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The Halloween Special

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“It's the most-wonderfuuuul tiiiime, of the yeaaaaar!” George’s voice belted out loudly enough for Joe to hear anywhere he went in their house. Joe sighed and looked up the stairway to where he had left his boyfriend, flouncing around their bedroom getting ready for Bill and Fran’s Halloween party.

“It's fucking October, George.” he yelled up and the singing abruptly stopped as he appeared at the top of the stairs.

“I am damn well aware. But, this song is about the most wonderful time of the year and the most wonderful time of the year just so happens to be Halloween.” he retorted. “You're not even ready to go!” George realized suddenly and Toye’s hands tossed up dramatically.

“Says you! You’re wearing my boxers- those are my favorite ones by the way- with some knee high socks! At least I've got clothes on.” Toye said haughtily and George scowled as he turned back into their bedroom.

“But your clothes are not your costume!” he yelled down as an afterthought and Joe buried his face in his hands before standing up and stomping upstairs.

“Where’s the goddamn- the costume.” Toye conceded as Luz pulled on a white dress that came down to mid thigh. He actually looked pretty nice.

His thoughts were jarred as a plastic bag was thrown at his face, and he caught it reflexively, sighing as he looked down at the label.

“I don't know what I was thinking when I bought this.” he grumped as he popped the package open and Luz carefully slid a headband into his hair.

“You're gonna look fucking hot.” George reassured him and Joe shot him a look as he put the fake, feathery wings on, completing the angel costume. He hopped on the bed and watched as Joe stripped his shirt and pants off, rolling his eyes as his boyfriend clasped his hands together and pretended to start praying.

Joe grimaced at the sparkly bottom he was holding up before shucking off his boxers.

“Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou, for blessing my eyes, with my boyfriend’s beautifu-” Luz started chanting before Toye smacked his arm and somehow fit into those awful bottoms. The cufflinks were easy enough and he stood once Luz stopped laughing.

“Damn, Magic Mike! Fumando, fumando ca-lor.” he harped in Spanish and Joe grinned, cocking a hip and dipping his hat as George clapped and whistled.

George slid into his high tops as Joe put on his own and coat, and he raised his eyebrow.

“The sneakers don't exactly match.” Joe commented and Luz waved him off.

“Don't care. My red heels don't exactly match the white theme I've got going here.” he explained and Joe snorted.

“Okay, whatever. You ready?” he asked and George grabbed his arm.

“Lead the way, sexy.” he snickered as they made their way back downstairs for the car. Toye rolled his eyes as Luz’s hand snaked down to grab his ass and he shoved his boyfriend off, getting a huff from the ‘angel.’

“Save it for later, I don't wanna be late. I heard Speirs is actually dressing up this year. But, no one knows what it's gonna be. Not even Carwood.” Joe told him as they slid into opposite sides of the car and George ooh’d.

“Sparky? Dressing up? Missus Lipton is gonna have his hands full.” George said gleefully as Joe put the car in ignition and smirked, pulling out of their driveway.


As it turned out, Speirs did dress up.

Did he ever.

George practically careened into Joe the second Ron Speirs strode into the room like he owned the place, and someone gasped so loudly it sounded like a scream. If Joe had to bet money, he’d say it was Penkala.

“Ho-ly shit, Sparky!” the French maid version of Kitty whistled from the couch where she was sitting in her (70’s hippy, mildly dejected looking) husband’s lap and Perconte spilled some punch down the front of his storm trooper costume.

Speirs smirked at the reception as Lip stood behind him, determinedly looking anywhere but his his husband.

Ronald Speirs- husband, friend, sheriff, and now Playboy bunny.

“Am I seeing this right?” George asked no one in particular and he looked at Toye. “Tell me I'm seeing this right.” he begged and Joe nodded, his eyebrows looking permanently etched in an upwards arch.

“What the fuck, Ron!” Nixon started laughing as he turned to see what everyone was staring at.

“We’re here.” he said simply and he walked over to the massive snack buffet Bill and Fran had set out.

He poured himself a cup of rum punch and raised an eyebrow.

“What? You can't possibly expect me to believe none of you have seen a guy in a slutty dress up.” he scoffed and Skip raised his cup.

“Amen to that.” he announced, causing Penk and Malark (Leia and Padme, respectively) to whip around and glare at him while Faye (Chewbacca) just started laughing. “Oh come on, we all know the inner workings of each other’s sex lives in this group. Like I could probably tell you I bet Web’s wearing panties under that pretty Cinderella dress.”

“Hey!” David said but it was a token protest, given Lieb’s derisive snort.

Everyone seemed appeased after this exchange, and went back to their separate conversations.

Woah!” Bill and Fran both exclaimed at the same time as they both returned to the room, and Speirs waved from where he had taken up residence against the wall.

“High heels. Tights. No pants, bunny ears. You have somehow beat George Luz in the slutty costume department.” Bill said, sounding mildly impressed. He gave Speirs an appraising once over.

“And you beat Nate in the shittiest costume department.” Speirs shot back, obviously not caring for Bill’s ‘creative’ idea to just pour Day Glo paint all over his body. (It was well known that Nate Fick had found an Elmo costume at the thrift store four years ago and has worn it faithfully ever since. Brad Colbert went with Bob the Builder.)

Fran snickered and ducked her face into the sleeve of her perfect screen-replica Ghostbusters costume before patting her husband’s arm and going to sit by Harry and Kitty on the couch.

“Quit while you're moderately behind.” she called helpfully.

At this point, most everyone expected whatever normality their group of friends had to resume. But you never say “normality” and any of the residents of Toccoa in one sentence.

“Hey y'all.” Shifty said as he walked in from the front door, and several glasses were raised to him, dressed in an impressive Hawkeye costume. “I should give fair warning, Buck and Tab did group ones with me but they had some drinks in advance.” he addressed the room. With that, Captain America appeared behind him carrying Iron Man bridal style.

“I brought the party!” Buck loudly declared as he hefted Talbert up a bit more. Tab lifted a half-drunk bottle of whiskey.

“Where's Nix! I brought him a present!” he yelled through his mask and suddenly Nixon was snatching the bottle of Vat 69 out of his hands.

“You're automatically on Santa’s nice list.” Nix declared and Tab lifted his mask.

“What if I wanna be on the naughty list?” he asked with a drunken leer and Nixon laughed as Buck set him down and he listed sideways right back into him. Buck wrapped his arm around Floyd’s torso and he clung back.

“It's not Christmas yet, Jesus Christ.” Toye gripes from the back of the room.

“It's always Christmas, baby!” George screeched and Tab pointed at him.

“That's the spirit!” he cheered before ambling off to try and walk over to Luz.

“Oh, shit, I love your costume!” Buck said after Tab had wandered away and Nixon nodded. “You think my Negan is good? Wait till you see Speirs.” he snickered and Buck raised his eyebrows.

“Where is-”

“On my grandmammy’s sweeeeet pecan pie! Speirs, ain't you a Halloween hater?!” Shifty cried out and the newest members of the party turned to gawk at the playboy bunny that had returned to the room.

“What?” he asked as Liebgott made an exaggerated zombie-groaning sound. “Oh. Nice costume, Captain.” Ron aimed at Buck with a wink before stomping back off to collect Lipton.

“Damn, happy Halloween to us.” Buck said with raised eyebrows.

The whole room drank to that.