It was strange, Cassie thought, trailing her fingers down Kara's unresponsive arms as she kissed her way up Kara's neck. It was strange to hold Kara like this, when she never used to still for even a moment during sex. It was strange that Cassie could still feel the ghost touches, the memory of Kara's hands pinning her—near-strong enough to leave bruises even on Cassie's tough, Amazonian skin—and the way her hips would grind up, and muscles tensing and flexing under Cassie's fingers. Cassie nipped at Kara's ear, eliciting a low, whimpering moan, but the only motion Kara made was to tip her head to the side for better, easier access. It was strange, Cassie, thought again, but she just ran her fingers through Kara's hair, tugging gently, teasingly, instead of saying anything.
"I want to make out with you," Kara said.
She'd slowly begun to settle into Smallville life, and Cassie didn't mind the trips out there. It was worth it to see the way Kara was making friends, creating art, and generally finding something close to equilibrium. A knot in Cassie's chest that had tied itself close and tight when Kara had asked for kryptonite that first night, and barely loosened the day she'd chosen to go with Martha to Smallville, was slowly but steadily going slack. Still, Cassie tensed every time Kara ran into an obstacle, terrified of those blue eyes turning on her again in a plea to be released from her unresponsive body.
"What?" It wasn't as though they hadn't discussed it. Hell, they'd tried the whole kissing thing back in the hospital. Since, though, Kara had been so wrapped up in settling down that Cassie had been hesitant to even consider the idea, let alone bring it up. Sometimes she thought about it, trying to position herself and Kara, find the right movements and imagine the feel of Kara's mouth, but not her hands or her legs. Not any of the myriad things that they normally did when Kara took the lead, as she so often did.
"Well, if you don't want to, we don't have to," Kara said, then hesitated, her brow furrowing, and Cassie could have hit herself.
She leaned in, curving her hand against Kara's cheek. "Of course I want to. I'm just..." Cassie trailed off, unsure of how to frame her problem without sounding like the worst girlfriend in the world. Even turning the fantasies over and over in her head for the past month, until they damn near shined like a polished rock, she still could only come up with the vaguest of ideas about how this would work. Even the internet could only tell her the most hazy of details—that they needed communication, intimacy. They would make it work-- she knew that. But the mechanics? "I don't know how. Tell me what you want me to do, Kara."
Kara smiled-- just a touch, just her lips curving at the edges like she was hiding a secret in her mouth. "I can do that."
And she could.
"Pick me up," Kara said suddenly, tipping her head back towards Cassie. "It will be more comfortable for you on the bed, won't it?"
Cassie sat back on her heels, balancing carefully on Kara's thighs and frowned. "But you're more comfortable in the chair. It's designed for--"
Kara huffed suddenly and glanced over towards the bed. "I know what the chair is designed for. I have to stay in it the rest of the time, and we can make out while I'm in it, but I--" She licked her lips and dropped her head. "I want this to be comfortable for both of us. I want you to be able to hold me the way you used to, even if I can't feel it. Not everything's about nerve endings, right?" She looked up again and, on impulse, Cassie leaned forward and stole a kiss from the corner of her mouth. Kara breathed a laugh that sounded almost relieved, and leaned her head forward so their foreheads touched.
Cassie slid from the chair and slipped one arm around Kara's waist. "Just tell me if I'm doing anything wrong or stupid or whatever," Cassie said as she slide her hand under Kara's body. It seemed almost funny that she was carrying Kara to the bed like a bride over the threshold and to muffle the sudden bubble of nervous laughter she pressed her face against Kara's neck. "I don't want to, you know, do anything that you don't like."
"Cassie!" Kara said, irritation lighting her eyes for a moment. "I'm paralyzed, not dumb. My mouth still works just fine."
"I certainly hope so," Cassie said, unable to stop herself.
She settled Kara on the bed, moving pillows behind Kara's back and under her knees as directed-- pausing every so often to stop and sneak quick kisses. Kara nipped at her bottom lip and was so like herself that Cassie had to laugh. Finally, Cassie had set up the bed the way she'd been told, so that Kara was sitting upright and there was enough room for Cassie to curl up against Kara's side. She did, molding herself against her lover, and tracing Kara's cheek and throat with her fingertips. That made Kara sigh and lean into the touch, eyes fluttering closed for a second. "Further down," she instructed, "I want you to try touching every part of me that I can feel, Cassie."
This wasn't what Cassie had anticipated at all when she thought about sex with Kara. Not before the accident, and not even after. He fingers stilled against Kara's collarbone as she considered what else they could do besides this light, innocent touching, and couldn't make the possibilities coalesce into real, solid ideas. Kara made a sound, though, low her throat and Cassie glanced back up into her face. What she saw there made her catch her breath. Kara's eyes were shining, and Cassie though she might be about to cry. "Kara? Are you okay? Am I doing alright?" She stroked the hollow of Kara's throat with her thumb.
"Y-yes. Yes, you're doing-- I'm fine. I just wish I could hold you." Kara made the sound again and tipped her head towards Cassie's shoulder. "It feels good when you're touching me like this. It doesn't even matter that I can't feel it. That you're doing it makes me feel..." She paused and said, "You know, I think I might like it if you, uhm. Ate me out."
Cassie frowned, sliding closer so Kara could rest her head against Cassie's chest. They'd done it before the accident-- just experimenting. Seeing what felt good and what didn't. "But you can't feel--."
"I can't. But I feel good when you hold me because I know you're doing it. I think... I think that watching you touch me like that would feel really good too. I mean, not right now. I don't think I'm ready to go that far just yet, but soon. I want to have sex with you again. And it's not like I can't reciprocate, if that's what you're worried about." Her lips twisted in a mock annoyance that didn't fool Cassie in the least. "Kiss me again."
Cassie did, sliding her arms around Kara's waist and pressing herself flush against her girlfriend's body. If Kara liked just knowing that she was there, then Cassie had no intention of letting go. And when they finally broke the kiss, blushing and breathing hard, she said so.