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We got lice

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Everyone is leaning against their chairs in the meeting room angrily glaring at Kraglin who is wearing a hazmat suit and holding up a megaphone next to Naz the ship's medic.

“So you mind telling us why you stole our clothes,” Peter asked bluntly.Everyone was sitting around in their briefs and boxers because Kraglin had taken all their clothes in the middle of the night.

“Yeah ya better have one hell of a good reason Obfonteri I’m freezing my ass off here,” Oblo complained.

Bo tsked obnoxiously and scratched his head, “Pansy.”

“Comin’ from the cabin boy who has stars on his boxers.”

“Hey they aren’t stars their fire sparks Oblo,” Bo defended.”

Tullk snickered, “Right lad keep tellin’ yerself that,”

“What they are!”

Kraglin cleared his throat and bo quickly quieted down grumbling under his breath, “Now I know yer all wonderin’ why I took yer clothes.” kraglin said through the megaphone.

“Uh hell yeah!”

“I can’t work on the engines in just my boxers!”

“I’m freezin’ here because of ya!”

“I want my damn coat back!”

“Alright I understand everyone is a litta mad but I have one hell of a good reason.”

“That reason is what exactly?”

Kraglin turned on the nearby projector and pointed to the picture on the screen, “It’s Lice people.”

Everyone looked at kraglin in confusion, “Scalp leeches, skull vampires, follicle gypsies, hair lawyers, one thing is clear kill or be killed!”

Naz shook his head and sighed in annoyance at kraglin, “No no it’s more of a nuisance really it’s not that big of deal, so I had Kraglin collect all your clothes.”

“Washed,” Naz corrected.

“There seems to be a big lice infestation going around, I think someone must have brought it back with them on the last job.”

Bo scratched his head for the seventh time that morning and wondered who could have brought it on board.

“What do we do about our hair,” Halfnut asked.

“I’m not gonna lie,” Kraglin said bluntly as he held up a container, “LYE!”

Naz took the megaphone away from kraglin, “No you little psycho!You guys just need lice shampoo.”

“What now?” Bo asked in confusion.

“It’s a special shampoo used to kill the little bastards.”

“It works.” Gef said

Everyone looked at Gef as he chuckled nervously, “I would imagine.”

“What happens if we choose not to use the shampoo?”

“Oh then I would have to shave all your hair off because I am not gonna deal with those little bastards.” Naz said bluntly as he took out a razor.

Everyone looked at Naz horrified, “It’s either the shampoo or razer loadies your call and believe me I will not hesitate hell I’ve used this razor today already.”

“Really?” Peter asked.

Before Naz could answer taserface walked into the meeting room and everyone gasped in horror when they saw that he was completely bald, “How do ya like me now bitches!” he said cockily as everyone stared at his now bald features.

Taserface smirked widely, “Take a picture ladies it will last longer.”

“We don’t want it to last longer it's horrible.”

“Bald people make me sick!” Half Nut exclaimed in disgust.

“I thought you looked fugly as hell with hair but now yer just ew,” Bo commented.

“Yeah yeah everyone pile on taserface ladies,” he snarled happily as he took a seat, “But I’m the only one with balls to show them lice who's boss!”

Halfnut shook his head and moved seats while Naz sighed, “Okay if everyone would just follow Naz's Instructions then you won’t end up bald like taserface here.”

Taserface narrowed his eyes at kraglin, “Not that it uh looks bad it uh looks awesome.”

“Hell ya look like a baby that aged fifty years and then it suddenly got the life force sucked out of it.”

Everyone started to snicker trying to hold in their laughter while Bo furiously scratched his scalp with both of his hands.Naz noticed this and quickly went over to him, “How long has your scalp been itchy?”

Bo shrugged his shoulders, “I dunno bout a week?”

Naz inspected Bo’s scalp and gasped, “Good gods your whole scalp is covered in lice Bo!”

“It is?”

“Yeah and oh god!” Naz coughed as covered his nose.

“Doc whats wrong?”

“Fuck he stinks bad Tullk!”

“Seriously?” Peter questioned.

“I’ve smelled better corpses than him Quill.”

Oblo turned to Bo, “When's the last you showered Bo?”

“Dunno maybe four five months?”

Everyone looked at Bo wide eyed in disbelief, “What it’s not that big of a deal.”

“Not that big of a deal!”

“Yer supposed to shower weekly,” Peter explained

“Really thats a thing?”

“When's the last time ya washed yer clothes lad?”

Bo tilted his head in confusion, “You wash your clothes?”

“Oh my stars Bo.”

Naz shook his head, “You need to get in the shower now.”

“What no I don’t wanna lose my natural manly musk!” Bo complained.

“Tough shit sweetheart because your musk is making me regret having a nose,” Naz said.

“Well I’m not gonna.”

“Excuse me?”

“Ya heard me I’m almost fifteen which means I’m my own man and I don’t have to listen to ya.”

Naz clicked his tongue loudly, “Really?”

“Yeah real- HEY!” Bo yelped as Naz wrapped his arms around him.

“A little help here!” Naz complained as Bo tried struggling out of his hold.


Yondu wondered the halls in just his white wife beater and boxers trying to find the thief who stole all his clothes in the middle of the night.He entered the meeting room and did a double take of the scene in front of him.Various ravagers in their boxers sitting around watching Naz, Tullk, Oblo, and Peter attempting to carry the squirming cabin boy Bo.

His attention was soon drawn to kraglin who was wearing a hazmat suit and holding a container of lye, “Cap’n.” Kraglin greeted warmly as he saluted him.

“Do I even want to know?”


Another reference to the office I couldn’t help myself and be sure to comment and review on this one shot because they make my day so feed the muse!