Have you ever done something completely crazy, completely unlike yourself, something you know is probably gonna lead to nothing but those all too familiar feelings of embarrassment and heartbreak?.
This is exactly how I'm feeling right now, my hands busy throwing the piles of clothing into my very large suitcase all the while questioning myself that very same thing.
"So....so you're really leaving then?."
I unleash a heavy sigh, my hands freezing in the middle of folding my favourite pair of jeans, looking up at the source of the voice, those doubts over leaving rearing their ugly head yet again. One of my biggest regrets over leaving this place, my home for the past five years, is the man stood in the open doorway of my bedroom.
Ethan had basically been my rock for every one of those five years, him having found me in that bar, not knowing where to go or what to do drowning my sorrows in a glass of I don't even know what it was. I'd know the second I'd glanced at him what he was and naturally I was a little wary for obvious reasons.
I didn't like vampires, didn't trust them. It was a vampire who was responsible for what I am or part of me. Five years ago, I'd been attacked, left for dead, my body left in the street, bite marks on my neck and wrist. If I'd been a normal human then I would be one hundred percent dead right now, definitely not standing here breathing.
Somehow I'd survived, had become a lot more then what I once was. Believe me, a lot of humans think a phoenix is simply a mythical creature, the bird that rose from the ashes, being reborn. The truth is we are born in human form, look normal to human eyes apart from our own which are orange or red.
The only other thing about us that look different from normal humans are the birthmarks on our backs in the shape of wings. My 'wings' are something I've never been ashamed to show off, a lot of people believing them to be tattoos, not knowing what they truly are.
After getting attacked by that vampire those five years ago, fully expecting not to wake up, I'd ended up becoming more then just a phoenix. I'd opened my eyes to a whole new world, one in which half of me is vampire, the other half still phoenix. And for the first time in my life, I was terrified, knowing that if I didn't feed on human blood then I'd die.
Those first few weeks were tough needing to drink blood in order to survive. But because I'm a vamp-phoenix hybrid, I don't need to feed very often, every few months. Becoming part vampire had enhanced my phoenix powers of pyrokinesis, made it a little hard to control them.
The day I'd become a hybrid was the day I'd abandoned my old home of England for America, not knowing exactly where I would end up. Three months later, I'd met Ethan, part of me instantly wary of him knowing he was the very creature responsible for me ending up a hybrid.
"Come on, Electra, you must know how crazy this sounds. You're chasing a dream," he sighed, walking closer to me, stopping clearly seeing the look in my eyes, one of resolution.
"I know, all right?. I know this is batshit insane. But....but I have to do this. I need to find him," I said, turning round to face him, that look in his brown eyes making those doubts grow stronger.
"But what makes you think you'll find him in Mystic Falls?. I mean....this is an Original we're talking about here, one of the very first vampires. He could be anywhere right now. Just stop and think about this."
"Ethan, I've thought about this all night. Look, you told me that the Original family was once in Mystic Falls. I....I have to try my search there. I'm sorry, okay?. Please, please let me do this," I whispered, walking those last couple of steps between us, my hands moving to rest on his chest, my red eyes boring into his light chocolate ones.
"Electra, you know how I feel about you. I....I can't let you walk away. But I've always been a selfish jerk. And you know I've always supported you no matter what you do," he smiled weakly, his arms wrapping around my waist, his forehead moving to rest against my own.
"I....I hate leaving you and I hate knowing I don't feel the same things you feel for me."
He just nods, lifting his forehead off mine, moving his lips there instead, kissing me gently then pulling away, walking out leaving me alone, wanting to go after him, but knowing if I did then I would never leave.
I know Ethan is right, I'm probably gonna be chasing a dead end just like I have been my entire life. I was still trying to find the man from my dreams, dreams I've had from a very early age. I'd fully believed he wasn't real, was nothing but a figure conjured up by my sleep subconscious.
Then I'd found out the truth, that he wasn't imaginary, that somehow he was real. More then that, he happened to be an Original, one of the very first family of vampires, the vampires from which all vampires come from. I'd been dreaming about an Original my whole life and I have no idea why.
The only other thing I knew was his name: Niklaus.