtful present anyone had ever given him.

Dean smiled back and manoeuvred them back to their previous positions. ”I think it's my birthday sometime soon," Dean said like he'd only just realised.

Cas wrapped his arms more tightly around Dean. "What are you going to want? I hear I'm getting pretty good at blow jobs." Castiel opened an eye to see Dean's reaction.

The younger man smiled and blushed a little. "I've heard that too." Castiel felt Dean’s smile on his shoulder. "Although that would be awesome, I have something uh, a little different in mind."

Castiel opened both eyes when he heard Dean's hesitation. "Oh?"

"Yeah." Dean turned around to face Castiel. "Maybe we could um..." Dean took a deep breath and said the rest of his sentence in a rush. "Maybe you could fuck me?"

"Oh."

Dean was up straddling Castiel in second talking excitedly all the while. "Please Cas? We've done practically everything else, I just want to, um, feel you y'know? And, um, it's not like you can get me pregnant," Dean shrugged with a hopeful look on his face.

Castiel knew that Dean was trying to bring humour to the conversation as he usually did but he felt his own anxiety spiking at the prospect of Dean only wanting him because there was no other choice, at the thought that Dean would be imagining someone else while Castiel was inside of him.

Castiel's stomach rolled uneasily. "Uh, let me think about it?"

Dean sighed and dropped himself down on Castiel's chest with a defeated humph.
"I just don't get why you don't want to. I'm practically begging you here and you..." Dean sighed again and looked up at Castiel. "Is it me? Have I pushed you into this? Oh god! Have you not wanted any of this?!" Dean sat up with wide eyes.

"No, Dean, calm down, it’s not like that at all... in fact it's kind of the contrary?" Castiel ran a soft hand down Dean's freckled shoulder to calm him.

Dean, however, had a look of slightly angry confusion. "What?"

It was Castiel's turn to sigh. "I'm older, and I mean, I don't have any experience in any of this but – Dean you've been here a long time by yourself. Your decision to be with me could be marred by your isolation."

Dean's eyes slitted in an expression Castiel had never seen before. "You're saying I don't know what I want because I'm a stupid lonely kid? Awesome Cas, way to make a guy feel special." Dean partially turned away from Castiel.

"No, I'm not saying that at all! I just..." An exasperated sound escaped Castiel but he thought of a way he could explain it. "Dean, you used to date girls, right?"

Dean shrugged hesitantly but with a glare that cut through Castiel like a rusty hacksaw.

Castiel spoke in a soft voice so as not to upset Dean further. "So, what if the only reason you're attracted to me here and now is because you've got no other choice?"

Dean huffed in annoyance. "Firstly – I did do stuff with Benny, so I'm not just experimenting or whatever, I just never told you so you wouldn't think I was some kind of man whore." Castiel physically felt himself wince at the thought he had been right and that there had been something between Dean and Benny.

Dean didn't let Castiel finish his thought however because he continued to to talk with anger in his voice. "Secondly, if you really thought that, then what does that make you? A sleazy old guy taking advantage?"

Castiel cringed because it was one thing to have that thought bounce around in his own brain and COMPLETELY another to have Dean say it with so much venom lacing his voice.

Castiel looked away trying not think of anything. "Yes… I guess I'm the villain of the piece."

"Ugh, don't give me that victim bullshit, Cas." Dean made a defeated noise again and closed the gap between them without touching Castiel.

After a few minutes that sounded like Dean breathing roughly through his nose, the younger man spoke with a softer voice. "I'm sorry, ok? You're not a sleazy old guy, I just… after everything we've done and the things I've told you I can't believe that you think I'm just a dumb kid that can't process this."

Castiel sighed in defeat as well and pulled Dean closer to him. Much to Castiel's relief, there was little to no resistance from Dean. "It's not that Dean. I know how amazing you are – no dumb kid could have survived as long or as well as you have, but me being here..." Castiel didn't know how to express his insecurities and in a moment of desperation he said something frustratingly stupid. "What if it had been someone else that got stranded with you?"

Dean had the dark expression on his face again. "What? Like would I have wanted them to fuck me if it had been someone else? Well if that's not calling me a whore, I don't know what is."

Castiel wanted to shut up or say something that would make Dean understand. Instead, he said another stupid thing. "No, that’s not what I- Dean, what if when we get rescued, you regret this or feel like you had no other choice because I was the only person you had come into contact with in three years?"

"When we get rescued?!" Dean laughed bitterly before raising his voice more. "WE’RE NEVER GETTING RESCUED CAS!"

To Castiel's horror, surprise and utter disbelief, a familiar yet surreal voice sounded to his left that belonged to neither himself or Dean.

"I, uh, hope everyone appreciates that I could be making a joke about how awesome our timing is but I can see the audience will not be welcoming of my wit." Gabriel's voice floated in the air and Castiel, although seeing his brother only a few feet away in the complete incongruity of the trees around him made him happy, became really scared that he had finally lost his mind.

Chapter Text

"Gabe?" Castiel felt his voice scratch all the way up his throat.

"In the flesh Cassie... Speaking of flesh, I’d really like to hug you right now but I would prefer your junk not be in open air when that happens, can we arrange that?" Gabriel eyes darted toward Dean, back to Castiel for a moment and then away.

Castiel looked down at himself and it was like six months of shame crashed down on him. He reached for the cut off shorts that were close by and looked over at Dean.

Dean wasn't moving, his eyes were fixed on Gabriel and Castiel saw a single tear roll down his perfectly chiseled cheek.

"Dean?" Castiel asked softly. When a few seconds passed without a response, Castiel tried again but reached out to gently place his hand on Dean's bare shoulder "Dean? Are you ok?"

Dean’s eyes snapped up to meet Castiel's. "Cas... is... is this real?" Dean asked in such a broken voice that Castiel grabbed the blanket they were laying on and draped it over Dean's shoulders gingerly. “Yes, Dean, that's my brother Gabriel. He's here to rescue us. Gabriel this is Dean.”

"Shit..." Gabriel nervously looked over his shoulder, then turned back around to look at Dean. "Dean Winchester?" his older brother asked cautiously.

Dean flinched and looked up at Gabriel as if in a haze. "Y-yeah?"

Gabriel looked back at the trees and Castiel was about to ask him if they were in danger before his brother took a step forward and spoke again. "As in your brother is Sam Winchester, your dad is John and your mother is Mary?"

Dean pulled the blanket around himself like it was going to protect him or like he suddenly felt exposed. "How-"

"Gabe did you find any- DEAN!!!"

A tall but young looking man came walking through the trees and lunged at Dean. Castiel's initial response was to protect Dean, but Dean lunged right back. “Sam..." Dean's voice was garbled and choked but Castiel heard. As he watched the brothers hug he felt someone touch his arm and looked over to see Gabriel looking much older than Castiel remembered, but his expression was so innocent and hesitant.

His brother had saved him.

Castiel hugged Gabriel with all his might and felt Gabriel hug him right back with equal fervour.

"We should head back, we’re losing light and we could be back home by dinner," came Sam's voice from Castiel's left.

Having spent so much time with Dean, Castiel's ears were trained to hear Dean's voice and heard him ask Sam in a small voice, “Mom and Dad?”

"What about them?" asked Sam in confusion.

"Are they...?"

"Oh god Dean, did you think we had all died?"

"Yeah... yeah, Sammy, I did." Dean hugged Sam again and closed his eyes. He looked so small and innocent despite being the older of the two.

Sam started to lead Dean towards the clearing they had come from and silently signalled to Gabriel that it was time to go. Gabriel nodded back and looked at Castiel with a happy grin "Ready to go, little bro?"

Castiel started to look around their makeshift camp and realised they probably wouldn't need any of it. He looked at Dean who had stopped to look back and seemed to be thinking the same thing. Castiel was about to say something to him but Dean looked away and said “Let’s go, there's nothing of use here.”

Sam stared at his brother got a moment. "Ok, um what about clothes?"

Dean pulled the blanket tighter around himself and shrugged all in one motion. "I never really needed any here."

"Oh." Sam looked from Dean to Castiel and Castiel felt extremely self conscious despite having at least thirteen years on Sam. Dean's brother was big and Castiel could feel the cold stare the younger Winchester gave him, no doubt putting the pieces together of two naked men by the lake.

"We need to go get the photo from the bungalow," Dean blurted out in a sudden panic, he looked down at where he and Castiel had been laying and stared at the impala Figurine and then at Castiel.

"Ok, lead the way." Sam followed Dean as Castiel made a quick grab for the impala. Gabriel and Castiel fell back a little as , giving the other pair of brothers some privacy.

They walked back to the bungalow in a shocked, uncomfortable silence. Castiel had too many question to try and tackle when all he wanted was to get on whatever boat Gabriel and Sam had come on and leave the island and his fear of darkness behind. He didn't want to leave Dean behind though. His mind started to conjure up ideas of how they could possibly still see each other when he realised they had reached the beachfront that he had called home for six months.

When all four men were inside the bungalow, Castiel couldn't help but notice how wrong it felt, not only because the bungalow felt tiny with more bodies occupying space but also because it was his and Dean's space. It was where they slept together and touched each other.

Castiel's eyes widened when he realised Sam was staring at their bed with a mixture of emotions showcased on his young features. Castiel hadn't even thought about the fact that there was clearly one bigger, clearly slept in bed and another smaller bed with things stacked on it.

Castiel couldn't bring himself to make eye contact with Sam but he could swear he felt the younger man's eyes boring holes on the back of his neck.

Castiel had held onto the model Impala all the way from the lake and was not planning to let it go unless Dean specifically asked for it. Other than that, there wasn't anything in the bungalow that he needed to take. He would have wanted to take all of Dean's inventions because they were ingenious but he was very conscious of his brother and Sam watching them.

Dean had looked around, but the only thing he had picked up was the family photo and another loincloth he hardly ever used but looked more like shorts than the ones he normally wore. Castiel gave Dean privacy as he put the cloth on even though they had spent most of the day either half naked or naked with each other.

Castiel found the shirt he had turned into a vest and wordlessly offered it to Dean who seemed lost, clutching at the blanket he still had around his shoulders. Dean took it but didn't say anything or even look at Castiel as he slipped it on.

Castiel's stomach, that had been fluttering with butterflies for almost six months, now felt like it was churning and filled with black sludge. Something was wrong with Dean, but with Sam and Gabriel there, and the surrealism of the situation, Castiel couldn't bring himself to say anything.

Instead he turned to Gabriel. "Where's the boat?"

Gabriel seemed startled as if he had been caught doing something or rather watching something he shouldn’t have been privy to. It was Sam, however, that replied. "Yeah, it's just a bit further down. It might be a bit of a hike in the sand but it's not far."

Sam stared at Dean intently as if he wanted to say something but couldn't. Castiel started to walk out of the bungalow for the last time, pushing Gabriel with him. Once outside on the beach Castiel turned to his brother, who still looked like he was deep in thought. "How did…?" Castiel stopped himself before he finished because, was that the answer he really wanted first? Who really cared how they had found them. "I've got too many questions," Castiel sighed.

Gabriel reached out and placed a hand on Castiel's shoulder. "I know baby bro, let's just get you off this rock and then we can sit down and have a long chat."

Dean and Sam walked out, Dean wearing Castiel's shirt vest, the loincloth shorts and the blanket around his shoulders. It didn't look like Dean had taken anything else with him.

Sam was carrying the picture of Dean's family but nothing else as he ushered Dean out of the bungalow. "Ok, we're ready let's go."

Dean pulled the blanket tighter and walked wherever Sam lead him. Castiel ached to hug him and talk to him, but something about the way Sam looked at Castiel made him feel incredibly uncomfortable. As if Dean had realised everything they had done on the island was wrong.

The black sludge in Castiel's stomach multiplied, not only because he could feel Dean slipping away from him, but also because they were getting closer to the open water. Closer than Castiel had been in months, and his whole body felt heavy. It took every inch of his being not to throw up as they boarded a smaller boat to get to the larger one that bobbed in the distance.

The tiny boat, made that much smaller by four full grown men huddled in it, rocked dangerously around jagged rocks that Castiel had never seen from the island but seemed all too real as they all lurched every which way. Castiel hunched over and tried not think about the water and the darkness, but was failing miserably until he felt a light touch on his back.

The touch turned into a rub and Castiel snapped his eyes up to see Dean had somehow ended up next to him and was soothingly rubbing his back.

Castiel wanted to hug him, he wanted to kiss him and tell him that he was amazing and beautiful and that he was glad they had been rescued but... Dean wasn't even looking at him, he was deliberately facing away from Castiel. How could someone so lovingly soothe his nerves but be so indifferent to him at the same time?

Castiel opened his mouth to say something, but he caught Sam's eye accidentally and decided against saying anything lest he incur the wrath of Dean's six foot four bodyguard.

Castiel decided to focus instead on the warmth of the touch and made it through the extremely bumpy ride to the main boat.

The next moment Castiel was sitting on a portable cot that, even though was flimsy, still felt too extravagant to be laying on. Castiel rolled off of the cot in a haze — understanding he was no longer on the island but feeling sick because he knew he was in a moving boat.

He tumbled to the ground, appreciating the hard floor more than the too soft cot. He curled in on himself because he felt cold for the first time in months. He was about to reach up into the cot for the blanket when he felt the blanket being laid on him.

Castiel was too far gone to tell for certain but he could have sworn he heard Dean next to him on the floor say, "Goodnight, Cas."

As if by magic, Castiel fell into a deep sleep.

*******

It took them approximately thirteen hours to get from the island to mainland Mexico. Dean slept the whole time, only waking up to eat small bites of bread and to drink some water.

Castiel slept for about five hours and then the motion sickness kicked in and he spent the rest of the trip throwing up the last of the island, and hopefully some of the darkness that had been sludging around in his stomach.

He occasionally heard Sam and Gabe whispering to each other only once or twice catching his own name or Dean’s.

Castiel wondered what their brothers might think of them or the situation, were they disgusted? Were they confused? Were they disappointed that the people they had found on the island were probably not the same people they had been looking for?

Gabriel had sat with him for the last hour of the trip, explaining all the things that had to be done to the boats to make them safe for travel through rough waters and jagged rocks to reach the island.

Castiel appreciated his brother's ability to talk without pause and hugged him again because knowing at least partly what Gabe had gone through to rescue him made Castiel feel incredibly indebted to his older brother.

When they were approaching the harbour, Castiel took it upon himself to go wake Dean, and selfishly to talk to him before Sam got a chance to do it. He had been avoiding Sam at all costs due to the younger man’s ability to make him feel under a spotlight, as if every moment would give away some deep dark secret.

Castiel went down into the bowels of the boat and saw Dean laying on his side on the floor. He must have felt the cots were too soft as well.

They'd been talking non-stop for six months but twelve hours after they had left the island, Dean had only nodded at him in communication. Castiel wasn't sure if the 'goodnight' he heard before he fell asleep was real or wishful thinking. It all made Castiel paranoid and worried.

Dean turned around when he heard footsteps and sat on the cot with his legs dangling like a small child despite being anything but.

"We’ve nearly reached the mainland." Castiel's voice was much rougher than normal from the extreme amounts of throwing up he had undergone.

Dean looked up at Castiel and, if possible, the younger man looked more tired than when he had gone to sleep.

Dean looked away and Castiel instinctually got closer; he gently put his hand on Dean's elbow to get him to look at him.

"Dean..."

"Cas, just... don't, OK Just don't." Dean pulled his arm back gently, presumably to make Castiel stop touching him.

Castiel released his light grip and his hand dropped to his side.

Castiel had been right, Dean already regretted everything. The best thing to do was to let Dean go, let him be with his family, be with his friends, hell, even be with Benny. That last one made bile rise up Castiel's throat and his hands balled up into fists. But that was what was going to be good for Dean. It was what was going to help him heal.

When they got off the boat, they were met by an oily dark haired man, Castiel recognised as one of his father’s lawyers.

Gabriel excitedly told him what had happened (omitting the nakedness) the lawyer took one look at Dean and then at Castiel and made a phone call.

None of them were expecting the crowd of reporters that ambushed the small wharf as they were waiting for travel arrangements from their respective families.

Castiel briefly wondered who would have called the press if Sam and Gabe had been working alone. They were all at least clothed, Castiel and Dean having taken some of Sam's clothes so as not look strange when they got to Mexico.

It felt like only minutes of awkward silence before they were ushered towards one car with tinted windows and Sam lead Dean to another.

If Castiel had known that moment was going to be the last time he saw Dean for over six months, he liked to think he would have at least tried to hug him one last time.

He got into the dark car, seeing that Gabe was being lead to another car by a familiar security guard. When he got in he was met by an unfamiliar man in the back seat with him and his father up the front with one of their family drivers.

“Mr Roman, could you please sedate my son, he’s sick and he needs to get some rest so he can start getting better.” His father said coldly.

Castiel opened his mouth to ask what was going on when he felt a sharp pain on the side of his neck. He looked over to the man next to him only for the world to start spinning and the all too familiar darkness to begin engulfing once more.

Castiel screamed. At least he thinks he did.

Chapter Text

Dean remembered being on the island wrapped up in Castiel's arms, then in a dizzying blur — he was in his old bedroom in Kansas.

There were a few weeks after he got back to Kansas that were a mess of reporters, doctors, therapists and his family looking at him like he was broken. When Dean tried to remember everything that had happened, his head throbbed painfully.

He was home.

He had been dreaming of home for three years… and then a stupidly beautiful, older man had washed up on Dean's shore and Dean was suddenly okay with not being home. A fresh wave of guilt passed through him when he realised he had thought of home and his family less after Cas had arrived.

Dean was still confused how so much time had passed but he vaguely remembered one of the doctors that saw him saying that ‘extreme social isolation’ can make someone's perception of time distort. He guessed that it was the same thing that made him think he'd been on the island for closer to two years than three when Cas had first mentioned it.

Cas.

Dean WAS happy he was off the island. Dean was happy his family was alive and he was ecstatic that he had been reunited with them.

Dean couldn't, however, escape the feeling that Cas had broken his heart. Dean had given and offered everything of himself to Cas and Cas had... well, not thrown it in his face, but close to it.

If Dean was being completely honest with himself, he understood where Castiel had come from, but why hadn't the stupid butt understood that even though the way they met was weird and traumatising, the relationship they had built was still real.

Dean still felt a whole lot of affection for him and even though Cas made himself sound like a sleazy old guy at the end there, Dean was SURE it went beyond the physical for him too… the paranoia at the back of Dean's mind had brought up theories too though and they seemed pretty plausible. The main one was that Cas had been projecting what he was feeling onto Dean. Which meant that Castiel himself probably felt like the only reason stuff had happened between them was because they had no other choice… and that he would be the one to regret everything that happened instead of Dean.

Dean remembered turning Castiel away when they had been on the boat, not because he didn't want to be near him (because he did... a crazy and unhealthy amount) but because he was scared the older man was going to officially break up with him then and there. Dean had even been tempted to touch Cas those first few hours on the boat when they were both in the floor but all he could do was lay a blanket on him and tell him goodnight like every other night on the island.

The only thing that allowed him to sleep on that boat was the smell of Cas on the shirt he had been wearing. Sam had tried to get him to wear one of his shirts but Dean had refused, and Sam, obviously treating him like a delicate glass flower, didn't question it.

Castiel was probably already back at work, back being a big shot accountant in LA by now... getting blow jobs from eager interns wanting to get ahead or just wanted a piece of Cas because the guy was hot whichever way you looked at him.

Dean's stomach clenched at the thought of Castiel with anyone else but there was nothing to stop him. Was there? He obviously hadn't thought of Dean once since they were rescued. Dean was probably never going to see him again.

It was a completely ridiculous thought for him to travel to LA to see Cas… some kid with heart eyes wanting to see a big shot business exec or accountant or whatever it was he did... he never really talked about it.

Dean sighed and absently scratched his chest where his skin felt raw from the shirt he was wearing. Clothes in general felt unnatural all over even three months after being back.

Dean took off the shirt and slipped off the pants and chucked them to the corner of his room where his hamper usually was. He turned to see the pants make it into the hamper but the shirt just barely missed.

It was all so... normal… as if Dean had never left… like the whole thing had been a dream… or a nightmare… wet dream at the end there. Had it even happened? Had he gone crazy? Was he going to go downstairs and find that his family had never gone on a boat trip that had left Dean stranded on an island taken to the brink of madness only to be bought back to himself by a blue eyed man from LA?

A wave of nausea hit Dean like a freight train and he found himself holding onto the mattress for stability.

"Dean, I brought you your fav- Dean?" Sam had brought Dean some food on a tray.

Dean looked at his little brother who had turned into a huge ass man and said the first thing that came to mind. “I need Cas.”

"Oh, um, he's probably in LA. Um, I can see if I can get a hold of Gabe though?" Sam gingerly lowered the tray of soup and pie to the bed. "Is there anything I can do?" Sam looked at him hopefully.

"No… I mean, don't call “Gabe”, I'm fine… I'm fine… everything is just too weird sometimes." He mumbled the last part because he still felt like he was going slightly crazy.

Sam walked around the bed to Dean’s side and sat on a chair his mom sometimes sat in to keep Dean company. "Yeah, the doctor said you might feel displaced for a while, but he said it would get better if you take it slow and only do things that make you comfortable."

Sam eyed him warily. “So I guess you still feel comfortable being naked?” he asked without any real judgement.

The doctors kept telling Dean he had to keep wearing clothes to become comfortable with them again but he would take them off subconsciously when he started to feel trapped in them. He hadn't been able to go one full day with all his clothes on since he'd gotten back.

"Um, yeah, the material of the clothes was itchy… I can put stuff back on if..." Dean had started to reach for the clothes he had just thrown across the room when Sam grabbed his arm and lead him back to the bed before sitting back on the chair.

"Nah, Dean, like I said, whatever makes you comfortable. As long as you're clothed when you leave the house," Sam said with a grin.

"Yeah, I will be, don't worry I'm not going to be the neighbourhood crazy guy. That is, if I'm not already..." Dean gave Sam an apologetic smile. "Plus, you've probably seen enough of my nakedness over the last few months, huh?" Dean had said it to lighten the mood but when he looked at his brother - Sam had a nervous expression.

"Um, yeah, about that Dean...." Sam fidgeted before he spoke again which made Dean nervous. "You and Castiel."

"Sam…" Dean groaned, his family and therapist had all urged Dean to talk about Cas when he had been rescued but Dean didn't want to; everything was still too raw for Dean and he thought everyone had started to back off.

Sam, however, wasn't done. "Just… whatever happened… everything was… consensual right?"

What. The. Fuck. "Of course Sam! Jesus, what the hell? Is that what you all think?" Dean was beside himself. Yeah, Cas had rejected him in the end but Dean still felt the need to defend the guy.

Sam started talking really fast. "I'm sorry, it's just… Castiel is older than you and you hadn't interacted with anyone for three years and-"

"Jesus. It wasn't like that…" Dean sat back down on the mattress. "If anything, I think I pushed the guy into... stuff."

"Dean..." Sam's voice sounded chastising, as if it couldn't have been Dean's fault.

"No, I'm serious, he was…" Dean remembered all the shy smiles and not so subtle stares Castiel threw his way from the very beginning. “He was sweet.”

"Gabe said you guys were fighting when he found you," Sam said matter of factly.

"Oh, is that what Gabe said did he?" To hell if he wasn't going to take an opening like that and steer their conversation away from Cas.

"Yeah.... Wait, why did you say his name weird?" Sam looked at Dean more nervously than before and Dean knew he had him.

"Did I?" Dean asked nonchalantly picking invisible lint from his naked arm.

"Dean," Sam said exasperatedly.

"Hey, all I'm saying is that you're giving me a hard time for my... whatever I had with Cas, but you and Gabe seem awfully chummy too…" Dean gave his brother a smug smile.

"It's not… we’re just friends, we became friends looking for our brothers, so maybe yeah we grew quite close, but nothing y’know... sexual."

Sam said the word 'sexual' as if it was a dirty word which reminded Dean how young his brother really was. "Weren't you with that girl, Jess?"

Sam shook his head sadly. "No… she was, um, things didn't end well between us. Let's just say that I don't talk to her or my friend Brady anymore."

"Oh shit sorry, Sam. That's crap. Shit, sorry I hadn't asked earlier... I've been a little wrapped up in my own head." Dean hoped Sam knew he was actually really sorry everything seemed to be about Dean lately. He didn't want it to be but he knew his family was just worried about him.

"Yeah, I get it Dean, you don't have to apologise, but, um, yeah, nothing like that with Gabe…riel, how did we even start talking about me?" Sam stood up and started pacing.

Yup, something was definitely happening between his brother and Cas's brother. "Uh huh, look, it doesn't matter what happened with Cas… he obviously didn't… doesn't... he didn't even say goodbye." Dean hated the weakness he heard in his own voice.

Sam sat back down on the chair and crossed his arms. "The way you were acting towards him, if I were Castiel, I would have been scared to say anything to you too. I'm not defending the guy because I'm still on the fence about an older dude defiling my brother-"

"Gross, Sam."

"But… he looked seriously hurt by every single one of you rebuffs," Sam finished.

"Every one?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah, he kept trying to make eye contact with you and you would move away or turn your back on him… Gabe…riel and I were watching you guys for a bit to work out what the hell had happened, and it was like watching a teen angst rom com." Sam chuckled.

"Ugh." Dean was embarrassed by whatever their brothers had seen.

"Dean, are you sure everything that happened between the two of you was…?" Sam seemed to purposefully leave the sentence open.

"Yeah, Sam… Look, I'm only going to say this once and only to you. I… think I fell for Cas… and I'm aware that initially it was probably all those things you're all saying about how I was just glad to talk to anyone after being alone for so long. But we talked so much Sam. Like, if I had met him outside of that island and we had talked as much as we did, I still would have y'know fallen for him..."

Dean avoided Sam's eyes and cleared his throat before continuing. "But I think… I think he doesn't feel like that's enough. That's what we were fighting about that night you and Gabriel found us. And the reason I tried to avoid him was because I was scared he was going to let me down easy. I just don't think I would have survived that on top of being rescued and finding out my family was alive."

Dean blew out a huge sigh and for a moment he felt somewhat relieved that he had gotten all of that off his chest.

"Wow… I mean… wow." Sam looked like he was wrestling with something in his mind.

Dean sighed again, because might as well get all that stuff out in one go "What is it?"

"I'm not sure if I should tell you," Sam said, suddenly finding his own hands incredibly interesting.

"Well you have to tell me now… out with it." Dean put on the most big brother voice he could muster.

"I don't think you're going to see Castiel for a while," Sam mumbled.

Dean's stomach clenched. "What, why???"

Sam sighed. "I heard a snippet of conversation between Gabe…riel and his father. Castiel has been and will remain on lockdown. They don't want it to get out that he was stranded on an island with another man"

Dean was confused but at least it gave him an answer as to why he hadn't heard from Castiel. "I guess that's it then."

"But you just said-" Sam spluttered.

"I know… Sammy, I'm really tired." Dean said feigning a yawn.

Sam looked like he had more to say but Dean had actually become really tired in the last minutes of their conversation.

Sam sat up from the chair and made his way to the door. "Yeah, OK — one of us will come check on you in a few hours… Dean-" Sam stopped at the door before closing it. "If you really want to see or speak to Cas, I think between Gabe and I... we could maybe..."

"No." Dean replied sternly.

"But," Sam tried to interrupt.

"No. Castiel is a grown ass man, if he lets his family lock him down it's because he wants it. I just… I'm just going to have to focus on other things… it's not like there isn't much going on in my life…" Dean tried smiling at his not-so-little brother but by Sam's reaction he guessed it came across more like a grimace than anything positive.

"I'll be ok." He reassured Sam as his brother closed the door with a worried look plastered on his face.

'I'll be okay,' he repeated to himself.

Dean fell asleep with that mantra playing on repeat.

Chapter Text

Dean would tell himself that he didn’t want to see Castiel, and then a small voice in his head would call him a liar… because he was.

His hope however, dimmed every time the phone or the doorbell rang and it wasn't Cas.

Five months had passed since he had been back and Dean had barely left the house except for routine doctors visits. He could feel the pitying looks his parents and Sam gave him but he didn’t know what he was supposed to do with himself yet. He didn't want to admit that he was waiting for... anyone in particular.

People had wanted to visit him, they'd called his mom like everyone used to when Dean was little and his mom would look at him hopefully that it might be the day her crazy son decided to take back some of his life before the island.

But he never did. Dean felt listless and useless. On the island, he had been independent and there had always been something that needed to be done everyday.

Being back was too comfortable; if he was hungry, he could raid the pantry instead of spending a couple of hours hunting rabbits or spearing fish. If it started to rain, he didn't have to do anything, literally just sit there instead of rush around to create moats or to cover things with large palms.

He eventually started to do more around the house, feeling bad that his mom and Sam were essentially waiting on him hand and foot.

He’d begun to bake a lot, which his parents and Sam thought was a sign of healing but actually made Dean feel like he was back on the island and cooking for Cas. He’d kept that information to himself but still felt kind of guilty when everybody praises him.

He helped his mom manage her accounts for the self defence studio, even helped Sam on a case by researching for a week straight.

John Winchester was a whole different story though; he'd been distant since the day Dean had gotten home. Dean hoped it was just the usual John Winchester emotional constipation but he overheard snippets of his parent's conversation one night and Dean realised his parents knew more or less what had happened with Cas.

The thought worried him more so for his dad's sake, as John had been in the Marines and was very set in his macho man ways. His mom was probably weirded out by it but would get use to it... that is, if Dean asked her to.

Dean also wondered how they found out as Sam hadn't mentioned anything, only to discover that they were still being harangued by reporters with “new information”.

In the scheme of things, it didn't really matter because he was obviously never going to see Cas again... if his parents asked he could shrug and say it was a one time thing.

Dean's stomach churned at the thought that he could be right.

One afternoon, as Dean played Risk with Sam (his brother had gotten better and it was killing Dean that it was such a close game) the phone rang and Dean was unable to stop himself from looking up hopefully when John answered the phone.

"Hey Bobby, no I’m not busy, what do'ya need?" His dad's voice echoed from the kitchen.

Dean slumped back in his chair and sighed heavily.

"Honey, Lisa called for you again today, maybe you should meet up and spend some time with old friends?" chimed in his mom hopefully, no doubt having seen Dean's disappointment about the phone call.

Sam was packing up the Risk tiles. "Is Lisa the one who’s dad owns the big farmlands outside of town?"

"I think so," Mary replied thoughtfully.

"A farmland heiress, get in there Dean," John said returning from the kitchen.

If Dean hadn't known his parents knew about Cas, he would have taken his dad's remark as almost jovial but he could see through the cracks - his dad wanted him to be 'normal'.

"John," Mary chastised with a smile.

Dean realised everyone was looking at him for a response. "Um… maybe some other time… I don’t think I can keep up with her yoga touchy feely energy stuff at the moment." He’d looked his friends up on social media a few weeks after he’d gotten back but felt like he didn’t recognise any of them.

Dean cleared his throat for the next part though. "Um, but is Benny still in town?" Benny was always so against technology that it was no surprise he didn’t have a virtual presence.

John and Mary shared a quick telling look as John spoke up with disappointment in his voice. "Yeah he’s working at the gumbo shack in town; apparently he’s doing well there."

"He gave up college for that place so he better hope it stays profitable," Mary commented, ever the practical one of the family.

"I um… might pay him a visit… can I borrow the truck, Dad?" Dean didn't see their reactions, preferring to pick up the Risk box and put it back into the cupboard with the rest of the board games.

When he turned around, three pairs of eye were trained on him.

Sam broke the tension. "I can drive you, Dean; I need to pick some stuff up from the post office anyway."

Dean wondered if everyone was surprised he was voluntarily going to go meet up with someone. Or maybe they were shocked that he wanted to meet up with Benny. Or maybe they thought he was going to cause a fuss about driving himself. "Ok," he shrugged casually.

As they were walking out to the porch, John had put his arm around Dean as Mary did the same with Sam just out of earshot. “Dean, Bobby wants to offer you part time work at the scrapyard until you... decide what to do…" The pause in his dad's speech spoke volumes about John's need for Dean to be 'normal' again and how he probably didn't understand why Dean wasn't at that point yet. "Is that something that would interest you?"

Dean considered the opportunity for a moment and realised that it was actually a really good idea. Bobby hated people and lived almost as a hermit amongst all the scrap metal. "Yeah… yeah I think so, I’ll call Uncle Bobby when I get back."

"Atta boy." John slapped Dean on the back and gently pushed him out to where Sam was waiting by the car and Mary approached with a tight hug and a 'be safe'.

When both John and Mary had gone back into the house Dean looked at his brother who seemed to be deep in thought. "Wanna talk about it?" Dean asked.

Sam looked like he had been shocked back into reality. "Talk about what?"

Dean smirked. "Whatever has you leaning against the truck window like a pensive boy band singer."

Sam laughed and rolled his eyes as he made his way to the driver’s side of the truck. "Shut up, jerk."

"Bitch," Dean replied automatically with a big grin. He had missed his little brother a crazy amount.

They were driving down one of the dirt roads leading to town when Dean spoke without really meaning to. "What did you do after Jess left?

Sam lowered the volume of his crappy frat rock station. "What do you mean?"

Dean purposefully stared out the window. "Like what did you do to take your mind off… the um…"

"Heartbreak?" Sam finished.

Dean shrugged.

Sam cleared his throat. "Well... I drowned my sorrows a couple of times which I regret…. I kind of just went into full study mode before I decided to defer the year... I don’t know, I was just generally miserable for a while and then… I started to meet new people and focus on other things."

Dean slyly looked over at his brother. "That didn’t happen to coincide with when you met Gaaaaabe."

Sam blushed and he didn't say anything.

Dean was actually surprised he'd been right. "Wait, did it?"

Sam breathed in deeply, as if he was about to give an epic speech. "We met around that time, yes. But it didn’t, it wasn’t the reason… He helped but..." Sam shook his head. "How do we always end up talking about me?"

Dean let out a hearty laugh and relaxed in the passenger seat.

Sam looked over and smiled. "It’s good to hear you laugh."

A part of Dean felt warm because it was really nice of his brother to say but the sarcastic side of him just couldn't resist. "Alright, let’s not ride into the sunset, Samantha."

Sam rolled his eyes again and kept driving, however after a couple of minutes he cleared his throat again. "So what you’re feeling right now is more of a broken heart than a feeling of displacement?"

Dean shrugged again. "The displacement is definitely there… but yeah… the other thing is… an issue. I just miss him…" Dean sat up and looked out the window again. "But that’s normal right? You spend every waking hour with someone over six months after not having contact with anyone for three years and something like this is bound to happen right?"

Sam gave him a commiserating smile. "Yeah… it is, Dean."

Sam looked like he was about to add something else but stopped himself last second.

Dean rolled his eyes and changed the radio station to a classic rock one. "Spit it out, Sammy."

Sam looked uncomfortable but finally said something "It’s not the reason why you’re going to see Benny, is it?"

Dean cringed. "Like as a Cas replacement?"

Sam shrugged but looked over expectantly at Dean.

"No…" Dean said resolutely. "Benny was my best friend before… everything."

"Yeah, I know but I mean you and Benny…" Sam trailed off suddenly finding the road extremely interesting.

Dean raised a questioning eyebrow at his not so little brother.

Sam sighed. "I was under the impression you and Benny were... you know, together?"

Dean scoffed. "We were never together."

"Really? But I swear I saw you guys…"

"Ew, Sam, did you perve on us?" Dean joked but actually internally cringed at the thought.

Sam served a bit in his hurry to defend himself. "No, no, no, I would never!"

An awkward silence filled the truck.

Sam sighed again. "There was a night Mom told me to get you from the shed because it was past your curfew. I went to the shed and saw... Benny on top of you."

Dean frowned because he and Benny never had real sex; that’s when Dean remembered what they would have ACTUALLY been doing and he couldn’t help but burst into laughter.

Sam looked at Dean with a worried expression. "What the hell, Dean?"

"Oh man, Sammy," Dean said wiping a tear away. “Out of all the times that Benny and I actually did stuff, you caught us when we were wrestling."

"Wrestling?" asked Sam skeptically.

"Yeah — you know, the wrestling team that both Benny and I were on for school? That wasn’t a cover for anything, we really were wrestling."

"Oh…. Wait, you said out of all the times you actually did stuff?" Sam cringed as he asked which was pretty rich considering he started that conversation.

Dean shrugged for millionth time that day. "Yeah, we did stuff… not sex-sex stuff... but stuff. It wasn't a big deal but you know what it’s like around here, you experiment a little and the whole town labels you."

Dean studied his brother's face looking for, but hoping there wouldn't be, some sort of negativity.

Sam hesitated before asking. "Why didn't you tell me you were gay?"

The title didn't fit well with Dean. "The truth is, I don’t think I am completely gay… because I still REALLY like women, but I know I like Cas quite a bit… and I know at the time I liked Benny… Han Solo is more attractive than he should be."

"OK, Dean, I get-"

"I wouldn’t say no to Dr Sexy."

"Dean –"

"I wouldn’t kick that angel from that demons show out of bed," Dean continued.

"Alright I get it!" Sam almost shouted.

Dean chuckled and poked Sam's side. "You’re so easy to gross out."

Sam’s phone tinkled with a message as Sam laughed along with his brother.

As Sam read the message with one hand, he frowned and put the phone down a little too forcefully.

"What’s up? Is it Gaaaaabe?" Dean asked with a grin.

"Yeah," Sam replied in a clipped tone.

Dean's stomach crumbled in on itself. "Oh… did um…. is it…. Cas?"

Sam, slowed down and pulled over on the empty road.

"Dean, you have to forget Cas." Sam said abruptly.

"What? Why?" Dean was so confused about what could have possibly made Sam so angry.

Sam held the steering wheel so hard his knuckles had gone white.

"That fucker is getting married next month," his brother gritted out.

Chapter Text

Dean had been numb since Sam told him Cas was going to get married.

He’d asked his brother to turn the truck around and take him home.

That night he called Bobby to accept the part time job but managed to finagle a full time one because Bobby always had a soft spot for him.

In the following weeks, Dean worked himself to the ground, he worked so much he fell into a routine of work, eat, sleep until the very day he knew Castiel was supposed to get married. He even lost his passion for cooking he had started to nurture.

He called in sick to Bobby’s expecting a fight from the grumpy old man, but he was met with none. It didn't help Dean's mood because Bobby being understanding meant he knew why Dean needed that particular day off, which made him feel pathetic.

Dean's not sure how long he stayed in his room that morning before his mom came up with some pie, he ate it but it tasted like ash in his mouth.

He thanked his mom anyway because she was looking at him like as if he was kicked puppy... again.

"Do you want to talk about it, honey?" Mary asked in her sweetest mom voice.

“Not really.” He replied as he handed her the empty pie plate.

Mary took it and placed it on the tray she had left on the floor. “Sometimes it helps, you know, to vent the soul a bit.” She said hopefully.

“I don’t really feel like…” Dean looked up at his mom who had an uncharacteristic frown on her face “Mom? What is it?"

Mary sighed “Dean honey, I’m going to have to be straight with you here. There’s a tv show that has offered a lot of money for your story. Castiel Novak is probably going to be hidden away again after his wedding, and the Novaks are all tight lipped about why Castiel hasn't been seen since you were both rescued. This show just wants to hear your side of things, seeing as you survived by yourself for all that time…” she looked up at him with a smile.

“And because everyone’s dying to know what Cas and I got up to, right?” Dean said sarcastically.

Mary gave him a tight lipped nod “I wouldn’t normally ask you to do anything like this but a lot of our savings went into trying to find you before Sam teamed up with the older Novak boy, the money they’re offering would go a long way with both yours and Sammy’s educations and your father and I building up our businesses.”

Sacrificing himself for his family was not something that Dean ever questioned but he also considered the possibility of his mom and dad disowning him if they heard the sordid details of his and Cas’s... whatever they had going on. “Mom, I don’t know...”

Mary’s eyes shone a little brighter when she realised she may be on the right track in convincing her son “Did I mention the show is run and hosted by Missouri Mosely?”

“The woman who used to babysit us when we were little?”

Mary nodded enthusiastically
“Yeah, so it would be like talking to a friend.”

He did have fond memories of Missouri, even if he always believed they didn’t really need a babysitter. She always seemed to know what he and Sam were thinking though which seemed even more terrifying as an adult with secrets. “I-“

John opened the door to his room and poked his head through “Dean, you have visitors.”

Dean was confused as to who would be visiting him considering he hadn’t actually met up with anyone since he’d gotten back and the phone calls started to lessen since. He hadn’t even gotten close to visiting Benny after the failed attempt a month previous. Benny had sent him food though, which in Benny speak meant they were ok until Dean was ready.

Cas hadn’t sent a single thing.

As Dean descended the stairs he saw two well groomed older men in expensive suits. One was short, black short hair and sporting a really smug smile while talking to John, he seemed kind of familiar but Dean couldn’t place why. The other had a pleasantly neutral bearded face with shoulder length hair. Dean had a moment of realising he might have an older men thing going on because that second one was kind of good looking.

“What a pleasure to finally meet the young Mr Winchester.” The short one said with sarcasm somehow woven into his sentence.

“Good afternoon” Mary said when Dean hadn’t replied in a respectable amount of time.

“Um... Hi.” He finally said with a cringey feeling he had made himself sound like a dumb teenager.

“Could we speak alone?” Requested the tall long haired one with utmost politeness.

Mary spoke before Dean had a chance to “Yeah, I don’t think so, we’re staying right here.” She sat down on the couch with her arms crossed.

“This pertains to a… sensitive matter.” Said the tall one.

The short one winked at Dean “Things parents shouldn’t hear about their child, I’d advise you reconsider.” He directed the last part to Mary and John.

Dean finally found his voice when he realised these men probably came courtesy of the Novak family “Something tells me that whatever either of you have to say will require witnesses, so I’d prefer if my parents stayed, thanks.”

“Not as dumb as you look.” Smirked the short one.

“And who exactly are you?” Mary’s suspicion plain on her face.

“Fergus, Fergus Crowley, and this is Cain Knight we’re lawyers on retainer for the Novak family.” Said the short one proudly.

“We’re here to offer you a substantial amount of money.” Mr Knight was talking to Dean but Dean had become distracted by the blue eyes of the older lawyer. They weren’t the right shade of blue but they were pretty.

“In return for what?” John sneered.

Mr Knight turned back to Dean to answer “Dean’s agreement that whatever did or did not happen on that island with Castiel Novak will not be discussed to any member of the media.”

“Who sent you?” Dean asked cautiously.

“The Novak family.” Mr Crowley repeated almost rolling his eyes.

“Was it Cas?” Was he that ashamed of Dean that he wanted to pay him off?

Mr Crowley seemed annoyed to stay another moment apparently “We can’t divulge such information mister Winchester, We just come bearing the contract for you to sign to keep all your dirty little secrets quiet.” Mr Crowley took the thick contract from his briefcase and dropped it onto the coffee table.

John had a sour look on his face “What are you implying about my son?”

“Only the truth.” Mr Crowley sniffed casually.

“Get the hell out of my house!” Shouted John with Mary jumping up and holding her husband’s arm back.

“I warned you,” Crowley sing songed at John, Cain remained calm as he spoke to Dean “The offer stands for three days from the moment we leave here. My contact details are on the top of the contract.”

His mother glared at both of them “I’m sorry but you both need to leave our house right now.”

“I get it.” Shrugged Mr Crowley “parents are always extremely protective of what they think their children should be, not realising what they actually are… don’t you think Dean?”

“GET OUT!” John roared.

Dean watched Mr Crowley and Mr Knight leave but something in his gut made him run outside before the only direct links to Cas rode off.

He heard his mom shout for him but he didn’t stop until he spun the tall lawyer around “Mr Knight.”

Cain Knight looked down at where Dean was holding his expensive suit jacket and Dean let go.

“Please Dean, call me Cain.” He said pleasantly, but something in his eyes showed Dean that this guy wasn’t all politeness.

“Did Castiel’s dad send you?” Dean finally asked trying but failing to keep the hope and fear out of his voice.

Mr Crowley replied instead from the other side of the car “Like I said, Not as dumb as he looks. Look kid, that amount the old Novak is willing to give you in return for keeping your mouth shut is nothing to sneeze at.”

Dean hung his head because in his determination to find out about Cas, he hadn’t even looked at the amount.

Mr Crowley continued “My advice kid? Marry a pretty cheerleader, have a brood of babies and live happily after...”

Cain caught Dean’s eye “or...”

“Or?” Repeated Dean in confusion.

Cain lowered his voice and Dean just managed to see Mr Crowley raise an eyebrow. “I know if my tastes were considered as exotic as your tastes are in Kansas I’d get the hell out of Kansas.” Cain winked at him then turned around and got into the car followed by Mr Crowley.

Leaving Kansas wouldn’t fix his issues with Cas but it would definitely make it a bit easier to work out what he wanted to do with himself.

"Have a good life, Mr Winchester." Cain said as he turn the engine on of the oversized car.

"Sign the papers." Drawled Crowley, with a bored voice.

The something important sparked in Dean’s mind, the possibility of starting anew somewhere else. Ideally with Cas, but considering that wasn’t a possibility... it didn’t sound awful and he knew Aunt Ellen lived in one of those towns in the mid west that were not as judgemental as Kansas.

Dean watched the lawyers drive away and when they were only speck of colour in the distance, he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Mom, how much more is Mr Novak offering than Missouri?” Dean looked at his mom with a pleading face.

“About fifty thousand more.” She replied softly.

Dean sighed “Mom?”

She looked him in the eyes trying to work out what he was thinking.

Dean drew in a breath and asked “How much do you love me?”

“A considerable amount more than fifty thousand.” She said with a genuine smile.

Dean hugged his mom tightly “Thanks, mom.” He said to her shoulder.

“We're going to have to talk with you dad beforehand.” Mary answered.

“Talk to me about what?” John asked from behind them.

Dean inhaled deeply “Dad, I have to tell you a few things.”

********
Being on Missouri’s show hadn't been as bad as Dean had thought it would be.

She was as soft spoken and kind as he remembered and she didn't steer or push the story in any way that made him uncomfortable. Mostly, she just wanted people to know what he had done to survive, at least for most of the show.

He’d explained the things he had made and how he had used found items on the island to survive and the audience ‘oohed and ahed on cue.

Then just when Dean thought he might be in the clear, Missouri asked him the question that had the audience visibly lean forward in interest.

“Now Dean, honey, it was highly publicised that you were found deserted on that island with Castiel Novak, son of business mogul, Roger Novak?” Missouri always had a melodic voice that made it sound like all her sentences were questions but there was n mistaking what she was getting at with that sentence.

Dean cleared his throat because he had promised his parents he’d be able to do this “Um yeah.”

Missouri nodded and smiled as if relieved “Now, if you don’t want to answer this question just let me know ok?”

Dean nodded even though he really wanted to run.

“Did you and Castiel Novak become romantically involved while you were on the island?” She asked looking straight into Dean’s eyes.

Dean exhaled because there it was, the question he was dreading and everyone else was anticipating. He was at least glad that Missouri was classy enough to call it ‘romantically involved.’

He looked out at the audience and every pair of eyes was waiting on his response. He felt himself blush so he looked down as he responded “Yeah. I guess we were.”

There was only a slight surprise from the audience presumably because it had been common knowledge they had been alone together for over six months.

“And what happened when you got back to your respective homes?” Missouri had that look on her face that Dean’s family had everyday since he got back - the one that reminded him that he was not only broken but that the only other person that would understand what he was going through had abandoned him.

“He uh didn’t try to contact me... but to be fair I didn’t try to contact him either so... yeah” Dean rubbed the back of his neck just for something to do, he started to feel extremely exposed.

“Why didn’t you try to get in contact with him?” Missouri asked with a look of genuine concern.

“Well, the ball was kind of in his court, yknow? Once I realise he was an heir to a fortune I didn’t want to come off as some gold digger or whatever.”

That was partly true, although it had crossed his mind that people might view it that way , his main reason had been pride. If Castiel hadn’t contacted him, wasn’t that a clear signal that he didn’t want Dean? He had been convinced that Castiel was going to let him down easy on the boat but he had been having doubts since his conversations with Sam. In any case, Dean was in pain but not the amounts of pain that would occur knowing for certain that Cas didn’t want him.

Missouri gently placed her hand on Dean’s which was holding onto the interview chair armrest like it was stopping him from floating away “Dean, do you still have feelings for Castiel Novak?

The audience held their breath.

So did Dean.

There was a moment of clarity in his head where there could only be one answer “Yes” he replied with confidence.

The audience collectively gasped which made Dean feel a little like he had just said something scandalous - was he wrong to still have feelings for Cas? He supposed the whole thing became more seedy with Cas probably being married at that point but just the thought of Castiel kissing or holding someone else, made Dean feel like barfing.

Dean felt like a little kid when Missouri did the weird mind reading thing she used to do “Rumour has it that he got married recently.”

Dean shrugged because a part of him still thought Castiel might have not gone through with it.

“Dean if Castiel were here, what would you want to say to him?”

“You’re not about to bring him out are you?” Said in a charming way that got a murmur of giggles from the audience. He was of course deflecting because he would run if Castiel was there, it was embarrassing enough that all this stuff was going to be televised and uploaded onto the internet but to have their reunion recorded would be too much.

Missouri huffed a small laugh “No Dean, I promise you Castiel is not here. This is about you and what your journey has been and will lead to.”

Dean squinted at her because that sounded a little too new agey for him to completely swallow but a part of him wanted to believe her somehow.

He was breathing heavier than normal because he knew what he wanted to say next but it was touch and go there whether he would let him self say it “I... I love him... I think about him all the time and I miss him and I’m pretty sure if it was that thing the doctors keep saying that I’m clinging on to the first person I saw after so much time in isolation that I would be at least losing interest by now, but I haven’t.” He finished lamely with a sigh.

Dean felt horrible, he felt weak but somehow admitting it did make him feel a little less stressed.

Missouri gave his hand a squeeze and nodded “Thank you Dean, you are very brave to admit that, we all send you the most positive of energy to overcome your heartache and to forgive the ones who have wronged you.”

The audience cheered and clapped as Dean sat there confused as hell as to what had just happened.

Twenty minutes later he sat on a chair backstage where his mom was talking to one of the producers when Missouri came and sat next to him.

“Dean honey, do you mind if I give you some off the record advice?” She sounded a bit cautious which made Dean nervous.

Dean nodded.

She took his hand again but this time between both of hers “Whatever is floating around in your head... do it. You’re on your right path. Just hold off for at least a month.”

Was she talking about his loose plans to leave Kansas? “A month? Why?”

She opened her mouth to speak but changed her mind and then decided to speak anyway “Because your fate is sometimes so entangled with someone else’s, you have to stop for a moment to let them catch up.”

“Oh... um, I’ll try?” Dean didn’t mean to make it sound like a question but Missouri was giving him mixed messages.

She squeezed his hand again and gave him a kiss on the forehead “Take care of yourself Dean Winchester.”

She can’t possibly have meant Castiel.

The thought of leaving Kansas was both exciting and terrifying. He’d barely even left his own house the last six months!

Missouri was so sure though, and it would allow Dean time to save more money. The money they had gotten for doing the show was always going to go to his family so he would have to save every cent from his pay at Bobby’s.

Dean barely slept that night but by morning he had already decided on the date he was going to leave, whether Cas showed up or not was irrelevant to his plan. Mostly.

It would have been nice though.

Chapter Text

Three weeks after his episode of Missouri’s show had aired and a week before he was supposed to talk to his parents about his plans to stay with Aunt Ellen for a while. Sam burst into his room with his phone extended for Dean to take and a worried expression on his face.

Dean took the phone without a word and Sam pressed play on the video already on the screen.

A news presenter from L.A was finishing a story about climate change when suddenly a picture of both Cas and Gabriel showed up on the top right corner of the screen.

“Castiel and Gabriel Novak, youngest sons of Business Mogul, Roger Novak have been missing since the weekend.” Read the newscaster.

“The Novak family have issued a statement offering up to one hundred thousand dollar for any information about their missing sons.

Tessa Michaels, Daughter of Roger Novak’s business partner Matt Michaels, has been questioned about their disappearance as she was the last person to see Castiel in a hotel room in Nevada. Most would have heard Castiel’s name recently from his disappearance over a year ago were he was found stranded on a desert island with a young man half his age.” Dean rolled his eyes, a lot of rumours had come about from neither family commenting on what happened even after Missouri’s show aired.

Sam paused the video “they doesn’t say anything important after that.”

Dean looked at the photo of Cas and his stomach curled with warmth even as his whole body ached to do something to help find him somehow. The words ‘Tessa’ and ‘hotel room’ made Dean’s blood boil but the need to know if Cas was ok was overpowering any other feeling. He looked up to Sam who looked just as worried as Dean felt.

“Has Gabe said anything to you these last few weeks?” Dean asked his brother hopefully.

Sam breathed in a controlled manner “He’s been really hard to get a hold of... about a month ago he said he was really worried about Cas and had me look into his father’s financials.”

“And?”

“I did and I gave Gabe all the information I found and then didn’t hear from him until Friday night when he sent me a message but when I tried to call back - the number was disconnected.”

Dean looked up from the picture of Cas again urging Sam to continue.

“The message didn’t have anything that can help us find them.” Sam said nervously.

Dean squinted at his little brother “what did it say?”

“Nothing...” Sam looked out the window “it’s personal.”

Ok. So it was some sort of love confession or a dick pic. Either way, Dean was not keen on seeing it.

“So what do we do?” Dean asked as he touched the screen to not let the photo of Cas dim out.

Sam sighed and sat down next to Dean “There’s not much we can do. I can get some of our guys to keep an eye out but Gabe has been evading PIs for most of his life.”

Both brothers sat on Dean’s bed feeling helpless and thinking about what could have been

Chapter Text

Chapter 22 I want to break free
Castiel let out of breath like if he had run all the way to Kansas from Nevada.

The last six months had been true hell for Castiel, he had been to physical and emotional hell.

Throughout the whole ordeal, Castiel had held on to the idea that Dean could still care for him. Seeing the web video of Dean proclaiming publicly that he loved Castiel was a sweet balm over all his wounds and he couldn’t help but feel optimistic that Dean would be at least a little happy to see him.

He knocked on the door of the main house but nobody answered. Castiel calmed himself down so he could think straight. Without his own heartbeat pounding in his ears he heard music in the distance.

Trespassing laws be damned - he walked around the house and toward the music.

The car yard belonged to a man named Bobby Singer who Sam claimed was like family. Gabriel and Castiel had driven for hours non stop when they’d gotten word from Kali the information Sam had acquired was enough to get their father to stop searching for them and more importantly, to stop the illegal operation his father was running overseas. Castiel had no doubt that his father would go to jail. His mother would be distraught of course, but ultimately the bulk of their money and wealth cane from her family and not from his father’s businesses.

Gabriel had called Sam as soon as they had crossed into Kansas and after what appeared to be a fight between the two, Castiel heard Gabriel whisper “you too...” so tenderly that Castiel felt uncomfortable to have heard it. Like if he had heard something that was definitely not meant for him.

He’d had his suspicions about Gabriel and Sam but due to the multiple sedations he hadn’t really thought about it until Gabriel practically beat the hotel room door down in Nevada, threatened Tessa with incriminating phone calls and rescued Castiel from the long nightmare that began as soon as they were rescued...

Castiel could still see the shy smile he rarely saw on his brother’s face as he spoke about how amazing Sam was and that if it wasn’t for him he would have never found Castiel.

Castiel owed Sam big, he figured dropping Gabriel off at his house would be enough for now as Castiel had a different Winchester to visit.

In the car yard, Castiel followed the music deeper into the car labyrinth, he rounded the corner and his heart choked his throat because jeans or not he would have recognised Dean's ass anywhere and there he was bent over an open engine slightly swaying to the beat of a rock song.

Castiel stepped closer and his footsteps crunched coarse gravel.

“Bobby, this thing is dead, I think you better tell Jody, she's going to have to-...” Dean had turned around and was staring at Castiel only a few feet away.

Castiel inhaled because seeing Dean again in such a different setting made him feel confused but good, floaty even. “Not Bobby” Castiel replied.

Dean audibly swallowed “Yeah... I see that.”

Castiel took a step forward “Dean I-“

Dean stepped back a little “How's your wife, Cas?”

Castiel squinted at Dean until he realised he was talking about Tessa “She’s in Mexico, I think but-“

“Hmmm, does she know you're here talking to your gay experiment?” Dean said snidely.

Castiel shook his head “You were never...” he calmed himself “I didn't come here to fight you.”

Dean’s face muscles twitched and Castiel could tell the younger man was struggling with his building anger ”What did you come here for?”

“I saw the show.”

“Oh.” For a moment Dean’s cheeks blushed and he looked vulnerable but the dark expression from before resurfaced “well, don't read into it too much, we were short on cash and it was good money.”

Ok, that hurt like hell, but he could tell Dean was just mad, this type of pouting was literally the only thing that gave Dean’s age away “was any of it true?” Castiel asked softly.

Dean slumped back and half sat on the car he had been working on “Cas, what do you want from me? I'm not exactly keen on being your side chick or whatever the hell it is you came for.”

Oh... Dean thinks there’s something going on with Tessa “I filed divorce papers this morning.”

Dean’s eyes widen almost comically “What? Why? What?”

Castiel dares to smile a little “Three very good questions.”

Dean is speechless so Castiel fills him in on a couple of details “I was forced to marry her, my controlling asshole of a father basically threatened me, Gabriel, and you and your family if I didn't marry her.”

Dean’s eyes squinted dangerously “Why my family?”

Castiel shrugged and looked down at the old gravel by his feet “Because he knew how I feel about you,”

Dean’s face and body relaxed and Castiel thought he heard the green eyes man intake breath “How you ... ‘feel’... like in present tense?”

“Yes. Of course.” Castiel found himself saying a little too excitedly.

For a moment Castiel thought Dean was going to step forward but instead he asked “What about Tessa?”

“I already told-“

“No I mean, yay divorce but you guys were... married, right? Did you guys ever...”

Castiel’s reaction was organic when he wrinkled his nose “Oh god no, she was my fathers uh what did you call it? Side chick?”

“Yeah that’s pretty Gross.” Dean agreed, with a relieved sigh.

“I was never going to go there, even if I could find anyone else as attractive as men in loincloths.” Castiel smiled hopefully.

Dean laughed “Hey, I made that thing look good.”

“That you did. I think I have a bit of a fetish now.” Castiel said tentatively going to stand next to Dean.

Dean nudged him almost as soon as their shoulders brushed.

“Dean, can I hug you?” Castiel blurted out.

A small smile played on Dean’s lips as he looked down at himself “I'm covered in grease.” The younger man chuckled.

“I really don’t care.” Castiel said allowing himself a smile.

Dean’s eyes seemed to get brighter “yeah, ok.”

Hugging Dean was like coming home... for real this time. Castiel hadn't realised how much he missed Dean's smell of all things. Even with the smell of grease - Castiel could make out the scent that had comforted him on the island.

He felt so stupid for having questioned their feelings for eachother, it really didn’t matter how’d they met because ultimately they were on equal footing and still obviously felt the pull towards each other.

“I'm still mad at you.” Dean said while nuzzling Castiel’s neck.

“Why?” Castiel chuckled at the sensation.

“Why didn't you come earlier?” Dean stopped nuzzling and looked at Castiel.

Castiel pulled Dean closer “I drove non stop the second Gabe showed me the tv show.”

“The show aired a month ago.” Dean said with a confused expression.

“Gabe only showed me a week ago... we’ve been on the run.” Castiel shrugged.

“Yeah, Sammy showed me a news report about it. What happened?”

Castiel rubbed a thumb on Dean’s back just so extremely happy to have the man in his arms again “Well, Gabriel probably tells it better considering he was not being sedated every other day.”

“What??!” Dean gasped.

Castiel nodded sadly “It turns out my dad thinks he’s some sort of super villain... He’s not, obviously. He’s just s man who thought he could marry his son off in the hope that he would gain control of his business partners assets.”

“And Tessa was ok with that?”

Castiel sighed “Tessa made the grave mistake of falling in love with a man who had no problems throwing her to the dogs when I went missing and he was cornered.”

“Jesus.” Dean seemed lost in his thoughts for a moment “That’s figurative right, your dad didn’t actually...”

Castiel chuckled “No, he really isn’t the super villain he thinks he is.”

They were still half hugging, neither wanting to let go, which Castiel felt was a good sign. Dean went quiet for a moment and Castiel chanced saying “I'm so sorry, I really would have come straight away. Hell, I wouldn’t have let you get in that car in Mexico if I thought for a second that you cared for me.”

“Dammit, Cas” Dean nuzzles back into Castiel and it was absolutely adorable.

Dean’s muffled voice made Castiel smile some more and his cheeks were actually starting to hurt in such a good way “Just kiss me already, will you!”

Castiel isn’t sure who kissed who first but ultimately he didn’t care because Dean was kissing him so passionately that Castiel was barely able to breathe.

Luckily, Dean trailed kisses over his cheek and back to his neck “I've missed you, Cas” he whispered.

Cas’ heart actually hurt because that felt so good to hear “I've missed you so much, Dean.”

The crunching gravel gave away that they were no longer alone “Get a room already.” A gruff voice almost shouted.

Dean disentangled from Castiel but didn’t push him away, Castiel missed Dean’s warmth instantly “Bobby, sorry I uh, this is Cas.”

Bobby huffed “Yeah, I figured, just take the rest of the day off, I don't need people rolling up here thinking we're having an orgy.”

Castiel felt like they’d just been caught doing much worse things than making out but Dean seemed completely at ease “Thanks bobby, I just need to change out of my overalls.” Dean turned to Castiel and his smile was ridiculously bright “wait right here, ok?” Castiel nodded because of course he would wait for Dean.

Castiel couldn’t help but watch Dean leave because despite all the clothes, the younger man’s familiar gait was as intoxicating as everything else about him.

“Do I need to give you the spiel?” Bobby asked gruffly.

Castiel squinted in confusion because he was entirely sure which spiel Bobby was talking about.

Bobby rolled his eye “If you hurt him - I have twenty two different kinds of guns in my house and a whole lot of land where a body can be easily stashed, you get me?”

Castiel felt his eyes widen “Uh yes, yes I understand, Mr Singer.”

“As long as we understand each other, and Bobby is fine.”

Castiel hadn’t even heard Dean come back sans the grease “Ok I'm ready, thanks again bobby - I'll make the time up on the weekend.”

Bobby had already started walking away “Don't bother, just take a couple of days, I can get Garth down here to fill in.”

When Bobby was out of earshot Castiel whispered “I don't think he likes me.”

Dean chuckled “Bobby doesn’t like anyone, Did he talk to you while I was gone?”

“Well... yes.”

Dean leads Castiel through the labyrinth “See, he likes you.”

They walk towards Castiel’s rental car “He loves you, you know”

Dean huffs “He threatened you, huh?”

Castiel nods “that he did.”

Dean smiled brighter “then that means he really likes you.”

In the car they both kept side eyeing each other, It took all of Castiel’s strength to not stop the car and pounce on Dean.

Dean’s phone pinged with a message and he cringed when he read it.

“What’s wrong?” Asked Castiel.

“Ugh, we can’t t go back to my house, I just got a message from Sam.”

Castiel worried for Gabriel but Dean’s reaction was more grossed out than anything. “W-why?”

“Ugh, it just says ‘Sock on the door knob’ I think your brother might be violating Sam.”

“Did you want to go anyway to stop them getting too far?” Castiel asked worried that Sam was only seventeen.

Dean put his phone in his pocket “Nah, Sammy’s an adult now and he’s been carrying a torch for Gabe since the day they met.”

Castiel smiled “Well that’s good to know, because Gabe is pretty smitten with Sam.”

Castiel could feel Dean starting at him and he preened under the attention, this all felt so surreal.

“You’ve lost weight.” Dean said all of a sudden,

Castiel nodded “It’s been a rough year.”

Dean put his hand in Castiel’s leg and whispered into his ear “Pull over Cas.”

Castiel was alarmed, thinking something was wrong, he pulled over and looked over at “Is everything-“

“Get out of the car, Cas” demanded the younger man.

In the short time it took for Castiel to unbuckle and exit the car, Dean had come around the side looking determined, he grabbed Castiel‘s waist and smashed their lips together.

Castiel thought maybe he split his lip but he couldn’t bring himself to care considering Dean was kissing him rather passionately again. Castiel’s body finally caught up with the situation and he wrapped his arms around Dean, bringing the younger man impossibly closer.

Like anytime he’s been close to Dean, Castiel thought he’d been dreaming especially because the arid desert environment is extremely different to the humid rainforest he usually associated with being close to Dean.

“Sorry, I felt like we didn’t get to finish that kiss before.” Dean smiled sheepishly and started to detach himself but there was no way Castiel was having any of that. He pulled Dean in once more and just hugged him, took in the younger man’s scent and just enjoyed the fact that it felt like a lifetime had passed for them to get to that point.

They reluctantly got back into the car when the sun became a little too hot to bear.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence Dean spoke cheerily “Soooo, what’s the plan?”

“I’m not too sure, I thought I could take you to your house and we could talk. Hopefully your parents haven’t shot Gabriel” Castiel looked over at Dean who had a mild frown on his brow.

“No good?” Castiel asked worriedly.

“My family might be a bit weird, my dad hasn’t even given me eye contact since the show.” Dean said looking down at his hands.

Castiel frowned but tried to change the subject, he was too happy to think about anything other than dean being next to him “Where would you like to go?”

Dean stares out the window for a few minutes before throwing his hands in the air “Cas, I cant stay in Kansas.”

Castiel hadn’t been expecting that “Ok...”

Dean sighed “I don’t want to scare you away”

Castiel had to restrain himself from laughing because Dean was everything Castiel wanted from even before they had met “Trust me Dean, you could never scare me away.”

“I was planning on leaving Kansas in a couple of days” dean confessed.

“Ok, Do your parents know?” Castiel only asked because the last thing they needed was Dean’s parents thinking that Castiel had somehow changed their son.

“No, but I’ve been laying the groundwork down to go visit my Aunt Ellen, Funnily enough it was one of your dad’s lawyers that suggested leaving Kansas.”

Well that was a shock “My father’s lawyers?”

Dean looked over at Castiel “Yeah, they came to offer me money for not talking to the media, you didn’t know?”

“No... but it explains a lot.” Cas replied as all the times Tessa took away his newspaper or internet access claiming it was ‘rude’.

Castiel was confused though “I can only think of slimey snakes that work for my father.”

“I think his name was Cain Knight.”

“Ah Cain can be a good man.” Castiel nodded because as far as evil henchmen went, Cain was definitely better than the rest.

Dean remained silent as Castiel built up his courage for what he was going to say next “I’m going to be quite forward with you, Dean.”

Dean looked over at him “Ok.”

Castiel pulled over once more and turned to meet the bright green eyes that had captured him from their first meeting “I was wrong, when I questioned the what if’s of how we met - I was just scared. All I want is you, All I’ve thought of since we got back was how much I wanted you back. My expectations for this trip have already been met because you’re here with me now. That’s all I want, to be with you. Wherever that is, if you’ll let me.”

Dean picked up Castiel’s hand and met his eyes “I want you and I to go on a road trip to see my aunt but also to look for a small town to settle down in, I want to open a bakery or a diner, I'm not picky and I want to fix old cars in my spare time, I want to come home to you again." As Dean finished his sentence he looked as surprised as Castiel felt.

Castiel smiled at Dean "I think we have a plan then."

Dean's surprise melted away and he grinned back at Castiel.

"On one condition." Castiel added in his most serious voice.

Dean looked up at him with a bit of fear in his eyes "what?"

"Once a month, you have to spend an entire day in a loincloth." Castiel smirked.

Dean burst into laughter and it was by pure willpower that Castiel didn't lunge at Dean at the familiar sound of the younger man's laugh.

"Deal." Dean finally said still giggling "But only if on that same day, you wear sexy cut offs." He waggled his eyebrows at Castiel.

Castiel felt his own gummy smile make an appearance but he could not bring himself to care. They were in love, if didn’t matter how or when it had happened, all that mattered was that they’d found each other "Deal."