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ExVengers Smackdown

Chapter Text

When Thanos landed on Midgard, the first thing he saw was an earthling in an outfit with weirdly placed stripes and stars standing on his path.

Thanos looked at the Other, who shrugged in ignorance.

"Move away, Earthling"

But the man puffed up... his arm held at a strange angle, and looking at the Titan, declaimed "Even if the whole world is telling you to move, it is your duty to plant yourself like a tree, look them in the eye, and say 'No, you move'."

Thanos exchanged another incredulous look with the Other, and laughed. "Well, I had not foreseen that my coming onto this realm would be such fun. I will reward the amusement you provided me, little man."

 

Steven Grant Rogers was the first to die that day.

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Wanda saw the tall, handsome man in the common room of the compound on the second day. She'd never been an early riser, so she was quite late for breakfast.
Not that it mattered, really. They were back home, just as Steve had predicted. There had been some babbling from various men and women in grey suits, and some papers to sign... But it was NOT the accords, and as Steve and Sam said, the rest was all to save face.

Speaking of face, Stark certainly hadn't dared to show his at the compound, Wanda thought with satisfaction.

"So, you're the one they call the Scarlet Witch, aren't you?" The man asked. Wanda didn't care much for his tone, but he was really pretty, all white skin and black hair and poison green eyes, so she made the effort to stay civil.
Vision was avoiding her ( really, why? It's not as if she'd really hurt him. She just... moved him out of the way.), and she was not really interested in the others. Maybe this one would be susceptible to be... friendly?

She moved closer and brushed his arm with her fingers... just a smidge of power to make him more susceptible, that was all. Tis not like she was coercing anyone.

But her hand jumped as the light contact gave her quite a shock. Green sizzled, battling and subduing the red wisps easely, and the man smiled, sharp and wide.

"Are you that insecure... Or just that stupid, little witch?"

Wanda gasped in outrage "Who do you think you are? And do you know who I am?!"

"Loki Laufeyson, God of Mischief, fire... and occasionaly lies..." One eyebrow climbed mockingly as he gave her a little bow "NOT at your service." He gave her a once over that was not very gratifying "As for who you are? Not like I really care, but you apparently managed to frighten more people than even me in this realm... And you weren't even trying! It's almost vexing, with all the theatrics I had to do in my days. Ah, well, one had to improvise."

"What do you want?" She asked as she took a step back, gathering her power around her in warning. The God looked more interested than afraid, though, as he answered her question in an absent tone.
"Me? Oh, I'm a person of simple tastes: Thanos head on a platter, maybe Odin's if I can get away with it. To survive, always. In the meantime, one has to earn a living..."

"Huh?" was Wanda elaborate answer. Not her fault, he was not making sense! "Watcha mean, earn a living? Surely, not... work?"

He didn't bother to answer as he extended a long fingered hand and gathered some of the red tendrils, who, inexplicably, lovingly curled around his fingers, taking an emerald tint. Wanda gasped as she sensed the small bite in her power, sharp and neat.

"How DARE you!" He was going to beg, she would make sure of it, she thought as she buried him in a crimson wave.

"So, you really are that stupid" Was the very calm answer as one hand grabbed her neck, holding her in place as the magic promptly, almost joyfully, left her, leaving her drained.

"No!" she moaned "How?"

"The Titan tortured me with the mind gem... What you considered yours, little lab rat, is only what I had to abandon to it to survive. I can't say I'm overjoyed by the use you made of it, but then... No more."

Wanda screamed, kicked, tried to rake her nails on that mocking face. When nothing worked, she cried and moaned, which earned her a chuckle as she felt the last of her power drain out of her like sand in an hourglass.

"No you can't! What will happen to me?" she wailed as the god opened his hand and she crumbled to the floor.

"Not my problem." Was the pitiless response as the trickster strolled to the door "However... As promised, gentlemen. She's all yours."
Wanda gave a start when she heard Sokovian for the first time in years.

"She has no power now, right?"

"Back to baseline human, as per our deal. You can extradite her to Sokovia without any danger. I trust you will hold your end of the bargain?"

"Of course!"

"Well, I'll be going then. No need to linger before anything is signed."

One week later, Wanda Maximoff's trial opened with great fanfare in Sokovia. Cap was indignant at first, but upon learning her powers were gone, he somehow lost interest.(what a surprise!)
A month later, the accords panel authorised a super powered individual to present his case, sponsored by the Sokovian representative.

Loki Laufeyson/Silvertongue presented his own case: With a mix of carefully edited tear jerker moments and some admitedly useful intel about Thanos, he was granted probatory membership to the new avengers.

Chapter Text

Cap was looking on the compound common room as Thor and Loki apparently socialized with Tony and that arrogant guy... Yes, Strange *and he was*.
It looked far too chummy for his taste, it was LOKI after all, so Steve felt he had to keep an eye on things.

The little group didn't seem to mind as long as he stayed out of earshot... If he came closer they all shut up, and Steve was pretty certain that cloak had given him the finger. Rude.
Steve's eyes suddenly lit up, he'd just thought of something: Well, he'd done it before, he'd do it again, and that would show them!

Mjolnir was having a pleasant little nap after the flight from London when she suddenly felt herself jerked awake by some manhandling... What?!
Hey, she recalled that guy!
It was not her finest hour. To be honest, she'd been tired that evening too, and her owner had spilled mead on her at the banquet the night before, so she may have been a bit tipsy still. So she was not paying close attention, and when a beefy blond lifted her, she went with it before realizing her mistake.

Oops?

Well, not again.

She crackled a bit to show that guy she was a one man hammer, but he didn't seem to pay attention. If anything, he redoubled his efforts, and Mjolnir was getting downright irritated: Really, what has an honest mystical weapon got to do to be left alone?
Cloak was getting ready to come to her rescue, and she appreciated it, but she was a big, grown up hammer, so she decided to take matters in her own handle.

It happened so fast that FRIDAY was almost unable to record it: One second Cap was pulling on that handle as if his life depended on it, the next he was lying down, his nose gushing blood.

Mjolnir hoovered a bit, flicked her end in a disdainful manner toward her vanquished aggressor before hopping over to high five Cloak and then go back close to her owner, while a snickering Strange recalled his own attire.

Loki looked at his brother who was watching Mjolnir like he'd never seen it before, Tony watched Cap pick himself up and slink away in shame, nose still bleeding and having trippled volume... Then they exchanged a glance and fell upon each other, laughing uproariously.