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His azure eyes shot open wide; he sat up abruptly, gasping for air, tears streaming down his face. He panted, his hand gripping his shirt around his chest, as if trying to calm his heart. His other hand ran through his hair, gripping at his short brown locks.

 

He remembered everything.

 

That night at the Garrison.

 

The alcohol.

 

The bullies.

 

Keith.

 

Keith…

 

His chest ached painfully. How could he have forgotten him, forgotten what they did, forget that? How could he forget all the stuff that happened those first few weeks at the Garrison?

 

He cringed, bringing his knees closer to his chest as he sat in his bed. He tucked them close to him.

 

How dumb could he be to forget all that?...  How could he ever to speak to him again after remembering all that?... How could after all the things they did that night?... 

 

His stomach churned, his heart pounding. He felt sick, weak…

 

Man, he didn't need this shit hitting him now.

 

He sighed.

 

Should he even dare talk to him? A part of him wanted to and wanted to say “yes”, but another part of him said  "It’s for the best that you didn't say anything." I mean, how could he? There was no way in all of the hell that Keith would ever feel that way towards him again… And only remembering that unrequited love towards Keith only made him feel worse.

 

He sobbed all night to himself, barely getting any wink of sleep.

 


 

Keith never really forgot that night he shared with Lance at the Garrison. It never could leave his memory, as it was something that left an everlasting impression on him. It was their first time doing something like that. And Keith really did care about Lance and like him a lot…

 

But, after what happened with Shiro and the Kerberos mission, and then being kicked out of the Garrison weeks later for getting into a fight… And then losing his dad.. Fuck, he had so many walls up, and there was no way he was gonna let any of them come the fuck down. Not now, not ever.

 

He looked up to the ceiling of the control room, closing his eyes as he sighed in defeat, wondering what to do. Only hours ago did Lance say to him, "I actually don't hate you right now." How could he respond to that?...

 

He had never felt more alone ever, the outsider of the group. Even with Shiro back, he couldn't talk about how he was feeling, and now he was stuck in space. Lance - whom Keith had wanted nothing more than to see him again- couldn't even talk to him. It hurt so much that he couldn't remember, but Keith thought it was best not to bring anything up....

 

He rested his head in between his knees for a good few moments, tucking them close. He couldn’t sleep. He was exhausted, sure, but his body just refused to let him rest. How could he with all the stuff buzzing around his head? He sighed, audibly annoyed as he went to his room to change. He headed out later in training clothes and went to the training room, fighting with the droids until the wee hours of dawn, when his body finally collapsed of exhaustion and he passed out on the floor.